Depression affects nearly 7% of people in the United States, studies show. Worldwide, it is the leading cause of disability. Chances are you or someone you know has clinical depression. Depression can develop on its own or as a result of a triggering event. Both of these causes are very real and can lead to a diagnosis.

GoodTherapy.org wishes to bring understanding and hope to anyone affected by depression. These quotes depict the many ways people may experience and view the condition. You can download these quotes or share them with loved ones.

Although depression impacts many, it is not always well-understood. People with depression may often feel misjudged. This can lead to feelings of isolation and shame, or even deeper depression. [fat_widget_depression_right]

Sometimes, depression causes fatigue. This often makes it hard for people to complete normal daily routines. It might feel like a large effort just to get out of bed or brush one’s teeth. Others with depression can mask their condition. These people may seem funny, charming, or warm while hiding despair or apathy.

If you or someone you know needs urgent help with depression, it is a good idea to seek support. Find a therapist or contact a resource on our crisis page for immediate care.

Reference:

Depression statistics. (n.d.). Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance. Retrieved from https://secure2.convio.net/dabsa/site/SPageServer/?pagename=education_statistics_depression

Depression has long been surrounded by stereotype and stigma. Yet the condition is more common than many people realize. One in 10 adults in the United States report having depression. It is the most common cause of disability in the United States. It can affect people from all walks of life.

Many public figures have shared their own experiences with depression and therapy. Some celebrities have used their platforms to create a dialogue around mental health. Archival documents have led experts to include historical figures in the conversation.

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Although depression can be challenging, you are not alone in the struggle. Below are the voices and stories of 10 public figures who have been open about their depression:

1. Abraham Lincoln

“If what I feel were equally distributed to the whole human family, there would not be one cheerful face on earth.”

Many accounts from friends and family described Lincoln as having a melancholy demeanor. Lincoln himself wrote often about his persistent despair. Modern clinicians agree the symptoms that show up on documents about Lincoln point to what we know today as clinical depression.

2. Ellen DeGeneres

“I can’t believe I came back from that point. I can’t believe where my life is now.”

Ellen DeGeneres is known today for her daytime talk show Ellen and for being a leading advocate for LGBTQ+ rights. Yet when she came out as a lesbian in 1997, DeGeneres says she faced extreme bullying and depression. Her sitcom was canceled, and she felt scared and alone. Ellen used therapy, antidepressants, meditation, and exercise to move through depression.

3. Dwayne Johnson

“I found that, with depression, one of the most important things you could realize is that you’re not alone.”

In a 2018 interview, actor Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson says he’s battled depression multiple times. His first bout with depression came at 15 after his mother attempted suicide in front of him. Johnson says his most severe episode happened after injuries forced him to give up his football dream. Johnson encourages people with depression to ask for help, even if being vulnerable feels hard.

4. Lady Gaga

“I’ve suffered through depression and anxiety my entire life, I still suffer with it every single day.”

In a 2015 interview, singer Lady Gaga said she has lived with depression and anxiety her entire life. She is a founder of the Born This Way Foundation, which promotes mental health awareness and anti-bullying campaigns. The foundation also funds research on adolescent mental health.

5. Buzz Aldrin

“I moved from drinking to depression to heavier drinking to deeper depression.”

In his memoir, astronaut Buzz Aldrin described his battle with alcohol abuse and depression. After returning from his mission to the moon, Aldrin felt a loss of purpose and structure in his life. He divorced his wife and withdrew from society. Aldrin says he used alcohol to numb his feelings. After getting treatment for alcoholism and depression, Aldrin served as the chairman of the National Association of Mental Health.

6. J.K. Rowling

“We’re talking suicidal thoughts here, we’re not talking ‘I’m a little bit miserable.’ “

The author of the Harry Potter series has been vocal about her past experiences with depression. J.K. Rowling had contemplated suicide during her lowest point. She adds cognitive behavioral therapy helped her move forward. Rowling says she has never been ashamed of depression or of deciding to seek help.

7. Wayne Brady

“If me talking about my personal journey helps someone, it’s all worth it.”

In a 2014 interview, comedian Wayne Brady said people generally assume he and other entertainers are happy all the time. After the death of Robin Williams, Brady felt compelled to come forward with his own story about depression and recovery. Brady acknowledged it can be difficult to ask for help due to cultural stigma.

8. Princess Diana

“Then I was unwell with post-natal depression, which no one ever discusses, post-natal depression, you have to read about it afterwards…”

In a 1995 interview, the Wales princess spoke about her postpartum depression. She recalled days when she didn’t want to get out of bed. She also had periods when she would engage in self-harm. The princess says she experienced lots of stigma from her family for her condition. However, she still got treatment and recovered.

9. Michael Phelps

“I said to myself so many times, ‘Why didn’t I [get help] 10 years ago?’ “

In a 2018 speech, Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps shared his own story of depression. He had an episode of depression “after every Olympics” beginning in 2004. After the 2012 Olympics, he spent days in his room with little food or sleep, thinking about ending his life. After that episode, he decided to get treatment. As Phelps talked about his repressed emotions with a mental health professional, he felt much better than before.

10. Kristen Bell

“Anxiety and depression are impervious to accolades or achievements. Anyone can be affected, despite their level of success or their place on the food chain.”

Actress Kristen Bell first developed depression in college. Although she had a successful life, she began to feel isolated and worthless. She credits her mother for telling her it was possible to get help for her symptoms. During treatment, Bell learned to manage her negative thoughts.

If you or a loved one is experiencing depression, you are not alone. Depression can affect people from all walks of life. A therapist can help you improve your mood and regain your sense of self. There is no shame in getting help.

If you or a loved one is in a crisis, you can call the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988. Other crisis resources can be found here.

References:

1. Bashin, M. & Diana Windsor. (1995). The Panorama Interview. Retrieved from http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/special/politics97/diana/panorama.html
2. Buzz Aldrin’s journey from moon to alcoholism. (2009, June 22). Today. Retrieved from https://www.today.com/popculture/buzz-aldrins-journey-moon-alcoholism-2D80555988#.U71ZqY1dVvB
3. Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson: My secret battle with depression. (2018, April 1). Express. Retrieved from https://www.express.co.uk/celebrity-news/939767/Dwayne-the-rock-Johnson-secret-battle-with-depression
4. Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson shares inspiring message for people with depression. (2015, November 17). Today. Retrieved from https://www.today.com/health/dwayne-rock-johnson-shares-inspiring-message-people-depression-t56586
5. Ellen DeGeneres: I endured ‘bullying’ and ‘severe depression’ after coming out. (2017). Us Magazine. Retrieved from https://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/news/ellen-degeneres-opens-up-about-bullying-depression-after-coming-out-w497078
6. J.K. Rowling contemplated suicide. (2008, March 23). Telegraph. Retrieved from http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1582552/JK-Rowling-contemplated-suicide.html
7. Kristen Bell: I’m over staying silent about depression. (2016, May 31). Motto. Retrieved from http://time.com/4352130/kristen-bell-frozen-depression-anxiety
8. Lady Gaga suffers with depression ‘every single day.’ (2015, October 15). NYLON. Retrieved from https://nylon.com/articles/lady-gaga-depression-anxiety-struggles
9. Lincoln’s great depression. (2005). The Atlantic. Retrieved from https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2005/10/lincolns-great-depression/304247
10. Michael Phelps: ‘I am extremely thankful that I did not take my life.’ (2018, January 20). CNN. Retrieved from https://www.cnn.com/2018/01/19/health/michael-phelps-depression/index.html
11. Moon man. (2009, June 8). New Jersey Monthly. Retrieved from https://njmonthly.com/articles/jersey-living/moon-man
12. Research + Resources (n.d.) Retrieved from https://bornthisway.foundation/research-survey
13. Wayne Brady reveals battle with depression. (2014, November 4). CNN. Retrieved from http://www.cnn.com/2014/11/04/showbiz/celebrity-news-gossip/wayne-brady-depression/index.html

Dear GoodTherapy.org,

My adult daughter is incredibly gifted (she tested around 130 IQ), but she has pretty serious depression. The sleeps-all-day, forgets-to-eat kind. It took her an extra two years to graduate from college because she kept turning assignments in late. Once she got her engineering degree, everyone thought she’d get a job easily, but she bombed all her interviews. Eventually she ended up working as a waitress.

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She’s been in therapy for a year now, and her more serious symptoms have improved. My daughter says she wants to quit her job and go to graduate school. However, she keeps procrastinating on applications and missing deadlines. When I try to ask about her progress, she clams up and shuts me out.

I know she’s an adult now. I can’t do everything for her. But I would hate to see my daughter’s depression sabotage her career. All she needs is a little support for her condition.

Should I take a more active role in guiding my child? Or is my daughter’s procrastination a sign she’s not actually ready for graduate school? I want her to reach her full potential, but I don’t want to push her into a situation she can’t handle. —Not an Empty Nester Yet

Submit Your Own Question to a Therapist

Dear Not an Empty Nester,

It can be so hard to watch someone you love struggle. It can be even harder when you feel so helpless. Your daughter is an adult, is in therapy, and has to be in charge of her future. Your desire to help her comes from a loving place, but sadly, it is not the kind of help she needs.

Often when we try to help our kids by smoothing their path or taking care of things for them, we unintentionally signal that we’re not confident in their ability to manage things. This can reinforce their self-doubts and contribute to their sense of helplessness and ineffectiveness. What our kids need more often is to hear and see from us that we believe they can manage their lives, and that we are available for support if they want it. Then we must step back and let them fall and pick themselves back up. It can be excruciating to watch, and of course we can intervene when they are in serious or life-threatening danger. Failure to reach potential, though, doesn’t meet that standard.

If she owns her choices and the results of those choices, good or bad, she will move into adulthood on better footing.

It’s also not unusual for kids, even as they enter adulthood, to push back against the expectations they believe others (especially parents) have of them. If your daughter feels you are more invested in her graduate school applications than she is, she may lose some of her own motivation. Ultimately, she will have to decide what she wants and how much she wants to pursue it. If she owns her choices and the results of those choices, good or bad, she will move into adulthood on better footing. Maybe grad school is the right choice for her now, maybe not. Either way, she must choose how to live her life and forge her own path.

If you are wondering how best to support your daughter, could you ask to meet with her and her therapist? Her therapist might be able to offer ideas about how to communicate effectively with your daughter and offer her loving support in a way that bolsters her sense of self-efficacy. If not, perhaps you could find a therapist to work with to share your fears and concerns and identify a way to manage the anxiety you feel on your daughter’s behalf.

Best of luck,

Erika Myers, MS, MEd, LPC, NCC

The news is so full of dark and scary stories these days that it can be overwhelming. I, for one, find it troubling to hear about repeated shootings where innocent lives are taken, the growing number of teen suicides due in part to a spike in adolescent depression, the unprecedented opioid epidemic, and the sexual abuse and harassment that has come to light in recent months.

The fact these types of stories are constantly featured in news and social media cycles can bring us down in significant ways. This is particularly true when we see the dire effect on our youth, as well as the damage to families, friends, and communities. Just trying to absorb these stories can invoke a sense of hopelessness and helplessness.

It may seem unusual for a counselor to start an article with so much gloom and doom. How depressing! But I do so to point out that because we are bombarded by such volume and intensity of negative information 24/7, we need more effective means of coping and managing the fear and trauma that comes with it. We need to be able to find relief and a sense of balance and safety in our daily lives.

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I work with individuals and families who deal with these kinds of concerns in very personal ways. When they first come to therapy, their darkness is stark, real, and often overwhelming. It’s imperative for me to not only notice but to join them in that darkness, such that the power of the dark space is recognized and revered for what it is and the impact it has.

At this point in the therapeutic process, there is no light—just the small adjustments made by the human senses to initiate calmness. There is little to no means of navigation through this space.

As the therapist, I am initially charged with illuminating this space. I think of this as being in charge of a flashlight, which I must hold until the person I am with is able. I shine a dim beam of light in the space until the shapes and contours of the pain start to appear. The brightness of the beam depends on how much the person in therapy can tolerate seeing at once.

So, what does the flashlight represent and how can it be used to soothe and heal emotional pain? The flashlight is the means by which we can begin to reconcile and come to terms with what has happened.

As time goes on, my job becomes more about adjusting the flashlight beam so the space becomes incrementally brighter. The events of whatever tragedy took place become more understood and digestible, if only for brief, erratic segments of time. Emotions become more readily distinguishable and we begin the long journey of softly illuminating the space. The ultimate goal is for the person in therapy to take over holding the flashlight—perhaps temporarily at first, but with more confidence and self-direction as time passes.

So, what does the flashlight represent and how can it be used to soothe and heal emotional pain? The flashlight is the means by which we can begin to reconcile and come to terms with what has happened. It is a tool for assessing the damage done to our psyche in the midst of devastation so we can begin the process of sorting out and reorganizing our perceptions of our new realities post-calamity. In the end, it is about finding some solace and peace.

It’s important to point out that this process is not a quick, easy fix. Many have found eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) to be helpful in giving the brain a jump-start to reprocessing chaotic aftermath. However, it takes time to fully comprehend and absorb what has happened and how that affects our new world of emotions.

For a more global or societal experience of trauma, the process is much the same, though perhaps at a less intense level. When we see or hear news about another terrorist attack, mass shooting, major earthquake, or bombing of innocent children, we may be shaken by fear, disillusionment, sadness, and a sense of hopelessness and helplessness.

But flashlights are available in this arena as well. Some recent examples include youth activism in response to school shootings and the #MeToo/#TimesUp movements bringing awareness and voice to the unacceptability of sexual abuse and harassment.

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These examples give us pause to reflect on the human capacity to find sources of light, be they others showing courage to respond proactively or our own internal strength and, perhaps, spirituality that help us reorient and heal. We can then hold that flashlight firmly until the darkness recedes.

If you need help, contact a licensed therapist.

Reference:

Slay-Westbrook, S. (2016). Respect-focused therapy: Honoring clients through the therapeutic relationship and process. United Kingdom: Taylor & Francis.

Depression doesn’t go away for everyone. For most people, depression is temporary and passes naturally or once the person has expressed the feelings and resolved the thoughts causing the depression. But there is a small percentage of people who can talk about their issues, express their feelings, take very good care of themselves emotionally, even take medication and have a great life, and still be depressed throughout their lives. They may have periods of feeling good, periods of feeling less bad, and periods of feeling horrible—for these people, the depression never goes away permanently.

Major depressive disorder is the medical term for repeated episodes of a very intense, deep depression that is disabling and enormously painful. People who are bipolar experience similar disabling depression during their depressive phases. Often, between episodes, people return to a functional, happy state. Sometimes people can also have a milder depression, even between episodes of major depression but the feeling of depression stays.

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What is “Atypical” Depression?

There are also people with “atypical” depression who can be in a deep depressive episode and yet appear to come out of it long enough to laugh or enjoy something briefly before sinking back in, or can act normal for short periods. This can be confusing to both the depressed person and to other people. This isn’t an indication that the person is any less depressed or any less in danger than someone in a major depressive episode who doesn’t have those brief breaks. It’s just a different form. Atypical depression is also characterized by feeling emotionally paralyzed, physically leaden—barely able to move or engage in any activity, and often overeating, oversleeping, and experiencing sensitivity to rejection.

It’s difficult for most people to understand any kind of deep depression if they haven’t experienced it. What people see with illnesses or injuries is a runny nose, blood, expressions of acute physical pain, or an x-ray of what hurts. What people see when someone is seriously depressed is a person who isn’t doing anything; this person may be crying or snapping at them or sounding insecure and hopeless. These are behaviors we associate with personality and moral character—we think these are choices people are making, not an illness that has taken over their personality. Most people wonder why the unrelentingly depressed person doesn’t just get over it and may even wonder if it’s a manipulation or if the person is just lazy, weak, or giving in to something he or she could fight. It is difficult for the person who experiences it to describe because it is intensely painful, but not in any particular part of the body. It can be totally debilitating and sometimes even fatal.

Chronic, Servere Depression

People with chronic, severe depression are not indulging themselves, lazy, giving in, manipulating, or exaggerating their pain and dysfunction. Taking this view is often destructive to them and the situation. While this kind of depression can be described as an illness, compared to other debilitating, painful, potentially fatal illnesses, it is pretty unique in the affect it has on people’s minds, behavior, personality, and thought processes. When the mind is part of the illness, other people may not recognize the ill one as the person they love, and that makes it more difficult to be patient, to take care of the person, and to remember what they loved about the person, much like when a loved one has Alzheimer’s.

Of course, this is all true for someone who has one episode of major depression, but it becomes much more complicated when it is recurring and takes over a person’s life. We know that, statistically, every major depressive episode someone has makes additional episodes more likely. So once a person has had two or three such episodes, it’s pretty clear that more of them will happen, and likely with increasing frequency. It’s also likely that during significant hormonal events, such as menstruation, pregnancy, childbirth, perimenopause, and menopause, women with recurring major depressive episodes will be especially vulnerable to having another episode.

How does a person live with a chronic disability that can’t be effectively described to those around them? How do people function? How do loved ones take care of them long-term? How do relationships survive? Can depression last forever?

References:

1. Depression In-Depth Report. (n.d.). The New York Times. Retrieved from http://www.nytimes.com/health/guides/symptoms/depression/print.html
2. Women and Depression: Discovering Hope. (n.d.). National Institute of Mental Health. Retrieved from http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/women-and-depression-discovering-hope/index.shtml

Over the past couple of months, there has been a teen suicide at each of two neighboring high schools in my community. To say this is tragic is an understatement. As a child and adolescent therapist, I knew these suicides were going to make their way into my therapy office during the weeks that followed. In fact, I was going to ensure they did because I am a firm believer it is important for therapists, and other adults, to talk with teens about suicide. Why? Because teens are already talking about it, and it is likely the people they are talking to are not knowledgeable about how to help them process such an act in a healthy and helpful way.

When a teen in a community commits suicide, there is a full spectrum of feelings among other teens. Teens may feel confused, sad, angry, curious, anxious, numb, or scared. Some may feel triggered and have their own thoughts about suicide or self-harm. Some may be frustrated by the sudden outpouring of love and attention that the teen who died gets, especially if it feels disingenuous. And some may have a hard time processing what would bring a peer to decide to end their life. Regardless, these reactions often bring a desire to talk about what happened. In seeking to understand, teens may turn to social media, including Instagram and Facebook pages that share unfiltered photos and information on suicide and self-harm. These are not places we want our children to be learning about such topics.

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Talking with teens about suicide is also important because they are often the first line of defense in preventing teens from ending their lives. Most suicidal teens have expressed their suicidal ideation, whether blatantly or subtly, to friends or peers either in person or via social media. Unfortunately, many teens don’t know what to do with the information, are unsure of the signs to look out for, or don’t want to be “that person” who snitches or gets involved.

Especially following the suicide of an adolescent, there are things that adults can do to not only help teens process the loss but also help prevent other suicides. The first is to know and be able to recognize the signs and symptoms of depression and suicidal ideation. Following a suicide, these signs and symptoms may be heightened in adolescents, especially in already depressed, anxious, or suicidal teens:

• Depressed or anxious mood
• Frequent running away
• Expressions of suicidal thoughts and talk of death
• Withdrawal from friends, family, and activities
• Impulsive and sometimes aggressive behavior
• Alcohol and/or drug abuse
• Engaging in high-risk behaviors
• Social isolation
• Low self-esteem
• Giving away meaningful belongings
• Self-harm behavior
• Suggestive social media messages, videos, posts

Equally important is how to take action and be a safety net for adolescents in need. As an adult, it is important to be available to adolescents and talk openly with them about suicide. It is so important that adults check in directly with teens following the suicide of a peer, especially if there have been prior concerning signs or symptoms. Parents, teachers, and counselors alike should process the loss with teens and explore how they are feeling, what they are thinking, and how they are coping with the loss. Some helpful questions include:

It can feel scary to talk about suicide, but in my experience it is important to talk directly with adolescents to help them deal with this topic. If you are unsure how to talk with your teen about suicide, connect them with their guidance counselor or a therapist who can help them process any feelings they might be having.

• How well did you know the teen who died?
• How do you feel about the news?
• What are some thoughts or questions you have been having since hearing about it?
• Have you talked to anyone about the suicide?
• Have you seen any information online about suicide?
• How has your school (whether it is the school that the person who died attended or not) been addressing the suicide?
• Have you ever thought about killing or hurting yourself? What can you do or who can you talk to if you have those thoughts?
• Do you know anyone who has expressed those thoughts/feelings? How have you handled that? How do you feel about that?
• What can you do if you hear that someone has suicidal thoughts?

After exploring some of these questions, it is important to help them come up with a plan for what they can do if they have a concern for a peer and explore any potential resistance. It can be helpful to communicate that there are ways to report their concerns in a confidential way that can protect their relationship with the peer. Emphasize the importance of doing something.

It is also important to help them identify their own coping strategies to manage things such as anxiety, depression, peer problems, and stress, as well as to help them identify a trusted adult whom they can talk to if they are struggling. Let them know they are not alone.

It can feel scary to talk about suicide, but in my experience it is important to talk directly with adolescents to help them deal with this topic. If you are unsure how to talk with your teen about suicide, connect them with a therapist or guidance counselor who can help them process any feelings they might be having. Know you are not alone, either. Together, hopefully lives can be saved.

Many American doctors report being depressed or burned out, according to Medscape’s 2018 National Physician Burnout and Depression Report. Female physicians reported higher rates of burnout (48%) than did male physicians (38%).

Previous research supports the claim that physicians experience stress and trauma that can undermine their mental health. A 2016 study found traumatic childbirth experiences can cause secondary trauma in the healthcare providers who attend those births. Another 2016 study found 27% of medical students experience symptoms of depression, while 11%  have thoughts of suicide.

A Grim Picture of Physicians’ Mental Health

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The study polled more than 15,000 doctors in 29 specialties. In the survey, 42% of physicians reported burnout. Physicians in critical care, neurology, and family medicine had the highest rates of burnout. The specialties with the lowest rates were plastic surgery, dermatology, and pathology. The specialists with the lowest rates were also more likely to seek professional help for their mental health.

Fourteen percent of physicians reported being both burned out and depressed. The specialties with the highest rates of co-occurring depression and burnout were:

• Obstetrics and gynecology (20%)
• Public health and preventive medicine (18%)
• Urology (17%)
• Neurology (17%)

Causes and Effects of Physician Depression

Twelve percent of physicians said they experience symptoms of depression, and 3% reported clinical depression. The physicians cited their jobs as the leading cause. Other reasons included finances, family, romantic relationships, and their health.

Many physicians said their depression affected patient care:

• One third said depression made them more easily exasperated, and 14% said they expressed this frustration in front of patients.
• Thirty-two percent reported less engagement, with 24% taking less careful notes.
• Fourteen percent reported making errors they would not typically make.
• Five percent admitted making errors that might harm their patients.

A 2017 study found medical boards are more likely to ask about a physician’s mental health history than their physical health history. The boards often ask intrusive questions about mental health. Stigma could be deterring physicians from seeking treatment.

Reference:

Medscape national physician burnout & depression report 2018. (2018, January 17). Medscape. Retrieved from https://www.medscape.com/slideshow/2018-lifestyle-burnout-depression-6009235?faf=1#1

Psychotherapy is swiftly changing, as are the people we serve. One new element is what we are learning in areas of trauma resolution, particularly methods similar to Somatic Experiencing®, focalizing, eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR), and sensorimotor psychotherapy. A new world of healing is surely upon us—and it is a breath of fresh air.

There’s a shift from the archeological digs of psychoanalysis and cognitive techniques where, in my experience, depression and anxiety often linger and remain unresolved. Although these techniques have been and continue to be helpful, they may not be as effective as newer methods of going within the body. These newer approaches transcend talk therapy, inducing new felt-body experiences that help resolve habitual stress and anxiety.

These graceful naturopathic processes can help us become aware of the separation of the mind (as a tool of execution) and the body and heart as an access to aliveness and well-being. Our minds are a creative tool of execution, yet they are also a reservoir of past conditioned thinking (often wrong, harsh, punishing, and outdated). They tend to regurgitate and ruminate old news from in our heads, “head noises,” if you will, that can make us believe they are who we are. We’ve been conditioned to listen to these noises as they build (or collapse) the worlds we live in today, but still, I find this ludicrous. These regurgitated thinking patterns can often lead us to feel like we are imprisoned and can be major contributing factors in the development of depression and anxiety. [fat_widget_right]

Considering New Possibilities

New possibilities, especially those inspired by the life force that comes from the innate intelligence in our heart, bodies and nature may be helpful at diminishing or silencing these head noises. I lovingly refer to this as a Greek chorus (voices of judgment, voices of cynicism, and voices of fear). Until we learn to befriend them as natural parts of our being and understand how they have been programmed by earlier life events, they may hinder our growth, development, and even typical function. If the chorus never stops, indeed if it runs our lives, it will continue to block assess to our innate wisdom. Our minds know nothing of the future and lack the comprehension of love, multidimensionality, or the nuances of our present realities–this is the domain of the heart and soul.

The body has innate intelligence and grounding in nature, and once we become skilled at accessing our inner wisdom, we may be able to awaken an impressively wiser aptitude, which can allow our hearts and nature to provide an organic inner compass for our next best step(s) forward. As we experience this felt sense of grounding and ability for self-regulation, we may be able to become better custodians of our minds and more equipped to manage the head-noise of conditioned thinking that often produces so much stress and anxiety.

As I’ve heard in yoga practice, you are not your mind. You are not the Greek chorus.

The body has innate intelligence and grounding in nature, and once we become skilled at accessing our inner wisdom, we may be able to awaken an impressively wiser aptitude, which can allow our hearts and nature to provide an organic inner compass for our next best step(s) forward.

Many find these techniques easy to learn, even if it is less easy to adequately put them into the mind’s language of words. Exposure to these techniques may help free us from the entanglements that are wrapped around our potential to receive and experience more from life, such as contentment and joyful moments. This new learning simply teaches us the experience, practice and provides a takeaway proficiency of how befriending our head-noise can manage and reduce stress and anxiety. These somatic, whole-body approaches are often studied through workshops or one-on-one experiences with a trained facilitator.

Here’s a short exercise that can help you start the process of befriending head noise and becoming what I call a “curious observer.” Since it involves closing your eyes, you may wish to read through each of the steps before beginning.

• Set a timer for three minutes. Sit in a comfortable position, feet on the floor.
• Close your eyes or find a comfortable place to rest your gaze, a few feet in front of you on the floor.
• Bring the focus of your attention down into your body. Sometimes I envision the focus of my attention as a magnifying glass or a spotlight. Bring this spotlight down to the soles of your feet. Sit with your attention on your feet. Notice as many sensations as you can and note them.
  • What does the floor feel like? The fabric of your socks? The temperature? And so on.
• Once you’ve sat with those felt sensations for a minute, bring your attention up to your breathing. Notice the rise and fall of your chest. See how long you can pay attention to the physical feeling of your breathing without trying to control it. No matter how you breathe, let it be the perfect breath at that moment. The key here is non-judgment.
• Throughout this exercise, notice if voices of judgment, voices of fear, or voices of cynicism come in. For example, you may notice a thought asking “Am I doing this right?”
  • When you notice these voices, gently thank them for their presence and then visualize them going to a different corner of the room you’re in. Or, if you prefer, send them to an island where they can stay while you continue focusing on the felt sensations of your breath.
  • Each time the voices come back, gently visualize the voice going back to a corner or an island. It’s best that we avoid becoming antagonistic with the thoughts. Just thank them and then visualize them moving on.
• When the three minutes are up, open your eyes. Take a moment to notice your surroundings. Do you notice a sense of clarity with your vision? Did you get an experience of timelessness at any point when you were doing the exercise? Some may notice their thoughts seem quieter than before.

This is the beginning of what focalizing techniques can bring to people seeking help. Focalizing can serve as a starting point that snowballs into meaningful and lasting healing after only a few sessions. As we become a curious observer to our head noise, we connect with a part of ourselves that is beyond conditioned thinking. With this new connection, we may no longer rely on replicating the solutions of the past. Instead, we are likely to find ourselves newly equipped to innovate and find graceful solutions that better address the present circumstances.

I made a new friend.

I didn’t want to meet her. I wanted to pretend she wasn’t there, but she just wouldn’t go away. She was always with me, everywhere I went. I ignored her for months, but eventually I couldn’t ignore her any longer. So I caved.

She didn’t look anything like I thought she would. She looked normal; she looked just like me. I thought she’d be scary. I thought she’d have dark eyes and a heavy presence, that she’d be overwhelming, but she wasn’t. She was slightly darker, but otherwise almost just like me. But maybe that’s because she has been a part of me for so long now.

Our Mutual Friend

My new friend and I have a friend in common: anxiety. Anxiety and I have been friends for some time now. Anxiety stands in front of me in social situations, making it harder for people to see me. She blocks out the good parts of me and scream and yells so no one can hear me. In short, she silences me. I used to hate her, but now I’ve grown used to her and accepted her presence. She makes my life so much more difficult, yet we remain close.

Sometimes I get the better of her. When I’m feeling stronger than her, I’m able to fight her off and break through her shield. No one knows how hard that is, how much energy it takes. I can’t be social for too long, because I grow weak and she takes over again. But at least I try.

Thankfully, the more I’m around a person, the weaker she gets. It’s harder for them to see her and easier for them to see me. I like that she gets weaker the more time I spend with a person, but she doesn’t ever go away. She loves to make me second-guess myself and mess with my thoughts. I wish she’d give me a break. But instead she decided to bring another person into this: my new friend, depression.

Depression is a tricky friend–completely invisible to most other people. It seems only I can see her. She hides behind me, but she’s always hanging on. Some days she walks behind me, matching me step for step. On those days she lets me smile. She lets me love. She lets me laugh. I could almost forget she was there, if it weren’t for her hand resting on my shoulder, reminding me she’s still there.

Depression is a tricky friend–completely invisible to most other people. It seems only I can see her. She hides behind me, but she’s always hanging on. Some days she walks behind me, matching me step for step.

On other days she’s not so nice. She clings to my leg like a child gone limp, and I drag her along with every step I take. Those days I can’t smile, or laugh, or love. I can barely walk. And those are just the days. During the nights, and the moments I’m alone, she often gets the best of me. She crawls into my lap, flings her arms around my neck, and rests her head on my shoulder, trapping me. I need to make dinner, do the dishes and laundry, and … But no. I can’t get up. She won’t let me. So I sit and wait, hoping maybe she’ll fall asleep so I can pry her off me and get something done. But if I try and shift her off, she wakes up, so I remain still. I’m thankful most mornings I’m able to get out of bed before she notices, but I never know what her mood will be like, how it will change throughout the day.

What really surprised me about my new friend was how angry she makes me. It almost feels like she cut my fuse as short as she could and randomly lights it for fun. I think she enjoys my anger because it makes me more like her. When I’m angry, she’s able to feel closer to me—but I don’t want to be any closer to her.

While the anger is a curse, it was also a blessing. The anger helped me because it made my friend real and visible, instead of just an imaginary friend in my head. Anger saved me from her, because it made someone ask me about her, if she was there. I knew then I couldn’t ignore her any longer. I had to accept her, no matter how mad, or embarrassed, or broken accepting her presence made me feel. She was there, and she was visible, and she was real.

But just by accepting her, by acknowledging her existence, I felt a little bit of her move away from me. It was just the slightest movement, but it represented something major. It gave me hope that I can learn to control her.

Here to Stay?

I’ve recently accepted this new friend isn’t going anywhere either. She’s here to stay. I have to find her weaknesses, now, but she’s so new I’m sure it will take a long time.

The doctor gave me a small pill. I am unsure of how this pill will affect her, but she’s supposed to shrink when I take it. She’s supposed to let go, take a step back, and let me walk alone. Even with this pill, I don’t think she’ll ever leave me. I think she and Anxiety will still follow me everywhere I go, waiting for the chance to latch back on.

But maybe, just maybe, with this little pill, with my continuing to talk about my friends and share their existence with others, I’ll become strong enough to keep them at bay.

Nicole, recently diagnosed with anxiety and depression, wanted to share her experience to help others living with these conditions who may not realize what they are experiencing. Depression caught her by surprise, and she wants other people to know it may come in many forms and does not look the same for everyone. 

Feeling sad does not build bridges, nor will it win a war that needs fighting. Dedicating time to dwell on past hurts also rarely brings home a paycheck (unless you’re a therapist). In a consumer, growth-oriented society, sadness seems a luxury we can ill afford in our restless race for more goods, more happiness, more distraction. We grow quickly uncomfortable in the presence of others’ sorrow. Rightly or wrongly, we all learn to keep feelings of genuine sadness to ourselves.

Yet the truth is we are hardwired for a depth and complexity that can be found nowhere more clearly than in sadness. Ask the great comedians where they discovered the roots of their humor. Almost universally, their answer is in sorrow. It is the volume of our sadness that gives dimension to our sense of joy, peace, love, as well as the full palette of human emotion.

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Honoring That Which Transcends

Sadness is unique in its capacity to draw the outside world to our side. Even if our friends and family haven’t the capacity to cue in when we are deeply grieved, the environment itself leans in. Unashamed by our social ranking, dogs will tend to approach us when we have dropped our guard. Wild animals grow curious as our manic productivity ceases and we bend our heads earthward. If the sky has been dark, it may be our very tears that signal the start of a summer squall. We look up from soul-drenched misery to find a dove murmuring at her perch, watching and harmonizing with our pain. Never too direct. The dove quickly averts her gaze and takes flight, the arc of her wings nodding her approval. We see a remarkable law of call and response at play here. Nature responds well to fully expressed sorrow.

Sadness, when fully expressed, connects us even beyond the animal realm. Our small travails reflect greater laments—to the injustices, the brutal losses, and the painful ephemeral facts that constrain all life. Watch a small child howl uncontrollably after she is denied a friend’s toy. No amount of explaining can remedy such injustice. Our scolding and attempts to redirect fall on deaf ears. As we detect the absence of ploy or force in her screams, our parental instincts grow respectfully mute. We give pause before the depth of her feeling. Pure anguish. We shudder at the timelessness of her state and take side with awe at the purity of her misery. Helpless, we wait for the deep emotion to subside on its own. In her sobbing, we hear the horrifying music of galaxies clashing and collapsing into nothingness, the despair of lonely asteroids, the careless weight of entropy triumphing over all creation. If the universe needs a heart and voice to expel its pain, she is its instrument.

Sometimes we just don’t get to play with other friends’ toys! But we do get to feel sad about it.

When you attend to the depths of your sorrow, you partake in a profound transmigration of feeling. The quantum spin of one electron is entangled—via observation—with the spin of other electrons regardless of locality. Similarly, our sadness entangles with the sadness of others we have never met.

Feel It Fully to Let It Pass

Among our fellow humans, the attempt to console is fraught with mishap. Have mercy for those wishing to respond well to the tears within you. Try as they might, their brains are too advanced for the archaic wisdom that sadness requires. Aid, when it arrives too soon, interrupts the needed revelation. Arriving too late, it loses all value. The chance for misattunements are legion, and too often we are obliged to console the consoler and thus lose the true message of our sadness.

Instead, when powerful sadness wells up from within, take a meandering walk. Trust nature’s way with you as you traverse the barriers between you and your deeper self. Here are some of the barriers and passageways you may find familiar in your hunt for real sadness.

• Anger: After misfortune and before your honest response, your imagination first compels you to repeat the details of the affront. Eons of self-preservation dictate that you can’t feel sad until you have first rehearsed the problem and invested in your own safety. Go ahead then. Blame the universe for your condition (if there’s no human perpetrator to pin it on). Compound your defeat with memories of any and all related past hurts. Recount the underlying patterns that hold you forever confined. And, of course, plan your perfect revenge. People call anger a secondary emotion, but what better avenue to divest from the rational mind and unleash your primal self?
• Indignation: Eventually, your vision widens. All on its own, attention lifts above anger’s narrow hold and exposes you to a shakier view. At the edge of perception, you sense the arrival of another emotion entirely—something anger can’t capture or express. It is soft, undefined, and appears to lack power. Indignation is your felt experience of resistance as you begin to slide into this unknown feeling. You sigh. Small moans want to escape as you breathe. But not yet. Anger is still here and keeps you resolute. The dance between anger and indignation is its own world—a tug-of-war that hints to deeper forces but keeps the battle on the front lines of self-protection and blame. Not until you get close to the edge do you realize how difficult it is to take the plunge.
• Vulnerability: It begins with a shudder. Then a gentling ache beneath the sternum. Then a sinking. The ground is not as stable as you hoped. Instinct will have you looking left and right for predators. When vulnerability arrives, there is no mistaking your defenselessness. Some danger girds you for fighting. But in this surrender to sadness, you recognize that you have been rendered weaponless.
• Immersion: As the plummet commences, all energy turns to the necessary movements arising. Muscle structures in the face can be the first to melt, followed by collapses in the shoulder area and chest. Tears fill the eyes, the brow furrows, and all focus goes inward and down, down, down. The pit of the stomach is where sadness lives. There is a strength there capable of ruling all things. It is a rule that is readying for self-annihilation while simultaneously inviting mercy. Thoughts at this stage, if there are any, have given up assessing the world (“that was so mean”) in exchange for pure internal discernment (“I am just … so … tired”). If there is truth to be told, this is the place from which truth is spoken.

When you look up again, it’s hard to tell how long you have been crying.

As intersubjective beings, each of our moods connects us to larger fields. The field of sadness just happens to run deeper than the rest. When you attend to the depths of your sorrow, you partake in a profound transmigration of feeling. The quantum spin of one electron is entangled—via observation—with the spin of other electrons regardless of locality. Similarly, our sadness entangles with the sadness of others we have never met. What you sense as yours alone calls your belonging to a larger whole.

When you live with someone who is clinically depressed, there will be days when you’ve got it as tough as they do. Taking care of a loved one—whether it’s a child, partner, relative, or friend—can leave you just as debilitated, in pain, and wracked with frustration as they are. Having a hard time while your loved one is dealing with mental health issues can be like a guilty secret: it’s there, but no one wants to acknowledge it. Unfortunately, in many cases there aren’t a lot of resources available to caregivers. That might make you try to hide your discomfort, which only makes it worse.

For the person living with depression, life may be a constant fight. What looks from the outside like giving in often feels on the inside like consistent effort—when you’re depressed, it can take great exertion just to get out of bed, get dressed, and go to the grocery store. For the person who hopes to care for the sufferer, it’s hard to figure out how best to help. Your great ideas to motivate and distract your loved one might feel too difficult for them, and might even be seen as pushing too hard or having expectations they can’t possibly meet.

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Many times, your day will be dictated by their mood, which may leave you feeling some of the same symptoms. If they wake up feeling bright, you can breathe a sigh of relief that your mood may be similarly light. If they come home from work in a funk, you may feel your night is ruined. Consumed by tracking their emotional temperature, they can feel like a tide that sweeps you away.

The hardest part is this: Because you aren’t the one who has the diagnosis, you aren’t supposed to be in pain. Not only are you given little attention or help, but you might call yourself selfish or petty when you feel your own symptoms. When that happens, it’s adding insult to injury—in addition to going through the difficulties of your situation, you’re mad at yourself for not being a superhero or a saint and rising above every challenge, every reaction.

You’re not alone. Many caregivers experience burnout. These are some of the symptoms:

Symptoms of Caregiver Exhaustion

Fear of the Future

One of the main worries when living with someone who is suffering is, “Will this ever end?” The person you knew in the past seems to be gone. The future plans you’ve made together are in jeopardy. Your role has changed. This is not what you signed up for, and you’re not sure you can handle it forever.

With depression, the good news is you can always count on some sort of change. If the condition had a sudden onset—illness, accident, trauma—then it’s possible that as the situation stabilizes, so will their mood. If your loved one has always experienced some degree of depression and it’s recently gotten worse, there is a high likelihood the right combination of medications, therapy, and coping skills will dial the intensity down.

You may never free your life completely of depression. But it tends to be a cyclical condition, with ups and downs, so it rarely stays the same. So, while there is no answer to the question, “How long will this last?” at least you can count on having better moments, and often stabilizing.

Desire for an Escape

No one wants to yearn to get away from the person they love, but when that person acts consistently negative or helpless, it’s a common reaction. And a natural one. Remember there’s a difference between feelings and facts. You can feel rebellious and fantasize about leaving, but act responsibly and stay put.

If you feel trapped, unable to leave or even to take some time off, then it’s important to find as much support as possible. If you have the resources, hiring caregivers or alternative healers can be not only helpful to kick-start your loved one’s recovery, but also to give you some rest. You need a team, whether that’s paid professionals or friends and relatives, to help both of you. Hire a masseuse, personal trainer, or life coach. Ask a friend to come play cards, read books aloud, or cook dinner. Your need to break away is normal and is a strong signal you’re experiencing what therapists call compassion fatigue.

Helplessness and a Thwarted Desire to “Fix” Your Loved One

Are you a researcher? If looking for answers makes you feel more productive, it can feel useful to check out all the different avenues to healing, such as EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing), TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation), supplements, and electroshock. Many have provided relief to people who have tried other avenues without success.

If you’ve exhausted the possibilities, however, or have limited resources to keep trying new things, then you can easily sink into dejection. Here’s where acceptance comes in, and trying to avoid black-and-white, all-or-nothing thinking. Your loved one won’t always be like this. You might need to give yourself a breather from “fixing” before you can move on to new ideas. Or you might need to adopt a more tolerant point of view, a sense that if this is “the new normal,” perhaps there are ways to make it livable.

Anger and Guilt

The top two emotions experienced by caregivers are anger and guilt—two sides of the same coin. Anger is the more active of the reactions, and its target can be your loved one, the condition, yourself, God, or doctors. Everyone who is tired, anxious, and worn out will at some point feel anger.

And from the outside, it makes sense to resent your loved one. It is an unfortunate symptom of depression that it makes people feel helpless and hopeless, which means that from the outside, they may look like they aren’t trying. As a caregiver, knowing your wife isn’t doing any of the things prescribed to her—like exercise, medicine, or socializing—can appear to be a lack of effort, and can make you frustrated and powerless.

Try to see your guilt as a misdirected signal of how much you care. And then do more self-care to nurture yourself through these difficult waves of feeling.

It’s common, though misplaced, to blame yourself for your loved one’s condition. You might tell yourself you didn’t do enough to head it off, or that you’re not sacrificing enough to cater to them. Each social event or night off becomes a land mine of remorse.

Most of all, you can feel guilty for all of the above reactions, especially anger, because you love the sufferer so much and want so much to help. Try to see your guilt as a misdirected signal of how much you care. And then do more self-care to nurture yourself through these difficult waves of feeling.

I hope it’s clear from reading this list that the sum of all of these feelings leads to exhaustion and burnout. But if that’s where you are, there are steps that may allow you to take back control in your life.

How to Look Out for Yourself

You Need Self-Care as Much as Your Partner

When they struggle, you struggle. Your pain is just as important. Taking good care of yourself helps them at the same time, in two ways. First, you’re increasing your strength, patience, and ability to look after them. And second, you’re modeling the very skills that your loved one needs to do more of. By setting a good example, you can motivate and inspire.

Set Boundaries

It’s okay to say no. Even if your loved one is unable to manage their life, that doesn’t make their life all your responsibility. Decide for yourself how you can best support them and allow the rest to remain undone. Maybe you have skills at finances or cooking and want to take over those tasks. Or maybe it’s clear where the most pressing needs are and you’re willing to take those on. But remember you cannot do everything—nor should you. It can be helpful to the depressed person for you to insist they shoulder some of the responsibility for their life. This can help focus and motivate them. So when it’s reasonable (not during a major breakdown), insist on some reciprocity.

Be Mindful and Practice Acceptance

Many people try to fight discomfort by either fretting over it (fight) or distracting from it (flight). Paradoxically, modern approaches teach instead that sitting with the negative feelings is the quickest way to master them. If anxiety is worry about the future and depression is sadness over the past, then usually the present moment is, if not perfect, at least more bearable. By taking some of the tenets of mindfulness—staying in the moment and noting your reactions without judging them—you can deal with difficult times with more patience and less pain.

Try Not to Buy into Distorted Thoughts

When we’re thinking negatively (stinkin’ thinkin’), our thoughts tend to fit into the same negative slots over and over. Experts call these cognitive distortions, and they include jumping to the worst possible conclusions, seeing the world in all-or-nothing extremes, and blaming. Being able to label those thoughts as inaccurate, or as symptoms of depression, helps us put less stock in these exaggerations and think in a more evenhanded way.

Get Help and Support for Yourself

When you’re starting to feel extra irritable, getting sick more often, and not seeing your friends for weeks, these are all signs you need more. More exercise, more rest, and most importantly, more people around you. If you don’t want to go the professional route, you might be surprised at how much your friends and family members are willing to help. And if you prefer to speak to someone impartial, there are therapists who can provide a safe space to vent your feelings. Finally, support groups for caregivers offer a space where everyone will understand and empathize with what you’re going through. Whatever you choose, know help is available—and it is not only acceptable, but often necessary, to reach out.

Fidget spinners, toys that allow people to quietly fidget by spinning a device, are surging in popularity. Many companies market these toys as relievers for stress and anxiety. They hold the 16 top spots in Amazon’s toy rankings. Together with fidget cubes, the toys occupy more than 40 of the top 50 spots.

As with many toy trends, some adults have responded with frustration, derision, and even paranoia. A false story recently circulating on Facebook claimed fidget spinners could disrupt Earth’s center of gravity.

Proponents of the toy say it could help people with attention deficit hyperactivity (ADHD), autism, or anxiety by offering a focused outlet for their energy. Some schools even allow students to use fidget spinners to help them concentrate. Experts, however, note a lack of research on any link between fidget spinners and ADHD symptoms. Rather than assuming the toys will work for alleviating symptoms of ADHD, experts recommend that parents seek research-backed treatment options.

Experts also say there is no reason to worry that fidget spinners are harmful. There’s little evidence that any single toy changes behavior or cultural beliefs.

Dual Gait Testing as Early Predictor of Dementia

[fat_widget_right]Observing a person’s gait while they perform a cognitively taxing task can provide early evidence of dementia. The process, known as dual gait testing, may predict dementia in people with memory issues. According to the study, people with mild cognitive impairment whose motion slows down by about 20% while performing the cognitive task may be at an increased risk of developing dementia.

Why You Should Quit Chasing Happiness and Pursue Meaning Instead

According to a new book, The Power of Meaning: Crafting a Life That Matters, the pursuit of happiness might undermine its achievement. Meaning is what makes life worth living, the book’s author argues. Pursuing happiness as its own goal may be a distraction from the sense of purpose that is more likely to help people feel happier.

Bouldering Envisioned as a New Treatment for Depression

Bouldering, a popular form of rock climbing, may ease symptoms of depression. The authors of a new study say people who began bouldering three hours a week for eight weeks saw reductions in depression. They suggest the physical, cognitive, and social components of the sport may help. People may boulder with friends, and bouldering poses both physical and intellectual challenges.

Can Parents’ Tech Obsessions Contribute to a Child’s Bad Behavior?

Increased reliance on technology may undermine parents’ relationships with their children. According to a study that looked at surveys completed by mothers and fathers in 170 households, half of parents said technology disrupts time with their children. On average, technology interrupts parent-child interactions two to three times per day. The study suggests these interruptions may be associated with increased behavior problems from children.

Suit: SC Mental Health Needlessly Hospitalizes People

In a federal class action lawsuit, Protection and Advocacy for People with Disabilities—a disability advocacy organization—alleges that the South Carolina Department of Mental Health is unnecessarily hospitalizing people with mental health issues. A 1999 U.S. Supreme Court decision in Olmstead v. L.C. found people with mental health disabilities have a right to live in less restrictive settings. Thus, needless hospitalization or institutionalization is a form of mental health discrimination.

Meditation May Cause Negative Feelings for Some, Study Finds

Research links meditation to numerous benefits, including improvements in mental health. However, research that includes interviews with nearly 100 meditation teachers and meditators suggests it may not be positive for everyone. Some people who meditated reported side effects such as insomnia, sensitivity to light or sound, anxiety, or panic.