Two women in business attire walk down path holding coffee, talking and laughingWith the growth of social media and the constant connection through smartphones, our personal and work lives are blending more than ever. We connect with people on LinkedIn, Instagram, and Facebook after just one lunch meeting. Friends become business partners and coworkers become friends.

This can all be both good and bad, depending on how we manage the inherent conflicts that arise from this transparency. For example, do you dare to post about the Monday drudgery if you have coworkers as Facebook friends about to enter the same 9 a.m. meeting? And do you let your friend, who is also a colleague, know you weren’t really sick last Friday and went on a hike instead of coming into the office?

A Gallup poll discovered people who identify having a best friend at work tend to be more engaged on the job. These people also rank high in overall job satisfaction. They tend to be more productive, more passionate, and more loyal to their employer, all while getting sick less. Thus, the poll’s results suggest, fraternizing during your lunch break and meeting up with coworkers on the weekend can benefit you professionally as well as personally.

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However, unclear definition of roles and poor communication are some of the top things that lead to job dissatisfaction. And these are things that can easily pop up as problems when we get comfortable with one another and let things slide. Knowing your professional role at work and having clear boundaries with certain coworkers can lessen the potential for conflict in the office and keep your reputation solid.

Here are some strategies for how to interact at work that allow you to spend quality time with coworkers while maintaining a good reputation:

  1. Take note of the office culture. Even within one company, different office locations can have vastly different cultures. Identify what attributes are valued among team members and how they communicate with one another. This will help you establish how you fit into the team and how to communicate with them. You’ll also have a better idea of whether your coworkers seem like people with whom you’d like to spend time outside of work.
  2. Avoid talking about other coworkers. Workplace gossip is common and may seem harmless, but it’s best to stay out of making judgments while on the job. To avoid creating an awkward situation when a coworker is gossiping, you can reply with something like, “I don’t know, since I haven’t talked with Susan much.” Or, “Really? He seemed pretty knowledgeable in our meeting yesterday.”
  3. Don’t push your boundaries. Many relationships we have will push us to consider new ideas or try new things. This can be a rewarding experience when we’re spending time with someone we know loves and accepts us for who we are. However, this is often not the case at work. While it’s important to remain open-minded while discussing options in a meeting, it’s best to explore your comfort level with expressing emotions or getting close to people in a setting that may not be so impactful to your career if things backfire.

While it’s important to remain open-minded while discussing options in a meeting, it’s best to explore your comfort level with expressing emotions or getting close to people in a setting that may not be so impactful to your career if things backfire.

If you’re a manager, you have a few extra things to consider. You have less room for error, and seemingly innocent situations can quickly spiral into a human resources complaint.

  1. If you supervise people who are friends outside of work, make sure you never share information about other coworkers. What is workplace gossip to colleagues of an equal level is generally a violation of privacy for managers.
  2. Don’t try to cover things up. In most situations, honesty is the best policy. Tell your own supervisor if one of the employees you supervise is a friend and ask them to keep you accountable regarding fair treatment. While it’s not something you want to send a company email announcing, you can and should acknowledge the friendship among your team if it comes up. They likely know anyway, so it’s better to keep communication open and remain authentic.
  3. Check in with your friend/coworker. Talk about it when things are uncomfortable in either dynamic, and establish ground rules so neither of you feels slighted and you can quickly repair any ruptures in the relationship.

Yes, it may sometimes be a bit more difficult to navigate work and life when they intersect, especially when personal relationships get involved. But having friends at work can make you excited to show up to the office Monday morning and create a culture of support when work gets complicated and life gets tough.

With the right attitude and a watchful eye for addressing conflict quickly and avoiding gossip, work friendships can blossom into lifetime friendships.

References:

  1. Ellingwood, S. (2001). The Collective Advantage. Retrieved from http://www.gallup.com/businessjournal/787/collective-advantage.aspx
  2. Friedman, R. (2014, December 2). You Need a Work Best Friend. Retrieved from http://nymag.com/scienceofus/2014/12/you-need-a-work-best-friend.html

Person in yellow sweater sits at desk with papers and classified ads making phone callsThe job-search process can be a nightmare for the already paranoid among us. Personal information is routinely mailed and blasted out to unknown parties every day; sometimes you send the information, sometimes it’s a recruiter sending the information. You never know who’s asking about you, or even who they might be asking. If you know someone who works for the employer you are targeting, what initially seemed like a connection becomes a potential liability: what if that person says something negative?

That leads to the hair-prickling question that stops all of us mid-celebratory jig in the parking lot when we hear we got an offer pending a background check: they need to check references. What will your references say?

References are a key part of most job applications. A glowing reference can be the difference between getting hired or not even getting a call back, so it’s important to think carefully about who you want answering questions about you that you can’t necessarily predict. Fortunately, many people in the professional world are flattered by requests to serve as references, and most want to be perceived as positive and helpful. Giving a bad reference detracts from that pursuit. From a purely self-serving point of view, it’s often not worth being brutally honest to a contact’s potential employer if it means diminishing one’s own image.

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Of course, it helps to line up your references—three to five is standard—and prepare them as best you can. Ideal candidates for references include:

6 Tips for Developing Professional References

  1. Ask first: Always ask a prospective reference if they would be willing to provide a strong recommendation for you to another employer. If you detect any hesitation, move on to someone else. Don’t take it personally. Some people just don’t feel comfortable giving references. Also, the person in question may not feel they know enough about you as a professional to provide a credible reference. Any lack of enthusiasm from a potential reference is a sign you should try someone else.
  2. Avoid friends and family: Though they surely have great things to say about you, friends and family members are generally not good professional references unless they have had a direct business relationship with you. And even then, a potential employer may look at them more as a character reference than one who can objectively assess your skills. The latter type of reference tends to be more valuable than the former.
  3. Be careful with current coworkers: Because of liability concerns, some employers do not allow managers, supervisors, or even employees to provide references for fellow employees. But people are often willing to look past those policies and provide a reference anyway, as long as they have developed a strong relationship with the person and know what they have to say is positive. If keeping your search confidential is a priority or you’re worried how your current employer would react to news of you looking to leave, make sure you trust any coworkers you do ask and let them know about any workplace-related concerns you have.
  4. Lose the letters: If possible, avoid letters of recommendation in favor of basic contact information in the form of name, current title and employer, phone number, and professional email address. Potential employers recognize that letters of recommendation tend to be carefully crafted to project a certain image, and many recruiters prefer to talk to someone who can speak candidly and off-the-cuff about your strengths and possible weaknesses. Not providing that opportunity to a potential employer may serve as a red flag that, in a worst-case scenario, removes you from consideration.
  5. Provide some coaching: It may be helpful to provide prospective references with relevant details of the job you are applying for and perhaps previous experiences you would like them to highlight (if they can). Also, if there are any duties you would rather not repeat, you might want to ask them not to play up those skills as much as others.
  6. Follow up and express thanks: Some recruiters might check in with only one reference, while others contact all. Regardless of which references are contacted, be sure to thank all of them when your job search has ended. Staying in periodic contact thereafter can be a good way to nurture the relationship and show that you value it beyond merely what it can do for you. If appropriate, offer to return the favor should they ever need a reference of their own.

While requests for references can seem like a huge piece of the job-search puzzle that is outside your control, it is in fact one where you have a lot of control. You get to choose who speaks about you and, to some extent, shape the conversation in advance. With a little bit of preparation, you have the opportunity to assemble a strong panel of advocates to help you get your dream job.

Young professional sits in front of laptop with open notebook, head on hand, looking botheredIf you were to think of a bullying situation, you might conjure an image of a small, bespectacled child cornered by a much larger one. Or perhaps you might imagine a group of taunting children circling rivals, enemies, or maybe an outsider. It’s common to think of bullying as a children’s issue.

Generally, people don’t expect bullying from adults—yet it does occur and can even come in disguise from a trusted colleague or someone considered a friend. Those who stand out as quirky or different, such as gifted or highly sensitive people, may be more vulnerable than most.

Adult bullying can occur anywhere, but it often occurs where a person spends the most time, such as the workplace or in social situations. Whether at work or among friends, bullying can take a person by surprise given that our social norms tend to discourage aggressive behavior, particularly in adulthood. However, adult bullying doesn’t have to be obvious and belligerent; in fact, it can be quite subtle.

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If you are an adult, you probably have witnessed or experienced some form of bullying. Bullying is usually considered to be a type of harassment that occurs when someone purposefully tries to control someone else, without their approval.

Verbal bullying often occurs through word choice or tone of voice, and can be tauntingly direct, suggestive, or perhaps indirect—such as ignoring your contributions, insinuating disrespect, devaluing your time, excluding you, or sabotaging your work.

Bullying of this nature may happen once or repeatedly. When a person bullies, it can stem from insecurity about something or low self-esteem. It might be due to feeling powerless on the inside, resulting in behaviors that seek to take power from others. People who engage in bullying might have been victims themselves or perhaps never learned how to self-regulate. Of course, at its most troubling, an adult might bully others because it “feels good” or is somehow fun or rewarding. Exerting power over another person might feel especially “good” if there is a lack of empathy for those being harmed.

No matter how they came to bully, people tend to find their victims in people they consider significantly different from themselves. This could be someone they perceive to be (or wish to be) at a lower social standing. It might be a person who just rubs them wrong in some way. While not the most mature of behaviors, bullying is a significant problem in the adult population.

Gifted and highly sensitive people tend to stand out as different, and therefore may be prime targets for people who bully. But what do we mean when we use the terms “giftedness” and “high sensitivity”?

What Is Giftedness?

A person is typically labeled as gifted if they have been professionally assessed to have an intelligence quotient (IQ) of 130 or greater. However, not everyone has undergone IQ testing, and many professionals who work with the gifted population favor a more descriptive definition of giftedness. According to Morelock (1996), the Columbus Group provided this definition of giftedness in 1991:

“Giftedness is asynchronous development in which advanced cognitive abilities and heightened intensity combine to create inner experiences and awareness that are qualitatively different from the norm. This asynchrony increases with higher intellectual capacity. The uniqueness of the gifted renders them particularly vulnerable and requires modifications in parenting, teaching, and counseling in order for them to develop optimally.”

Being qualitatively different, asynchronous, and atypical from the norm can make anyone of any age seem like an outsider.

What Is High Sensitivity?

Dr. Elaine Aron described highly sensitive people in 1997, purporting high sensitivity to be a personality trait that occurs in about 20% of the population. She further described this trait as stemming from differences in the nervous system, where there is a greater sensitivity to stimuli.

Highly sensitive people tend to perceive things more intensely and have a stronger awareness of the subtleties around them, making them generally respond differently than most to their environment. Highly sensitive people are often known to be gentle, emotional, intense, and of course sensitive.

The same wonderfully positive traits that make this population stand out can lead to highly sensitive adults being misunderstood or perceived as weak, overly emotional, haughty, or pushovers.

Possible Bullying Targets

The Workplace Bullying Institute reports that 27% of people have been bullied in the workplace (Namie, 2014). It stands to reason that a percentage of those who have been bullied stand out as different, quirky, sensitive, or atypical.

Gifted traits often include keen observation skills, fast thinking, and a strong sense of justice, which can potentially make gifted individuals sound like know-it-alls, system challengers, or tattletales—common marks for people who bully.

Even people generally considered kind may feel uncomfortable about, or threatened by, the characteristics often associated with gifted and highly sensitive populations. And the people who have these traits do tend to notice. The Gifted Identity Project (Malonai and Duncan, 2015) reported that most gifted individuals feel lonely, isolated, quirky, and different.

While gifted and highly sensitive people might come across as different, the quirky aspects of giftedness are multifaceted and sometimes incongruous. Gifted traits often include keen observation skills, fast thinking, and a strong sense of justice, which can potentially make gifted individuals sound like know-it-alls, system challengers, or tattletales—common marks for people who bully.

Likewise, rules and fairness tend to be important to this population, which may elicit conflict resulting in bad feelings. Gifted individuals are often looked to for leadership, even when it is not their place. This can later cause resentment or jealousy. Hyper-focusing is another common gifted trait, which can make someone seem inattentive or distant. In general, many traits commonly associated with the gifted and highly sensitive populations might bring about hard feelings in potential bullies.

How to Mitigate the Impact of Adult Bullying

Although you bear no responsibility for bullying behaviors you experience, it can be helpful to be both self-aware and open to improving your understanding of how others might perceive you.

  1. Keep calm and breathe deeply. Don’t give your power away by responding outside of your value set.
  2. Know the truth and believe in your own strengths. Don’t let anyone else determine who you are, nor let them get into your head about it.
  3. Speak up. Bullying can be seen differently by different people, and might in some cases be a matter of perspective. It might be worthwhile to share that you are feeling bullied, and specify how the words or actions impact you. It could be that speaking up will put an immediate stop to the problem.
  4. If you do speak up, do so safely. Make your approach when you believe there will be sufficient time, as hurried conversations are not necessarily easier. Choose an environment where you can speak confidentially that also has potential witnesses, such as a coffee shop or conference room with the door slightly ajar.
  5. Don’t respond to provocation. This will help diminish the power a bullying person might seek to obtain. In psychology, we call this fading.
  6. Show respect to yourself and others by responding to the underlying message instead of the negative words or behaviors. A good start to mitigate aggression is to acknowledge where the other person might be coming from. For example, “This seems very important to you. Let’s talk about it.”
  7. Get support. Even if it is difficult to open up when you have felt wronged or misunderstood, it can help to talk it out. Your mental health is worth the effort. Also, you might learn something about your strengths or get ideas on how to de-escalate the situation. Support might be found through your human resources department, an employee assistance officer, a trustworthy friend, an understanding coworker, a family member, help line, or a licensed professional such as a clinical counselor, mediator, or doctor.

References:

  1. Aron, E. N. (1997). The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You. New York, NY: Broadway Books.
  2. Bullying Statistics (n.d.). Why Do People Bully. Retrieved from http://www.bullyingstatistics.org/content/why-do-people-bully.html
  3. Malonai, G. M., & Duncan, S. L. (2015). Gifted Identity Project. Cultural Influences on Gifted Families [Power Point Slides]. Retrieved from http://www.giftedidentity.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/GIP-Cultural_SENG2015.sm_.pdf
  4. Morelock, M. J. (1996). On the nature of giftedness and talent: Imposing order on chaos. Roeper Review, vol. 19(1), 4-12.
  5. Namie, G. (2014). WBI U.S.: Workplace Bullying Survey. Workplace Bullying Institute National Office.

Person wearing headphones sits alone in open office, smiling while working on laptopWhen many people with attention-deficit hyperactivity (ADHD) think about improving their productivity in the workplace, the main thing that comes to mind is creating and maintaining a to-do list. While keeping track of what you do is important, having your office set up in a way that suits your unique needs is vital to success in the workplace. This is true for anyone, but especially so for someone with ADHD, a condition that tends to make it difficult to concentrate and stay on task.

Here are four simple strategies to help those with ADHD create an optimal work environment:

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  1. Get comfortable. To the extent you have control over the furniture and layout, think about your work space. Make certain you have a comfortable, ergonomic chair. In addition to a traditional desk chair, some people find sitting on an inflated exercise ball part of the time or a standing desk attachment to be helpful in reducing fidgetiness. Alternatively, if you don’t like sitting at a desk and aren’t required to, consider other options that may be available to you. For example, some office environments might allow for you to sit on a couch or comfortable reclining chair. In other environments, you may be permitted to mount a large television to the wall in front of you to use as a computer screen, and then use a tray table, lap desk, or similar support item to hold a keyboard and mouse. If you sit with a tray table that is free-standing, make sure the height of it is comfortably proportional to the height of the couch or chair.
  2. Set up stations for different tasks. Spending all day sitting at a desk can be difficult even for people who don’t have symptoms of ADHD. Varying your seating position during the day can be beneficial. If possible, have a chair or couch in the office that you can use to sit at when doing certain tasks (such as reading, organizing papers, making charts, etc.). In addition, if you have a job where you work on a few major projects and have physical materials for them, try to devote a different portion of the room to each one.
  3. Reduce clutter. Having papers piled up on your desk can be distracting and may take away from your productivity. If you need a place to pile papers, it may be helpful to place them on a shelf out of immediate view. Of course, setting up an organizational system where papers are filed regularly so they don’t pile up in the first place would be best. Unless you are using items regularly, keep them off your desk as much as possible. Limit the items on your desk to things you use daily—your computer, perhaps your office phone, and not much else. Having an area within arm’s reach for pens, a stapler, hole punch, etc., may be useful to reduce the frequency of having to get up for supplies.
  4. Stay active. In addition to taking regular breaks, consider small things you can do to stay active while working. For example, using a desk bicycle or elliptical while working may help harness fidgeting while having the added benefit of improving your physical health. Using exercise bands attached to your chair may also be helpful.

Having the optimal work environment, or at least making it as comfortable as possible, is crucial to being successful in the workplace. I hope these suggestions are helpful.

Office worker stands by glass wall covered with sticky notes writing something on listIt’s another day at work. You’re preparing an upcoming presentation, checking your email every few minutes, texting your best friend, planning the weekend, and scrolling through Facebook—all while watching the clock and anxiously anticipating lunchtime. You’re multitasking, and you probably think you’re doing it well.

If you ask most people, chances are they will tell you they’re good at multitasking. Research tells us that isn’t the case. In fact, multitasking may actually make you less productive, even if you’re completing multiple tasks at once. According to Stanford professor Clifford Nass, the more you multitask, the less you are able to concentrate, learn, and even be nice to people.

Here are six reasons why you’re actually not as good at multitasking as you think you are:

1. Multitasking Makes It Harder to Filter Information

Research indicates that the more you multitask, the less your brain is able to filter out information. When comparing the brains of people who multitask versus those who don’t, researchers found those who multitask not only have difficulty filtering irrelevant information, but they actually exert more energy using parts of the brain that aren’t necessary for the task at hand.

On the contrary, when you focus on one thing at a time, the brain is able to zone in and filter out the rest, leaving more of your brain’s resources available to what you are actually doing.

2. Multitasking Makes It Difficult to Pay Attention

[fat_widget_right]Frequent multitasking can change the neural pathways in the brain. When we are constantly scattered, it makes it increasingly difficult for the brain to sustain attention for even short periods of time. MRIs taken of individuals while driving indicate that adding just one more activity in addition to driving can reduce the brain’s ability to pay attention to the road. For example, when drivers listen to other people in the car speak, the drivers’ attention levels toward driving go down by about 37%.

3. Multitasking Lowers Your Efficiency

Continuously switching back and forth between tasks makes the brain less available for the individual task at hand and ultimately lowers efficiency rather than improving productivity. A University of London research study indicated that people who multitask while performing cognitive tasks show significant drops in IQ (intelligence quotient) similar to those of people who had smoked marijuana or had not slept the night before. Something as simple as knowing there are unread emails in your inbox can lower IQ by 10 points.

4. Multitasking Makes Long-Term Goals Harder to Achieve

Multitasking trains our brains to seek instant gratification. Constantly switching from task to task, checking your email, and scrolling your Twitter feed creates a constant need for feedback.

With each text message you send or email you respond to, your brain gets a surge of dopamine—one of the brain’s feel-good hormones—which encourages you to continue the rewarding behavior. This leads the brain to seek more instant gratification and makes it difficult to sustain the attention needed to work toward long-term goals.

When you don’t quickly receive that release of dopamine, you may become bored or uncomfortable and give up on the task in order to do other short-term tasks. While these tasks offer that reward more quickly, they are less rewarding in the long-term. This feedback loop may make you feel like you’re accomplishing a lot, but you may realize it doesn’t amount to much at the end of the day.

5. Multitasking Lowers Emotional Intelligence

Research has shown multitasking lowers emotional intelligence and can actually make us less friendly. A study conducted by the University of Sussex concluded that individuals who used multiple devices at once (cell phone, computer, television, etc.) and who multitasked more often showed less brain activity in the anterior cingulate cortex—the area of the brain that governs emotional control and empathy.

6. Multitasking Causes More Stress

According to multiple studies, chronic multitaskers have increased levels of the stress hormone cortisol. Normal levels of cortisol can be helpful for the body, but when levels are too high it can cause reproductive issues, increase inflammation in the body, raise blood sugar, weaken the immune system, increase belly fat, and damage the parts of the brain that control memory. Many people who multitask have issues with working memory, which can make it more difficult to make rational decisions.

Tips for Improving Your Ability to Single Task:

References:

  1. Baer, D. (2013, October 9). What multitasking does to your brain. Retrieved from http://www.fastcompany.com/3019659/leadership-now/what-multitasking-does-to-your-brain
  2. Chapman, S.C. (2013, May 8). Why single-tasking makes you smarter. Retrieved from http://www.forbes.com/sites/nextavenue/2013/05/08/why-single-tasking-makes-you-smarter/#18e70d131b5c
  3. Gupta, S. (2016, August 1). Your brain on multitasking. Retrieved from http://www.cnn.com/2015/04/09/health/your-brain-multitasking/
  4. Kim, L. (2015, July 15). Multitasking is killing your brain. Retrieved from http://www.inc.com/larry-kim/why-multi-tasking-is-killing-your-brain.html

Adult sitting at table uses computer to apply for jobWhen you find yourself between jobs and under pressure to find a new one as quickly as possible, depression and anxiety are real risks. Attending interview after interview and receiving rejections—or, worse, hearing nothing—can be discouraging, especially when the interviews seemed to go well, and feelings of frustration, anger, and depression can develop. Anxiety can accompany these feelings: What if I mess up this interview? What if I can’t find a job? How will I pay my bills? How will I provide for my family?

These thoughts can be debilitating. They may loop repeatedly, keeping you up at night, affecting your mood, and causing more stress. Thought patterns like these also have the potential to affect productivity and the ability to think clearly, which can have a negative impact on the job-hunting process.

To improve your outlook and ability to think clearly, deeply, and strategically during your job search, try the following tips:

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Separate Planning from Doing

When you are anxious about your career prospects, you may find yourself wanting to do something—anything—to get a job. But anxiety can narrow your thinking tremendously. You may find yourself making list after list, plan after plan, but stall before completing these tasks. Separating planning from doing can make it easier to stay productive and focused on realistic goals. Planning the steps you will take in the following days and weeks can be helpful, but carrying out the steps you’ve listed is not only likely to help you feel a sense of achievement, but may pay off in the form of a job.

Write It Down

Set aside a specific time every evening to write down how you will make the best use of the next day. Doing it in the evening is key. If you try to do this in the morning, there is a sense of urgency that compels you to just do something, and this is likely to detract from your focus rather than increase it. Actually put pen to paper so your plan can be by your bedside when you wake up and so you can cross things off when you finish them. Making a plan for the next day at night can also help you relax before bed: you’ll already know what you need to do the next day, and you can take a break from thinking about it.

Exercise Daily

Include at least an hour of exercise in your daily written schedule. Exercise can boost your mood, help relieve stress, and help you sleep. An added benefit of exercise is a change of scene: sitting at home in front of a computer or on the phone can make anyone short-sighted. Movement, fresh air, and activity can help you regain perspective.

Try Strength Training

Consider strength training in addition to daily cardiovascular exercise. Strength training does more than build muscles: it can improve self-confidence, which can be a benefit when trying to sell yourself in the job market. A gym membership isn’t necessary: push-ups, crunches, dips, squats, and calf raises are all great exercises that require no equipment. A mini-workout is also an excellent antidote for moments of paralyzing stress. For moments of extreme anxiety, try spending five or 10 minutes doing super-sets.

Don’t Isolate

An item that should be on every job hunter’s daily schedule is social contact. Social contact might be meeting a friend for lunch or even a phone conversation with a supportive family member. Many people instinctively react to hard times by isolating, but this tendency is often a factor in feelings of depression and anxiety. Resisting the urge to isolate can help combat these feelings and may prevent them from developing or becoming overwhelming.

Find Fun Things to Do That Are Free or Inexpensive

Money being tight can have an impact on your typical social activities, but don’t let that keep you stuck in the house.

Money being tight can have an impact on your typical social activities, but don’t let that keep you stuck in the house. Think of things to do that cost little or nothing, and invite someone you care about to join you. Make plans to take a walk, prepare a meal from scratch, or host a tea or coffee social. Keep an eye out for free things to do. Libraries often have daytime, weekend, and evening activities for children or adults, and many museums have free admission one day a month.

Be There for Others

Being in between jobs doesn’t mean you have nothing to offer—you are still the good friend you were when you had money. If it becomes challenging to believe this and self-doubt or self-pity become overwhelming, think of someone who might like to hear from you and give them a call or send a text. Volunteering is another way to fight isolation, and it has the added benefit of allowing you to give back to the community. Volunteering can also provide valuable networking opportunities.

Keep a Regular Sleep/Wake Schedule

Going to bed and waking up at the same time every day can help you stay productive and will also regulate your mood. Set an alarm Monday through Friday, and go to bed early enough to get a full night’s sleep so you are well-rested and ready to do your best in the morning. When you have a whole day to yourself it can seem like you have all the time in the world, but this time goes by quickly. Having a plan for each day can help you make the most of your working hours and help prevent feelings of self-recrimination at the end of the day. A regulated sleep/wake pattern may reduce the risk of depression or be part of a treatment strategy. Eating and exercising at the same time each day can help, too.

Take Time for Reflection to Solidify Learning

Taking time to reflect can increase your chances of learning from your experiences. At the end of each day, look at your list and cross off the things you’ve accomplished. Try writing down what you feel proud of accomplishing that day. Give yourself credit for the steps you took, big or small, toward re-employment and toward staying focused and healthy. Consider whether there is anything you want to do differently the next day. Did you learn any lessons or discover any changes to make? Put your energy into making these changes, not being hard on yourself for any mistakes, in order to have an even more productive day tomorrow.

References:

  1. Bayer, R. (2009, February 20). Stress management – 11 tips to help you sail through your job search. Retrieved from http://www.itworld.com/article/2770626/careers/stress-management—11-tips-to-help-you-sail-through-your-job-search.html
  2. Landau, E. (2012, June 15). Unemployment takes tough mental toll. Retrieved from http://www.cnn.com/2012/06/14/health/mental-health/psychology-unemployment
  3. Warrell, M. (2012, June 12). Bouncing back from job loss: The 7 habits of highly effective job hunters. Retrieved from http://www.forbes.com/sites/womensmedia/2012/06/12/bouncing-back-from-job-loss-the-7-habits-of-highly-effective-job-hunters/#4ee648725b15

Side view of woman working at table with coffee and laptopBy nature, humans are emotional creatures. When things are going well, you are likely to experience positive emotions that often lead to increased motivation and productivity. However, in times of hardship or stress, it can be challenging to leave negative feelings at home and keep them from impacting your work.

Whether you work in an office or from home, staying productive in times of personal crisis is no easy task. When a loved one is diagnosed with an illness, a pet passes away, or your partner loses a job, the added stress, grief, or anxiety can be distracting and sometimes even debilitating.

At some point, you may face a time when life stressors come up, and you may not be able to put your professional life on hold. Here are 11 tips to help you stay focused and remain productive in a time of personal crisis.

1. Adjust Your Schedule

In a time of crisis, you may need to adjust your schedule to accommodate personal matters. Time management is key to maintaining your professional life when your personal life requires more attention than usual.

Take a look at your schedule and see how you can adapt it. In medical situations, you may need to attend health appointments in the mornings and work later in the afternoon, or vice versa. Try to plan your day efficiently to maximize the value of the time you are able to put in at work. Consider scheduling your time in blocks with frequent breaks. Taking a break can help you reset and prevent emotional overwhelm.

2. Practice Self-Compassion

Be gentle with yourself. Don’t beat yourself up for not performing as well as you think you should. Remember: you are human. If you’re grieving the loss of a loved one, anxious about a medical diagnosis, or stressed about some other personal matter, allow yourself to recognize your emotions as a normal part of the experience.

Feeling distracted or foggy during stressful times is not uncommon. It may take time to bounce back, so give yourself a break. Honor your feelings and do the best you can under the circumstances. Praise yourself for what you do manage to accomplish rather than feeling frustrated by any difficulties you may be experiencing.

Amy Armstrong, LPC, suggests embracing difficult emotions rather than suppressing them.

“For many of us, it’s tempting to tamp down those unpleasant feelings and hide them. This usually just increases your stress levels,” Armstrong said. “Confide in friends you trust. Get professional or peer support, if you are comfortable with that. Go for a run. Have a good cry. Most importantly: feel what you need to feel and let it out. I’m not advising anyone to freely cry at their desk because that can be problematic in other ways, but it’s important to own your feelings and give yourself an outlet. If you can do it in a fairly controlled way, those emotions are less likely to just pop up in places where they are less helpful to you—like in the middle of a stressful meeting.

3. Share with Discernment

[fat_widget_right]When times are tough, talking about your situation can provide you with support and help you process your emotions. However, it is important to use discernment when sharing personal details.

Depending on your situation, you might be obligated to share some information with your supervisor, but you may want to be more cautious when sharing information with coworkers.

Ask yourself how sharing this information could impact the relationship and your personal situation. Do you work in the type of workplace that is friendly and open with personal concerns? Are you prepared to hear any advice or input your coworkers may have about your situation? How might telling your coworkers impact your performance at work?

In some instances, sharing your situation with your colleagues may make things easier for you. In others, it could become more challenging. Consider the effects and use discernment before you choose to share.

4. Practice Living in the Moment

Meditation and mindfulness practices can help you embrace the moment and find feelings of inner peace and acceptance even during the hardest of times. By practicing being present, you can prevent yourself from ruminating about your problems, dwelling on the past, or worrying about the future. A daily meditation practice can help you to remain mindful and present at work and help you stay focused on the task at hand.

It may also be helpful to reframe your time at work as an escape from what is happening in your personal life. Focusing on another task can provide temporary relief from any turmoil or crisis you may be dealing with at home.

5. Use Your Support System

Sometimes it can be tough to ask for help from others, even when it is needed the most. If you are dealing with a crisis, it can be very difficult to stay productive without a solid support system. Seek out the people in your life who you can count on during times of hardship and reach out to them. Perhaps you need someone to take your child to school, prepare meals, clean the house, or just to listen to you. If you try to maintain everything on your own, you’re more likely to experience emotional overwhelm, which will not only increase your stress, but it can wind up making you less productive in the long run.

6. Prioritize and Delegate

Recognize that your productivity potential will likely be lower during times of crisis. So make the best use of the productivity you have by prioritizing your tasks. Create to-do lists and prioritize the most important tasks first.

“Even though it’s difficult, this is a time to be diligent about saying no to extra commitments to people in your personal and professional life,” Armstrong said. “You’ve gone the extra mile for others when they were having difficulties, and you can do so again, but this isn’t the time.”

Delegating tasks to others can also be helpful. Look to your co-workers for assistance when possible, rather than trying to conquer everything on your own.

7. Practice Self-Care

When you are under a large amount of stress, it can be easy to forget about the importance of taking care of yourself. In times of crisis, people tend to be more vulnerable and self-care may be more important than ever. Do your best to take good care of yourself. Remember to eat healthy foods, exercise, and take time to rest.

“Self-care during times of personal crisis is crucial,” Armstrong said. “Don’t skimp on things like sleep, baths, workouts, walks, massages, or just time spent kind of zoning out for 10 minutes. Taking the time to take care of yourself is the best investment you can make during difficult times. It helps you maintain your resilience (and your sense of humor) when you need it the most.”

8. Acknowledge Difficult Days

Remember you are human. You are allowed to feel emotions. Some days will be more difficult than others. There may be days when you don’t have the strength to get out of bed. Even when you’re trying so hard to focus on what’s important, some tasks may slip your mind, and that’s okay.

“Even though it may sound selfish and may seem like everyone says this, if you are going through a personal crisis, you need to make sure that you put yourself first and are honest about what you can and cannot do,” Armstrong said.

Don’t berate yourself for your feelings. Instead, allow yourself to feel the emotions at the surface, knowing that everything passes in time.

9. Choose Positive Coping Skills

Stress often makes it easier to reach for a vice. Whether it’s smoking cigarettes, drinking alcohol, overspending, gambling, or some other addictive habit, everyone has weaknesses. While vices may relieve some stressful feelings immediately, they usually wind up making things worse and increasing stress over time.

Rather than engaging in a bad habit, use positive coping mechanisms to deal with your stress. These might include spending time with loved ones, exercising, eating a healthy and delicious meal, napping, meditating, trying a new hobby, or working on a creative activity.

10. Take Some Time Off

As much as you might want to be productive, sometimes it is necessary to take some time off to heal. If things get too challenging to maintain, use some of your vacation or sick days and take some time away from work.

Though Armstrong advocates for a combination of an improved self-care routine, increased exercise, and therapy, she suggests people do an honest self-assessment on how they’re coping with everything.

When you are under a large amount of stress, it can be easy to forget about the importance of taking care of yourself. In times of crisis, people tend to be more vulnerable and self-care may be more important than ever.“If you are seriously considering taking a leave of absence from work, talk to your doctor and mental health professional as soon as possible regarding appropriate documentation. Also, contact your Human Resources department regarding the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA),” Armstrong said. “Do not tell your manager or co-workers about your personal crisis. It may seem tempting, but if you are considering a leave of absence, it is crucial that all of your information remain confidential and that starts with you. Even the Human Resources department should only be provided with the minimum amount of documentation required to substantiate your request for leave, and all of that should come from medical professionals, not you. It’s important to remember this because even though nobody is supposed to press you for details, they often do.”

Armstrong suggests the best time to request a leave of absence is before a personal crisis starts to affect your work performance. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you need from your employer. Oftentimes, people will be willing to work with you to come up with a solution that works for everyone. Many people may feel guilty for missing work, but remember emotional crises can sometimes be as debilitating as physical illnesses, and some time off may be the best way to start the healing process.

11. See a Therapist or Attend a Support Group

Therapists and counselors play an important role in helping people cope with a crisis. Psychotherapy can help individuals assess their situation and create positive coping skills to manage their stress.

Support groups can also be a valuable means of support. They are widely available for those facing many different life challenges, from cancer to divorce to drug addiction. Whatever you’re dealing with, being able to talk with another person who can empathize with your situation can be helpful.

Two businessmen talking seriously, blurred focusJake, who has been seeing me for therapy for some time, is sliding further into depression. He is struggling to get up in the morning, complete daily living tasks, and concentrate at work. Jake needs to take some mental health days off to stabilize his mood, but he’s unsure how his employer will handle his request.

Also working with me in therapy is Sarah, a person with a chronic illness who is unemployed but wants to work part-time to contribute to her family. She experiences unexpected pain and fatigue that can be debilitating, sometimes confining her to bed all day. Sarah isn’t sure if she should tell her potential employer in the interview about her condition, fearing she will not be hired.

Does either of these situations resonate with you due to a mental or physical diagnosis? Are you afraid to tell your employer about your condition out of fear you will be treated unfairly? If so, you are not alone. Many people with chronic conditions face this dilemma.

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Should You Tell Your Employer?

How do you decide whether to tell your employer about your diagnosis? Certainly, there are risks to disclosing; you leave yourself vulnerable to those around you and risk being treated differently or unfairly. But there are dangers to not telling, too. If you don’t disclose your condition’s symptoms to your employer, you run the risk of being seen as incompetent or lazy at your job, which could lead to negative consequences. And if you don’t disclose important information, you may not be protected legally in the event of discrimination.

What are your rights, you ask? The Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) protects you from any potential consequences and requires employers to make reasonable accommodations for anyone with a condition it defines as a “disability.”

Certainly, there are risks to disclosing; you leave yourself vulnerable to those around you and risk being treated differently or unfairly. But there are dangers to not telling, too.

The term “disability” is defined by the U.S. Department of Labor as:

Likewise, a mental health disability is “a mental impairment that substantially limits a major life activity.” Some common mental health conditions include depression, bipolar, posttraumatic stress (PTSD), obsessive compulsion (OCD), panic, and schizophrenia.

Common challenges include:

Ultimately, disclosing your disability to your employer is a personal decision. It might be helpful for you to find support in making this decision. Your choice to tell can change depending upon the situation and the need for an accommodation. If you decide to tell your employer about your condition, do so in a way that feels good for you; share as much as you think is necessary with those who need to know.

Note: To protect confidentiality, names in the preceding article were changed by the author.

References:

  1. Tugend, A. (2014, November 14). Deciding whether to disclose mental disorders to the boss. The New York Times. Retrieved from https://www.nytimes.com/2014/11/15/your-money/disclosing-mental-disorders-at-work.html
  2. United States Department of Labor. (2016). Entering the World of Work: What Youth with Mental Health Needs Should Know About Accommodations. Retrieved from http://www.dol.gov/odep/pubs/fact/transitioning.htm

Young child sits in grass by fence and screamsAs adults, we don’t typically have tantrums. We don’t throw ourselves on the floor crying and screaming. We can, however, act out when we don’t have a space to honestly express our feelings.

Many people enter therapy with the intention of learning to control their stress. This is often preceded by verbal warnings at work telling them their stress is too visible.

Crying is a big one. Getting angry is another.

Once, a person shared with me that his latest performance evaluation advised him to “find a better way to hide your stress.” Not “decrease your stress.” Not “maybe this job is too difficult and we’re pushing you too hard.” Not “maybe you’re being treated poorly here.”

No, they wanted him to hide his stress better so as not to see it. They didn’t want to deal with his emotions.

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I can understand this, to some extent, from an employer’s perspective. It’s hard to work in an atmosphere where someone is crying all the time. Certainly, it’s a challenge to focus on work if someone is screaming and pounding on their desk.

But office or workplace culture often sends mixed, even hypocritical, messages. In many workplaces, when a boss is stressed it’s perfectly acceptable to berate a subordinate, even in front of other employees. Expressions of the boss’ stress are allowed. Anyone else who gets upset or looks frazzled, though—that’s not okay. Giving back anger to a boss who is giving it to you? That’s a big no-no.

Some people can take their stress out on others, but most can’t.

So what to do?

Allow Yourself to Have Your Feelings

It’s important to understand that where there’s a crying jag or aggressive streak, there’s usually a buildup of attempts to push those feelings away by squelching or stuffing them. When those feelings come rushing out, it often follows days, maybe weeks, of holding them in.

When you fully express your feelings in the safe confines of your therapist’s office, you don’t have to do it in your boss’ office. You learn to modulate, but not squelch.

You can learn techniques to hide your feelings, but they’re going to come out somewhere, sometime. They’re going to pop out when you go home and are short with your kids, snap at your partner, or yell at the barista for not giving you the correct change. Maybe you’ll notice your body responds with muscle tension, headaches, or by getting sick.

That can happen with unexpressed feelings.

In session, a person will tell me the story of what’s been happening at work. I’ll hear about various incidents, but the feelings they inspire still might not be fully expressed.

It’s an interesting phenomenon, people in therapy continuing to not express their feelings.

Here’s the thing, though: When you fully express your feelings in the safe confines of your therapist’s office, you don’t have to do it in your boss’ office. You learn to modulate, but not squelch.

Express Feelings Where It’s Safe to Do So

Ever see the kid who’s an angel at school but has big tantrums at home? Ever witnessed how exhausted, yet fully soothed, that child becomes because they were able to show their “worst self” to someone safe and trusted, who acknowledged and empathized with their pain, who didn’t punish them, who comforted them when they were done?

It might seem paradoxical, but having tantrums at home can allow the child to have a higher frustration tolerance at school. The child knows they can express those feelings in a safe environment and, perhaps, explore the meanings behind the feelings with the parents.

You’re Not Too Emotional

The same concept applies with adults and therapy. Regardless of age, we all need to express our feelings somewhere, sometime, to keep them from coming out in destructive ways. Expressing strong feelings in therapy means you don’t have to release them to such a large extent at work.

Many people worry that if they deeply feel their feelings, there’ll be no turning back. If they turn on the tap, will they be able to turn it off? But like the child who feels safe having a tantrum at home and has no behavioral problems at school, we can learn to tolerate difficult feelings as they arise and express them fully in safe spaces.

We learn that feelings come and go. We learn to hold our partners when they cry. We learn to sit with our buddies when they’re depressed. We’re not too emotional. We just spend too much time trying to hold in emotions instead of listening to them.

Walking in park

Compassion fatigue can be a serious occupational hazard for those in any kind of helping profession, with a majority of those in the field reporting experiencing at least some degree of it in their lives. This is no surprise, as it is typically those with the most empathy who are the most at risk.

Compassion fatigue is characterized by physical and emotional exhaustion and a profound decrease in the ability to empathize. It is a form of secondary traumatic stress, as the stress occurs as a result of helping or wanting to help those who are in need. It is often referred to as “the cost of caring” for others who are in physical or emotional pain. If left untreated, compassion fatigue not only can affect mental and physical health, but it can also have serious legal and ethical implications when providing therapeutic services to people.

While it is not uncommon to hear compassion fatigue referred to as burnout, the conditions are not the same. Compassion fatigue is more treatable than burnout, but it can be less predictable and may come on suddenly or without much warning, whereas burnout usually develops over time.

Because it can arise so abruptly, it can be important for therapists and others in the helping professions to protect themselves from this condition. Here are 11 ways to prevent compassion fatigue from happening to you:

1. Get Educated

If you know you are at risk for compassion fatigue, taking the time to learn the signs and symptoms can be a helpful means of prevention.

The most common signs and symptoms of compassion fatigue include:

[fat_widget_right]Knowing the signs and symptoms and continuing to check in with yourself can help you better prevent and manage compassion fatigue if it arises. Many people find that ranking their level of compassion fatigue on a scale of 1-10 is an effective strategy. For example, a rank of 6 might mean you are declining social invitations due to feeling drained and a 7 might be difficulty sleeping due to excessive worry about someone else’s well-being.

Cultivating a high level of self-awareness and understanding of how your 6 differs from your 7 can help you gage where you are so you can implement necessary strategies to avoid the red zone that would likely be a 9 or 10.

It is not only the work itself that poses a risk, but the person’s life conditions as well. For example, someone who is not only taking care of people at work, but also caring for a child or adult family member at home may be even more susceptible to compassion fatigue. If you are currently experiencing increased life stressors at home as well as in the workplace, prevention strategies against compassion fatigue may be important.

If you think you may be experiencing compassion fatigue, you can take a compassion fatigue self-assessment developed by the Compassion Fatigue Awareness Project here.

2. Practice Self-Care

Practicing self-care can be a critical method of protecting yourself against compassion fatigue. It is not uncommon for those who are constantly concerned with the needs of others to wind up neglecting their own.

Those who practice good self-care are significantly less vulnerable to stress and compassion fatigue than those who fail to do so. A good self-care regimen will look different for each person, but it should generally include:

Making time for these self-care activities leaves less room for overworking, which can lead to compassion fatigue, said Nicole Urdang, MS, NCC, DHM, a holistic psychotherapist based in New York.

“Overworking is often at the heart of compassion fatigue and its first cousin: vicarious trauma,” Urdang said. “Taking the very best care of yourself includes setting limits.”

3. Set Emotional Boundaries

It can be especially important for therapists, social workers, nurses, and caregivers alike to set firm emotional boundaries to protect themselves. Empathy and compassion are generally at the forefront of a human services career.

If left untreated, compassion fatigue not only can affect mental and physical health, but it can also have serious legal and ethical implications when providing therapeutic services to people.The challenge is to remain compassionate, empathetic, and supportive of others without becoming overly involved and taking on another’s pain. Setting emotional boundaries helps maintain a connection while still remembering and honoring the fact that you are a separate person with your own needs.

If people in a human services career are exposed to too much trauma, they may begin to feel overwhelmed, and people may feel that overwhelm in different ways, Urdang said.

“It might manifest as insomnia, overeating, skipping meals, addictive behavior, isolating oneself, depression, anxiety, or anger. We might find ourselves fighting with partners or children, having no patience, feeling exhausted, noticing a lowered libido, unmotivated, and, paradoxically, being less interested in what our clients have to say,” she said. “Believe it or not, these are all helpful, as they quickly alert us to our depleted state. If we are paying attention and are committed to radical self-care, we can act on this awareness by rebalancing our life. If that is not possible, simply taking short breaks throughout the day to close your eyes, focus on your breath, or put your hands on your heart and send yourself some compassion can all make a big difference.”

4. Engage in Outside Hobbies

Maintaining a solid work-life balance can help protect you from compassion fatigue. When all your time is spent working or thinking about work, it can be easy to burn out. Studies have shown work-life balance is becoming more important to workers, and making time for leisure activities and personal hobbies outside of work can help lower stress levels and improve overall life satisfaction.

5. Cultivate Healthy Friendships Outside of Work

While it is great to have strong relationships with your co-workers, it is equally important to cultivate and maintain healthy relationships outside of work. It can sometimes be difficult for co-workers to avoid talking about work even outside the workplace. Connecting with friends who are not aware of the ins and outs of your work situation can provide much needed emotional and professional relief.

6. Keep a Journal

Journaling is an excellent way to process and release emotions that may arise from your line of work. Taking the time to cultivate self-awareness and connect with your personal thoughts and feelings can help prevent suppression of emotions, which can lead to compassion fatigue over time.

7. Boost Your Resiliency

Resilience is our ability to bounce back from stress. While some people seem to naturally be more resilient than others, resilience is a skill that can be learned and cultivated.

“Resilience can be thought of as the ability to adapt to and become stronger through adversity,” said Marjie L. Roddick, MA, LMHC. “It can be a protective factor against compassion fatigue, so those with higher resiliency are better able to prevent compassion fatigue. Resilience is something that can be learned, and enhancing or boosting it can reduce the effects of compassion fatigue as new coping methods are learned.”

8. Use Positive Coping Strategies

While it may be tempting to wash away the stress and emotional burdens of your job with alcohol or drugs, this can actually work in the reverse and compound stress in the long run. Consider making a list of positive coping strategies to use in times of stress. This might include deep breathing, meditation, taking a walk, talking with a friend, watching a funny movie, or relaxing in a hot bath.

9. Identify Workplace Strategies

Workplace strategies are often an important part of compassion fatigue prevention. If your employer does not currently have any in place, consider suggesting their implementation.

Some workplace strategies that have been proven to be beneficial are:

10. Seek Personal Therapy

If you find yourself feeling emotionally vulnerable, significantly stressed, or overwhelmed, consider seeing a therapist who can help you process your feelings and implement strategies to help you combat compassion fatigue and maintain a healthy work-life balance.

References:

  1. Badger, K. (2008). Preventing compassion fatigue: Caring for ourselves while caring for others. Phoenix Society’s Burn Support News. Retrieved from http://www.phoenix-society.org/resources/entry/preventing-compassion-fatigue
  2. Brooks, C. (2013, March 5). Career success means work-life balance, study finds. Retrieved from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/05/career-success-means-work-life-balance_n_2812707.html
  3. Boyle, D. A. (2011, January). Countering compassion fatigue: A requisite nursing agenda. The Online Journal of Issues in Nursing, 16, (1). Retrieved from http://www.nursingworld.org/MainMenuCategories/ANAMarketplace/ANAPeriodicals/OJIN/TableofContents/Vol-16-2011/No1-Jan-2011/Countering-Compassion-Fatigue.html
  4. Mathieu, F. (2007). Running on empty: Compassion fatigue in health professionals. Rehab & Community Care Medicine. Retrieved from: http://www.compassionfatigue.org/pages/RunningOnEmpty.pdf

Businesswoman presenting to colleagues at a meetingWhile there are many benefits to having high intelligence, many managers, supervisors, and other workers—particularly those who work in businesses in which interpersonal relationships are key—have become keenly aware that workplace success may depend on their ability to use another invaluable personality trait: emotional intelligence.

What Is Emotional Intelligence?

The concept of emotional intelligence (EQ) was introduced by psychologists Peter Salovey and John Mayer in a landmark article in 1990. The idea was popularized in 1995 by psychologist and author Daniel Goleman after the release of his book, Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More than IQ.

Emotional intelligence refers to the capacity to identify, evaluate, and manage emotions in one’s self as well as in other people. While some researchers believe this ability may be trained and developed, other experts suggest emotional intelligence is a trait a person must be born with.

Principles of Emotional Intelligence

[fat_widget_right]A number of theories have emerged to explain the concept of emotional intelligence. Salovey and Mayer developed the ability model, which emphasizes a person’s capacity to understand and use emotional information in social contexts. Konstantin Vasily Petrides developed the trait model, which focuses on how people view their own emotional abilities, and Goleman developed the mixed model, which uses principles from both the ability and trait models.

Though each model has its distinguishing features, the underlying principles of the models are similar. According to Goleman, the key principles of emotional intelligence include:

Emotional Intelligence in the Workplace

Many mental health experts believe emotional intelligence is a valuable asset in the workplace. In certain environments, employees with high levels of emotional intelligence may be better able to cooperate with others, manage work-related stress, solve conflicts within workplace relationships, and learn from previous interpersonal mistakes.

This may not mean high emotional intelligence is beneficial or necessary for all jobs. Studies show that while jobs that require large amounts of interpersonal interaction—for example, sales or real estate jobs—may benefit from workers who possess high emotional intelligence, the opposite is true for occupations that are generally more individualistic, such as a research scientist or an accountant.

In settings where people tend to work alone, people who possess high emotional intelligence may actually perform at a lower level than the average worker because they may be overly concerned about the emotions of other people.

Emotional Intelligence and Leadership

In certain environments, employees with high emotional intelligence may be better able to cooperate with others, manage work-related stress, solve conflicts that may arise within workplace relationships, and learn from previous interpersonal mistakes.Though emotional intelligence may not be necessary for every type of job, it can be a vital trait for most people in leadership positions. To be effective leaders in the workplace, managers, supervisors, and other authority figures must be able to function productively with people under their charge. A good leader is able to create the type of work environment where each person feels relevant and motivated to succeed.

Leaders with high emotional intelligence are able to use their social skills to foster rapport and trust with their employees. They tend to view their team members as individuals with unique abilities, backgrounds, and personalities, rather than as a uniform collective. Effective leaders seek to understand and connect emotionally with their staff—genuinely sharing in their joys as well as their concerns. The ability to build mutual trust and respect can become especially important if an unpopular decision is made within the business setting, but the managers need to keep their teams working efficiently.

Like all other types of relationships, work relationships may experience problems sooner or later. When conflict arises, leaders with high emotional intelligence may be better able to control their own impulses, view the situation from all perspectives, and seek mutually beneficial solutions. Effective leaders are transparent and are not afraid to admit when they are wrong. They are also more likely to try to improve work relationships.

Telltale Signs of Leaders with Low Emotional Intelligence

While leaders with high EQ are more likely to maximize the efforts and output of their employees, leaders with low EQ are more likely to have a negative impact on the productivity of their teams. Leaders with low EQ may display attitudes and behaviors such as:

Despite these issues, however, some experts believe emotional intelligence may be trained and developed.

The Potential Downsides of Emotional Intelligence

Though emotional intelligence is usually painted in a positive light and is often considered to be a valuable personality trait, a balanced view of the concept can be important. Emotional intelligence, like any other skill or talent, may be used positively or negatively depending on the intentions of the person wielding the ability.

As people with high EQ are better able to manage their own emotions and evaluate the emotions of others, they have the capacity to be more deceptive and manipulative than other people. Business leaders with high EQ and self-serving motives may toy with the emotions of their employees, using them to climb the corporate ladder with little regard for their workers’ long-term welfare.

Such leaders may also pretend to offer friendship and support, while secretly seeking to undermine the ambitions of team members who could become potential rivals. They may even expose their workers to public embarrassment, shame, or guilt in an effort to reach their own personal goals.

Those seeking to become effective leaders may do well to reflect on the importance of emotional intelligence. Leaders who are eager to hone specific aspects of their emotional intelligence may utilize self-help publications or seek the support of a qualified counselor, therapist, or coach.

References:

  1. Craemer, M. (n.d.). Emotional intelligence is vital to workplace success. Retrieved from https://www.washington.edu/admin/hr/pod/leaders/orgdev/alliance/articles/EQ_Craemer.pdf
  2. Deleon, M. (2015, May 8). The importance of emotional intelligence at work. Retrieved from http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/245755
  3. Grant, A. (2014, January 2). The dark side of emotional intelligence. The Atlantic. Retrieved from http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/01/the-dark-side-of-emotional-intelligence/282720/
  4. Llopis, G. (2012, September 24). 5 ways to lead with emotional intelligence—and boost productivity. Retrieved from http://www.forbes.com/sites/glennllopis/2012/09/24/5-ways-to-lead-with-emotional-intelligence-and-boost-productivity/
  5. Salovey, P. & Mayer, J. D. (1990). Emotional intelligence. Retrieved from http://www.unh.edu/emotional_intelligence/EIAssets/EmotionalIntelligenceProper/EI1990%20Emotional%20Intelligence.pdf

You describe yourself as cooperative, gregarious, and caring. These are the strengths I hope you will use to help yourself and your colleagues—the old ones and the new ones—so you can work together to develop a new work family system.

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It is very difficult when a few new people join a workplace at about the same time, especially as they may seem to have more in common with one another than with the longer-term employees. You write that their age range is roughly 25 to 40 and that they are younger than you and your “softer” friends. I’m guessing there is a generation gap, and that different styles and ways of being are in conflict. If so, it might help to talk things out together, perhaps with a professional mediator if things get too hot.

Perhaps those people who have been working at your office longer may feel that their status is threatened. This is not an uncommon response to change in the workplace. The task for each and all of you is to find common ground so you can work together and get along.

You describe the new people as strong personalities with a “sense of entitlement” and a zealous approach; overbearing but also competent, equally competent to you and your friends. Is there parity in your compensation and benefits? I am curious as to all the reasons they seem so “other.”

You have a lot to offer, and can use your personality, experience, and wisdom to nurture the new arrivals and help create a warmer work space.

I wonder, too, if the new people have new ideas, new approaches, and new ways of doing things that may seem to challenge the more established procedures. This can be annoying and shake things and people up, but you can all also benefit from their “newness” by seeing things from a different perspective, which might be an asset. If the new crowd has new ideas, it would benefit everyone to give those ideas a forum where they can be explored and perhaps even worked out.

So my advice is to take some deep breaths and take a step back. You have a lot to offer, and can use your personality, experience, and wisdom to nurture the new arrivals and help create a warmer work space.

You’re describing an “us vs. them” situation, which never works. I’m hoping that your “softer” personality may be just the thing that helps people work together and blend the lines between the “old” and the new.

Best wishes,
Lynn

Important Notice

GoodTherapy is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, medical treatment, or therapy. Always seek the advice of your physician or qualified mental health provider with any questions you may have regarding any mental health symptom or medical condition. Never disregard professional psychological or medical advice nor delay in seeking professional advice or treatment because of something you have read on GoodTherapy.