Insecurity, or a tendency to lack confidence or certainty in oneself, may be experienced by most people regarding some aspect of their lives. For many, feelings of insecurity can be resolved before they have a lasting, harmful impact. When one deals with generalized insecurity for a long period of time, however, the doubt and negative feelings experienced may have a significant effect on life.
Insecurity is linked to mental health conditions such as narcissism, anxiety, paranoia, and addictive or dependent personalities.
What Is Insecurity?
A person with high levels of insecurity may often experience a lack of confidence regarding many aspects of life. It may be difficult for that person to form lasting relationships or attend to daily tasks, due to a self-perception of helplessness or inadequacy.
Insecurity often causes negative thoughts about one’s ability to fit in with peers, reach goals, or find acceptance and support. The condition often accompanies anxiety: Individuals who experience the feelings of fear, worry, and self-doubt that characterize anxiety may easily feel similarly helpless to meet the challenges of daily life. Thus, they may find it easier to resist dealing with stressful situations, feeling inadequately equipped to handle them.
What Causes Insecurity?
There is no one cause of insecurity; many factors can lead to the condition. Insecurity may stem from a traumatic event, crisis such as divorce or bankruptcy, or a loss. It can also result from one’s environment, as unpredictability or upset in daily life can cause anxiety and insecurity about ordinary, routine events. People who have recurring insecurities may also have low self-esteem, experience body image issues, lack direction in life, or feel overlooked by others.
Insecurity also tends to surface in adults whose parents pushed them excessively in childhood, often due to their parents’ desire for success rather than their own, and in adults whose significant others drive them to excel, often to an unrealistic level, regardless of the individual’s own desires or goals.
The attachment bond, or a child’s first love relationship, formed with the primary caregiver, also plays a large role in the development of insecurities. An insecure attachment may result when the caregiver does not respond to the infant’s needs adequately. An infant may develop an insecure attachment from abuse, but also from simple isolation or loneliness.
Children with a parent who is inconsistent or self-absorbed may grow up unable to form lasting emotional connections and be anxious and fearful, not knowing what to expect from life just as they did not know what to expect from the parent. Studies have also found people who commit violence against their partners are more likely to have experienced an insecure attachment as a child.
Intimate relationships can be another source of insecurity for many individuals. People who experience insecurity in their relationships may also be affected by attachment insecurity. Individuals in relationships with insecure attachment have been found to be more likely to interpret their partner’s behavior as hostile or negative. This tendency can lead people to react defensively to their partners, which can escalate relationship conflict or even create conflict from a neutral interaction.
Effects of Insecurity
Insecure individuals, in addition to struggling with the formation of healthy relationships, also may find it difficult to share emotions or be forthright about important aspects of daily life, such as those pertaining to work or school.
An individual who is too anxious or insecure to speak up about their abilities and accomplishments may never receive a promotion, which in turn may facilitate further insecurity due to a perceived lack of ability. Insecurity about the economy or the stability of one’s job can also take a toll on mental health and is connected to negative mood, hypertension, and other somatic symptoms.
Those who have difficulty forming relationships or meeting others because of chronic insecurity may become too shy or anxious to face anyone at all, which can lead to a distancing from people in general. This distance can lead to isolation, which is associated with mental health issues such as depression, social anxiety, and dementia, as well as lower self-esteem.
One type of insecurity, known as social insecurity, can also cause people to feel insecure in their relationships with others. Social insecurity can be self-perpetuating, as individuals with this type of insecurity may act on their feelings of rejection, causing others to reject them in turn.
Insecurity and Mental Health
Insecurity can be seen with a wide variety of mental health conditions and personality disorders, including:
- Borderline personality
- Paranoid personality
- Dependent personality
- Eating disorders and body image issues
Deep-seated feelings of anxiety and insecurity characterize many of these conditions, although the individuals who have these conditions may not appear to be insecure. People with a narcissistic personality, for example, may boast about accomplishments and abilities, exhibit extreme arrogance, and clearly appear to believe in their own superiority. However, these traits often conceal deeply hidden feelings of insecurity and self-doubt.
People with borderline personality often experience insecurities, as well, especially insecurities pertaining to their own sense of identity. Individuals with this personality type may fear abandonment and doubt their own ability to form lasting relationships with other people and come to depend excessively on others as a result.
Eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia, as well as body image issues, are closely linked to insecurity. In the case of eating disorders, insecurity about one’s appearance or life circumstances may play a key role in the development of the condition.
Depression is often associated with feelings of low self-worth. Individuals with low self-worth are likely to more easily focus on and magnify their own flaws and shortcomings, behaviors that feed insecurity.
Dealing with Insecurity
People who experience significant insecurities in daily life may attempt to overcome them by identifying the causes. For example, a man who dreads going to work because he feels he does not perform his daily tasks adequately may ask himself what led to that belief and attempt to identify ways in which he might become more positive and realistic about his own abilities.
Therapy might also help those individuals who experience significant insecurities. A therapist can help people identify strengths and focus on those rather than on perceived failings. Therapy for insecurity might involve cognitive behavioral techniques, such as talking through one’s insecurities or journaling about them. Addressing insecurities in therapy may help people feel more confident in who they are and the choices they make. Whether you are struggling with feelings of insecurity related to a life circumstance or mental health condition, the right therapist can help you develop skills to deal with insecurity. Start your search for a therapist here.
- Abbate-Daga, G., Gramaglia, C., Federico, A., Marzola, E., & Secondo, F. (2010). Attachment insecurity, personality, and body dissatisfaction in eating disorders. The Journal of Nervous and Mental Disease, 198(7), 520-524. doi: 10.1097/NMD.0b013e3181e4c6f7
- Barling, J., & Kelloway, E. K. (1996). Job insecurity and health: The moderating role of workplace control. Stress and Health, 12(4), 253-259. Retrieved from https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/(SICI)1099-1700(199610)12:4%3C253::AID-SMI710%3E3.0.CO;2-2
- Buck, N. M., Leenaars, E. P., Emmelkamp P. M., & van Marle, H. J. (2012, April 30). Explaining the relationship between insecure attachment and partner abuse: The role of personality characteristics. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 27(16), 3149-3170. doi: 10.1177/0886260512441258
- Fowler, C. J., Allen, J. G., Oldham, J. M., & Frueh, B. C. (2013). Exposure to interpersonal trauma, attachment insecurity, and depression severity. Journal of Affective Disorders, 149(1-3), 313-318. Retrieved from https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0165032713001171
- Livesley, W. J., Schroeder, M. L., & Jackson, D. N. (1990). Dependent personality disorder and attachment problems. Journal of Personality Disorders, 4(2), 131-140. Retrieved from https://guilfordjournals.com/doi/abs/10.1521/pedi.1918.104.22.168
- Overall, N. C., Fletcher, G. J. O., Simpson, J. A., & Fillo, J. (2015). Attachment insecurity, biased perceptions of romantic partners’ negative emotions, and hostile relationship behavior. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 108(5), 730–749. Retrieved from https://doi.org/10.1037/a0038987
- Stinson, D. A. (2011, August 15). Psychologists interrupt the miserable cycle of social insecurity. Association for Psychological Science. Retrieved from https://www.psychologicalscience.org/news/releases/psychologists-interrupt-the-miserable-cycle-of-social-insecurity.html
- Villarreal, R. (2018, April 16). 5 tips for handling insecurity. Retrieved from http://www.livestrong.com/article/14655-handling-insecurity
Last Updated: 12-5-2019
MudassirJuly 30th, 2017 at 6:57 AM
Anna GJanuary 11th, 2018 at 4:27 AM
Hi, I have been taking classes in this field, and I would like to learn more about these subjects. Thank you for your assistance.
LeeDecember 28th, 2018 at 1:15 AM
For years I have struggled with image issues. I’ve been called fat despite working out constantly. I can’t maintain significant relationships with males. I can’t seem to keep anyone that cares. I attempt to use my sexuality as a means of acceptance but they all realize that I’m just easy and use me and move on.
AliciaSeptember 24th, 2019 at 12:14 AM
I know the feeling join the party!
JohnnyNovember 12th, 2019 at 7:18 AM
I just want to say that what I read today was something I needed to read. I believe I’m insecure with my relationships. I am in and out of one now And it’s not too good but it’s not bad I really enjoyed what I read about insecurity and I just want to thank you.
LwaziNovember 30th, 2019 at 12:00 PM
I lost love of my life because of insecinsecurities and it’s painfull need help
Joe mamaDecember 12th, 2019 at 1:03 PM
I have Schizophrenia and it sucks a lot :(
Joe mamaDecember 12th, 2019 at 1:04 PM
I have Schizophrenia and it sucks a lot :(
RiteshMay 13th, 2020 at 1:45 PM
I lost love of my life due to attachment insecurities, negative emotions, lack of trust and being in contant state of confusion and anxiety for a quite long time. I lost my sense of understanding. I felt guilty for my mistakes and yet I repeated the mistakes again and again.
JennHMay 21st, 2020 at 5:55 PM
I personally have witnessed three psychotically insecure people cause all kinds of mayhem and cost the courts time and money with their ridiculous behavior. Why aren’t these individuals referred into behavioral counseling by the courts?
EdwardOctober 26th, 2020 at 1:34 PM
I had pass relationship problems always was cheated on how to over come I have a good girl and I’m pushing her away do to my insecurity problem.
nanaNovember 16th, 2020 at 7:53 AM
For the past three years now I feel sooo bad to even sit in a class room with my mate because when ever the teacher walks in I feel uncomfortable because I know he will ask me a question . And also I feel scared to write exams to I doubt myself if I can make it to the high point .
TaylorJanuary 21st, 2021 at 10:54 PM
I feel like I can relate in almost all these areas. I suffered a tragic loss in high school I lost my father, I’ve also had poor relationships with significant others and they didn’t last long. I am very healthy, eat good workout take my vitamins, etc. I still can’t seem to get my insecurity to go away about my appearance and feeling good enough for myself. Is there medication to help through this process? This article really hit home.
Inner StrengthApril 4th, 2021 at 6:30 PM
Thank you for sharing your blog.
MakMay 31st, 2021 at 2:04 AM
This post is really helpful
MichaelJune 27th, 2021 at 9:37 AM
All my life I have had problems with being insecure since I was 12 I had a sister that was adopted 3 years prior get taken and put back into the system then at 14 I was molested by a school counselor at the age of 17 a best friend was shot and killed, at 19 I got stabbed in the kidney and went through the process of dying in the back seat of a car, j called and said goodbye to my family and called 911 and told them to bring o-pos or dont bother coming. They met us and I died in the ambulance…. obviously I did not I awoke and recovered from the wound leaving me with one and two thirds of a kidney… since then I have abused drugs.
I know what the causes are and I even know the triggers for my i security’s but they seem to overpower me and I cause a lot of problems for my loved ones. It really sucks to keep doing the same things that harm my relationships yet I do them any way. I dont think there’s anything to do and was hoping a medication would work but I cant seem to find anything. I wish I could turn back time and not hurt all the wonderful people whom loved me.
I need help I wish there was a way to stop embarrassing myself and hurting people.
StrangerJuly 11th, 2021 at 3:54 PM
I hope you are doing better, it pains me that you had to live through so many traumatic experiences. Please drop the drugs , try therapy and please don’t give up on a chance to have a better life. I know I’m nobody on the internet but I’m rooting for you because I know how pain can break someone and I don’t think you deserved any of it. I wish you luck and better days ahead.
LaureenAugust 15th, 2021 at 2:07 AM
Such a helpful article for someone that severely suffers from self confidence. It is the starting point to make me a better person.
GiaSeptember 12th, 2021 at 6:04 PM
This was very helpful. I am dealing with post traumatic stress and I am married. I feel sometimes like I am going to fail again and I hate feeling like this. I am aware of my feelings and my insecurities but it’s not easy to overcome them. I know I will but it is going to take time.
WilliamNovember 30th, 2021 at 1:28 AM
I hv a been insecure towards my partner and this is making our relationship very bad because of my actions,I need help serious help
SyedaJanuary 5th, 2022 at 8:04 AM
Can someone please help me out? I am doing some work on Insecurity and want some answers regarding my work.the basic problem people having insecurity face is saying NO to anyone. how should you all overcome it?
KeikoApril 25th, 2022 at 10:00 PM
I have struggled with this, and still; currently am. I have been told I need to lose weight, I only eat vegetables, and fruits. But I tend to force myself to throw it up after. Sometimes I just throw up randomly because i am so used to it. This did help. But I still throw up, any tips on how to stop it?
Sara GTApril 26th, 2022 at 4:11 PM
Dear Keiko, thank you for commenting on our blog. Sometimes it helps to talk to someone regarding issues such as these. If you would like to consult with a mental health professional, you can start finding therapists in your area by entering your city or ZIP code into the search field on this page: https://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html. Once you enter your information, you’ll be directed to a list of therapists and counselors who meet your criteria. You may click to view our members’ full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information. You are welcome to call us for personal assistance in finding a therapist. We are in the office Monday through Friday from 8:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. Mountain Time, and our phone number is 888-563-2112 ext 3. Kind regards, The GoodTherapy Team
HabibaJune 11th, 2022 at 7:49 PM
AmberFebruary 25th, 2023 at 7:51 AM
My husband wants a baby with me but I’m scared to get pregnant again cause cys took my first 3. I’m scared out of my mind. I want another baby but scared that cys will take the baby and become involved with me again. What should I do.
LibbyApril 11th, 2023 at 1:01 PM
Thanks for sharing this blog, I’m pretty sure that it will help me. Thank you for for your kindness words and messages!
JJune 7th, 2023 at 3:58 AM
I have insecurities since I was a little girl. I was compared to others, told that I was stupid, not enough, slow, incapable from parent and I believed it. I grew up with this mindset barely passing school I had anxiety in high school . Even though teachers would tell me I was capable I would give up. Now I’m married caused so much hurt on my husband and my kids stay away from me, even though my husband tells me he truly loves me I don’t believe him. I also don’t trust him because of my insecurities this is a serious issue it can truly cause harm to you and others. I wish one day to be free from this suffering and be happy with my family.
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