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What to Do If Your Partner Doesn’t Want to Get Married

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The pages of women’s magazines are filled with articles offering methods for encouraging men to propose marriage, and entire websites are dedicated to increasing a person’s marry-ability. Both men and women can be hesitant about marriage, and when romantic partners have different opinions of marriage, the conflict can be challenging to resolve.

It is possible, however, to have a committed and loving relationship without marriage, and some people who are uncomfortable with marriage ultimately change their minds. A disagreement about marriage doesn’t have to end your relationship, particularly if you both are committed to the relationship.

Avoiding Marriage

If you’re itching to get married and your partner resists, it’s easy to assume there’s a problem with the relationship or that your partner isn’t fully committed to you. These issues could indicate that it’s time to consider moving on. But there are myriad other reasons people are uncomfortable with marriage that have nothing to do with the relationship. Cohabitation is an increasingly popular option; one 2013 study found that 32% of couples chose long-term cohabitation over marriage. Some reasons your partner might be uninterested in marriage include:

  • Discomfort with the events that surround a wedding, the costs associated with getting married, or family conflicts that can arise when a couple exchanges vows.
  • Fear of divorce.
  • Fear of losing one’s individual identity.
  • Wanting to “test” the relationship a little longer before taking the plunge.
  • Disliking the historical implications of marriage, which include viewing women as property and men as little more than providers.
  • A desire to avoid an institution in which some same-sex couples can’t participate.

The Role of Communication

As with so many other relationship issues, open and honest communication is the key to resolving disputes about marriage. You might assume you know your partner’s reason for avoiding marriage, but you don’t really know until you ask. Hearing that your partner is concerned that marriage might change the relationship will likely feel a lot better than simply assuming your partner doesn’t want to get married because he or she doesn’t love you.

And for partners who want to get married, explaining clearly and logically why you want to get married can make a big difference. The benefits of marriage include automatic paternal legitimation for children, significant tax benefits, and shared insurance. Pointing these out to your partner could help, but addressing his or her concerns is equally important. You might be able to come to an agreement about when you’ll reevaluate the marriage question and how you’ll address insecurities and relationship logistics in the meantime.

While you might feel hurt if your partner doesn’t want to marry you, it’s important to consider that marriage might mean something completely different to your partner. Consequently, it’s wise to focus on other ways to get your needs met rather than making marriage a deal-breaker. If, however, you can’t stay in a relationship that doesn’t end in marriage, trying to push the relationship toward marriage can cause it to fall apart. It might be better to end things now.

Addressing Potential Concerns

If you and your partner agree to live together without getting married, you’ll have the freedom to pick and choose which marriage benefits you want to take advantage of and which you want to avoid altogether. A simple contract, for example, can outline who owns what property and how it will be divided if you split up. And if you have a child together, you’ll need to ensure that both parents are listed on the birth certificate or that the nonbiological parent adopts the child. You won’t be able to get tax benefits, but you can still combine your lives in a way that works for both of you.

References:

  1. Aleccia, J. (2013, April 4). “The new normal”: Cohabitation on the rise, study finds. NBC News. Retrieved from http://www.nbcnews.com/health/new-normal-cohabitation-rise-study-finds-1C9208429?franchiseSlug=healthmain
  2. Roberts, S. (2013, April 9). Against marriage: A ring does not define a relationship. The XX Factor. Retrieved from http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2013/04/09/the_case_against_marriage_a_ring_doesn_t_define_a_relationship.html
  3. Schwyzer, H. (2011, February 16). Why some men don’t want to get married. Alternet. Retrieved from http://www.alternet.org/story/149941/why_some_men_don’t_want_to_get_married

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Comments
  • W.Grace June 29th, 2013 at 12:17 AM #1

    This may be a sticky subject to some people but for others cohabitation is perfectly fine.it doesn’t mean there is no love or the relationship has lost it’s fizz.problem begins if one partner wants to be married and the other doesn’t.so it’s essential to discuss this at an early stage of the relationship.

  • laura July 1st, 2013 at 4:35 AM #2

    If I have been with someone for a long time and I feel like marriage is the next logical step for us but I feel like he is holding back then I think that I would have to reconsider if the two of us are going to be a good match for one another. It’s one thing to want to hold off for a while if financially you are still getting things together or there are some relationship issues that the two of you are working through. But why not get married if you have done it all and the relationship is healthy and strong? getting married will only make it that much stronger so when there is that hesitation on the part of one of the people, then that to me sends up big warning signals. This might not be the right person to be with after all if you are convinced that marriage is the way to go and he istrying to avoid that commitment like the plague.

  • patti July 7th, 2013 at 3:58 AM #3

    I am a woman,and have known women, who’ve strung along for years,(although a man might find himself in the same situation,) Chicks grow a backbone. Do not spread your knees to a man you don’t love.And he should also be in love with you.Once this is a mutually established fact,you need,for your own protection, to give your love object, a goal, if not ultimatum, time-wise,’til you are engaged,with a date,and arrangements should start being made within a couple of weeks of that date for your wedding day. You don’t need some wedding marketer to sell you a $20,000 package, to live in future contented bliss either. DO NOT MOVE IN WITH THIS PERSON,if it can be at all avoided.One person’s trial marriage is, for another, a reason not to buy the cow, cause the cream is free. free,Thus inviting string-along.A lot of happy marriages srarted at the Courthouse or a minister’s office ceremony. Agood rule of thumb time wise for women is,if you are under 21,wait.After 22-25,18 mos-2yr.s,25-28,1yr,-18mos., over 28, 1yr, After 30,1yr. Men often consider women to have a youth,”shelf life,”(even though we might out live them by many years).Men don’t usaully have to worry about this,even though a man’s age may be important to a women).Keep that backbone,here’s the hard part,you must be prepared to tell your sweetie,that your dating is over,if the time is up.the relationship is over if they don’t commit by the appointed time. This will keep you,(and maybe the other person), from wasting years of your life. This seems old fashioned but it works, I told my boyfriend, once he let me know he was in love with me,and I with him,he had 18 mos. to marry me, or that’s it, bye-bye,and he proposed in 6 mos.! We married 1 yr.later,May 27, 2000.We’re still contently married,in love, and have 2 beautiful daughters.

  • Stephanie February 14th, 2014 at 1:35 PM #4

    It comes down to people not being compatible. I fail to see the logic behind staying with someone who doesn’t want to marry you if you want to marry. Some people can just settle for living together without marriage and children because they are not traditional. Perhaps some men want to wait for the right person.

    Everybody seems to need a point or an outcome to a relationship. Relations do not have to lead to marriage or children to be relationships. They can pass like chapters in a book, and onto the next in the story of life.

    I myself never wanted children, and do not appreciate the manipulative, self-serving, and controlling aspects of men who convince themselves, independent of me, that I must want to be a housewife with five kids bound and chained to the home. I didn’t want to marry someone who asked me one or two months after meeting out of the blue. I like to participate in the plans of my own life, not have someone else decide for me. There is a reason why I walked out of those relationships, and those men have only themselves to blame.

    It is not that I would not marry, but a relationship with someone is not the same as marriage, and these men are perfectly justified in refusing women who are wrong for them. The timing may not be right, the person, the demands, etc. Pushiness and calculations have ways of coming back to haunt people. I am not surprised that female manipulators are not taken down the altar. If the relationship has problems, the act of signing and sealing the deal is counterproductive and the death knell for a lot of relationships.

  • Brandy L September 1st, 2014 at 10:34 PM #5

    I am 20 years old and have been with this guy for three Yeats and we have to kids. Well I’m ready to be married. He asked me to marry him before we had our first child and now he don’t wanna get married. When I try to talk about it he laughs at me and said we are to young?? Three years and two kids come on… I don’t know what to do!!!!Advice please…

  • Ambra September 23rd, 2014 at 3:36 AM #6

    Same situation Brandy.
    I have two kids with my 5 years boyfriend. He proposed two years ago but I think I pushed him into it. I’m not wearing anymore his engagement ring ’cause, as I told him, I feel he has been joking me. Anytime, ANYTIME I ask him to set a date or tell him I can’t wait for it he makes out new excuses: It’s because he doesn’t have enough money, it’s because the kids are small, it’s because he’s afraid he’ll upset the people he won’t invite, it’s because he doesn’t have time to make a guest list..and so on.
    Last night I could see him writhing when I suggested him to get married in three months,me organizing everything, very small ceremony, a handful of guests,500 bucks worthy. He was as scared as shit. I think he has no balls to tell me he doesn’t want to.
    I told him he’s encouraging me to start looking around me.
    He’s so hopeless when it comes to this. Maybe we’re bound to split up soon. Maybe it’s not happening ’cause it would be a mistake. A Tibetan proverb says : “Sometimes your biggest fortune is not to get what you want”.

  • charlene September 28th, 2014 at 10:10 PM #7

    I don’t know what to do if my boyfriend don’t want to get married. I love him so much. We been living together for two years and 2 months. I want to leave but I can’t I love him.It’s driving me crazy

  • kerri October 1st, 2014 at 2:40 PM #8

    I have been with my partner for nearly 6 yrs and we have two boys and my daughter from a previous relationship who has now got his last name before we even got together i told him i wanted marriage and more kids he said he wanted the same after we had our first son he then told me he dont want marrige i thought it would change but now all our kids have his name i brought it up saying i want to have the same name as my kids he then tells me hes not in love with me anymore and now he wants to try work on our relationship even if he would fall back in love with me i dont think he will ever marry me what should i do

  • yolanda October 17th, 2014 at 12:27 AM #9

    Charlene, hi I had to let my boyfriend go after 2 years. We agreed to marriage after 2 years of dating. Things were good then we went through a rocky time in our relationship. This is when he went from I want to marry to I not ready to I will be like my dad and never get married again. It was hard for me because I love him I let him go because I love myself and i deserve to be loved and respected I’am a virtuous woman.

  • Trisha November 3rd, 2014 at 2:41 AM #10

    I brought up the fact that I wanted to get married, and my boyfriend’s response? “I’m not in a hurry.” HOWEVER, there have been times, like our vacation to Vegas a few years ago, that he suggested getting married while we were there. He’s sending me mixed messages about whether he wants to get married or not, but he won’t give me a straight answer no matter how many times I try to talk to him. I’d hate to think I’ve wasted 8 years on someone who doesn’t want the same things I want.

  • liz November 8th, 2014 at 12:36 PM #11

    5yrs together going on 6. A 4yr old. We share finances, we have insurance together, our whole life we have everything together, but we aren’t married. We are even looking for a house! We have talked about marriage but the answer I get is “soon”. It’s been 5yrs! Apparently he wants our life to be ready financially and have the security of a house before we get married and have another child (which I respect apparently). But what if we never get the house? Will we never get married? Our whole relationship has always been backwards since we started living together almost immediately. But most couples live together, get married, get the house then have a child. I love my family and I would never leave because of this but how long do I need to wait for?

  • Athena November 11th, 2014 at 2:01 PM #12

    Why do you need to get married? Be your own person and live your own life. What do you think will be added to your life or the lives of your children by getting married? Do you think he’ll love you more? Do you think he’ll behave more responsibly towards you financially or otherwise? No. Being married adds nothing to your relationship and only means that he will now have a legal right to take your children away from you if he wins custody. And if you don’t have children and are more finacially successful than him he will have the right to sue you for support if he doesn’t feel like working. Marriage isn’t what it used to be. When I got married I thought it would protect my self and my children. Wrongo. He will have even more control over you if you marry him and trust me, that doesn’t add anything to your life. In the words of Billy Holiday: God bless the child that has her own; she don’t worry about nothing.

  • Jules j. November 18th, 2014 at 3:12 PM #13

    I’ve been with my partner nearly 2 years he proposed to me not long after we met planned our wedding but he called it off cuz of my insecurities he told me tonight that he will never marry me so don’t ask me. how do I deal with that?

  • Jade C. November 19th, 2014 at 3:39 AM #14

    My fiancé won’t marry me until I become tidy. I’m a bit messy. He blames me for his illness. Been together I’ve 12 years.

  • Jules j. November 24th, 2014 at 12:03 PM #15

    I’m going thru a similar experience my partner dosent want to marry me broke my heart when he told me I’m still hurting now :(

  • N Grace November 25th, 2014 at 5:58 AM #16

    I asked my boyfriend about marriage last night and he said he’s never getting married and if that’s what I want then I should find someone else. I had to lie to him and tell him its not what I want. I love this guy but when we first got together he wanted marriage. He’s changed completely in that length of time, he never even says I love you anymore. What should I do? I’m hurting but I have to lie to him and say I’m not, only because he said he doesn’t care anymore.

  • Cassie B November 27th, 2014 at 4:55 AM #17

    Hi everyone, its overwhelming to see all your comments, and im happy that im not alone. I have been with this guy for 7 years and we have 2 kids, he was so eager to marry me when we are in our early stages of the relationship, and now he just doesnt want to anymore, he keeps telling me its only a paper blah blah. change is constant and he’s probably not the same person ive loved and met 7 years ago, maybe we werent right for each other anymore? Honestly im starting to lose interest, i dont know,

  • neovalys g. December 16th, 2014 at 5:10 PM #18

    Iv been with My boyfriend forma almost a year i know its linda early to be asking him about marrage but next month Will be oír annaversary and i asked him if he want to get married when HeS older and he said no he dont he said that its stupid …. But i want to get married cause i really love him and im trying to talk him into it but i dont want to pressure himi want him to want to get married what should i do plz someone tell me why he dont really want to get married …..? HELP

  • WifeWithout'aHusband January 2nd, 2015 at 3:48 PM #19

    I have been in a relationship for nearly 2 decades with my first love, my only boyfriend and the father of our two children. Granted when we began this journey we were much too young, we had a lot of growing up and living to do, but after all this time he refuses to marry me, saying that he just doesn’t see the point. While I never really needed in the past, I can’t imagine not getting married. I can’t imagine why he wouldn’t want to call me his wife. I’m hurt and confused and I don’t know if I need help to learn to accept this or to move on. I’m lost.

  • Veronica January 5th, 2015 at 2:20 AM #20

    Hey I’m in the same situation my boyfriend doesn’t want to marry me or get married he doesn’t we have been together for 5 years i have a child from my previous marriage who is twelve and he wants to be stepdad to her I’m
    Not happy he had to been working for 3 years and hasn’t looked for a job due to mental health issues we have been staying with his patents I can’t stand his mum the old witch does not like me and made my life he’ll. I don’t know what to do my priority is to bring up my daughter as her dad us incapable of doing so what should I do about my partner

  • Veronica January 5th, 2015 at 2:23 AM #21

    Hey grace my best answer ditch this guy he is a player and he wants to sleep around he is a conquest man he has taken you and he wants to dump basically dump him and throw him out with the rubbish where he belongs

  • Tori January 17th, 2015 at 11:26 AM #22

    Wifewithoutahusband:
    If you ever need someone to talk to or process feelings with, feel free to contact me. I am in a similar situation, and I am anxious to put this issue to rest for myself, hurt creeps in on a regular basis now. I am trying to do the right thing for myself and I’m not sure that being with someone who wouldn’t be honored to call me their wife, is the right thing for me. It’s really hard because the relationship (was) really special and this issue has tainted it. Perhaps we can be of support to one another.

  • Tori January 17th, 2015 at 11:39 AM #23

    Marriage is so much more then a piece of paper. I really believe that when people claim that’s all it is, they are either misinformed of the seriousness of building a life with someone without the relationship being legally recognized in the eyes of the law, OR, they do know the significance and they are minimizing marriage for other reasons.
    I would have preferred to never marry again, but the person I’m seeing wanted a serious relationship with me. Now that I know that never included marriage, I believe what they wanted was for me to move in, have me be tied down, full commitment from me, have all of me, all without the legal protections that those who truly love their significant other would INSIST being in place. The exception of course, is that some people really do not give much thought to what happens in an emergency, or if one gets sick, or wanting to protect their supposed loved one. Marriage is so much more then a piece of paper and I believe that even if two people think the relationship may not work out, get a prenup, (get one no matter what actually) prepare for the worst, but make sure that if building a life together, that protections are in place.

  • jlynn January 26th, 2015 at 8:48 AM #24

    I am 38 and my boyfriend is 52 and we have been together for 7 years..I want to get married and have told him that..he says he will never get married again and when I ask him why he says he doesn’t know .. I love him and I don’t want to leave him but marriage is important to me.. the problem is if I leave him I don’t know if I will ever love someone like that again to make me ever want to marry them ..I bring up marriage to him almost everyday because that’s all I want to do is marry him..I’m not obsessed with marriage but I do want to know that the man I’m with loves me the same way I love him and if he does you would think he would want to marry me ..I’m have told him that I will leave in 2 years if we are not married and he said if I do he would understand..how can someone that loves someone let someone leave instead of marrying them?

  • jlynn January 26th, 2015 at 8:57 AM #25

    I’m in the same boat..I don’t want to be with someone for the next 20 years and find out he didn’t really love me

  • upstate mom February 2nd, 2015 at 10:23 AM #26

    Same boat. I have two children from my previous marriage that my SO is raising. Im currently expecting our 2nd child together, 4 kids total. We have a house together, a life together, a family together. Seems logical to get married. He even proposed 6 months ago. Now he refuses to tie the knot. Says asking me was a huge mistake. We’ve both been divorced once, so I think he’s scared of it happening again.I feel like he’s telling me I’m not good enough to make a lifelong commitment to. Or protect our investments for me and the kids if he were to meet an early demise or vise versa.

  • Whispers February 6th, 2015 at 12:53 PM #27

    Starting to see I’m not the only one in this situation… don’t really know what to do, I can’t seem to just ‘get over it’ I feel resentful and hurt comes out in other ways… lost

  • Whispers February 6th, 2015 at 1:00 PM #28

    Valentines is hard, if any of you are like me your wonder if boyfriends have a secret plan to propose then get completely heart broken and empty when they don’t then feel stupid… do it every year now! Try to convince myself he’s just ‘throwing me of the scent’ Then end up feeling absolutely stupid and disappointed. )': could use a friend or just someone who understands.

  • jlynn February 6th, 2015 at 7:36 PM #29

    I know what you mean.. I keep wondering if he will ever care how much being married means to mean and surprise me on Valentine’s day.. I’m even like that when we go on vacation like Vegas or a cruise.. I’m always disappointed after that he doesn’t and he thinks I’m depressed because vacation is ending .. yes Valentine’s Day is really depressing for me as well

  • jlynn February 6th, 2015 at 7:37 PM #30

    *means to me…(sorry typo)

  • desi February 13th, 2015 at 4:06 AM #31

    I am in the exact same boat! We should be each others support system. I’m with a man who’s 20 yrs older than me with 3 kids and divorced 5 years ago…I’m a better mom to his kids than his ex because she’s crazy.
    We’ve been dating and living together for 3 years now and since 2 years ago he’s been talking about marriage, said where we’d have our wedding, bought a loose diamond for my ring but won’t ever put it in a setting. It’s just collecting dust. He will say small things like “I’m dreaming of you in a white wedding dress” and completely lead me onto thinking it’s happening but he always says “SOON.” Well how long is soon? We just had a fight 2 nights ago because he told me he’s in no rush and gas no need to get married. He doesn’t want me to have any “power” Long story short, our relationship the last few months has just been tense ever since he bought the loose diamond. Marriage is so important to me, my entire life. I’ve never been married and he told me he would never marry again until he met me…Now he’s just harsh and cold about it whereas he used to be sweet and excited. I can’t leave him I love him too much but I don’t know what to do. He should have never married his ex, she’s mean and disgusting and gave him red flags but he did! Now he won’t marry me when he tells me I’m the best he’s had in his entire life? We have intimacy every single day. What man wouldn’t marry along with how much I do for him and his kids? :'(

  • WifeWithour'aHusband February 14th, 2015 at 6:00 PM #32

    Hi Tori,

    I had never published anything on such a blog. I didn’t know what to expect. I almost forgot about it, but of course on a day like today I can’t help but feel sad. Even though I’m not alone I feel incomplete. Thanks for reading, listening and taking the time to respond.

  • jlynn February 15th, 2015 at 4:31 AM #33

    Well at least we made it through another depressing Valentine’s Day

  • Frustrated February 18th, 2015 at 3:43 PM #34

    Wow, in a way its helpful to see I’m not the only one struggling with this. My partner (beginning to despise that eorf as husband would be nicer) and I have both been married before. We are very much in love and have been living together now for over a year. We almost never argue and have a fantastic relationship except for the fact he doesn’t want to get married. He admits its because his last one failed and he doesn’t see the point. I on the other hand am old fashioned and believe if you really love someone and want to be together forever you make the commitment and leap of faith and marry. I feel like if it was good enough for him to marry before maybe I’m not worthy enough. It is making me sad and its becoming a problem. We have discussed it rationally but we can’t agree on this one. He said if it means so much to me he guesses he will have to, to make me happy. What he doesn’t understand is I DONT want him to “have to”, if he doesn’t “Want” too then its tainted. I love him so much and want to proudly call him my husband. I’m worried this may become a bigger issue the longer it continues. Funny thing is my last two long term relationships were the opposite. They wanted marriage but I didn’t. I knew it wasn’t “the right one”. I know my partner is ” the one” I just would love to seal the deal. I’ve offered eloping and a prenup but its still a no. 😢

  • jlynn February 20th, 2015 at 4:10 PM #35

    I offered the prenup too and he still said no..we have a great relationship as well but he says he just don’t want to and don’t know why..we have both been married before as well and I struggle with the same thing: what made her good enough to marry and not me” I was raised by a grandfather that always told me if a man don’t want to marry you than he don’t love you..I hope I don’t waste a lifetime with someone and find out he doesn’t love me..he honestly acts like he does but I just don’t get why he doesn’t want to get married.. I can’t imagine being in love this much with someone else but I can’t just can’t stop feeling pain everytime I hear about someone I know getting married..

  • not to old February 26th, 2015 at 3:12 PM #36

    Hi everyone..how are you! My heart goes out to all of you!If only you could determine..if you both want marriage…and its a goal for the relationship..from the very beginning.
    I have been in a relationship 6 years 5 months with my boyfriend…we have grown together..loved and helped each other..I have given him my heart..in a way I have never given it to anyone.I want marriage..now he doesn’t.He has been married before..and has a daughter..who I just adore too!My heart has been heavy over this…yet if I look deeper at our relationship…maybe I’d find..its run its course..it was for a time..a reason..a season…No matter what..if a man really loves you..he will want to please you in this way…he won’t want to lose you..or see you in the arms of another.Yes..some men have been hurt in divorce before..and are scared..then some want all the benefits of a loving..good relationship without the commitments..and yet again..everyone has to decide what they think on getting married or not!..in reality..we the ones who would lime marriage end up sacrificing what we want(marriage) for what the ones who don’t believw in marriage want!…yet I have loved my man very much..he is the best of men..a great man with a huge heart!….still..can you stay..feeling he won’t commit to you..the way you would commit to him…only time will tell..pray to God for strength and answers..Jesus says..Come to me all who labor and are heavy burdened..and I will give you rest.One day ..there will be a “marriage”.. known as ” the bridegroom and the bride”..that takes place when Christ returns to this earth..and through believing in him…and receiving salvation and forgiveness through his name…we are invited to the marriage supper if the lamb if God..who takes away..the sins of the world…that’s one day..I want to get ready for and not miss

  • jlynn February 27th, 2015 at 7:45 PM #37

    It’s really hard to accept that the man you love with all your heart acts like he loves you and would do anything for you except marry you…I’m so heartbroken but I don’t know if I can walk away and not have him in my life..even though I am heartbroken walking away would rip it to shreds… unfortunately I just found out a couple days ago my brother is getting married and I have been majorly depressed and even bitter(not toward him or my boyfriend) and it’s causing tension with our relationship..I honestly am afraid he’s going to get tired of my depression and my want for marriage that he is going to be the one that ends our relationship… I’m so lost..

  • Marie F. March 2nd, 2015 at 8:22 PM #38

    I’m 47 and partner is 57, been together for 2+ years and living together for more than a year. He has called me his wife for over a year and intermittently says things like we should be married by now and he wishes I was his wife. Expected proposal at Christmas and Valentine’s Day-got nothing. Says now we need to wait until he can afford the ring he wants to buy me. I said it’s not about a ring, it’s the relationship. Income over 180000 so it’s not that we can’t afford it. Feel like I’m being strung along. So glad to see I’m not the only one! Love him so much but starting to feel resentful and afraid this one issue is the beginning of the end

  • wifewithoutthering March 10th, 2015 at 12:56 AM #39

    My guy is my best friend, we’ve been together for almost 6 years, we’re 25 and 26. We have 2 beautiful children, I love his family, we love each other dearly, he calls me his wife. We got a ring a few months ago, but I have yet to see it, or a proposal. I don’t ever want to leave, but I’m wondering what the hold up is. He’s always said he was against marriage, but I figured he would change his views for me. I swear he’s just trying to throw me off or something. He’s talked about how much he loves weddings, and when I talk about our wedding, he doesn’t stop me. I have no doubt he’s the love of my life, but its almost insulting, and very confusing.

  • wifewithoutthering March 10th, 2015 at 1:04 AM #40

    I want to add, that my father in law passed away suddenly 6 months ago. Him and my mil had never married and it left her in a tight situation legally. She had to get a lawyer to keep her house. We’ve talked about the importance have having the medical advocacy. I don’t speak to my family, so I wouldn’t want them to get any legal advantage over the person who really should be making the choices for me and our children should the need come.
    Its so enlightening to see other women going through similar situations!

  • Eren March 11th, 2015 at 4:49 PM #41

    I’m so heartbroken because in 2013 we where supposed to get married he bought me my dress my shoes well everything, we had to postpone to dec 2013 the wedding because my 5 m bb got very sick of Bronchitis so I couldn’t dis attend her. So dec came and no more planning the wedding conversation until 2014 and finally we talked about dec of last yr that he would like get marryed in May 15 2015. Yesterday I mention the wedding and said that was “a stage that we’ve already pass by to” mmm that why can’t I be independent that he doesn’t believe in Marrige “” I’m like wtf?? Need help here

  • sad March 11th, 2015 at 5:58 PM #42

    Dont even know what to think anymore. I am a 51 year old widow, bf is 53, divorced, and went through a horrible and expensive split with first wife. We have been living together for over 2 years. He says I am the love of his life. Says he dont want to marry ever again. (Though I am “the love of his life”) says he couldn’t love me more if i had a ring. Supposedly wants to grow old with me.I love him dearly. I Cook, clean, laundry, etc..but…I am old fashioned. I feel he gets all the husband benefits without the title. He says I made his house a home. It had been made clear, what was his before we got together remains his, and his adult sons will inherit all. I have no problem with that. But I feel i am living in limbo. I know he does love me, but cant help feeling like a convienient housekeeper and built in piece of a@$, so we will never marry, but could a ring, showing commitment, and Mother Men that I am “suponen for”

  • L. C. P March 16th, 2015 at 10:32 PM #43

    Hello everyone,
    So I’ve been dating for 3+yrs now and we are surely in love and our relationship couldn’t be better. He’s the best boyfriend in the world.
    The MAJOR problem is that even so we are happy and he would certainly be a very good father he says he never ever wants to get married or have kids.
    I’m sure I found a wonderful man but what can I do?

  • L. C. P March 16th, 2015 at 10:33 PM #44

    You should talk to him. Your situation is very clear and if that’s what you think you deserve you should say what you feel.

  • L. C. P March 16th, 2015 at 10:36 PM #45

    You absolutely shouldn’t be scared of him leaving you bc your depressed!! If he really loves you he should stand by you and absolutely wouldn’t do such a thing! Did you talk to him? Ask him how he feels towards your “wanting a marriage” talks

  • Alicia March 17th, 2015 at 5:55 AM #46

    Wow, I have read all of the comments.This made me realize that I’m not the only one struggling with the thought of marriage. My fiance and I are at a road block with this. He purposed to me almost 2 years ago next month and we have been together now for several years. We have a 1 year old daughter together. Marriage and commitment is important to me, but something has changed since his divorce and gaining custody of his two children from his previous marriage. I have been married before myself and I was heartbroken when it came to an end, but my ex and I have a civil relationship where his is a constant battle and they can’t get along. We are good together and our family has blended together nicely. Everyone loves each other and it’s like we are meant to be united. What I cant handle is the thought he asked me to marry him two years ago before having out daughter and his two children started living with us full-time. We have everything pretty much joint now, so the only thing left to complete us is marriage. When it comes up it turns into a huge fight. He can’t even talk about it with me. I just don’t understand what changed and every time I try to walk away he tells me he is sorry and what’s the hurry. This makes me sad and angry! I feel as though my only role will ever be is a girlfriend and a mother because he isn’t ready.

  • alicia March 17th, 2015 at 1:53 PM #47

    I get the same reply! What’s the hurry or I’m just not ready. SIGH

  • jlynn March 17th, 2015 at 8:15 PM #48

    Yea I have talked to him and told him I’m sick and depressed over this but he says there is nothing he can do because he doesn’t want to ever get married and it’s not because he doesn’t love me.. my problem still remains if I leave him I’m hurt and if he never marries me I will be left wondering why and if he really ever loved me at all..he sure acts like he does but one thing is if he let’s me walk out on him knowing that the reason I am is because he won’t committ did he really ever love me?

  • Paul March 18th, 2015 at 9:50 PM #49

    Hi,

    I proposed to my former girlfriend last night and she said to that she cant give me an answer, she told me that she was surprised and she didn’t think that i’m gonna do the proposal thing. we have an incoming 2 year old son this coming april, and there were both living together. any advise please, coz im totally wondering why she did not give me an answer. Thak You

  • jlynn March 20th, 2015 at 8:16 AM #50

    How old are you? Have you or her been married before? Do you argue or break up alot? These all can be factors in not wanting to get married…in my situation we have both been married and divorced to other people but we get along great but he said he will never marry me but don’t know why..have you asked her why?

  • meghan March 22nd, 2015 at 10:56 AM #51

    I have been date this guy for 3 years he ask me to marry him I say yes then I book the venue bought my wedding dress and had the date pick out then he got cold feet and cancel everything we still live together I give up my whole life and move to a new place for him. I left my family and friends behind to be with him he won’t commit to me and I feel stuck.

  • Paul March 23rd, 2015 at 8:35 AM #52

    Hi jlynn,

    I am 30 years old, we both havent been married before. we just take a break once, upto now. Yes i asked her why, and still i didnt recieve any answer. The exact answer statement that she told me was “I dont have any answer, It’s not a yes and It’s not a no”

  • jlynn March 23rd, 2015 at 9:27 AM #53

    I don’t think going backwards in a relationship ever works out for the couple..if he asked you to marry him and now he wants to drop the relationship status I wouldn’t let him..I would tell him you expect to have a date set soon..unfortunately for me I can’t even get mine to ask me..

  • jlynn March 23rd, 2015 at 9:33 AM #54

    If you want kids get out now..I think your want for marriage and kids will never go away..I’ve seen situations where the woman became to old to have kids and than her boyfriend ended up leaving her and had kids and married someone else.

  • jlynn March 24th, 2015 at 7:51 PM #55

    I know how you feel.. I am 38 and my boyfriend is 52 ..we have both been married before though..when I ask him why he don’t want to get married again he says “I don’t know why” he has told me it’s not me he just never wants to do it again..it makes me upset to know that he would let me walk away than marry me..

  • jlynn March 24th, 2015 at 10:20 PM #56

    *we were both married before to different people not to each other

  • Reddaisy March 28th, 2015 at 10:50 PM #57

    EXactly….how i feel :-( i dont understand him(boyfriend of 6 yrs!)…hes been in two bad marriages…his ex’s were psycho’s and were abusive. Im very big hearted…i blew it up today( i btl my stuff in) i thought for sure he’d b comingover tonite mad. He wasnt. Very sad. I know he loves me, right?why am i not good enough for him to marry?? He has 3 older kids…his youngest is a sr.—ive got 4 ranging frm 6,13,14,15 and hes truely happy when hes w/us! Hes not like that at his home and w/his kids…his mom also lives w/him too. Idk i put myself down, obviously! I am pretty andnice to pp and genuine.

  • An Orange March 29th, 2015 at 7:31 PM #58

    I have a similar situation, my partner and I living together for 6 years and 7 years in relationship.
    Every time I asked him about commitment he always walk away and laughed at me.
    Last time we had big argument because if his 20 years old daughter from private married who act like a 2 year girl as always, clearly his daughter comes first. I wanted to move on but I love him, I don’t know how can I going with this.
    I’m 29 this year and he’s 54. I never married but he has twice with same lady which is his EX that there devised 19-20 years ago.

  • sarah March 30th, 2015 at 7:20 AM #59

    I’ve been with this guy for seven years, he asked me to marry him almost 5 years ago and still no date set. It feels like he will never set a date. We have 2 children and I’m to the point of leaving. Marry me or let me go!

  • laeive March 30th, 2015 at 5:49 PM #60

    Hello. So me and my boy friend have been dating 3.5 years now. We have 2 kids a 1 year old and 2 year old.I’m American and he is african my mom is a respectful Christian and bugs us always about being married and living under the same roof with the kids. I don’t won’t to be a bad example for my kids on the Godly way… he never wants to talk about commitment he just says over and over that he loves me and would nt be here of he didnt. He so disconnected from me an the kids and only wants to do things with us when it’s convenient for him. I am at the point of no return because I feel like I’m wasting my time.. I have prayed but no change so is it really time for me to change? And if so how?

  • jlynn March 30th, 2015 at 7:54 PM #61

    I don’t know what to do either..if I leave I’m going to be hurt and if I stay I’m going to be hurt knowing that he don’t want to marry me and won’t even tell me why..I would leave if I thought it would make him change his mind and see that he’s going to lose me for good if he doesn’t committ.. but what if he doesn’t come after me? Could I live with the decision I made to walk away?

  • Marte April 2nd, 2015 at 7:13 AM #62

    Me and my bf have been together for 9 years. Both of us didn’t want to rush into anything as we were both young so marriage and kids were never an option. However now we are getting to a point in our lives were I’m 26 and he is 29, near graduation and about to start our life’s together. We have conversations,, about our future a lot even marriage, but the way he talks about its years away.

    For April fools he thought it would be funny to announce our engagement on Facebook and it hit a nerve. I brought it up suggesting perhaps we should get engaged. He said it wasn’t the right time to talk about it and that he made a mistake and shut the conversation down.

    I just feel lost and that for him it will never be the right time.

  • TrakeM April 2nd, 2015 at 12:55 PM #63

    The numbers just don’t add up.

    Generally when a woman is just out looking for love and not a long term investment, she’ll pick a cocky jerk and sleep with him within a few dates if not sooner. If a woman is looking for a long term investment she will pick a gentleman with a nice career and not sleep with him for some time. The statistics on love back this up. Women sleep with a man they are cohabiting with the most, followed by boyfriends with husbands being loved the least. 75% of divorces are initiated by the wife. Men are generally taken to the cleaners in divorce courts in a way that cannot be done by anyone who cares. All of these observations/facts agree with each other and show that as a general rule women don’t love their husbands.

    Some of you take a very my way or the highway kind of mercenary approach consistent with the data. Those here with this approach say it works. I wouldn’t be surprised. Many men are too stupid to realize that if women aren’t sleeping with him it’s because they don’t love him. Many men are too stupid to realize that if a woman wants to marry, she probably doesn’t love him.

    Many here are saying that you love your man and want to marry him. I’m sure there are cases like this but the data suggest it’s the exception to the rule not the rule. Something doesn’t add up, and I’m not sure what. I will rack my brains on this for a while and see what I can come up with.

  • WifeWithOut'aHusband April 3rd, 2015 at 12:09 PM #64

    I’m not sure why some people, me being one of those people, allow themselves to be in a relationship for years and years knowing, or feeling like that there’s something missing. We live one life without any guarantees on how long, yet we’ll live unhappy, or less than. I think it has to do with pain that we saw growing, which now normalizes the pain that we’re currently. Except that it shouldn’t be that way. Yes, pain is apart of life, but if you’re experiencing more sadness than happiness with a particular situation it’s just not the right situation.

    It’s harder when a family is involved. It’s harder when he’s a good guy, but the fact still remains that I’m not getting what I want. What I need!

  • sassybitch April 4th, 2015 at 8:15 AM #65

    I totally believe that if a man loves his woman and wants a future with her and sees her as his wife than he’ll pop the question after a year or two. If after at least two years he hasn’t than he doesn’t love you enough to want to make such a commitment to you. I’m telling you the truth ladies so don’t waste a other year on a guy that doesn’t love you and want to pop question after 2 years. You should find a guy that has no dought after 2 years and one that knows he loves you to death and can’t live without you and wants to be you’re husband. Theres alot of romantic loving men out there that day dream about marriage just as much as us women do. Women that want marriage and don’t want to settle with just dating need to dump their looser bf and find thos romantic type of guy. Wtf wud any woman wait longer than 3 years for a ring! Get the clue that after 3 years he doesn’t love you enough so don’t settle for a man that don’t love you. So many women hold on and on hoping this will be the year smh… you’re not getting any younger

  • jlynn April 4th, 2015 at 8:32 AM #66

    I don’t agree with the fact that if a woman wants to marry a man she doesn’t love him..makes no sense…nor do I agree with the fact that it’s the woman’s fault for divorce more than the men’s..I’m fact I disagree with most of what you say..especially when I work with more men then women and hear how they brag about cheating on their wives all day and how stupid their wife is that they don’t know it..it’s a sad future for our children when more and more men refuse to committ and are setting bad examples for the future generations..

  • jlynn April 4th, 2015 at 8:34 AM #67

    Sorry he did that to you when he knew how much you wanted marriage.. my boyfriend knows better than do that to me

  • Lizzie s April 5th, 2015 at 12:19 AM #68

    I’ve been with my partner now for 13 years, he asked me to married him after 6 months of meeting… I wasn’t ready then- fast forward to Christmas 2014, we booked a holiday and he said about getting married there… I was delighted as was our two children- I’ve booked everything for the wedding, now to be told we are rushing into it- he doesn’t want to get married, what do I do the weddings in 7 weeks… I’m completely heartbroken :(

  • Confused April 5th, 2015 at 9:35 PM #69

    I’ve been with my boyfriend for over 2 years. We have a great relationship and never had a fight. We do not live together because my daughter is a junior in HS and I don’t want to move her at this point. Our plan is to move in together once she graduates. We have both been married once before. I’m 50 and he’s 54. He had a very expensive breakup and this is the main reason that he doesn’t want to marry again. I always thought that I didn’t want to either but I didn’t think I would meet someone I love like I do him. I am hurt that he doesn’t want to marry me. I feel rejected. At this point I don’t think i will sell my house and move in with him when the time comes. Just like others have said.. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. I love this man but I am unsure of our future at this point. Being 50 and saying “my boyfriend” is starting to turn me off.. help.. What do I do??? I need advise!!

  • jlynn April 6th, 2015 at 10:33 PM #70

    I feel the same way about calling him “my boyfriend” ..feels like I’m in high school..we have been together 7 years and I can’t understand why he doesn’t want to commit when he is always telling me how much he loves me..

  • Tori April 8th, 2015 at 9:32 PM #71

    I couldn’t remember how to get back to this site. So glad I found it again

  • truelove April 12th, 2015 at 10:45 PM #72

    Please people don’t stay in these relationships.Why get married when you’re continuing to function and go on as a couple. I left my 4 year relationship for the very same reason and now happily engaged after dating someone new for 6 months. Leave! If they love you they will make every effort to get you back and make you happy including marriage. If not you will know they never planned on marrying you in the first place.

  • martina April 13th, 2015 at 2:33 AM #73

    I too ave been with my boyfriend for 7 years I have 3 teenage children that he gets on fine with he says he loves me but doesn’t want to live together till they’re older im 41 nd hes 53 can’t even get him to go on a family holiday ….. In every way he’s a brilliant man would do anything more you except commit

  • martina April 13th, 2015 at 2:36 AM #74

    join the club I do it every occasion xmas birthday nd valentines all because he told me someday he would want to but not sure when

  • Confused April 13th, 2015 at 3:20 PM #75

    I’m sorry you’re dealing with this after 7 years. I guess it’s up to us whether to stay. We discussed it again this weekend and I told him at this point even if he asked me to marry him, I wouldn’t feel it was sincere, I don’t know…

  • Confused April 13th, 2015 at 3:26 PM #76

    That’s a rough one! Is he good with your child? That is very important since the bio dad is Mia so to speak. I wouldn’t support a man.. No way! I hope he’s getting some type of disability money. As for the mean mom, I feel for ya.. My BOYFRIEND’S (yeah.. Bf / not husband) mother and sister do not like me .. For no reason.. SCREW THEM!!

  • jlynn April 13th, 2015 at 9:34 PM #77

    I know it’s so hard..I really love him but I don’t think he will ever want to marry me..I told him last night I will never get over wanting to get married and all he said is “I know”…I’m so confused on what to do..I finally found a man that I truly love and he don’t want to marry me…

  • Jess April 20th, 2015 at 5:04 AM #78

    HELP, I moved to another city to be with my boyfriend of 8 years as my living arrangements changed so we thought it would be a good idea for me to move. He has been wonderful however as of yet we don’t live together. He does stay over and we see each other neally everyday. We have grown up together our love is amazing however I’m missing home and my pets a lot when the days I don’t see him I start to freak out and say I want to go home. Recently I’ve had a rough time finding work and I called my mum, she wants me to come home but on the condition I never speak to my bf again. I have spoken to my bf who wants me to stay but also wants me to be happy. He said if I want to go home for a few months until he finds a house for us to move in together he will come and get me. He is also having financial issues which my mum doesn’t understand all she sees is I’ve been in a relationship for 8 years and not married but I know he will marry me and he has assured me. Do I go home and wait till he has our life set up and be around family and pets or should I stay because I love him so much. Either way he will marry me, I just have doubts if I stay I might push him away by my stress of being alone some days or do I risk going home on his promise until he is ready….

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