Closer to Closure: 10 Tips for Moving On After Getting Dumped

Sad Woman Looking at a Photo Album

Breakups are often a painful ordeal, but the pain is all the more excruciating when you don’t see it coming. You thought things were going great, and then seemingly out of nowhere your partner breaks it off, leaving you alone with an aching heart.

Finding closure after an unexpected breakup can be incredibly challenging, but here are 10 tips to help you move on after getting dumped.

1. Allow Yourself to Feel

Studies have shown that the brain copes with rejection similarly to the way it processes physical pain. Some may be tempted to numb the pain with drugs and alcohol or jump immediately into another relationship to avoid their feelings. Rather than taking this approach, allow yourself to feel the emotions in their entirety, whatever they may be.

It is natural to grieve after any loss. Even if you avoid the pain initially, eventually you have to face it to heal. By giving yourself time to grieve, you’ll find it easier to obtain the closure you seek and move on with your life.

2. Understand the Grieving Process

Relationship counselor Jesse Johnson, MA, LPC suggests, “After a relationship ends, it’s important to honor the grieving process, not only in the loss of the relationship, but in the loss of any future vision for the relationship. Some people need to grieve an entire life’s vision in this way. It’s a big deal and honoring the end will help greatly with closure.”

3. Practice Forgiveness

Holding on to any grudges or resentment for your former partner will only prevent you from moving on with your life. Offer yourself a pardon by being willing to let go of the past and forgive your ex for any ways you feel you were wronged.

Likewise, forgive yourself for any mistakes you may have made in the relationship. Hold yourself in a state of compassion, and be willing to learn from the past so you can make better choices in the future.

4. Channel the Energy Elsewhere

Rather than sit around and let your anger, sadness, or frustration eat away at you, choose to channel that energy into something productive. Exercise is an excellent way to move energy out of your body and it releases endorphins, which will help improve your mood. You may also consider getting involved in your community or taking up a new hobby.

5. Maintain Your Self-Worth

There’s no denying that being rejected by someone you love hurts, but refuse to let it impact your self-esteem. Know your value as a person, and honor your self-worth.

Choose to maintain your dignity by not trying to force someone to be in your life who doesn’t want to be. Eventually, the right person will come along and you won’t have to prove your worth because he or she will recognize it.

6. Throw Out the Mementos

It’s tough to get rid of old love letters, photos, and other mementos, but choosing to keep them only encourages you to hang on to the past.

There is nothing wrong with keeping your memories, but choose to do so in a way that isn’t destructive. Consider taking down the old photos and keeping the mementos out of sight in a keepsake box or other non-visible location.

7. Create Your Own Closure

Ironically, seeking closure can be one of the greatest hindrances to moving on from a breakup. It can be tempting toSometimes when a relationship ends, it was meant to end. There may be someone else out there for you who is a far better match than your former partner. try to organize a big conversation with an ex to get real answers for why the relationship ended. In many cases, you won’t be able to have that conversation and the odds are that even if you did, it probably wouldn’t help much anyway.

While closure tends to work well in the business world, it doesn’t really fit in when it comes to matters of the heart. We may want a neat little ending to our pain, but it’s rarely that simple.

In reality, the best way to get closer to that feeling of closure you desire may be to simply cut off all contact. Let go of the idea of mending the relationship and create your own form of closure. Allow yourself to start building a new life outside of the former relationship and do what you need to do to move on.

9. Embrace the Impermanence of Life

Change is the only constant in our lives. As much as we try to hang on to anything in life, there is no forever. Everything is constantly in flux. By refusing to accept this, you resist life itself.

Help yourself move on by embracing the natural impermanence of our ephemeral lives on this planet. Understand that people come and go in our lives, and sometimes we have no choice but to let go of the old and embrace the new.

9. Keep the Faith

It is far too easy to become cynical after being dumped. Rather than being bitter, remain open to the possibilities of love. Therapist Deb Hirschhorn, PhD offers this piece of advice for the brokenhearted: “Don’t think of it as getting dumped; think of it as being set free.”

Sometimes when a relationship ends, it was meant to end. There may be someone else out there for you who is a far better match than your former partner. Allow yourself to grieve and then, when you’re ready, consider the possibility of entering a new relationship.

10. Seek Support

You don’t have to go through a breakup or any relationship problem alone. Seek support from your friends and family. Allow them to hold a safe container for you to share your feelings. If the container of family and friends is not enough, consider finding a therapist you trust to help you work through and process your feelings in a safe space.


  1. Saul, Heather. (2013, October 16). Brain treats rejection like physical pain say scientists. The Independent. Retrieved from

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The preceding article was solely written by the author named above. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by Questions or concerns about the preceding article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment below.

  • Leave a Comment
  • Lil

    August 11th, 2015 at 11:25 AM

    Nothing like making you think the absolute worst things about yourself like getting dumped can do! I have to admit that there have been men who have made me lose my confidence and who have reduced me to tears, but I have learned that the best way to get over it is to finally make some peace with myself and who i am. Not always the easiest thing to do, I know, but once you are accepting and tolerant of who you are then it doesn’t seem to matter quite as much what other people think about you.

  • Brian

    July 16th, 2023 at 12:51 PM

    I am 50 and never been married nor do I have any children. I’ve had a few long term relationships but this last one of 3 years is with the greatest woman I’ve ever met. I love her to death. I made some mistakes and the biggest one is lack of communication. By far. I won’t meet anyone like her. I know I won’t. We met over 10 years ago but she lived out of town. So nothing happened. Then she’s back in my life and I was like “Oh ok. This seems meant to be…” but now I’m dying inside. I can’t take this pain. I lost my brother to cancer in 2017 and that really messed me up. My dad in 2020. I can’t lose her now. I just can’t. I will do ANYTHING on this planet to make it work. 1000%

  • jonathan

    August 12th, 2015 at 10:28 AM

    the instinct for me has always been to hide the pain. Never let them see you hurting even if it is killing you on the inside, don’t let anyone else know that. Not the healthiest way to cope, but you know, I’m a guy so thre pressure is always there to just suck it up and move on.

  • tracy

    August 26th, 2019 at 10:18 AM

    I am sorry that you feel because you are a guy that you are not free to express your hurt feelings. Men have pain too

  • Sierra

    August 12th, 2015 at 4:16 PM

    You have to learn to not only forgive yourself but also forgive the one who breaks up with you. Of course the break up will break your heart, we have all been there done that. But most of the time in a young relationship this is not the end of the world. It probably does feel like it is at the time, but believe me it isn’t. I would encourage anyone going through this to acknowledge the power that forgiveness can have in your life- you may not forget what was done to you, but letting go is one of the best feelings ever. Let go of that pain and move forward.

  • Vaishnav L

    October 14th, 2017 at 9:44 AM

    Being dumped will hurt u a lot . But nothing can be done if u don’t push your mind out of it . Its a hard process but always remember the harder it gets the better u be rewarded . You may feel like you’ll never get a person like your ex , but suck it up cause you were even after you trusted gave everything you could from your side . Another person would always be there as you deserve it who will understand your effort even if your not the best and make you feel special and happy as you always wanted . Just remember and live by this principle . I believe in karma and its gonna make it even to those who deserve and those who don’t . Just be true honest and kind hearted as a human being you will deserve everything you have put your heart into <3 have a nice day

  • dawn

    August 14th, 2015 at 7:35 AM

    Sooooo much easier to be the dumper instead of the dumpee!

  • Marnie

    July 5th, 2018 at 2:19 PM

    That has always been my Motto – but this last time I felt there was no closure. After 1 1/2 years, dating a widower, he just decided he needed/wanted to be alone. Then I found him on a dating site – looking for marriage. I confronted him. HIs daughter told me 1 thing, he another. It is as painful as losing my husband.

  • Lindsey

    July 14th, 2018 at 8:11 AM

    I agree. I fee like they got all the power and while I am here heartbroken they seem to be moving on a lot quicker because it was their decision. I try to not let them know I want them back but its hard and for that I think that gives them more power because they know that there is a place for them and they can decide to come back when and if they want. My bf of 6 years just left 2 days ago and I feel like I am dying inside.

  • Alice

    February 4th, 2019 at 8:49 PM

    Sending you a hug. I just had my very good friend dump me after 10 years of togetherness. Did not marry or live together. I had to move 6 hours from where we were to be with my family and for other reasons. After 3 years, he decided he did not want to maintain a long distance relationship. He saw a woman somewhere he always goes, asked for her phone number and was dating her within about 1 week of the breakup. Oh he called me supposedly before he found her, pretty much yelled at me on the phone. And since then he has been ignoring me. Wont answer the phone or respond to texts. And it seems not matter what I say in a text, he comes back with a snotty reply. As it said on here – Don’t think of it as getting dumped, think of it as being set free. One day I did feel very free. I need to apply that more. It looks like I will be having to let him go.

  • Sonia

    September 7th, 2019 at 7:58 AM

    Yeees I agree totally.

  • Allison

    August 15th, 2015 at 7:38 AM

    I won’t say that I have or have not done this, but there is something that can be sort of therapeutic about burning all the stuff from the relationship!

  • Vanessa

    August 13th, 2019 at 2:26 AM

    yesssss agreed hahahha

  • Carter L.

    August 16th, 2015 at 10:55 AM

    You have to give yourself some time and space to live with the loss that you have gone through. Just because you have ended a relationship or someone has ended it with you is not going to mean that automatically you will stop loving this person. That’s crazy. You have to take the same kind off time to mourn the end of thship the same way that you would with anything in your life that ends and I think that this is where so many of us get into trouble. We want to add things to our lives to just avoid those hard and difficult feelings, whereas if we would simply learn to process the grief that we are feeling I think that w could see that the healing time could be cut down immensely because we would actually confront those feelings instead of simply trying to bury them.

  • lark265

    September 22nd, 2017 at 2:25 PM


  • Lewis

    August 17th, 2015 at 9:35 AM

    When you fail to forgive and forget the person that you hold that grudge against is living in your head and still getting the best of you, ruining your life long after they shouldn’t even be a part of it anymore. Just let it go.

  • Dan

    September 26th, 2017 at 2:51 AM

    Eventually my gf dumped me, my Mexican heritage never bonded with her japanese perfection. She was very happy with me but the differences and non skin communication finally made her to leave me. My self-steem was always on the floor, she just fulminated my human value. I am not a savage, edudated with collegue degree living in Australia, glad maybe is good to be free and will heal all this wounds. Something inside me tells me that she was so racist and never open to me.

  • suzanne c.

    November 18th, 2018 at 8:22 PM

    Thank you

  • dani

    August 18th, 2015 at 4:32 PM

    You are so right- Exercise can be a great way to get rid of those demons!

  • Mercy

    August 16th, 2016 at 5:35 AM

    Your advice has been very helpful to me,since I just got dumped

  • Loice

    January 3rd, 2017 at 11:50 PM

    We have been taught to say ‘when you were set free’ eliminate that being dumped inyour mind dear, u will then acknowledge the freedom you now have and move on enjoying that Freedom

  • theoldguy

    February 16th, 2017 at 11:42 PM

    Must be nice to be able to do all that. My former girlfriend got engaged on the day before my birthday so I’d always remember

  • Shahab

    February 20th, 2017 at 5:10 AM

    Just got dumped by the girl I Love. Yap, deleting all her pictures. Isolating myself. I hope it will help. If you ever ever read this, know that I loved you crazy and despite all the promised that you’ve broken and all that you’ve made me go through, no, I don’t hate you. I love you. But I’ll have to change. You’ve left me with no choice. You’ve paralyzed my life. I’ve loved you with all my heart and you’ve repay me in the worst way. But …I’ll live. I might never be the same again but I’ll live.
    Thank you, @author. This has been really helpful :)

  • carrie riley

    March 4th, 2017 at 6:47 PM

    I was just dumped by my boyfriend i loved for three years. I did the same…deleted all our pictures ect. I feel for you and hope in time we both find true love again without the pain. Right now I cant imagine forever really exists with that one special person. Even though it is all I want. I have no desire to play the field. Good luck…to all of us.

  • Joan

    March 31st, 2017 at 4:35 AM

    The comments were as helpful, as the article was. I helped my boyfriend get a better job, better vehicle, and supported him 100% throughout our time together. He dumped me. Without warning, or hesitation. He tried to break my heart, but he broke his the most.

  • Dumped

    April 15th, 2017 at 2:16 PM

    I was just dumped while going through some depression and anxiety… She was my rock, albeit my shakey rock… But I needed her support. I felt very hurt because her leaving only validated how I felt that my depression and anxiety was pushing people out of my life. Now I have to be strong for myself and it’s very hard. Three years is a long time to be together and just throw away. Now I’m picking up the pieces by myself and even around friends and family I feel alone. I’m still trying everyday… I hope one day these afflictions will lift and I can be naturally happy again. I will still love her and could never hate her for finding her happiness without me. Thanks for this article and I hope everyone else out there finds their happiness too.

  • Sunny

    June 24th, 2017 at 7:45 PM

    Wow our experiences are so similar….Q-Q other than the gender role is flipped and it’s a long distance relationship. We’ve been seeing each other around 3~4 months/year and it’s been almost three years. He helped me a lot in getting better with my depression and anxiety… he was the one I could turn to show all those crazy thoughts and emotions that struck me sometimes. Although he can’t be together anymore because of the distance and our position in life, I can’t help but wonder if it was my personality that pushed him away,just like how I pushed all my of friends out of my life because I feel like I’m not the same person as before and it would only depress them if they hang out with me. Now he’s gone too. He wanted to stay as friends and we did for two weeks. But it was so hard.. hearing him say that he doesn’t love me anymore, I’m only a friend (a long distance one too), feeling him shifting away further and further, and knowing that I’m no longer his priority. It hurts so bad. I still yearn to hear his voice, even if it is just online. But I know he couldn’t care less anymore. It’s been 6 days since I cut off all contacts with him. It hurts, but it will get better. Talking to him may make me feel better temporarily, but the pain will never stop this way. This article and all these comments make me feel less alone, like there are people who understands my pain. Thank you and best of luck to all of you :)

  • Dumped hard

    July 17th, 2017 at 3:24 PM

    I am in the same boat. My long distance boyfriend just broke up with me. It ended in the worst row, id had a lot of bad luck lately and stupidly took it out on him, I basically fought daily until he had to walk away. He is telling me he wants to be friends but being so cold. This is just my first day not talking to him after the breakup on 23rd June and it hurts so bad. Does anyone else struggle with the idea of trying to get the person back? These tips will help but I’m struggling so much.

  • Dumped hard

    July 11th, 2017 at 8:13 PM

    Can you actually die of sadness? sleep….NO friends supportive words…NO

  • Amber

    July 12th, 2017 at 8:24 AM

    dying on the inside indeed… but it will get better eventually. You can follow r/BreakUps on reddit, you can post your story anonymously and get a lot of great advices; or just read through what other people post and feel that you are not alone in feeling the pain.

  • loice

    October 29th, 2017 at 5:06 AM

    Sadness on its self does not kill, what u are doing is neglecting your body hence depression will give room for more diseases, not mentioning you not having a proper diet…….. those plus lack of sleep will lead there

  • Lindsey

    February 4th, 2018 at 7:28 PM

    Feels like I am dying

  • Lady

    February 18th, 2019 at 10:05 PM

    I just go dumped by a guy i was seeing for 3 months. He just said h doesn’t have love feelings for me. He said it’s been 3 months and he is still not inlove so if it doesn’t happen in 3 months it will not happen anytime soon. I really like the guy and even though I’m really not inlove with him yet I was so determined to make the relationship work. It sucks that people put a deadline or a 3-month rule in love. Mature love takes time to develop. I still wanna keep seeing him but he made it clear he will never change his mind. I feel like my insides have turned to ice and i cannnot even eat or sleep properly. I need some advice… im so broken inside right now… :(

  • Liesel

    August 17th, 2017 at 2:31 PM

    I have been divorced a LONG time and rarely fall in love. But I did. Three months into it, he ended it abruptly, saying he wasn’t “too sure” he wanted to be monogamous. Same reason his wife divorced him a year earlier. Devastated. It’s stupid to hurt this much. My heart skips when I see a reminder in town. I’ve tried everything this article recommends. Now I just have to wait for it to heal, I guess. : (

  • lark265

    September 22nd, 2017 at 2:41 PM

    I know about those awful “reminders”…..they somehow are almost worse than seeing the actual person
    or hearing their voice…..yes, this site has a ton of advice, but I know for me what helps is walking with others in the same boat…..pain tries to find pain to help itself get through

  • Leonard

    October 8th, 2017 at 9:19 PM

    I just dumped by my gf who has a son, both of us are divorcee. We started relationship 2 years back but she said she don’t have time with me rather to spend her bonding time with her son, spending time with me is tiring, but the core reason is she did not love me at the first place but just to find a companion when she gets hurt by someone before me. This is disaster for me and it really hurt me am I that bad to her while I was blending hard to her life, even go out “dating” with her son most of time. Yes she set me free, I can’t love her anymore as it is stupid to love a person that no longer love you.

  • cindy

    November 11th, 2017 at 1:26 AM

    My boyfriend dumped me after 1 year 2 months of being together. I was there for this man when he was injured could not walk or move for 4 months. driving 200km 3 times a week to take care of him. he was on a wheelchair for the last 5 months and I would take him for picnics when everyone thought he was down and out & boring. First thing he did soon after his recovery was to get rid of me and now He spend time with people who rejected him the time he was down. I am hurt , He picked a fight with me and I did not fight instead I decided to give him space and kept quite for 4 days on the 5th day he told me hes moved on there is a lady in his life and no space for me.

  • Felipe

    November 11th, 2017 at 4:32 AM

    I was dumped by my gf of three years out of the bloom, just after an amazing period in which we were really happy, at least in the surface, i guess yes there were problems like in all relationships but i thougt we were working them out activley since we had stablished a policy to communicate and solve our issues. It went down really fast and she was super determiend, also it was just as I i took a job in wich I have to travel for a month an a half, i feel terribly sad and i loved her fondly and still cant belive she came to this determination so fast, only after a week i started this job. I tried to make her reconsider her determination but the only thing i foud was more sadnees an determination to never see me again. I am also really frustrated, disaponted and angry at her since she could not whait a month so i came back from this important job oportunity, now i feel like sh** in a job that should have gone perfectly ok, i am fighting now to find the strenght to overcome this pain and do an excelent job, I feel like she was too strategic of when to end this better for here, since im nowere close but left me in an unknown enviroment and important setting in which i needed to be at my best. We had an age diference she 30 me 25. She said that she came to a point in which she felt that she needed to grow and could not whait for me no more which makes it even harder to digest, and also that our love was just based on needenes and dependence. I have moments of peace over the day but mostly I am living in an emotional rolercoaster, i feel like a drama queen some times, since i have thought the comedown throug many times and talked to 4-5 friends and my mom, reaching the conclusion i have to let her go, only to find myself holding a secret hope that she will make up her mind or some how il get her back. Added to all this mess i foud some extremlely enticing mesages of her and other guy in the computer on one night i was at home town from the job, of her shearing some hot pictures just one night before our break up and talking to the guy before also, yes y violeted her privacy and i am sorry really sorry for that but truly i had no answers as for way she suddenly change so drasticly her mind about us since only tow weeks before we were having a really good time working together in photography projects and planing for the future, other that eh ones she mentioned that seemed so general i could not take them seriously enough, yes at some levevel we were not fully independent a so ther was yes some needenes and dependece on the relationship but im shure it was not at all the definig factor of our dyniamic or at lest i think that myself, for the age diference an her telling i was holding her back i find the claim kind of baffling since i was very very supportive of her plans an future desires, but one thing there was an issue at is economic independence, I was just starting to work my way up while she is already established a reputation and has a sort of constant work income, wedding photograper. I feel i was a rock for her when she strated to work and grow to become succesfull but now i feel she left me alone when im about to start to cath her in this respect, so yes i acknowledge that there is indeed at least an economic gap. But her saing she was hold up by me on her growing and facing life still is a wierd too me, i did no more than help her when i could and was available. If there is anyone whith some insight into my story it wold be gratley apreciated thanks and good luck every one.

  • Sal

    February 4th, 2018 at 1:46 AM

    Sounds like there wasnt real love from her side to begin with, and she didnt really have the courage to tell you that she wanted other things .. sorry buddy.
    I &****ed up in a similar way .. literally having an angel take care of me and put up with 10 years of me being on and off with her .. going to other girls and her taking me back .. me taking a near lethal amount of substances daily (ptst nutcase). And she stood by me while i took all that for granted, took me back every time but ive pushed it to the point where she doesnt love me anymore, packed up her things and left and just decided to live life. The worst part was me being so drug ****ed that i was aware of what i was doing but didnt have the power over my mind to do and say the right things.. its like a demon controling your actions while youre suppressed in the background watching you ruin your life .. today i went to try get her back again only to hear that she doesnt love me anymore and shes gone cold on me.. i got down on one knee in a busy street where we spoke in hope of re conciliating on my part,but thats where she left me in tears on the pavement there. With a smile she told me its too late. Now i have a few easy options im contemplating lets all see if i got the balls to do it

  • Listoh

    April 11th, 2018 at 11:02 AM

    I experience the same right now, The difference from our stories is that on the 1April as we all know that its the april fool..She dumped me and later she said that, it was a joke and yet i understood, during our chat on the phone i told her that i will make my own april fool..after few days i phoned her and we spoke a little but since her area had a problem of network the line cut us otherwise i phoned again and asked who is the important person who was calling and she got angry, same time dropped her phone and sent me a message dumping me. She never answear my calls and SMSs..NOW I DONT GIVE A D*** BECAUSE ITS OBVIOUS THAT SOME PEOPLE PLAY WITH HEARTS

  • Robert P

    February 5th, 2018 at 11:17 AM

    At age 39, I got into a relationship, my first and only, thus far. At age 43, she ended it. I was, and still am crushed. It’s been 1 year, 4 months, since. My anger is just now starting to subside. Working it out on the treadmill; at the gym helped. Still bitter, but mostly sad now. I don’t know if I’ll ever pursue another relationship, I have a lot wrong with me. The prospect of facing my older years alone, isn’t something I’m looking forward to, but being 45 now, with not much going for me, doesn’t scream a great catch.

  • Marie

    February 7th, 2018 at 1:15 PM

    He was my first relationship at almost 28 years..I was so happy because I thought finally, this is why I haven’t had anyone else. He ended it after 5.5 months saying he didn’t feel we had a lot of chemistry or things in common, which I don’t think is true. I tried to ask him if he wanted to make it work but he didn’t want to. It hurts so bad. I feel like the pain will never go away. I hope one day I can be genuinely happy again. Even if it does mean I will be alone.

  • felipe

    February 7th, 2018 at 5:59 PM

    Hi Marie, I am sorry for your loss, but really i think if its your first relationship its normal what happened look at it as a first try in a very complicated game (that wich is human relationships beliveme they are no easy thing) If he felt that way and you did not i get it its a smack on the nuts (not but really i get your pain you can read my coment is yours in the thread at november 11. So by all means and take it from some one who did the wrong thing, get your life together even if you dont fell like it and start working on your projects, because you will gent nothig from standing still on a rut or stagnating over what happend, life its a ***** some times and thats how it is you can learn from it or not its your choice that its not to say you should not greif or cry by all means do it, but late at night when you had a productive day, i know i did not do it and i can say you it didt came good for me now im having to work and enmend my routines and reputation. so please put your tough side now and work it out, best of luck, felipe. Sorry for my english not my native languge.

  • Marie

    February 8th, 2018 at 1:32 PM

    Hi Felipe. Thank you for your comment. I appreciate you taking the time to write it. I will take it day by day and hopefully something better will come along.
    I am sorry for your situation also. I cant imagine being with someone for 3 years and them leaving suddenly. Be strong! The things we can not control/have no power to are things that we should not give so much power to. Only the things we have control over should we worry about. Best of luck.

  • Richard S

    March 5th, 2018 at 1:28 PM

    It’s almost like a death of a loved one.

  • Charlene

    April 10th, 2018 at 6:46 PM

    I have just been dumped from a very close friendship of 13 years. In that time i saw him through many hard times. He battled with depression,money worries,life in general. I stood by him when no one else would be his friend.He had an alcohol problem as well.I sorted his house out and made it liveable.I sat late at night and listened to all his worries.In short i was his rock,he told me he loved me and i him.He managed to get his drinking under control.Started to go out and suddenly has a girlfriend,practically moved into the house that i put right for him. I loved (love) him very much,but suddenly was dismissed from his life without warning.I was even going round cleaning and tidying unaware she was coming round later,We have been together for so long that i feel bereft , there is nothing i can do,life does not feel worth living,but i will carry on. I have no wish for revenge or to cause trouble.I just feel so upset that he could just change on me so suddenly and let me down so badly.He feels he has done nothing wrong.We have been through so much,how could he?

  • monsoon_nz

    May 4th, 2018 at 2:47 AM

    Really sorry to hear this and others in so much pain. When the people in our lives leave us it can be so utterly hard. Bless and I hope your heart has healed since this happened.
    I had planned to move overseas and start a new life with the woman of my dreams. She called me one morning to tell me she no longer loved me. This was some time ago. I suppose I still deny it happened somedays. Things can feel unreal.
    All my love to the broken hearts here :)

  • Mz J

    May 9th, 2018 at 6:27 PM

    To Charlene and anyone that can relate:
    I was with a guy for 3.5 years – supported him through so much. Was always there for him – through an important surgery, through alcohol issues, through anxiety, through depression. All this, while being a positive, happy person. I think, as women, we tend to perhaps sub-consciously take on the role of a nurturer. We think that perhaps the man we love deserves all this – and there could be a lot of affection in the relationship, no doubt. But did we ever ask ourselves, what did this guy do to deserve us? What sign of commitment has this person shown? How much has he given? People like that are simply takers. They take, take, take and take. If someone gets up and leaves, let them go. Seriously, I have gone through the worst pain and suffering only to realize that it was my folly. Giving too much, being someone’s rock, giving your best to someone – guard it for someone deserving. Guard it for someone that proves their worth to you. These qualities are precious – have the person earn it before you spread these out for free.
    So Charlene, get up. Be strong. Immerse yourself in a hobby – any hobby, anything at all. But know that the guy you cared for is a jerk. He is a selfish jerk who does not deserve your love. You, on the other hand, deserve the very best. You don’t have to force yourself to meet new people – first, just spend time with yourself and heal. But, promise yourself this : Never again, will you allow this to happen.

  • Suzanne M.C.

    November 20th, 2018 at 1:26 PM

    Thank you for your kind words of wisdom.

  • Nick

    June 19th, 2018 at 1:03 PM

    So much pain here. My heart aches listening to all this. I too have been recently “let go”. And strangely it hurt. it The relationship wasn’t perfect, but its the best I could do given my circumstances. In 2013 I ended it with her but my pain was much less. I guess being dumped is harder. I am suffering and unable to sleep. I really liked this woman very much. But I can honestly say you have to accept it and move on. Moving on doesn’t mean dating someone immediately, it means grieving a little then truly learning about yourself.
    Finally, to be hurt means leaving yourself vulnerable. We have to vulnerable to love.
    So never stop loving.
    Take care.

  • Check This Out

    July 27th, 2018 at 10:58 PM

    Understand the Grieving Process after breakup,not so easy but “Make some time to overcome from breakups” or dump situation

  • Check

    August 6th, 2018 at 2:35 AM

    (Breakup), it’s hard to win him/her back anymore. and rebound relationship as same before.

  • MRC

    August 9th, 2018 at 4:32 AM

    What a GREAT article! You are so incredibly right! I just find it really interesting that you’ve put in this post.

  • James

    August 9th, 2018 at 7:39 PM

    I can’t cope with the pain of my break up. Can’t eat or sleep, I feel depressed. Can’t sleep without the sleeping pills. And to make things worse I think I’m getting addicted to them. How can I make myself feel better and sleep better?

  • The Team

    August 10th, 2018 at 6:15 AM

    Hi, James. Thank you for sharing your comment and visiting the GoodTherapy blog. If you would like to consult with a mental health professional, please feel free to return to our homepage,, and enter your zip code into the search field to find therapists in your area. If you’re looking for a counselor that practices a specific type of therapy, or who deals with specific concerns, you can make an advanced search by clicking here:

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  • samuel

    November 20th, 2018 at 11:13 AM

    i just got dumped by my gf it broke my heart

  • Vanbox

    January 24th, 2019 at 12:48 PM

    Okay, Me right now I don’t know whether we are done with my boyfriend or not. He has been ignoring me for like 17 days, so in the first days I used to send him complaints of why he was bot talking to me yet online on whatsapp then delete the messages after when I am angry…then some days pass and I greet him without any replies yet I could see him online. That really hurt me so much…then he fgot off after sometime, tried to call him but he was not pockig, se t him direct texts but was not replying, used to cry a lot in those firat days..but now I cry less…and I check his chats when he has not said a thing and I don’t cry…I dont know whats wrong with me but I really miss him so much, I even wanted to go to his place without him knowing so that I vould ask his whatsup face to face…but after readig all this I think that ain’t a good idea. I feel like when he qants to talk to me he will…but I am failing to keep this up, I am so sad. I dont know whether that is a sigh of him wanting to breakup with me or not. I need advice. And we have been dating for like 11 months now…coming to a year.

  • Leema

    June 9th, 2019 at 11:10 AM

    Got dumped 08/06/2019 ,he said you did nothing wrong n you good ,but l have decided to end the relationship ,it was not working for him…took the whole day by myself to heal ,l feel much better after reading the article and comments ,we dated for almost a year.. He dumped me with a text ,,and never seen such wickedness kkkk

  • Anon

    June 24th, 2019 at 1:43 PM

    I m jst dumped by a person whom i loved tip to toe … amended myself as per his choice but he left me ruthlessly i cant digest it … m broken

  • Galahad

    July 7th, 2019 at 9:49 AM

    My partner of 14 years and mother of my 2 young children told me yesterday that she is moving out. Can’t say that I didn’t know that she wasn’t happy, but I am still heart broken.,

  • Amanda

    August 1st, 2019 at 3:20 PM

    How to make the pain stop after a break up? Can’t eat or sleep, I feel depressed. How can I make myself feel better and sleep better?

  • mary

    September 4th, 2019 at 1:28 PM

    Amanda, There is no way to get rid of the pain. You must embrace it to get through it. I started reading about the “Law of Attraction”, it really helps. I wish you well. I am going through the same pain, just dealing with it. Wishing you well!

  • Moumita Mallick

    January 17th, 2020 at 10:03 PM

    I believe time can heal anything. But sometimes it takes too much time. That you lost your present and future to forget past.. For me, friends will be best to heal your inner pain..

  • Rey

    January 23rd, 2020 at 4:26 AM

    I’m impressed, I must say. Actually rarely do I encounter a blog that’s each educative and entertaining, and let me tell you, you’ve hit the nail on the head. Your thought is excellent; the difficulty is something that not sufficient individuals are talking intelligently about. I’m very pleased that I stumbled across this in my seek for something relating to this.

  • Dev

    March 26th, 2020 at 10:23 AM

    Yesterday I was dumped over the phone, while I was at work, by my bf of almost a year. Yes, we had our problems like any relationship would. Last week he told me he wanted to break up over the phone (again), however, he came over and we talked through it. I never once begged him to stay with me, I just talked and then I listened. He was the one who decided to keep the relationship going. Yet here I am, a little over a week later, completely broken. I am 25, almost 26, and he just turned 25. This was both our first real relationship. The first time we felt love for someone and was in love with someone. He said he has felt more stressed than happy in our relationship – which I only first heard of last week when he mentioned breaking up the first time. It seemed to have come out of nowhere, when here I was thinking I would marry this man someday. He would always talk about our future too, so I know I wasn’t the only one thinking about our future. Anyway, I’m still hurting and I know I will be for a long time, but this has made me realize I was not always the happiest in our relationship, as well. I was never his first priority (when he was mine), he had trouble making plans with me/for me, it didn’t feel as though he made time for me, he would ‘forget’ to mention important details/plans/life events, he was not very supportive of my anxiety because he’s a very relaxed person and didn’t understand why I was feeling the way I did at times, we had never been away together, and we only saw each other an average of twice (if that) a week. Some of these points may seem petty, but they meant a lot to me during the relationship and I had brought them to his attention. He would always make excuses (he loved saying I was a priority to him, but he also had lots of other priorities). THAT should have been a red flag to me. I deserve all of these things and I do not think they are too much to ask for. I can only hope I will find the right person for me someday, although right now it’s looking pretty bleak. This article has definitely helped and I will refer to it throughout my healing process. Thank you.

  • Franca

    April 15th, 2020 at 7:54 AM

    Letting go of someone you truly love is one of the most difficult things in the world. Unfortunately, sometime it’s necessary. Since the pain you experience from letting go of someone you love can stop you right in your tracks, you need to take action now if you hope to move forward with your life and find happiness elsewhere. This blog post you shared is really helpful and accurate, letting go is really hard and seems impossible, but with the piece you've created here, you sure have motivated us. Thanks for sharing.

  • Paul

    June 6th, 2020 at 6:36 PM

    19-month relationship with a woman I believed was “the one.” She demanded vulnerability as a gateway to trust building. I bought in and allowed myself to share fear, doubt, and inadequacy. It felt comforting, and safe, to be in a relationship where I could let the walls and force fields down. I was “in.” I returned home after a week away visiting family, and she ended it, refusing to go to counseling. Wrote her a six-page “give us another chance” letter, addressing her issues, apologizing for what she perceived as controlling behavior and dismissal of her feelings. Her response was to move out and cut all contact with me. I can’t seem to let go. Everywhere I look, I see her presence, her ghost. We used to go here together, there together, visit with those friends together, walk these streets, hike these trails, ski these slopes. And worse, far worse, I see her when I close my eyes. I, like many others have commented, can’t sleep. I still cry everyday. I am exercising regularly and volunteering in the neighborhood park restoration project, but every day, someone innocently asks, “how are you!”, and at those moments, all I can feel is my battered and broken heart. My mantra is “let her go”, and after reading this article, I will add, “she is setting me free.” But it is going to be a long and painful trip.

  • Rich P

    July 17th, 2020 at 1:18 PM

    I feels better knowing that I am not alone in this matter of being dumped. I’m 50 YO male and had a lot of relationships, all of which ended amicably. After almost 3 years of loving and being loved by a woman, she woke up one day, and just didn’t love me anymore. I was angry, heartbroken, sad, etc, and just couldn’t believe this happened. We had our problems but we always loved each other. I have asked for closure, and explanation and the short excuse she gave me just did not make sense. It is the hardest thing to cope with when you love someone and you think everything is fine and suddenly and quickly they change, they stop caring, they stop missing you, they stop loving you, like a light switch going off. I recently packed up some of her belongings and sent them to her hoping that this would help me to move on and lesson the pain. I just want to move on but its hard when a person gets dumped suddenly after loving the other so much. Seems like impossible or unreal that this happened but it did and I just want to move on. I hope she is happy with her new life. In the end, I never will know why she left. The only thing I know is that she stopped loving me. Heartbreaking experience. I wish everyone a happy and healthy future.

  • Birdy1

    August 25th, 2020 at 11:54 AM

    Anyone have the experience of having an affair as a married person and being dumped by the person you had the affair with? I couldn’t leave my husband because he is older than me and needs me. But I loved this other guy so much. I knew he wouldn’t wait if he found someone else to love and he did after 5 years of our affair. However he told me in the most appalling way, sending me a one sentence email telling me about the new relationship (although I knew something was going on before this) and then said that he wasn’t dumping me, he still loved me and would be happy to meet once a year. Talk about screwing with my head. There was a load of other unpleasantness when I was obviously upset at the way he dumped me and he became cold and abusive and made out like I was being unreasonable although I made it clear that although I found the new relationship difficult it was the way he told me about it more than anything. This man is a narrative therapist in his working life but probably the most emotionally cold and cruel person I’ve come across in the whole of my life

  • Jo

    March 10th, 2021 at 3:01 AM

    Being dumped unexpectantly is great for weight loss. I’m over 10% lighter, nearly 2 sizes smaller… looking and feeling great!
    He convinced me to apply for a new job, move into a temporary situation, anticipate for marriage in April and “await” his surprise proposal when he got it together. Not an easy step of faith after 13 years of widowhood. However, he dumped the weekend before the new job and relocation.
    I’m stilll rocked by the shock and passing him about at the new workplace. Im kinda getting used to the headspin every time I see him and he shuns me. I’m choosing to embrace the change and the “something better” that God has for me.

  • H

    May 7th, 2021 at 7:01 AM

    Just know that if you feel sick, betrayed and depressed, that feeling is pretty right. And avoid things like: “You need to man up”, “suck it up”, “be a grown up” and … . These sentences are as garbage as they can be. You must accept these dark feelings and go through them. No amount of avoidance is gonna help us. Just accept it. Swallow the bad tasting medicine and be done with it.
    . And even after months or years, if you can’t “forgive”, it’s not your fault. You cannot force yourself to forgive by saying clichés like “hatred is a poison” and stuff like that.
    “Forgiveness must happen naturally”. Believe me. I tried to forgive someone who cheated and after that dumped me, it got worst after forgiving, I harmed myself physically because my mind was getting back at me, it thought that she didn’t deserve forgiveness. So it’s not always good to force things. Premature forgiving is going to add more fuel to the depression.
    If you can’t forgive at all, you may be right, and you don’t need forgiving that person at all.
    Just let it be. That hatred, in time, is going to leave you. You will or will not love anybody like you love that person, but you are going to care and love yourself more….

  • Joe

    September 1st, 2021 at 6:57 AM

    Its so easyto read this advise. It also feels like its written for a 20 something. But at 55 it hurts even worse. I was in a relationship for 7 months and she dumped me. No row no argument just said we were at an end. This was a few weeks after declaring she was really into me and missing me when i was not around. What was worse was I had agreed to finish some work on her house as i knew she could not afford to finish it. So i am stillseeing her every few days and we appear to get on. Am i stupid.Maybe. But I never could just leave somebody in the lurch. And im old enough to know you cant force whats not there but seeing her regularly is making me analyse over and over…. Its tough

  • Gel

    September 11th, 2021 at 7:44 PM

    I just got dumped by my boyfriend. I am 34 and he is 21yrs old. I know the age gap is huge. We were dating for 5months but suddenly he dumped me and said he doesn’t want it anymore. He left with friends for a vacation and we haven’t gotten in touch for a week but he is seeing my instagram stories. His daily clothes are still with me. I love him but he doesn’t want to take me back. The problem is we are living in the same area. We surf in the same surf spot. I saw his stories always sitting beside this girl, which i think like him. What should I do if ever I encounter him? also, he owes me significant amount of money. How can I collect?

  • Gel

    September 11th, 2021 at 9:07 PM

    This article is helping me a lot. reading all the pains and struggles that people like me are experiencing. This article is a good avenue to me to express the pain I am feeling. My boyfriend of 5 months suddenly broke up with me and having a 1 week vacation with friends a a girl that I think liked him ever since. His daily clothes are still with me. My dilemma is that I might see him twice or thrice a week as we are in the same city and surf in the same spot. Hope you can give advise on what to do and how to collect a significat money he owes me.


    November 3rd, 2021 at 2:04 AM

    22 years after breakup [yes TWENTY TWO years] pain is as raw as if it happened yesterday. what drug can i take to erase the pain?

  • pink *T

    February 5th, 2022 at 7:42 AM

    he gave me 2 options either he lives without saying good bye or he says bye before he leaves i really felt heart broken when he said he’s leaving i chose the first option we got so close i didn’t notice i fell for him …i feel like a fool for not listening to my heart now his gone and i’m just acting ok……it really hurts-

  • Karin

    February 23rd, 2022 at 2:49 PM

    Things can only work out in your relationship only if you give chance to the right person to assist you. My love life turned out to be something great after i contacted prophet dumela through his details via email [dumeladgreat@ gmail. com] I still can’t really say what prophet dumela did actually but i can boldly say that the prophet gave my relationship that perfect fixing that my relationship was lacking happiness/love and through this my lover is seeking for me to marry him without wasting no more time.

  • Michel

    March 23rd, 2022 at 6:09 PM

    This is the best article I’ve read that relates to closure after getting dumped. Man, this is hard. I’m 60 and haven’t felt this way ever. I read this article everyday and somewhat it helps put things into perspective. And I’ve been all over the internet trying to make sense of all this . No easy way . But thanks for the help…

  • Adam

    May 22nd, 2022 at 11:09 PM

    After 18 years – dumped @ 50. The thing is, I had thought about leaving the relationship for a long time, we just drifted apart over the years. Even still, I couldn’t hurt my partner no matter what, there was (is) too much love there. Then he dumped me. Wow, how on earth can I feel so bad when I felt the same way? Honestly, I should feel lucky because it’s freedom without the guilt, but it still sucks. I can’t sleep, eat, the whole thing – it’s a perpetual punch in the gut. I suppose it’s a loss no matter what, the death of a relationship. After being with someone so long I can’t even picture an alternative life. Like others have said though, you HAVE to just feel it. I truly from the bottom of my heart believe I will never find someone that I love that much, which is probably not true, but it feels like it. I’ll hopefully reply back with an affirmation that the pain not only ends, but you really do find someone who is even more compatible. May everyone in pain find relief.

  • Teresa

    April 23rd, 2023 at 10:28 AM

    My now ex-partner of 23 years left me one morning saying its over and I have not seen him since. Due to work commitments, we lived a long distance relationship for 15 years, he would drive home to me each and every Friday returning to his home on a Sunday night. He has completely shattered my heart and after 3 months I am still an emotional wreck. At 65 years of age I feel my life is over and what is the point. He has completely cut all contact, blocked me from Social media, and treats me like I am the one to blame. It was him and his ‘living a dream of a relationship with his young female neighbour back at his home’ that caused him to throw myself and my family on the scrapheap. He has taken away from me my self respect and made me feel I am rubbish but I am not. How do I pick myself up brush myself down and forget ‘US’ as easily as he has done. Each day I wake and think of another day of grieving the loss our, what I thought was, a loving long time relationship. His decision to cut all ‘Contact’ only adds to my pain. All I asked of him was kindness and respect but by him taking the cowardly selfish option of cutting all contact and hiding away, he has but destroyed the once fun loving kind caring intelligent person I once was. I cannot stop thinking of what I have lost, of what we once were together and after 3 months the pain and heartache gets no easier to bare. I am contstantly told time shall heal but time is running out and I hate the way he has made me feel but I cannot seem to move on with life. Can anyone wave a magic wand and repair my now sad life. Does anyone have ny words of wisdom to help me heal because moving on is not something I seem able to do by myself.

  • Sandie

    May 15th, 2023 at 3:40 PM

    Wow…. I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me a day after my birthday I checked his phone and found out he had actually gone back with his ex… when I tried asking him about it he ended the relationship saying he didn’t love me anymore:.. It’s been 10 days yet I can’t eat or sleep I throw up and even feel sick… we live most next to each other so it’s hard to not think about him I feel like am dying on the inside but reading your comments has given me some strength to go on I just wish you’d all come back no matter after how long and just tell us you finally found happiness again…good luck everyone out there I’ll surely return when I heal

  • Alex

    May 30th, 2023 at 5:06 AM

    I’m 44 years old. I’m met an amazing woman seven months ago. She is beautiful and amazing we live close to each other, and she suddenly left me when I saw the signs that she had prepared for this at least a month before we never had one argument I work a lot I have a little bit more responsibility for my children than she has, I wasn’t able to attend it a few things she wanted me to be at I didn’t think it was a big deal. I thought there was always tomorrow. She said I didn’t initiate sex, but we made love every time we were together I think she slept with someone and felt bad, because even after she broke up with me, she kept texting me. I finally had to cut it off , it started out she went out of town with her friends for three days when she came back she said she was sick for two weeks. I finally surprised her on Mother’s Day with some flowers. She kissed me said she loved me, but I could feel her disconnect like she’s really didn’t want to be there, even though she was showing affection , I wrote her letters we texted and I finally had to stop begging , I said I’m not her friend I want it to be more …sometimes you don’t realize how much you love someone until yhat that every day communication with them is gone. she used to text me 20 times a day to say she loved me and worried about me and cared for me , the way she seemingly turn off her feelings hurt so badly at my age now much worse than it did when I was a teenager and a high school girl I love dumped me . I have been divorced already seven years she was still going through a divorce I know she has different state of mind and maybe doesn’t feel the same feelings , I had to stop using Instagram because I don’t like to see her. I’m already talking to someone new and I feel like I’m just going through the motions because I miss this person so much. This is my contribution to this page. my heartbreak… I’ll be OK. I just don’t know when ..stay strong everyone.
    Love is amazing

  • ellis

    November 19th, 2023 at 3:50 PM

    these things may seem to be had for one to get over them but consider leaving everything behind and move on,with your life note this there’s always same one there waiting for you no matter how you I used to love her,I’ll get through it.

  • Victoria

    March 10th, 2024 at 5:33 PM

    I got dumped about 2 weeks ago. I’m 23, we hadn’t even hit a month together, and still I’ve never felt more broken than after this specific breakup. I understand that the reason I’m feeling the way I’m feeling is most likely because he left me out of the blue and I wasn’t ready for it. It also didn’t help that he moved on immediately and even found a new love interest. But I know the shock is slowly subsiding and the daze is getting numbed out with every day passing. The first day I lost my appetite and the days after I couldn’t do anything but sleep with occasional outbursts of crying that wouldn’t last longer than 10 seconds. Every time I’d calm my heart, my head would run rampant during my sleep and I’d have nightmares of him leaving me. And every time I’d calm my head my heart would pinch me until I couldn’t focus on anything else but the physical pain. I talked to friends, approached other men, talked to family and I’ve read up on how to heal. I can’t say any of it helped me, neither did reaching out to him when he clearly didn’t want anything to do with me anymore. After 5 days of not eating I couldn’t keep it together anymore and told him I can’t eat and that it hurts me finding out that he was already talking to a new girl. He responded with saying that he didn’t think I’d care and that frankly I was overwhelming him which is what he tried to avoid in the first place. Besides that he didn’t find it fair that I was blaming him for not being responsible of treating my own body. That’s when I said goodbye. I took every last bit of my dignity and left. It helped but the pain still haunts me. I wish he never told me I was the best woman he’s ever been with or that he didn’t want to lose me or for me to disappear from his life. He asked me to be friends but he wasn’t there for me when I was hurting because of how he treated me in the first place. Reading a lot made me realise that men go about their feelings different. They tend to suppress and try to fill the void with other women, they keep moving and don’t look back, and the pain usually hits them a lot later. Women on the other hand will go psychoanalyse every bit of the conversation until they come to understand exactly what he was feeling and how he’s feeling now to find closure in not having been led on. And from my own experience I can tell you there is rarely closure to find there, but understanding human behaviour and depersonalising it from your personal experience that’s where you can find real closure. For anyone who needs to hear this; You are enough, you didn’t do anything wrong and you most likely will find better. The pain just takes time. And talking to people and writing to yourself helps. Women tend to fall in love with voices, mannerism, the moral of a man, certain little behavioural ticks. Like the way he laughs and how it’s always the same. And until u can split the feeling from the action, it will be really hard to move on. But you’ll forget. And don’t force yourself to forgive until you’re completely ready. Breakups can be very humbling but that’s okay. You still have so much time to be the exact person you want to be, and you’ll do that for yourself not for any man. And to the men reading, I promise women will come along who won’t see you as an option but as the one. Just give people a chance.

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