Experiences of Depression: Irritability and Anger

GoodTherapy | Experiences of Depression: Irritability and AngerThis article is part of a series that explores the ways specific “clusters” of depression symptoms manifest to create different experiences of depression. The previous article in this series discussed the hopeless experience.

The irritable or angry experience of depression is often not recognized as depression, either by the person who experiences it or by those around then. For the person experiencing this kind of depression, the people around them may seem disappointing, irritating, or intolerable, and the depressed person may feel as emotionally uncomfortable as someone with severe poison oak feels physically. They may feel very frustrated that they can’t get the people who seem to be causing their suffering to change. People around the angry or irritable depressed person may see them as mean, angry, or a bully. It may not even occur to onlookers that this person could be depressed.

Irritability and Anger in Men and Women

I believe men and women may express this experience differently. Many men feel a great deal of pressure not to cry or express vulnerability, so when they get depressed, anger can be a more acceptable way to experience the emotional pain they’re feeling. Men may also feel more pressure to not feel anything, and so turn to drugs and alcohol when they’re in emotional pain to try to numb themselves. So while we associate crying with depression, men may not cry and yet be just as depressed as those who do. I believe this is the main reason women are diagnosed with depression nearly twice as often as men are: many men who are depressed aren’t getting the help they need.

When men are depressed and express it as anger, violence, or addiction, the consequences may further distract from getting the help they need. These consequences can be extreme, like jail or chasing a high, but they may also take the form of loneliness and isolation after alienating people. Self-hate may grow inside as depression festers, and the consequences of anger create more and more to hate.

Women are certainly not immune to experiencing depression as anger. Often in women it comes out as irritability, particularly with their children. This too may go undetected because sometimes, only their children see it, and children rarely call a therapist for their mother.

How Anger Manifests

There are two types of anger:

  1. One is a response to something hurtful or unfair happening to or around the person who feels angry.
  2. The other is a protection against feeling something more vulnerable.

When someone has been abused or traumatized, they certainly have reason to be angry and often don’t have a chance to express it when the trauma occurs. So anger may linger as a symptom of posttraumatic stress or may become incorporated into a person’s personality over time. When that happens, people feel angry a great deal of the time, and the anger isn’t just anger anymore—it becomes a way of life. It’s probable the anger develops this way in order to protect the person from further abuse and from the painful feelings of sadness, hurt, and fear that were also a part of the traumatic experience.

Classic examples of depression expressed as anger include veterans who come home from combat with the experiences of terror of imminent death, sadness from losing friends who were killed, and systematic emotional training to channel all these feelings into anger, revenge, and warfare. Coming home with all of this, it’s not hard to understand why a veteran would be depressed, or why they would express it through domestic violence, picking fights, or even just caustic cynicism. Police officers can have a similar experience, as can people who grow up with angry or sadistic parents who repeatedly abuse them. Even people whose parents used them for their own needs, without concern for their child’s emotional needs, may carry chronic anger that covers the hurt, sadness, and fear.

The Roots of Anger and Depression

In fact, anger almost always covers or is accompanied by hurt, sadness, or fear. When anger is helpfully expressed and begins to resolve, it almost always dissolves into tears and more vulnerable feelings. Usually, as long as a person sticks with the anger, they are stuck in the depression.

One way to look at this is that “frozen” feelings are often at the root of depression. Someone who feels and/or expresses only anger probably has frozen hurt, fear, shame, guilt, or sadness. Someone who never feels or expresses anger may have frozen anger. In either case, the person may be depressed and suffering and probably will continue to suffer until their frozen feelings are safely unlocked, expressed, and resolved.

While feelings of anger caused by depression can feel overwhelming, the support of a therapist helps many people work through these feelings and address their depression in a healthy way. Start here to find a therapist near you who can help.

© Copyright 2011 by Cynthia W. Lubow, MS, MFT. All Rights Reserved. Permission to publish granted to GoodTherapy.org.

The preceding article was solely written by the author named above. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. Questions or concerns about the preceding article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment below.

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  • Delilah

    October 10th, 2011 at 4:04 PM

    I never think of depression manifesting itself like this. I always think of someone all sad and mopey, and not functioning but with so much anger. I am sure that a lot of these people who experience depression like this go around feeling very misunderstood and like there is nothing that can be done to ease their symptoms. And it is critical that they find a therapist who has seen this before in patients and can give them some direction with how to end the anger and to get past the depression. There has to be some very useful tools available to help them do that.

  • ANNA

    October 16th, 2017 at 4:31 PM

    I have to say that I developed clinical depression (post-partum) & didn’t ever feel particularly sad. I was irritable & had been irritable for a long time. It was very HARD WORK to be nice to people. I truly thought (& said) that I had a low tolerance for stupid people. It was only when I thought that my family would be better off without me that I realized that I needed help. Once I was on a therapeutic dose of anti-depressants, I could NOT BELIEVE how much better I felt!! I now am much better able to recognize symptoms that could possibly be related to anxiety or depression….

  • Sharon

    January 27th, 2020 at 2:10 PM

    You, along with Ms. Cynthia, have made some groundbreaking points for a long-time sufferer of anxiety, depression & ptsd. “Nobody knows the trouble I’ve seen. Nobody knows my sorrow.” But, after happening up on this article today, solely God’s doing, I aim to get more counselling & finding more positive ways to redirect my anger without shouting and pushing everybody away.

  • Amoeba

    October 10th, 2011 at 9:40 PM

    Being nice to people spreads positivity and joy. Bring abusive to and bullying people will only make them change and become just like the perpetrator and it is the spread of negativity. Both are possible to spread and it is unto us to choose. We can spread positivity and make a change or spread negativity and contribute our bit to corrupt the world even more.

  • Carol

    October 9th, 2016 at 1:08 AM

    What a narrow minded person you are. Give me the name of any sort of treatment for this type of depression and I will happily make the choice between joy and aggression in your favour. My depression doesn’t allow me that choice currently and it is killing me.

  • Dave R

    August 14th, 2017 at 8:30 AM

    I agree with you! Telling someone to just feel good and spread joy is not an answer that works, at least not for me. But I am interested in the comment made about breaking down or getting rid of those frozen anger thoughts.

  • joe mamma

    October 24th, 2016 at 6:37 PM

    Man, so simple… how did we not know this?! And how did modern science totally overlook this easy formula for curing depression? Sarcasm HEAVILY intended of course.. Before you start handing out terrible advice, think for a second..
    I agree with Carol, and it is for this same reason that veterans come home and commit suicide. If only we would have known that spreading positivity around the globe was the answer for Joe Combat Veteran, we would have been able to cure the suicide rate (which I think is/was around 1 suicide every 65 minutes at the time of this article). Or wait, was it because he/she spread hate that they were ultimately killed by ‘karma’?
    Such simplistic world views, void of empathy and sympathy, must be really nice. I hope ‘karma’ views it the same for you, when you enter into a new, harder, challenging, family member dies, you lose your job, etc phase of life that no longer subscribes to YOUR views, and dishes out it’s own plate of irony for you to feast on.
    I truly hope you don’t taste depression, because you are completely unequipped to do anything about it.

  • gen

    November 17th, 2016 at 7:30 AM

    Golden! I appreciate this comment because so many people in my life r so similarly simple minded and I’m have a rough time managing anger due to PTSD .. i hate the anger but it seems to have anchored itself in my life. i dont know what to do and i cant find a way to make myself change.. its ruining me and i dont want to be an angry mum or partner anymore but im trapped in this cognitive behavior of destruction

  • Nina

    January 13th, 2017 at 10:54 PM

    You have my agreement!

  • leah

    October 25th, 2017 at 12:05 PM

    Amoeba, you said something about spread joy be happy. man do i wish that you even knew how people with depression actually feel and go through. I cant remember the last time I felt joy or was truely happy. I barely sleep but want to sleep all the time, I push away those that I love, I want to die but dont want to kill myself I just feel like Im better off dead. I get angry for feeling the way I feel and wish that some “prescription drug” could make me feel better but guess what they leave me feeling even more like a zombie than I already do. So go spread your joy somewhere else. We cant just be happy although ive mastered putting on a show that im fine and happy. Your ignorance about depression amuses me though.

  • Bluegill

    November 7th, 2017 at 12:01 PM

    Well said…. and I have these EXACT same feelings!

  • Aid

    August 6th, 2018 at 6:48 AM

    I hear you. I feel exactly the same. I read something not so long ago that hit me and felt true…which was ‘my body is fighting to survive when my brain just wants to die’ in my head i changed body with spirit. My feelings are the same as yours, almost every word. I hope soon enough (if you havent already) that you can find yourself again, and be the human you want to be. I thought i had…seems not! All the best, Aid x

  • Naomi.L

    October 11th, 2011 at 12:01 AM

    You may be depressed but as long as I was not the cause I am not going to take any anger from your side. You’re depressed and I’d love to help but by being full of rage you are only repelling any possible help from my side!

  • Jennifer C

    May 26th, 2017 at 7:02 AM

    My husband was so full of negativity anger from his childhood he couldn’t even stand himself he committed suicide its all irrational thinking that caused him to take his life he couldn’t or didn’t want to fix it

  • Aid

    August 6th, 2018 at 6:52 AM

    100% couldnt. Not didnt want to. No human being doesnt want to heal themselves. Its a hurdle that is to hard to jump, even by someone that seems like the strongest person. Thats what depression is. A mental illness / blockage that you cant find a way out of x

  • Matt K

    October 22nd, 2019 at 5:20 PM

    this has been such an eye opener.
    I ve married to someone with depression for ten years.
    we have an eight year old son.
    Ive had an eye opening event taking place as we speak.
    Whats the next step ?

  • Josie Rae

    October 11th, 2011 at 4:17 PM

    So now people with anger management problems are just going to turn around and blame depression for their problem? I am not saying this is not valid- but I am saying that it can’t be used as an excuse for you to go around being angry at others all of the time and taking out that frustration on those who have nothing to do with where that anger stems from. It really is a whole lot easier to be kind than to be so snarky all of the time.

  • Arlene

    May 5th, 2013 at 2:19 AM

    You need to go back and read the article! And should Thank God you are obviously not going through depression and hopefully never will.

  • Amela

    October 1st, 2016 at 5:47 PM

    Hear hear Arlene, clinical depression is terrible, I suffered on and off for years with it where I was almost incapacitated by it and never angry. I am now going through a faze where for no apparent reason I fly into the most awful rages and a light bulb moment has happened after reading these articles I am depressed again with new symptoms. I don’t wish I’ll on anyone but a bit of empathy wouldn’t go amiss. Would these unbelievers say that diabetes and epilepsy isn’t a condition. Well I say to these people ‘wake up’ your brain is part of your body and gets sick like the rest of it don’t be so ignorant !!! Take care Arlene from someone who does understand xxx

  • wendy

    October 9th, 2016 at 1:39 PM

    I am seldom an angry person, but when my depression starts to rise, I find myself easily short tempered, primarily with my inability to repress it or to keep things under some sort of control. Because inevitibly people tell you that you are not depressed you have some sort of anger management problem. I don’t blame my depression for my problems I accept that I have no control over the gut wrenching feelings that make me hate myself and hate others who don’t want to take the time to TRY and understand and stop blaming me.

  • Mark

    October 10th, 2016 at 2:55 PM

    Hi Wendy, I have read a lot of these postings and feel you comment is the closest thing to what I’m going through and feeling. Can you tell me what you have found in the way of dealing with this? I’m just now looking into this and trying to figure out what I can do to improve my situation.

  • Veejou

    May 6th, 2017 at 11:35 AM

    I feel the same exact way. I am trapped in a loop of feeling guilty for the way I behave and finding no support (understanding) on people (I don’t have a support system). I already know is my fault, I already know I am the only one who can fix this and I already feel like I’m worthless; people’s insensitivity make things worse. When I feel at my worst I google threads like these, because knowing someone, somewhere is having the same difficulty coping with things similar as mine, at least makes me feel human.

  • Taldaran

    April 24th, 2017 at 11:30 AM

    This comes in the guise of being frustrated and angry and sad and hopeless at the same time, so many people around you are totally wrapped up in their shallow, self serving excuse for an existence and judge by their delusions and expect everyone else to be just as superficial as they are. It is a feeling of dejection and impotence we have because nothing we say or do in protest will get through to them. Better to just stay quiet. It would be fine to be able to let it all go and not to attach to those feelings, but that is why so many opt for a monastic lifestyle. They have to physically separate themselves from the rest of the world to find some kind of peace.

  • Cynthia Lubow, MFT

    November 17th, 2011 at 7:59 PM

    Very good point, all. Being depressed does not give anyone license to be abusive, nor should anyone excuse or accept abusive behavior, regardless of it’s origin. Moreover, most people who bully or abuse feel bad about themselves for doing it, and relieved when someone stops them. Taking abuse doesn’t do anyone any good. People who experience depression this way are certainly suffering, and need help, but our compassion for that doesn’t negate the need to protect ourselves and set limits, so that we aren’t targets for the misery. We must simultaneously have compassion for the angry sufferer and absolutely do whatever it takes to protect ourselves from them.

  • Emily G

    November 7th, 2016 at 9:32 AM

    Hear hear. My dad suffers from this kind of depression, he didn’t get diagnosed yet alone treated until I was 25 (I’m 30), and I, as the ‘family f**k-up’, was his favorite emotional punching bag. I wish we’d known a lot earlier about this sort of depression, it’d have spared me a lot of pain.

  • Jordan

    February 4th, 2017 at 2:29 AM

    I decided to research this tonight and I am so thankful to have found this thread…
    I am a 33 year old female who has been diagnosed with (MDD) Major Depressive Disorder, PTSD, Major Anxiety Disorder and (BPD) Borderline Personality Disorder…I have also had other diagnoses but later (the meds gave me the opposite effects) and psychiatrists say these diagnoses fit better.
    I just like many of you have gone through numerous loss and pain and it is affecting my relationships (friends, dates, employers, family and roommates)…you name it.
    I feel like whenever something starts to go good in my life I screw it up. (Self Sabotage) I feel this is due to having a wall up that I push everyone away before they can leave or hurt me.
    It has been so bad that on numerous occasions I have contemplated committing myself to a hospital. Suicidal? Half hearted attempts and cutting only because I’m waiting for a few years for my 2 girls to come back to me.
    I try my hardest to not to say hurtful things, and I’m good about not doing that. When I get angry or feel like I’m losing control is when I feel I need to stick up for my feelings and/or explain myself. It’s when I feel put down or rejected.
    The last time I had an outburst was 2 nights ago I was hanging out having fun with a guy I was seeing and something came up that wasn’t something I could control, and it was an intimate issue that I’ve been dealing with for most of my life. I ended up screaming at the top of my lungs…I love you now get the f*** out of my house!!! Needless to say we aren’t seeing each other anymore. I hate myself for it but I brought it on myself…
    That being said for months I have been feeling more and more frustrated and irritable and have been meaning to get back on some medication. I have been seeing an MFT for 3+ years and it helps but I still dig myself into these holes and my life feels cursed.
    All of this being said I an a very nice person partially I feel thats why I get upset sometimes because people take my kindness for weakness…
    Sorry I know this is a bit long but I lost a very wonderful, loving, depressed man (he expressed his feelings emotionally by yelling and saying hurtful things) I loved 2 years ago because he felt so alone. He would give anybody the shirt off his back but when he needed something, no one came through…they didn’t have much. On top of that he was seeing a girl who would fight with him and was unfaithful. 3 months after she moved in he committed suicide fighting with her…
    I partially blame myself because I wasn’t there. I was with him for 4 years and knew him for 8. I tried to help and had him go through couples counseling with me. I ended up leaving him due to his anger…I couldn’t have my children in that situation when they came back. He or I were not physically abusive but we were either screaming together or he was screaming and I would cry. Usually when I screamed at him, I didn’t feel heard or ignored and when I’d cry was when I didn’t know what I did wrong.
    Depression can manifest its self in many ways…now can we control it? I feel we can do what we can by preventing outbursts and knowing our triggers, taking a ‘time out’, using our depression/sadness energy as a source of motivation to do better and be able to be ourselves and we all make mistakes…we just have to try to fix or mend it anyway that we can…and know that through all that we have been through, we are still here.
    I hope this post isn’t too much and that it’s easy to understand…I tend to jump around with my feelings.
    Thank you.

  • Faker2Maker

    October 28th, 2017 at 6:28 PM

    @Jordan – I love your courage and I can relate to losing a friend to suicide! I love everyone’s vulnerability here and just ignore the immature trolls. This thread makes me feel I’m on the inside after almost 5 decades of anger and fear. I am such a hard person to get along with and, all my life, I’ve met lots of good friends and slowly realize I ruin the relationships. I can be so mean, cynical, judgemental, afraid – I’m a f*&^in lunatic!
    I need some quality SSRIs….

  • Paula G.

    June 10th, 2018 at 7:04 AM

    My daughter has always been a angry kid. I don’t know what’s been going on. She is now 20 and she often calls me crying especially when she had a lot of drinks. Every time I turn around she’s calling me crying especially on the weekend when she’s out of town or something. Last night she called me from out of town saying this guy won’t call her back and she don’t know what’s wrong with her because she can’t find a boy friend like her friends. Earlier in the week she called me and told me her boss told her basically that she was a mean girl and she’s not very friendly. Not in so many words though. She sometimes calls me and cries when she’s drunk saying she doesn’t have any friends. She went to see a therapist once, but never went back. I feel like she might become she might do something to herself. She also feels like that she’s never good at anything.

  • Sully

    April 25th, 2017 at 5:03 AM

    i don’t know if its normal or not to be passive-aggressive about being emotionally abused and having reckless behavior can someone please help

  • jan

    August 8th, 2012 at 12:19 PM

    I think it might be easy to confuse people who have a lack of impulse control, with respect to anger, and those who are genuinely depressed who express their depression by being angry. I don’t think it is helpful to place both in the same category.

  • wendy

    October 10th, 2016 at 5:50 PM

    The problem for me is not a “choice of expression” it just happens. It bursts out like popped balloon. I have been working on this for over 30 years. Sure I can tell when I am feeling bad and starting to feel irritable. My best guess is that I am about to be at the point of no return. But I wouldn’t call any part of my illness a choice to express. I have severe MDD (Major Depressive Disorder) and it sucks. I have tried to tell family “ok, this is really bothering me, I gotta bow right now. We can talk about this later”. When that person persists in wanting answers or following me around or whatever I realize I have to leave the situation … often physically or tell them to leave. Usually after that, I cry …. a release of emotions … sometimes I have hurt myself physically — hitting — but now resort to crying to let it all go. I also started writing and talking. Hence I am here. I hate that angry hateful part … but I have no control as people seem to insist. Please believe me when I have to stop and pick it all up later. If anyone has control, it will be the person who continues to pursue my lack of control.

  • Rebecca

    August 18th, 2018 at 4:48 PM

    I feel i have had depression for a very long time basically all my life it seems i have been battling aomethinh inside that keeps me angry towarda the one i love disappointed or lack of interest. It comes and goes soemtimes im happy but it quickly fades as if somethings always going wrong. Im 21 married to my high school sweet heart and have a 2 year old daughter. I want to seek help but am kinda embarrassed my husband doesnt seek to understand just says im always snappy and that somethings got to change but idk how. It takes everything i have to get up and make dinner and other days i can thro on music and the house is spotless. But the attitude and anger i have is really un called for but iant controll it for instance i can wake up in a good mood but okce i get up and aay theres dishes in the sink i turn to my husband and go off and it sets him in a bad mood the rest of the day or my 2 year old running thro the house i find my self yellin at her to sit down and be quiet and after i feel horrible because she is just a child and shes just playin. I wish i knew how to control this because it is affecting me everyday now. I have social anxiety so i dont have friends or anyone to rely on for conversation. Everyone in my family just calls me a b**** and says i need to get over thingsand that its just life but i fele like its more then that. Ive changed jobs 6 times the year already becaus ei cant hold one longer then a month because when the depression hits i just dont want to get out of bed i cant think straight its emotionally draining when i do go to work when i get off all i want to do is sleep but at night i get no sleep cuz its like my mind wont cut off. Idk but i feel i have rambled enough. Just wnated to tell somebody something.

  • The GoodTherapy.org Team

    August 18th, 2018 at 5:41 PM

    Hi, Rebecca. Thank you for sharing your comment. If you would like to consult with a mental health professional, please feel free to return to our homepage, http://www.goodtherapy.org/, and enter your zip code into the search field to find therapists in your area. If you’re looking for a counselor that practices a specific type of therapy, or who deals with specific concerns, you can make an advanced search by clicking here: http://www.goodtherapy.org/advanced-search.html

    Once you enter your information, you’ll be directed to a list of therapists and counselors who meet your criteria. From this list you can click to view our members’ full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information. Alternatively, you are welcome to call us for assistance finding a therapist. We are in the office Monday through Friday from 8 a.m. to 4 p.m. Pacific Time; our phone number is 888-563-2112 ext. 1.

    If you are experiencing a life-threatening emergency, in danger of hurting yourself or others, feeling suicidal, overwhelmed, or in crisis, it’s very important that you get immediate help! Information about what to do in a crisis is available here: http://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html

  • Scott

    September 30th, 2018 at 11:22 PM

    I am exactly the same way, Rebecca. I have a good job where I make 3 times the average income for my area and only work 3 1/2 days a week, so I have lots of time to recoup. I have an amazing wife who has put up with a lot over the years. 4 kids who haven’t really given me any major problems. Yet, I am the most irritable, hateful person. I don’t understand it. I have been treated for depression for most of my adult life with different meds, therapy, but the one common thread through it all is my anger. Examples are people driving or walking slow, asking a question when the answer is right in front of them. I just wanna go up to them, slap them on the back of the head and say “are you frickin stupid or something” or “you wanna get out of my way, you may not be in any hurry to get somewhere, but I am”. I am short with my family, I mean God forbid anyone talks because I find it annoying. Anyone in my family asks me a question or beckons for me, they’re a pain in the ***. Why, I don’t know and don’t understand why I am this way. Coworkers think I can be an ******* sometimes, but have no problem asking me to help them when they need something. I am going to the doctor tomorrow to see what other meds may help, as what I am on now hasnt seemed to help. Maybe Ive just been through enough stuff in my life that its just made me a mean and hateful person, I dont know. But if this persists I am gonna end up pushing my family away.

  • Cynthia Lubow, MFT

    August 8th, 2012 at 10:27 PM

    Yes, anger can have many meanings and origins, depression is just one of them. Would you care to say more about your thoughts about this Jan?

  • LIL

    November 7th, 2012 at 2:03 PM

    Some of you also need to think carefully about your responses. People who suffer from depression with irritability/mood swings, like myself, work highly stressful jobs and have chronic medical conditions that sometimes inhibit the healthy “emotional purging” process. It’s also aggravating to have a partner/spouse who always wants to know how you feel, when at times, you don’t know what you feel. Apathy, emptiness are two things that are experienced, as well as confusion as to the regards of the direction that their life/job needs to take- and should take. Depressed/anger sufferers aren’t always abusive so it’s rather judgmental call to lump them all into one category when there’s more to these people than just depression/anger/irritability. Jobs and family life play a heavy part in the picture, as well. They are also not all bullies. In fact, a lot are just trying to find their way, figure out their life and battle these conditions for the rest of their lives. It’s a constant struggle- just like drug and alcohol addiction. Just a pov for some of you to chew on….

  • scott

    September 30th, 2018 at 11:28 PM

    Lil, I agree. I work at job where you always have to put on the happy face. What I perceive as stupidity, just irritates me to the point of wanting to tell them what I think, but I CANT, and that leads to feeling even angrier or more hateful. I have outlets that help me unwind, I like to fish, bowl, I play in a band, but when I am out in public or at work the anger and hate comes right back.

  • Laura

    November 13th, 2012 at 11:02 AM

    Most of the comments here seem to be from people who have no idea what depression is like — certainly no personal experience of it. To blithely say that all you need to do is “spread positivity” shows a real lack of understanding.

    I really appreciated this article. Although the anger/depression connection is mostly discussed in reference to men, I am a woman who has struggled with both my entire life.

    I have hidden my anger issues from therapists, because anger is so unacceptable in women and because I’m so ashamed of my outbursts and the hurt they have caused. I was only half-conscious that this anger could be due to other “frozen” feelings.

    Thank you for a well-written, informative article.

  • rachel

    May 23rd, 2017 at 11:02 AM

    Thank you, Laura. I, too, have hidden my anger from my therapist. Much of my depression stems from intense social anxiety, which seems to be a common thread here. I feel inhibited by all my interactions with other people, with their expectations and their willingness or unwillingness to help me or at least ignore me, and I just don’t feel comfortable placing that trust with someone like a doctor. I know it’s their job, but I just feel too vulnerable for that. I guess I can see why a person not suffering from depression would think I’m just not trying, like some other commenters. But it’s because my depression makes me feel like my choices are inconsequential, like I’ll never feel better. I am asking myself the same questions they are asking: Why can’t I just tryharder? Why can’t I just feel better and get better!? If only they knew I am more frustrated with and disappointed in myself than they ever could be. “A prison of shame.”

  • Carol

    November 19th, 2012 at 2:17 AM

    This article was really helpful to me. I am also female and have had three episodes of depression, all of which started with irritability and I didn’t realise at the time that’s what it was. I did suffer trauma in my early years, (not intentional but through my parents’ ignorance). I also identify really strongly with the passage “or even parents who use them for their own needs without concern for their child’s emotional needs may carry chronic anger that covers the hurt, sadness and fear.” It’s the first time I’ve seen such a description but it fits my own experience perfectly.
    I’m not a bully, I’m not violent. My irritability triggers strong anxiety and I can barely function when that kicks in.
    I’ve bookmarked this page so that I can refer back to it for reassurance when things get difficult.

  • felicia

    December 8th, 2012 at 12:08 PM

    I think this article is very accurate. I am a female who suffers with irritability, anger, isolation & depression which worsens in the winter months. I had an abusive childhood & still wonder if 20 yrs later I could still be suffering the effects of it. This article shows that maybe I could be.

  • Cailin

    December 17th, 2012 at 3:17 PM

    I am with LIL, Laura, Carol and felicia. I have struggled with this since my teenage years. Poor impulse control conveys to a range of feelings and behaviors, not just angry ones, and that is the distinction.

    For the first time just this past weekend after years and years of seeing psychotherapists and taking anti-depressants, a psychiatric NP diagnosed the irritability as something else, something caused not just by depression but also anxiety. I do not think of myself as anxious but after going through the signs and symptoms I realized that a diagnosis of generalized anxiety disorder fit. So, now I am going to include treatment for that for the first time, but at least I know that this is not my fault and I am not some sort of bad person because of it, or that I did not try hard enough.

  • Carol

    December 18th, 2012 at 1:51 AM

    It ends up being a double whammy for you Cailin. Like me, you get the irritability from both sides and the problem is then perpetuated in a vicious circle. Let’s hope you can make some progress now that you can see another route.

  • donna

    January 27th, 2013 at 5:02 PM

    I have struggled with depression for years.
    mild depression with chronic pain.
    I had extreme stress and finally cracked under the strain.
    During this time my depression became severe.
    My doctor wanted to try another drug for pain so we had to wean 2 antidepressants to try it (couldn’t mix the drugs).
    One was for pain and worked so well.
    Weaning me off 2 a.d. took me into hell.
    I had the most painful depression – horrible.
    I have never been the same since.
    I went back on my old medications-the endep worked great again for pain.
    The a.d. didn’t work.

    I am on lexapro-only 20mg.
    From the start I have been agitated, irritable and angry.
    felt like I was on speed!
    It is not my personality.
    You’ll adjust they said.
    Still angry, irritable.
    I dont snap at people I love, but I cant handle other people.
    I dont like being with other people.
    I have zero tolerance.
    Anyone have these symptoms?

    I can see how men and women might show depression thru anger etc.
    Of course it doesn’t apply to abusive people-they’re just abusers.
    thanks Donna

  • Sharnlynne

    December 22nd, 2016 at 6:30 PM

    I feel the same, I have no tolerance for people. So many bad things have happened in my life starting in my childhood that people make me sick and I sometimes cant get away from them fast enough. This has led to depression, anger, poor decisions, sinful decisions and isolation. I have no energy; physical or mental. I think I suffer from PTS syndrome.

  • Georgette

    March 23rd, 2013 at 12:38 PM

    Thank you, ladies, for taking the time to tell a bit of your stories. I, too, am a woman dealing with depression and rage. It is somewhat of a relief to know that this also affects women. I can relate to you, Donna. Only difference is that chronic pain isn’t in my symptom picture. I’m always angry. If not visibly, it’s just below the surface. Sadly, I find myself snapping at the ones I care about as well as anyone else. That is usually followed by feeling bad about the outbursts. If I had a short fuse I’d be doing great, but I’m explosive… And I CAN’T control it. So I isolate myself. Largely because there is no one there to set me off. I know about having zero tolerance, about not wanting to be around other people, being unable to handle being around people. I’m at the beginning of the treatment road. Thank you all for taking the time to share, it’s a relief to know that being a “bitch” for the rest of my life may not be my destiny. If only it were as easy as “spreading kindness, love and positive thoughts”. I hope those practices work for you, Amoeba. I also hope you never know this personal hell. Holding hands and singing “Kumbaya” isn’t a very effective approach. Comments based in ignorance reflect your lack of understanding.

  • margaret

    March 23rd, 2013 at 11:35 PM

    I knew that my anger issues were somehow tied to my depression, but I didn’t know that this is a “thing”.
    What I do know is that I am not always like this. I seem to cycle into it and then get out; as I think about this more. I really wish I knew what might help. If anyone has had experience with successes please let me know.
    I end up ruining friendships and creating awkward situations that make me wish I could be swallowed up by the floor. I feel like I need to get a new job because I am increasingly creating rifts. It’s getting bad, but I am not highly employable and can not afford to go without working. My doseage has recently been increased but it doesn’t seem to be helping. I hate who I am.

  • sam

    March 24th, 2013 at 7:11 AM

    I highly recommend seeing a chiropractor to make sure you do not have a misalignment that is impeding the proper flow of energy throughout your body. I had spinal subluxation or a reverse curve of the spine. I suffered with anxiety, hypertension, depression and anger for years. I tried all sorts of alternative and western healing modalities. Finally I saw a professional who knew what he was doing and he took x rays of my neck and found that I had a reverse curve which was putting an incredible amount of strain on my central nervous system. We worked over two years to reverse the curve but even early on in my treatment I noticed an incredible settling of my nerves. Everything was positively affected: my outlook, emotion, thoughts, ability to put forth energy in my life, digestion, even. Now I have the energy to jog and stretch regularly. Combined with eating whole foods I truly feel like a new person with a new potential for life. My feelings toward others have become incredibly more gentle and appropriate.

    Look for a chiropractor who has extensive post graduate experience.

  • Don

    March 24th, 2013 at 9:33 AM

    Thank you for this :-)

  • Katina

    June 4th, 2013 at 7:38 AM

    Thank you for this article and thank you all for sharing. I also have anger and irritability with my depression and as a woman, it is not acceptable. I can relate to many of the ladies here. As someone else mentioned, I can cycle in and out but it’s always right on the surface. I isolate myself too because I simply can’t stand being around other people. They just drive me insane. I have a tendency to really take it out on boyfriends. The slightest thing they do can send me in a tizzy when I’m symptomatic. My doctor prescribed meds but I don’t want to get stuck on that cycle so I’m simply trying to deal with lifestyle changes first and then some new coping skills. If all else fails, I will try meds but I have to be prayerful about that. Thank you all for sharing.

  • Adrian

    June 10th, 2013 at 8:11 AM

    This is a great article and mirrors my situation. I have been depressed for years because of the state of my marriage as basically since we had kids over 9 years ago we have not had sex and it was sporadic before. This led to me being depressed and frequently angry with my wife as she was dismissive of this part of the relationship missing.

    To cut a long story short this peaked again at Christmas and led to me assaulting my wife and 3 other women (my daughter from my first marriage and 2 of her friends) when they tried to protect my wife. I was arrested and charged and eventually my lawyers managed to get the charge down to one of common assault and so for the first time in 54 years I was in trouble with the law.

    My depression then really kicked in and I was so suicidal and depressed I was sent to a secure mental health unit at first by self-referral but I was told in no uncertain terms that if I hadn’t done that I would have been forcibly detained under the Mental Health Act (Sectioned).

    Depression in men is awful as we tend to disguise it and probably the number of men who suffer from it is on a par with women however because of our machismo and the expectations of society we do not always seek appropriate treatment until something like what happened to me occurs.

  • Cynthia Lubow, MFT

    June 10th, 2013 at 10:11 AM

    Very nicely described, Adrian. I’m so sorry all this happened. Are you getting help for your depression and anger now?

  • Adrian

    June 11th, 2013 at 1:09 AM

    Hi Cynthia

    I have just finished weekly care under a Community Psychiatric team. Currently I am about to start a course of cognitive psychotherapy and I am also attending a self-help group for abusers called ADAPT which I am finding very useful as it would seem that I am literally not alone – it is male only at present but the majority of us seem to be bottlers and we are not serial abusers rather we have had one off explosions caused by repressing our feelings – as I said I have found it very helpful. The course is 30 weeks long and I have attended for 6 weeks at present. The link to the originators is her as you may find it useful in the United States: hamptontrust.org.uk/our-programmes/adapt/

    Best wishes


  • mischa

    June 26th, 2013 at 8:06 AM

    I really appreciate the perspectives given from Georgette and a few others. Just “thinking” happy thoughts or even going to a therapist does not change this way of feeling. Unless you suffer from this you have no idea how it feels; distracting oneself, exercise, eating better doesn’t always work or they are only temporary fixes.

    It is awful to feel angry, out of control, and have irritabiity all the time and then after outbursts the shame that comes on. I have no interest in subjegating myself to more useless antidepressants that do not help but rather mask these feelings.

    I understand the origin, and how it becomes ingrained in daily behaviour and coping mechanisms. But intellectually this doesn’t help either in the moment when all I want to scream. So like others I isolate myself so as not to do further damage. Sadly one cannot keep a job or relationship this way…

    I came across this forum and appreciate some of the thoughts here, but have to say I am so very tired of the blanket and mainstream “do this do that, be this be that” ideas. Doesn’t anyone have anything that is truly original and helpful?

  • Todd

    July 8th, 2013 at 12:23 PM

    I’m a man for whom this article is spot on. I have suffered from MDD and PTSD for years and I have learned that anger and irritability are important elements of the illness and , as such, need to be better understood by friends and relatives as well as the patient. Only then can the deep healing and support necessary to curtail the illness occur.

    One of the most painful aspects of the illness is my knowledge that I am not the same person I once was and the frustration of not being able to magically dissolve illness. It really hurts when friends and relatives fail to know (or don’t want to know) the reasons behind the anger. This article provides a much needed explanation of this dynamic.

  • Paula A

    August 8th, 2013 at 2:24 PM

    I can also relate to this article. For me, the cycle starts with massive stress/pressure at work. I buckle down but I really want people to leave me alone so I can get my work done without chit chat or any other new tasks being added to the pile. So I seem “hostile” – though I see it as being efficient. My ex-husband saw this stress manifest as just “anger” but when I’d try to talk about it he would tell me to change careers or start a long story about how his old job was so much worse (one-upmanship).

    When someone is overwhelmed and angry about their workload or ridiculous deadlines, they are NOT in the mindset to go find a new job. And I made most of our household income so without my paycheck we would lose everything.

    I know that when I was angry or frustrated that I wasn’t the easiest person to love, but I also know most of the pain I felt was that no one cared or appreciated how hard I worked. At those times is when I needed to hear something supportive like, “Wow, you have so much on your plate. You work so hard, you deserve a break. As soon as this is over I want to take you to dinner / to the ocean for a day.”

  • Betsy

    January 13th, 2017 at 5:05 AM


  • Irene

    October 6th, 2013 at 2:35 AM


    You are so right, what is it we can do?! does anyone have a response that does not involve a.d.??? I am in such a horrible place right now, I am such a miserable person all day, nothing makes me happy, I look at my children – they are angels and I am afraid I am the one that gives them all the bad signals instead of smiles and compassion……who am I suppose to see? what am I suppose to take? how can I fix myself to the person I am dreaming to be?

  • Natalina

    October 29th, 2013 at 2:08 PM

    So , I am 15 years of age and I am always depressed. I can never seem to stay happy. I smile and have happy moments, but other than that all I do is hurt everyone around me weather it’s from the things I say, or it’s just because I wont talk to them. I believe my depression and anger comes from the tragedies I have encountered during my early child hood. I don’t know what else to do, I really don’t want to feel this way, especially because it is not just affecting me, but it’s affecting the relationships with my family and friends. All I do is go to school and come home and sit in my house all day and at 15 I know that that can not be healthy. Does anyone have any advice? What should I do? How should I feel? I do not want to have to resort to medicine in order to maintain my emotional being. I want to be able to control the way I feel, I want to be able to feel like a teenager, and act like one at that. I just want to be happy again…. If anyone has any advice PLEASE HELP! …
    Thank you..

  • Elise

    March 23rd, 2014 at 8:40 PM

    Hi Hun,

    I am just now seeing your post and want to encourage you to tell your parent(s) about this and/or your doctor. You deserve to feel good and to be able to live life cheerfully. I totally get what you are saying because I experience this myself and I’m much older. There is absolutely no shame in having therapy or meds if needed and your primary care physician can help you with this. Best wishes for a happy and fulfilling life ahead. : )

  • Cynthia Lubow, MFT

    October 29th, 2013 at 4:43 PM


    There is treatment for the symptoms, like depression, that come from childhood trauma. EMDR is a great one, and psychotherapy in general should help you resolve this and feel like other teens. Can you see a therapist?


  • Darkness

    November 16th, 2016 at 12:29 AM

    Cynthia Lubow i don’t have the money to go see a therapist, and i have been hurt so badly over the years as well as the way i was raised and also i don’t do well with people one on one, i have tryed to reach out well…forever…no one ever wants to hear or belive me, everyone thinks its in my head or its not as bad as it really is, thats what other people say to me, im more used to people looking bored or rolling there eyes at me, they want to spend more time telling me what i went threw and i was the one there and they wasn’t, they wasn’t in my life at all they have no idea, so i spend more time trying to reach out and explain but geting no where and just told that i should just move on and let it go, but what i went threw…most would of broke…i can’t say for sure how much i might need pills but i do know that the stuff bothering me can’t be fixed by happy pills to turn me in to a addict and like the 15 year old said i would rather find a way to deal with it rather then be on drugs, drugs won’t fix my problems because in short i have a story that could be told for years of how much i went threw but if this tells you anything, i had to talk my mother out of killing me when i was younger and she told me almost everyday of my life she truely deepy wished i was dead, my father told me how worthless i was all the time and that a person only had the right to exist if they made money, i wasn’t even a planned child, i was the condom broke one, they hated each other greatly and hated me worst because of it, i raised my self as a child and up untill my husband found me and i also took care of them…even as a child, i never got to have a childhood…i never got to have a life…i was homeschooled but i taught and raised my self..gave my self first aid…feed my self clothed my self, they didn’t even know i existed..and didn’t care, i was the unwanted one…no pill can ever, will ever fix that…no pill can ever fix saving both your life and your mothers life by trying to find a reason to tell her not to kill you both, or make a father love you, or a mother realize you arn’t a doll…no…there is much a pill can’t fix…my husband helps me…i go on day to day..im not going to hurt anyone even doe no one would save me from that hell hole.., anyway my point is…im not a danger to anyone and he is why i haven’t hurt my self…i love him to much and he gives me a reason to be happy, i keep trying to move on, i have told him my storys untill im blue in the face, im trying to find a way to deal with things, i need real answers…not looking someone in the face in a room somewhere who doesn’t know or understand and i am meaning the therapist, i need a chat room or email i can’t do it…i can’t look one more person in there bored eyes like they think they understand…when you ask them how there life was, it was rose’s…i just can’t do it…but i do want to talk on email…i don’t mind talking to someone who understands, but as i said i also don’t have any money, and i also have never other then my husband ever been able to tell anyone my full story because no one will listen, no one cares and no one wants to belive other then him, he didn’t fully understand untill he met my mother he knows what i say is true.

  • Paolo

    June 21st, 2017 at 1:41 PM

    Darkness, I am so sad for your past and applaud your resiliency as demonstrated by your heartfelt post. The fact you care enough to help yourself by reaching out is something to credit yourself for. You are a good and valuable person and have a right to be here and exist as much as ANYONE else. Remind yourself of that, even when you feel otherwise. While talk therapy can be mildly helpful, it is very limited in its efficacy or effectiveness. I too am searching for the best modalities to help me with my issues, and I find that body based therapies are best. Look to the work of Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing), Stephan Porges (The Polyvagal Theory) and Bessel van der Kolk. I particularly recommend the book: The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind and Body in the healing of Trauma, by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk. Best thing you will ever read.

    Most people don’t get the difficulty of dealing with these issues. Platitudes of “just get over it” or “be positive” demonstrate a dismissive attitude that is completely clueless, lacking in empathy or the ability to feel into others situations. They are dealing with their own harsh inner critics to be tough, and don’t realize their blindness.

    Have you ever thought about taking a dance class, just for fun? Try hip hop ! Or if not dance, maybe yoga?

    Hang in there my thoughts are with you.

  • Sheila

    November 25th, 2013 at 9:33 AM

    My husband is angry and irritable all the time. He is overweight, hates the way he looks but won’t change anything. He diets, loses 20 lbs and then quits. He has blow ups, is always picking on me and my son and then acts like nothing happened the next day. He very seldom wants to socialize with friends, he use to golf, go fishing, hiking and camping with his friends and now he does nothing. He says he likes being alone. He wants to spend time with me all the time…that is great but I would love to have friends with kids our son’s age to do things with occasionally but he never wants to do anything. He has been on antidepressants and needs it to control is anger. I have told him he needs to talk to someone but he refuses. I think he is his worst enemy. It isn’t fun to walk on eggshells…..I don’t know how to encourage him to get help. I don’t want to break up my family but I am 52 and don’t want to be unhappy forever.

  • Maina

    February 10th, 2014 at 9:32 AM

    I go through severe frustration and anger attacks. When I m under considerable amount of stress, I feel like bringing the hell down. I begin to snap at my parents, get so mad at everything in my head which has a constant train of cursing and beating the crap and almost literally ripping apart everbody who happens to be a source of annoyance. Normally m a jolly person who is too friendly to be true but under stress I am a monster and I cant contain this monster in me for much longer. It snaps, tears, yells, kills, makes me feel guilty about everything from now or the past and even these feelings. I can barely contain myself. Since my religion doesnt luckily allows alcohol or drugs, m glad I dont walk in their direction for relief. Also cant sleep at night and when I do, cant get up before 3pm. I cant help myself. I dont know why my head has to be so voilent. I only end up snapping at my family, with the rest I can contain myself. But what if the monster ever come out. M so exhausted and tired of fighting it and got an imp exam next month. The ironic thing here had be that m a doc and still cant help myself.

  • Cynthia Lubow, MFT

    February 10th, 2014 at 2:42 PM


    It sounds like there is something going on for you that is significantly impacting your quality of life. It could be feelings about your parents you haven’t been able to process, or it could be a chemical imbalance, or possibly something else. Being a doctor doesn’t make you immune from emotional distress or trauma, and it doesn’t imply that emotional aspects of you are functioning to their full capacity. In fact, doctors are notoriously bad patients themselves–in general, don’t seem to want to experience the vulnerability of being a patient. If I were you, I’d want more from my life than the suffering you experience allows. Please find a good therapist to help you figure out what’s keeping you so angry and how to get relief.

  • Heather

    March 1st, 2014 at 6:01 AM

    All I know, is I used to get so angry and tired because family members wouldn’t put the dish towel back to where it is ‘supposed to go’. I would spend a total of 5 seconds looking for it, but it would feel like a year. If only the family would just put it back, I wouldn’t be this tired and angry. Almost Everything in my life was like that, until I went in and spoke to my Dr. She asked me a few questions, and said, I was depressed. I said ‘no I’m angry’ She said, no your depressed..again I said ‘no I’m angry and your really pissing me off right now’ She laughed and said trust me… I’m glad I did. She suggested some meds..I don’t like taking any medicine for anything, but I did this, and it was the best decision of my life. Who knew? Anger and frustration at everything. Asking all these people known and not known, why can’t they change so I don’t have to be so angry and frustrated all the time was ridiculous, but you don’t see it at first. Depression comes in many forms, and if you told me to go take anger management courses I would have hit you. This isn’t telling me to change my hair colour. All this self help stuff won’t change my eye colour. I’m not quite wired correctly but the meds I’m taking are like putting contact lenses on,,,I can see with different colour eyes if I choose and life is clear and happy. So all you nay-sayers… be careful what you say. Thank You! Oh and it can hit at any age, my 15 yr old daughter was just diagnosed. I wish I had been at that age, would have given me so many more years of happiness.

  • kyle s

    March 29th, 2014 at 3:05 AM

    Heather can u please tell me the name and mg’s of the medicine that helped you? Your story is like a reflection of how I feel every day

  • Faker2Maker

    October 28th, 2017 at 7:02 PM

    I too want to know the meds and the diagnosis…

  • Kham

    August 20th, 2014 at 10:10 PM

    Yow! I would never consider myself depressed but this is me.

  • Kham

    August 20th, 2014 at 10:25 PM

    Thank you for this article. I feel hopeful that now I have finally put a finger on this monster inside. My guess my source is hereditary and PTSD (immigrated as a child after a year in a refugee camp).

  • donna

    September 11th, 2014 at 3:56 PM

    I just came across this coz of my irritability.
    As I was reading this I realised I’d posted about 18 mths ago!
    Still irritable!!
    Seems goin back to uni (2subjects by distance)was too much.
    One subject I’d done the bulk of it but had to redo it coz of compulsory res school..
    It seems stress makes it worse.
    Dep is horrible..
    Irritability can be part of burnout so I wonder if being a single parent doing everything & having constantpain/sleep disorder
    burned me out.
    I also wonder if its caused by serotonin syndrome (taking 2 ssri’s).
    My mum passed away in April and we live with my parents..
    Still a shock.
    I have nightmares as well..
    This has never been my personality.
    Ive explained to my kids that I’m irritable & its depression (youngest is 17).
    Its that emotional pain…at its worst its painful to be awake, at best its permanent sadness..
    Was much better away (uni, short trips w my daughter).
    A big part of it is loss of independence (being forced to move in w my parents after couldn’t get another rental).
    I’d just like to hear from othr people re irritability.
    Thanks :)

  • Cynthia Lubow, MFT

    September 12th, 2014 at 4:00 PM

    Donna, it sounds like some good psychotherapy might help you. I hope you can find some! Also, if you think your meds are wrong, find a good psychiatrist and get them evaluated. You don’t want your meds making you feel worse. You also don’t want to just go off of them, in case you are tempted to do that.

  • Crystal

    September 14th, 2014 at 5:26 AM

    I was diagnosed 16 yrs ago with a range of things including depression and have been through some traumatic experiences since. I used to always come good and go back to my happy self, but after my last lot of big hurt I just haven’t repaired. I do have a lot of hurt I’m carrying inside, but how do I get past this?? I’m so sick of waking every morning crying and angry and focused on everything bad, past and present. I’m ruining everyone’s lives in my household by being this way. I don’t want to be medicated again, I’m sick of side effects and withdrawals. Somebody please wave a wand and make me happy again..

  • Betsy

    January 13th, 2017 at 5:19 AM

    Awww, Chrystal! How are you doing now?
    I wish I could take your pain away but I have my own to contend with.
    Hope you have found some answers & relief

  • A

    November 4th, 2014 at 12:00 AM

    I dont know whats happening. For the past year i’ve had in high school, i’ve been feeling angrier, more frustrated and less open to others. I have had incidents of fights, i constantly hate myself, i see everyone around me as an enemy, even my best friends and family, and i feel like life isnt worth living. Ive tried to kill myself but i dont have the gall to do so and i just go on with everyday with my remaining friends noticing i frown and scowl every minute of the passing day. My grades dropped and i get more angry woth each failure no matter how long i study. I verbally argue and scorn my parents and i am very unsociable and i seem to hate people who are the opposite of me. I’m a guy by the way and i usually write to vent but end up making horrible and greusome endings for my charahters which i seem to enjoy. My self esteem is so low that i dont believe in anything anymore except God. What can i do to help myself? Im too consumed by my hate and depression to do anything.

  • C

    October 3rd, 2015 at 3:57 PM

    Try to focus on you belief in God. It belief that pulls us through the bad time and belief tha creates the good times. Belief in God or hope or that tomorrow will be a better day with new opportunities. Belief is what will help you through this

  • Maria

    December 13th, 2014 at 7:45 AM

    A special boyfriend (from over forty years ago!) has come back into my life. This is a joy to me. But my man is separated, feels extremely guilty, even after several years, for causing the breakup…and suffers from depression. We are like two old passionate peas in a pod when we are together, but I see that he struggles with closeness. And irritability is just under the surface. I clearly care for this chap, and don’t wish to lose him again after so many years apart. But it is a delicate dance. Ask for closeness and he pulls away. Be distant and he craves togetherness! I want to have a relationship, but I also want to help. What can I do? My fellow is taking an antidepressant. I really want to do my best for him.

  • Nervedup

    December 31st, 2014 at 11:30 AM

    How long will a psychologist work with someone if they still can’t feel their hidden emotions? I’m telling lots of things but the anger I’ve had she thinks Is covering up the sadness and that I need to show it and start thinking about being a survivor. There are so many negative experiences I need to get out in the open. I hope that she will not ever think to give up on me. I choke back my tears when I’m talking. How will I ever be able to let it go and heal

  • Linzie

    May 6th, 2015 at 3:15 PM

    Hi I also suffer from depression following a nervous break down. I have been on anti ds for 6 years seen an excellent therapist for 2 yrs problem is I can’t stand being around people find them highly irritating and yet had worked in sales for 20 yrs. I feel sad most of the time nothing seems to make me happy and violent outbursts have occurred in recent months and I don’t know why as I have never being a violent person. Finding a job is difficult and I get very nervous if someone isn’t very pleasant to me and then I can sometimes cause myself to have a panic attack living like this is awful and I also feel awful when someone shares good news and I don’t feel happy for them then I feel like a bad person

  • Katie

    May 14th, 2015 at 6:13 PM

    i suppose you are angry aren’t you whatever your circumstances are and as women, we cry more but if we choose to do it privatly its keeping the veil of unexpressed emotion in one big bubble in your head. We can tell people what happened – break up – boss bullying you at work – bullying at school – there are more but those were issues for me but not voicing your voice and telling people how you feel keeps it all in. But my family arent big talkers and i have leant to keep things in. I used to self harm, i’d lie in bed crying. Not thinking i’d ever get anyone who would be interested in me further than a friend and when i did the first guy stole lied to my face, a gambler every awful thing you didnt want your daughter to date but because shes so nice and she has a boyfriend why would he do all these things to her?
    I can say when i was thiteen i had no one who i could go out with and do things with – i was often lonely and i don’t think many people understand that and it makes you a little crazy and you want the attention whether its good or bad. I used to read alot read, read like Matilda, cos books were an escapisum and i loved to read.
    At one pony i had a counciler and she was helping me in a way listening to me rant and sympathizing but that was it and when i was told my parents were going to take her away from me i began to self harm.
    No body wanted me no body every one had their own lives – lonliness is a killer.
    i am more of a crier but sometimes when i have held back and not cried i hyperventaliate and i pass out. Lovely!
    And i think with families too you have problems – it depends what you can forgive or, how hurt you were when your Mom said something hurtful to you but its like those words depending on what was said have stayed with you because you’ve been too scared to bring them up and have them out so the anger sets in, the resentment builds…
    You were treated unfairly – you were bullied at school or at work – your heart was broken and then when someone you really love in your family passes away. Esp when its a mother or father it messes with your head. Its enough to send anyone over the edge.
    But we all express anger first – some can hold it longer than others – either in an aggressive stance or in a long sullen look – whatever but the hurt is there – the pain is behind stuff. Stupidly enough when i feel like i’ve had a rough day i think i can treat myself because i think i deserve it and i also love food but i’ve had to go to slimming word three times to loose a lot of stones. i used to be addicted to cigarettes – i don’t anymore but i was. I’m just saying its natural and i do understand

  • Katie

    May 14th, 2015 at 6:33 PM

    it is true you will get alot of negative reactions off people out in the open. I’d say generally other people than family, but and listen carefully there are certain people in your life you can say certain things to and things that you think you probably shouldn’t and that you should be telling somebody else that they are more like you and can relate or can understand where you are coming from because when we are hurt or angry and we wantto vent we want to hear from people two important words i understand – and then you can go to bat and get things out whether its crying or shouting but it is getting it out in front of someone you love and would know they arent going to judge or leave you or whatever your fear is. Another thing i will say – some people may differ but if you have such a problem with your boss or a colleague its easy to tell you loved ones what a twat they were or that rosie an jess at school or down the the park hit you or whatever but the second you tell you mum or you sister or someone in your family theyhurt you they dont want to know because it makes them feel guilty but because they are giving you a ttitude you just think she or hes awful or this person i slike a stone queen.
    I’m also going to say this even if you find it within the depth of yourself to get vulnerable not everyone else is comfortable being vulnerable around you. Listen to Ted X talk – no one wants to hear it because they are – well the world isn’t all ready to become emotional or vulnerable and when you do its a huge act of courage on your part and daring bravely but sometimes you’re not going to get the reactions you want. Not everyone is going to sit with you and talk they might tell you – pull yourself together – stop crying – your expressing your pain – its very very tricky but it is choosing the right people at the right time to confide in and show emotion.
    The thing is i like to build connections with people it helps you get close to them and them to you. i have a bit of one with my mum – but my nan definatly but people who dont want to express soft emotions you dont always know they’re in pain you just think of them as d$#K or a b*&%$# – but they’ve become that way for a reason – a reason.

  • Jacqueline

    June 3rd, 2015 at 12:49 PM

    I would like to say first to each of you that i am very PROUD ! that you have taken the time to share your HURT and PAIN with others to let them know your individual STRUGGLES . Each of you seem to be working hard trying to help each other through a rough period in your lives and i HONESTLY COMMEND YOU!!! I have faith and believe that each of you will find HAPPINESS in your lives ,because that’s what GOD wants for all of us ! I WOULD LIKE TO CHALLENGE each of you to take a look at your surroundings and if there is anything or anyone that is NEGATIVE in your life or inner circle REMOVE IT! YOU CANNOT begin to HEAL unless this takes place . each of you owe it to yourself to be HAPPY and you all DESERVE the VERY BEST OUT OF LIFE ! REMEMBER it’s not when you fall in life it how well you RISE from your fall . ALWAYS REMEMBER that NOTHING OR NO ONE can control you unless you let it ,YOU CONTROL YOU!!! It does not matter what people say about you , because you are BEAUTIFUL AND UNIQUE IN YOUR OWE WAY! PRACTICE LOOKING IN YOUR MIRROR EVERY MORNING WHEN YOU GET OUT OF BED ,WHO DO YOU SEE AND HOW DO YOU WANT YOUR LEGACY TO BE !!! PLEASE NEVER be afraid to EXCEPT HELP whether it be a professional or friend. In closing please remember if they are your TRUE FRIENDS THEY WILL NOT PASS JUDGEMENT ,THE WILL LOVE AND SUPPORT YOU TO THE END . GOD BLESS EACH OF YOU AND I LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING NOTHING OTHER THAN HAPPY NEW BEGINNING FROM THIS DAY FORWARD . LOVE EACH OF YOU !!!

  • Rayna

    July 15th, 2015 at 7:57 PM

    Okay. As I was reading these stories I’ve realized 2 things.
    1:There’s people out there like me who have this feeling or irritability.
    2: Most of you are older.
    Well im 13 and I’ve been researching difference in mood and getting very angry with people. It’s hard realizing something like that at my age. At first I read so many articles about depression. I told myself that “I wasn’t depressed. That’s something when youre sad and don’t feel like living. Your just a angry person.” Then this article opened up my eyes. Also your guys stories and experiences with this.

    I get very angry at my family alot. And alot of the things they do annoy me to the point we’re I want to scream, punch something, and cry. I have these thinga, my family call them “episodes.”, where I get so angry that I turn to tears. Sometimes I feel so tired and done. Ive realized that specific things trigger these emotions. Like when I feel like something is unfair. At first it was only couple times a months. Then it turned into couple days. Now it’s turned into everyday. Most times I feel angry at myself for being angry at everybody. I don’t know what to do. I haven’t told my family because I feel like they wouldn’t understand or they would just make fun of me lIke they always do. And I keep losing friends because of my temper.

    If anybody has any advice, please feel free to speak up. I would gratefully appreciate it.

  • Anonymous

    November 24th, 2015 at 3:19 AM

    Rayna you may feel all alone but your not, family that has let you down or whom dont trest you like a human being can leave deep seated remorse, anger, hurt, pain, I have lived with this betrayal from my family since as long as I can remember, but thus isnt about me, it’s about you, friends even close ones dont undrstand, they dont support you and the way you feel, my analysis of your situation is this, your not getting what you emotionally need from any out side source, so give the unconditional love to your self, thru, meditation, self discovery, alone time, do more things to make your heart sing for yourself, when your family sees your happy without them, and your friends see and here this in your voice or actions they will eventually change their tune, its all about giving yourself the love and understanding you deserve, life usnt fair, family cant change, friends come and go, you feel sonething within you is missing find whats missing and give yo yourself, your quality of life is your resonsibility it cannot be found in others, self research and relate to your anger find what triggers it most and iliminate it, self love is self gratitude for who you are, a special person, a unique person who has been given the wisdom to become a great thinker for mankind! Self love, self appreciation, with limited time for others who don’t or can’t appreciate you, nameste!

  • Wendy

    August 6th, 2015 at 9:56 PM

    My serious depressive episodes have always been preceded by irritability, frustration and anger. So I hope to stop an episode, by stopping talking to someone when I feel those feelings increasing. So far it works, but not always. I know there a lot of people who just don’t get it. All I can say is talk about it with your therapist, google it, or hit the library.

  • Wendy

    August 6th, 2015 at 10:00 PM

    @Rayna I’ve been experience my kind of depression since I was very young. Some people are just more accepting of anger than they are of depression. But I understand.

  • Josh

    October 3rd, 2015 at 9:40 PM

    Well I started to experience this in college and again today 2 years after the previous one ended. This time its from being in a bad cart situation, me and my team outpaced even with 2 electrical cart machines going and inside all registers open with long lines so they could not give us helping hands on the lot. I can not handle that kind of pressure even though all that is required is our best a lot of times that feels like it is not good enough for me. Any suggestions to help me because focusing on the positives just puts a blanket over the negative to me?

  • Louise

    November 22nd, 2015 at 4:47 AM

    To those people saying it is an excuse to be angry. You have no idea at the level of self loathing and hatred that people with depression can experience. Being positive is not easier when you are depressed. It is as if you are outside yourself. No amount of self control will help. The anger does not subside if you stop yourself blowing up, it just builds and builds. The other option is self harm to release the feelings. No amount of exercise of meditation will cure the feelings that people who are depressed feel. It is a chemical imbalance in the brain so telling people to focus on the positive does not help.

  • Angie

    February 7th, 2017 at 6:31 PM

    I’ve read a good few of everybody’s comments. Life is so hard, I have good days and s*** weeks. I’m a single parent, my son’s dad doesn’t see him, I work 30 hrs a week, it’s just me and my 14 yr old. I’ve been pissed and s*** on by work colleagues, friends and family, and I get no help. I think my kindness is weakness, people just take the piss out of my generosity. I do have balls to say what I think, but it always comes across as aggressive,angry and nasty. Not sure if something has happened to me in the past why I am like this. A good question to ask yourself is, would they do for you, what you have done for them????? If the answer is no f*** them off, as they are not friends. I’ve learnt the hard way, I’m 42 and still learning?? I don’t trust anyone, people always let me down and sometimes just can’t be arsed. I used to go out a lot, don’t even bother now, just can’t be bothered. Work hours are white and so I can’t sleep. Do apologize as this isn’t in any order, I’m drinking jack Daniels as I can’t sleep and I’m browsing, came up with this site to see how others are feeling, and here I am. It kinda makes you feel better knowing you’re not alone. In work, people don’t do the job right, I’ve told management and they’ve done nothing about it, that pissed me off because now I have to carry the lazy bastard’s and correct there mistakes, and there getting the same pay as me but I have to work harder. I really wish I didn’t care but like a mug, I do. So that’s frustrates me, starts my anger, then the managers haven’t got the balls to bollock staff who don’t do there job right, annoys me even more, so work pisses me off. As soon as I walk in I’m pissed off knowing I’ve got to carry people n wipe there arse. Can’t get my son to help me around the house so when I get home I’ve gotta do all the usual crap there, washing cleaning, tidying,make tea, all in a few hours cuz I gotta go bed cuz I’m in work stupid hours the next day. Just writing this seems like my issues are petty, but some days it’s like, work is shit home life is shit, it kinda builds up. It’s 2:21am I’ve gotta be up at half four to be in work at 6am. I’m irritable,angry aggressive snappy, I’ve cut out the negative people in my life, them quick to put me down.. that’s why I have no friends but there’s apart off me that’s glad about that, no one can take the piss, it does get lonely though. Just don’t know what to do with my life. I don’t like myself cuz I’m nasty but I feel I have the right to be nasty because the way people have treated me but I know it’s wrong to take it out on the innocent ones. I’ll be grateful for anyone’s Opinion???

  • Wendy

    November 22nd, 2015 at 10:42 PM

    For me the anger becomes a byproduct of the depression. Sometimes I can tell when my lapses are coming on. I feel short tempered and hostile. So I tell people I can’t talk, not feeling well and I need to chill. Most are understanding, while others think you are being mean. Self-control is pretty much short-circuited with me. Self harm is using pain and or drugs/alcohol to ease the negative feelings … that momentary feel good feeling. So you want more, you do more. Unfortunately my MDD is with me for life. I am now disabled but so wish I could work. I miss that … but I can’t tolerate the stress. To those out there, keep trying even when you feel you want to die.

  • Kris

    December 29th, 2015 at 11:35 PM

    I feel uncontrollable bouts of anger and sadness non stop. It’s like a mixture of the two that makes me feel like I’m about to have a panic attack if I don’t lash out or find other ways to dull it. As in alcohol, weed, pills.. I’m a miserable person that would love a happy pill to cure this feeling. It’s truly the worst feeling in the world. I’ve experienced it all this year on top of everything. I’ve lost a lot. I was on a combination of anti depressants and they caused me to have a seizure at work 3weeks ago. I’m not on anything right now and the emotions I feel are horrible. I don’t really have anyone around anymore bc my negativity along with me not having the means to get anywhere. Besides talking about it. What’s the best way to embrace this all without being too overwhelmed to face it. What ever it seems to be. I’m not even sure what’s bothering me other than my life which I thought I had been dealing with. How does one deal..

  • Kip

    December 19th, 2015 at 9:56 PM

    I have been diagnosed with bipolar depression. I have tried a number of antidepressants and nothing really seems to make me feel all that much better so I have not been taking anything for about 10 months. I have been to counseling, I have never been to a psychiatrist, I guess no one thinks I need to see one bad enough. Lately, I have been feeling very out of tune with life. I have a wonderful partner, a job, food and a roof over my head. All the things I need to be happy, yet I’m not. I dwell on things. I over think until there isn’t a good thing left. I cry uncontrollably. I am easily frustrated. I cannot keep interest in anything I do. I get very angry. Worked up very easily over the smallest things. I feel like I am never happy any more and if I am, it’s very short lived. I have been thinking its time to go back on an antidepressant and was wondering if maybe someone could suggest something that may have helped them. I have tried; Lexapro, elevil, zoloft, viibrid, brintellix, latuda, paxil and I think one other, but cannot think of the name of it. I’m tired of feeling this way. If anyone has any suggestions, I’d really appreciate it.

  • Seon

    December 24th, 2015 at 10:13 PM

    How do I unlock those frozen feelings? I have an idea what they might be.

  • Sonny

    March 14th, 2016 at 8:19 AM

    To Kip, Dec. 19th 2015—Has any Dr. suggested you see an endocrinologist? I am close to someone who was under-diagnosed for two years and not treated for a problem that was exacerbating the the depression. Like you, she tried many medications that did not seem to work or only helped briefly. In any case – hope you have felt better since your last post.

  • Jack

    March 23rd, 2016 at 7:32 PM

    i believe i got this. i dont know exactly how but i did. and the therapists i spoke didnt seem to know the right tools to fix it.

  • Hayley

    May 13th, 2016 at 7:14 AM

    I really relate to this article and it has actually made me feel a bit better knowing it isn’t just me who has these ridiculous aggressive outbursts. I have previously been in a couple of abusive relationships at a young age. I am 25 now and I am currently with someone who has the patience of a saint but I am constantly battling with feelings of uncontrollable anger and guilt. I am so aggresive when i start and its usually over something so insignificant and pointless. I just go mental and scream and shout and even lash out occasionally and then I hate myself for it and find myself saying sorry repeatedly and hating myself for the way I am. When the feeling starts it manifests itself not only as emotional feeling but I get physical pain in my stomach and cannot control how furious I become. I also suffer with intense anxiety and bite my fingernails down so far it bleeds. Since reading this I do think I need to see a doctor but the thought of doing that and opening up creates masses of fear and anxiety inside me. Everything seems like a catch 22 but I do have a serious desire to improve and get better especially before I have children .

  • The GoodTherapy.org Team

    May 13th, 2016 at 9:47 AM

    Dear Hayley,

    Thank you so much for sharing your experience with anger, guilt, and anxiety. One of the big things we do at our company is try to break down the barrier of shame and stigma that keeps many people from accessing healthy treatment options such as psychotherapy. Some studies indicate, for example, that therapy can be just as or sometimes even more effective than medication for treating the root cause of some mental health issues. Plus, psychotherapy doesn’t carry a list of possible side effects like most medications :) Please feel free to visit this section on our site that addresses some of the commonly asked questions we get about therapy: https://www.goodtherapy.org/what-is-therapy.html

    If you have the motivation to want to improve the issues you’re concerned with, we encourage you to do your research and consult with a professional to determine the best treatment path for you. Our site can make it a little easier for you to find and consult with a mental health professional. To do so, please return to our homepage, https://www.goodtherapy.org/, and enter your zip code into the search field to find therapists in your area.

    Once you enter your information, you’ll be directed to a list of therapists and counselors who meet your criteria. From this list you can click to view our members’ full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information. You are also welcome to call us for assistance finding a therapist. We are in the office Monday through Friday from 8:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. Pacific Time; our phone number is 888-563-2112 FREE ext. 1.

    Best of luck in your journey! Please call us if you need help finding the right therapist for you.

    Wishing you the best,
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  • Tony

    July 7th, 2016 at 2:46 AM

    I can relate to what you are saying and feeling. Believe me when I say going it alone only makes it worse. I tried isolation and no meds/help. Ended up destroying walls and doors, and the dreams/episodes only got worse. I say find a medical professional you feel safe and comfortable with and go from there. It helped me tremendously, I won’t lie and say I am cured, but I will say it has been over a year since I punched a door, wall or “flashed out” on someone. I wish you all the best.

    Tony B.

  • Tony

    July 7th, 2016 at 2:40 AM

    This article was a real eye opener for me. I have suffered from PTSD for many years now, some from my years growing up and some of it from my time in the Army. I would like to comment first and foremost on the article mentioning the Vets. It is true! From day one in training (mind you I was a Combat MOS) everything we were taught was kill, kill, kill! Every cadence, every road march call out? You guessed it… Killing. We were beaten, threatened, screwed with mentally and emotionally until we were all “broken”. Then the real training began, by week 5 we were so hardened and hate filled that we did as we were told without thinking. Anger and hate was all we were told we needed, if we needed love or a family… It would have been issued to us. That’s been 13 years ago this year, and to this day it does not take much for that lack of fear and intense hatred/anger to explode. You can’t begin to imagine (perhaps some of you anyway) what it is like to have adrenaline flowing so fast as you give into hate and anger to the point you feel nothing, not even pain. Now far as anxiety and depression? I have those as well. Trust me anger can be anger issues… Yes, but it can also be PTSD, anxiety, or depression. So for those of you making unjustified and uneducated comments, please keep them to yourself. I don’t know crap about anorexic disorders, so guess what I do? I don’t say jack crap about it. Sorry for being on the soap box there, but please when in doubt of what you do or don’t know.. Assume you don’t know and keep it to yourself.

  • Shaniqa

    September 18th, 2016 at 12:59 AM

    of depression, bipolar or any metal uniqueness.
    The hatred, the pain, the hurt,the anger, the guilt! Why me? Why am I like this? The lonely nights, paralysed by fear, the tears, the numbness. Sleep! What sleep? You can’t function, you can’t get out of bed? You don’t know why, you can’t explain it! You just can’t! Over and over you ask yourself what’s wrong with me? Why do I feel like this? No one understands! No one gets it! You are like a rate on the wheel, your brain can’t turn off, your in a state of panic! Your adrenaline is just pumping. Your parents don’t understand, your friends don’t understand! That’s if you have any left because you feel so s*** and hate yourself so much, for feeling the way you do, you isolate you’s and push everyone away. You hate your life, and you hate yourself! You know you have many thing in your life that should make you so happy, and your life should be amazing! But you feel nothing, you might laugh, but you feel nothing! You look at your family, and you know you should love them. But your so angry at yourself, because you feel nothing, so you act out in hatred. You just want to feel something good, anything positive, anything at all! But no, nothing. Nothing at all! It’s me, what’s wrong with me?why do I feel like this? I’m sad, I’m hurt, I’m lonely. No one understands me. You get told get over it! Snap out of it! Shut up your just being stupid! It’s all in your head! Get over yourself! Theres worse people in life out there with cancer, aids, diabetes. So stop feeling sorry for yourself. Nothing helps, no one seems to understand me! The person behind the smile. As long as you smile, no one cares that you cry yourself to sleep. The harder you fight, the worse it gets. It gets darker and darker, and you start in turnalising everything. Frozen anger. It doesn’t matter what you do, the pain, hurt, hatred, bad thought are still there. Alcohol, drugs, cutting etc….. It numb the pain for a while, it calms your thoughts….. But no it doesn’t work, it doesn’t make it stop. I know I tryed.
    I’m here to tell you, you’re not alone. Yes no one understands you, anti depressants, plaster the cut. You are a warrior, everyday you fight a battle that no one understand, sometimes not even a fully qualified doctor. Anti depressants can work if you are on that right dose, don’t except feeling the way you do. Go back till you feel ok and you can sleep. Today I talk to you as a catatonic depression surviver ( the last 3 months I have been in a coma) completely consumed by depression. Fighting the hardest fight of my life, to get back to my children.
    I am not depression free, and I don’t know if I ever will be. I’m bearly 50% brain function. Get help! Get help now, if what I write sounds even partly what you feel inside. Depression is not you! It is something you live with, but trust me when I say, it’s not you! It’s not your thoughts, it’s not normal. But you will be ok. Your a warrior, the battle in your head is real, don’t try to egnore it, it won’t go away. It’s real! Understand, your life is at risk. Please out of love, please get help. You are worth it, people do love you. You are important, you are amazing. Keep fighting. Don’t give up, until you feel ok💖 Hope you find the strength within yourself to get help🌹I love you, even if you feel that no one else does 💝 That’s only the depression talking💜 Love and light to all. I pray for each and every warrior fight the real war inside your head 🌸 May angels protect you 💖 Much love 😘

  • Jen

    January 9th, 2017 at 12:09 PM

    You described depression and anger in such an accurate way. Thank you for this. That’s exactly how I feel.

  • Mel

    September 29th, 2016 at 7:31 PM

    This describes my husband to a T! I just had a baby and we’re also caring for a 20 month old. My husband always seemed to have seasonal depression and now it’s just this anger you write about all the time during the warmer months as well so definitely not seasonal at this point. He seems overwhelmed by parent duties and is constantly critical to me or indifferent to my existence. Occasionally he blows up and takes zero responsibility for being the one to start the argument with his horrible negativity in the form of a passive agressive remark or lack of respect toward me. The problem with men is that it never occurs to them that they’re the problem so telling him he’s depressed would fall on deaf ears and instigate another fight. I’m battling slight PPD myself so I don’t have the patience or energy to contend with his personality. I fear our future is grim.

  • Shaniqa

    September 30th, 2016 at 12:44 PM

    Morning Mel
    You sound like a beautiful strong amazing lady. First things first “you” when your a Mum darling you must come first. You need to get the help you need for your babies, without your health, and metal well-being. There is no happy home. Your children sense you mood and they feed off it, and when you’re feeling like crap, always on the defence from your partners comment. You will find they will act out more and your anger and out bursts are normal Hun. We judge ourselves way to much as Mums, trying to Make everything perfect, making sure everything is right for when our partners get home. You know what, just STOP! STOP and TAKE A BREAK. HAVE A COFFEE, go to a beach, a river, a park. And just do nothing! Nothing what so ever. And do it more and more, make it part of your routine😂
    But please do get the medz from the doctors darling, as post Nats after a baby are crap, + a 20month old = crazy times. But you are doing awesome, remember always you and kids first 😘

    Partner 😤😤 men can be frustrating at the best of time, let alone after a baby! So well done on noticing his signs through my story. Most men I believe ( I’m not a doctor, by no means) believe depression is weak, because that’s the sigma 😁 Get him to read my post, or print it off a get him to read it. But do it in a positive tone, see if he thinks he relates to it. Men have to have there own ideas, so even if you just plant a seed about depression 😘 Mike King, has been doing heaps on male depression he has a face book page. If he is at the stage you say he is at, he does need medz Hun. And he very much so needs help. If he has any close friend or family, who will support you in acknowledging it, by all means get them on board, and get him the help he needs. A depressive persons brain, doesn’t function the Same as a normal persons brain. It’s his brain chemistry that’s different, and you will probably understand that having post Nats.

    Hope I helped
    💖 Much love and light to you and you family 💞

  • Natalie

    September 30th, 2016 at 1:46 AM

    I have always been short tempered. But over the last month, I wasn’t just short tempered, I haven’t been sleeping well, feeling tired all the time, and is almost always angry. The littlest thing that my husband do can piss me off to no end. I’ve just entered a partnership with an ex boss and we are not getting along as well as I thought we would be. She constantly bosses me around and I often feel misunderstood as a result. I’ll usually just suck it up but deep down I’m really angry. I’m also having some small mother in law issues, I don’t think they are a very big deal but I’m very affected. I keep trying to avoid her as much as i can. I’ve been getting headaches as well. When I’m angry, I scream and yell and sometimes curses. I hate it but I can’t help it. I just feel so trapped and sad and angry at the same time. Honestly the smallest things just set me off. Like I hate it when people are late, or causing me to be late. Or when I’m trying to work hard but my partner doesn’t think that I’m doing well enough when I feel like I’ve tried. And I feel that she’s blaming me? I don’t know. I know I can be ultra sensitive and this bothers me so much. I’m constantly affected by what others think and if I’m doing a good enough job. I just feel like crying after every outburst and its making me feel so terrible. My husband tries to help and he only makes me feel worse and more angry that I just want to scream at him even though I know I shouldn’t.
    Do I have anger issues or am I depressed? Can someone talk to me?

  • Shaniqa

    September 30th, 2016 at 1:33 PM

    Morning Natalie.
    Remember I not a doctor !
    Being sensitive, is awesome! So well done on acknowledging that. Most sensitive people inturnalise their thought, and feeling. So the fact that your acting out will normally mean, you just can’t take any more bull! And your had enough! You need to take some much needed time out for you. What happens is the more stressed you get, the more you think about it before you go to bed, and because your so angry, it’s makes your adrenaline pump (like a exercise workout) this will be why your not sleeping. So it sounds like, your trying to bend over backwards for everyone that surrounds you, your boss, your partner, your mother in law.!!! But not once did I hear you say about you! You sound amazing, hard working and Supa buzy trying to make ends meet, trying to keep the house clean, to make the partner happy is my guess. And we’ll the mother in law like you say” probably nothing’s good enough”. Before we go into depression I have a some questions for you? Are you being true to you? Are you stopping to care for yourself? Have the people in your life pushed down those walls and limits, because you are just trying to keep the peace?
    You need to stop, and reflect on you! I’m sure your an amazing beautiful sensitive woman! I have no doubt! But where has your voice gone? Don’t let anyone control you! You have to set your boundaries firm! You have to empower you and only you, don’t give others you power, you need to take it back and stand up for you, BECAUSE YOU’RE WORTH IT! Say no to your mother in law, if your partner loves you he will back you, otherwise let him go to. Believe in who you are, who you wanna be! Be you and have limits, don’t let people control your mind. Respect yourself enough, and stand up and believe in yourself Hun….. 🌷 If you still feel angry, frustrated, hurt, sad and sleep doesn’t improve, go see your doctor Hun, and explain what’s happening. But I do personally think you’ve lost your own sense of identity which is so easy as a woman, cause we get so busy. We forget to nurture and protect ourselves. I believe in you, take time for you, and find your inner self again Hun. Don’t let people walk over you !
    Hope I helped
    💖Love and light to you hun💜
    🌹Believe in yourself 💝

  • annie

    March 2nd, 2017 at 6:48 PM

    I feel your talking on my behalf.I feel exactly the same way as you do.I try to please and help everyone to keep the piece.I’m the families scapegoat. I left work because of bullying.I have an adult daughter that has no respect.I do everything for her to make her life easy.My husband helps me a lot around the house.He just doesn’t understand how i feel. I’m angry,tired,and unappreciated everyday.I sometimes cry myself to sleep.Especially when i re-hash how i was treated….Am i depressed or the doormat ? I was told by a psychologist i was a doormat!!!
    Great forum.

  • Jane

    October 13th, 2016 at 3:14 PM

    I have many reasons to be angry. I am thinking now it may be depression. When you feel so overwhelmed most of the time, and feel trapped with no good choices available to use, you get angry. I cannot tolerste a single added problem lately, it just infuriates me. Working third shift and only being able to sleep for a few hours here and there due to circumstances also causes great stress. I am 56 years old, and my husband is almost 61. Due to my daughter and her ex husband being bipolar and drug addicts, we are raising three grandkids. The oldest we’ve had all her life, is 17. The middle one is 13, bipolar, and was sexually, physically, and emotionally abused by my daughter’s second husband, no ex husband. She met him in drug rehab, and within 3 years things were horrible. They were arrested for manufacturing meth in the home, and my grandsons were there living in it. My daughter only spent a short time in prison, but upon release she quickly started sneaking around and going to bars, drinking alcohol, and most recently is dabbling with xanax. She has no conscience at all and uses people for what she wants. She has not contacted to ask about her kids for 2 months. She lives 15 miles from us. The kids bio dad is in and out of rehab, shooting up meth or what ever he can get. He saw the kids last in June. My middle one, the 13 year old is in trouble frequently at school, so I get calls frequently and get woke up. This past 4 days I have had approximately 20 total hours of sleep, all broken up in small segments. I’m echausted, frustrated, and feeling hopeless. If I give up my grandsons to ease the stress on my husband and myself, I don’t think I could live with that. I wouldn’t know where they were, and foster care can be good or bad. Also the smallest child who is 8, has sensory processing disorder one psychiatrist noted, which is one part ofoss8ble autism spectrum. He does not handle change well at all. He has improved greatly in the 3 years we have had him. The middle one I worry would not handle the change either, it would feel like rejection. They already had these issues due to their parents. So there I am, feeling I have no choices and I feel trapped. Thus the depression and anger. I cannot afford counseling or therapy, absolutely no way. We struggle now financially as it is. Have no idea what to do.

  • Kale

    November 11th, 2016 at 2:09 PM

    Helpful article. I have anger problems too. I dont like being with people. I dont like to be burgered when im busy and i dont change plans so easily. mother died when i was 13. since then, i’ve fend for myself but anger was there since i was a little boy. i’m known to be rude, heartless, mean, full f pride etc. I simply dont want to repeat a simple instruction. I dont like being pestered or teased. i like serious people. I gt so angry when someone uses me or pisses me off. i can hit or say things i dont mean. This is normally to challenge or drive them away. Many are days i wake up tired, not feeling like talking to anyone, feeling like being alone in a quiet place because noise irritates me. i also hate to see someone bullying another person, i can involve and hit the bully badly. I’ve been insulted and called demon possessed person by many many people and now I’ve come to accept it. I can go on and on…. Could there be any remedy for my problem? Help please

  • none

    January 19th, 2017 at 10:22 AM

    I feel like I am only able to feel rage or sorrow, with rare – if any – variations from those two modes. I also live in costant state of shame and self-loathing from my rage because I think that despite what my depression makes me do, I am not a cruel or aggressive person, so my outbursts, however slight they might even be, absolutely churn my stomach to no end. I wish I could escape human society so that I can isolate myself and not treat others the way I do, and maybe then I can hate myself just that slight bit less.

  • Riana

    January 22nd, 2017 at 12:08 AM

    I am angry and bitter all the time and ,Its like telling a rock to smile. YOU HAVE NO SAY IN THIS. And the worste part is, people just assume you are an asshole…. we need peoples support and to feel like they atleast try to understand. And when we don’t feel that it makes everything worse. I currently have no friends and this issue has effected me and my husband in such a way that he just ignores me. I feel guilty and alone. I feel punished !

  • Nina

    January 22nd, 2017 at 5:16 PM

    Hi… All the talk about depression and anxiety…. There seem to be only two words that are used. I believe it’s criminal to keep describing people as… You have anxiety a d depression, you have a mental illness… As though you are suffering from a sickness that you have to be medicate out of…. As though there is something wrong with you (or me) someone else judges you as ok or sick With a mental illness but that is a judgement unmeasured itsYoam opinion a JUDGEMRNT. Being forced to take medication its hor tenable. You are a human bring f. you have feelings and emotions you are a living being. I top don’t have depression, anxiety you feel something. I hate the expression mental illness. As though you are sick… You aren’t sick.

  • Sherin

    February 2nd, 2017 at 9:49 AM

    My boyfriend is very depressed due to his work and family situation. He s always worrying about the future. The over work given by the manager makes him more depressed. He told.. sometimes he feels like he wanna break something or beat someone or do something… he wanted to cry screem but he is silent… how can I help him in solving his problems and make him a mind of happiness and self-confidence? Please help me.. I love him a lot.. he is just 22 years and don’t have any time for enjoy his life. He is very sad thinking about all these… how can you help me through this article?

  • myes

    February 23rd, 2017 at 1:11 AM

    That’s all fine but… what’s the point? It’s not like you can fix depression by putting labels on it…
    Therapy is almost complete bullsh** as well, from my experience.

  • Anonymous

    April 12th, 2017 at 9:33 PM

    Sometime I wish I wasn’t here , sometimes I wish my mom aborted me , I’m really not happy , I wish I wasn’t here ,I wish I could go away and never come back 😪 I know i made mistakes && I got punished for them, I don’t know what I did that bad to be going true this , I feel like I’m in a box and can’t get out , I put a smile on my face everyday knowing I’m not okay inside ….
    There were many days I wanted to kill myself & many attempts , but I failed 😔it’s like I want to go but I have to stay ☹️ I think about my life in sadness , I can’t find happiness anywhere , my mom makes me feel like I’m the cost of everything & I know I made one mistake but I did apologize .…
    When I see people with their fathers it’s like my heart is burning up inside , I get sad , it’s like I want to just burst into tears , over the years I pretended like having a father don’t hurt me , but to be honest it really does, at this point in my life I feel like no one loves me , I don’t think my mom loves me but I know she cares😔…
    I can’t even get one apology from what she did to me. I always tried my best to make her happy would risk anything including my life for her , I envy all of my siblings because they have what I never had 😔 it’s like everyday I’m getting worse & worse every time I get mad I feel like I have to hurt myself , I feel like I have to cut my risk💉,
    I hate my life I’m grateful that God brought me into this world …
    People say ” you should be happy of what you got other people have it worse” I’m not other people & that’s not the point of who have it worse I’m still human I’m not a robot I will express my feelings,you lying to me hurting me not apologizing to me have nothing to do with other people , that’s their lives & this is mines ….
    I walk around with no heart because they made me a beast 😔they made me heartless , they made me feel this way, why I’m I going true this ? Why can’t I break free? I pray every night some days were good the others were horrible , I know no ones perfect but why me ? Why I didn’t feel like this when I first found out about my life ? Why did my feelings decided to come out when no one cares? ….
    I don’t have no one to talk to so I have to write, like I don’t know what I done so bad 😔 why do you hate me ? Why do you put him before me? Why did you let him talk to me that way & had nothing to say? When he left I was there with you , I was helping you , I was the one who told you ” you don’t need him just boss up” but the best thing for me to do was to keep quite because my words doesn’t matter to you 😞or anyone else … I should just keep quite for the rest of my life. Do I even deserve to live? I feel like I have no friends/family= No one
    I honestly be trying my best😪😪😪 but I think I be trying to hard 😞 I never expect the unexpected. When I was little he use to tell me he’s not my father I didn’t expected that, I told my mom and then eventually moved out I didn’t expected that, her husband said he bought me in because my so pose to be father put me out I didn’t expected that, she told me he’s not father I didn’t expected that, he told me if I have a problem I can pack my things and go I didn’t expected that…
    I envy my older sister the most because she did so many things and didn’t even apologized for it I wonder if I had a child whiles being a child if I would’ve been getting treat as good as her, wonder if I drink & smoked I would be getting treat that good , she had it good both ways of her life through out her mother’s side and father’s at the end of the day both got her back, but if I asked no one got mines , they always cared for her more than they do for me & I understand that because they can’t just except me Into their family just as mush as I don’t want them too…
    I know I don’t go to school but you don’t have to throw that in my face. Don’t you think I have a reason why? When I was making it good in HIAAS why did you Cary me away from there to adapt somewhere else ? Don’t you think that’s hard? I won’t never give up on my education because of what people say . And who even said I give up ? Some of the top people the world doesn’t have education but they made it anyways because in life anything can happen everything is possible & no matter how much you put it in my face about my education it makes me more hungry it makes me wanna fight more it also makes me upset inside I know , God spear my life I’ll make it with or with out education!
    I had a near death experience. It feels like your saying in your head ” this is it” ” my life is over ” at that point all I did was cried I will never share that story with no one because every time I think or talk about it , it makes me sad , I though he was going to kill me 😔 I prayed 🙏🏽 after that I felt something different I felt like a whole different person & that’s when everything changed🙌🏼
    She be like I cry to much I don’t want to cry , my feelings want me to feel that way , my heart goes down because it feels down everything just starts too feel like it’s not there , I start to do things to myself because of my feelings, I really can’t control my feelings I use to cry a lot from since I was a child I have no idea why it’s was probably because I was preparing for the up coming pain …
    I think to my self that everything is my fault if I just didn’t say anything about me telling her he’s saying he’s not my father no one this would’ve never happened , I probably would’ve been getting straight A’s I would’ve probably been making it big & making everyone proud . But now everyone just seems to hate me , is it because I’m getting older ? Is it because their just showing their true feelings about me ? Why? What I did ? I tired my hardest ? I’m not perfect & I’m not trying to be .
    – [x] I’m just upset & consulted I just want to get out of this upsetting surrounding that I surround myself in. After all I’ve been through I just want someone to understand me and where I’m coming from. I have no father I don’t know what that’s like , till this day he never calls and if he do I wouldn’t speak to him . I understand that people only know you when you have a little bit of something & when you have nothing everyone just starts to act different I didn’t intend for things to happen this way I didn’t plan for this 😔😞 if I knew my life was going to be this upsetting at this point in time I would of kill myself a long time ago but if I tend not to control my feelings and end up hurting myself I just want my mom to know I’m great ful for you being here for me , I appreciate you, I love you more than life itself , I’ll do anything you, sorry for hurting you & here or not I still care keep me in your heart I hope you find this & I hope you understand my feelings 😔

  • The GoodTherapy.org Team

    April 13th, 2017 at 9:09 AM

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

    If you would like to consult with a mental health professional, please feel free to return to our homepage, https://www.goodtherapy.org/, and enter your zip code into the search field to find therapists in your area.

    Once you enter your information, you’ll be directed to a list of therapists and counselors who meet your criteria. From this list you can click to view our members’ full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information. You are also welcome to call us for assistance finding a therapist. We are in the office Monday through Friday from 8:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. Pacific Time; our phone number is 888-563-2112 ext. 1.

    Kind regards,
    The GoodTherapy.org Team

  • What's the point?

    June 26th, 2017 at 11:02 AM

    I love being beat by the fist of a loving god. Over and over and over and over again. Kick me some more, world. I love all the hope and shine on these internet pages. Where is help when you need it? Always 2 months away when you’re hurting today.

  • Tracey S.

    June 26th, 2017 at 2:10 PM

    Nobody will ever understand unless they go through it themselves , don’t be so quick to judge. It’s very real.

  • David E.

    July 26th, 2017 at 10:37 PM

    also, I know people need to make a living and also cant just give all their time helping people for free. But I cant get over the fact that therapist want money in exchange for help. Like “hey, i know how to help and fix you/possibly stop you from killing yourself but “NOPE GIMME THAT CASH FIRST OR **** YOU” is how it feels to me so I don’t want to give money to somebody to help, I cant because I want somebody who legitimately cares and wants to help not pay and don’t really care. Just like you don’t want to pay somebody to love you/have sex. you want it to be genuine. It feels fake and they don’t really care so the hell with that. AND medication is non sense, there is and has to be a natural way to fix these problems, medications comes off also as naive stupid uncaring way to help people, make’m pop pills makem feels better, big scam pharmaceutical companies pay docs for subscriptions , docs don’t really care they know psychology so well they just manipulate you/me into thinking they care so they can peddle their drugs for money. Cynical? maybe but also partially true or completely true? maybe. So what to do when feeling this way? who knows anti trust, don’t peddle your drugs on me. I would feel it being genuine help when nobodies getting paid and nobody’s taking magic pills, for all we know those ill s are just tricking us and not helping, if they helped we wouldn’t need them all the time, they will say yeah ween you off them after awhile but when after awhile comes? never. Paranoid? maybe. they will use all this make me look the fool and troubled. but in the end they just want to get paid by me and get paid by medical companies to sign a subscription. No real people that have a passion to help people because they care and get fulfillment from actually changing somebody’s life. This article for instance, hooks us with the feels”thats me! thats how I fell!” then no actual advice, “but HEY! there’s links up top where to spend your money for help, no advice here”

  • sirhc

    September 7th, 2017 at 7:15 AM

    It looks like I am experiencing depression. I used to have that irritable and angry experience towards everybody around me. Lately, I feel more comfortable locking up myself inside my room rather than mingling with other people. As much as I could, I’m trying to avoid talking to them because everytime I hear or see something, I might utter a word that can put me into trouble or can hurt them. I’m also avoiding to get too much closer to other people because I don’t want to be hurt by them. What I normally do is I let them feel that I don’t care at all and I try to maintain a huge wall just to protect myself. Plus I do regret almost all of my past experiences too. I hope I could get over it someday.

  • JP2012

    December 17th, 2017 at 8:00 AM

    This really hits home for me. I’ve dealt with depression for the past 15 years. I’ve tried therapy & medications, but I’ve found little real help. This is how how it tends to manifest, as just an underlying dysphoria & irritability. I can get irrationally angry at the littlest slight or failure, particularly anytime I feel like I’ve fallen short. Lately I’ve been having rage dreams almost every night where I’m just terribly angry with what’s happening in the dream & the people in the dream. I wake up very angry & upset; which despite my attempt to the contrary tends to set a tone for my day. I get through, but honestly every day is a real struggle. Plus, no one in my life can really seem to understand what I’m going through. In fairness, I don’t really understand it either. I’ve not suffered any traumatic events that I can think of; some instances of social “issues” where I felt ganged up on as a kid, but nothing abnormal. I have a loving fiance & a solid family, although we did fight a lot when I was a teenager (mostly because I was a very angry teen). I don’t know, most days it just feels like something with which I’ll just have to live, my cross to bear.

  • unknown bottled anger

    April 10th, 2018 at 5:41 PM

    ok to start off i got 2 things im a teen boy and shares the short temper of his dad. i been always pissed off at my family for many reasons that will take 10 pages in google docs to type before done. im always getting in trouble always getting the blame from my 13 year old little brother. And i get so f***ing mad i cannot stand it and not many people know about this side of me because at school i always hide it. Come home clean my bedroom to get my xbox one s back, get it back, not even 5 MINUTES LATER it gets taken away because of something my little brother is and its like this almost every week with with my xbox. and im always getting the blame like 3 times every week MAKES ME SO MAD. FEELS LIKE THE HULKS F***ING RAGE INSIDE MY BODY. it IS not fun. AND MY CRAPPY LAPTOP ADDING ON TO IT. ITS SO BAD I CANT EVEN WATCH A YT VIDEO HALF THE TIME. not to mention my friends… (not true friends) got only a couple. well im done complaining ima go try to not let my anger take control of me because thats not fun for anyone around me… well bye. . .

  • unknown bottled anger

    April 10th, 2018 at 5:43 PM

    looks like i got extreme anger issues and i guess angry depression i guess idk to angry to think… and that is alot of typing for only a few things…

  • Stephen

    May 22nd, 2018 at 5:18 PM

    My spouse suffers from depression and I’ve gotten to be quite attuned when a serious bout is coming on. One of the things I’ve noticed during a downward slide is that my bride, who is normally very sunny and loving, kind of slowly transitions into a period of irritability and then becomes harshly critical. The crosshairs may fall on a co-worker, a sibling, parent, child, or in-law… or even (actually inevitably) me. The target for her anger and agitation seems to never fall on me right away… it’s usually when I say something to counter the criticisms being levelled at some one else that causes that. I might say something like “maybe they were just having a bad day, perhaps you shouldn’t assume the worst”, or “well, we’ve all done something like that, haven’t we?”, or the absolute worst: “it seems like other people have been bothering you more than usual lately; do you think it’s your depression?” I tend to let her “vent” for a few days before I say anything at all, but after a while it really does start to wear me down… especially when the target is one of our kids or a family member. I know as soon as I say something, I’ll be the object of her anger for a few days. I’ll get angry looks and the cold shoulder; the silent treatment. My stomach will be twisted in knots whenever she is around. But eventually it’s like something in her will snap, she’ll realize it’s her depression that has her so upset, she’ll cry and say she is sorry. I’ll tell her it’s okay and that I wasn’t ever upset (which is the truth), and that I was just waiting for the episode to pass and things to return to normal again.

    Over the past couple of years, I’ve read a lot of articles and a few books about depression; some are written from the perspective of the person suffering with depression and some more focused on the experience of someone living with a spouse who suffers from it. I’ve found both very enlightening and helpful. I don’t like my bride’s depression, but I absolutely adore her and I know it’s just a part of who she is, so I don’t let it affect the way I see her or feel about her. And I do my best to remind her of that any time an episode occurs. It is a bit disconcerting, but that’s just part of living with someone else’s “stuff”. I know I’m not perfect either and that’s just how marriage works.

    One thing that I have often wondered about, since I haven’t really seen it any of the books or articles I’ve read, is this tendency to become overly critical of someone else whenever she’s really going through it. Outside of this article I just read, I haven’t really found much that ties those two together, but it is something I’ve seen in just about every serious bout of depression I’ve gone through with my bride. To my own mind it seems like she is subconsciously finding some external object (or subject rather, since in this case it’s always a person) to become the focus her agitation. I say that because just about every time this happens, whatever it is that seems to be upsetting her so much in some other person is usually something that someone else could just as easily criticize her for, even if in the past.

    I’m not sure if that makes sense, but in a way when she is in the midst of a serious bout of depression, it seems to me that one of the ways she subconsciously tries to battle and find her way out of it is to turn that internal critical voice outward and find an external party to aim it at. I’m not entirely certain if that’s the case or not, but that sure is what it seems like to me. And the really unfortunate thing is, that critical voice *never* makes the situation better… whether it is aimed internally at herself or externally at someone else. That critical voice (as I see it) is the manifestation of the depression. My wife is normally one of the kindest and most loving people I’ve ever known, which is why when I start hearing that critical voice coming out of her now, I have a pretty good idea where it’s coming from… it’s not coming from my beautiful bride, but rather from the shadow side of her soul. Not the sunlight she normally shines upon the mountains, but the shadow that falls in the valleys.

    I’m leaving this comment here to see if this makes sense to anyone else here… whether you deal firsthand with depression yourself, or are the significant other and lover of someone who suffers. I would really like your feedback.

    Thanks so much!

  • No name

    August 6th, 2018 at 9:24 AM

    I have a guy friend who is suffering from depression. Welp, we’re close before but not now anymore. But now we play online games almost everyday and we talk occasionally about random topics or movies or books or games, but even when we talk so less, there is still 90% chance that i step on his mine and make him explode. Some of those things are really minor..(at least for me), I just wanted to share some stuffs with him or exchange opinions on the games we played. But even, so, he was angry at me everyday at almost every little thing I say. I really dont want to lose him as a friend so I tried, I noted down those little bombs that set him off, and tried to avoid it, but it just cant seem to end, everyday has new stuff that can trigger him. I really do make effort and i tried to apologize, but to him, I was just apologizing for no reason and he can’t see me making effort at all. I cherish him as an important friend so I really hope that at least, I can cheer him up, but he kept saying he just didn’t treat me as a close friend. Welp…that hurts hell lots. I would like to hear from someone who had experience… was it completely my problem? Or shouldn’t I go try to talk to him anymore? I just couldn’t differentiate that it was his depression making him feel like that or, he just plainly hates me and dont want me as a friend. Thanks.

  • Jennifer

    December 21st, 2018 at 4:59 PM

    I get so sick and tired, I mean really fed up when people tell me (family no less) to “just get over it”, “start going out more”, “you need to get out of THAT” (get out out of what?) and here’s a good one for those family members I haven’t seen in YEARS and don’t know me a hole in the wall, “we’re gonna get you out of that” (the all encompassing “THAT”). Statements and primitive mindsets like these just make me more angry, I’m like, “oh wow, thanks for telling me, geez, and this whole time I should’ve just “gotten out of it” or “gone out”, so for almost 30 years of this and it’s just I couldn’t “get out of it” until you TOLD me, what a genius and novel idea you have, you must make billions of dollars with your EXTREMELY helpful advice”. I hate to say it, but the holiday season is the absolute WORST for me, it keeps me up and my anxiety at an all time high.

  • Lillieth

    December 22nd, 2019 at 2:21 PM

    I wish I had seen this page sooner..
    I was so confused with my behavior.. my family thinks I’m crazy.. but it’s been depression all the time.. depression and suppressed anger of years of being beaten by my father (since I was 8 until now..I’m 25)
    I have nearly all the symptoms.. I’m very irritable.. especially towards my father.. I get very angry spontaneously, and I scream and hit my self when very frustrated, or attack him if he as much as puts a finger on me threateningly, and then.. I cry.. I cry so hard my breath comes out shallow and I wanna die.
    I don’t feel like working hard for anything job or study related anymore.

  • The GoodTherapy Team

    December 23rd, 2019 at 7:50 AM

    Hi, Lillieth. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. If you are experiencing a life-threatening emergency, in danger of hurting yourself, or in crisis, it’s very important that you get immediate help! Information about what to do in a crisis is available here: http://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html

    If you would like to consult with a mental health professional, please feel free to return to our homepage, http://www.goodtherapy.org, and enter your postal/zip code into the search field to find therapists in your area. If you’re looking for a counselor that practices a specific type of therapy, or who deals with specific concerns, you can make an advanced search by clicking here: http://www.goodtherapy.org/advanced-search.html

    Once you enter your information, you’ll be directed to a list of therapists and counselors who meet your criteria. From this list, you can click to view our members’ full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information. Please contact us if you have any questions.


    November 2nd, 2020 at 7:28 AM

    I CRY CAUSE IM GAY & EVERYONE IS LIKE ” you just want attention, you dont know anything yet”

  • sri

    January 21st, 2021 at 4:07 AM


  • CJ

    January 9th, 2022 at 7:12 PM

    Been angry, depressed and on various SSRI’s since the early 90’s. 12 years of talk therapy also. Anger and anxiety becoming worse over the past few years. Have recently found some mood improvement by eating eggs in the morning. I know, it sounds ridiculous but it’s working for me at the moment. Anyway, thank you all for sharing your experiences with anger and depression. It helps me to know I’m not the only one. And hang in there. Only the strong can shoulder depression. You are a Champion.

  • Dani

    May 24th, 2022 at 10:35 AM

    The article discusses the experiences of depression, irritability, and anger. It provides a great source of information for those who are looking to understand these emotions better. The author uses complex academic jargon to discuss the effects of these emotions on people’s lives. The article provides some great insight into how depression, irritability, and anger can impact people’s lives in both positive and negative ways.

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