Creating Shrines and Altars for Healing from Grief

Altars and Shrines: What Are They?
Archeologists have found evidence of altars and shrines in nearly all places where there is evidence that humans have lived. The predisposition to construct these kinds of sacred creations seems almost to be part of our DNA. Traditionally, shrines are memorials or monuments to the dead. We have made shrines for thousands of years throughout the world’s cultures.

Some well-known shrines include the Taj Mahal and the Egyptian pyramids. Public monuments such as the Vietnam Veterans’ Memorial, the Mount Rushmore carvings, the Lincoln Memorial, and the Martin Luther King, Jr., Memorial are all examples of secular shrines that honor the memories of individuals whose lives and deaths have influenced our history as well as countless individual lives.

We create shrines in public spaces, in our communities, in places of worship, and in our own private spaces. We create them after long preparation and fundraising, with thoughtful planning, through elaborate installations, as well as with less expense and fanfare. We may place them in our own private spaces, in a community gathering place, or at specific sites where a death or tragedy occurred.

Shrines may evolve as spontaneous collaborations, such as those created by students, faculty and families at Virginia Tech or Columbine after those tragic shootings. Those types of shrines are usually added to throughout the days following the shootings and provide a community gathering space. They become places where the shocked and grieving may seek comfort and support from others. Shared, spontaneous shrines often evolve into more permanent community memorials where the lives of those who died can be remembered. Street memorials, where family and friends lay flowers, trinkets, card, balloons, or works of art where loved ones died, can be found in cities all over our country.

In New York City, throughout the five boroughs, one can see the hundreds of Street Memorial plaques placed at spots where pedestrians were killed on the city streets. That movement arose from the St. Louis, Missouri’s Ghost Bike Memorial project where bicycles are painted white and locked to street signs near crash sites to memorialize bikers who died there. Think also of the highway memorials and shrines that can be seen along our nation’s roadways at the sites where someone’s family member or partner was killed in a crash.

Shrines may be created outside the homes or at the burial sites of well loved public figures or artists who have died, such as those created in honor of John Lennon, Princess Diana, Jim Morrison, and Edgar Allen Poe. Shrines can serve as places for solitude, reflection, and remembering but they can also be whimsical and celebratory like the brightly colored Day of the Dead shrines in Mexico’s annual festivities which celebrate and honor the lives and memories of loved ones who have died with parades, games, picnics and family gatherings. Shrines connect us to our past, to each other, and to something greater than ourselves. They serve to help us remember and to heal.

Sometimes there may be confusion about the differences between shrines and altars. Often, the words altar and shrine are used interchangeably. For the purposes of personal healing from grief, or your own personal spiritual expression, you can use which ever term you like. If religious connotations make you uncomfortable, you may prefer thinking of a personally created altar or shrine as a memorial, memory box, memory space, honoring space, remembering space, meditation space, etc. Your space can be called whatever you choose to call it.

Shrines are typically dedicated to a specific person, or in religious traditions, to a specific deity or saint.  In the case of shrines dedicated to people who have died, those can also be considered as memorials. An altar is usually thought of as a sacred space used for specific functions that may be associated with religious and spiritual purposes, such as worship, prayer, rituals or offerings. In religious traditions, the altar is usually the centerpiece of the worship space, such as in a church, synagogue, temple, mosque or sacred circle.

Many people create home altars as a personal sacred space for prayer, reflection, meditation or other specific spiritual and religious pursuits. Home altars can help us focus our minds on our chosen spiritual path and serve as daily reminders of a spiritual focus or our connection to Spirit. Altars may also be created and dedicated to specific deities or saints.

Altars can also be created with people as a focus. In my own home, I have little altars everywhere, with photos of my son, elements of nature (such as stones, shells or flowers), candles, or incense, place with other objects that help me to focus on peace and comfort, such as a lovely little Jizo statue or a statue of Ganesha. Shrines and altars can be as small or elaborate as you like. You may have many different shrines or altars for different things.

Why Create Shrines and Altars?
As the instructors at Life Path Center for Learning and Healing beautifully put it, “altars and shrines are external representations of interior mysteries.”  Shrines and altars are ways of showing in tangible form what might be happening in our hearts and spirits. Creating shrines and altars gives us opportunities to remember, to reflect and to honor, as well as to help heal the pain of loss through the act of creating. The creation of a personal shrine can establish a private place to which you can return to reflect, meditate, grieve, engage in a personal ritual, remember, and honor the one who has died.

Small, portable shrines can be carried with you where ever you go. These might be as small as a matchbook that can fit in your pocket or something a bit larger, like the size of a book, perhaps, that might be slipped into a purse or briefcase. A take-along shrine can allow you to maintain a needed connection with your loved one, or to create a sacred space for remembering or engaging in any type of personal ritual any time or place you may need or want to do so. Or you might prefer to create a more permanent shrine or altar that can be set up in your home or on your property using heavier more substantial elements, or a smaller semi-permanent type whose elements can be taken apart and used in other places or spaces. The choices are yours.

Creating Your Shrine
There are no rules or guidelines for creating shrines. The beauty of creating a shrine is that the ideas and materials are seemingly endless and the process, like the grieving process itself, is completely individual. A few guidelines might be helpful as you engage in the creation your own personal shrine.

Before you plan the look of your shrine, spend some time thinking about your loved one without thoughts or preconceived ideas of what you think your shrine might look like.  Here are some ideas that may help the process:

  • Make a list of words that come to mind when you think of your loved one.
  • Make a list of objects or things that you associate with your loved one.
  • Write down any words of wisdom, favorite expressions, funny or loving things your loved might have said.  If your loved one never spoke, write down memories that have stuck with you, specific times that you continue to return to, that seem to bring some peace and comfort and to remind you of their love.
  • Write down nicknames or pet names you might have used for each other and any associations those words may bring up .
  • Write down his or her favorite colors, flowers, foods, hobbies, talents, etc.
  • Research and find images that correspond to some of the things you have listed. You may find lots of interesting images on the internet that you can print and cut out for use in your creation or seeing the images may spark other thoughts or ideas that you may wish to incorporate in your memorial shrine.

To Create a Take-Along Shrine
Some artists suggest that a container be decided upon first before proceeding.  The container may help guide the process or selection of items used in creating your shrine. Some suggestions for containers which can be re-purposed as your moveable shrine:

  • Altoid tins (or other candy or gum tins)
  • Sliding matchboxes (these can be the very small sized matchboxes or the large kitchen match boxes)
  • Jewelry boxes
  • Gift boxes
  • Cigar boxes
  • Shoe boxes
  • Deep frames or shadow boxes
  • Drawers
  • Books (you can make a book into a box by cutting a rectangular shape into the pages and then gluing the pages together to create a container inside the book)

Gather basic craft supplies:

  • Scissors
  • Glues
  • Paints (acrylic craft paint is inexpensive and works well for this purpose)
  • Decorative and colored papers
  • Photographs, personal objects or other items related to your loved one
  • Anything else that you wish to add to your creation, such as

Ribbons, wires, sticks, dried flowers, string, yarn, decorative paper, wrapping paper, rhinestones, shells, small mirrors, glitter, charms, and beads, as well as anything that you like, that speaks to you, and that can be glued down.

Then, begin your process:

  • Prepare your surface by painting or covering the outside and then the inside of your container, allow it to dry completely.
  • Add background papers or images on the prepared surface if you wish.
  • Place the photo(s) of your loved one where you think it should go. Add your embellishments as desired inside and out: beads, glass pebbles, words, charms, etc., until you feel you have completed your shrine.

To Create a Semi-Permanent or Permanent Shrine
To create a semi-permanent shrine, decide on your location or designate a particular space, such as a table top or a special shelf.  You may want to visit thrift and antique shops to find the perfect small table or shelf that will serve as the base for your home altar/shrine.  Of course, you can re-finish, paint, and decorate these items as you wish, or you may choose to forgo the paints, glues and embellishments.

Your shrine is yours to create as you see fit. Once you’ve found your base, begin the assembling of your sacred space.  Gather together meaningful items that will help you focus on your intentions of memorializing, remembering, honoring, and healing. You might want to cover your altar with a special cloth or decorative mat.  Next, you may want to place a picture of your loved one in a special frame as the centerpiece of your shrine.  Add to this basic memorial anything you wish.

Some Suggestions:

  • Personal objects that remind you of, or which are connected to, your loved one. These might include other photos, jewelry, letters or cards he or she gave you, awards, trophies, caps, hats, and other items of clothing, favorite books, or items he or she used on a regular basis such as sewing scissors, razor, comb or brush.  The list here could be nearly endless.
  • Natural objects such as flowers, fruits, rocks, crystals, shells, sticks or branches from your back yard, pinecones, leaves, abandoned birds’ nests, etc. You may wish to change the natural objects weekly (such as fresh flowers or fruits) or monthly, changing out stones and shells or other things you may find in nature.
  • Candles, oil lamps, or incense
  • Small strings of lights
  • Chimes or bells
  • Religious or spiritual objects that speak to you, such as statues or photos of deities or saints, or other religious or spiritual symbols

You may add to or change the objects on your shrine as often as you wish. Many people like to add seasonal items, such as  a small Christmas tree or a Menorah during the holidays, various ornaments and items representing special times of the year such as your loved one’s birthday or other special days.

You can use your shrine or altar space simply as a reminder of your loved one or as an active part of creating and conducting your personal grief rituals. The planning, making, building and “adding to,” of your shrine can itself be a healing ritual. What you do with and how you use your creation is entirely your choice. Your creation is as individual as your personal journey through grief toward healing.

Please feel free to share your experiences with your own shrines and altars. If you do not have your own shrine or altar, whether or not you are grieving, consider creating one.  Shrines and altars can bring a great deal of peace and comfort, as well as serve as a reminder for us to slow down and focus on those things that are important in our lives—our loved ones, our hearts, and our souls.

© Copyright 2011 by Karla Helbert, MS, LPC. All Rights Reserved. Permission to publish granted to

The preceding article was solely written by the author named above. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by Questions or concerns about the preceding article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment below.

  • Leave a Comment
  • Albie

    August 31st, 2011 at 2:45 PM

    My little brother passed away when he was just six years of age. I was ten then but loved him immensely. I have preserved some of his clothes and other things. Whenever I miss him or it’s his birthday or any special occasion I pick up those things and it feels like I’m playing with my little brother again,just like we did in childhood.I cannot forget the tiniest of details of things and times related to those things.They are the shrine and altar for my dear brother.

  • Wes.D

    September 1st, 2011 at 12:31 PM

    When a retest strikes you’re left grappling with what it has blown away-taken away something or someone from your life forever.This can be hard on any person and congregating,building shrines and altars,holding remembrance meets are all a part of the grieving process and an attempt welt getting over the tragedy,to take it in one’s stride.

    Thisis a technique that we humans have learnt and it works quite well.

  • loretta gibson

    September 2nd, 2011 at 11:32 AM

    Aren’t memorial shrines within the home more likely to make you grieve more? Every time you see it, it will remind you of them and bring all those memories back in an instant.

    I feel it’s better to pay your respects at their graveside on a planned visit you can prepare yourself mentally and emotionally for than be constantly reminded of your loss every time you turn around.

  • Leslie

    September 2nd, 2011 at 5:24 PM

    I disagree with you Loretta.
    I think just the opposite.
    For me having me memories all around me of the person that I loved helps me to remember them in a positive light.
    It makes me happy to see their things and to be surrounded by that love that I had in my life.
    Can you understand feeling like that?

  • Savannah

    September 3rd, 2011 at 10:03 PM

    We’ve been doing this for a long, long time. These days humans with specialized skills that were greatly valued in the past aren’t held in the same high regard. For centuries a talented herbalist or a fantastic hunter was essential for survival of your group or tribe. They deserved adulation and admiration.

    Now, anyone can pick up a gun and shoot, or look up medicinal herbs if for some reason you need such archaic things. There’s few worth dedicating a shrine to purely for their extraordinary talents because the extraordinary has become ordinary.

  • vivian hewitt

    September 4th, 2011 at 4:27 PM

    @Savannah: Even if it’s old fashioned, respect for the dead is found in every culture in the world and so is grieving. Having a memorial of some sort also lets people know you’re open to talking about the deceased and that their death is not a taboo subject nor are they forgotten simply because they aren’t in the same room anymore. It’s a comfort.

  • m. townsend

    September 4th, 2011 at 5:33 PM

    I really get annoyed when people talk about healing from grief. People die. Five year olds know about death, and if you’re an adult, you are fully aware of your own mortality. Why would you grieve another human being’s death to the point where you need to heal from it? Set up a funeral, take care of the legal papers, talk about them with friends, scatter the ashes, celebrate their being in your life then move on to live your own.

    You’re alive! Make each day a gift. That’s what I would want my family to do, not mope around forever. That won’t bring me back.

  • Lynn

    April 26th, 2014 at 6:42 PM

    I don’t know how old you are, m. Townsend, or if you have children. Hopefully you will never suffer the death of your child, but if you do, you will think back to this statement you made out of ignorance and realize that you were so very naive.

  • Karla

    September 6th, 2011 at 10:18 AM

    Thanks to all of you for taking time to comment. I will say to Loretta, every person is very different. If in your experience, you feel that having a shrine in your home might increase your sadness, then it may not be for you. However, that even having photos of those we love who have died on display is an act of memorializing and remembering. My larger space for remembering my son–a bookshelf with his pictures, and several other items on it, has changed over time. It isn’t as elaborate and I now have taken down the bookcase entirely. Our mantel is now that central space, holding 2 pictures of him, a special candle, some statues I love and some other items that are very special to me. Other photographs of him and of our whole family are all over the home in various places. I think if we avoid placing photos or other items in order to avoid feeling sadness or because the memories are too overwhelming, there may be grief work that needs to be done. That said, each person is still individual and each person’s grief is as well. Not everyone experiences comfort from the same things. We each have to do what works for us.

  • Karla

    September 6th, 2011 at 10:31 AM

    Also, to m. townsend, I’m not sure what you mean being “annoyed” when people talk about healing from grief. I do agree with several of the things you say, including that people die. Yes, people die, every day. When people die, those who loved them grieve that loss. Grief is painful. Grief is a normal and natural reaction to loss. Mourning is the outward expression of grief. When someone we love, to whom we are deeply connected emotionally, whose lives are entwined with our own, when that someone dies, we hurt. Sometimes very deeply and for a long time. I disagree with the phrase “moving on” because to me, that connotes leaving something behind–I believe we move forward and we take the memories and the love of those we love who have died along with us. When our children, mothers, fathers, spouses, partners, sisters, brothers, friends die, they continue to be who and what they always were to us in our lives, but we do have to figure out how to have a new kind relationship with them once they are no longer here with us. We are also deeply changed and transformed by grief, if we don’t acknowledge that change and work on how to be in the world without someone we loved so deeply, we can get stuck. Grief work is real work, it is hard. I also agree somewhat with your “don’t mope around” statement. My personal belief is that my son doesn’t want me to be sad day in and day out, and that he does want me to be happy and productive–which I am. But I also think he would understand that it has been difficult, and at some moments and times, continues to be difficult, to manage the fact of his death and all that means on so many levels. Perhaps you have not suffered a loss of the magnitude that would make you wish for peace, comfort and healing from a pain so deep that the wound feels as though it will never close. Perhaps that makes you fortunate. I would say though, please don’t judge others in their grief, what grieving people need is non-judgmental support. I also hope that if you do experience that kind of pain from grief one day, that you will find the kind of love an support that can help your heart to heal.

  • Ian Weiss

    September 6th, 2011 at 5:51 PM

    Hear hear Karla and an excellent article that was too. Thank you.

    @m. townsend–Even if you are right, not everyone is as strong as you are and many are affected indirectly by death more than others. Some widows or widowers can move on quickly and some will wind up in a stupor for years to come. We’re all different and deal with bereavement in our own way. That’s what makes shrines and altars so meaningful to certain individuals.

    I don’t think anyone should be expected to “get over it” ever because you don’t, not 100%. What you do is learn to cope. You never, ever forget a loss.

  • Joan Tyler

    September 6th, 2011 at 10:13 PM

    I try to avoid grieving when a friend or family member dies because I don’t feel it’s right to cry while thinking about them. Long after their funerals, I often share what they meant to me with close friends and how lucky I was to have them in my life.

    I don’t dwell on their passing, more on how they impacted me in a good way. That’s my way of celebrating their time on this earth, keeping their memory alive. I totally get the need for shrines and altars.

  • Jane Howe

    September 7th, 2011 at 11:47 PM

    @Joan Tyler–It must be easier to cope with their loss if you can smile and say what an amazing person they were and how much of a friend they were. The tears from that come naturally too.

    I think we often cry for our own emotional loss and the void in our lives now, as much as for them suffering a physical death.

  • Olivia Bennett

    September 8th, 2011 at 12:38 AM

    I would think the deceased’s jewelry box would make a good container for the shrine. Jewelry is a very personal thing as is the jewelry box it comes in, and the box is likely as old as the jewelry itself if it was passed on. Some boxes also have enough space for a picture. That would allow you to keep all sorts of their small possessions together there.

  • Hild, Oscar

    September 12th, 2011 at 3:28 PM

    Maybe I’m not at a position to comment as I fortunately have never lost anyone close to me. However this seems like such a beautiful way to remember those dear in your hearts who have past on. It seems especially appropriate because of 9/11 being just yesterday that many people will create these shrines in their homes. While they might not be their in person, with a shrine like this one you will never forget that they will always be in your heart. I would encourage anyone having difficulty living with the loss of a loved one to create one of these ahrines. I am positive that these will make it much easier to grieve.

  • Mae Mills

    May 20th, 2012 at 8:07 PM

    My first born was born premature and died thirty-four years ago, in the Spring.
    Today, I made an outdoor memorial for him and his baby brother who was stillborn twenty-four years ago, in the Fall.
    There are no longer lost. They are home!
    I am fifty-nine and my husband is sixty-eight. We both feel the tight bond of our family.
    Our first born is buried hundreds of miles away. Our fourth child did not have a grave.
    They are home with us.

  • Paula

    December 25th, 2012 at 6:29 AM

    Loretta – maybe creating a shrine immediately after the death could be counterproductive, I don’t know, but it could also help the healing process along. Once you get the most painful initial healing out of the way though, this sort of thing can be hugely beneficial. It’s a reminder that no matter how long it’s been, you will NEVER forget your loved ones, and it helps you feel connected to them. Their influence on your life is permanent and I know once I create my shrine, I’ll look up at the pictures of my grandma and smile.

    I’m 19, I lost my grandma shortly before Christmas 2010. She was my best friend and my hero. I can’t wait to return home after the holidays and create something physical to remind me of our love for each other and to inspire me to live my life like she lived hers.

  • Karla

    December 26th, 2012 at 7:01 AM

    I would say to Loretta’s comment–those who grieve deeply don’t need a reminder. Shrines and altars are meant to be a testament to their lives, how important they are to us, and how much we love them. In my personal and professional experience, using the pain of grief as a transformative and creative power is incredibly therapeutic. Early on in grief, shrines and altars are typically much more elaborate because the grieving person needs to spend more time and energy channelling the pain into something that is expressive not only of their grief, but of their love. As time goes on, we need the shrines less and less. I don’t even talk about healing anymore because for something to need healing, it connotes brokenness or sickness and grief is not either of those things–there is nothing wrong, sick or broken. Grief is normal. What you are feeling in grief is natural. We don’t need healing, we need creative ways to express the grief. Each time you step into the place of pain, you come out with a bit less pain and the memories and thoughts of the person you love become less hurtful and more heartwarming. The wound is less and less raw. It remains with you, but with mindful expression and embracing the process, you can survive and thrive. And as the transformation continues, the pain can lessen.

  • Doris Graham

    November 18th, 2013 at 8:16 PM

    I have had a beautiful shrine to my son Eric for 8 years now. It makes me feel like he’s still in the house.
    Works for me:)

  • Mae M

    November 30th, 2013 at 7:46 PM

    I posted #15 .
    Today, I am creating an indoor shrine in my kitchen. My daddy spoke to men in calling me a nickname I hadn’t heard in years. “Miss Hollywood”. I didn’t know he was dead. It was about six hours after his death, I hear him in my kitchen as I am cutting several kinds of fruit.
    Our son was reburied and his stillborn brother has a grave marker next to him. My husband and I will buy a marker for us.
    After that with my daddy, I am happy. He didn’t forget to speak to me over 900 miles from where he died.
    Thank you.

  • Karla H

    December 1st, 2013 at 12:37 PM

    I think that is beautiful and I am so glad for you that your daddy sent you that message. I have heard many stories like this, though not everyone is fortunate to receive such a message. Though I believe that signs and messages can be all around us if we are open to them and we are looking.
    Love to you and your family~

  • Klh

    August 19th, 2015 at 2:44 PM

    I created a “shrine” for a loved one. I didn’t realize I did until I “opened” my eyes and everything I had of her was set up nice and neat in my closet? Like a display… I feel very depressed and anxious most of the time. Anyone with any advice or anything at all.

  • kiara

    November 28th, 2015 at 4:50 PM

    My baby brother passed away last year and my grandma passed away a few weeks ago. I’m making a shrine at both my moms and my dads house to honor them both. It still hurts and the pain doesn’t go away. It doesn’t get better either so I’m hoping the shrines will help me cope.

  • Cynthia

    February 1st, 2016 at 10:25 PM

    Klh, how are you doing? It has been just under 2 months since the loss of my son and I am not doing well, either. I am going to get therapy and go to a grieving group. I hope you are finding some peace or finding a space for the grief .
    Great article. So helpful.

  • Cynthia

    February 1st, 2016 at 10:27 PM

    Kiara, I hope you are healing as well after the loss of your grandma and baby brother. I know sometimes the siblings and grand-relations get overlooked with grieving. I send my condolences in case you see this again.

  • Mary

    September 28th, 2016 at 10:16 AM

    I had an alter with my grandma,mother and,most recent uncle, all on my mother side. My daughter and husband complained not in a harsh way not about my mother but about the rest of them because I wasn’t treated well by them. They think that I should let them be and just remember them when visiting their grave. I should only keep my mothers’picture with my religious memorabilia. I will feel better if I do that. What do you think? Mary


  • pam

    February 5th, 2018 at 7:39 PM

    My sister just lost her adult son who was living with her. She is inconsolable. Her pain is so great I cannot put it in words. I am trying to think of any way to help her, but I know her road will be long and difficult. Thank you for this site which gives a lot of information on shrines which I will share with her.

  • Cynthia

    February 7th, 2018 at 9:59 PM

    Pam, I am so sorry for the loss of your nephew and for your sister’s profound loss. I lost my son and found this article so very helpful. We did make a shrine and it has been integral to our healing. If you think your sister might like it, it might help to know that there are groups for bereaved parents both online and in person. What saved me is learning about NDE’s (so I could know my son didn’t suffer at the moment of death) and ADCs (so I could have hope of experiencing something so magical). Everyone has a different religious belief but if your sister is open to the idea of life after death she might be interested in the group Helping Parents Heal. Hope some of this helps. Wishing you, your sister and your whole family healing and peace <3.

  • Frank

    September 14th, 2019 at 3:05 PM

    I too found myself, not consciously, building a shrine for my mom. It started with her jewelry, then pictures, then I added some of the objects she loved, next thing I know, I built a shrine. I don’t know if this is a healthy thing because I have things of her all over the house, it’s spread out so there is no focal point. A shrine is a laser beam to an area “they” are at and I’ve wondered if that has not helped me move on. Some grieving “experts” also say it’s a bad idea because it’s an area of sadness, a reminder of what was that no longer is. I’m also thinking a shrine is like a physical anchor that’s keeping you from moving on with loving memories. I’d really like feed back from everyone because I really don’t know what would be best for me.
    And please, no one say “It’s up to you” or “Whatever you think is right” because I wouldn’t be asking if I knew.
    Thank you,


  • Cynthia P

    September 15th, 2019 at 1:12 AM

    Frank, I would never say I know anything but I can tell you my experience. As I see it, grieving is natural, necessary and appropriate, so why would it be bad to allow the feelings to come? I have been fortunate to have a supportive site to go to so I can connect with other bereaved parents who feel the same way and that may prevent some of the “getting stuck” concerns that can happen with grieving, but I know that I needed to go all the way through it to learn to carry it. Avoidance is a tempting survival mechanism, but I advocate allowing all the feelings and that is working for me. I gave myself total permission to feel everything that came my way. If I were in your position and wanted a shrine to visit and grieve and celebrate and talk then I would make one. And then I’d set a date to check in with myself, like 2 months later and see if you are doing “better” or “worse” and what you want to do. If you aren’t sure, set another check in date a few months later. I am so sorry for your loss and hope you find whatever support and connection you desire.

  • Diane

    July 8th, 2022 at 7:02 PM

    To Karla, your comments are well-said and wise!

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