Can Child Molesters Ever Be Rehabilitated?

Feet walking a white line on the pavement

While the terms “pedophile” and “child molester” are often used interchangeably, they do not mean the same thing. A pedophile is a person who is attracted to children, but not all people with pedophilia molest children. Many individuals who are attracted to children never act on their attraction, and some seek help in order to keep from harming children.

Pedophilia is considered by some to be one of the most difficult social problems to understand. The 5th edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual classifies pedophilia as a paraphilia, distinguishing it from pedophilic disorder: It is diagnosable as a mental health condition when it causes distress to the affected individual or to someone who is unwilling or unable to consent. Thus, according to this classification, having an attraction to children and not acting on it does not indicate a mental condition.

New research shows that pedophilic disorder may be neurological in nature, lending further support to the position that an attraction to children is not a choice. Some may find this difficult to accept, as those who do act on their desires and molest children have the potential to cause serious and lasting harm to many children. They may repeat their crime over and over until stopped by the criminal justice system. Many people may believe that, once caught, people who molest children deserve to spend the rest of their lives in prison, but the reality is that many of these individuals will eventually be released.

Upon release from prison, offenders are often required to enter rehabilitation programs, which are meant to redirect pedophilic urges and help a person refrain from harming children. These programs are often viewed with skepticism, as many believe that a person who molests children cannot be rehabilitated and that pedophilic urges will always lead to the sexual abuse of a child. However, there are several perspectives on the issue.

The Difference Between Pedophilia and Child Molestation

Psychological perspectives on child molestation vary greatly, but experts agree that most people who molest children fall into one of four categories:

  1. Children or teenagers under the age of 16 who are sexually curious and may experiment with younger children.
  2. Adults who have a brain condition, intellectual disability, or other mental health issue.
  3. Individuals who have an antisocial personality and may use children sexually but have no particular sexual desire for children.
  4. Individuals who are older than 16 and experience ongoing sexual desire for children. Sexual desire for children, or pedophilia, can be identified and treated or controlled with therapy and medication.

Ninety-five percent of all known instances of child molestation are committed by people with pedophilia. Other individuals may molest children for the above reasons, out of sexual frustration, or in order to maintain power or exert control.

Though nearly all those who molest children have pedophilia, many people with pedophilia will never molest a child, and some work to eliminate their attraction to children through various forms of treatment and therapy.


Dan Savage, who frequently writes on the topic of human sexuality, has published several accounts of people who, despite their attraction to young children, avoid being alone around children and are able refrain from committing acts of molestation. It is generally acknowledged that it may take a significant amount of self-control to avoid offending and that pedophiliac inclinations typically mean a person with pedophilia will find it difficult to have a healthy sexual relationship.

In several European countries, Savage points out, people experiencing a sexual attraction to children are often able to seek treatment confidentially. In the United States, however, an individual who discloses pedophilic tendencies may be arrested, as therapists and physicians are required by law to report anyone who poses a threat to children. This law, in addition to the stigma surrounding pedophilia and the limited number of resources available to those seeking help in the U.S., is likely to discourage non-offenders from seeking professional help, help that may enable them to continue to keep from offending.

Free and confidential prevention and treatment programs–such as Germany’s Prevention Project Dunkelfeld–may help those who are attracted to children refrain from acting on their desires. Some European countries do have lower child molestation rates than the United States, and this fact may be connected to the availability of treatment.

Many people who are attracted to children are horrified and frightened by their preferences and attempt to do everything they can to keep from harming a child. They may wish to attend therapy, explore ways to curb their desires, or take medication. Making treatment available and accessible to individuals before they offend may reduce instances of child molestation.

Chemical Castration

Chemical castration is one method that may keep child molesters from reoffending. Many states in the U.S. offer voluntary chemical castration in exchange for earlier release. Some states, such as California, mandate castration for offenders with multiple convictions as a condition of release. The treatment has been shown to greatly reduce sexual desire in men who are attracted to children and to lower rates of recidivism.

Those who have not yet harmed a child and who are committed to avoiding doing so may find relief from their desires through chemical castration. In some cases, an antidepressant, which may have the effect of further limiting one’s sex drive, is also prescribed.

Sexual desire cannot be completely eliminated by castration, a fact that leads many individuals to question the efficacy of the treatment and the risk of releasing offenders who may still experience some sexual desire for children. Another objection stems from the fact that the person undergoing treatment must be relied on to take their medication regularly. However, chemical castration has been shown to be effective for many individuals and thus is likely to protect many children who would potentially be victims of sexual abuse.

Group Therapy

Many therapists use group therapy as a type of treatment for people with pedophilic tendencies. Groups can provide a safe environment to discuss inappropriate and harmful urges, and the support of a group of individuals facing similar challenges may give some people the strength to avoid offending or reoffending.

However, when someone is involuntarily enrolled into group therapy and has no particular desire to stop offending, a support group can become a different environment. Other members may, knowingly or unknowingly, support a high-risk offender’s further attempts at molestation. But because mandated group therapy may be of benefit to some convicted offenders or those who are at risk for offending, group leaders may not wish to withhold a potentially helpful treatment from anyone. They may, however, choose to carefully screen participants prior to program entry and during treatment.

Aversion Therapy

Aversion therapy pairs an unpleasant stimulus such as an electric shock, pinch, or flick along with a pleasant stimulus. Sex offenders may use aversion therapy to attempt to eliminate their attractions to children. While this therapy can be effective, it often poses ethical problems, as therapists cannot shock their patients. It can also be difficult to maintain consistency with this type of treatment. Further, when aversion therapy does work, it is unlikely to do more than eliminate the attraction to children. It likely will not help people develop an attraction to age-appropriate adults if they do not already experience such an attraction.

Fake Porn

Psychologists have still not reached an agreement about whether pedophilia is a sexual orientation or a mental illness. Those who believe it is a sexual orientation may advocate the use of fake porn, depicting animated or CGI children, as a way for those with pedophilic tendencies to achieve sexual release. Some therapists have reported that this method has been successfully used to reduce an individual’s desire to molest a child.

However, other therapists point to studies demonstrating the effect pornography can have on sexual desire and express concern that such pornography may actually create or increase a desire to sexually abuse children. Many also question the ethics of making such pornography, even when it does not involve actual children.


  1. Early Diagnosis and Effective Treatment. (n.d.). Retrieved from
  2. Goode, S. D. (2010). Understanding and addressing adult sexual attraction to children: A study
    of paedophiles in contemporary society. New York, NY: Routledge.
  3. Jenkins, P. (2004). Moral panic changing concepts of the child molester in modern
    America. New Haven, CT: Yale Univ Press.
  4. Kaplan, M. (2014, October 5). Pedophilia: A Disorder, Not a Crime. Retrieved from
  5. Kincaid, J. R. (1998). Erotic innocence: The culture of child molesting. Durham, NC: Duke
    University Press.
  6. Nanos, J. (2014, March 1). Can Chemical Castration Help Pedophiles Tame the Beast Within? Retrieved from
  7. Schwartz, C. (2011, December 7). What Science Reveals about Pedophilia. Retrieved from
  8. Seto, M. C. (2008). Pedophilia and sexual offending against children: Theory, assessment, and
    intervention. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.

© Copyright 2012 All rights reserved.

The preceding article was solely written by the author named above. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by Questions or concerns about the preceding article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment below.

  • Leave a Comment
  • Ian B

    June 16th, 2012 at 11:52 PM

    Never thought about things from a molester’s point of view.Its like a criminal right? Everybody says put him behind bars but nobody wants to know why the crime occurred or what the problem was.

    If we are able to investigate and derive something from this I am sure it will have much better results than any stringent punishment ever can.


    December 23rd, 2018 at 2:09 AM


  • Michelle

    August 15th, 2019 at 8:32 AM

    sometimes, if they are alive before they get out of real prison, however most just want to commit suicide in the first place, before whatever . i dont think Felony Prisoners are allowed to have like Viagra anymore (especially after the fucking little episode with that ( ) known as Chelsea something . Like really, you going to spend that much cash of that so you can kill self? DO IT THEN .

  • John doe

    August 20th, 2019 at 8:28 AM

    People who side with child molester are mol;esters themselves feeling any remorse or forgiveness for them make you one of them.Therpist are responsible for continued molestations and all molesters should be locked up in jail where they arre no harm to anyone

  • Noname

    January 25th, 2020 at 4:07 PM

    I personally know someone who had been a child molester for 10 years. He got himself help. He chose to come forward. He chose to become religious and chose to stop his ways. He married and had a child that he never touched or hurt and he never molested again after he got himself help. You can’t make a blanket statement about everyone.

  • LORI

    July 24th, 2023 at 9:54 PM

    To the anonymous person who replied, how do you know that the person u know that molested, hasn’t done it again! I like how u stayed anonymous. The truth lies in that fact alone .

  • emma t

    June 17th, 2012 at 11:56 PM

    as much as it is a complex thing,we should try to send a firm NO to child molestation as a society. it starts right at home. most molesters are known to kids before hand and effective parenting can prevent a lot of those cases.effective parenting not only means monitoring your child but also making them aware of thing and talking to them about possible issues and asking them to alert you invade anything even close to the warning signs happens.


    December 23rd, 2018 at 2:00 AM

    Definitely EXTREMELY RARE, but John Wayne Gacy felt the need to keep his perversions “quiet” else his ‘availability’ to children would be SEVERELY CURTAILED since pedophilic birthday clowns, even at the height of clownliness (1950/60s) were not really give the respect that an actor playing a part would normally get (or get paid decently for it like the Saint Nicks or Mrs. ‘Claws’ who were regularly peed-on at department store Xmas displays (funny because ALL Major Retailers and Wholesalers BAT for the other team ;-)… BATmitzvah you night say ;-)

  • Mike

    June 18th, 2012 at 4:25 AM

    Look, you can try to rehab them all you want, but from my point of view, there ain’t nothing in the world that you can ever say about or do to one of these skanks that will ever make me trust them around my kids. How could you ever be sure that they are not gonna turn on your kid and harm them? There is just not enough of a guarantee that this wouldn’t happen for me to ever feel safe around them. You can say that’s harsh, but I feel that way about pretty much any criminal. You do the crime, you do the time, and that needs to be times 100 for anyone who thinks its ok to hurt a child.

  • T nugget

    June 11th, 2017 at 8:53 PM

    Well, i can certainly understand your point of view, and we SHOULD constantly be on the lookout, i don’t think anyone want’s to leave your kids alone with someone you don’t know, and certainly not someone with those tendencies, however, our media and pornography, and disney, all kinds of stuff affects us in different ways, i’m not condoning what they did, but we as a society, a progressive thinking society, need serious rehabilitation programs to fix people the best we can while they are young, so they dont end up reoffending in the future as adults, i see many adults who were just ignored by us and the system, no help was given to them from society, so they end up screwing up being left unchecked, it makes me sad, especially the people murdering suspected people who may or may not have these tendancies, i’ve seen doctors at the hospital flat our murder people who are suspected of this, it’s inhuman, and inhumane, we need them to get rehab not be murdering them. otherwise we are just as bad being murderers, it says THOU shall not kill, for a reason, i’m not bible thumping, but seriously, we need to help these people not kill them or lock them up forever, every case is different as people grow up differently, its not a one size fits all problem/fix, we need to study this more and find out WHAT is causing people to be like this, it’s in most cases i see NOT choice that they intentionally want to harm people, some people have very little impulse control, they need help, not torture.

  • JLewis

    August 7th, 2017 at 3:03 AM

    T nugget, I agree with you that the U.S. needs some type rehabilitation system. I also think that the we need programs that help those that want it, before they commit the crime they didn’t want to commit. I feel sometimes that the U.S. Judicial system doesn’t care about it’s citizens and eggs them on to commit crimes. Crimes that in most cases, could/should have been avoided. I have seen more than enough videos, read plenty of documents to understand and come to the conclusion, that our Judicial system is a systematic nightmare. Our Judicial system seems to be designed to keep you emotionally disconnected from everything and everyone, except other criminals!!! It’s like if you want help/a service for a this or that, you gotta go to another country! Our Judicial system is a terrifying unfunny joke! The Justice and Health Care system go hand in hand. Here we have what can clearly be classified as a neurological disorder/disease, and when someone goes to get help, they get arrested instead! Only because it’s easier to put people in a cage, then to treat them like humans!

  • LORI

    July 24th, 2023 at 10:01 PM

    Don’t want another generation doing it cause daddy did it to them . No rehab it doesn’t work !! Trust me

  • Ranger

    June 11th, 2017 at 10:28 PM

    I guess murder would be a better choice them?? I myself am a registered citizen. Im a level 3 even though I NEVER had any sex or their never came off. I had a touchy feely encounter with a 16 y/o when i was in my mid 20’s. This happened at a university Christmas party almost 20 years ago that was for adults 21 and older only (Alcohol was being served). The university people in charge of the of checking the ID’s let this teen in because she knew one of the security personnel. Im not condoning what I did, Im just saying that people need to know the facts of every case instead of drawing a broad brush like the government wants you to. Registries do NOT keep ANYONE safe. That is a PROVEN FACT! Its all abnout money. When I was convicted, the state got $20000 in federal grant for “monitoring and supervision” expenses. That was almost 20 years ago. Just think what that amount might be today . There are over 800,000 SO’s in the US right now. Times that by the $20,000 grant from almost 2 decades ago = $16,000,000,000. YES, 16 BILLION dollars, That was almost 20 years ago. I guarantee its alot more now….

  • Noname

    January 25th, 2020 at 4:24 PM

    My father was a child molester. He himself has been molested as a child and for about 10 years between around 1970- 1980 he was also a child molester. He molested my cousin from the ages of 10 into her teens. My cousin had repressed memories of her molestation but in the 90s, when she was getting help the memories came flooding back and the family did come to my dad about it and yes, my father admitted it. He got himself psychological help and he became a man of God. He found the church and got the help of a priest whom he was very close to and my dad over came or at least never acted on those urges again. He married my mother in around 78 and I was born in 83. My mother found out what happened in around 1991 or 1992. I can solidly say that my father never ever abused me physically or sexually. He was not even for giving me a slap when I misbehaved. I only found out about what had happened to my cousin after my dad died. But I believe he is in Heaven. My dad stopped the cycle. He stopped his urges and he could have very easily abused me sexually. He never did. He had been molested and grew to be a molester but, because he changed I am a grown woman today that the cycle of sexual abuse stopped with and it stopped because my father chose to get help and chose to be honest. People can change. You can’t clump all child molesters in one group. Yes it is an awful awful thing and if I was my cousin I would hate my father for what he did. But, the man who did those things was not the man that raised me and for that I have to say that rehabilitation can work if the person wants it to. My father went on to teach cadacism classes to children with no worry from anyone that he would abuse children. He worked as a voulnteer emt and he even became a home health care worker and never once did he abuse anyone else. He got help, he wanted help and he turned to the Lord. He taught me honesty, he taught me intergity, he taught me how to be a good person, to make the right choices, to do the right thing. I would not be who I am today without him making the choice to never hurt another child again. I respect him for changing though I hate what he did. But, we also have to make room for the people who are rehabilitated. Who know what they did was evil and wrong and yet have to go on living even though they wanted to kill themself (yes my father thought of killing himself more than once). I hate what you went through. I hate what my cousin went through. I hate finding out about all this after my own father and cousin have passed away. I just learned of what my dad did to my cousin this morning and i have a million thoughts racing in my head. But I know the man who raised me was a good and hard working man. I know he never molested me and I know that he had a million chances to do so.

  • End

    June 18th, 2012 at 10:41 AM


  • Bonnie

    June 18th, 2012 at 11:13 AM

    Let’s just say that the potential is there for rehabilitation, then what? What I would like to know is what therapist is going to want to serve this population and how will you ever really be sure that they have been completely changed? It’s like trying to change someone who is gay. If this is what he really is to the core then how are you ever really going to change that?

  • JackBlack

    June 19th, 2012 at 4:34 AM

    If you feel that this is your calling, to rehab these sick minds, then feel free to do it. However just know that you are doing this without the blessing and encouragement of most of the rest of the sane society members. I think that any of us with half a brain think that you should just lock them up and throw away the key. From my perspective, there are far more deserving people who could use some free therapy then these guys who use kids and then throw them away.

  • nancy t

    June 19th, 2012 at 3:47 PM

    This whole Penn State scandal has really put this issue in the limelight once again. I am not sure how I feel about whether or not they can get treatment and benefit from that, in that they will never harm a child again. But I think that for most of us who can in no way ever understand or condone this behavior it is so hard to rationalize even trying this. I think that as a Christian I want to say that I don’t judge and it is not up to me to condemn, but it so hard when it comes to situations like this.

  • Alayna

    June 20th, 2012 at 4:36 AM

    As a child who was abused by my uncle, I feel so torn because there is a part of me that really does not care at all what happens to him.

    Then there is a part of me that does care, because that is family and my mom’s brother. It feels weird to even say that, and I am not sure that I have ever told anyone that before. definitley not my parents.

    But what can I do? I have to accept that this happened to me, work through my own demons and move on. I can’t stay in the past reliving it all of the time because that does not get me anywhere.

  • Diana

    June 15th, 2015 at 4:27 AM

    It’s ok… that’s how I feel with my dad.
    I used to wish he would be raped by the people in prison. So he knew how I felt.
    But now I don’t. I actually will forgive him…so he can peacefully be able to change, if he means what he says… all I know it’s between him and God. God is the only one that can really see how his heart is.
    With me and my “dad”… we are not a family. I don’t see him as my dad… but I do sadly have this feeling of worry of him. Like when he gets out of prison. But after really thinking about it, he should be the one doing all the worrying. He should have thought of that before he did that to me. So why let that kind of responsibility with me? I do feel bad how he is gonna have a really hard time to get back to this world after prison. But I shouldn’t worry about that! I shouldn’t have to have him in my mind after all these years!! It’s not fair! He still tries to wanna be in our lives! He still sends us letters when we don’t reply.
    It’s like he has the nerve to think we would just let him back in our lives! It’s like… don’t I matter? What about me?!! Why be so selfish?

    Long post…just stuff I had to take off my chest…

  • mytwocents

    August 30th, 2012 at 6:04 AM

    We are only as strong as our weakest link. What we do to the least of our brother we do to ourselves. Get it?

    No, ok let me explain this way: The way we treat others has a direct link on the kinds of energy that we as a collective society create. Hating what we can’t understand will only insure that it won’t go away. If we really have any sympathy for our children and our future children we will care to solve the problem, ask the questions “where does this desire, behavior originate?”

    When you treat the underlying cause in individual as well as society, you treat the whole. You have to remember that energy doesn’t die it only changes form. When you cut off what doesn’t fit, you create the kind of energy that creates monsters that sprout up to infest and attack the weakest of society. And that is why anger wont fix any kind of evil. Only love with wise actions behind it will do anything of value. I understand the desire for revenge and feelings of anger but logic shows that responding in a way that spiritually creates more of what you don’t want is illogical. And that is why more must be done to solve the problem rather than add to it.

  • mythoughts

    April 25th, 2013 at 6:01 PM

    Yes its a bit different isnt it…we say that peodophiles shouldnt be near children..Yet again we allow bank robbers to vist banks?????

  • Jim B

    April 4th, 2014 at 5:37 AM

    That’s the stupidest thing anybody has said about child molestors in a while comparing them to bank robbers

  • Steve E

    January 26th, 2017 at 4:35 AM

    Is it stupid? Really? Aren’t both crimes? Don’t both stem from a form of covetousness or greed? How is it different from a man raping a woman, or abusing the elderly? The only difference is in how one perceives it. I would think twice before saying anyone is stupid for their views. I understand being repulsed by the idea of someone committing such an act. But pedophiles are people too. Granted, very sick people. But people just the same. Having been abused as a child myself, I think my striving to forgive my abuser carries a little weight.

  • julie

    May 15th, 2013 at 2:26 PM

    This has given me hope.
    My son was molested by my brother, and no one believed me. All I could do was keep him away. Now he is back in my son life thank to my mother how gave my son number to him. I have been told that I have not got proof of anything, again. But in my heart I know what with all the grooming and manipulation that my brother has done.
    But I need to know there is hope because was I can brake the bond that my brother has with my son.
    My son will need all the help he can get.

  • ralph c.

    May 20th, 2013 at 10:22 PM

    We must focus on the children to hell with the abusers.keep kids safe and abusers dead or locked up”

  • Al Green

    January 18th, 2014 at 5:09 PM

    Yes, I ruined a life by molesting a young teen. porno, drugs, depression, an unhappy marriage… my fault. I blame no one else for my act. And when I came to realize what I had done I wanted to take my life. But that was too easy.

    Twenty years later I am an advocate for the abused. And while I avoid all the things that led to my moral collapse, I believe it is like alcohol addiction. One slip and I could descend again. I would take my life before I ruined another.

    So I guess I am not cured. But I lost my family, my friends, my self respect, and carry around the knowledge of what I did. Life has never be the same.

    The story of what I did has been ballooned. Things I never did… its still no excuse. I did not deserve a second chance but I got one, and I am not going to blow it.

  • Nate d.

    March 6th, 2015 at 6:02 AM

    You should be in prison for the rest of your life. It’s not about you. It’s about your victim and their family and the lives you ruined. You should be VERY ASHAMED of yourself. And don’t try to justify it by saying all people fight desires.

  • Brailee G.

    August 10th, 2014 at 12:43 PM

    my father has not been in my life since I was 3 I’m in my 20s now he is out of prison and he wants to meet me I’m definitely would not consider meeting him by myself I would go with someone else but I’m trying to think of if he even deserves to see me. My mom never let me write to him he has no idea how I look…I just got in contact with his mom my grandma that lives in a diff state she is really nice n cool….she gave him my number the phone conversation wasnot what I expected but he is just near me until he gets parole to move….I would like advice =/

  • Diana

    June 15th, 2015 at 4:13 AM

    I know this is an old post but….for ME I would not want my family to accept my father back when he gets out of prison. If they take him back I’d feel very betrayed. Like they picked HIM over me! Idk what’s the real good answer on what is right or wrong but with us… I feel like he just really took us for granted. He was never a good father! Even if he never abused me, he was still a bad father with a bad temper! A bad father! A bad husband!! He failed us!
    Im 27, and literally he took my whole childhood away. During all that time, he failed as a husband to take care of the family. For me, he should of worried about us before he did the stuff to me like that.

    Since I’m the victim, I’m worried that I might end up seeing him. He has been locked up since I was 14. I think he gets out next year. I still have trouble telling him to stay away from us… I wrote two different letters to send him and I still have not… it’s harder than you think…but I think I finally made up my mind of what to write…

  • uka

    October 18th, 2014 at 11:02 PM

    All criminality originates from sex.To be precise,childhood sex taboos,inhibitions,deprivations,rejections,especially of this kind we’re discussing here.Every human beimg is capable of doing one abominable act or the other,but for the fear of God,or man or both.We are all living under intense self control and should look with pity towards convicts as those who failed to control themselves.I am better than you attitudes,expressions and purnishments towards criminals,only breed new ones.Yes I agree that criminals must pay.But it all depends on what man calls a crime.A victim feels injured later,because society says it’s wrong.So was sodomy,now made legal.My advice is that all sexual acts should be monitored,guided and tutored.Just like sex education in schools have succeeded immensely to curb teen pregnancies.I mean,since we cannot stop them and won’t be there when it always happens,show them how to do it safe.I tell you,because this is the begining of all crimes and is treated well,we might just have discovered a great way of curbing crimes,make society safer and living on this planet most blissful

  • Nancy

    November 24th, 2014 at 10:03 AM

    What has happend to our is children is hurtful and tragic. Does anyone know or understand that there are all kinds of illness . Remember satan is the cause o sickness and death God is our father of love this world is in this condition because lack of love. The molester himself is in pain and is suffering because of some form of abuse that has happend to him maybe at a young age where is his help.It is our responsibility to protect our children and help them when there is an abuse situation, and if it is a family member, don’t we want our loved ones to get some form of healing without being hated, did God say love is partial?

  • Thewife

    January 9th, 2015 at 10:27 AM

    If you would have asked me what I thought about a pedophile or a child molester about a month ago I would have told you a black and white answer. “Run em’ over. No one should harm a child or create a market for child pornography. Ask me today and I answer is now filled with a million shades of gray. I found out my husband after 10 years of marriage was involved in this very situation. The criminal has a real face. A personality. …Ive grown up with him. We met when we were 15…both worked at a grocery store.. he was shy. Nervous about girls and we literally hung out for years before either one of us made a move. I joined the military and he supported me every step of the way. Called me often and sent me care packages. We cited over the phone While I was trapped in Germany for xmas and he divulged things to me that happened to him as a child (molested by his sister and his father)…While I am still incredibly mortified by everything….I believe that it is a combination of nature and nurture…I believe that he is very scared of spending the rest of his life and prison and scared that this will define him the rest of his life…it probably will. I will however visit him and seek rehab for him and a psychologist. Now more than ever he needs help and support. He definitely won’t get to be the parent he wanted to be….or the person he wanted to but I will be here to reassure him there can be a life after prison… You get one life to live. Don’t squander it.

  • Amber

    January 21st, 2015 at 10:53 AM

    @Thewife… Is there life after prison? With this kind of record it is very difficult and almost impossible for these people to get jobs when they get out. They can NEVER be rehabilitated although I think the urges they feel can be controlled. I was like you and used to think these people should be in jail for the rest of their lives but now I am not so sure. Most of these people have mental disorders and let me tell you prison is NOT the answer! If anything it’s making it worse! The abuse they suffer is.. well lets just say there are no words. I know most of you will say that they deserve it and your probably right but these are still someone’s husband, son, father, brother! The whole system is very sad. The prison system is awful!

  • Heidi

    July 25th, 2015 at 10:54 PM

    Thank you I agree

  • Charlee

    February 3rd, 2015 at 4:38 PM

    It is proven fact that child molesters and pedophiles can not be rehabilitated!!! Stop wasting time and money on jail sentencing!! The only Real way to cure a pedophile and child molester is death. Line them up on the court house lawn and hang them all!!!

  • Lyc

    July 3rd, 2015 at 6:11 PM

    Agree completely.

  • Heidi

    July 25th, 2015 at 10:53 PM

    I use to feel that way too. But i don’t want to be that ugly. I want awareness. I hate hate

  • Lori h

    March 15th, 2015 at 9:47 AM

    Can I report someone I know he is a child molester and I just found out he has a son can I report him because I don’t believe child molesters can be helped and should he be allowed to be around or his son or in his care not sure if the mother of his child knows his history on who he is thank you

  • Lori h

    March 15th, 2015 at 9:50 AM

    This same loser raped me too I don’t think he can be helped

  • Brittany

    May 22nd, 2015 at 8:33 PM

    Hi Lori, I am sorry that happened to you, no one deserves that to happen to them. You are incredibly brave to stand up to keep other children safe yes anytime you suspect a child may be in danger, you may call your local child protective (or family) services If a person hurt a young person in the past, we want to prevent it happening again to another child. Be ready to provide information about the perpetrater and the victim (or potential victim).

  • Brittany

    May 22nd, 2015 at 8:40 PM

    Based on information provided, the intake specialist/social worker will determine whether or not a case will be opened.

  • bern

    March 30th, 2015 at 5:18 PM

    I think child molesters should be institutionalized for the rest of their lives. They cannot be helped. They should loose all their rights especially when they hurt and manipulate a child. They are grown adults that can seek help before they take advantage of a child they know about patient confidentiality they have no excuses. Being afraid of what society thinks of them is a useless excuse. Society will judge them a hell o a lot more of they take action on their impulses rather than seek help. Child molesters and pedophiles are all monsters.

  • kym

    August 9th, 2015 at 2:34 PM

    I agree! They need to have there hands cut of so there can never hurt another child again. I don’t understand how these sick creeps get out of prison and walk the streets.PLEASE we’ve got to protect our child and make very strict laws!!! So our children are safe.

  • John Doe

    February 16th, 2017 at 11:29 PM

    “they know about patient confidentiality they have no excuses”. That is exactly the problem. They do know that there is NO patient confidentiality if the therapist thinks that there is a possibility of the patient harming someone or committing a crime. BY LAW, they have to report it or they can loose their licence. So going to a therapist is a real concern for an offender. I am a sex offender who committed my crime more than twenty years ago. I have extreme guilt and remorse for what I have done. I suffer from severe depression and anxiety because of what I have done. I have even tried to kill myself, but was found still unconscious three days later and hospitalized. I have been through sex offender treatment and have continue to get treatment. I am also in treatment (and on medication) over my self hate and loathing. I have not been able to forgive myself for what I have done. I don’t think I ever will. However, every time that I have to start seeing a new therapist I have to take my time talking to them before I can truly open up to them. Some I was never comfortable enough to open up to, and had to look for a different therapist. This is after over twenty years since I committed my offense and I have never committed another offense. Rehabilitation is possible, the person just needs to want to be rehabilitated.

  • Greyman

    February 17th, 2017 at 9:41 AM

    HI John Doe
    Would you say that it was metal illness that caused you to commit the act? I’m not here to judge but to understand things more as I feel that sometimes there is not enough help for people.

  • John Doe

    February 18th, 2017 at 9:33 AM

    Greyman, I do not think of it as a mental illness, but I don’t know what to say caused it. I do know that I wasn’t thinking straight. I have always liked teenage boys since I was a teenager. It was sort of like my sexual taste and desires had gotten stalled at that age. I thought of me and the boys as equals. I felt as if we were dating and that I was in love. I thought they felt the same way about about me. Since then I have come to realize how much I was projecting my feelings on the boys, and not seeing how they really thought of me. Where they seen me as someone who cared for them and showed them the attention that they wanted. They did not think of me as a lover, but was willing to do that to keep the care and attention they wanted. That is actually the saddest part of it all. I allowed myself to use the boys need for someone to be there for them to my benefit. I thought of it as dating, but in reality, I was ignoring things should have been obvious to anyone. I think I didn’t want to see the truth. I was very much in denial. I don’t know what to call it…ignorance…mental illness…or whatever. I just know that it wasn’t right. I know that I will never let that happen again, and that I will do whatever it takes to ensure that it never does. Knowing what I did and what the boys went through and may still be going though haunts me continually. I have been depressed and on medication since I have been released from prison. It has been so bad that I have not been able to work for the past five years. I am in a relationship with a man the same age as myself and me not working has caused a big strain on our finances. I thank god for the VA, otherwise I don’t know what I would do. I couldn’t afford my medications, much less my psychologist and therapist.

  • Greyman

    February 18th, 2017 at 3:11 PM

    Hi John
    Thanks for sharing. I really believe most who have maybe committed certain acts do feel bad for what they have done. It must come back to haunt them from time to time. Hoping the medication is helping, I guess what happened in your scenario is in the past but talking about it is hopefully in its own way therapy. We are facing the past so to say when we talk about it, sometimes that can be something that is very hard to talk about for the first time. If I could ask you this question, Do you feel as if society has accepted you back so to say, sorry if I’m not making much sense there. You were mentioning that you are finding it hard to forgive yourself, Would you say that this is causing you a lot stress, maybe it gets to a time we have to start forgiving ourself, treating ourselves with a little compassion. I suffer from ocd harm related thoughts and my chances of acting out the thought is very low but I do find it interesting talking to someone who is maybe on the other side of it so to say.

  • John Doe

    February 19th, 2017 at 5:49 PM

    Hi Greyman
    It haunts me to the point of depression several times a week. The medications helped for years allowing me to work. Then the depression would take over again for a year or two. I’d get new meds then get back to work for a year or so, and now it has been five years of depression and anxiety to the point I have not been able to work. The meds do help get me out of bed more and some with the anxiety. I can leave the house more often, once or twice every week or two, However, I usually only leave the house a couple of times a month except for doctor’s appointments.
    This is from what happened in late 1993 (release from prison in late 2004). It does help to talk about it, but it makes people too uncomfortable. I do talk to a therapist now, and she also told me that I need to forgive myself, but I can’t. I have always considered harming a child the only unforgivable thing. Then to realize I was the one doing it. How can I forgive myself? I’ve tried seeing other therapist in the past, but was unable to find a therapist that seemed to care or that I felt able to open up. I feel comfortable with the one I have (it took time with her for me to get to this point), but now they are talking about switching me to a different one. With the VA I have to use who they give me, or stop seeing the therapist until I can see a new one. I hope this new one works out.
    My family and few friends I have do support me, but they can’t talk about it. That’s the people that care about me. As for the rest of society (or the majority of it), they would rather see me locked up forever or dead. Every job I have had since being released, someone has always found out and started trouble for me. I’ve even had it happen in my apartment complex. It sucks. It is nice being able to talk to someone like you.

  • Greyman

    February 24th, 2017 at 1:24 PM

    Sorry I took a while getting back to you, I think I may of tried to post a comment but it was on the wrong bit or something never work. oh well no worries.
    Our mind can be a very powerful thing and when it comes to certain thoughts it can be debilitating. Hoping you are able to get out more as I feel the fresh air can do us wonders, even like a walk to the shops every now and then can be great. I tend to feel the more that we stay in the house, the more time we have with our mind which might not be a good thing. Your therapist is right you do need to maybe forgive yourself if it helps you moving forward so to say. It can be difficult if we are switching therapists, I know that sometimes it’s something that has to happen from time to time due to many reasons. I think that tends to be a very important point is if we get that connection with the therapist we are seeing as it means that we can express our worries or whats on our mind a bit better. That’s good that your family are still supporting you, I remmenber reading a case about a boy who killed his mother in a brutal way but he’s getting the help and support from the therapists and his family who are standing by him, we need the support I feel sometimes. You mentioned something at the top of your comment along the lines of it still haunts me, you sound to me like a good person who has done bad in the past but that very statement tells me you are a good person who I would imagine would jump at any opportunities to help others.

    Try to focus on the small steps instead of the big ones. Like for example the big would probably be something along the lines of getting a job. I would say start with something small maybe try to get out the house more often if you can.

  • John Doe

    March 4th, 2017 at 4:43 PM

    I’m sorry it took so long for me to get back to you. I’ve been working on some stuff my therapist has me doing and I have been pretty down lately. When I focus on what happened it really gets me depressed, but I know I need to keep facing it until I’m able to forgive myself and move on with my life. It’s just hard.
    I think working on the little things such as trying to get on a regular sleep schedule for a start is a good idea. Thanks for the suggestion. I’m keeping this one short so I’ll right write more later.

  • Greyman

    March 15th, 2017 at 1:49 PM

    Hi John Doe

    It will be hard work and it would probably be something that will take time. Those little steps I believe can help, it might not seem like that at the moment but focusing on the small steps we can take can be very helpful in the long term. If we do find ourselves getting caught up on the past so to say we probably won’t advance forward. Therapy is a really good thing, I remember being able to express my worries without being judged and also received some CBT which was to try to change my thinking about things. I know this really is not the place to talk about ocd as such but I felt that it kind of relates in terms of feeling certain urges to do things. (I know this is something an ocd sufferer would never act on) Going back on topic, do you feel that the rehabilitation process was something that was helpful? Hope you are able to move forward.

  • Kristie

    April 25th, 2015 at 5:18 PM

    Idk. But my mother left me with my grandmother which was her mother from the time I was 1 until the time I was thirteen. My Grandmother was a child molester she done a lot of evil things to me. She put her hands all in my private parts and the she touched me and I was so scared of her. She was very evil. I am a female and I am only attracted to men. When I got 14 I reported the molestation to my counselor and they got help for me I was able to go to a group home. I was scared of her so I told them my daddy was the guilty party because I think I trusted him and victims usually blame who they trust. Plus I did not want people to think I was gay because my grandmother looked inside my body everyday and told me to. She finally died in 2001 and God made a way for me to go see my dad and apologize to him for blaming him but I was scared of her not him.

  • Hurt mother

    May 24th, 2015 at 5:04 PM

    I finally filed the report that my boyfriend molested my daughter. I still don’t know 100% for sure if it happened and I feel so guilty for reporting it and the fact that I can’t let him know I did so untill they do the investigation. Why do I feel this way? I love him so much but if he hurt my daughter why do I feel guilty for turning him in? Is there something wrong with me?

  • Hurt mother

    May 24th, 2015 at 5:06 PM

    I also don’t understand why I can’t stop hurting over the loss of our family (we have a daughter together as well)…. Help please

  • Diana

    June 15th, 2015 at 2:27 AM

    I guess you feel guilty because you never thought you’d be in this position before. But you are doing nothing wrong to wanna make sure your daughter is safe or not. Your children are always your first priority. Especially in this situation.
    Besides, if your bf did nothing wrong, he shouldn’t worry. And WILL go on with the investigation! Trust me on this one. Don’t let him try to control you in to making you not continue with this investigation. Always listen to your guts as well. Better safe than sorry, no?

  • Shandell

    June 28th, 2015 at 6:07 PM

    Well,My ex- husband was arrested in Aug. 2013 and sentenced on a lesser charge of indiscent behavior of a minor under the age of 13, in april 2015. my son was 8 at the time and was diagnosed with Autism at age 3. We r in couseling! Recovery is in the early stages. Our story is mind blowing! I’ve cycled thru many emotions. At first Hate and very ashamed to admit I even cared about the monster I once loved dearly. Now? I except his call’s from prison. at fist we wrote back and forth. Mostly for questions that needed answering. He is sorry now! NOW after getting 12 years hard labor. He has a chance 4 parol in Aug. 2017. My son is 10 now. He is happy his father is in prison and still has nightmares. Wonders if his dad will escape… Which brings me to the most difficult part. I still do not know how he truly feels or thinks about the whole story of his life. His Dad wants to recover and seek professional help. U see! Most people who do such evil things to a child was once done to them ata very young age. I uncovered some secrets that should not have been kept in his family. It’s all in the pattern of abuse, but not all who have been abused in such ways become the monster. Some like myself become the protectors which is why I felt shame in not being able to protect my children. He hid it very well. I am very proud of my son 4 coming forward about this. In some ways I am relieved. some ways I still miss the man I thought he was. I so want and prey that a pedifile can just stop being a pedifile. But how can u love with out trust is the big question. we r going to be in theropy 4 years to come. To NOT forgive only hurts one person. Yourself! Who know’s maybe I will write a book.

  • sara

    July 14th, 2015 at 5:42 AM

    After reading your story I felt I was reading about myself. My ex molested my daughter who was 6then. We just had our own baby who was 3mos when this happened. I fell deeply in love. I went thru the cycles of emotions also. Never saw it coming. He was good. I’ve lost so much trust. He got a life sentence. Found out later sexual abuse was going on in his own upbringing.but my first responsibility is safety for The children. He even taught the kids about bad touches. He was very smart in manipulating. With some I believe its a learned behavior. I don’t plan on seeking counceling with him. I need to preserve my own life. It was too devastating and hurt so deeply. I forgive but hard to trust again. I will never understand the attraction to children

  • Heidi

    July 25th, 2015 at 10:50 PM

    I was molested by my uncle when I was 4. Horrible life changing experience. Never fully talked about it with my family but everyone knew. I feel mossy terrible about not exposing him and stopping his addiction. I went through major periods of anger, shame, etc. But the worst was the obvious secrecy around my experience. I wish I was safe enough and encouraged to talk. I don’t believe at this point life imprisonment is the right solution. I think intervention, counseling, breaking the cycle is the only way to truly heal. As perpetrators and victims.

  • jennifer

    July 18th, 2015 at 11:46 PM

    Yes iam a mother with a son who is in jail right now on a child molestation charge but has not been indicted yet he also haves mental and psylochogal problems they just got my son sitting there he haves a public defender also no my son isn’t a child molester is just the way Georgia laws are if one is older then the other one I was reading this article and yes there are two diffreant kinds of people but my son doesn’t pray on younger people I just wish I knew what to do to help him out becz has a mother it would be diffreant if he like did something like most of these people have done to children but his story is complety diffreant then a lot of em he doesn’t even member doing anything I just wish people would tell me what is child molestion cmon now i just want my son to get help and not be locked away like no monkey or anything like that can someone help me please.

  • Shandell

    July 30th, 2015 at 7:53 PM

    I’d like to ask an expert on this web sight. Can a person who’s been sexually abused as a baby. Beaten and traumatized by other family members while growing up, Just change? Stop being a pedofile? Locking people up and expecting them to just stop or change on their own is not the answer. Some couselors say if he really wants to change He will find a way. He admits what he did and goes into the reasons. He couldn’t stop himself he said, then felt remorse and guilt and to ashamed to seek help. He also did not want to end our marriage and if he opened his mouth he knew it would. I cut hair. Heard many stories and most go unreported. Something! some kind of intervention has got to happen. Another problem is we have found only one professional in our area that deals with this type of problem specifically and charges 150 a session. Not many options 4 help. I mean 4 him to be rehabilitated. Please respond! he wishes he’d come forward before he hurt our son. He feels a sense of freedom that it’s out on the open and not a secret anymore.

  • The Team

    July 31st, 2015 at 8:34 AM

    Hi Shandell,
    Thank you for your comment! We do have a weekly column in which therapists answer readers’ questions, called Dear You might consider submitting your question to our panel of therapist writers through this channel. You can read more about this opportunity here:

    Wishing you the very best,
    The Team

  • Liz

    September 1st, 2015 at 8:51 AM

    Well this story is a lil different,I have a sister we used to live together with our husbands and kids,one night my husband woke me up saying get up something is going on with your niece and your sister’s husband,well I got up and I went to my nieces room I asked her what was going onshe was crying. But she told me that her step dad touch her private,my sister ask hem to leave we didn’t make a report or anything,a week past and I thought my sister was going to do something and she didn’t that happend a sunday and by the next Saturday my sister was sleeping with hem again but in he’s house,well time past and then we find out she got pregnant from the same guy,my niece used to cry with me,or text me saying do something I don’t know what my mom is thinking and stuff like that so I felt so bad for my niece but still don’t do anything I was afraid to get my sister in trouble with CPS..well I went to a trip I took her kids with me including my niece of course,when we came back she already had the newborn baby and this guy living back at the house,my niece went to school and said everything to her counselor,when they told her that they can take the kids away from her mom she felt bad and said I forse her to do it when is not true,well she went back home,saw her mom crying and felt guilty now my sister ask her to go back to her counselor and say she lied about the child molester,my consern is I know now this guy smokes meth what should I do?

  • Katrina

    September 1st, 2015 at 2:02 PM

    I just found out that my boyfriend molested his daughter 12 years ago. My thought was always hang them all, if you can hurt your own child that’s unacceptable. He was abused when he was a child. I told him especially then he should know better. I feel sorry for him because he grew up this way but I don’t understand why he would do that to his own child. I am angry at him and can’t look at him the same way. He is begging me to forgive him and that he has been working so hard to be a better person. I don’t know what to do. I feel for him but this is against my beliefs I don’t know if there is a way to get passed this is there?

  • shandell

    September 2nd, 2015 at 8:16 PM

    To Liz, A forensic interview will most likely happen. Specially trained people will gather evidence to prove if any indecent behavior was done to the child. U must file a report with the police or he will do it again. He must first be held accountable before he can move forward. Then rehabilitation. This will not be a gerauntee or a for sure fix. However this will help teach him a lesson he really needs. I will pray 4 ur family and all others who face this kind of sickness. Please make sure the children seek professional help to end the cycle of abuse. PLEASE find help for them at least.

  • Christian

    October 30th, 2015 at 2:38 PM

    I used watch child porn before I I’ll never act on a child but I got molested when I was young. I don’t want look at child porn again . but I get tempted . I’ll never act on a child . I’m not perfect please destroy judge me.

  • shandell

    November 2nd, 2015 at 8:35 PM

    Hello Christian,
    U commented and reached out 4 help I think. Be aware that this type of abuse has a vicious cycle that spreads in ways that is hard to imagine. U were molested and I truly am sorry that happened to u. befor u have children of ur own seek help! and fast! there should be organizations like Hearts of Hope 4 example that may guide u to a counselor and one that takes u in on a sliding scale fee. minimum of $20 a session. Don’t wait like my Ex-husband did. In that cycle I mentioned and ashamed to speak out. Please seek help.

  • Greyman

    November 12th, 2015 at 3:33 PM

    My mind keeps telling me to do bad things, this is pure hell living with a mental illness that tells you to do very bad things. It makes it feel like urges and the more you fight it the more the mind will tell you to act on those urges. And for someone who has acted against their yip acted against their will because mental illness can make you do something that is the complete opposite to your personality. If someone with actual mental health problems acted on their thoughts I don’t think castration would help even though I do think it is a good idea but not if the actual person suffered from mental health problems because that tends to me that it was not their sexaul desire but a rather screwed up mind.

  • Greyman

    November 12th, 2015 at 3:40 PM

    No I have not acted on any of my thoughts just in case it sounded like I did in my last comment.

  • The Team

    November 12th, 2015 at 4:51 PM

    Dear Greyman,

    We saw your recent comments on this blog article and would like to thank you for sharing. From your comment, it seems as if you may be in some distress, and we would like to encourage you to reach out. You can search for a therapist in your area by entering your ZIP code here:

    If you feel that your thoughts may manifest as actions, please contact local law enforcement or visit your local emergency room. Here is some more information about crisis situations:

    If you would like to review some information about therapist/client confidentiality, you can review our page on the topic here:

    Please know that help is available, and we wish you the best of luck in your search.

    Kind regards,
    The Team

  • shandell

    November 12th, 2015 at 11:03 PM

    To, Greyman ; I agree about mental illness. My Ex-husband was diagnosed with several types of mental illness and I loved him anyway. Still do! We started talking from jail. He still does not understand why he could not stop himself. part of him wanted to the other part didn’t. Which is y it is so important that ur best side the good side keeps leading u. DO NOT let ur self give in. Look we all have this battle between good and evil inside of us. The important thing how to act on it… Remember it’s a choice! I wish u the best ! Good Luck on getting help finding a counselor who understands is hard to find. Don’t give up K :)

  • Greyman

    November 13th, 2015 at 2:00 PM

    Thank you very much for your comment Shandell and the therapy team.
    I will check those links that you sent, thank you. I’m getting some counseling at the time being and being able to open up is very important. I got diagnosed with ocd but at times I feel as it might not be ocd and I will act on them which scares me a lot. Hoping your ex husband is doing okay Shandell, that must of been a stressful time for all involved. If you don’t mind me asking how is your ex husband getting on now Shandell is he able to open up to people if he is in distress?

  • shandell

    November 15th, 2015 at 9:21 PM

    To greyman, it was a very stressful time 4 us all. still is but getting better. he is in the perish jail. I visit him and write and talk often. he keeps the reason 4 being locked up a secret and came up with a cover story to keep from being retaliated against. When he is in distress I am the only one he can turn to who understands. Which is really emotionally complicated. I was the one who discovered what was done to him as a child. He was beat frequently by his mom 4 trying to talk about what was going on. He Grew up all screwed up. One of the worst childhoods I’ve heard. being married for 11 years. I’ve seen his mom in action. She’s passed on now. So he is alone! He has found his faith in there and is glad he confessed. He wants to seek help and so regrets not coming forward sooner to stop the abuse. But yea his whole life is in distress. All I can do is pray 4 the change I have been waiting on. He is looking forward to getting help. We r talking about writing a book. Greyman, I hope u can find a friend that understands ur issues. See I have had this type of abuse in my childhood aswell. I became the protector he became the monster. Its like we r on the same boat but on opposite sides. To understand is to not be judged! I do understand ur distress! sometimes the urges, voice or instinct that seems so impossible to go against is well really somehow connected to u in ways that u may not see. Its like a wolf convincing a sheep it needs to be eaten.
    U must understand that u allow these things in ur heart to control u, which is YOU…. see u control in to go in u let it. U can control it to go out and stay out…. U have the power! Yes u do! U do have a choice. I am so glad u reaching out for help and never give up K… no matter how grim life can seem. fins ur heart in it’s center. Get right in faith with the only one who has battled satan himself. Who has died for ur sins and is alive in heaven. He can protect ur heart. See its all a battle that everyone faces!

  • Greyman

    November 17th, 2015 at 1:36 PM

    Thanks for sharing Shandell
    That is good to hear that your ex is going to be getting some help and yes that will be something to look forward to as it becomes an interesting journey for all involved. I remember back to a therapy session where my therapist asked me to throw him outside the window. I knew deep down that this is something I would never act on. My sort of thoughts are harm related where my mind could be taunting me to do bad things.

    That does sound good that you are thinking about writing a book as well, I think you will have a lot interesting things to say and the more that we do spread words that will create a better society I feel. The one place that does seem very popular is amazon self publishing which had attracted a lot of authers for the kindle e-books.

  • Texasborn

    December 14th, 2015 at 9:18 AM

    I’m doing research to try to understand my brother’s actions.
    He was convicted of molesting his own daughter, from ages of 9-13.
    Can this kind of behavior run in families? My father also served time for rape, but not of a child.

  • Texasborn

    December 14th, 2015 at 9:21 AM

    In addition; my father was a child of rape, meaning his mother was raped and he was the product of that rape. He was born in 1937.

  • Believe16

    January 7th, 2016 at 12:55 AM

    Hi there I just found this website because im looking for help for my husband.
    Its heartbreaking to deal with this and to understand that he is mentally illed and needs help.i just found out that
    He molested my sister (10yrs old)
    What horrified me was when i found out that this wasn’t the first time he’s done this..
    He has previously done it to 2 other girls around the same ages years ago.
    Hereally needs help.
    His parents were aware of the orher times but didn’t help him and now with this 3rd time, i just can’t act like nothing happened. My husband needs help!!!

  • The Team

    January 7th, 2016 at 8:37 AM

    Dear Believe16,

    It may be helpful to consult with a mental health professional. Please feel free to return to our homepage,, and enter your zip code into the search field to find therapists in your area.

    Once you enter your information, you’ll be directed to a list of therapists and counselors who meet your criteria. From this list you can click to view our members’ full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information. You are also welcome to call us for assistance finding a therapist. We are in the office Monday through Friday from 8:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. Pacific Time; our phone number is 888-563-2112 ext. 1.

    Kind regards,
    The Team

  • Julie T

    September 27th, 2019 at 2:53 AM

    Hi, Believe16. To be positive, I think it’s good that you realize your husband is ill- that his behavior is not acceptable. To be honest and realistic- it is not your responsibility to get him help- it is his, and he will only get it if he wants it. You state that he has done this previously, and it is important that it is reported to the police. The worst thing you can do is keep silent, or think that as his wife you can prevent him from committing any more sexual offenses, because you can’t. Only he can. I understand where you’re coming from. I was married to my husband who I loved and wanted to grow old with. We had six kids together and I did not want to imagine a life without him but I had to divorce him. He molested our daughters, and I found out two years ago from his sister that he had molested her when he was a teenager babysitting her. So, from between the ages of 15-17(I’m approximating here) to the age of 38, he had molested four girls. According to research I’ve done and reading reports by the FBI, most child molesters commit an average of 117 sex crimes before they are caught- and most child molesters are never charged, arrested or convicted. I hope your husband will take responsibility for his actions and seek help. My husband blamed me and his children, dehumanized them and taunted them by referring to them as “vic’ or “victims” instead of by their names, and acted as if he never had a family, rather than tell the truth about what he did. He has never said he was sorry or ever shown any remorse. I hope you will be safe and realize his behavior is not your fault and that you are not alone.

  • Greyman

    January 7th, 2016 at 10:27 AM

    Hi Believe16
    It will be a hard thing to talk about but if you can encourage your husband to seek help. I’m in the UK so unsure how the mental health system will work in america. If your husband feels like it could happen again please get in contact with the emergency services right away if possible as it sounds like he does need some help for his mental health. Thanks for posting Believe16 as that can be very hard to talk about.

  • Cutie

    April 9th, 2016 at 3:58 AM

    I recently uncovered my boyfriend at time was accussed of child molest the female retracted story & boyfriend charged w/assault bec she was a minor. A week ago i found what appeared to be a journal entry of boyfriend he admitted cheatin on me w/women, men and playing w/my daughter, niece, neighbors daughter in private area i am now being charged w/assault my ex prior to did but i dumped the guy we were abt to get married in june i cant believe it still even though facts dont lie i didnt protect my kids & how come i didnt see it. Im now worried he might breakin my home for my child while im sleepin do they come back or am i parinoud. Thanks from angel a real small town.

  • Jed

    January 1st, 2017 at 7:57 AM

    Sexual attraction toward children is a form of imprinting/programming embedded in the subconscious levels of the mind, which may arise from being abused as a child or from ancestral or past life memories related to that pattern. Conventional therapy is poor at treating this since it does not engage those deeper levels of one’s consciousness to heal the past traumas and release the unconscious feelings and thoughts that are feeding into the compulsion. Using mind-body therapies, hypnotherapy, energy healing, energy psychology, and transpersonal spiritual approaches is a way to get better results with treating offenders or those who have the attraction even though they haven’t acted on it so far. Even when they don’t consciously display it these people often carry guilt, shame, and self-loathing, which keeps them trapped in the cycle and unable to release their attachment to the pattern. A similar issue is present with people who carry shame and self-loathing surrounding drug addictions. Meanwhile, when those who molest children have suppressed that shame and fully embraced and rationalized abusing children (becoming antisocial personalities) it is something that is hard to treat. Only when that defense mechanism is shattered and failing to work are they likely to begin to face the issue and be open to therapy/rehabilitation. As a mental health professional I have seen how challenging this is to address, with society’s great hostility/hate toward child molesters making it hard for this to be addressed therapeutically.

  • Guy

    March 20th, 2017 at 10:29 AM

    I have been convicted of a crime that never was a crime. The truth was I was at a lads sisters house that I met on a drink drive awareness course, went out for the night and got so intoxicated that I knew nothing of walking back to the house and the next memory was waking up in the sisters daughters bed with everyone furious. When in the police station the solicitor told me to say that no touching occurred, even though I wouldn’t be able to recall if any did. He gave me that advice as I was a tennis hitter (a professional practice partner) and was likely to go into a coaching role, he said if I said that I may have touched her then I would be charged and even if correctly found not guilty my career may be affected. I expressed concerns with the solicitor later but they kept fobbing me off saying that because the child had already wet the bed twice that night before the alleged incident I would have DNA on me due to that. At court at the trial it was made apparent that DNA disintegrates in urine, at court I told them my first recorded interview was down to the duty solicors advice, then the court was alleging I was changing my story to fit the evidence. I was convicted, a 23 year old young man who had a great life ahead of me, and when I explain to people that it was wrongful few people believe me as I think we are conditioned by the plethora of crime fiction series to believe the law is always correct despite the many cases that prove otherwise. I never believe anything I read anymore concerning criminals, particularly if the case concerns intent. Obviously the law most likely is right, but not always and it is a terrible thing to be wrongly convicted for, you are then looked through a prism, every act you do is in probation minds a precursor to offending. I have then gotten a second conviction for images, all bar one is teen selfies that I have viewed when I was under extreme stress. I had moved to a new place after dislosure to rebuild my life, yet all the time police would visit, make insinuations and continuously talk about relationships and disclosure, I knew then that living in the UK was impossible and went into a shell of drug use and lonesomeness at which point I used pornography much more frequently. I realised these images were inappropriate, and deleted them. Two years after a friends younger sister found out about my conviction and made false allegations up which came to nothing…..but a forensic computer chack revealed something which was in the past. Now of course during probation they don’t accept that the ill lifestyle choices can be stemmed from alcoholism, a wrongful conviction and subsequent inability to carry on with life.
    It’s a pickle, but I hope people read this and realise that many peoples thoughts are founded on hysteria and this leads to seeing events in the worst possible ways, don’t judge people is what I have learnt the most from this, alongside the knowledge that crimes of intent aren’t well judged.

  • wesley

    October 18th, 2018 at 5:12 PM

    see that’s why they cant be rehabilitated because its not offered. I was charged with sexual assault. it happened 1997 I wasn’t charged untill the year 2000. I wasn’t out stalking kids at play grounds I didn’t kidnap any kid torture them and than kill them I didn’t do that. but because I was charged with it I was put into that category.i was with a woman after with 3 teenage girls I was with her for 4 years and wasn’t even tempted.i nwas finished my probation in 2004 since than my sexual thoughts did get worse so I asked to be put on medication. I have been trying to get further help since than its absolutely not there and that is why we cant be rehabilitated because its not offered I see a counselor every two weeks before every month. outside of isolating myself that’s the only rehabilitation I get. so before you people say we cant be rehabilited maybe you should think about why we cant because its not offered. theres treatment and support for everything else like for instance people that beat the crap out of there children. that’s more exceptable. I was sexually assaulted when I was a kid by my own brother and he forced me to. I didn’t force my so called victum. so think before you say know what your talking about before you talk.

  • Julie T

    September 27th, 2019 at 2:28 AM

    Sadly, due to the deception involved in committing these crimes and lack of remorse, I do not believe child molesters can ever be rehabilitated. My ex-husband molested and sexually abused 3 of our daughters- we had 6 children in total. In 1995, after we had been married for 5 years, he was sentenced to 4 years prison in California for battering me. Previously he had been arrested, convicted and placed on probation numerous times for physically abusing me. I never would have imagined that he would ever molest or hurt our children, but that’s what he did. I did not know at the time that the State of California suspected him of sexually abusing our daughter M., who was 4-5 at the time. I did not find out until 2007, when my younger two daughters confided that he had been molesting them, and I was involved with social services in California that the information was locked in their computer that they believed he had molested M. They never said anything to me back in 1995 or after. I also found out in 2017 that his half-sister Marie was molested by him, when she was a little girl being babysat by him. He was an older teenager at the time. This was years before he met me and we married and had children. In total, he molested 4 children- 3 of our daughters and his half-sister. This is why I do not think pedophiles and child molesters can be reformed. He has never shown any remorse or compassion for the damage he did to our daughters- in fact, he threatened me continuously and threatened our daughters, told them not to tell, or “daddy will be in jail for a really long time”, “Mommy will be really mad”, etc. In reality, he only cared about himself and I had the courage to divorce him- the one thing he told me never to do, but I had to, because to him we were his possessions. I could not allow him to come back into our home after he got out of prison and pick up where he left off- molesting our kids! I divorced him while he was in prison because I knew if I tried when he was out, I would be dead before he would allow that to happen. He acted like me and his kids had never existed, rather than take responsibility for the fact that he had destroyed our beautiful family by betraying our marriage and children and molesting our kids. If anyone out there has a boyfriend or husband that has harmed your kids or you- my advice is to run and never look back. It will hurt, your heart will break, but it will break forever if you lose your kids. Your kids deserve more and so do you! No man is worth more than your children. I met him when i was barely 20, had 6 kids with him. I fully expected to grow old with him, but when he told me he loved me and our children, it was all a lie, because he was molesting our kids and telling them not to tell me! My daughters, according to them, were between the ages of 4-7 when he did this, and he definitely manipulated them because of their young age and because they truly loved their Dad, which kills me inside…

  • Katrina

    January 27th, 2020 at 7:30 PM

    I posted here 4 years ago when I found out my boyfriend had molested his daughter. It was a long time ago when this happened he was molested as a child and he regretted it so much for what he did. He was trying so hard to prove to everyone that he is not that horrible person. But it kept coming up people were talking behind his back and avoiding him. In November of 18 he took his life because he couldn’t live with all of this. I’m still besides myself I loved that man. He was a good person who made a horrible mistake and tried so hard to live a halfway normal life but society wouldn’t let him. It was a one time thing with his daughter and it’s horrible but he never got the chance to make it better. He had to register at every place he lived and a chance of ever having a normal life was out of sight for him . He couldn’t handle that and took his life. I know it’s horrible to hurt a child…i have kids of my own. But statistics say that 96 % of molesters who are in the system are NOT repeat offenders. So the life of a registered sexoffender is no life. Might as well give them all the death sentence cause they can’t live a normal life after that. People who kill people get off easier then that.

  • Katrina

    January 27th, 2020 at 7:48 PM

    Sorry me again I just wanted to add that he did his time in prison and everything else he was suppose to do. I was horrified at first too but I know that he wasn’t that monster society put him out to be. I believe sexoffender can be rehabilitated. A lot of these people have been molested themselves and never dealt with it. Yeah they should know better but their parents failed them. Everyone one has the right to a second chance and my boyfriend was not given that chance. There are a lot of creepers out there but I know he wasn’t one of them. He is not here no more to speak for himself so I’m doing it for him

  • Shannon

    April 11th, 2021 at 10:24 PM

    Child molesters and rapists should never get out of jail. They can’t be cured and will and always do reoffend. Psychologists . Nobody commits rape once or molests one child. When they get caught and only get 5 to 7 yrs . When they are released they are likely to reoffend only this time also killing their victim so they leave no witness. If we get lucky enough to catch a young man say 19 committing either of these offenses we should lock them up and never let them out . 9 out of 10 will only continue their crimes once released

  • Erich

    April 16th, 2021 at 11:12 AM

    Proof of your statements???

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