5 Steps to Getting Over a Breakup

broken heartGoing through a breakup is one of the most difficult experiences we can have. Heartache, grief, and confusion, mixed with feelings of powerlessness or even betrayal, can bring out the crazies in all of us. It can be hard to focus and function, making daily life overwhelming.

If you are going through a breakup, my heart goes out to you. I’ve been through it and I know how overwhelming it feels.

Here are my five top tips for moving on:

1. Cease ALL Contact

One of the biggest mistakes people make is fooling themselves into believing they can still be friends with their ex—right away. It may be possible down the road, but in order to get over someone, it’s best not to see them, speak to them, or know anything of them for a long time. You can’t simply switch off your romantic feelings toward someone and view them in a platonic or neutral way overnight. Continuing to stay in contact prolongs pain by allowing you to be hopeful. And having hope for reconciliation keeps you stuck in the transition and won’t allow you to get past the pain.

Zero contact means the obvious: no texting, talking, or getting together. But it also includes the covert: voyeurism and cyber-stalking, positioning yourself to “bump into” your ex by hanging out in places they go, communicating with his/her friends, or fabricating reasons to see each other, such as returning a toothbrush.

2. Remember You ARE Lovable

We tend to bash ourselves after a breakup. We think of everything we believe we did wrong to drive the ex away, reminding ourselves of all our regrettable actions. We inflate our flaws and tell ourselves we aren’t good enough for the ex. This makes us feel unlovable and that we are somehow excluded or disqualified from winning in love.

It may be true that you tend toward a specific behavior that is not so appealing and it could have become the deal-breaker for the relationship—but even if that is the case, your behavior is not you and it is something you can change. YOU are still lovable. And the right person for you will appreciate all that you are.

3. Focus on the Big Picture

So often when someone breaks up with us, we tend to focus on all the positive things about the person and the relationship. This makes us pine for them even more, and we long to be with them for all those amazing qualities and times we had together. We relive the happy times and focus so vividly on the wonderful qualities of our ex.

If you allow yourself to step back, you will be able to see the whole picture. There were problems or unhealthy dynamics in the relationship, parts of your ex you didn’t like, and unpleasant feelings you had that you ignored. When you find yourself focusing on the wonderful parts, you will feel distraught, but if you shift your focus to include the unpleasant truths of your ex and the relationship, your emotional state will respond accordingly.

To solidify this, write a list of all the negative qualities of your ex, the parts of the dynamic you didn’t like, and how you often felt in the relationship. This is to help ground you in reality and not remain starry- eyed. You will soon come to understand that your ex did you a huge favor!

4. Look for the Lessons

When a relationship ends, people tend to get stuck in the idea that they wasted time. This kind of thinking puts us in a victim position, which can feel extremely powerless.

As tough as it can be to look within right now, it will help more than you can imagine if you are able to reflect on yourself in the relationship. If your ex is at fault or to blame for the relationship going wrong or ending, then you have no control in this situation and it will absolutely feel like a waste of time.

Dig in! Really try to take responsibility where you can, without condemning yourself, of course. If you can own up to your contributions that caused the relationship to sour, you will be able to learn the lessons this relationship was meant to teach you. And though it is a hard lesson to come by, it means you didn’t waste time at all. You will be more prepared and whole going into your next relationship, and both of you will benefit from those hard-earned growing pains.

If you take the time to write your findings, you may actually see a pattern emerge. You may come to see that your role in this current relationship looked very similar to previous relationships as well. Allowing yourself to see patterns of behavior means you can finally be clear about how to be healthier in the future.

5. Take Care of Yourself

If taking care of yourself means reaching out to friends or family, then do it now! You may tend to isolate when going through a tough time, so staying connected to your staunch supporters is vital to your recovery. They know you may not be great company right now, and that is OK.

On the other hand, if you tend to avoid your sadness by being social, drinking too much, or working a lot, you may need to provide yourself some downtime. Time alone to fall apart and grieve will help you move through this time quicker.

Make sure you are eating well, getting enough water, sleep, and exercise, and continue engaging in the activities that bring you pleasure. It may be tempting to forego all of that in self-punishment or self-pity, but it will truly only make you feel worse.

The quickest way to the other side of a long, dark, and scary tunnel is straight through. Embrace your reality, feel the feelings (you won’t melt), fall apart, and be a mess. Such a response is natural and congruent to the situation you are in right now. If you didn’t have these feelings, I would say you didn’t much care for the ex or the relationship.

If you feel yourself trying to take the long way around the tunnel to avoid feeling the feelings, please know that it will prolong your pain and you may get stuck. You can’t drink, eat, shop, exercise, or party your way around this pain, and if you try, you may just end up with another problem on your hands.

Please know:

You will feel happy again.

These unpleasant feelings will pass.

You will experience love and connection again if you remain open.

You are worthy and deserving of love.

With compassion,

Hilary

© Copyright 2014 GoodTherapy.org. All rights reserved.

The preceding article was solely written by the author named above. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. Questions or concerns about the preceding article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment below.

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  • Madeleine

    Madeleine

    September 15th, 2014 at 1:20 PM

    The worst mistake that you can make if you want to get through this is to think that the two of you can automatically be friends right after the break up. Nope that can’t happen and you want to know why? because if you try to be friends too soon then you will fall back into what feels comfy and before you know it that whole friends with benefits thing is going on and that never really ends well for wither one of you. Take my advice and if you are going to break up, then you need to end it right then and there.

  • Gilliland

    Gilliland

    September 15th, 2014 at 5:59 PM

    We spend a whole lot of time beating ourselves up after a breakup that we forget that hey, maybe we werem’t the ones who did something wrong, that this could actually be about the other person and something that they were not doing right. I know that the tendency becomes we want to beat up on ourselves but you have to cut it a little slack every now and then. You could ahve done something to contribute, there is no doubt about that, but when it is all said and done, it still takes two to tango.

  • Julia Y.

    Julia Y.

    September 16th, 2014 at 3:47 AM

    Don’t want the same thing to happen all over agin? Then look for the things that both of you could have done differently and take this chance as a time to elarn from the mistakes that you both likely made.
    I am not saying that you must take full responsibility for the breakup but it actually could have been a good thing for both of you that the relationship ended.
    Look for things that you may want to do a little bit differently when you decide to jump back into dating, orloo k at the kind of person that you were with and if you think that this was the problem then look for a way to attract a different kind of eprson.
    This can be a great way to learn more about yourself!

  • Ava

    Ava

    September 16th, 2014 at 10:33 AM

    This is such a hard thingto go through- as a matter of fact I am going through this same thing right now and I can’t tell you how many times I have thought about going back because that would be the easiest thing to do, or thinking that I am never going to find someone who will love me again.
    I know rationally that this is not right and that I can certainly find someone out there who is better for me and who will love me but when you get to these sorts of low and destructive points this si not how it will feel to you at all.
    I am sure that once I get past the part of feeling so hurt and vulnerable that some of this will go away but right now it just feels so hard to even put one foot in front of the other at times.

  • TZ

    TZ

    September 16th, 2014 at 3:44 PM

    breaking up is the HARDEST things you do in your life. I promise you that. My sister never recovered after her boyfriend dumped her. Like her whole personality is ruined.

  • perry

    perry

    September 17th, 2014 at 3:54 AM

    You may want to sit and mope and cry over a breakup like this, but the bets thing that you can try to do is just move on and move forward.
    Don’t crawl under the covers and wait for the pain to go away, because the more you try to hide from it the more it will be sure to rear its ugly head.
    Try to get out and do some of the things that you used to enjoy doing solo and see if you can find that same kind of strength and excitement in doing it again.
    It is noce to have some things to do that can help take your mind off of it and before long hopefully you will be wondering what all of the fuss was about.

  • Celeste

    Celeste

    September 17th, 2014 at 3:37 PM

    The one thing that I always tell my girls is that A BREAKUP DOES NOT HAVE TO BREAK YOU!
    Believe me, I have been there, when I let the end of one relationship shut me down and make me want to shut out the world. I am determined that my girls will not feel this way about a guy. This is not the person who needs to define you or that you need to allow to control you. There will be pain and there will be some anguish but then you dust yourself off and start all over again.
    This is not going to be the end of the world even though it might feel like it. Go through the grieving process, get back out theer and in time you will be back to your old self.

  • JoanneD.

    JoanneD.

    September 19th, 2014 at 10:30 AM

    There has to be a good reason why the two of you broke up, so dwell only on the good things? Look at all of the small pieces all over again that give you the complete picture of what your relationship was like,a nd once you do that then you might breathe a great big sigh of relief that this is actually all over!

  • Alice

    Alice

    September 19th, 2014 at 12:24 PM

    After 31 years of abuse, I got a divorce; it has been 11 years and it still affects me. I read ‘I will let go of IT, when IT lets go of me. I resonate with that. What my church did to me (as a result of divorce, etc), is a trauma which can never heal. I was voted out of membership with my name up on a big screen, followed by the words ‘Conduct Unbecoming a Child of God.” Called to a meeting of deacons (not allowed to have a woman with me) and “asked, “Are you still having sex with your x?” No boundaries.

    I have taken the “ashes” of my life and done something with them; I wrote about my life and won a scholarship at age 60 (social work)…I am a Sophomore at 67.

    My goal and passion is to speak on National Television regarding verbal abuse….1 in 3 women will be physically abused in their lifetime and it all begins with verbal abuse. I presented my paper, Society’s Hidden Pandemic, Verbal Abuse, Precursor to Physical Violence and a Form of Biochemical Assault….at my State’s Counseling Association.

  • Lorraine B.

    Lorraine B.

    September 20th, 2014 at 1:08 AM

    Amazing, inspiring and heart felt. Blessings on your journey, Blessings, Peace and Joy

  • Kimberly T.

    Kimberly T.

    September 19th, 2014 at 1:22 PM

    Such a timely post! Going through a break-up with a colleague…sigh! But I do have a prospect to transfer to another position, which will keep us on slightly different schedules. After being with him few years, I realized I wasn’t exactly what he wanted(and vice versa). I was extremely bamboozled by the sharp business suits…smh! It seems it was always something “wrong” with me! After awhile, I really had to stop and think just because you wear sharp business suits and have a business on the side doesn’t give you the right to treat me as an underling and occasional fling…smh! I’m just like any other woman who wants time, love and affection!!! There is nothing uncommon about that!!!! Personally, if I can’t get the love I crave and at least an explanation about where WE stand, then it’s a wrap for me!!! I know I’m a rare find and a beautiful treasure!!!! Praying that I will not be afraid to love again and live again!!! Pray for me because it does hurt!!!!

  • Cynthia

    Cynthia

    September 19th, 2014 at 4:31 PM

    Reading the replys sounds good. I am going through a breakup now and this is so hard for me to do right now. I want to get out and not feel the pain.

  • Sean

    Sean

    September 19th, 2014 at 10:44 PM

    I am divorcing my wife of 1 year, but love of my life for 8 years. I have recently become fed up with her deception and her abusing of prescription med. I also have found out that she has been unfaithful, for what turned out to be our entire marriage. I needed to read this right now. I know that the divorce will be painful, but this helps moving forward. I will get thru and I will come out on the other side, as a better person. Thank you for this great advise.

  • Hilary Silver

    Hilary Silver

    September 20th, 2014 at 3:09 PM

    Hi Everyone, Thank you for all of the thoughtful comments. I’m so glad the article has been helpful because I know not much else is during times of heartache. It is one of my core beliefs as a healer and leader that all of our hardships are meant to enrich our lives and when we can look for and find the underlying blessings and lessons- we are better able to tolerate the pain and grow into a stronger and wiser version of ourselves.
    With love,
    Hilary

  • Dave

    Dave

    September 23rd, 2014 at 3:55 AM

    I have always had people tell me that the best way to get over that breakup is to get right back out there and start dating again. Well what if that isn’t what I want to do? I am not so ready to give up yet and I am afraid that if she hears about me going out with someone else then she will take that as a clear sign that I am through with her and moving on. Of course I don’t want to sit around and think about what I have lost but at the same time she seemed so perfect to me, we were perfect together and that is something that I am not quite ready to let go of just yet.

  • Hilary

    Hilary

    September 23rd, 2014 at 1:31 PM

    Dave, you must do what is best for you, not what others prescribe. When you are ready to move on, you will.

  • Kadia

    Kadia

    October 19th, 2014 at 10:05 PM

    I’m reading this for the third time. I’m really struggling with a breakup. I know in my head that he is not who he made himself out to me. He didn’t treat me right. I know I deserve better. Yet, my heart still wants him. I try not to beat myself up about the struggle between heart & mind. I try to embrace my true feelings, let them just sit with me, and allow them to pass naturally. But they never do. So I try to force them out. And it’s like ripping my heart out of my body. I literally feel physical pain in my chest. There is a huge void now that wasn’t there before he came into my life that I don’t know how to fill or if I ever will fill it. This article is helpful. Very helpful. So, i read it again and as a reminder. Thank you.

  • Hilary Silver

    Hilary Silver

    October 20th, 2014 at 1:39 PM

    Kadia,
    I’m so very sorry for your pain.You will feel the void in the space this man occupied in your life- and eventually it will fill in from the inside- as a hole dug in the sand fills in when the waves roll over it. You can actively work to fill this from inside yourself- and trust that there is something wonderful for you on the other side of this pain. Actively looking for that will help you move through it as well.

  • Derrick B.

    Derrick B.

    February 9th, 2015 at 3:17 PM

    Thanks a lot to everyone for posting there stories here for all of us to relate. I too am going through a breakup as we speak. In fact the fall out was just yesterday. I have been here before, (breakup) just on different terms. As of this moment it doesn’t seem to get much easier with experience, haha. It’s hard not to think that I could have done more.

    I know that the number one thing I have control over is my focus and intention. I have not had the chance to imagine myself without her, there is nothing to bring into focus. I have no ideas to latch my emotion to besides the loss of what I once had. Which is obviously what I intend not to focus on.

    Since I can’t seem to find any shortcuts to this problem. I simply have to create all new associations. One’s from the perspective that I am single, now. Weather it’s picking out produce at the grocery store, feeding my fish, getting ready for work.. Every thing reminds me of ‘us’, how it used to be, and what I lost..

    There are even moments where I feel petrified, in a zombie like state, completely in my head and not in the present moment.. Not the least bit concerned with the outside world. I assume this will fade in time. As my mind works diligently to open and close the various doors my mind is permitted to wander. Anyway, I’m not sure if anyone else is feeling this but hopefully someone out there can relate.

    I just wanted to share my piece. As bad as it sounds I got the most comfort in the comments of this article. Hearing that other people are struggling just like me. That I am not the defect.

    Some things I have been doing that seem to help: Writing in my journal, vigorously! Trying to get my thoughts down on paper as to get them out and into the open so I can move on to others. Taking walks to relieve tension and clear my mind, I try to focus on my breathing and rhythm of my steps.

    I’m doing everything I can to find effective ways to channel the energy from my heart’s ache. Writing this post helped just a little bit :)

  • N

    N

    February 24th, 2015 at 4:32 AM

    My break up of two years happened yesterday and it was my now ex boyfriend that did it. I’m in my early 20s and this was my first proper relationship so I’m finding it extremely tough. I blame myself a lot for it falling apart cause I’ve suffered depression throughout our relationship so it defiantly hasn’t helped. I’ve threw out pictures of us and things he had bought, deleted him off all social media and his number because it’s just too hard.

  • anonymous

    anonymous

    March 4th, 2015 at 6:45 AM

    I think the way people accept being dumped completely comes down to how much self-esteem & confidence you have, and how much were/are you loved by OTHER people before/during the breakup.

    Take it from me, I was dumped over the phone after a 10 year relationship and never saw this person again. No reason given, just goodbye, and in a very cruel manner.

    After 2 months I’m still crying in bed with insomnia, with no appetite or desire to live. Alone in despair 24/7.

    All this fell upon me at a time when I have zero friends, no job/$, no self-esteem, and dysfunctional family I can’t turn to. (I used to be the opposite of this, but very difficult circumstances over the years took the best of me)

    I just don’t see how I will EVER come out of this rut. And this is only 1 “problem” to deal with, from so many others going on all at once. To me the mourning of the breakup is more than enough to have to deal with.

    Meanwhile, ex having the time of his life and has now idea the situation I’m in. Doesn’t care either. So unfair, I gave away so much of myself and my dreams to be there for him when he needed me.

    People online say, “well time heals everything, exercise, go to a movie with a friend…”. Really? How about learning how to deal with the fact you can’t even eat or get up from bed. And when you ever do, there’s no friend in sight. Just have breakfast, lunch, dinner alone.

    All this may sound dramatic, but it is MY truth. I just wish I felt lived and ackowledged by anyone in this planet. I could be dead here for days and NO one would notice. That in itself is a reason for not wanting to get off bed.

    I wouldn’t be surprised if the stress causes a heart attack and takes me away in a zap. A human being can only take so much. With all tespect to those who believe in God (me being one of them), I ask myself: “Neh, God is a lie. It cannot be possible for Him to know the situation I’m in and for Him not to give a sh*t”.

    Bottom line: If you want to pull thru your next breakup (if there is one), make sure you have people who truly love you in your life way before the breakup, and make sure you stay on top of your self esteem on a daily basis 365 days a year.

    If you don’t, then no therapist, amount of tears, no contact rule, hobbies, time, etc etc etc will help. You’ll stay stuck in the eternal suffering, because you won’t even have the energy to stay afloat by just “thinking positive”.

    Guys, kidding aside, pray for me. Hard. I need that more thatn anything. I’m starting to get REALLY concerned for where my body will end up. Not because I’ll do anything (I just can’t do so ever), but because I’m a sneeze away from collapsing completely for good whether I’d want to or not.

    Pray. Seriously. Need the energy to stay alive at least.

  • The GoodTherapy.org Team

    The GoodTherapy.org Team

    March 4th, 2015 at 10:58 AM

    Thank you for your comment. We wanted to provide links to some resources that may be relevant to you here. We have more information about what to do in a crisis at https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html

    Warm regards,
    The GoodTherapy.org Team

  • Mahnoor

    Mahnoor

    August 25th, 2015 at 9:41 AM

    It’s been 5 months and I still cry I still feel pain but also am recovering.am 19 year old we have relationship for 5 year .am Muslim it’s start from my family .Some time I hate my parents to do that with me.i was waiting for him for years we gonna marry after 4 year after finishing my studies he cheat dump me.his all family members lie to me.they all play with my feelings I was being fool by there sweet world’s believe me I now how it’s felt .They make some mistake in me .They said am not tall and skinny and etc.i was praying for me and him .That me marry he came back etc.i was so proud that I fallen love with him.he came in my life when I don’t know what it’s mean. I start likeing him and then fallen love. His family never Brought him back. They told me so happy about that .last September they start talking about my body and etc .I was waiting him to come back to me and he was with a girl .when I know he was with a girl with 2 years.i was fool stupid waiting for him to back this summer. I thought his family don’t want be but then I want to clear every thing I text him how I felt ask question .how I miss him .Every thing and he say don’t ever text me again. The he spread my text to everyone in family .In our society it’s so shame full.but I don’t feel that way .my all life those day I broke down I don’t know to stop my self to cry. I left me broken .I can’t breathe than.they play with me .and I feel like they through like piece of dirt. But my Allah don’t left me alone when my parents says it’s my fault I text him If I don’t text him
    Then they don’t finish it.what
    A piece of joke no love kill my love text .is not? I was telling him my felling some time I have nightmare he laughing at me.i try to with him I put my 100% .I put my pride my limits my respect one side to just with him I waste my time to think .I got fall in paper because his parents and every body talking about his relationship. I just wish
    No girl feel this pain when a men came in any girl life they need to give woman love respect not to left broken.
    When I feel cry alone I know my Allah holding me .I cry continuously then there was a time I can’t cry anymore .I feel sick ill.i talk to him I say I pray to you I believe on you not on people’s and I give my heart you Allah then why it’s broke now .I don’t want to fight anymore am tired .If you want to live then help me ..believe he listen he protect my when my own broke abuse .He there when I cry I call him
    Tell every thing I know my God have greater plan for me .may be one day I feel happy again .I know to don’t let me fall again .There was a time I thought God don’t care about me like other do.my ex and his girl are good am not worth it.i thought care about me if die or live I cry to much in over holy month I have fast and I cry .I feel like zombie then I say there is no god.and the night u fight with my Allah I said u don’t love also
    May be am not good .Not good person I do fight with my parents my mother my bother .what can I do when they beat I have to fight with then I don’t plan on doing that. I thought like every hide from me he cheating on me my God don’t tell me also then I remembered my dreams about him .Every thing I see was ture they do the same thing .then I see my my god name in my dream
    Allah .believe me you people don’t believe you Islam but he is real .I see I feel it.
    Come back to topic.i do cry some time I laugh I will fine. I am trying to survive.just wish he never get ture love in his life.and just realised what he done to me.i have nightmare about him. I don’t want to forgot his memory are delete his search history on fb but but what can I do with it.he was mine but he was never me.one day I will be fine happy then see him.

  • Amber

    Amber

    September 22nd, 2015 at 7:15 PM

    Thanks for this article! It helps a lot. The comments are really helpful, too. It’s good to know none of us are alone in this. It sure feels like it a lot of the time. I have to constantly remind myself that there are so many people in this world going through a very similar situation at this exact moment. And that however hopeless I feel about the future, I will find another love. It’s so easy to get wrapped up inside your own mind and not see the world around you, to feel like you are the only one out there dealing with the pain. My ex broke up with me about 2 and a half months ago. I still struggle a bit, but thankfully, it’s not as hard as it was in the beginning. He stayed on at my house for a couple of weeks, while he moved his stuff, and things were really great, and I thought we would be able to work things out! Then when he finally moved, I found out he had messed around with some other girls right away, and I just felt so betrayed. Of course, now he wants to be friends, but it’s just not that easy. I’m glad I read this post, though, because that is exactly right. You might be able to be friends, just not right now! I find that whenever I do talk to him, I say nasty things because I’m still so angry, and then I feel like such a horrible person. It’s definitely hindering my healing, so I’m going to do my best not to communicate anymore until I’m at a place where I need to be, where I can talk without being nasty, and where if he says something it’s not going to make me feel hopeful or anything at all. Lately, I’ve just wanted some kind of revenge. I just want him to feel as hurt as he’s made me. I know that’s not healthy, but I think it’s probably just a part of the process. Luckily, I’m not the kind of person to mess up a person’s belongings or seek them out. I know karma will take care of it! Right now he’s really far away from here and the situation, but I feel like when he gets back, when his good-timing is over, and he realizes what he’s done, he’s going to try to come back to me. I just have to be strong and say no way, absolutely not! I think it’s kinda cruel for the one doing the breaking up to suggest that remaining friends is a good idea. They’re not the ones getting their hearts ripped out. It’s hard doing the breaking up, but I think it’s even harder being dumped! Anyway….my advice to anyone else going through a breakup is just find something in your life to get yourself away from the situation. It’s so hard to have everything around you. You will get over it, you will. It’s just gonna take some time. Give yourself some time to grieve, but get out of your own head, too. Don’t dwell too much. Life is too short. Find yourself some hobbies or help other people. Those things will empower you and help you get your confidence back. In my case, I’ve been taking a LOT of walks. I lost my appetite for awhile, and lost some weight, but it’s coming back now. I’m not ready to date yet, but I went on some walks and had a couple of guys smile at me and speak to me, and it boosted my confidence so I was able to deal better with whatever the ex threw my way. I’m volunteering with the library, I’m doing work around my house to get it how I want it, I’m spending more time with my family and my pets, and even making some friends. It’s still a struggle. Some days are worse than others. But the really bad days are becoming fewer and fewer. I can do this :)

  • Derrick B.

    Derrick B.

    September 23rd, 2015 at 8:03 AM

    Hi Amber,

    Thanks for the share! I know it’s hard. I posted before up top. It’s interesting being where I’m at now, meaning 6 mo in the future since my previous post. In a bit of a different space now. I did find a new group of people to hang out with. I still take my walks. I think it’s really just a great way to clear your head. I read a few good books. Now I’m 30lbs lighter and have a six pack! So it wasn’t all bad. I love the fact that this post tells me when someone else comments. I just want you to know that it will get better soon. Hope you have a good day :)

  • Derrick B.

    Derrick B.

    September 23rd, 2015 at 8:07 AM

    ALSO! I watched this video earlier this week. It was great. And it really does apply to this too.

    youtube.com/watch?v=vbLEf4HR74E#t=814

    Talks about the habbits of happiness. Do it! It’s only 20 minutes listening to a monk.

  • Amber

    Amber

    September 27th, 2015 at 1:53 PM

    Thanks for the youtube link, Derrick. That’s pretty interesting. I’m glad you’re in a much better space now. I know I’ll get there, too, but it’s hard. Do you still have bad days now? I was doing really well after the first two or three weeks of misery. This past week I haven’t been so successful, though. Maybe it’s something to do with the weather. Hopefully I can get out of this funk soon and get back to healing.

  • Mankind

    Mankind

    March 21st, 2017 at 7:52 AM

    Hi! Many thanks for the lead post and the several comments. I am a male currently going through a break up and yours have not only succeeded in encouraging me that I am not alone, it has proffered a wide range of ways of coping with the whole situation. Though just a short relationship of about 3 months, the lady in question is one I have built my whole world around within the short spate of time. In course of the relationship, she made several professions of her love to me and how she would never want to see me ‘go’. I, on my part ensured I gave her the best of all my understanding of love and faithfulness. Unfortunately, three months into the whole thing, my once upon a time gist mate and friend started with attitudes that portrayed the sharp other side of her. To think that there is no wrong doing of mine to which I can trace the whole thing compounds my trauma the more. Then, just last week, after much pestering, she opened up on her desire for a break up- gosssh!!! It hurts. The lady in question, though one with several ‘pasts’ and ‘presents’ that should have warranted me to break up with her, I chose to stick with her, just as she vowed to stick with me. But then, I discovered that the whole profession and vows were all made in deceit as I am beginning to doubt she has even ever been in love with me. This point is strengthened by my suspicion that I was never the only one she was dating at the time of our relationship. Even though I found it hard to come to terms with and difficult to move on (especially with the feeling that I may never find anyone who I can love like her again), this page has helped me a great deal in coping with this stage of my life. Well, I know this phase will again pass away.

  • Roberta

    Roberta

    August 28th, 2017 at 2:08 AM

    Ok. Great comments and feedback and wonderful article. But what about when children are involved? You still need to see/speak to your ex? I continually am being told “make it about your child, not your relationship”. Very hard when you have all the above to deal with and a child as well? You can’t just “cut your ex off completely” in this situation.

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