Why Stalkers Stalk—and What to Do If You’re a VictimApril 5, 2013 • Contributed by Zawn Villines
Being stalked can be paralyzingly frightening. Victims aren’t traumatized just once; they’re perpetually unsettled by attempts at contact and often begin to feel like there’s no safe place to go.
The Bureau of Justice Statistics reports that about three million people are stalked every year, most by people they know—often a former intimate partner. As many as 10% of stalking victims fear for their lives, and all victims face massive disruptions to their routines. While stalking, like domestic violence, has been around for generations, it has been only in recent years that the issue has been taken seriously, and many victims may be hesitant to seek help.
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What Is Stalking?
At its core, stalking consists of repeated attempts to gain control over or terrorize someone. Stalking exists on a continuum. On the lower end, it might involve repeated phone calls, letters, or email contacts. In its more extreme manifestations, however, stalking might involve repeatedly going to a person’s house, making threats against a person, harming pets, stealing possessions, or interfering with a person’s relationships with friends, family, or coworkers. Stalkers may alternate between patterns of domestic violence and stalking.
Each state establishes its own legal criteria for stalking. Laws generally require multiple unwanted contacts and mandate that a victim fear for his or her safety. A coworker who comes back to see a person at his or her office daily, for example, would not be stalking, and a secret admirer who sends flowers once per week is not necessarily a stalker. Repeated contacts rise to the level of stalking when they’re designed to gain power over a person and cause emotional terror.
Why Do People Stalk?
Stalkers often emphasize that they “love” their victims and occasionally say they stalk to keep others safe. For example, an abusive ex-husband might say he stalks his ex-wife to ensure she’s properly caring for their children. Psychologically, however, stalking is a crime of control. Stalkers see their victims as possessions who are rightfully theirs, and stalking behavior is frequently activated by a breakup or an ex-partner’s new relationship.
Some mental health issues can lead to stalking. People with personality issues such as a borderline personality diagnosis may have trouble letting go of relationships and sometimes use manipulative tactics to control people. Erotomania is a delusion in which a person believes that another person—often a celebrity—is in love with him or her, and this can lead to stalking. However, not all stalkers have mental health conditions, and the overwhelming majority are men. Cultural and gender norms may contribute to stalking behavior.
What Can Victims Do to Get Help?
If you’re being stalked, don’t make excuses for the stalker or tell yourself you are overreacting. Tell a friend or family member what’s happening so you have a support person and a witness. If you are in immediate danger or are being followed, dial 911. There’s no price for overreacting, but underreacting to stalking can, in extreme cases, be fatal. Other things you can do to remain safe:
- Change your routine frequently so that it is more difficult for your stalker to find you.
- Instruct friends, family, and employers not to give out information about you without your express permission.
- Keep a log of every incident so you have evidence if you need to press charges.
- Seek a restraining order against the stalker, and call the police immediately if he or she violates the order.
- Help for victims. (n.d.). Stalking Resource Center. Retrieved from http://www.victimsofcrime.org/our-programs/stalking-resource-center/help-for-victims
- King, M. W., & Sivak, A. (n.d.). Stalking: New studies shed light on a crime that terrorizes its victims. National Crime Prevention Council. Retrieved from http://www.ncpc.org/programs/catalyst-newsletter/catalyst-newsletter-2009/volume-30-number-11/stalking-a-new-study-sheds-light-on-a-crime-that-repeatedly-terrorizes-its-victims
- Stalking. (n.d.). National Institute of Justice. Retrieved from http://www.nij.gov/topics/crime/stalking/
- Stalking. (n.d.). USDOJ: Office on Violence Against Women: Crimes of Focus: Stalking. Retrieved from http://www.ovw.usdoj.gov/aboutstalking.htm
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MelissaApril 5th, 2013 at 7:58 PM
I was briefly stalked by this person a few years ago. He was a former neighbor and started stalking me when I left the neighborhood. It went on for about a week and a threat from a few friends put an end to it. He would follow me around. Nothing big you might say but trust me it still makes me nervous to this day.
laurelApril 6th, 2013 at 7:20 AM
One of the best pieces of advice that I ever remember hearing about this is that sometimes in the beginning you have to ignore the stalking. For example if he calls you over and over again and you ignore it but then give in and take the 100th phone call then he knows that this is how many times that it takes to engage you so he will begin the pattern all over again. I think that you do have to report that this is happening to you, but you don’t need to engage with the stalker on your own because that is sure to lead to trouble.
GreggApril 6th, 2013 at 1:11 PM
Let me tell you something- any guy stalking a woman like this is certifiably crazy. You can’t ignore them because most of them Won’t be ignored. They are looking for ways to get under your skin, and if they see that it is unnerving you then they will keep on doing it. This is the time to shout from the rafters ladies that someone is stalking you because most of the time these are men that ultimately won’t be denied.
SabrinaMApril 8th, 2013 at 4:01 AM
Most women will not ask for help because they feel like they are being blown off or accused of being crazy if they state that someone is stalking them
KungfuApril 9th, 2013 at 12:18 PM
People do not just stalk because they think they are in love with the stalked person.
You can be stalked by anyone for a plethora of reasons. You can be stalked because you gave someone a bad look, said something offending, and a whole slue of other reasons.
Bottom line is if you have asked to be left alone, and someone continues, follows you, checks on you, calls you then its stalking.
Morris WilliamsMay 19th, 2013 at 10:18 PM
My 4 year old son is being stalked by a woman who was his foster mother for 11-months! She wants him calling her “mommie” and has gotten way too personal on the leve@l of wanting him to spend weekends with her and when ever she chooses! I am trying to get her out of our lives because she’s gotten extremely creepy whereas, she actually thinks that she is his mother and offers way too much input in his life. The last straw was when she waited down the street from my house and took him off of his school bus before it got to my house. The bus had passed my house and when I looked outside she had him by the hand and when I went to get him from her she held his had tightly, would NOT let him go and when I went to pull her hand off of him, she proceeded to physically assualt me, following me to my apartment and actually forced her way into my apartment! She would not leave my front door, keeping it open insisting that I talk to her. She frightened my son in her actions and only left when comfronted by a relative. I am now afraid that she may try to take my son while I am not around. She and his relationship (my son) I felt was unhealthy for him, because she doesn’t take care of him the way that I do, she won’t let him grow up(constantly) babying him, by talking like he’s a baby, letting him do what he wants to do, constantly carrying him around and feeding him, letting him sit on her lap ALWAYS, etc, and I just feel that she is messing him up and that it is time to let her go. She called and said that, because of me not wanting him to see her, that she feels like “killing” herself and at this point I just don’t trust her anymore and want to be left alone! I am a single male with custody of my two sons, one age 2 and one soon to be 4, what am I to do to get this woman out of our lives????
annonyumusSeptember 5th, 2013 at 10:44 PM
So this guy has a crush on me and he has been stalking me everywhere I go like if I go bike riding with my friends, he is always there, its so intense and frightening…
AnonymouseOctober 7th, 2013 at 12:47 PM
Actually, stalking law is unconstitutional. If you read through various appeals by individuals who have been on the defendant side of criminal prosecution for stalking, you’ll see the logic of their arguments. Stalking laws primarily are continually supported, despite being unconstitutional, under the guise of the concept of “public trust.” Not only that, but the unconstitutional legal fiction, the “reasonable person,” was made to over-ride the First Amendment of the U.S. Constitution.
Harassment laws have also been a problem in relation to the first amendment. However, the main difference between harassment and stalking laws has to do with culpability. A person cannot KNOWINGLY stalk you. A judge or jury has to deem that something is stalking (IT’S A MATTER OF OPINION RATHER THAN FACT).
With that aside, stalking laws historically were made to deter, prevent, and punish behaviors that appear to be culminating in individuals, which were considered behaviors that would eventually lead an individual to murdering someone. It was a law developed in order to prevent murder. The irony of it all is that individuals now use it to push off people whom they don’t want looking into their private lives: Drug addicts, criminals, gold-diggers, and all kinds of people who don’t want to be noticed will allege that someone is a stalker in order to hide illegal behavior.
So, the concept of “stalking” is wrongly used by the majority of individuals here. None of you know WTF you are talking about. Study some law, would you?
Cher RedmondJanuary 20th, 2014 at 8:13 AM
The clinical definition of stalking and the legal definition of stalking are 2 different things. This is not a courtroom.
Study some psychology, would you?
Cher RedmondJanuary 20th, 2014 at 8:15 AM
Cher RedmondJanuary 20th, 2014 at 8:17 AM
I’ve been stalked for 3 years. Nightmare.
RichardMarch 14th, 2014 at 2:28 PM
I found him and know everything…. cops soon to bust!
anonyMarch 27th, 2014 at 7:58 AM
I’am starting to feel stalked since I moved in a year in a half ago.These neighbors started out friendly but then started competing with stuff I was doing outside for no apparent reason.I would come outside they would come outside.I would water they would run outside .I have seen them hiding behind certain areas stalking and run off as they are seen.Lately I have changed around my routine as to avoid any of the creepy-wierdos and do stuff at different times.There are days they or one of them will still as I’am sweeping the back come out real quick and go inside or open their door for no reason at all.I have started to ignore them since they don’t matter to me.I have even seen a few of them come over to the gate as to push it over which they can’t anymore since I put some stuff there to support that fence and that angered them.I have seen them even copy stuff I’am doing and buying bird house I have they got one,colored clothes pins they got them.I feel creeped out as they are doing these things.I have been documenting this and want to put up some cameras they can’t see as to catch them everytime I come outside they are stalking me,throwing things in my yard.
mensaJune 29th, 2014 at 2:01 PM
Your delusions are dangerous. The fact that you could even fantasise that ‘digging around’ or whatever you want to try to minimise what you’re doing with complete lies speaks volumes.
mJuly 19th, 2014 at 9:06 PM
I was sexually assaulted by a man I knew after the incident he started showing up at my workplace more often coming in the store everyday sometimes 5 times a day. Seeing him kept retraumatizing me. I realized his behavior was not normal he was stalking me and emotionally abusing me. I wanted to know why did he start stalking me after the assault and why did ge stalk me for so long I told him several times to stay away from my workplace when I’m working and that he was making me uncomfortable. I got a temporary restraining order against him and he violated still and continued to stalk me. I developed ptsd from the assualt and stalking and had to go to therapy and take medication to help me. Even though I moved away I still live in fear and i’m still traumatized by what happened I wont forget it.
KeniaJuly 30th, 2014 at 4:00 AM
i gave my # to this guy cause i just wanted to txt he found me on this dating site he seem interesting so i decided that i wanted to txt him.but on that same day we txt for a little then i realize i didn’t wanna txt him no more i just wasent feeling him.and i didn’t told him anything i just stop txting him.because if would of tell him that i didn’t wanna txt no more probably he would start asking all this “why” questions. and i didn’t want to deal with that so then he txt me the second day and said that if i didn’t txt back and tell him if i like him or not he will find out the hard way. and that’s what scared me like he’s crazy i just txt him one day i don’t even know him at all.like it was just a few txts the day before he told me that.
DebbieAugust 21st, 2014 at 2:48 AM
I have a stalker who I work with 22 years ago . He stalked me back then by following me. Then stopped I think . Now 22 years later I have found out that he lives down the street from me but i think this is a rumor. I’m not sure . I saw him in the MALL . WHEN i WENT BACK TO THE MALL TO SHOP AGAIN .he was going around trying to find things out about me from people in the mall who I worked with . now he as spread rumors about me to people in the stores . He tells the people he is trying to help me that he’s not stalking me but then i always see him watching me and following me . when he sees me he gives me dirty looks but he keeps watching me and following me . I confused , i think he is follwing me . what do you think ??
salomeSeptember 5th, 2014 at 3:17 PM
I’m busy divorcing cause my husband got a bad temper and was constantly in the pubs and sometimes have affairs. Its been a year now and he kept stalking me.. Saying he will kill my friend and I mustn’t go anywhere alone.. As I will be availeble for men to date me. He also said that I am the only woman for him and he won’t stop. Spreading rumors of me. I lost my job and nearly everything because of his stalking. I went to get a court order but the people aren’t much help. Sending from court to police station and back several times.. My attorney cannot help me as I must get a order against him myself.. I am helpless and don’t know what to do anymore..
DonnaSeptember 14th, 2014 at 11:26 AM
I am being stalked. He been message me on face book and phone my mobile number. He then began to follow me everywhere and my mom told him everything about me. He say he going to hurt me and make me pay he then start to say he will hurt my kids. he thinks I’m going out with him when I never ever did. my mom even told him I had a miscarriage and he took the piss. He is mad and crazy. He even smash a window to get into my house and smash up my house. I let it go on for over a year and a half until today. I went to police . I now found out my own mom was in on it and she wanted rid of me. My advice to people don’t let it go on go police.
MarySeptember 15th, 2014 at 4:12 PM
A childhood friend (will call him “Johnny”) connected with me thru online high school network on Facebook and prior to this, we hadn’t talked or seen each other in 25+ years. They were getting married and he said he planned to invite several of us childhood friends to the wedding and he couldn’t wait for me to meet her. “Johnny’s” girlfriend (will call her Sybil”) saw him talking to me me as a friend on his FB and has become obsessed with my personal and professional life. One year ago “Johnny” asked if he could contact me to tell me this scary news news. “Johnny” says “Sybil’s” family has direct bloodlines of schizophrenia, he thinks “Sybil” is mentally unstable, and he discovered info on her computer that she has stalked me in person and on the internet for over 2 years. I don’t even have a clue who “Sybil” really is, nor do I know what she looks like, nor do I want anything to do with either of them. This reinforces that this high school idiotic stuff is so far removed from the life I live and I want nothing to do with this nonsense. “Sybil” initially gained access to my FB thru “Johnny’s” account and then by checking my friends list and conning a so-called friend I knew in high school into using her Facebook login. “Johnny” alerted me of such and said “Sybil” gained access to me thru my Facebook by “Sybil” contacting a high school girl in our network and staying she needed to borrow her login to watch me because I cheated with her boyfriend “Johnny”. What kind of person would believe this crap story and then share their login for purposes of stalking. I realized I really don’t know this FB friend as well as I thought I did 25 years ago and removed that “friend” from my FB. “Johnny” said he was afraid for me and thought I should know because “Sybil” cut/paste my pics from FB onto her computer and has kept pics of me and pics of my grown children and their spouses on her computer. This is like waking up to a bad dream in a Lifetime movie. “Johnny’s” ex-wife went to high school with me and has confirmed that what “Johnny” says about “Sybil” is true and she isn’t surprised “Sybil” is stalking me as she is off her rocker and has been known to do crazy things. The ex-wife understands my concerns and remarks that “Johnny” must be off himself. What should I do besides document everything to the best of my ability? I live in a high rise building and have security but find this so bizarre. I can’t believe this is happening to me! But unfortunately this is real! Help! Please! Any organizations or non-profits I can document this with? How do I get help with this craziness?
JenieSeptember 25th, 2014 at 4:06 AM
My stalker, a male, stalks me everyday. I’ve caught him peeping behind bushes, and when I’m in the yard driving by over and over again. I had my husband sit with me once and he hurriedly passed by on foot and returned just to stare. The final straw was when I caught him standing about 50 feet away staring. So sick of this!
TallGuySeptember 25th, 2014 at 6:18 AM
How often is a stalker a former employer?
My apt and car have been majorly and minor lay vandalized 68 times in 4 years.
JenieSeptember 25th, 2014 at 7:28 PM
Tonight no issues!!! Thank god!!!
JenieSeptember 25th, 2014 at 9:01 PM
Looks like I spoke too fast. Clumsy stalker guy tripped over something in the bushes. Can’t figure out why he chose me.
sydneywavesSeptember 26th, 2014 at 5:19 AM
There is a guy in my Photography class in High school and he likes me a lot. He got my number and texted me and we made friendly conversation. Then he was asking if I wanted to go on family trips with him, if he could go to my sports games. Then the final straw was when he told me good luck at my game (i didn’t tell him) and he was standing in front of my homeroom. Luckily i was walking with my best friend and he walked away. I am so nervous. He even texted me “when can i text you at night because i want to know if i can text you after work” which included this creepy smiley face :p after every text. Can someone help me? I am going to text him today that i am uncomfortable and don’t want to be in a relationship of any kind. Help!
JenieOctober 7th, 2014 at 3:38 AM
In the beginning, I used to feel flattered that someone was actually taking the time out of their day to come see me ( I had such a big ego). I figured the guy was shy and that maybe one day, if given time, he’ll approach me and say hello. Wishful thinking on my part, its been 17 years and I don’t see anytime soon he’ll stop stalking me… What am I doing to encourage him? I’m married for Pete’s sakes. Am I giving off some kind of vibe? Any advice? Please don’t tell me to approach him and find out what his problem is. I’m already creeped out by this whole situation and my conscience is warning me to stay far away has possiblle. I find myself more and more now retracing my past for any clues that might’ve set him off and I think I found a few. I thought about apologizing but would that really matter since hes presumably carried this grudge for years? What if it’s not that? Sigh. Yesterday, it may have been a coincidence, I saw him against just as I was getting out of my car. The sight of him raised the hairs on my neck and made my skin crawl. I’m tired of this already, definitely tired of him! I’m determined though to keep living my life and this minor annoyance won’t stop me from enjoying it.
nicoleOctober 8th, 2014 at 4:41 AM
I got stalked by a female for not being a friend to her anymore. She started showing to places i was at then punched me in the face. I punched her in the face to defend myself then ended up going to court over it–not fun at all. Turns out she was one of those borderline personality types. Whats worse is she took me to court when all i was doing was defending myself. Stalkers suck.
Anne Violet SmithOctober 15th, 2014 at 6:15 AM
I engaged in mental health activities a worker was manipulating a lot of vulnerable woman I stayed some distence away when it was group’s of men he should interest otherwise not now I see him smug in places where I usually go I don’t want to get involved for my mams case
BrandyOctober 15th, 2014 at 3:01 PM
I have a similar problem, as someone who could see my facebook wall at some point was putting me through the ringer. For example, she has copied my pictures and statuses obviously saving them for some reason apparently over a period of time and then manipulates them on a word processing program to make accusations to defame my character. The worst part is that this person hinges on my every word and cites any misspellings as evidence of my intellectual abilities. She degrades how I appear physically, how I mother my children, comments I make and any continuum of information to make it appear as I am degrading myself. And then, when she is satisfied with her remarks, she mails it to my home address. No return address. I cannot say with specificity who the stalker is, as she remains anonymous. However the fact she knows where I live and has sent multiple letters is quiet frightening. Ive called her out via facebook and deleted as many as 230 acquaintences, but the harassment stalking and fear inducing letters continue. Not one of the five agencies investigating has returned a single clue, and I am lost for words…
AurisOctober 22nd, 2014 at 7:11 AM
I am being Stalked by a person I have never spoken to,it is now going into the 5 year,I’ve gone to the Police and they made it worse by believing him,this parasite will drive up beside me and tell me ‘it wont be long before i;m dead,he is now sitting out side my home as I write this, I don’t go out any more, if I do and he catches me I get abused with Vile language and death threats,I am so scared at times I cant think, 2 of my cats have vanished,my dog has been poisoned 4 times, my friends are followed intimidated and abused,this parasite can do what he likes and the police wont do a thing to help,5 of my witnesses were not interview, in the early days when I did go out the stalker drove at me and my dog,pined me to the wall,still the police did nothing even with witnesses,this happened twice,both times the stalker was Drunk, I live by the sea, the stalker watches my home with binoculars all the time,if young people are getting dressed or undressed he watches them,he has been seen in full view of everyone withe the hands in the pockets rubbing himself,the police say the man has to fix himself somewhere….. I could go on and on about the intimidation and abuse day after day,even christmas day…….I dont know how many times I’ve been cautioned by the police,once was for being in my garden, the stalker went to the police and told them I was intimidating him…….. no justice till he kills me… and he will get away with it…..
AmandaOctober 29th, 2014 at 9:50 PM
I’m sure you’ve thought of this already, but have you contacted Facebook? You can also block people and make it so that only people added as friends can contact you, so even if she registers a fake Facebook account she can’t message you. You can preview what your page looks like to non-friends by clicking the “…” Next to “view activity log” on your page. It’s horrible, but usually the police can’t do much until something actually happens. The law makes it really hard for people being stalked.
AmandaOctober 29th, 2014 at 9:57 PM
When I was 18-19 (I’m 26 now), my best friend dated a very abusive guy, physically and emotionally, for about two years. As is typical, she disappeared and he drove most of her friends away. He tried to do the same with me, but I stuck by her, and when I found pictures online of him cheating on her (the girl posted them in a forum), she finally broke up with him.
When he realized he had lost control of her, he severely vandalized her dad’s house, abused and raped her, just generally terrorized her. In his mind, she couldn’t end the relationship if it wasn’t mutual. Well, he saw me as the reason for their breakup, and began to stalk and intimidate me as well. Death threats, lurking parked outside my house, trying to run me off of a dangerous windy road.
The good news is that eventually he moved on, and no one was hurt beyond repair. Eventually they will fixate on someone new. It’s just about trying to lay low and survive until then.
AnonymousDecember 18th, 2014 at 2:50 PM
I think that most stalkers don’t see themselves as stalkers, or they lie to themselves. If they knew the person prior to stalking them, I believe they see the stalking as a joke. I guess they think that their previous title somehow validates them, and gives them a permanent place in the person’s life. They refuse to accept that they have an obsession. Maybe they convince themselves that there’s nothing wrong with trying to make a temporary relationship permanent. They don’t realize that if you’re no longer the person’s classmate, co-worker, associate, then you have an obsession, and you’re stuck. I guess with the ones that were never in a relationship with you, get stalking, and actually being in a relationship with the person misconstrued. I’m being stalked by an elementary school classmate, and her family. It’s a joke to them. They just simply dismiss the stalking, and they behave as though we still interact with them. The bizarre thing is she was never a friend when we were children, so you would think that you would be able to get someone out of your life that you never got along with. Her whole family stalks. They even have opinions on different aspects of my life, although they shouldn’t be in my life. They can be heard in the background of everything that picks up on a signal. It’s to the point where the family members/associates of theirs that I don’t even know behave as though the stalking gives them a valid place in my life when I never even met them. Sometimes they’ll even discuss me like they are annoyed, yet they’re the ones holding onto me. I’m twenty-seven. The former classmate is twenty-five. They don’t think the stalking is a problem. The problem is you become stuck when you continuously stalk people from your childhood. It’s not normal. The whole family dismisses the stalking. They have no intentions of ever exiting our life. It seems as though they’re trying to live a life that’s in conjunction with us. They’re not our long lost cousins. It’s not a marriage. Of course, it’s beyond being fed-up with them.
AnonymousDecember 18th, 2014 at 2:54 PM
By us, I mean my family. Their whole family refuses to quit stalking.
coletteDecember 19th, 2014 at 2:49 PM
I need advice please so to know if I should go to police or not have man living next door on his own very creepy who has been bothering me for two yrs now leaves light on outside every night I gave a shower have tried to change this routine but he still does this every night he tots his car horn at me to get attention thought he was doing it for traffic now realize it’s not its aimed at me he parks moat days outside where he is in full view from my kitchen I close the blind he has appeared outside on one occasion at a shop up the road he has walked past my house a lot I wish he would go away my silly husband asked me if I went out with him I answered no he is affecting my mental state and marriage what should I do am I imagining all this need advice from someone out their who knows and has had a neighbor like this who threatens from a distance
RaeDecember 26th, 2014 at 5:52 AM
I met my stalker after a failed romance. He tried making me jealous- that didn’t work. He’s hacked into my phone and does stupid stuff. He doesn’t scare me. I more so want to just punch him in the face. He’s annoying and a pest but that’s about it. I wish he would threaten me. Lol I have too many brothers for that. I’m probably going to get them involved at some point.
D dubDecember 28th, 2014 at 1:13 AM
Im being stalked by my neighbors.2 retired nurses who are “roommates” lol.I’ve been living in my place for 15 yrs.First time i noticed them following me was a little over yr after i moved in.I seen then circling around me in their vehicle,like 7 times in a four block area,when i was walking to a family members house.And numerous other times 1 of them seems to be the main culprit.I have noticed them following me and turned the tables on them and confronted them 3 times face to face when they tried to deek me out when i spotted them.And they claimed i was paranoid and we live next door so of course we will see each other around the neighborhood I convinced them I didn’t believe them.My wife went to their place and confronted them and they just try and play it off.Anyways i got dozens of stories of them trailing me or opportunistic following.And all of you other people on here I believe u.I got words of advice”You don’t follow a killer”Oh yeah they spread rumors about me and my family and Im gettin fed up I dont believe in hitting women but I think I gotta scare them badly or something I think they get some kind of cheap thrill from doing this.
angelinaJanuary 1st, 2015 at 9:20 PM
“nobody should be stalked or have the right to be stalked. however it happens anyway.”
(something i made up.)
January 2nd, 2015 at
My ex-husband stalked, threatened and harassed me for 18 months. I did everything I could to try to stop it-I begged him in tears, I contacted his friends and family and asked them to get him professional help, to no avail. Eventually, I contacted the police and filed reports, I went to Local agencies for advice and support, I filed for a protective order and in the end, even testified against him after he was finally charged, in two counties. None of this worked. He violated the orders over and over again and the magistrates refused to do anything about it. The prosecutors filed the wrong charges and in the wrong counties and didn’t even have jurisdiction. To make matters worse, most people did not believe me, including many of my own family members and friends. This is an important part of what I am trying to communicate in this message. It is difficult to understand what stalking does to victims if you have never been stalked yourself. I can tell you that after a few months of it, I began to deteriorate physically, mentally and emotionally and in a profound way. I ended up having a complete nervous breakdown and was hospitalized…in the psych ward. They told me I was in a catatonic depression and was severely dehydrated and malnourished because ny stress level was so high, I stopped eating and drinking. And, talking. And sleeping. I just stopped functioning. They fed me. stabilized me, and sent me right back to where I was. This is a very long story all of which I which I won’t relate in this format. So, one of the reasons why people did not believe me was due to the fact that I was a mess while he looked like the normal one…but that is actually, the profile. and then I ended up in the mental ward while he had been telling everyone not to believe me because I was crazy (what other defense do they have?). But, this is what happens, if no meaningful intervention takes place. He also used this nervous breakdown as his defense in court so I was not able to secure a 2- year protective order AND his criminal charges were dismissed. in the end, I
moved me and my daughter to the opposite coast, in the middle of the night, to get away from him. he found out where We were, took my daughter away from me by force and there I was, left with nothing. He destroyed my entire life, took the house and everything in it, ruined my reputation, drove my boyfriend away from me, took my child. I wanted to die. So, if you are being stalked, my advice to you is to MOVE far away, as soon as possible, leave everything behind if you have to, tell NO ONE where you are going and never, ever return. Protective orders don’t stop them. Criminal charges don’t intimidate them in the least, they have no respect for laws-statutory, constitutional or natural. And remember, stalking will break you mentally but you are NOT the crazy one, HE is.
January 2nd, 2015 at
Brandy,This is so concerning, I wish I could really help you. I am a private investigator and have worked in the criminal courts for 18 years BUT I was stalked, threatened, harassed, followed by my ex. he got away with all of it. anyways, I am wondering if the FBI might be able to help you because of the mail you’ve received…the postal service is a federal agency. it’s worth a shot, federal agents are typically better educated and better trained, and the FBI has more resources than the local authorities. you need to determine where the closest bureau is and call them there.
ElleJanuary 10th, 2015 at 1:13 PM
I was stalked for years by a police officer.
I’d like to thank this forum administrator(s) for offering an important place for stalking victims to share their experiences and learn about others. Stalking victims have few -if any, opportunities to safely talk/write about our personal stalking nightmare without being mocked, doubted, judged or dismissed, and my heart goes out to all who’ve been/are there.
The myriad of ways that stalkers damage our lives completely and eternally changes our perspective of that which we grow up taking for granted such as; we have the “right” to not be terrorized, believing there are people we can turn to for protection… and justice -people who actually take stalking crimes seriously, that the law (and those hired to enforce it) will protect us -and punish the ‘bad guys/gals’, that this could “never happen” to me… and more.
Because my stalker was in law enforcement there was literally no one on earth who would give me the time of day. It would take up too much space to list everyone I contacted/begged to just get it to stop. A few of them include; the stalker himself (and those he incited to participate), the police dept. (they literally laughed at me), the city council, city manager, mayor, DA, governor’s “victim assistance” personnel, and on and on. At best I was simply ignored. When I was eventually attacked by the stalker and 3 of his cronies (statistics show that a stalker will attack the victim 97% of the time -I didn’t believe the statistic, till it happened to me…) the police went to work like a well oiled machine -to protect their fellow cop.
While the attack was still underway, one of the attackers called the police -on me. Since the cops were acutely aware of the situation and had already been vigilant about protecting my stalker’s activities, I was yelled at screaming “I don’t care what happened” by our “finest” when I tried to make a statement. They took a statement from the attackers (men between 6-6’4″) who stated that I “snapped” and attacked one of them -it’s still not clear who I “attacked”, it was never specified in their ‘report’. I’m a 125 lb woman… The police didn’t question anyone at the scene and there was no standard follow-up investigation. The detective in Robbery, Homicide and Assault and Battery told me, and I quote, “I won’t let you file a complaint against these people”. A cop called my home 3 times in 1 day to inform me that dispatch had been instructed to ignore any and all calls from me, and that the cops would do absolutely nothing to ‘protect’ me. Well duh.
I couldn’t find an attorney who would touch it. They all said, “No one wants to fight city hall”. That is, unless you are ‘someone important’ who’s experience would draw attention, tourists and thus, money to the town such as the Koby Bryant alleged rape case that occurred very close to my town.
I’d already moved out of my home once before to save my sanity and did so again following the attacks, paying both mortgage and rent. I had to drop out of school (I was a PhD candidate), quit one of the jobs I was working and abandon all hobbies, interests and social activities. As victims know, stalking consumes you. Moving out of my home was worth it for my sanity and for my life. I still have my home and made back the money I spent fleeing my stalker-attacker, it’s the time (years), psychological and emotional costs that I’ll never recover and that which almost destroyed me.
I realized that this psychopath could bash my head in and claim “self defense” and the police would dutifully file their (felony) false reports and do their best to discredit me, as they were already so accustomed to doing. Regarding more statistics, they show that once your stalker has attacked you there is then a 95% chance he/she will murder you. I didn’t believe the ‘attack statistic’ and learned otherwise and did not want to test the murder stats. While I was renting elsewhere the stalker’s house went into foreclosure. He lives about 1 hour south of me and is alive and kickin’. I still get ‘messages’ from him in the form of calls (on my cell phone -it’s virtually impossible to obtain a cell phone number -unless you’re a cop), and vandalism. It has his signature all over it.
My life will never be the same and I will experience (as most victims of stalking and/or violence do) PTSD for the rest of my life. It lessens with time but will always be there. I work hard to keep it in check and (sounds crazy but…) actually take the ‘good’ from the nightmare. I’ve worked hard to keep it from leaving me bitter, paranoid and hateful. It changed me but I’ve forced those changes to work for rather than against me.
I’ve changed my definition of “trust” and learned who I truly can and cannot “trust” -to a degree, and who I can turn to for protection. Well, the latter would be me. When it comes to my personal protection, I will ‘turn to’ me. Heaven forbid it will happen again in my lifetime and of course I’d go through the motions of reporting (if “allowed”) stalking, threats, etc. for purposes of documentation only -along with my personal documentation.
Self defense skills can’t guarantee protection but it certainly doesn’t hurt. I wanted something an attacker couldn’t take from me. I took, (and still train) and highly recommend Krav Maga. I urge you to check it out on the net and join classes as soon as you can. Unlike other martial arts Krav Maga doesn’t take a lifetime to learn well enough to be of use. I’ve taken many forms of martial arts and have never seen anything like Krav Maga. It’s straightforward, brutal, crazy-effective, easy to learn and you learn it very quickly. On average, in 1 month’s time you’ll be at a point where you’ll be required to wear head, mouth and body armor for protection -it works ladies -and gentlemen.
In addition to Krav Maga I have non-lethal types of defense such as pepper-mace spray (be sure to get this combination!) and stun gun -people, especially women should have these at hand these days anyway. In addition to that (and I also strongly urge, particularly all former/current victims to consider) ‘the other’ (not so non-lethal) forms of self-protection. Learn your states laws, take the class, submit you application to the sheriff -all up-front and legal.
I for one will never turn to, or assume there are people who care about or will protect me. It’s up to me. It cost me a lot and there are ‘costs’ I’ll never recover but my nightmare-experience did make me stronger, smarter and extremely capable of protecting myself and as importantly, taught me to recognize and (maybe) preclude this happening again. Stalkers and psychopaths don’t need a “reason” to do what they do. How many times have we victims heard, “Well what did YOU do to ‘make’ this happen?” -one of the many forms of Secondary Wounding, often unintentionally but hurtfully doled out by the people we are the closest to. We don’t have to “do” anything to be stalked. We cannot control the behavior of disturbed individuals. We can however learn to protect ourselves, even when those who we pay via taxes refuse to do so. Thanks for letting me ramble endlessly. We can lean on one another for validation and emotional support and learn from one another’s experience.
Don’t be discouraged by those who doubt, mock, criticize and judge you. Don’t let these attitudes further wound you. YOU know what is happening/happened and you don’t need validation from those who don’t understand and those to whom this has never happened, and heaven forbid it does. You can protect yourself. You don’t need “permission” from ANYONE to protect yourself from stalkers. There is a saying, “For those who understand, no explanation is necessary. For those who don’t, none is possible”.
Barbara MJanuary 26th, 2015 at 9:43 PM
My spouse has been stalking me for years and it has gotten progressively worse as he has enlisted others to participate in his sick evil terrorizing games on me. And I too sought out law enforcement to no avail. He kept me totally isolated in his home for 2 1/2 years. I had no car, and the $900 a month I had to live on was used for groceries and household supplies. When I finally was able to purchase a car , he immediately began vandalizing it in a very short time this auto has been ruined and I still have a payment of $270 monthly. He has hacked into every cell phone I ve bought and the I pad. I have no safe way to communicate with anyone. I was able to move out into a wonderful friends home but the terror continues on a daily basis. Naturally my husband has made me out to be the mental case and he has been successful at doing so . My family is estranged from me…my friends don’t understand and get frustrated by me… By chance I had an x ray taken of my right foot. The technician asked me if I had foot surgery as their were lead pins in that foot! I was flabbergasted . The owner of this medical practice has a daughter who is a friend of my former step daughter so next thing I m being told that I lied about not having a surgery! Can anyone believe this? My husband has made several attempts on my life that were scary but lead poisoning is most scary. If I told anyone every thing he did to me on a daily basis they would never believe me. He is the crazy one. When we first married he talked daily about killing his former wife and her Mother in great detail. I read a true story of a man who murdered his former spouse, even in lue of the fact that he was now happily married. After I read it, I told my husband if he ever spoke to me about killing these women I was going to law enforcement. That stopped it as his former brother in law is a high powered attorney and his wife’s sister is now a federal judge. I wish I had relatives in high places but he would still convince the world it is me not him. When we lived together he brought women into our home. U could hear them and smell them but I couldn’t get it on film as he was watching me via my phone. He humiliated me in everyway possible . Every time I found employment he somehow sabotized the whole thing. He got dental insurance on me yet I was never allowed to use it. He destroyed all my contact lenses, he gave me a foot fungus and I paid a fortune for the med and u have to razor the feet weekly and file the infected toenail daily. He threw the razors away blades and med. All the time knowing I didn’t have transportation to replenish what he destroyed or the $$$. His cruelty has no boundaries and I ll be lucky to survive it all. It has taken an unbelievable toll on my life and the quality of life I desire. No one understands so it’s terrible to be tramuitizedndaily and tell no one. I ll never regain the years I have lost with my children and grands. Basically he has totally destroyed my life without one consequence. Why doesn’t law enforcement get it and help us???
joan g.February 3rd, 2015 at 3:58 PM
I’have been stalked now for about 2yrs by a new nexta
door neighbour. We started out has friends did’nt get
on with her much realised she had a spilt
personalety she nearly run me over twice tryed to kill
me. From then I kept my distance from her came out of
her friiendship. she started followining me round in the days s he lay waits me. I’ try to avoid her.
CeciFebruary 4th, 2015 at 6:22 PM
Yeah.. I hear you..I understand. Just had first class..made a nice cluster, was a hair high though..
AnonymousFebruary 5th, 2015 at 9:51 AM
I was stalked by a group of former highschool friends. It started off with unwanted texts, calls and even visits to my house. Then it turned into cyber-stalking where my former friends would impersonate me and post nasty comments about me. One of the best ways to deal with a stalker is to let your family and friends know. And that’s exactly what I did. I let my family and close friends know that I was being stalked by my former highschool friends. Change your phone number if you can and ignore whatever they have to say. From my experience, some stalkers are crazy enough to follow the victim to work, gym, school or wherever you go and say nasty comments out loud to make you feel intimidated. I’ve learnt to not respond to their pathetic behavior but take note of it in case I want to file a police report. Sometimes ignoring the stalker will not work. However, my experience has taught me that stalkers just want to control their victims. They crave for attention and by responding to them in a civil manner, it will give them the wrong idea that you’re letting them back into your life. Don’t feel ‘sorry’ for them because their actions speak louder than words. Stalking is wrong period. And it can be classified as a criminal harrassment.
oliviaFebruary 7th, 2015 at 11:33 PM
Hi i need help i met a guy online i gave him my number one day he whatsapp me he told me i must come work for him as a sex worker i said no…so i lost his number now this year again yesterday he whatsapp me he said his coming to my place he pretend to be some1 i know i gave him my adress and my room number as he entered the place start to call me names. if i tell u something i dont take no as answer…i didnt open the door he left he sai he will send his boys to come and kill me im so scared i dont know what to do and i dont know him
lisaFebruary 13th, 2015 at 12:55 AM
I’m being stalked by a brother in law on husband side. He and his wife stayed in my hone about week before I had to a.sk them to leave because he as they was trying to take over my home and left me to stay locked in my room. When I said this is not going to work out they need to leave he became abusive so I called fir assistants from police officer. Ever since then he will not leave me alone even though theirs a restraining order he keep calling so I blocked there numbers now he been driving by my house raising his engine and speeding down the road in front of our home he’s threaten to hurt me he’s threaten to shoot methe police officer said the second papers were mixed up but if does it again then they maybe able to do something I believe he trying to find me alone then he will make his move tonight he drive by lights off until he seen me then he took off even with orders he still watches my house trying to heiress me I have bought a gun and keep it loaded beside my bed but I never wanted to have to protect myself in that way. What can you say to make them just leave you alone.
katieFebruary 17th, 2015 at 8:07 PM
Hey my name is katie I’m being stalked by a guy named jason. he goes to the same school as me he’s in 8th grade so am i. I don’t know what to do i filed an incident report I’m a almost finished lots of evidence to put in. he’s blond hair and know he wears a denim jacket. he dated my best friend allyson. she broke up with him. he’s been stalking me ever since january 12. the day he was welcomed back from bringing a pocket knife in school. he goes to my homeroom class. I’m really scared. for my safety. i think he’s totally bossed with me he won’t take no as an answer. the only reason that i think he stalking me is because i dated his friend named daniel. he was jelous though.his friend broke up with me. i don’t know why. my friends say it might’ve been jason. oh well. plz give me advice. my parents know to. i tried different routes every mourning it won’t work. last time he showed up the same time as me early in the mooring with his car beside me. he was behind me. i started running.
February 18th, 2015 at
Thank you for your comment. We wanted to provide links to some resources that may be relevant to you here. We have more information about domestic violence at http://www.goodtherapy.org/therapy-for-domestic-violence.html and additional information about what to do in a crisis at http://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html
The GoodTherapy.org Team
kimuraMarch 2nd, 2015 at 3:02 AM
Been stalked by neighbours and their children. Heard they’re playing personality changing games. Felt like they’re staring in my house to see my reactions and personality or character guess. Heard they even bet money on me. Like the kids were saying ” I’m right! Give me $10″ . Started since last year. Really long.
masonMarch 2nd, 2015 at 8:55 PM
Hello my name is mason I understand your situation if I were you I would change my room emmediately do not wait. You hear me stay strong and call the cops. If you go to the cops they can trace that number that’s calling your phone harrassing you I’m serious girl. And stay off them got damnable websites there’s allot of sick mother tucker’s out there I’m serious girl its not worth it you only get one life protect it.
masonMarch 2nd, 2015 at 9:02 PM
Do not wait Olivia go to the cops. Trust me no female is able to fight a grown man if hes threatening to come to your dorm. Since your a female his asa can go to jail. Anybody that messes with women espescially in today’s society its called menacing . For your protection id digest you stay off them got damnable websites. Keep it low key and don’t tell. No one about this people are shady now a days trust no one
masonMarch 2nd, 2015 at 9:03 PM
Stay safe and God bless
rafiqaMarch 10th, 2015 at 6:04 PM
i met this person about 15yrs ago, at a local gym…we talked for several week, everything seemed to be clicking, our likes, dislikes, etc..feelings were growing between us.
then, i notice that he seemingly wanted to keep things at a level, of seeing him only at the gym, i couldn,t reach him directly unless it was his beeper. he would call me back from a pay phone.
i had receive info that he stayed with his mother, which, he never brought up, and i think, that was the reason he didn,t want things to tighten.
anyway, he would let me know when he would leave the gym, which i thought was polight.
then, i started noticing males, of different ages at the gym, eyeing me. not from a romance type of thing, it seemed as if i was being watched. i would test it, by moving to an area where it was just me, a couple of minutes later here is a male, looking in that area, then leaving.
i remember talking my acquaintance this, he responded by saying,,,”don,t worry about that, your hear to get your workout”. now that was his opportunity to tell me that he was having me watched, when he would leave the gym.
my frustration was building, because several weeks passed, and we were still on the same level, i game up to the gym on night around 6pm, to talk to him, about us, should we just be friends, he agreed he said he,d be through with his workout abound 7:30pm.
i notice that it was about a quarter to 8pm. i looked around and didn,t see him. he had left the gym.
from that night my feelings gradually dimenished for him.
but i kept noticing eyes watching me around the gym. at this point, i would see this person every now and then.
i enrolled in another gym. at that time, i didn,t know the extend of the stalking. there was a younman, that sat next to me, and said”hello”. i spoke back. i didn,t think much of that at the time. every-now and then, this happens. usu. a male, of different ages, approach me and say hello. as if, they were sent.
when i first taked to acquaintance.. we were 45yr. we are now, 60yrs. as of jan 2015.
bottom line is, he doesn,t stalk me himself, he get others to watch me, everytime i come out my door, til i go back in my door. if its him, it,s when its late like around 11pm.
he was a personal trainer at the gym and he had a part-time job else where.
i don,t think he his dangerous, but its very annoying to be watched and followed everyday. especially since we were never intimite, never dated, never considered as a relationship. so why the stalking, watching, following, i just don,t know. but i,m tired of it. he has people from my job that i notice is watching me, for him. its really studpid and weak, the very thing he is having others do… this is the reason, i would not have anything to do with him…he just doesn,t get it.
nora m.March 12th, 2015 at 2:12 AM
I’ need to speak to someone concering begin stalked for three and half years these people stalks me wherever I move the peoples changes up I have moved 5 times since 2014 now I am at this new place what they do is break down the trailor weaken the floors and I lived in an apt about 6 month they were in the attic next door to me I have mostly lived in mobile homes it seems I am a target wherever I live in Mississippi I am a disable student I was a perfect one to begin target because of my disability they have tried to burn me up saying I am crazy have labeled me it started in a certain town it was because I told someone I was renting from who it was they told me I should have kept my mouth shut I have bad nerve disorder from an abusive marriage and my ex-husband kill my baby and tried to kill me WITH GOD and the DOCTORS I am still here no one wants to help me even the police force they think I am crazy by saying they are under my trailor it is a joke to them looses up the foundation on it even some of my so call friends knows and they have people they know that is and has been involve but you think anyone cares to help me they are hoping it drives me crazy it is affecting my health I need to move from this state I need help to know hoe I can get away from Mississippi thank you.
gabyMarch 13th, 2015 at 10:14 AM
I had a car accident more than 4 years ago and i ended up being treated by a young married chiropractor. This lasted about 6 months. He seemed to have developed an interest in me. He would go out of his way to give me the best treatment. I think it was because i had really good insurance. He would make comments about how he wanted to marry me but that was strange to me because he was married. That i must be feeling better because i was smiling more. I started to feel uncomfortable. The therapy ended and i began to walk at a park to help me deal with the side effects of my car accident and to lose the weight i gained. When i started my walks the chiropractor would show up at the same time. I would go at different times and the chiropractor would see me walking and show up too. He would sit on park benches and just watch me. Then he would park in the parking lot of the park and just sit there and stare. He tried to talk to me but i never spoke to him again even when he passed right in front of me. This has been going on for 4 years and counting. He dumped his first wife and married a black woman who looks like a skeleton. Very skinny just opposite of what i look like. i still go for my walks and he still drives by. I dont think his new wife knows he does this. So sad to me. He parades her all over and in front of me like i would be jealous of them. lets see how long that lasts. I just want the man to leave me alone. Go and stare at your wife and leave me alone.
gabyMarch 13th, 2015 at 12:27 PM
I know the feeling. This man would have his coworkers and friends show up at my job and spy on me. that is why i didnt want not one thing to do with this man. Even his ex would come to “check up on me”. That is the feeling i got like he was checking up on me through other people. Creepy to say the least.
rafiqaMarch 13th, 2015 at 6:28 PM
what action have you taken, if any?
BeenthroughitMarch 17th, 2015 at 11:00 PM
I was criminally stalked and harassed by a neighbour. I got a spy cam and rigged it up on my front door to show him besetting me and then relocated it to other windows to show him lurking outside. Finally it cumulated in me moving with Police help to ensure he wouldn’t follow me. It took months of repeated reports. I was beyond terrified and it took an incredible toll on me. Read the book by Gavin Debecker called the ‘Gift of Fear’, he profiles the types of stalkers and the tactics they use. I relocated entirely and cut all ties. I ‘lost’, that part of myself and my life in order to gain freedom and reclaim my life. The disgust and hate I feel towards him eclipses anything I have ever felt. Anyone who stalks is crazy. Period. The most striking thing from ‘The Gift of Fear’, for me was ‘ to engage is to enrage’, now I have been experiencing harassment by a degenerate nut in my area who frequents a store I used to enjoy going to. Now after reading all of your posts and remembering what I went through I realize I have to stop going there period. Be unpredictable. Stalkers thrive on your routine. Change routes, times, days. I wore a personal camera to record evidence. Having lived through it involving the Police takes months, in my case well over a year BUT any and all evidence you can get is more ammunition to protect you. Ultimately? Prepare what you can and leave. A friend of a friend was being stalked so one day she just walked away from her entire life. I was lucky but in retrospect I should have just left. A couple years of hard work and second hand shopping would have replaced it all anyways. Time is precious and we have just one life. If they harass you at work, leave your job. If they harass you at your home leave. What it comes down to is it is your life. Things, regardless of what they are cannot ever compare to the value of your life. Be careful who you let into your life. Walk tall. Take self Defense. Stalkers prey on those who are nice’, ‘too polite’ and like me timid. I know there are many cases that are the exception but in general predators prey on those they perceive as being potential victims. I have PSTD but I fight it every day. It has been quite a few years of being free but nip it in the bud, ( if possible), by saying you are not interested, not sorry, not anything else. Only that, just once, this applies for early on stalking behaviours, not long term stalking. I know every case is different but read up on it. You will be able to figure out what type of stalker you are dealing with. Unfortunately the laws aren’t stringent enough.it is a sinister way for someone to invade the life of someone and it is all about power and control. People who stalk are empty shallow and pathetic vessels of nothingness. Find a way out of your life. They will move on. Stalkers need something to ‘feed off of’. I cannot imagine how they justify their actions but that clearly only serves to emphasize the extent of their utter lunacy.
I hope this helps someone. Remember it’s your life. Cherish it. Protect it. Things do not matter. Only you do!
rafiqaMarch 18th, 2015 at 3:24 PM
dear beenthroughit…we all want peace of mind and privacy…believe me, i agree…BUT…as you said, this is my life, and i,m not going to run from someone that,s trying their best to invade my privacy and take my power. i,m the victum, but i,m not the weak. i will not go down without a fight. this is my god given life, no one but the creator will deniey me my right to live my life to the fullest. that,s my stand to my stalker, and his little weak helper, who have nothing else to do.
cathyMarch 22nd, 2015 at 7:06 AM
Hi, I have been stalked for 25 yrs. I’ve done every suggestion I’ve read. Change everything about me. Where I go, changed a job I loved, which payed very well. Finally relocated. IAfter all this advise, I am not happy. I live where I don’t like it. I loved my former home. Yes, I’m alive, but never have felt the fun loving person I was. I dealt with his friends, or I call thenm free employees. It’s incredible how many ppl will get involved doing someone’s dirty work. Periodically I go thru flashbacks. The latest has been since the internet. He hacked my email and sent disgusting pornography to all my contacts. And under investigation that may or maynot go anywhere. Using my ss number at will. I havent found a good job for the last 10 yrs. He has attached me being in a phych. Hospital. This is being looked into. Believe me, what he has done, it becomes so difficult to undo. I have never been in a hospital except for day surgery. The pornography lost me a dream I had wanted for years. Not to mention, the 20,000’s plus phone calls. Pretending to be an Indian telemarketer, from the u.s. gov, and just plain screaming profanities. Standing outside my bedroom window doing his sick thing. Having the police storm my place because I was using my phone. I still don’t know what thats about, but his stink is all over it. In hindsight, all the councilors I saw, were no help at all. The lawyers were spot on, but who trusts lawyers. My biggest mistake in dealing with this crime. Today, the drs are working with me to clear my ss number. I did not know you could change your number and name legally. This will be my next step. I used to be a ppl person, loved life, happy, had a plan for collage. Wanted children. Now, I’m so cautious, I’m more of a recluse.. He said he would destroy me and did. That’s the facts. I used to think noone could distroy you unless you let them. I was wrong. This is a war you fight alone also. No sane person can stand the constant battle. Stalking has yet to be a crime that truly has the punishment fitting.
rafiqaMarch 22nd, 2015 at 9:07 AM
dear cathy…someone is going to have the power. either you or him. we must not give stalker any power from us, we are the victim, but not the weak. we must rally to KEEP THE POWER. god,s peace be with you
autumnMarch 27th, 2015 at 5:21 AM
I have been stalked for 5 years now. My ex has brutalized me with getting all the information that he wanted. I been wanting to leave and he kept holding back. I live in Arizona and I have called the police but there no use. I been stalked at friends house,my family house, my jobs,and everywhere I go. I have lost close people that I was closed too. I have been also hurting myself. The safest thing he will never give me or his addressed or nor turn himself in. He has been hurting me for years. He tells me that I needed counseling and get help but honestly it’s him. And now he has been hurting me with myself, and my family and hurting me with my kids. Trying to blame me and tell him what he needs to you. I have been wanting out of this abusive relationship since I have realized this guy that has put me through troubles
I regret him to the fullest. He has hurt me with my mental illness and tells me what I can cannot do. He tries to changed my life. But he’s honestly told me some nasty things about me. That was the first relationship and the first he has really abused me. He has slander me in my home. I have told him more than once to leave me alone and he refused. I do something that I want to do and he hurts me with me and my past and my life. I believe that this isn’t LOVE. You don’t do this to a person and think they will be with you. My stalker also told me that I can’t take care of myself and he has also been harassing me that I can’t hold a job and that I need to get on my s.s.i. M
The GoodTherapy.org TeamMarch 27th, 2015 at 9:00 AM
Thank you for your comment, autumn. We wanted to provide links to some resources that may be relevant to you here. We have more information about domestic violence at http://www.goodtherapy.org/therapy-for-domestic-violence.html and additional information about what to do in a crisis at http://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html
The GoodTherapy.org Team
MollyMarch 28th, 2015 at 10:22 PM
Am I horrible to admit that I am relieved there are others like me out there,You just wait for the other shoe to drop sometimes wishing it would to get the whole thing over with. I quit my good government job after my dog was was poisoned. he was my co-worker.I didn’t even understand what stalking was. I will never be the same. He believes God appeared to him and is telling him how to “heal” me. He was told to leave me alone his response ” Gods laws are higher than mans” “God is testing him” “God brought us together”. Things have been quiet since I quit work although sometimes I feel he is in the woods watching I live in the country)I know he did this with another person he focused on. a couple of days ago when I went to take care of the animals in the barn one of the doors was wide open and there was a dead bird in front of the other door. Because of my horses I am very obsessive about closing everything up is this just something explainable? Times past he would do little things like take my keys, get into my desk to let me know even though he was talked to he could still get to me. Is he starting things up again? There is just so much to say I know my story is not different than anyone else.While I was at work I sought help from a counselor when she read his letters she said he had 7 out of 10 markers for violence. I have stopped saying anything to anyone around me whats the point we all just want to get on with our lives so I just say everything is great, it is what people want to hear. So here I am on the internet desperate to find someone out there who gets this who maybe doesn’t think I am crazy when I say I believe in my heart he will have another mental breakdown and I will loose my life. Even to see those words I know I sound crazy. You know I go out to the living room to sleep after my husband falls asleep so if he does have a breakdown and come into our house he will find me first so my husband will be safe. I am not intending to sound melodramatic . Thank you for listening.
sakina mApril 4th, 2015 at 5:27 PM
i definitely can relate and did mostly evrythng u stated also except chnge my name n ss number my emails and phone accounts s hacked continuosly n im tryna gt counseling myself cause it weighs on u after a long journey of restarting over n over n noone believes u u feel stuck and unable to get out the craziness… im tryna fnd new ways myself
sakina mApril 4th, 2015 at 5:36 PM
i can relate to ur story more cause im still going thru ths now and i have several stalkers hacking my phone and emails erasing messages and blocking thngs i pt on facebook n who communicates wth me in facebook also it can b mindboggling especially if u dnt kno who it s like my situation these stalkers are feeding off us being upset and tht gives them amunition to continue it and kp doing it worse and worse because theres noone tht can or will stop them its ashame bt so true all i can say is kp striving and turn ur internet n if ur case is like mine turn phone off too and sound them out cause whn the internet n phones s off there s no stalking n no way to continue it.. why u unplugged their access… i do it all the time thts wht mkes thm madder. cause us being happy n sounding them out furiates them. try it it works….
sakina mApril 4th, 2015 at 5:55 PM
i hear u believe it or not i been tryna gt advice about the same issues and others similar my phone is fused wth these stalkers google gmail n facebook its bn chngd several times n they still kp repeating the same thng stlkng my life from a to z i did evrythng contacted evryone chngd phones n companies n it still kps hppening my pics s erased off facebook n my phone or stolen to probably trick google gmail n facebook to mke thm believe they r me. its a big case of stalking n it s a very hard thing to ward off cause in a stalkers mind they will not stop if noone aint stopping them my name s exploited evrywhere lies exxageration n etc all i can say s kp chngn thm like me n unplug the internet n phone whn u had enough n do thngs u enjoy doing to gt it n thm off ur mind so it doesnt steal ur joy peace n freedom being a decent loving human being i do this all the time…
rafiqaApril 5th, 2015 at 10:00 AM
i know what street the mastermind stalker stays on and the house, i went to mapquest for his area and clicked the house he stays in to get his actual address.
the thing is, i don,t have proof that he is sending these people to follow me unless one of them confesses. so,, any advice on how to expose him?
jennyApril 9th, 2015 at 8:46 PM
Do you know who your stalker is?
AylaApril 10th, 2015 at 4:56 PM
I started recieveing calls from my stalker about a year ago, he started calling me I never rcoignzed the number and honestly just thought he was some guy I met at the club who I gave my number to when I was drunk. I slowly started to realize I’ve never met him, but he knows everything about me, my bestfriend and my close friend. I searched on all my social media websites to see if he got any of the information online, but I’m a very private person and don’t put any of my personal information like that online. He knew where I was whenever I called, he knew who I was with, he knew everything. Lately since I’ve become more suspicious and started asking questions, I think he realized I was onto him. I even called the cops but they didn’t help. Now he just calls me to masterbate to my voice. It’s disgusting. I’m scared to block his number because that could make him angry, I don’t know who he is, but I swear to god he knows everything about me.. It’s absolutely terrifying.
CSGApril 16th, 2015 at 7:12 PM
I am presently being stalked and harass and it has been going on for over 10 years of which I am aware. However, because of the anonymity of the stalker, I cannot stop their criminal campaign to control and destroy my life. The stalking and harassment have progress over the years into the areas of gang/community stalking and harassment, workplace bullying and harassment and psychological harassment, to the point of conspiracy, with planned techniques carried out by organizations and individuals recruited to take part.
To be vindictively group stalked and harassed is a very traumatic experience. My stalker and his perpetrators control my life and environments and take away my human rights, dignity, privacy and destroy all relationships and subsequently my life. I am willfully, maliciously, spitefully spied on, followed and harassed everywhere I go. I am target through indirect communication and contact instead of the typical direct stalker contact, by someone who has no respect, self-control or any moral conscience. They don’t regard what they’re doing as a crime, or even wrong. They have sociopath, psychopath, and sadistic, narcissistic behaviours and are mentally imbalance, but can also behave like a normal person when warranted.
My stalker obtained information about me over the years by spying on me. They observed my routines, habits, lifestyle, my activities, my private conversations in my home and in and around offices, workplaces, buildings and out in public. Through technology, intercepts my emails, phone calls or messages, texts, passwords, and hack my computer. I believe they even use psychic of every kind, telepathic, occult etc. to get information about me. (I can never find any spyware whenever I checked, I believe they know when I am checking and remove everything temporarily.) With these means my stalker is able to control my life to an even greater extent. They deliberately make it known what they are doing to me, by having people around me repeat all my personal and private information/thoughts from throughout the years to present day.
Currently, this behaviour predominately takes place in my workplace, Advantage Sales and Marketing Canada, where my most traumatic, bullying and harassing experience is taking place for years now. The majority of individuals are unprofessional, unethical, corrupt, and quite blatant about it to me, knowing that they have the power of the organization to protect themselves behind, as everyone/every department is involved with the bullying and harassment. There are certain groups of people who obtain personal information on me daily from my stalker and start the harassing as soon as I start work until I leave. Unbelievable to some, when I tell them the scale of the organization involvement, into spying on me and harassing and bullying me with my personal information.
Unfortunately, If I try to get another job, which I have in the past, they interfere with employers and agencies and if for whatever reason I do get a job offer, they would infiltrate the whole workplace and start the cycle all over again within the organization including any contacts I deal with through the company, as is currently being done.
They slander, ridicule and humiliate me to everyone, at the same time destroying my basic human rights to personal privacy, dignity, life and damaging my cognitive skills, causing mental/emotional torment and anguish, while continuing to be in control and destroy my life through various individuals, who shield them, while they remain concealed to carry out their criminal actions.
They maliciously and deceitfully manipulate my life and run interference everywhere I go, including with my son. My stalker went to the extreme of inserting them self into any type of relationships I have with others, including employers, co-workers, neighbours, family and friends, landlords, tenants, teachers etc. They even contact casual acquaintances and complete stranger I come in contact with including retail store clerks, mechanics, bankers, doctors, neighbours, students, kids, business contacts, waiters, government workers, lawyers, community agencies, my son school teachers, friends and their parents, principals, doctors, everyone they can. Their techniques are always the same, influencing people to use them, dispersing my personal and private information to them and have them repeat it in my presence to harass me and humiliate my every where I go. They even get strangers to sit next to me in restaurants, waiting rooms, offices etc. and repeat information from my life. They humiliate, slander and subsequently isolate me, leaving me with no support from anyone and them in control. With no one speaking up against their actions, I cannot obtain the evidence to stop them and get my normal life back, free of spying and controls.
They even went so far as to contact radio shows hosts that I listen to and get them to make certain comments during the time I listen. They even get callers to call in and insert certain comment into their conversation. (I don’t know how they know when I will tune it but they seem to). They even got involved into TV shows I watch and inserted certain comments into the dialog, that would be obvious to me. They even hack into my ebooks and insert phrases and sentences based on conversation I had or happened around me. It appears they also either hacked into other websites and did the same thing, or they convince the administrator to insert certain story/sentences/wordings etc. on their sites, or they put (too many instances of same conversations wordings and senarios to be coincidences). This conduct will be hard to believe by they lay person, and no, I am not schizophrenic or psychotic (which is what they want me to become). They even contacted doctors I went to see. How they are influencing these people, I don’t know, but no one is willing to speak up against them, to stop their perverse invasive obsession into my life and my son.
Some other techniques my stalker uses are to get people create various types of disturbances and interferences in my daily life normalcy, such as being crass, rude, loud, ridicule my lifestyle, my experiences and personal conversations. They follow me 24/7 in malls, public meetings, community centers, in offices, on public transportation etc. everywhere I go. They even have people imitate physical items from my life to show they have been spying on me and following me. Whatever their resources, they seem to anticipate my every move and plan ahead and contact the peoples I am meeting before I arrive, and get them to repeat various parts of personal information/conversations when speaking to me or have others around me repeat it so I can hear them. They spread information to slander me, embarrass me, humiliate me, destroy my reputation and character and prevent any relationships from forming and alienating me from others, thus keeping me isolated so they can remain in control of my life.
Tactics are sometimes so bizarre and trivial that it’s hard to believe when I tell people. Conversations repeated about me, scenarios and problems I encounter would appear somewhat normal to the untrained eye, but psychologically humiliating and destructive to me, as only I would know how the information/situation are related to me, when they are repeated around my environment, other than the perpetrators.
The perpetrators lie and cover up for themselves and the criminal stlker, self-righteously going about invading my privacy, bullying and harassing me with my private information, while they cover up their own behaviors and information.
My stalker also target my son since he was in early elementary school. They told his teachers, principals, friends, parents, strangers in the school environment about me and our personal life information and have them repeat various parts of information to harass and embarrass us whenever I went to his school. My son was too young to understand what was being done to him and around his environment, but no one spoke up to help a young child and protect him. I had to stay away from his school to protect him from getting further bullied by kids during regular school hours. I couldn’t get involved with school activities, parents groups, or assist him there in any way. I couldn’t take him to community programs or extra-curricular actives or expose him to various learning experiences, as I wanted. I believe the stalker eventually somehow inserted himself into my son life, and threatened him, so he can get my son to also say certain words around me based on conversations I had away from him. (This is the type of behaviour I have noticed over time). I believe my son is fearful to speak up.
Some ways it affected me was I got to the point of fearing going out in public due to unrelenting following and harassment. You cannot go out and form relationships or get help, because of their inference of constantly being slander and humiliated wherever you go. I had to constantly change jobs at one time until I couldn’t afford to do so. I had to hold down a steady job and then they infiltrate the workplace place and caused everyone to viciously bully and harass me with my personal and private information, along with demeaning and ridiculing me daily. My Job performance is affected along with my career and education progression. My lifestyle is changed and life plans are affected because of their interference. Your personality is affected along with cognitive ability. My relationships with everyone are manipulated and destroyed; anyone who tries to support me are eventually manipulated and turned against me. You get physically sick with stress and the constant violation and harassment, with no peace and normalcy around you.
“They isolate and ostracize you from the larger community and society” including even family and friends. You cannot escape the obsessive group stalking and victimization. “ Even people around who witness the harassing acts, will deny it is even happening and not speak up.”
Because of the “indirect way the personal information is repeated by numerous individuals to psychological harass” me when I tell people I am being stalked and harassed out in the community, it makes me “appear to be mentally sick and problematic, ensuring no one will believe me and help me”, allowing the stalker free reign over my life. I constantly live in a state of violation, intrusion, stress, anxiety, apprehension and fear for myself and son, with daily harassment at work and everywhere I go. No one will speak up to help me and my son.
JujuApril 25th, 2015 at 11:31 PM
Hi Molly I have to admit i about cried at the end of your story. It touched my heart because it sounds so much like my own.
autumnApril 26th, 2015 at 7:04 PM
I am a victim of domestic violence of a extremely terrified, lots of verbally abused. My abused has been criticizing me and my family and my friends for a very long time. I’m scared of him. He has failed myself for goal’s that I had. I never gave him any information about myself but he found out anything of me. He has also has used the Tucson police department and the sheriff’s against me to. He has also abused me with my family with him saying nasty critical things to me. He would also abused me with my mental illness as well. He abandoned and neglected myself as well. He would put on the streets and he would do horrible things to me. My parents think that I was crazy. The law now thinks that I am crazy that he isn’t real. My reputation with the law and my family will never be the same ever again. Everybody I talked to about him, it’s like they don’t want nothing to do with me. And the safest thing is that he is a fed. He works for the government. I don’t know who I got myself involved with. I have ask numerous of times for his address but he refuses to give it to me. My parents are willing to help me with this abused. I have lost 5 years of my life with this guy who refuses to give me address and talk to my parents on his behalf. I have blame him for everything. He also would stalk me and harrassed me with work. He trick me this year…2015 he also told me that I’m not going to let you moved on due to what I did to my children. He has also called me a hoe, slut, and the town hoe, and hr also told me that nobody cares about you and thus is why your parents don’t want you. He also told me and been pushing me to get my social security, because he said that was all I do was called in. He also told me about a house a family and everything else sweet. And he also told me it will take a year for me to be good. Since he found out another illness against he had been abusing me with it. I’m really scared of him because I have no privacy in my home or when I go out in public. He also said to me that I was never a mother to my kids. My understanding threats about him is that he will never let me go and let me be and I just might have to end my life so he doesn’t come around me anymore. I have been suicidal and having lots of anger with this guy. He also hurts me with my own financial and about money. He has or never ever has been there for me but he has only been there with the harassing me with the cops, my parents, my children and my self and my past history. He has been controlling me since this happened to me. He has been abusing me at the beginning of this year. He also told me don’t be embarrassed. I’m over him, but he doesn’t stop. He also abused me by telling me to get a service pet and that I’m going to need one. He also fraud me with my mail. He trick me by receiving a gift in the mail, but he wanted to get information. He also wants me to blame myself for the borderline personality, he accused me of not having any friends. I had a great car, before I got myself involved in another abusive relationship with this one. My car was all paid off. And my dad spend lots money buying it for me. I was with a friend one evening and I put my keys on the couch, and there were missing. He made a copy of my keys and next thing I know, my car was vandalized and stolen at a friends house, that was behind of what my ex did. At the very same time at another person house he also record me having sex and put it on the air. At a medical center he also, had his family and his friends in to. He had me faced the wall, and told me to do nasty things with myself. He also would forced bananas in my mouth to see if I got fat or not. I went to ask the law for some gas money in his white car, who was with the guy who sat by him in my courtroom one day and they gave me dirty looks and drive on. I even been asking my own two parents for advice about this one. And they were right. He even called me a liar or even a used me of a liar with myself or with my past. He also told me that I burned bridges. There things that I will never tell a man, and since he is refusing to leave me alone I don’t know what verbal abuse that is going to come out of his mouth. He also comes back and forth with me too. There is nothing that I want or need from him either. I want to honestly kill myself so I can be the police victim anymore. And he also told me that I can’t work or a hold a job untill I retired. This is going to nasty, by the day. I feel really discomfort and disgusted with myself when I take a shower. Or when I’m naked. He also hurts my hopes for me and hurts anybody that comes in my life. He wants all my life to him, and he also thinks that I’m nasty and sick all of the time. But I remember what my mom told me, that I don’t need this in my life. It’s easier to get of myself and my dreams and what I want than be hurt and be in something that I really don’t want. Because I don’t want nothing to do with him . He’s not the one. There’s lots of abused, and it’s him more anything.
MollyApril 29th, 2015 at 10:08 AM
Juju, Although I do not know how my story will end it is important for me to acknowledge that I did everything in my power once I realized what was happening to seek help. If my story is like yours, know you are not alone seek help, there are people who understand this sort of thing.In the beginning I was laughed at by my postmaster when I told him that I was frightened, I was blamed, accused of giving him the wrong signals, told I was weak,he told me to stop acting so afraid. He refused to read the letters this man had written me. I had a shop steward who saw what was happening she stuck with me during this whole thing having to hear crazy religious rants from my stalker and feared for her own saftey. All we heard in the beginning was silence from the Union and the higher ups in management. She stood up alone, we were desperate to find help and I will never forget the day my supervisor said ” I will help you”. I clung to that like it was my life line.I believe it was, no one will ever be able to tell me I would not be a victim of violence if he had not stepped in. My supervisor put himself between us and made it more difficult for him to get to me.Even my supervisor had limited options. Government agency’s work different than the private sector. The counselor I was seeing tried every avenue to report a potential threat believing if he continued his downward spiral it would very potentially be a murder suicide and would happen at work. I was told to contact postal inspectors. Nothing really happened until I got a temp stalking order at that point he was put on admin leave. It took a year and a half to get help. This man is still employed at a different office and there is a letter on file with the court system. Once the union president actually talked to him he became very alarmed and my name was put on a priority call list with the sheriffs office. I quit in part not because it wasn’t proven but because he knew my route and I had seen him watch me once on my route after court. Knowing it was just to hard to start all over with the documenting and fearful he would retaliate. That mngment would just think I was trying to keep things going by bringing it up again. The toll it took on my close friends and family and the concern that if he had another breakdown many people would be hurt. The horrible backlash from a group of co workers even though they did not really know. For many other reasons as well I chose to walk away from a 16 yr career. I sometimes wonder if staying working there would have been safer but honestly with an unstable person no one really knows. I have I guess they are called flash backs sometimes and I know I will never not look over my shoulder. I just don’t want anyone around me to come to harm if this man has another psychotic episode. Juju I’m telling you my story to encourage you to get help it is your best chance it doesn’t matter how long it takes. someone will listen. It doesn’t mean it will ever really be over or when everyone else moves on you can move on. It doesn’t mean this person will not commit an act of violence or retaliate against you. People might not believe you, in my case he had stepped up at work and was helping everyone so if I asked for help people would not believe me. Someone listened, it isn’t a promise that everything will be ok but it is your best chance that things will be.
shawnMay 6th, 2015 at 1:52 PM
I am sick of it. After my then 7 year old daughter and testified against him twice for strangling me while I was holding my then 6 month old baby he harassed me staked me from the bushes across the street from my house.he would come in my house and make it well known to me that he was in there. He Put signs up about me and my daughters in my neighborhood and by my 7 year old’s school accusing me of having a sex offender hanging around my house (untrue of course) the signs had my address phone number the names of my children and of course my name. He messed with my car (slashed tires a rock through my windshield basically disabled it up to twice a week. Tried to slander my name. The list goes on. Now he is out of prison. I tried to be nice and allow him to see his daughter. …. now it is only out of fear that I have continued to because he started in with me right away trying to be with me and being a complete a-hole and trying to hang around.
I’M SICK IF BEING THE VICTIM I WANT TO FIGHT BACK but his personality type and with the situation his life is in now I know he will kill me if I get a Restraining order. He is hacking my phone now or again actually and my computer. Watching me ect. I WANT TO FIT BACK! I WANT TO REVERSE IT ON HIM! I WANT TO BE ABLE TO ALE HIM QUESTIONS LIKE ” WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG IN YOUR BATHROOM THIS MORNING WHY WERE IN THERE FROM 9-8:40 a.m. Pacific time? ” or ” why did you call the library at 2 p.m. p acific time on Wednesday the 3rd of (whatever)” I JUST WANT TO BEAT HIM AT HIS OWN GAME. HELP! “PLEASE! is there anyone who would know how to do this.
Thank you so much.
The GoodTherapy.org TeamMay 6th, 2015 at 3:16 PM
Thank you for your comment, Shawn. We wanted to provide links to some resources that may be relevant to you here. We have more information about stalking at http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychpedia/stalking and additional information about what to do in a crisis at http://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html
The GoodTherapy.org Team
DebbieMay 9th, 2015 at 3:03 AM
My stepdaughter is almost 40 and for years my husband kept telling me that she and her mother were extremely jealous of his second chance in life with me and our two children we have together. I’ll save all the misery details of how my husband’s ex wife use to stalk me, which did get rather bizarre and more increased with each of my pregnancies. Once even trying to harm my new born son at the time by breaking and shattering a glass window in the bedroom that she knew he was sleeping in! I was taught to forgive and keep it moving forward. Come to think about it, I forgave a lot from my husband’s first family. His ex finally found someone she fell deeply inlove with, which was a true blessing all the way around. For us it meant peace for her it meant happiness. During that time my stepdaughter and I were getting along. Everything seemed to be beautiful until the untimely death of my husband’s ex. After that is when I started to noticed the stalking tendencies in my stepdaughters actions with several failed relationships. Fast forward 15 yrs later and a failed marriage due in part by my stepdaughters actions she then gets involved with a married man who then leaves his wife and three sons to be with her. This man happenes to be a project manager at a home and business security cable company who specializes in audio and visual surveillance systems who has since been fired last September for stealing and yes you guessed it! My husband and I suspect they have been spying on several people, us included for what we are not sure but I have talked to his previous employer in what was going on with our phones and other internet devices not to mention my own family and they confirmed that my stepdaughters boyfriend was very knowledgeable in the cyber syncing and cyber spying. Is there anyone that may know how we can catch them? I have talked to a IT guy and it seemed like he hasn’t even heard of click jacking. The authorities say cybercrimes are very and virtually sometimes impossible to trace.
D.MichelleMay 10th, 2015 at 8:10 AM
I am going through pretty much the same damn thing, been going on 2 years..but difference is, my stalkers are a bike club, of alternate religion..and I am to..trying to prove this.
KBevMay 10th, 2015 at 12:36 PM
The police have been stalking my husband and I for more than 4 years now! I am handicapped and my husband is a quadriplegic, which makes being terrorized by the people who are supposed to “protect and serve” you that much more horrifying!!!! When I tell people they don’t want to believe it because it’s sooo scary and they’re afraid to get involved because they’re afraid they’ll be next! I’ve gone to both an attorney and a private investigator who both laughed at me and didn’t even offer me a tissue as I sobbed in their offices!!!!!! What was most horrifying recently happened to me as I left the private eye’s office. As we walked out I heard the PI say,”Oh, hi George!!!” When I turned around and saw the face of the man who had followed me there all the way from my home!!!! So, the corruption is sooooo deep here that they went to the attorney and PI before I did and told them to lie to me!!!! My home is completely bugged and camera’d to the hilt and I hear them terrorizing me 24/7,365!!! I’ve been keeping journals about the stalking for several years but I don’t know how to get out of this mental prison!!! No one wants to listen or help me!!!!! What can I do before they plant evidence while I’m gone, make something up or MURDER one of us??!!!!?? When will someone listen?!!? HELP!!!!! I found a website that completely outlines the hell they’re putting us through; policestalking.wordpress.com but can’t find any help!!!!! Thank you! KBev
May 10th, 2015 at
Thank you for your comment, KBev. We wanted to provide links to some resources that may be relevant to you here. We have more information about stalking at http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychpedia/stalking and additional information about what to do in a crisis at http://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html
The GoodTherapy.org Team
stockholmMay 13th, 2015 at 7:30 AM
CSG, i have the same story in Stockholm in Sweden. I came to work before 1 month, april 2015, and everything being orginized and harasment start from first day, when step from apartmen every thing what you say hapening to me. When i go to walk in centar people start to diskretize me on every street, then in train all way till my home. This is posible coz dont have family and frends here. But i can not beleve how many people do it stalking coz this is sick, whay they do it this. I think Sweden have high protect for human right, so i hope there exist non-governmental organizations for the protection of human rights.
Stephanie pMay 23rd, 2015 at 3:31 PM
I have been stalked for about 29 years, and the man was married with children whom he hurt and used in the whole thing , I want to just move on but over the years when I would think it was over he would show up again or his kids or letters or on my road way out in the country. Now I feel nuts because it has been 3 months sence the last letter and I told him once again I don’t need rescued ,and I’m happy and no letters but I feel like I’m the bad on because now I just can’t move on! I feel like bull crap he’s somewhere !! It has hurt me and my family and I feel so helpless sometimes and guilty that I feel like his kids ,not all but a few have followed his steps , though I really don’t know! I feel like I have no privacy ! Any where at any time ! Ilove God and believe he can change anyone but man !!! I can’t stand anymore ! Is he watching , are they watching !! I have sicurity cameras ,I have three big dogs , I’ve learnd how to shoot guns and crossbows ,but its in my mind everywhere I go I’m on guard , and I pray always !! I keep thinking they will change and see hey ! This is wrong and just stop ! But only God can heal me from the damage of been stalked for so long !! And I pray that it is soon !
SarahMay 25th, 2015 at 2:51 PM
I’d love to connect. I’m going through a similar situation.
KBevMay 25th, 2015 at 9:26 PM
I WANT YOU TO BE FULLY AWARE THAT THESE GANG STALKING CORRUPT COPS ARE LISTENING TO EVERY WORD WE SAY!!!!! MAYBE YOU TOO ARE GOING THROUGH THIS AND ARE ALREADY AWARE, I DON’T KNOW BUT THERE ARE AT LEAST DOZENS OF BUGS AND CAMERAS IN MY HOME AND THEY MONITOR ALLLLL OF MY HUSBANDS COMPUTER AND PHONE INTERRACTIONS THAT I USE TO COMMUNICATE WITH!!!! I WROTE TO HBO’S VICE TODAY AND WRITE TO PEOPLE DAILY ABOUT IT IN AN EFFORT TO SAVE OTHERS FROM HAVING TO DEAL WITH THIS MISERY! IT HAS TAKEN YEARS OFF OF MY LIFE ALREADY AND I HAVE TO CARE FOR A QUADRIPLEGIC SO PLEASE, DON’T WASTE MY TIME. NO OFFENSE, IF YOU ARE SERIOUS THOUGH, HIT ME UP!!!!!! I HOPE FOR YOUR MENTAL STATUS THEY AREN’T DOING TO YOU WHAT THEY DO TO ME, SERIAL KILLERS ARE TREATED WITH MORE RESPECT AND LOVE!!!!!!!
-YOURS, KITTY BEVERLY
Phyllis F.June 2nd, 2015 at 12:11 PM
Why do people stalk and harass me almost like they hate me for no reason and it isn’t right someone is still in the attic and they don’t listen to me when I tell them to get away from my child and I ganging up on us and they hack the phone using my name saying they’re me and they are not honestly I feel there’s a heist going to happen where I feel these individuals are going to entrap me with some lie to kidnap my child and steal our identity and finances planning plots with the others that might be involved I am afraid what can I do these people to me seem like terrorist and have someone important helping them I feel helpless and believe they get their kicks off this terrifying my child and I all the time
voltimorJune 7th, 2015 at 4:01 AM
Well, I have been accused of stalking someone that I thought I was friends with. It just so happened after a major confrontation regarding a pretty major lie in my opinion which was that she was in a serious relationship with her music partner. OK so I had a gut feeling all along that she was. So what. But , by lying about that , and asking me to ask her out and showing interest in more than a friend and flirting a lot in subtexting , I can only conclude it was pure manipulation for whatever reason based on how coincidentally she would start to flirt a lot and text me talking more than a few words or lol ing a lot just before asking for something from me. I wont say what. Just that it wasn’t sex however she would act like she was wanting to go that route but I never made any move because as soon as I would see her and gave her what she asked for, the moment was gone , or like not even really ever there.
Ok so sorry long story less long. Point is as soon as I speak up about how her behavior is making me feel and how I see it for what it really is she gets really mad, then somehow makes me out to feel like an ass, stops talking to me and when its really bad , I still keep on trying to communicate but then she blows up and accuses me of stalking her.
Honestly , its not her , or whomever she has turned into at the time being , but trying to actually get her , the person I know and whom is or was a friend to talk to me.
I have to wonder if all the horrible abuse she suffered from in the past caused some damage that resulted in personality disorders
or maybe years of drug use and or both did.
I know I’m not crazy, well if I ever am its always intentional on my part and for good reasons , and just a mask, but I know I’m no stalker . and it really hurts a lot and is causing pain and confusion far worse than any other problems or disorders ive ever come across and so hard to deal with.
I have worked so hard to change any and all behaviors of mine that have hurt her that she has mentioned. Most of which were never I’ll intended , butvnone the less were taken as being so. Even after all that it seems she failed to ever even take notice or see those changes. It seems she still was seeing the bad even when I was actually being good and that made me have to start to wonder if perhaps it wasn’t me.
Very frustrating , painful and plenty of other adjectives that I can’t even come up with because my brain is still fogged up from my heart exploding . i truly love this woman , or who I thought she was. I dunno now because maybe it was all an act on her part because I was such easy prey. I care way too much , love too strong and ‘wear my heart on my sleeve” as she so once told me was one of the major things she liked about me. Well yeah, Duh! Of course she would. Now in retrospect after much reading and soul searching research , that is a major quality narcissists and sociopaths look for in their new victims. Figures as soon as I started to catch on with less doubts about her motives and question her about the ones I still have (ones being doubts) she pulled the plug on me and said to leave her alone. And I would if that request hadn’t come at the time that it did which was during an argument where I had just asked for clarification again about something she had said. She knows I have ADD, and I was only doing what I have learned from her many attempts and won ones at that which was almost like speech and debate tactics I was never good at because I just never let anything get that far, or get involved with anything involving the need for it. Not in friendships and not in religion either. Perhaps its my fault it has come to feel like a courtroom . no real and true friendship should ever feel like or come to that.
Anyhow , I can hardly wait for this “too shall pass” . I might just start running soon . that’s the only thing that hurts so much and cuts off my brain because all I can think about is air . how I need air.
annoyedJune 8th, 2015 at 10:51 PM
First thing first I know what is like to have someone bothering ( stalking) you.
I have had someone calling my mobile and as soon as i answered they hung up.
the phone calls got so bad i had to unplug my phones
I then did a star ten # on one of the calls and it end up being from a hospital.
( i asked them why they called it wasn’t anything to do with me it was one of the patients there)
i have lost count of how many times i have changed my number due to harassment.
I do not even call people yet they accused me of being a stalker.
because I was harassed I no longer want anything to do with mobiles or anyone for that matter
I even hate giving my e-mails out to web sites.
that’s why I change my e-mails a lot.
I have been accused of stalking when I haven’t done anything wrong!!!!!!!!
my neighbour was harassing me by stomping in the room above my head not just to grab something but in one spot!!!!
If you live in an apartment on the ground floor long enough you learn to tell the different when someone is walking to grab something or just pacing in one spot.
I talked to her about the noise!!!
she said she would do something about it like stop wearing high hills
but a-last she kept on stomping with hills on!!!!!!!!!!!
that very neighbour is now accusing my of being a stalker.
and put an avo on me.
I didn’t even know there name until we went to court.
i don’t want anything to do with them.
as they lack basic knowledge like what a stalker is.
stalker knows every little thing you do and want to know every thing about you i on the other hand want nothing to do with them.
I didn’t even know basic info like a name.
i think my neighbours are narcissistic.
( a person who thinks every ones in love with them the most dangerous people in the world as far as i am concerned )
so if you met them you might want to run away from them!!
Narcissistic people tend to become stalkers as they think everyone loves them and they think the person they are stalking is in love with them but just doesn’t know it yet.
even when the person is being rude to them and treating them like crap.
i know another person that was a stalker i feel sorry for the guy she is stalking but the police will not help him as he has been in trouble before.
he’s also in the wrong to as he keeps on answering apparently he calls her to. I think he is leading her on at one stage.
so it can be a bit confusing in that case
he asked me to get her to stop calling him at one stage.
but he came over to see her.
he would call her as well then she would ask me to keep him away.
so that above was an example of what not to do if you do not want someone bother you.
do not send mix signals to the person you want to get away from.
also when online you can not just assume that someone is stalking you.
someone might just like what you like. If they go out their way to bother you then yes be concerned but just block them.
unless they know its your website and the go out of their way to see it and you know they do not like that sort of thing.
Without an invite but you can just block them.
Also some people accuse others of stalking them without even knowing what the word.
If you know someone who thinks everyone loves them (narcissistic )
( provided there is no proof that anyone loves them)
they are more than likely to become a stalker.
as for my neighbours i hope they move out soon
i feel sorry for the next people they move in with.
i hope they move far away from me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
also do not accuse someone of stalking if they show up at the mall as they might be getting groceries.
if you work at a groceries store don’t assume they are stalking you.
if they show up at your house
they know what type of car you drive and they keep on harassing you then you have grounds to feel threaten.
I have now become socially recluse as a result of narcissistic people i hate narcissistic people as they are the type to become stalkers.
” everyone loves me so that person over they must really love me”
when the truth of the matter is that person hates them.
the only place i feel comfortable is online so i can block them.
Also do not listen to bullshit like stalkers start off as loners.
People become loners due to personal reasons.
they might of had friends at one stage but chose to walk away or they had to move a lot so keeping in touch with people can be hard.
so learn what a stalker is before ruing someone life.
if i wanted to get close to someon then i would love to know more about them
but now i have turned agent the world as one to many bad things have happened.
im not talking on little thing i’m talking about stalkers and molestation
i also had bad things happen to me in docs so i lost all trust in the government.
i can not even trust my local police department as the police they lie and get away with it.
so don’t trust the Australian law system.
god for bid if you need help.
annoyedJune 8th, 2015 at 11:15 PM
also do not go to a therapist as they just drug you up and make you feel even worst!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i take care of my own metal health
they just mess it up by forcing the following drugs
dexamphetamine = a from of ice
also i read an book that claimed the anti- depressant drug Prozac
was related to multi personality disorder
also i know there are so called psychologist claiming that stalkers have low self esteem when in fact someone with low self-esteem wouldn’t even be able to ask fro a number for fear of rejection.
stalkers are more than likely narcissistic.
also id like to add if you want to catch a cop lying brake the law
record the crime or write down what you are going to do
( make sure its only something small do not hurt anyone )
then read the repot the police officer writes then if they have change it you caught a corrupted police officer.
I did it once and now I have proof that the police officer in question is a lair.
I thought this police officer was a lair so that is why I did it I just needed proof that they where covering up their tracks.
ADHDKIDDOJune 10th, 2015 at 4:55 PM
Speaking of Dexter amphetamines….only drs employed by the illuminati prescribe desoxyn of means on the streets.
Can’t tell if thats why you below are ANNOYED because in my experience on ADHD meds I was constantly annoyed like you sound today by noises and things most folks learn how to just tune out by having abity to hyper focus.
And then there is the people which whom that type of meds become easily irritated and
RJJune 12th, 2015 at 11:36 PM
You know where law definitions apply? In front of a judge. Scientific definitions? Everywhere else.
MannieJune 16th, 2015 at 12:36 AM
The same is happening with me from last 10 years. That guy wasn’t married he kept on stalking me. Then after 4 years he got married, begotten a son. Then he tried to murder his wife and went to jail for the next 4 years. These 4 years I was able to study freely and move out without any insecurity. I got engaged in this time. But yesterday only I saw him again. He saw me first when I was in market and again started following me. I am scared as this can affect my relationship with my fiancé who is living abroad. I am missing him more now. I want to get married soon and want to shift from this place :( that stalker guy hasn’t changed. He will do anything to hurt me. He never minds to stay in jail for nights. He will hurt my family. I am too scared now. On the other hand I am thinking of talking to him with patience to make him understand that what he is doing isn’t right. In case he might understand what I am trying to say that I do not love him. I wanted to discuss this with my fiancé but I couldn’t. I have only two options left with me: either to have a free life without any kind of terror or I’ll end this life. I am feeling so bad for my fiancé who loves me like anything and I love him too. But I have no other option left now :( sometimes i feel there’s no happiness left in my life.
GoodTherapy AdminJune 16th, 2015 at 9:22 AM
Thank you for your comment, Mannie. We wanted to provide links to some resources that may be relevant to you here. We have more information about what to do in a crisis at http://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html
The GoodTherapy.org Team
Miguel C.July 3rd, 2015 at 12:45 AM
I’m scared because people follow me and watching me 24/7 i’m getting sick i’m losing so much weight i’m look like it skeletal i can’t even sleep. i’m scared to go to work or to the store or staid home a long i thing i have video’s of them i need help i’m feeling like it I’m gonna die my mine is going crazy they watch me thru the Windows night time.
Miguel C.July 3rd, 2015 at 12:49 AM
K people called me called me to my phone alot and watching me
GoodTherapy AdminJuly 3rd, 2015 at 10:33 AM
Thank you for your comment, Miguel C.. We wanted to provide links to some resources that may be relevant to you here. We have more information about stalking at http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychpedia/stalking and additional information about what to do in a crisis at http://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html
The GoodTherapy.org Team
David SJuly 12th, 2015 at 3:10 AM
Call the cops ! He’s A Coward!
NiecyJuly 18th, 2015 at 4:19 PM
I have an ex that is stalking me and he is sending his friends to do his dirty work. I need proof for a restraining order.
theytelizesowellJuly 23rd, 2015 at 6:32 PM
Wow, so many things you habe written that I can relate too. One exception I believe my stalker (s) are my previous employer and ex staff. Imagine someone with never ending money doing these things and like you, making others beleven you are crazy. This is bad because i havw children also which this has effected. One of his majorn”careers software and servers. I am confident it’s him in journal things but the pages get removed and/or replaced with nonesense photos disappear. Luckily I have a lot of this secured on SD cards nowhere close to me. He has violated my privacy more imprtantly violated my children’s privacy. I believe he has had me drugged much like they (ppl un his kind of lifestyle” I believe he has paid ppl to keep quiet. I believe anyntime more than one person is involved in a crime someone always comes clean. We have been through hell. I do not have a support unit. I hope yours gets stronger. People that do this to others especially children are very mentally ill takes very mentally ill.I suspected him at the beginning of our ordeal but thought surely he would not spend time and money on something as crazy as this. I was qwrong. I have been a angry all of this time, now i am scared. It’s hard for me to.imagine a persons hatred would go this far. Mt dishwasher line was cut and flooded my kitchen, my.3 year old dryer caught on fire my air conditioner electric lines have been cut my survelliancemail cameras were flashed so much they dont work. My bank account, phonea and email accounts all compromised files deleted photos deleted etc. As I have tried to remodel my downstairs steadily someone has come in and damaged somthing (while i sleep) that I have worked on. So i found a way to.stay up. My car has been vandalized my home has been vandalized our peace of mind and any feeling of security has been violated. NO HUMAN BEING HAS A RIGHT to do this to anotherI don’t care how much money they have.
TaniaJuly 25th, 2015 at 2:05 PM
Hi do not end it contact your local police and file a restraining Order don’t kill yourself wait to get married and leave and don’t tell anyone you don’t know wjere your going
KaleyJuly 30th, 2015 at 4:16 AM
Praying for everyone on here in the name of Jesus!
MadelineAugust 5th, 2015 at 5:11 AM
I have the same problem. This guy won’t go away and I don’t even like him. He was my sisters friend that got handed down to me. Luckily he thinks I live in the U.S. When I don’t, so that’s about the only edge I have over the situation. The harassment though is very tiresome and makes me angry. Especially that law enforcement won’t help. They really need better internet laws.
joseph s.August 16th, 2015 at 5:41 PM
stalking is stealing never do it! I swear I know it is!
J HarrisAugust 20th, 2015 at 5:17 AM
In Missouri due to all of the publicity of the police the police stated that in order for them to do something to the stalker they would have to have someone dead or in the hospital before the court system will do anything. That’s justice!! Thanks Obama. You are a real winner! In the meantime a stalker has made my life hell for 9 months and continues everyday. O well no big deal but by god they want me to pay my taxes. Naaaa I don’t think I’m going to do that with the situation being what it is.
Yuki UnknownAugust 20th, 2015 at 11:48 AM
Okay, I seriously need help with my stalkers. I have two stalkers in my life. One is a guy I went to High School with, the second one, well you wouldn’t believe me if I told you who the other one is. Help! My friend who is more like a brother and I are out of ideas. We have no proof and no way to get proof, any ideas?
VannieAugust 22nd, 2015 at 7:00 AM
I am very afraid of my stalkers. My stalking has gone on for for five years. I have two stalking situations. I have a death threat and don’t know if the threats are related to each other.
I have filed a police report and it was witnessed by a coworker which made it worse. I am a runner I went from a 4-6 hour daily workout to a 0 workout I am getting sick from depression.
I don’t know how to keep myself from getting sicker from depression.
MollyAugust 23rd, 2015 at 12:53 PM
Yuki, Yes I do know how. Every single time he drives by you document, every incident that occurs, document. Time, date and incident. I was stalked for over a year before I was told to journal everything no matter how small. You might feel silly you probably feel like you are going crazy. I wish there was more knowledge out there with employers and the public in general about stalking. Yes there are probably people with a paranoia issue who are not being truly stalked but maybe have other mental health issues that need addressed but there are so many stalking incidents unreported where the victim lives in constant fear but says nothing possibly because they don’t want to sound crazy and feels like they won’t be believed. I wonder how many acts of violence started with unreported stalking? Every action or even no action has a consequence. When you take a step to get help you might not be believed and sadly you will be victimized again by some around you. Your life matters seek help . If you have a local women’s shelter that deals with domestic issues they should have training and be able to help get you started documenting. They will also help you with a security plan. A man that stalks is unstable and you often are left waiting for the other shoe to drop not knowing how far they will go. I believe if my stalker shows up at my house he will commit an act of violence. No matter what anyone thinks I know it with everything in me. I had to decide is my life worth getting help. When I did seek help and show the letters to a therapist I was shocked that they had a name for what was happening to me and that name was stalking. My stalker was the “nicest guy” at work, married, involved in church and his community. So yes, I would believe. Seek help, stalking can lead to violence. Your life matters.
GoodTherapy AdminAugust 23rd, 2015 at 12:59 PM
Thank you for your comment, Vannie. We wanted to provide links to some resources that may be relevant to you here. We have more information about what to do in a crisis at http://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html
The GoodTherapy.org Team
DarcyAugust 23rd, 2015 at 6:47 PM
Missouri must have definitely changed over the years approximately 15 years ago I had a woman stalking me I had to finally get a restraining order she never physically touched me but she would call every store I was at and have me paged she would sit out my exit out side my home far enough away she was not breaking the restraining order I waited tables at the time and we had a lot of police that came in where I work she have a call and I have the officer come over to the phone and put it on speaker so he can hear what she had to say it it was name calling and threats finally it was enough for her get arrested and finally it got her to leave me alone I’m so sorry that the laws have changed because I know first hand how messed up people I hope it gets better or you
AdeleAugust 23rd, 2015 at 7:37 PM
Just stumbled across this website, feel so desperate at the moment. I have phoned the police and even though my ex Husband has nearly killed me with evidence on cctv and had numerous injunctions which he has broken! Plus been to prison for Gbh against me
He still feels the need to stalk me within days of the last injunction expiring!!
Because he sat there behind me tonight watching me although everyone knew why he was in a place he would never normally be the police say they cannot help me!! As he has not committed a crime.!!
Yes I will be spending the next week or so putting another injunction in place to try to ensure the safety of me and my children.
What makes me so angry is I attempted to renew the injunction just before it expired and the judge rejected it and stated she did not deem my ex as a threat anymore and I could not renew my injunction without notice and I would have to start again with a new application. I believe he will never rest until I am dead!! Told the police the same thing.mi do hope that they one day listen…… :-/
Do these men ever stop and move on??
Mattie EAugust 31st, 2015 at 1:14 AM
I HAVE BEEN A VICTIM OF STALKING SINCE 2012…EVERY TIME I GET IN FRONT OF A JUDGE I TELL THEM WHAT IS GOING ON.THE HEARINGS WERE ABOUT CHILD CUSTODY BUT NEVER THE LESS I LET IT BE KNOWN WHAT I WAS GOING THROUGH.SINCE THIS PERSON WAS GOING TO THE NEIGHBORS HOUSE EVERYDAY LOOKING OVER MY FENCE… DRIVING BY MY HOUSE…THREATENING ME AND MY FIANCE SO ON AND SO FOURTH,THE JUDGE TOLD ME TO GROW UP I WAS BEING CHILDISH AND MAYBE HE WAS LOOKING OVER MY FENCE TO SEE IF MY HOUSE WAS ON FIRE.THE SAME DAY THIS PERSON CAME BACK TO THE NEIGHBORS HOUSE AND SAID AS LOUD AS HE COULD…ITS A GOOD DAY FOR A FIRE… SINCE THEN I FEEL I HAVE NO POWER AND THINGS JUST ESCALATED.NOW SINCE I WAS SUCCESSFUL WITH OBTAINING A R.O HE IS TAKING ME TO COURT TO HAVE IT LIFTED,AND IS STATING HE WAS NEVER SERVER..I’M A LIAR AND MAKING IT SEEM LIKE I’M STALKING HIM….I ARE WHY A LOT OF BATTERED WOMEN STAY IN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS.. CAUSE ONCE THEY GET THEIR POWER BACK..THE JUDICIAL SYSTEM BREAKS THEM DOWN,AND THEY ARE ABUSED ONCE AGAIN….SO SAD…WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSE TO DO WHEN NO ONE WILL LISTEN….
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