How to Help Someone Who Hoards

stacks of old magazinesHoarding is a serious mental health condition that can expose people who do it to dangerous living conditions, the derision of family and friends, and social isolation. About 5% of the world’s population hoards, but only about 15% of people who hoard recognize that their behavior is irrational. If you’re concerned about someone you love who hoards, you can’t force your loved one to get better. You can, however, provide a supportive environment that encourages your loved one to seek help and makes recovery possible.

Don’t Take Their Possessions

If your loved one’s house is covered in old magazines or unused clothes, it can be tempting to “cure” him or her by taking the items he or she hoards. This won’t remedy the underlying problem, though, and it can destroy your relationship with your loved one. Moreover, people who hoard can experience serious emotional distress when their possessions are taken, so your good intentions may actually harm a person you love.

Don’t Enable the Behavior

While you can’t stop someone who hoards from hoarding, you can avoid enabling the behavior. If your friend hoards antiques, don’t invite her to go antiquing. If your mother is a compulsive collector, don’t add to her collection at every birthday and holiday. Don’t offer to store hoarded items for a loved one, and if you live with someone who has been hoarding, don’t allow their possessions to overtake your home.

Educate Yourself

To the outside observer, hoarding just doesn’t make sense. If you want to help a loved one, learn as much as you can about this condition by reading websites, consulting mental health professionals, or even attending a support group for people who want to love and help people who hoard. Once you understand the fear, loneliness, and anxiety associated with hoarding, you may be better able to offer empathy and support.

Recognize Small Victories

Particularly among people who hoard who have had the habit for years, it can take months or years to get rid of hoarded possessions and for progress with the issue to become visible. If your loved one doesn’t feel like small victories matter, he or she will have little incentive to keep trying. Help your loved one celebrate small victories by praising them for throwing away a few items or refraining from buying new ones.

Help Them Sort Their Belongings

Some people who hoard accumulate so much stuff that it fills an entire house. Even after your loved one stops hoarding, he or she may have an entire home filled with hoarded items. Volunteer to help your loved one sort through his or her items and clean out the home. Some companies specialize in helping those who have hoarding issues clean up, so if you and your loved one are daunted by a packed home, consider contacting an organization that can help.

Don’t Clean Up for Them

Although helping your loved one sort his or her possessions can be helpful, doing it for him or her is not. Likewise, you can’t expect that the person in your life who is hoarding will make progress if you force him or her into treatment. These individuals need to make independent decisions, and this might mean waiting to intervene until the person you love is ready for help.

Help Your Loved One Find Treatment

Taking the first step toward treatment can be daunting, and it’s not always easy to find a qualified therapist. Don’t force your loved one into treatment, but consider researching treatment providers so you can offer information when your loved one is ready. GoodTherapy.org can help you find a therapist who specializes in hoarding.

References:

  1. Hoarding and OCD, stats, characteristics, causes, treatment and resources. (n.d.). Retrieved from http://www.namimass.org/hoarding-and-ocd-stats-characteristics-causes-treatment-and-resources
  2. Hoarding: The basics. (n.d.). Retrieved from http://www.adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/obsessive-compulsive-disorder-ocd/hoarding-basics
  3. How to help the hoarder in your life: Some suggestions. (n.d.). Retrieved from http://www.ocfoundation.org/eo_families_of_hoarders.aspx

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The preceding article was solely written by the author named above. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. Questions or concerns about the preceding article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment below.

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  • leonora

    leonora

    June 21st, 2014 at 12:58 PM

    I always wonder about those shows where they go in and clean out the hoarder’s homes and then the house looks all clean again, but then what happens after the cameras leave? I would suspect that for many if not most of these people, you go back a month or two later and the hoarding behavior has started all over again if they are not getting treatment for it too. I think that this is doing those families such a disservice because I know that you have to clean out the homes too, but you also have to get this person some help and if you don’t do that then once the cameras are turned off the hoarding tendencies will not take very long to begin taking back over again. The behavior totally freaks me out because I am such a neat freak and the thought of living like that confuses me but I also know that they have problems and if you want to help them then you have to do more than just call out a maid service for them.

  • juniper T

    juniper T

    June 23rd, 2014 at 4:05 AM

    My instinct would be to treat this just like you would any other addict, with care and kindness. You can’t judge them and make them feel bad about something over which they obviously have no control. Yes, they need to learn to help themselves but at the same time this will not be something that most can do on their own.

  • Connor

    Connor

    June 23rd, 2014 at 3:13 PM

    For those of us who do not have these tendencies it is hard to understand those who do. Why do they feel the need to hang onto things that look useless and insignificant to the rest of us? For them, though, they must hold some sort of importance to them in their lives and while I would rather they collect in a way that does not destroy them or their home, I know that I would not want someone to come in and tell me the things that I loved and was attached to was junk and they don’t want to hear that about their things either. You can still try to be helpful while being kind, and there is help out there although I have heard that treating hoarding can be one of the more difficult addictive behaviors to break. I think that for many who have this urge it goes so deep for them that there are a lot of layers that have to be peeled away before you can even begin to get near the root of the problem and what causes this behavior.

  • GiNgEr

    GiNgEr

    June 24th, 2014 at 4:17 AM

    Don’t belittle them and make light of their situation.

    I am sure that many hear quite enough of that from friends, family and neighbors and when you talk down to someone like that you have to know that someone with this kind of behavior already out on the table is going to internalize all of that negativity and want even more things in their lives that does not make them feel that way about themselves.

    I am not blaming others because this is something that only the hoarder herself can resolve, but we don’t help by talking to them like they are children and trying to make something so compllex into something simple. For them there is not a simple solution at all.

  • Trudy T.

    Trudy T.

    June 24th, 2014 at 3:18 PM

    With hoarders it is probably easier to ease them into the recognition that they need to clean up their activity and show them slowly just how detrimental this has become for them. Most of them probably know it on some level but they refuse to see the real damage that this is doing to themselves and to others. I think that most of them think that this is not hurting anyone else so why does it even matter, but you have to show them little by little that because of this addiction they have lost their friends, their family, and ultimately their entire life because of this behavior. They have to get to the point where they can see just how much this is putting a wedge between them and everyone else and give them a reason to want to change, because if they don’t truly wish to change their ways then it can never happen.

  • leigh

    leigh

    June 25th, 2014 at 4:21 AM

    We grew up with an uncle who was like this, before this even had a name, we just thought he was a crazy old uncle who didn’t like to clean up behind himself. I look back now and see that he was filling something in his life that he was otherwise missing.

  • Claudia

    Claudia

    June 26th, 2014 at 4:24 AM

    You don’t think about the things that we do that can enable this person but those examples that are given above are excellent points. You can’t ask them to do things with you or you do things for them that will allow them to continue this behavior. It may start out seeming harmless but we would not be talking about it in this forum if this was something that was not touching a lot of lives and hurting numerous people.

  • Jessalyn

    Jessalyn

    June 26th, 2014 at 11:32 AM

    Be kind
    be patient
    be thoughtful
    be aware of their needs
    kind of the same way we should treat everyone, don’t you think?

  • Trishawish

    Trishawish

    March 8th, 2017 at 12:16 AM

    It is just heartbreaking to watch a beloved friend descend into a pit of “stuff.” I know it is a disease, I pray for my friend, but I am losing her to an endless mountain of that stuff. It breaks my heart.

  • Ann

    Ann

    September 19th, 2018 at 5:30 PM

    Yes I have a friend that has done the same thing. Her house is awful and smells so bad. I still like her, and try to be kind to her, but it pushes me back. I can’t go over her house as there is no where to sit and I am allergic to cats. SO So so Sad. I found this site looking for ways to help her.

  • Stacy

    Stacy

    June 27th, 2014 at 12:45 PM

    I have watched all of the shows about this and seriously it breaks my heart to learn more about it. These are people who are living with such a hole in their lives that they never think that they can feel so they accumulate more and more things which will never take the place of waht they are actually missing, whatever that might actually be.

  • brynna q.

    brynna q.

    June 28th, 2014 at 12:27 PM

    We all know that unless and until someone is ready to receive help then there is no sense in even trying. They are not ready to put the effort into recovery so we should not put all of our own strength into that eprson who is going to sap it from us. When they are ready to make a change, no matter how much I might want it for them right now, until they want it too, it can even become a moot point to even talk about it. Separate yourself from the person, stop going around and see if withholding your presence could be enough to make them see that now is the time that they should begin moving forward if they want to retain the people that they love in their lives. Because if we continue to stay around they are going to see this as an acceptance of the hoarding and they will have no real reason to think seriously about quitting.

  • Ric

    Ric

    June 29th, 2014 at 10:47 AM

    Are there a lot of therapists who specialize in hoarding issues?

  • Celeste

    Celeste

    December 6th, 2014 at 2:38 PM

    My mom is to the point where she needs to move into assisted living but won’t because she thinks she needs to keep EVERYTHING she encounters until the end of time. So much furniture in her home including supremely old mattresses from my childhood which ended over 20 years ago.

  • Desperate Dad

    Desperate Dad

    December 23rd, 2014 at 3:35 AM

    What about the family that lives with a hoarder? I understand that we should be gentle and basically walk on eggshells when it comes to a loved one’s hoarding but at what point do you say enough is enough? I have a wife and three children. My wife has always been a hoarder and it has gotten progressively worse over the past fifteen years. For years the kids and I have been trying to take the advice of all of these hoarding websites that basically say try to be gentle, understanding, and compassionate which is OK for the hoarder but what about the rest of the family. The kids are suffering mentally and I know it is because we go out of our way to conform to this type of living. They are teenagers now and are old enough to realize that they have basically been screwed out of a normal childhood. I could go on and on about the living hell that we are in but I would have to write a book. I may be a few years too late but I think it is time to put my kids needs before my mentally ill wife’s needs. I know it sounds harsh but my children’s mental health may still be salvageable, my wife’s hoarding problem is not.

  • Living With a Hoarder

    Living With a Hoarder

    February 20th, 2017 at 5:32 AM

    Oh my, desperate dad! You took the words right out of my mouth! What about the ones living with the hoarder and THEIR mental health!? Indeed!

  • Steve

    Steve

    January 11th, 2016 at 5:11 PM

    I am deeply in love with a hoarder. I am 66 years old and l am a therapist. I can’t let her go because because our happiness depends on it. I am empathetic but l do not know how to help. I can’t live without her. Please help me to help her .

  • ED

    ED

    January 4th, 2017 at 11:22 PM

    I am a hoarder in your age group and feel that I could truly explain and offer suggestion s that would help you, if you would like to communicate, please do.

  • Jacki S.

    Jacki S.

    January 18th, 2017 at 8:46 PM

    I am a hoarder. It has gotten out of control. My Mom lives with me and she hoarder too. I hoard movies. anything Christmas, pot for flowers. and on and on and on….I don’t know where to start and need help.

  • Russel

    Russel

    June 20th, 2016 at 4:54 PM

    My Aunt had a hoarding problem and we finally fixed it last Summer. Her house was a mess and finding everyday household stuff was a pain. Together with her 2 daughters, we started tackling one room at a time. We committed 30 minutes everyday. This made it easier for my Aunt to depart with all the stuff she had piled up over the years. Once we cleared a room, we invited friends and neighbors over to see the progress. Their positive comments encouraged my Aunt to keep going on. Posting before and after photos online also helped. In about a month, we were done. We piled all the junk in the garage and rented a roll-off dumpster from disposabins.com and they took everything away in one shot. What a relief!

  • Pan

    Pan

    May 21st, 2017 at 10:50 AM

    I have lived with a hoarder husband for 29 years. Basement is piled with “collections.” Area hasn’t been cleaned in years. He owns another house in another town. After discussing the problem with a therapist for months, I told him everything had to go so the area could be cleaned and painted. I gave him a month deadline to have the items out. I said I’d hire movers to move the heavy things but it all has to go. He’s fixated on what is “allowed” back in. I feel very alone in this process. It would be helpful to find a group – in person or on line. Any helpful comments would be most appreciated. Thank you.

  • Nicnac

    Nicnac

    July 9th, 2018 at 8:32 AM

    Hi Pan,
    I realize that it was last year that you posted and I hope you were able to move through the situation well enough. My mother and brother are hoarders and I’ve been the “responsible” child that got the brunt of the work, criticisms, smart remarks from other family members and not only survived but thrived. There are some very subtle things to watch for that if you don’t see what’s occurring, will get you off track.

  • Pan

    Pan

    July 9th, 2018 at 1:08 PM

    On May 10, we got divorced but still live together. Second marriage and needed to protect my income. He has done nothing to improve the house he owns in another town since 2002. No one will insure an unoccupied property. On July 1, I told him he needed to move himself and his stuff to the other house. I gave him a Sept. 15, 2018 deadline. I cannot change him, and I cannot live with him anymore. I can only change myself. It has taken me a long, long time to get to the final straw. Now I have to follow through.

  • marie

    marie

    June 27th, 2017 at 8:55 AM

    My granddaughter is a hoarder. I offered her a place to stay in order to finish college. Since I’m in poor health it’s become very hard to manage this situation. Her room has become unbelievable. I’ve tried to clean it up more than once but I found it hasn’t helped. My best bet is to at lest keep her possessions limited to her room. however, the overflow has extended at times into the other parts of the house.
    My main worry is that when she moves and gets married she will only get worse. I love her but it seems I have no way to help her. I hurts me deeply.

  • Anonymous

    Anonymous

    July 9th, 2017 at 5:26 PM

    I completely disagree with the walk on eggshells approach. The hoard is about control. The hoarder wants to avoid responsibility for creating a home. For whatever reason. It needs to be confronted, cleaned and monitored. Don’t let the hoarder fool you. It is more kind to help the hoarder out. I know this.

  • Trisha

    Trisha

    July 10th, 2017 at 10:57 AM

    But, don’t you think professional intervention is needed? It is a mental illness after all. Could you get anyone else to change just by demanding it? I’ve seen some of the people on the TV shows who will give up their husbands/wives/children in order to keep the hoard. Also, this email shows have shown that unless the hoarder makes an internal change, the hoard comes back. I think the hoarders are deeply disturbed people who use the hoard, as you say, as a form of control, as a wall to keep people away. I wish I had a solution for my dear friend. I miss her. I think this disease is progressive but you can’t force people into therapy.

  • Pan

    Pan

    July 9th, 2017 at 7:40 PM

    Thank you. I’ve accomplished confronted and cleaned – it took 7 weeks to get the entire basement completely empty, 2 days to rip up rugs, sanitize and clean. Now ready for paint. the hardest will be the monitoring on a weekly basis to prevent this horror from returning to this space.

  • AMBrose

    AMBrose

    September 4th, 2017 at 5:38 AM

    Looking back, thanks to reading all the above comments and finding nuggets of similarity, I realized that this was the ‘dis-ease’ that my partner of 33 years was afflicted with before the beginning of our relationship in 1985. When you are given someone to truely love, there can be no letting go no matter what you think or feel. To me, it is a sacred duty that has been given to you to learn from , discover one’s own deficiencies, faults, etc.,etc., and to see if you are able, that the one, most difficult feeling, emotional mind/thought to overcome and literally grab by the throat and quell, is IMPATIENCE. Work on that in relation to yourself first and your continued relationship with the one that has been given to you will work itself out on so many levels that at this time, you cannot even imagine.

  • Sherri

    Sherri

    October 21st, 2017 at 12:40 PM

    My mother is an hoarder. I have avoided going to her house because it just makes me angry and frustrated. I know I can’t change her. But here is the problem: She is in an assisted living home. She needs to be moved from the second floor to the first floor for health and safety reasons. I went through the drama last year of moving her into the home. She has been collecting “things” for the past year. 1) She can’t let go of gifts or things she claims are “hand-made” (the people in her assisted living home give her more “things”). 2) The staff will not clean her room, except for a cursory run through because of her accumulation of stuff. 3) I need divine intervention in order to get through this next move. Question: Do you actually tell a person who hoards that they are hoarding? Do you label the behavior? She is on medicaid and section 8 housing, and she cannot afford professional help. I am already paying for many things she cannot afford like her telephone, internet, roku channels, and supplements not covered by medicaid. I cannot afford to spend more money. Where can I go to get help for her?

  • Sam

    Sam

    November 17th, 2017 at 5:09 PM

    Sherri – I wish I could give you some advice, but I have none to offer. I just want to let you know that you are not alone. My mother has similar problems and I don’t know what to do/how to help either. Prayers for us both!

  • Trishawish

    Trishawish

    November 17th, 2017 at 7:49 PM

    Sheri, I think you are doing the best you can. I pray for my friend all the time, but I think our relationship is pretty much over now. We have to remember that this is a serious mental illness. I did label the illness because I thought that secrecy and denial were detrimental to the hoarder in the long run. I felt I could not pretend my friend was simply messy or a “clutterbug” as she liked to refer to herself. But, in the long run, things were more important to her than people. I still pray and wish her the best. I know that is not available to you as you are dealing with a family member. I hope things work out for good for you.

  • Heather

    Heather

    January 8th, 2018 at 11:29 AM

    What is the best way to confront a hoarder who does not believe he has a problem (my dad)? I understand the psychology is about perfection, etc. and that is exactly what he thinks he is: perfect. But there is food spoiling, smells coming from him and the house, and rotting junk. This disease has ruined their once beautiful, magazine cover-worthy home. My mom is now a prisoner of the house, and can’t touch his stuff or he freaks out. She tries her best, but he has completely ruined everything over the past 10 years or so. It has gotten progressively worse with age. He refuses any kind of help. The only option I can think of is to tell him he can’t see his grandchildren anymore until something is done. They already aren’t allowed there anymore and that doesn’t seem to bother him. He comes here. Please help!! He carries the stench of the house with him! I’m at a loss :(

  • Trishawish

    Trishawish

    July 19th, 2018 at 10:24 PM

    I think you approach the hoarder the same way you would approach an alcoholic.

  • suneede

    suneede

    February 5th, 2018 at 8:55 AM

    Im not even sure how to begin to approach my adult child that is a single parent.

  • Mariah

    Mariah

    April 29th, 2018 at 8:19 PM

    My sister is a hoarder and she has a ton of paper bags in all shapes and sizes. It’s mentioned here that we should not clean up for them and just volunteer to sort things out. Moreover, it’s highly recommended to have hoarding cleanout services in this type of circumstance.

  • Caroleann

    Caroleann

    May 5th, 2018 at 12:47 AM

    My elderly mother is a hoarder and the worst part is, my Dad is in his mid-90s, very frail and uses a walker. The house is such a trip hazard for him. He is constantly getting caught up on things with the walker and falling. It’s a nightmare. There is no getting through to her. Every day she talks about how she is going through things but all she does is move things from one pile to another and pretends that she’s making progress if she throws 3 pieces of paper away. She’s obsessed with recycling too. Even if there are things she knows she has no use for, she won’t throw them away or even give them to Goodwill. She has to think about who would be able to best use the outdated piece of junk so she can give it specifically to them. She has tons of magazines but won’t throw them away or give them away because she thinks they won’t be appreciated. She has to be sure whomever she gives them to also won’t throw them away. We have pretty much accepted that there will never be any solution. We will just have to watch them live out their lives like this and then ultimately hire a junk truck to come haul it all away. It’s very, very depressing to watch.

  • Anitra

    Anitra

    February 20th, 2019 at 7:47 PM

    My mother is a hoarder. I’ve tried all sorts of things. Appealed to her mobility (she needs a cane, it’s a trip hazard), her health (it’s very hard to clean around all the papers and junk), her finances (it’s a fire hazard and the landlord may start charging more) and finally tried appealing to her love for me. I told her “when you’re gone, I’m going to have to deal with all of this. I’m going to have to throw most of it away.” She told me that was fine, because she can’t decide what to throw away now. :(

  • jack

    jack

    May 21st, 2018 at 7:40 AM

    It’s the elephant in the room; have any of you ever lived out of a suitcase? For me, I’ve no choice and no, you don’t always have a choice; it will take a complete brain short circuit to heve her actually remove “stuff” out of the house and storage unit.

  • Janice

    Janice

    July 18th, 2018 at 3:35 PM

    Please contact me for Hoardering solutions. Please. Thanks

  • The GoodTherapy.org Team

    The GoodTherapy.org Team

    July 18th, 2018 at 3:47 PM

    Hi, Janice. Thank you for visiting GoodTherapy.org. If you would like to consult with a mental health professional, please feel free to return to our homepage, http://www.goodtherapy.org/, and enter your zip code into the search field to find therapists in your area. If you’re looking for a counselor that practices a specific type of therapy, or who deals with specific concerns, you can make an advanced search by clicking here: http://www.goodtherapy.org/advanced-search.html

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  • Theia

    Theia

    September 29th, 2018 at 4:53 PM

    Many articles and reports cover older people hoarding but what about if you have a husband and adult child you live with and they both hoard different things and your own life is miserable, for them as you care about them deeply, but also as your home is full of other peoples things you cannot touch or move? This has happened to me and since I have become slightly disabled, it is more of a problem, but they promise to clean up and never do and get angry and upset if I try. They refuse to accept they have issues and seek any help. I can’t afford to move out, or get a cleaner to help. I had never heard of this condition until recent years when it was shown on documentary programmes and only realised my family had it when it escalated in recent years from just being a bit untidy and having a lot of things into what seems to be real hoarding disorder and all that goes with it. We’ve had some family traumas but nothing much more than most people, I cannot see how this has occurred though it must have some heredity trait?

  • CB

    CB

    October 11th, 2018 at 8:47 AM

    My boyfriend’s step daughter (previous girlfriend’s daughter) is a hoarder. I don’t think her house is unsanitary. It’s my belief that there’s no rotting food, bugs or animal waste around – just very cluttered. The boyfriend and I are building a house together, and because he had to sell his previous home, he is now living with her. She refuses to admit that she has a problem and has said that she has no intentions to clean her house. My boyfriend is currently storing some of her items and refuses to make her take them because there’s no room in her house for them. I believe that’s HER problem and shouldn’t be his! However, he’s refusing to make her take her items from him. The house we are building together cannot yet be occupied because it’s not finished. My boyfriend is now considering renting 2 shipping containers, which will be placed IN FRONT of the new house, temporarily. This bothers me immensely. I understand that he has furniture, car parts, etc. that he needs to store until the house is finished. However, I believe that if he could get the step daughter to take her items, he may only need one shipping container in front of our new house, not two. How do we get his step daughter to understand that she has a real problem? I believe that he should make her aware that her problem is spilling over into OUR relationship, but I don’t think he’s done that yet. How do I get him to stop enabling her? Finally, the step daughter has custody of her minor child, who also has to live with all the clutter. This affects the minor child in a negative way. So does she not see this? Or does she simply not care? Frustrated to the point of wanting to end this relationship due to my boyfriend’s refusal to clearly communicate that she has an issue and to get her to understand that she’s effecting him, me and her daughter. Sad when people seem to value their possessions more than their loved ones. I just don’t get it! Any suggestions are welcomed and appreciated.

  • Trishawish

    Trishawish

    October 14th, 2018 at 2:15 PM

    I wish you the very best with this dilemma. I would not expect the stepdaughter to change. If your significant other will not set limits with her, I think you can only expect more enabling to occur in the future. Remember that you can only control your own behavior. I do wonder why your SO is so deeply invested in a child that is not his own. Where is the girl’s mother in this situation? I have a beloved stepfather myself, but he was actually married to my mother and we have a 60 year relationship. I see that as being different than a live-in relationship, but that might just be because I’m old. :) I commend him on maintaining his relationship with this young lady, but I wonder if he thinks that doing whatever she asks is the only way to maintain the relationship. My husband continues to enable his youngest daughter financially and I think he just can’t say the word ‘no’. You should be prepared for your SO to continue his behavior if you commit to remaining in the relationship.

  • CB

    CB

    October 15th, 2018 at 1:14 PM

    Thank you Trishawish. I appreciate your comments. My SO was with the stepdaughter’s mother for 23 years; and when he starting dating the mom, the daughter was only a few months old. The mom passed away several years ago, and I believe that she left a lot of items to her daughter, most of them having little monetary value. So part of the hoard was inherited. There is also a car in the stepdaughter’s yard that the mom used to own. The stepdaughter does not drive the car. It’s just sitting there rotting away. Clearly she has a strong emotional attachment to it. I would like to know the stepdaughter better, and wished I felt comfortable enough to have a conversation with her. But I guess that’s not my job, it’s my SO’s.

  • Suzanne

    Suzanne

    November 18th, 2018 at 12:16 PM

    Thanks for all the comments that were so helpful in my hoarding situation. Sister has actually rented apartments and bought houses to “store” her stuff. What a financial drain which she is beginning to feel. After many years of hoarding, she finally acknowledges her behaviour but does so as a badge of honor that she recognizes her problem. By admitting this, she feels exonerated from having to do anything about it. Disabilities have increased my concern for her environment. Interesting that hoarders exhibit similar behavior and ones that are involved with them exhibit similiar behaviour (frustration, concern, anger, and helplessness).

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