Excessive Pain, Often Suicidal Type

This article contains detailed information and accounts of suicidal ideation & behavior. If you or someone you know may be considering suicide, get help now.

To continue to discuss the very different types of experience people have with depression, this is one that most people don’t experience, but is important to address, since some do. Suicide is not in this case a tool to get people to do or feel what the suicidal person wants; it’s simply the ultimate way to make unrelenting emotional pain stop.

I believe people’s experience of the emotional pain of life varies tremendously. Some of this is due to genetically influenced brain chemistry and resilience, but much of it is due to how much trauma and emotional hurt, loss, injustice, abuse, and other painful experiences people have experienced. We have beta endorphins in our brains to numb pain and create euphoria, so we can handle both physical and emotional pain. But people are born with varying amounts and life events can influence our supply as well. For people with very little of this chemical, life is much more painful.

When people are in intense unrelenting physical or emotional pain, they can want to die to end the pain. For most people, unbearable pain is temporary and thoughts of suicide due to pain never get a chance to settle in and become truly serious. Similarly, most people who seriously consider suicide, or even attempt it eventually find themselves glad they continued to live. This is why professionals do everything possible to prevent people from trying to kill themselves.

In fact very few people are depressed or in other emotional or physical pain for years and years despite all treatment available. Most depression either passes with time, or is treatable in psychotherapy and sometimes medication. But occasionally people go decades in unrelenting emotional pain despite every possible type of intervention. I knew of a woman who had this experience and eventually decided she had had enough. She wrote to or talked to all her loved ones and planned everything very carefully, with plenty of time to say goodbye—as she might have done, knowing she had a terminal illness. In fact she did have a terminal illness, because occasionally depression can be that devastating.  Everyone in her life had watched her struggle for many, many years, and understood her need to end the pain. She did it as responsibly as she could, and I don’t think it’s fair for anyone to judge people like this woman, based on their own experience of pain, because hers was clearly way beyond what most of us ever experience.

Again, this is very rare, and most people have other options, hope, and an underlying strong will to live. For most people, that will to live may waver temporarily and is usually replaced by a fear of either dying, killing themselves, or being dead, or by guilt about leaving behind people who love them and/or depend on them, and eventually the will to live comes back. If you have children, please know that children never recover from their parents’ suicide and are at great risk for suicide and depression themselves. If you think everyone would be better off without you, know that most suicidal people believe this, and it is a distortion. If you wonder, ask the adults around you if it’s true that they would be better off if you killed yourself.

© Copyright 2011 by Cynthia W. Lubow, MS, MFT. All Rights Reserved. Permission to publish granted to GoodTherapy.org.

The preceding article was solely written by the author named above. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. Questions or concerns about the preceding article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment below.

  • Leave a Comment
  • Fraser

    May 10th, 2011 at 4:15 AM

    There are problems,yes. But no problem is big enough to put your life at stake. Everybody’s struggling and doing whatever they are to be able to survive, to succeed. To think that your own pains are too big and give it all up would not be right at all.

  • Omni

    November 9th, 2016 at 4:19 AM

    When u are mentaly healthy, yeah there is no problem too big. People who say that you have no right to have suicidal feelings or toughts had never obviously felt suicidal or felt even 20% of emotional pain that people WITH suicidal ideations feel. Mental Illness (in mine situation double depression) amplifies pain for 300%. I have around 120 IQ (was taking test from mensa International but its not relevant, even with average IQ, college with medium effort should be no big problem) yet I cant pass 2 courses in my college in whole year. Second, I meet a girl few months ago and fall out of this world in love with her just for her to say that she is sorry and that I shouldnt had this much hope for us in future. Now if I would be mentally healthy, probably I would let her go and forgot about all this ages ago, yet as much as its sound made up I am constantly, every few days , having dreams about her (including one today)… I have no support, tried 6 antidepressants and 3 antipsychotic for a little boost for antidepressants but never achived remission just reduction of symptoms just enough so that I can eat and do at least some work ( and I stopped seeing my doctor, there is just no point)… If u dont have any clue on what are u talking about then is better to not say anything at all…

  • Debby

    October 10th, 2019 at 4:26 PM

    Contrary to most beliefs, there are some situations where, not as a way out, but to put and end to pain. In some cases, a combination of physical and emotional pain are unbearable for some. I’ll give an example: – A man lost his wife (barely mid-thirties) to cancer, couldn’t take care of himself afterwards, and his children were taken away by Child services. His (ex) mother-in-law turned his children against him and filed bogus criminal charges. Got arrested a few hours after learning wife’s death, and missed her funeral the next day due to imprisonment (weekend). He never got over that. He then lost his job, had to file for bankruptcy, lost his house and everything in it (everything he and his wife had worked for, for the last 15 years), lost all family heirlooms, the kids heritage, has nothing but a few pictures as memory for his wife. He then lost his abilities, some of his memory, had to be followed by a therapist, a psychiatrist, a psychologist and was given medication for schizophrenia! Because of the charges, lost his family, his friends….all social life. He was diagnosed with an incurable disease, had 0-3 years tops. Then diagnosed with another disease. He didn’t sleep, was starving (spent 6 months with 0$ revenue), lunch was 3 tablespoons of mayo, had nothing in fridge. Couldn’t concentrate. Even though passing by several times a day, could go days, weeks without showering. He had no more breathe, extreme pains in right arm and stomach. Lost his sight several times over different periods of time, lost balance, back all scratched from falling.Found out he was too poor to file for bankruptcy (!), was unable to pay minimum fee to his trustee. Couldn’t pay his meds….I can understand him wanting to go. As he put it: – You get to a point where all you are doing is killing a dead man! I, personally , would not have been able to deal with all of that, within 7-8 months. I respect his decision. * You are given life, it is yours and only yours, no one but you shall decide what you do with it.*

  • Ginny

    May 10th, 2011 at 4:37 AM

    I know that the pain that someone like this is feeling is very real to them but I have a hard time imaginign going through life always being with this kind of hurt and emotional distress. What do you think happened to this person to make them not so happy for such long periods of time? Do you think that for most of them it is some chemical thing that triggers these kinds of sad emotions day in and day out? Or do you think that for most of them it is either something that they have experienced or conversely may have missed out on that starts them down this road to constant distress and sadness? I would love to hear some varying thoughts on that. I have this gut feeling that no one is simply born being this sad, that nature does not work this way and that it must be something environmental.

  • Beth

    February 26th, 2019 at 12:52 PM

    I have suffered depression, PTSD, anxiety and fibromyalgia. I believe I had no problem with dealing with life’s issues. But then years after traumatic events, over and over, I was chipping away my emotional state. The one time I felt overly happy, content, all hell broke lose and I had a mental breakdown. I overdosed on pain pills. I just couldn’t take anymore. I wanted to sleep. I survived, fortunately. But the new emotional pains are unbearable. I’m not feeling sorry for myself. I just want to be myself again.

  • The GoodTherapy.org Team

    February 26th, 2019 at 1:19 PM

    Dear Beth,

    If you would like to consult with a mental health professional, you can start finding therapists in your area by entering your city or ZIP code into the search field on this page: https://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html.

    Once you enter your information, you’ll be directed to a list of therapists and counselors who meet your criteria. You may click to view our members’ full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information. If you need help finding a therapist, you are welcome to call us. We are in the office Monday through Friday from 8:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. Pacific Time, and our phone number is 888-563-2112.

    Kind regards,
    The GoodTherapy Team

  • julian m

    May 10th, 2011 at 8:15 PM

    if there is any problem there are solutions too…whether the problem is physical,mental or of whatever kind there are solutions,there is help…endin your life is not a solution…!

  • Roxanne

    August 27th, 2018 at 3:15 AM

    If you keep trying to find solutions over a few decades only to keep losing at every turn when once upon a time your had it all, the emotional pain is unbearable. There are no windows at all. Life becomes hopeless and it becomes impossible to find a purpose. Over time I have lost EVERYTHING that was worth losing and it’s a long and sad story. I truly don’t believe my loss would be a life defining issue for anyone, long-term. In my case I love life and nature but cannot keep taking the emotional hits. It’s too overwhelmingly painful. Nobody really cares. Nobody even wants to listen. Not children or friends. And who wants to burden them anyway. I have been talking with a lovely social worker for about eight years now . She has seen me struggle womwin but still my life keeps going downhill and I am embarrassed. So I put on a pretend happy attitude even when I see her. I guess there are some people who are not chemically imballances, they are simply devastatingly hurt over many years and it is just too painful. Just too darn painful. And you don’t want to be inoain anymore. The sun will come up in the morning no matter how bad I feel and the world will keep,on turning and my life will continue to go down to rat droppings as I lose the very last remaining important things in my lif which are in an expensive storage unit. My baby grand for just one and pretty much my entire life. I guess my pictures and children’s baby books I spent so much time, loving filling out along with everything I had, tones of videos and china and wedding gift from my deceased father, antiques furniture and organ and family photos etc will go the way of storage wars. I was on a perfect and right track until about 18 years ago when I decided to change trains, leaving behind my wonderful but passionless marriage train for a fantasy passion train. The road less travelled by did not make all the good difference with a franchise I decided to purchase. I wanted to prove to my ex I could do it. Well, it was a massacre. I lost everything, just EVERYTHING. I had already lost my beloved husband who went on to marry his highschool prom date. She had been married TWICE before and neeeded my husband now. But I lost my children and my home, my money, my grandmother and my life. The passion train dude who always yelling I my face found some woman on a dating site and got her pregnant. She has five childfen with four different men. Classy! And now he is one of them. He always told me to get divorced and how he “could not take care of me cause I was “taking care” from someone else. My ex. My hope was always toreunite. But passion train would not leave me alone and told me to get a divorce. I did. Stupid me. He was always jealous of what I had. Well now he can be happy that he has it all and I have nothing. That train never going anywhere but I was stupid. I believed. I don’t believe anything anymore. My ex’s second wife is always posting about her grind life with her “blended family” and I earn under the poverty line. I stashed home to,raise my beloved children. I did it alone. Ex’s dad has lots of money so I could do it. But I lost my earning ability. My settlement was not big because father had money. Not my ex. Bit he always finds it just doesn’t show on I come tax. So miss new wife on third husband is in heaven,with everything she could possibly want. She doesn’t care about the passion. She just wants the security. And my only family, my cherished family is all broken into a million pieces – as am I.
    “All the king’s horses and all the king’s men, couldn’t put Humpty together again”. And so I am in hell. All people must die. So why not just make it on your terms? The anguish and embarrassment will stop.
    It has done for many including as of late, designer Kate Spade.
    Does it take courage or stupidity to end your life?
    If they’re is no more glue or tape that can hold your sorry excuse of a life together any longer, why not just go to where most everyone who ever loved you is? Maybe there you will find peace.

  • The GoodTherapy.org Team

    August 27th, 2018 at 8:10 AM

    Hi Roxanne. Thank you for sharing your comment. If you would like to consult with a mental health professional, please feel free to return to our homepage, http://www.goodtherapy.org/, and enter your zip code into the search field to find therapists in your area. If you’re looking for a counselor that practices a specific type of therapy, or who deals with specific concerns, you can make an advanced search by clicking here: http://www.goodtherapy.org/advanced-search.html

    Once you enter your information, you’ll be directed to a list of therapists and counselors who meet your criteria. From this list you can click to view our members’ full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information. Alternatively, you are welcome to call us for assistance finding a therapist. We are in the office Monday through Friday from 8 a.m. to 4 p.m. Pacific Time; our phone number is 888-563-2112 ext. 1.

    If you are experiencing a life-threatening emergency, in danger of hurting yourself or others, feeling suicidal, overwhelmed, or in crisis, it’s very important that you get immediate help! Information about what to do in a crisis is available here: http://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html

  • Dionne

    May 14th, 2011 at 4:24 PM

    I don’t believe that depression passes with time. I think it’s more like a weed. If you don’t do something about it and make sure you kill it for good, it won’t ever truly go away.

  • Debby

    October 10th, 2019 at 6:26 PM

    Thing is, there’s no such thing as killing depression. It’s a state of mind, that WILL reemerge during your lifetime, treated or not. Knowing this won’t be a popular post …….yes life is important, yes we should all embrace life. Life is a cycle, and death is part of it. I don’t think anyone should get involved in someone else’s life. It’s not our place to do so. We shouldn’t take decisions for others (yes, that’s what WE do, because WE think it’s the right thing to do). Example: If all suicidals came forth for any other reason than suicide, 95% of them would not get the help they need/want!
    You can only go on with your life, and let others do the same as they see fit. Though we, as a society, blind ourselves with empathy, pity or whatever clears our conscious , what we are really doing is judging someone who’s looking for the exact opposite! Cold fact, 7,800,000 deaths world wide in 2016. 1.6% (124,800) are related to suicide. Here in Canada, roughly 4,000 deaths.Investments (2019) against suicide, 75 million$! 500,000 died of influenza (common cold),230 000 died from an overdose, famine killed 3 000 000 people, accidents/traffic 1 200 000…etc. Do you see the hypocrisy? If you don’t, stand outside the box and you’ll realize that we are trying to eradicate something that will always be there, we are not Gods . Plus, we are spending hundreds of millions of dollars to save 124,800 who made a choice. As others die from a common cold and starvation that we COULD save, choose not to. THEY didn’t have a choice.
    P”S” I don’t encourage suicide and value life. I respect other peoples choices, as we all should.

  • Trina

    May 14th, 2011 at 10:20 PM

    @Dionne–it’s reminiscent of a cancer isn’t it. It just gets worse without sustained treatment. You can live with it sometimes, but if you get help you’ll have a much better quality of life. Bless them all.

  • Douglas

    May 14th, 2011 at 11:15 PM

    It’s sad that even with treatment, depression can reach a level where it completely dominates all forms of medicine and refuses to be subdued by meds. I think depression sufferers that are in that category would be more prone to contemplating suicide than most.

  • Christopher

    May 15th, 2011 at 4:47 PM

    @Douglas. That’s not sad, that’s scary. Even scarier is that it can happen to any one of us and we can’t do a thing to stop it. You would think millions of years of evolution would allow us to handle the bad things that inevitably happen in life and not succumb.

  • Cynthia Lubow, MFT

    May 16th, 2011 at 12:24 AM

    As with most ways of being, I believe depression is a combination of genetics and environment. Terrible things happen to some people who seem to be born with resilience, and they are able to handle these strikes completely differently than other people can, and not get depressed, or not feel suicidal. Sometimes that can be due to what positive influences they had when they were children, but other times it is just what they were born with. Other people have loving parenting and nothing terrible happens and yet still feel life as unbearably painful–sometimes for no reason that is apparent to them or anyone else. We are all fascinatingly different mixes of human traits, and everyone’s individual experience has to be understood and respected as their unique version of being human.

  • Pyre

    June 17th, 2011 at 1:41 AM

    My name is Pyre and I’m 14 years old.

    I overdosed on sleeping pills (took about 50 pills in all). For a minute or two I was fine and then I began to feel sort of shaky–a little wobbly. Then I experienced the most wonderful feeling and I saw blackness edging into my vision. I was slipping away when (I don’t know why) I asked my mom, “Mom, if somebody took a lot of sleeping pills would they die?” Dazedly, I dimly realized that my words were slurred and came out unusually slow. My mom’s eyes widened in shock and then she lit out of her chair and began beating me around my head and face shouting, “Why do you want to die, huh? Why did you take the pills?” Those were the last words I heard before I became unconscious.

    In the same day, I woke up in the hospital. I was groggy and kept slipping in and out of focus. Only later did I remember what my mother did to me when I was clearly dying. If I had been taken to the hospital even five minutes later I would have died. My mother knew that and yet she beat the hell out of me.

    My parents took me home afterwards (on the same day in the evening). I was still groggy and kept passing out. When my dad and I got home my mother was waiting for me. When she saw me, she beat me again but I didn’t feel anything because I was slowly slipping back into my blissful unconscious state.

    The next morning I woke up. The first thing I registered was that I was fully conscious–and extremely angry. I swore that this time I’d make sure I would definitely die. I went downstairs and made a beeline for the medicine cabinet. I grabbed the first packet of pills my fingers touched, poured myself a glass of water and downed all the pills (around 20 or so pills). Later, my sister told me I took my dog’s pain reliever medicine. My dad was out at the time but as soon as he came home my sister alerted him. He became angry and told me, “Ok! Fine! You want to die, just go die! I’m sick and tired of you!”

    I went to my room, lay down on my bed and fell asleep. I woke a few hours later, still tired. Oh, well. I’ll do better next time–but not overdoses. Next time, I’ll jump off a building and hope that I won’t land on anybody.

  • Concern for Pyre

    June 17th, 2011 at 11:29 AM

    Hi Pyre,
    It is very brave of your to express your pain with others. From your writing, it is clear you experience living in an environment where you are frequently hurt, experience abusive behavior from your parents, and you may feel unloved to the point of wanting to end your life. It must be incredibly difficult and painful to feel your life is undervalued in your own family and home. Though you may feel stuck in your abusive home environment, do know it is not permanent, and there will be people in your life that love you fully, value every part of you, and want to see you happy.

    Pyre, your life will be one worth living if you get some help. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255 and I strongly encourage you to reach out and talk to someone who can work with you to see how precious your life is and help you make changes to create a supportive environment for you. You are deserving of being loved and loving others, and asking for help is the first step. I strongly recommend that you call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at the number above OR go to your local emergency room as soon as possible.

  • Mincy

    October 8th, 2012 at 2:34 PM

    I wonder if Pyre will come back to read responses. I’ve lived this pain my whole life. I’m over 40 now. I used to overdose similar to Pyre’s situation, but for me it was in my 20’s – after I was out of the hell-hole of house.

    I found this site because I’m searching on how physical pain is treated that is a result of emotional trauma. My life went from abuse of all sorts to depression, PTSD, and chronic physical pain. It seems evident now that the physical pain is a result of the trauma.

    Sometimes, I reflect on why I eventually stopped the suicide attempts. Even now, though, I would rather be dead than alive. There are 2 people who I believe would feel that they failed if I commit suicide. I try to think of ways to make it seem like an accident so I can put an end to this.

    My doctor tries to convince me I have gifts to offer and would feel less despair if I was productive in some way helping others. Today, though, I haven’t been able to get dressed and pretty much lying down the whole time because of the back pain.

    Okay, here’s some things that have made me less miserable than in my 20’s: years of therapy have given me more skills to cope with day-to-day difficulties (like memories of the past, dealing with difficult people, problem solving in general) so I have fewer times when I can’t see past the issue I’m facing at the moment.

    Also, I’ve come to believe that my behaviors and thoughts are due to illness. Feeling like you want to suicide or all kinds of ways I haven’t been functional are a result of what happened and of the resulting illnesses, including depression. Knowing that doesn’t make the pain go away for me, but it does make it clear that I’m not being a drama queen or cry-baby or any of the negative labels people have for someone who struggles to the point that it affects their ability to live every day.

    It bothers me when people try to compare anything to major depression. Yes, life has all kinds of struggles, but when you don’t have support, coping skills, but DO have unrelenting negative thoughts and feelings, wanting to end it is a natural part of it. If no one has made you feel valuable and you can’t see the light of day, it’s a whole different experience of life. I came out of the depression once for a month. I saw colors, notice nature, … I just *felt* like doing things. I didn’t struggle to get out of bed, I just moved from one thing to another with an ease I had never imagined. I tried hard to memorize what that was like. (it was when I started a medicine — later use of it was not effective).

    So, for Pyre, there are people waiting to help you and maybe the awfulness will lift for you. There are many people like me only semi- responding to treatment, too, though. And for us, we still face the choice. That part about not wanting to land on anybody is actually a big part of forging ahead. When someone is found dead, it’s like they have landed on people including whoever finds you, and maybe someone you can’t even think of most of the time who would be crushed (no pun intended). If you have a tendency not to want to hurt others, that shows that you are worthy of good things. If you can wait until help arrives, try to see how that goes. I guess I usually resign myself to carrying on – as miserable as I usually am – because no one is promised a good time in life and I still hope to get better, to be loved and all that.

  • tash

    October 24th, 2014 at 4:14 AM

    Mincy i am the same. major depression sufferer and i am forty now. i do not look forward to another twenty years of this. There isnt really anything to make me this way. i seem to have been born like it.

    i have some mood changes, also diagnosed with dysthmia, and like your month of reprieve – i too have felt the way normal poeple do for a a few days here and there where burhsing teeth, dressing, getting groceries is all done with such ease , it feels miraculous. i am so jealous of those who do not have this. medication does not take it away and ive been in therapy for twenty years.

    i feel im waiting to die as i cannot even be bothered to try suicide anymore. just have no energy. unrelenting inner pain is very hard to live with decade in and decade out.

  • katt

    April 2nd, 2016 at 12:53 PM

    Ive attempted suicide twice, seriously. As in two times in my life i have wanted to die, just to be dead, and taken actions to make this happen. Once when i was 17 in a mental unit. I escaped out the door after asking to go buy a snack from the vending machine. It wasnt a locked door.. it was a pull and i was out. I attempted to run infront of a moving car but by the time id made it to the road 6 SIX nurses were on me pulling me back.
    When i was 19 , .. last summer
    I got very drunk on spirits very fast. I basically just legged it and dove in front of a car.
    I woke up in resus after being aware of lying on the floor but unable to move and drifting in and out in the ambulance.
    I was perfectly fine when i woke up. Not a single broken bone or split in my skin.
    Now im 20 and i just think to myself, i must be here for a reason
    god knows what reason but i guess despite all my pain and having bpd.. im willing to stay and find out.

  • worthless

    July 1st, 2016 at 3:58 PM

    I feel very similar to many of you. Abusive/neglectful upbringing, completely devalued. In my 40’s now. Also born with chemical imbalance which has magnified the effects of abuse. I let people use me, I have no friends. Now I am getting physical pain in my hip and back from years of exercising and getting old. I want out so badly

  • The GoodTherapy.org Team

    July 1st, 2016 at 4:48 PM


    Thank you for your comment. The GoodTherapy.org team is not qualified to offer professional advice, but we urge you to reach out. If you feel you may be in danger of harming yourself or others, please contact local law enforcement or visit your nearest emergency room immediately. You can find additional crisis resources on this page: https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html

    We are very sorry to hear of what you are experiencing. Please know you can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 (TTY: 1-800-799-4TTY), at any time, day or night. You can also access online crisis support here: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

    If you would like to find a therapist or counselor in your area, you can search for one using our website: https://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html

    Please know you are not alone. Help is available, and we encourage you to reach out.

    Kind regards,
    The GoodTherapy.org Team

  • St

    July 18th, 2016 at 8:29 PM

    Its when you put your all into a life and devote yourself full. You love unconditionally opening yourself completely then find that all you believed in was a lie. You were chested on and hurt over and over and your partner talks about wanting you dead and all you feel is absolutely gutted. It can subside for moments but doesn’t go away. EvEnjoy when you think you can feel better that person reaches inside of you and rips you to shreds. You know you should leave but you can’t stand the thought of being without them either and you’ve lost everyone around because of them. Then you get sick, terminally sick and you just want to be held but the waiting at a hospital window is endless, the pain inside is killing you, you want to escape. Because even in your sleep you feel it, waking with migraines and wet face from tears. There’s never any escape. Then you think you might get stronger so you say to yourself, screw this, and that’s when physically you’re feeling weaker and your health grabs you and pulls you back down so you want those arms around you again, but they’re never there. Then they come and it’s only to yell at you, to hurt you more, to tell you about everything else that matters but you. You try to get stronger again and be mad because that’s better than pain but it doesn’t last long. So you plan and you try to do that responsible thing. You’re sorry for those that will hurt, truly sorry, but you just can’t take it anymore and when there’s nothing left to plan it’s each second you still try to push through but it’s like you’ve tied an anchor around your throat and dug it into a tall tree but two attached to your feet, you’re being pulled apart, shredded, gutted with every millisecond and you can’t find any reasons why anymore only all the pain to say why not. You breathe and try to think back to happy times. It gets silent in your head for a little bit as you’re searching but then you remember all that’s so far away and most of those people are gone. Then you think about being alone and the one you love so much leaving you alone and hurting you and thinking you’ll never physically get better and the migraine takes over and you cry but it doesn’t matter cause there’s never going to be someone there to dry your tears. And you just want to stop.

  • The GoodTherapy.org Team

    July 19th, 2016 at 11:34 AM

    Hi St,
    We read your comment and wanted to reach out to give you some resources that may be of help if you are ever in danger of hurting yourself or someone else. First, if you are experiencing a life-threatening emergency, feeling suicidal, overwhelmed, or in crisis, it’s very important that you get immediate help! You can do one of the following immediately:

    Call your local law enforcement agency (911).
    Go to the nearest hospital emergency room.
    Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 (TTY: 1-800-799-4TTY).

    You can also search GoodTherapy.org for a therapist in your area, here: https://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html

    Please know there are people who care, and help is available! We appreciate your comment and are sending our best wishes for your healing. ♥

    Kind regards,
    The GoodTherapy.org Team

  • Wendi

    April 8th, 2017 at 10:10 PM

    Don’t ever call law and enforcement, ambulances, or hospitals–they’ll lock you up for the rest of your life. Then you will wish you were dead.

  • Wendi

    April 8th, 2017 at 10:12 PM

    My former psychiatrist told me if I ever attempted suicide, she’d have me locked up. Ever see the movie ‘Girl, Interrupted?’

  • Bruce C.

    July 6th, 2017 at 9:06 PM

    there are others like me who have been abused by the ones that raised us I am one of those my first memory of my dad was when i broke my arm he beat me kicking holding me by my hair why? I was little afraid had such a shock on me. mental along all the way your retarded stupid dummy always afraid of him. beatings he somewhat raised me like a horse. he broke my spirit and now I have physical pain the mental pain. I do have children and grandchildren and I stay away and feel guilty. now i am 54 and have been in prison 2 times i am a klepto steel things. addict trying to kill the pain of me. been on all different meds I seem to just get by when i take them no progress no emotions. have no desire to shop do just the simple things takes lots of strength. i am tired. sleep 12 to16 hours a day. iam tired.

  • JC

    October 22nd, 2017 at 9:58 PM

    I can relate the last couple of comments. I’ve tried just about everything from hospitals, police calling an ambulance, googled for years just hoping I can read something to make me feel worth living. I would rather be dead every day and get suicidal at times. I’m down now to the one thing that’s keeping me from suicide and that it would cause my parents a lot of pain. They’ve done everything they can or know to do. I made a promise to my mom that I would not kill myself as long as my dad and her are alive. I’m out of options after that. Hoping a miracle pill would be found. I’m on max dosage for 2 antidepressants, antipsycotic, and anxiety pills. I take all of that to just “be”.

  • MLT

    August 29th, 2018 at 12:23 PM

    I am told I suffer from PTSD, depression, anxienty, bipolar 2, eating disorder, drug and alcohol abuse. At 17 days old I was sold for $200 to a rich sadistic pedophile and his mentally ill wife who never wanted anything to do with me (she always told me). I was being physically abused before I could walk, sadistically emotionally and physically tortured. I was shamed for eating, toileting, being naked- everything. By age five I was regularly being raped by the husband and his friend and there are some photos and maybe video. The rape lasted until I was 11 and started my period, but all the other abuse continued. I first tried to kill myself when I was 17. this was 1987. While in the hospital I was raped several times by my doctor. Predators have a keen sense of who is vulnerable so unfotunatley I am often targetd while healthy people pick up on something but they just know that I’m weird. I’m 47 now and I wish I had finished the job when I was 17 because my life is s***. If I had any idea the pain I would experience over the following 30 years I sure as hell would have done a better job. I could never establish lasting relationships or friendships and when I would try it was painful to watch them slowly pick up that something must be wrong with me. I never married or had any children. The family will not talk about it. I have no support in family or friends. Everyone’s assertions that “things get better” is bulls***. I can tell you that for me it’s only continued to get worse. I am ostracized from family and friends particularly since I’m single and have no children. WHY DO I HAVE TO STAY HERE?

  • The GoodTherapy.org Team

    August 29th, 2018 at 12:48 PM

    Thank you for your comment and for visiting GoodTherapy. If you would like to consult with a mental health professional, please feel free to return to our homepage, http://www.goodtherapy.org/, and enter your zip code into the search field to find therapists in your area. If you’re looking for a counselor that practices a specific type of therapy, or who deals with specific concerns, you can make an advanced search by clicking here: http://www.goodtherapy.org/advanced-search.html

    Once you enter your information, you’ll be directed to a list of therapists and counselors who meet your criteria. From this list you can click to view our members’ full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information. Alternatively, you are welcome to call us for assistance finding a therapist. We are in the office Monday through Friday from 8 a.m. to 4 p.m. Pacific Time; our phone number is 888-563-2112 ext. 1.

    If you are experiencing a life-threatening emergency, in danger of hurting yourself or others, feeling suicidal, overwhelmed, or in crisis, it’s very important that you get immediate help! Information about what to do in a crisis is available here: http://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html

  • Alex

    September 15th, 2018 at 4:59 AM

    I had wanted to commit suicide. I felt like my life was up. I felt like getting a gun and shooting myself in the head to end my life. I felt like it was the best thing to do. I felt like I could end all my problems by killing myself. But I decided not to. I just realized other methods of treatment were better

  • Rick

    June 16th, 2022 at 7:44 PM

    I don’t want to live like this anymore. I made all kinds of bad decisions in my life and now I am alone and in pain, regretting the stupid choices I made. I have pain in my mouth all the time. Dentists kept taking out my teeth instead of trying to save them. Tried dentures, they hurt. Had implants put in, cost me all the money in the world, and they got them wrong. Couldn’t bite or chew. They ran me around for months and months, then kicked me out because they realized how much it would cost them to fix their errors. Another dentist told me he could fix it. Took thousands of $ from me and totally destroyed my mouth. I am scared, can’t eat, alone. I make it to work but the rest of my life is spent crying and trying to get someone to help me. I should have made better decisions in my life, but I just covered my fear and anxiety with alcohol and partying. Now it’s too late. I can’t get these implants out because it’s too complicated. I can’t afford to get them fixed because it’s too expensive. No one calls or comes by to see if I’m doing okay. I have been in panic mode for two straight years. Therapist tells me she wants to see how this resolves. Like I’m a tv show. I pray the Lord take me home, but His will be done, even if I suffer another decade. I am out of strength, hope, resources. Life just sucks sometimes you know? Have had GAD and depression since grade school. This just has about finished me off. Hopeless is a bad place.

  • Oz

    December 9th, 2022 at 1:45 AM

    Everyday is a struggle for me and has been for years, but as time goes on it gets worse and worse. I tried getting help went to this place and informed the person i was tbi survivor and she immediately said If i feel threatened in anyway im call the police. So i then said well we have nothing to talk about. You have already decided im a threat. traumatic brain injury is one of the most impossible things to live with day and day out. As i said in the beginning every day is a struggle, Sometimes i really just dont know how much more of this i can take.. I had a religious person tell me something once they told me : your alone in this world but you already knew that. If im truly alone in this world and i appear to be then why bother. Every so often i reach like this, but it never really goes anywhere, what is kind of scary is that one of these days i wont reach out any more and shortly after that i wont be here.

  • Charlotte

    December 9th, 2022 at 12:55 PM

    Dear Oz, thank you for commenting on our blog. I can’t imagine how difficult things have been since your injury. I’m sorry you had that experience when you went to get help as well, but there are therapists that specialize in treating those with traumatic brain injuries. If you would like to consult with a mental health professional, you can start finding therapists in your area by entering your city or ZIP code into the search field on this page: https://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html. Once you enter your information, you’ll be directed to a list of therapists and counselors who meet your criteria. You may click to view our members’ full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information. You are welcome to call us for personal assistance in finding a therapist. We are in the office Monday through Friday from 8:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. Mountain Time, and our phone number is 888-563-2112 ext 3. Kind regards, The GoodTherapy Team

  • Thomas

    April 2nd, 2024 at 6:56 PM

    for 40 years i live in pain my body is braking down im in so much pain i cant sleep anymore im on morphine bud i cant get the amount i need to live i thing of taking my life every day the government telling doctors not to help someone like me tat has to be on a high dose of morphine for the pain to many overdose from movie stars my doctor is going to take the meds from me so now wot to do this will take me over the top to taking my life 40 years i thit everyting enybody told me to do for the pain but its not working so wy not give the meds tat help i told my mam ad 80years she is loosing one more kid my brooder has taken his life 6 years ago my mam told me its ok wen i take my live she will too nobody to help her im the only one so because of doctors 2 more life’s r lost were will it stop for government and doctors to kill pepo im not depressed im only pist off tat life is not worth anything to doctors my hole family dont care if i take my life dont have frends or anyone tat gives a crap so i go day by day till the meds r gone and tan i will take out my gun this will go fast my life bin hell from the day 1 till now ad 11 was the first time i tried to hang my self all i got was torcher from my family ant ad is still the same so noone will miss me anyway so many things to say but im in to much pain to do this good luck witt all of you and make it work if you can

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