My Therapist Cries during Our Sessions; Is This Normal?
Dear Tears for Fears,
I appreciate your comment about therapists who cry, and I understand that it makes you uncomfortable. From the outside, I can’t know the exact cause of your therapist’s tears, but there are several possibilities.
Had your therapist been sobbing uncontrollably, the issues you shared may well have triggered something personal within her—a sign that she could benefit from doing her own therapy and is probably not fit to help you. Most experienced therapists who have done their own therapy have become comfortable with painful places most would rather avoid and, as a result, are well equipped to embody a state of compassion and to not feel overwhelmed or triggered by the issues they treat. These therapists are particularly adept at guiding people through the therapeutic process. But therapists who haven’t addressed certain personal wounds or issues in their own therapy are usually limited in helping people with similar wounds or issues.
That said, tears are more often a sign of empathy—a normal, healthy, and sincere human process of relating emotionally to the experience of another. Receiving empathy can help us feel safe and understood, strengthening the bond of trust between therapist and person in therapy. Sometimes one of the explicit goals of therapy is for people to become comfortable with vulnerable feelings. And often, a therapist transparently displaying empathy for a person helps that person foster self-compassion. I say “often” because for some, and perhaps for you, the experience instead feels uncomfortable. So, therapists cry when a person’s experiences reflect their own.
One thing is clear: your therapist’s emotions make you feel uncomfortable. So before stopping therapy, perhaps you can take this opportunity to explore why you feel this way. Are you uncomfortable with vulnerability? Is it difficult for you to receive empathy? Do you expect therapists to be superhuman and detached? Could this be an excuse to avoid therapy because it’s difficult to explore your wounds?
I highly encourage you to talk with your therapist about how her crying made you uncomfortable. Finding a therapist who is less triggering may feel easier, but it could be less productive if it avoids a deeper issue. Of course, if your therapist starts crying when you tell her this, then yeah, don’t feel bad about finding another.
Kind regards,
Noah
Noah Rubinstein
- 12 comments
- Leave a Comment
Evander H
July 2nd, 2012 at 6:17 PMI had a therapist one time that had a similar issue. It really worked out to be an empathy issue. He and yes I said he was breaking down on my issues with my father. He had conquered similar problems earlier in life and was very very empathetic with my situation. We conquered this much as any couple would conquer the issue by talking about it and working through the problems. I would say talk to your therapist about the issue when your not in the situation.
Jill S
November 5th, 2012 at 5:59 PMI wonder if what a therapist did to me was right. I had been seeing her for over 3 years. She was told by me that I had DID. She allowed email contact sometimes multiple times a day, she called me without me calling her first, and made special exceptions to therapy. She said this was all due to the fact that she thought this is what I needed. I confessed recently that I don’t have DID and that my problems were borderline personality. She cried and said, “that really hurt”.
I want to add that I believe that my progress has had a down slide after all I have been through with this t. Can anyone tell me if her crying was appropriate or any of the other things I mentioned was?MADDIEB
October 9th, 2019 at 6:22 AMHow did YOU end up diagnosing yourself and then correcting the diagnosis? What I mean here is… How is it that you get into a situation with a therapist where they simply take what you say at face value? In my opinion, what is odd is that throughout your communications, she never once identified red flags in your behavior, or generally hints as to you not having DID. If the case is that you were faking DID, and manipulating her this whole time, then its sad to say but that is her job, and she shouldn’t be so easily manipulated, as she will face many like you in her career. She should not have let her guards down and become attached, but it seems she has.
Leave a Comment
By commenting you acknowledge acceptance of GoodTherapy.org's Terms and Conditions of Use.
