With Loving Eyes: Fostering Your Child’s Positive Body Image

When I was a child, I believed my mom was the most beautiful person in the world. She was just as comfortable wearing lipstick and mascara as she was without makeup at all. My memories are of her laughing and smiling. We have a home movie of her playing basketball with my older sisters. She let me use her bathrobe on my snowman.

She had her moments when she’d lose her cool, of course. But to me, she was as close to perfect as a mother could get.

It wasn’t until I was older that I noticed how concerned she was with her weight, and how she would compare herself to others. “Am I as large as that woman?” she’d ask, pointing to a stranger at the grocery store. I hurt for her in those moments. I had never even thought of her as overweight; she was my mom and I loved her dearly.

Even as adults, many of us are intensely focused on what others think about our bodies. Maybe you imagine that everyone who sees you is silently criticizing your muffin top or the shape of your thighs. Maybe, like my mom, you compare yourself to others, judging who is bigger than you and who is smaller. Perhaps you constantly think of your shape and size and chastise yourself for eating that cookie at lunch or skipping a day at the gym.

The thing is, I’m pretty certain what you focus on is a far cry from what others are noticing. The people who matter in your life recognize so many other things in you. To them, you’re a friend, a coworker, a fellow PTA mom.

Children in particular don’t focus on how much someone weighs or what size pants he or she wears. What is important to them it is how you interact, how you play, and how you take care of them. When you hug them, they’re not noticing your squishy belly; they’re feeling loved.

It is easy to get caught up in our body image. So many minutes of the day are wasted when we focus on our size, weight, or other physical attributes. Our mood depends on the number on the scale or if we fit into a certain pair of jeans. We can become depressed and anxious and preoccupied. All the while, we’re missing out on life.

I became aware of how self-conscious my mother was about her size when I reached my teens. Like many women, she never wore a swimsuit. She drank Slim-Fast and Tab diet soda. But she also played tennis and hiked with us. She watched us put on plays and bought us peanuts to feed Fluffy the squirrel. She read us bedtime stories and stayed with us when we were sick. When I think of my mom, those are the times that stick out in my mind. My mom was many things to me: smart, funny, warm, kind. Her weight didn’t matter one bit. It still doesn’t.

It is easy to get caught up in our body image. So many minutes of the day are wasted when we focus on our size, weight, or other physical attributes. Our mood depends on the number on the scale or if we fit into a certain pair of jeans. We can become depressed and anxious and preoccupied. All the while, we’re missing out on life.

There is a great deal of focus on positive body image lately. There’s a wonderful movement toward using bigger-sized models; some stores are using more average-sized or even plus-sized mannequins. It’s very possible that the next generation of children will grow up in a culture that’s less obsessed with body size than we are.

Like so many things, though, feeling good about one’s body, no matter the size, begins in early childhood. Parents have much influence over how their children feel about their bodies. There are several things that you can do to help your children love their bodies.

1. Don’t use the word “diet.” Instead, talk about eating healthier.
2. Speak positively about your own body. Tell your kids how your legs are getting stronger and they help you run or how you exercise because you want your body to be healthier.
3. Do not talk about your kids’ size or weight. Don’t mention that it looks like they’re gaining weight or looking a bit pudgy. Don’t tell them they can’t have dessert because they’re getting too big. Instead, talk about how their bodies allow them to jump high and kick a ball, how it’s important to give our bodies good food to help us be stronger and grow.
4. If you’re struggling with your weight, do not involve your children. Talk about your struggles with a friend or partner where your kids cannot hear.
5. Expose your kids to stories and pictures of strong women and men, regardless of their size.
6. Point out your kids’ many strengths that have nothing to do with looking cute or being pretty.

As parents, we have the responsibility to both model and teach our children how to have a positive body image, and it needs to begin when they’re young. It requires us to monitor our own sense of ourselves and deal with our insecurities, which can be uncomfortable. But the commitment to gaining a more positive sense of self can also be healing and empowering. It’s a gift to the next generation.

© Copyright 2015 GoodTherapy.org. All rights reserved. Permission to publish granted by Jenise Harmon, LISW-S, Depression Topic Expert Contributor

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