It sounds like this young girl might be stalking you. Follow your instincts here—as you say, this is a very difficult situation, and you were right to let your wife and the other camp counselors know about it. Staying away from this young lady, as you are doing, is the best course of action, but I would consider consulting an attorney as well, since the girl is a minor.

You think things are escalating and are worried about her mental health, and you would probably like to help her, just from a humanitarian standpoint. I don’t know the legalities in your state, but since you were her camp counselor, you may also be mandated to report her behavior and your fears about her mental health to her parents. I would check on this with my legal adviser and ask for any further advice, including about your Facebook account, which you might consider closing for a time. It is important not to contact her yourself, directly, as any contact may make things worse. If there is any communication at all between you, the young lady, and her parents, it should be mediated by an attorney.

Recently a memoir about a similar but much worse situation was published—Give Me Everything You Have: On Being Stalked, by James Lasdun. It’s a scary book, and I would not take it to heart as applying to yourself, but you might profit from reading about Mr. Lasdun’s experiences. Stalkers have a love-hate relationship with their victims, whom they see as ideal partners, and who they often believe are in love with them, but there is no real relationship and they in fact torture themselves and their victims with their fantasies and inappropriate behaviors.

Some people hope that, with time, the situation will just fade away and the person doing the stalking will find some other interest, but a decline in interest is not something you can rely on. Better safe than sorry—again, see an attorney.

I have no desire to alarm you any more than you are already. I agree that this situation needs to be brought to a healthy conclusion as swiftly, compassionately, and mindfully as possible.

Thank you very much for writing to Dear GoodTherapy.org for help. I wish for a speedy and positive end to this problem.

Best wishes,
Lynn

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, or a time to begin to understand the effects of domestic violence, which have been researched extensively. Domestic violence is a social problem, affecting each member of a family—including kids, even when they are not the ones directly experiencing violence or aggression. Parents under stress can create children under stress. For children, witnessing domestic violence can lead to the development of many negative behavioral traits or mental health issues. Exposure alone can be traumatic.

Children who witness violence in the home are affected in ways similar to children who experience physical abuse. These children are also at a greater risk for both internalized and externalized negative behaviors, which can manifest socially, emotionally, psychologically, and/or behaviorally. Research shows us that boys exhibit more externalizing behavior, like fighting, bullying, lying, and cheating, while girls exhibit more internalized behaviors, such as anxiety, withdrawal, and depression.

In addition to potential problem behaviors, children also may experience psychological ramifications which lead to difficulties in school and lower scores on assessments of verbal, motor, and cognitive skills. Other limitations identified are slower cognitive development, lack of conflict resolution skills, limited problem-solving skills, and even a more rigid belief in gender stereotypes and reinforcement of male privilege.

When parents are engaged in any type of dynamic of domestic violence or aggression, their children can be at an extreme disadvantage when it comes to emotional development. They may tend to show higher levels of anxiety, lower self-esteem, and increased depression and anger. Violence puts a barrier between child and parent, making it difficult for children to develop a nurturing bond with either parent, which in turn can result in extreme anxiety or worry. The children may also display extreme separation anxiety when they go to school or when the parent(s) leaves. Studies show that separation anxiety even takes a physical toll, so children may complain of ailments like stomachache or headache as reasons they cannot go to school.

Exposure to domestic violence can create in the witness a sense of shame, guilt, and self-blame, conflicting feelings about a parent, fear of abandonment, symptoms of depression, and feelings of helplessness and powerlessness. With an increase in stress levels in the home, children can begin bedwetting again, lie to avoid confrontation, and have difficulty trusting others, especially adults. Stress is known to put any immune system in jeopardy—and children are no different. Stress and violence in the home can indirectly result in a short attention span, increased somatic complaints, and frequent illness.

Many children, as a result of exposure to domestic violence, become very secretive about their families and often do not invite friends to the home. They may begin to isolate and detach from the support that they could receive from those around them. Occasionally these behaviors are also linked to developmental delays and difficulty with emotional regulation, so that children feel shame, fear, confusion, and rage, often uncontrollable.

As these children age, it has been found that they also have higher levels of adult depression and trauma symptoms. Their reaction may be to internalize these symptoms, or they may cope with their stress by utilizing drugs or alcohol, fighting rules, ditching school, or running away. When child witnesses to domestic violence start dating, their relationships could have similar negative dynamics to ones their parents or guardians demonstrated. The risk of ending up in a controlling relationship or developing control issues is higher for these individuals.

It is important to note that not all children exposed to domestic violence will experience deficits or cope poorly. Some children demonstrate enormous resiliency and find ways to manage the tension in their homes. They might develop games or withdraw in order to manage the tension. Often they internalize the conflict and it resurfaces much later in life. In my practice, I see children who are high achievers with extreme expectations of themselves, who also have many outside interests, like sports or music. Outside interests and activities keep them out of the home most of the time, and these children tell me that this limits the amount of time that they don’t feel safe and gives them some sense of control in life.

The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) has created a website to help individuals who are in relationships plagued by domestic violence or provide people with resources to help family members and friends who are in abusive relationships.

References:

1. Brown, B.V., and Bzostek, S. (2003) Violence in the lives of children. CrossCurrents, 1, Child Trends DataBank
2. Edelson, J.L. (2006). Emerging Responses to Children Exposed to Domestic Violence. Harrisburg, PA: VAWnet, a project of the National Resource Center on Domestic Violence/Pennslyvania Coalition Against Domestic Violence. Retrieved 0ct 3, 2013 from michbar.org/publicpolicy/pdfs/Legislators_ResponsesDV.pdf

“You’re so selfish!” I hear this phrase too frequently when working with people who have trouble with separation and individuation. When children hear from their parents that they are selfish, it is typically understood as, “You are thinking about yourself when you should be thinking about me.”

In my psychotherapy practice, I meet many adults who grew up having internalized the experience that they are selfish if they choose their own needs and desires over those of their loved ones. Many continue to deny their own wants in favor of what they believe is best for their parents. Some have transferred their worries to include other relationships and, in the extreme, may avoid feelings of selfishness by providing for everyone else’s needs rather than their own. In most cases, people who believe they are selfish believe they are bad people. This guilt interferes with the ability to develop into separate individuals who know what they want and are comfortable getting it.

The power of guilty feelings about selfishness makes it very difficult to consider that selfishness is not by definition a bad thing. Selfish implies exclusive or excessive interest in oneself. It is unfortunate that parents who use “selfish” in an accusing way tend to use the term if the child’s focus on self in any way (not exclusively or excessively) conflicts with the parent’s needs.

I am going to briefly describe two people with whom I have worked who were severely limited by their inability to individuate because of their guilt over perceived selfishness. In our work, an important goal has been to understand selfishness as exclusive or excessive and to feel emotionally entitled to prioritize one’s own needs some of the time.

“Kate” felt trapped. She came into our session looking very agitated. “I can’t take it anymore,” she said. “I told Alan and the kids I had to visit my dad on Thursday night to help him make decisions about selling his apartment. I promised I’d come for dinner. My daughter Kim has a soccer game, and Alan is mad that I’m choosing my dad. He says I neglect our family. No matter what I do, I feel so selfish. They don’t get how painful it is for me to choose my dad over them. But when my dad needs me, if I say no, I feel the most selfish. He’s so helpless and upset when I’m not there for him. I know my mom will have some ideas, but he really relies on what I think. He’ll get anxious if I don’t come and advise him about this. I tried to tell him that I needed to come on another night, but he said, ‘It has to be Thursday. I’m your father, Kate, how can you be so selfish?’ ”

I reminded Kate that she was responding to that word again: “selfish.” I asked Kate what happens to her when she thinks she is being selfish with her father. I asked, “What buttons get pushed? What is the experience of thinking that you are selfish that makes you feel so trapped and unable to say no?”

Kate responded: “I feel like such a bad person. There is so much guilt. How could I upset my father? He gets so disappointed in me. I can’t stand that I could be such a bad person. You know, when I was a kid and this kind of thing happened, he would get a little teary and walk away from me and leave the room.  I felt like I hurt him so much. In those moments I thought he would never come back. It felt like a punishment. I guess I still become that scared little kid every time he asks me for something. I have no choice but to give in to his wishes. I’m not sure I even know what my own wishes are.”

Kate had come to therapy because she was having problems in her marriage. She frequently got caught up in trying so hard to please everybody that she never seemed to express or know herself. Her husband complained that he felt like there was no one there. In our work, Kate came to realize that in early relationships with her parents, she had been so attuned to their needs and wishes that she had not developed her sense of an individual self. She was beginning to recognize that in order to protect herself from feeling like a bad person, she had unconsciously neglected the development of her own desires and feelings. This was now creating a problem in her relationship with her husband.

When childhood years do not provide the conditions for separation and individuation, the repercussions for adult relationships can be serious. In particular, anxieties about selfishness toward parents can generate intolerable feelings of shame and badness that can exert a powerful influence in adult life.

“Tess” came to therapy feeling depressed and anxious. She was 25 years old, working as a clerk in a bookstore. She felt isolated and lonely. Her main social contact was her parents. Tess looks back on her childhood with mixed feelings. On the one hand, she has fond memories of enjoying school, being close to and having fun with her friend Isabel, loving her piano lessons and practicing. At the same time, she said, “Maybe I didn’t have enough friends or should have gone to extracurricular activities in school. But I didn’t really mind. I liked being by myself, and kids were nice to me. I just didn’t talk a lot or do a lot of stuff with them.”

I asked Tess, “So what makes you seem so uncertain about whether you had a positive experience growing up?”

Tess was silent and thoughtful and then said, “I guess I thought things were pretty much OK, but my parents, especially my mom, always seemed to think I should be doing different things.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, she was always telling me I should call other kids or join a club or invite kids over. She compared me to herself and how many friends she had. She said she was worried about me since I seemed so socially awkward. Actually, I felt OK, but I had the feeling she thought there was something wrong with me. I was right. When I was about 12, I overheard her talking to my dad. Really, she was crying, not talking. She was very worried. She called me antisocial and said I was going to have real problems. The worst part of that memory is her crying something like, ‘I feel so hurt, she’s so different from me. She doesn’t seem to care about how this makes me feel.’ I was shocked! I ran up to my room and started to cry. I felt really scared. I didn’t know I could make my mom feel so terrible. I think that was the beginning of feeling it’s not OK to be me and that I was selfish not to be the daughter she wanted. But I also felt like if I was me, they would think these terrible things about me. After that, I just tried to please them, especially my mom. But I spent so much time trying to please them, I never thought about what I wanted.”

As Tess and I continued to talk, we became aware of how she was extremely reliant on her parents for feeling good about herself and for guidance. Tess was struggling with what to do with her future. She was considering graduate school in speech therapy or education. She also talked to me about her love for poetry and how maybe she would like go back to school for writing. “My parents think I’m better off with something more practical, so they suggested speech therapy or education,” she said. “I got some information about programs, but I can’t seem to get myself organized to apply. Speech therapy is my mom’s field, and it makes her so happy to think that I would be a speech therapist. I feel so good when she is happy because she approves of what I’m doing. When I think of pursuing poetry, I feel so selfish and so guilty. I know it brings up feelings in my mother of me being so introverted and awkward and makes her so miserable. I know I rely on her too much, but I hate to give up how good it makes me feel when I make her happy. It feels less scary when I go to them, maybe because then I don’t have to feel so bad and selfish if I consider what I want. … Maybe I don’t even want to be a poet.”

Both Kate and Tess were stuck in the dynamics of their early relationships with their parents. For both, the impact of their parents’ anxieties, aggression, and judgments had made it emotionally necessary to comply with demands regarding who and how they should be. Both had parents who were narcissistic and needed their child to be attuned to and accede to their wishes and desires. Not to do so was experienced as the child’s selfishness and wounding to the parents.

Hurting a parent can feel like inflicting a wound. This can make a child feel that the parent is impaired and unable to take care of the child and/or that there will be some retaliation. Terrible shame for being so “bad” and “selfish” is experienced. Kate and Tess, in order to protect themselves from these intolerable feelings and sustain a relationship of positive regard from parents, gave up knowing what they wanted and needed. In the safety of not knowing, they never fully developed their sense of self. They are unable to be clear about what they want for themselves, and rely heavily on parents for recognition and self-esteem.

But change is possible. Through their struggles, they can succeed in letting go of seeing themselves as selfish when they have a need or desire which differs from someone they love. This will allow for the emotional freedom to know what they want, think, and need. They can become their own, unique, individual selves.

I was getting my morning cup of coffee, and while waiting to pay I saw others hand their money to the clerk and leave. When I attempted to do the same, another clerk rudely stated to me that she was helping someone. So I waited in line, watching others who came in after me be served before me. As I walked back to my office, a wave of emotions ran through me. Initially I was fuming. Why should I have to wait when others didn’t? Is it because I’m black? Was she being discriminatory? I thought to myself.

This is a place that I frequent with regularity, even going out of my way to get my coffee there because the staff is usually very friendly. So I began to doubt myself. The clerk who was rude was a different clerk than the one who took the people’s money. Was she a new employee? Did she not know that she could just take my money? Or maybe she was just having a bad day? My mind was racing with questions.

There I was, vacillating between anger and doubt and confusion from a seemingly simple interaction. This swirl of emotions is par for the course when you’re a minority or part of an oppressed group. We encounter these thoughts and questions and anxieties and doubts about the meaning or intent of others’ actions on a regular basis.

This is not to say others are always being racist/sexist/heterosexist/fill-in-the-blank. On the contrary, many times they aren’t. But this process of questioning and wondering is what we go through on a daily basis. We have to feel, review, and process these little interactions all the time, and it is an incredible weight to carry.

“Samantha,” who works at a law firm, is often asked if she’s bringing a date to social functions. Initially her coworkers asked her occasionally, but now it seems like multiple people, including her boss, are hounding her every time there’s a function. She isn’t out as a lesbian at work and wonders why her colleagues keep asking her about her private life. Are they trying to find out if she’s gay? If they do find out, will she lose her job? Or do they just want to know her personally? Samantha doesn’t know, but the thoughts and questions are a constant presence for her.

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Whenever you are part of a minority that regularly interacts with the majority, there are additional layers of thought and emotional processing that occurs. There is so much unconscious and invisible energy that goes toward deciphering the intent and motives of others. And then there are our own emotions while we consider what, if any, action to take. As we consider our options, we also consider any possible consequences or retribution. If Samantha brings a female date to the next happy hour, will people treat her differently? Will work become uncomfortable and unpleasant? Will it affect her boss’ perception and perhaps review of her? All of this requires a significant amount of emotional and even physical energy that can be exhausting.

So what can you do about it? As overwhelming as this is, there are ways to move through it. The first step is to acknowledge the burdens that you carry. Acknowledge that there are times when being a woman or gay or Muslim or Latino (or part of any minority group) is challenging. Acknowledge that being part of a minority means constantly attempting to discern people and situations that are discriminating against you from those who are not. There are times when it is difficult, if not impossible, to determine, while at other times it can be crystal clear. Acknowledge that this continuous questioning in your mind exists.

The next important step is to manage and cope with these emotions and experiences. Find friends and family members to talk to. Determine who will be supportive and understanding of you and your experiences and talk with them. Writing is another excellent way to cope with your emotions. It allows you to express your emotions without holding them inside and gives you a much-needed release. Exercise is another great coping mechanism. It is a physical way to expel your anger, sadness, and frustration. Go for a run, speed walk around the block, or do push-ups in your office to release the emotions.

Letting go is the final and most important step. This is an acquired skill and something that takes practice. Acknowledging and coping with the challenges are useful in managing your day-to-day life. But the ability to let go of the pain, anger, and confusion allows to you be more joyful and not hold onto the painful experiences that may occur throughout your day. Some people use prayer or meditation to let go. Others can let go after they exercise and feel the release in their body. Talking to someone who understands and has similar experiences helps me to let go. I also find that practicing gratitude and appreciation for what is good in my life helps me to let go.

What works for you? How do you manage the thoughts, emotions, and anxieties that come from being a minority?

Why do some things spark sexual excitement for one person while those same things leave another person quite uninterested?

I frequently speak to people who are upset because they’re indulging in sexually compulsive behaviors that cause problems in their lives. (I want to emphasize these are not the same as turn-ons or fetishes that any couple might happily incorporate into love-making or sexual play. No problems there!)

Sometimes sexual feelings and behaviors become a problem because they get in the way of healthy intimacy. For example, one man secretly discovered porn on Dad’s smart phone at an early age. Now he becomes sexually aroused whenever he’s alone and picks up his smart phone. Another grew up in a rural area where he peeked into the outhouse to watch female family members urinate. Now he uses spy cams in restrooms or pays prostitutes to give “golden showers.”

Women also find themselves thinking and participating in sometimes dangerous behaviors that are sparked by early experiences that are exciting, confusing, or, more often, traumatic. For example, if a woman experiences sexual, physical, or emotional abuse as a child she may move into adulthood finding that again and again she is attracted to dangerous, high-risk sexual encounters with volatile or unavailable people.

When sex becomes a problem, it is useful to explore our arousal template, which is a mix of physiology and learning based on relational or sexual experiences. A template is a pattern or blue print of how and why individuals think or behave in habitual ways. Arousal is an automatic knee-jerk sexual reaction that is usually closely related to excitement, fear, or how we’ve been wounded.

Almost anything can become an unconscious trigger that cues us to become sexually excited or aroused. The Internet provides thousands of examples. Numerous websites feature young girls (often fully clothed) smoking cigarettes. These sites cater to men who became obsessed as adolescents with girls who smoke. Objects that are sexualized include shoes, cars, lingerie, or anything made of leather. This last example can be linked with sensation (the feel of leather against the skin) or scent.

Emotions such as rage, fear, shame, pain, loneliness, and sadness trigger some people to sexual arousal, as do physical characteristics. Most of us can relate to feeling attracted to a particular height, weight, hair color, and body shape, as in, “well, s/he is really not my type…” Or perhaps someone is, and we are “hooked”—there’s that arousal template again!

It organizes what we believe about consent, equality, respect, trust, safety, dishonesty, domination, objectification, power, and control. Arousal templates also shape what is valuable, worthwhile, thrilling, or desirable, and just as importantly, what is to be feared and avoided. It is primarily an unconscious map of how we have become wired sexually, built on preferences already determined by basic survival instincts.

Fortunately, most of us are not compelled by violent arousal templates to act out in a violent manner. Fantasy can be a delicious and enjoyable way to spice up sex with a partner or engage in self-pleasuring. Some of us, however, are overwhelmed and debilitated by the vagaries of our arousal template.

Used in conjunction with experience of different types of sexual patterns and courtship developments, the arousal template is an essential tool to help therapists gradually detail components of a client’s sexual history. Each of us possesses a unique model of sexuality, formed at least in part by incoming family messages, childhood abuse or neglect, culture, the media, and, of course, religious influences.

As we explore and better understand our childhood relational experiences and memories we get to deconstruct our arousal template with what I like to call “compassionate curiosity.” As we explore these early messages, we can recognize and gently release old patterns that no longer serve us. This is what sexual healing is all about!

Mental health issues carry such a stigma that few people wish to talk about their experiences at a psychiatric ward. I am learning involuntary commitments are rarely necessary but are frequently directed by emergency room (ER) physicians who do not know how to deal with mental health issues. I share this experience so others know what happens when someone is committed to a mental institution. My opinions are not meant to be medical advice. Talk all medical issues over with a dedicated, concerned, and compassionate health care professional.

It Began with the Itching

The hydromorphone pill I had been prescribed for pain from a hysterectomy made me itch. Five days later the dysphoria set in. Dysphoria is an emotional state, sometimes instigated by medication, often indicated by restlessness, anxiety, and depression. The next day the anger followed. Finally, suicidal ideation took up camp in my mind. All I could think about was how relieving a long swim in the ocean would be to make the thoughts go away.

My nephew had committed suicide two years before. In reading up on suicide, I had learned those who take their own lives don’t understand suicide is a long-term solution to a short-term problem. The “sane” part of my brain continually played this mantra, keeping me from moving from ideation to suicidal intent. There are numerous definitions of suicidal ideation versus suicidal intent, and these often overlap. I refer to Carmel McAuliffe: “Suicidal ideation is a low-risk, common factor among nonclinical population samples…. Ideation may only become a risk factor for attempted or completed suicide when it is comorbid with rarer risk factors such as a dichotomous thinking style and in the absence of certain protective factors such as social support.” [fat_widget_right]

I asked a neighbor for help, which was the first thing I did correctly: seek help from a trusted person when you are in distress. My primary care physician (PCP) was called. This, on the other hand, was my first mistake; my surgeon should have been called first. Your surgeon’s office should encourage people to call with questions/issues at any time. If they don’t tell you this, do it anyway. My PCP directed me to my local emergency room.

I agreed to go, as I naively thought my local hospital would be able to address my medical issues. Drug-induced dysphoria is not considered a mental illness, but at your ER, you will be committed to a psychiatric ward, either voluntarily or involuntarily, “for your safety,” even though this may not be the best option for you. It is the best option for the ER staff as they are not experts in mental health.

My husband took me to the emergency room—second thing done correctly: always bring with you an advocate who can think rationally on their feet. My medications were given to the ER nurse, which was the third thing I did right. Take your meds or a list with you to the hospital.

One-Way Transport to a Psychiatric Hospital

My husband left the room so I could be examined by the ER physician. This was mistake number six. Keep your advocate with you at all times. I was asked about suicidal ideation, but not suicidal intent. None of my pain medication was discussed, even though it was known I was post-operative. A search on Medscape.com and Epocrates.com show that suicidal ideation is a known adverse reaction of bupropion (one of my medications) and dysphoria is a known adverse reaction of hydromorphone. I have since learned it is the responsibility of the person committed to monitor adverse reactions to drugs as every person’s body reacts differently to medications. Your doctor has no responsibility to share this information with you.

After a few questions about my mental state, I was asked if I would voluntarily commit myself to a mental institution. I said no, because I believed the root of the problem was physiological, not psychological. I was told I could go home if I agree to a day program and, though I wasn’t sure how this would address the physiological issue, I was open to the idea.

I then learned the day center did not have a place for me to lie down, so this option was not physically possible being that I was one-week postoperative. This was another mistake. Because of my “uncooperative behavior,” the ER physician filed a Section 12a on me, which in the state of Massachusetts meant I was then involuntarily committed to a mental institution of its choosing.

A guard was put at my door. I repeatedly tried to get the ER staff to understand my problem was physiological, not psychological. I am assured that my medical needs will be addressed at the psychiatric ward. The vice president and executive director of the hospital said she was sure that by the following week, she and I would meet again and I would thank her for the care I have received at the psychiatric hospital. This proved to be grossly inaccurate.

Stark Reality of a Mental Institution

The dysphoria and suicidal ideation abated by 11 a.m. At 6:30 p.m. I was transported by ambulance to the psychiatric hospital. Mental institutions are exactly how movies portray them: stark, cold, and dark, with stale air. Strapped to an ambulance gurney, I rolled through the unadorned white corridors. As the first set of automatic doors opened and slowly closed, I realized my children, husband, friends, and family were no longer available to me. When the second set of locked doors clicked shut, my freedom of movement and privacy left. As the third set of doors slammed behind me, dignity, respect, and even intelligence were stripped from me.

From then on, I wore only the label of “mentally ill.”

After being checked in, I was assigned a hospital gown for sleeping, towels, and one blanket. I was not allowed a bra, as I might hang myself with it. No dental floss, as I might slit my wrists. No iPod because of the headphone wires… and the list goes on.

The acting physician came in, reviewed the pain medications I was taking, and prescribed the same ones again. As he left, I said, “Out of curiosity, should the hydromorphone make me itch?” He stopped and said, “You are allergic to it.” So it was the hydromorphone that I was allergic to! That was the fourth thing I did right: ask endless questions of your physicians. Do not fear them; fear the mistakes they could make. I would have been prescribed the harmful drug again.

Always Cooperate

I remember years ago reading that if you are ever involuntarily admitted to a mental institution, cooperate at every level. I made a series of requests, which were refused—food, ibuprofen, tea, and constipation medicine—because at that point it was too late in the evening to have them approved. By then, I must have seemed like an unreasonable patient, so I went to bed to stare at the ceiling until daylight. My roommate slept restlessly. I started taking notes in order to provide my husband with concrete examples of how my medical needs had not been met. Another thing done right: take notes. I recorded times and who I had spoken to.

 My Psych Team Does Their Job

At 9 a.m., I fought to find my breakfast tray in the cafeteria. Breakfast consisted of pancakes dripping in syrup along with sausages, which I knew my body would not process. Kind Nurse1 brought me a bowl of oatmeal, and a dietician came over to discuss what I could eat. She said, “Ok, we will start providing them to you tomorrow,” and I thought, “Tomorrow? What am I supposed to do today?” I remained quiet. When lunch arrived, I saw it was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I explained I was allergic to peanut butter, thanked the attendant, and went back to my room.

My “support team” met with me later. My intake report, which I subsequently requested, indicated I was “helpless, hopeless, and suicidal.” Later I learned my poor mental state was attributed to my not looking the admitting ER physician in the eye (while I was lying on a hospital bed). This was yet another mistake of mine. Make sure you look all interviewers in the eyes so they realize you are in full control of your mental state. At the meeting with my support team, the hospital psychiatrist held my intake report and asked me why I was there. I told them it was because of an allergic reaction to hydromorphone.

An activity coordinator asked, “What are your goals during your stay?” I was ready for this question, as while I was in the ER I used the hospital Wi-Fi to get an idea of what to expect, since I had never been to a psych ward. I replied, “To finish chapter three of the book I am writing.”  I’ve since been informed that this could be interpreted as “Delusional Disorder, Grandiose Type,” since no one there knew I was a well-published university professor.

My only identity, according to my team, was “mentally ill with suicidal tendencies.” Wouldn’t I rather work on anxiety or other problems, they asked. I remained committed to chapter three of my book (with all due respect). “Well, ok,” they said, “there are board games, cards, and art you can do if you prefer. Maybe you would like a group session.”

Here is a reminder to mental health providers: people do not automatically lose their intelligence once they enter your facility. (I have come up with several other pieces of advice, which you can see here.)

My Husband Advocates for Me

By midday a hospital human rights officer had arrived and said my husband filed a complaint. From that moment forward my care changed dramatically. My meals were brought to my room with food I could actually eat (that day, not the next), and drinks were supplied without my asking, including warm prune juice.  I received fruit and vegetables for grazing on throughout the day. I got my iPod back, and I was given privileges for outside air twice daily. I refused group therapy because of pain, but I could ask for ibuprofen for breakthrough pain as well as milk of magnesia for constipation. I also received dental floss, and Kind Nurse2 provided tea twice in the evening. When I explained I needed a sleeping pill, Kind Nurse2 called the doctor immediately and I got an OTC sleeping pill.

You do have rights. If you feel they have been violated, have your advocate talk to the human rights officer.

Released

On the morning of my third day, I was asked to sign discharge papers which said I suffer from MDD, major depressive disorder. I refused. I asked the hospital psychiatric doctor whether my file stated I had an allergic reaction to hydromorphone. The answer was no. I asked for it to be added but did not stick around to see that it was.

I was released at 11:45 a.m., 52 hours after walking into my local ER. Ever so happy to see my husband, I finally let myself cry.

Five Lessons Learned

1. Bring an advocate when seeking medical care. Four different doctors misdiagnosed my symptoms. Don’t fear your doctors; fear the mistakes they may make. Ask questions! Have your advocate ask the questions and take notes if you can’t. Have your advocate fight for your rights.
2. Immediately call your physician or a poison control center if you or a loved one has ANY reaction to a medication, common or not (blurred vision, itching, hives, euphoria, dysphoria, anger, etc.). Epocrates.com and Medscape.com are good places to consult about side effects and drugs combinations that should be monitored closely.
3. Share this mantra or a similar one with everyone you love, especially young adults: Suicide is a long-term solution to a short-term problem. Have a support system in place of people you trust; you never know when you might need them.
4. Cooperate at all times if you are misdiagnosed and admitted to a psychiatric ward. Agitation and despondency support the diagnosis. While confined, your job is to relax; your advocate’s job is to fight on your behalf to get you out. Have your advocate bring magazines, newspapers, or something to keep you busy, and be prepared to get caught up on 2-3 days of reading.
5. Know what is in your medical records. Ask to see them and make sure they are in a language/terms you understand. This is your right.

My surgeon later confirmed the hydromorphone likely caused the dsyphoria/suicidal ideation. If you are wondering, I did not abuse the pain medication. At admittance, eight days after surgery, the psych ward counted 20 pills left in the bottle out of a prescription of 30. I have been told the type of reaction I had is rare, but I wonder how many times this type of issue is misdiagnosed.

In this experience, I made mistakes more than I did things right, and I have made this report so you don’t make similar mistakes. Please pass on my story so others are educated likewise.

Dr. Rummel is an associate professor of marketing and innovations at a well-known university in the northeast. She holds a BS in Chemical Engineering, as well as an MBA, in addition to her PhD. She has two wonderful teens, a puppy, and a devoted husband. Mental health issues, especially depression, run in her family, but deter none of her family members from living full lives. She shares her experience in the hope that the health care industry will be the first to demystify mental health issues. Only then can the general public appreciate the commonality of temporary and long-term mental illnesses.

Reference:
McAuliffe, Carmel M. (2002). Archives of Suicide Research. 6:325-338, p. 336.

I see you understand yourself very well—better than most people do, in fact, and I think your understanding comes from your intellectual abilities, which I believe are way above average. You’re quite blessed to have this capacity, but the mind alone is not capable of changing this style of processing.

You write that you are in a relationship, and I wonder how your partner is impacted by your distortions, and how you deal with that together. You say that you obsess that your partner may be cheating, though there is no evidence that this is true. If you’re feeling unwanted, you might ask for excessive reassurance, which rarely works for very long to calm anxiety and which can be annoying to others. How does your partner react to your fears? Does your partner know ways to help? If not, couples counseling might be good for both of you.

Listen to the way you talk to yourself—what you say about yourself to yourself. Perhaps you berate yourself as you lose patience with your repetitive and catastrophizing thoughts. Be kind, as kind as you probably are to others. Remember that charity begins at home, and exercise compassion. And practice ways to so soothe yourself, perhaps through restorative yoga or long walks or jogs.

Finally, your obsessions may be an indication of obsessive compulsion, which often runs in families, and treatment can help effectively manage this. One way to treat obsessive thoughts is with cognitive behavioral therapy, during which people are exposed to situations that they are afraid of until they gradually become less sensitized. Psychodynamic psychotherapy with someone who specializes in helping people reach their unconscious feelings and work them out in relationship with the therapist might be ideal, or you might want to work with an art therapist or even a psychoanalyst.

Anti-anxiety or antidepressant medications benefit some people, too, but if you and your doctor decide that this is your path, you must be carefully monitored by a psychiatrist. If you do take medication, you might consider combining this with some form of psychotherapy.

Thank you very much for consulting GoodTherapy.org; I wish you a successful journey!

Kind regards,
Lynn

Even the most honest people are faced with lying when they are depressed. This is yet another indignity adding to the suffering of depression. The most obvious and pervasive example is the frequent, daily question, “How are you?” It is a social convention to greet friends, strangers, and acquaintances with this question. Frankly, most of us lie in response to this question, or at least shade or limit the truth, because people generally don’t want to hear the true answer when they ask. Convention tells us to answer, “I’m fine, thanks; how are you?” For most people most of the time, this isn’t a big deal. It’s just a formality that facilitates greeting people, and is understood as a friendly hello. It’s not generally a problem because mostly people are fine, and don’t need to tell someone about the rash on their butt or the dog poo they stepped in.

But for a depressed person, the lies required for social convention are constant, and they create more and more isolation and separateness from other people. They reinforce a sense of having a shameful secret that no one wants to know or help them resolve. It reinforces a sense of being a burden or unlovable. All of these thoughts are common in depression, and to have them reinforced all day long by multiple people is crushing. Many people deal with it by isolating themselves from others if they can.

Of course, we all expect to lie to store clerks and other strangers, or even coworkers or neighbors, when they ask how we are and the truthful answer is too personal. But what about when a doctor asks—or clergy, someone we’re dating, our parents, our children, or our friends? What if what we are thinking is, “I hate myself,” “I’m disgusting,” “I’m a failure,” “Everyone would be better off if I were dead,” “I can’t stand the emotional pain anymore,” or even “Day after day I can barely get out of bed, and when I do, I can’t do anything—I’m neglecting my children and spouse, doing a terrible job at work, and have no interest or joy in anything”?

[fat_widget_left]If people say these thoughts aloud, they are likely to get an upsetting response. Some will tell them they don’t really feel that way, or shouldn’t feel that way. Some will try to cheer them up. Others will shame or blame them for how they suffer. Many will get scared; some may laugh. Some will distance themselves. Even some inexperienced therapists may get distracted by their fear of suicide and shift focus to keeping the person alive rather than addressing the pain. Good friends may listen and care, but if the condition is chronic, they get tired of listening to the same scary, depressing point of view that is their friend’s experience.

Here’s an example of the kind of conversation depressed people have all the time, in this case between friends. The italics indicate unspoken thoughts.

Friend: “Hi, how are you?”

Depressed person: I feel like crap, but if I say that, she’ll think I’m being negative and tease me about being Eeyore. I don’t want to alienate her or make her depressed, and I also don’t want to answer a lot of questions to explain or justify how I feel. I’d better act like I’m OK. Maybe she won’t notice. “I’m fine, how are you?”

Friend: She doesn’t look good, but I don’t want to pry, and I don’t know what to do if I find out she’s not OK, so I’ll just wait for her to tell me what’s wrong. Exercise would probably help her—maybe I can inspire her. “I’m good—just had a great workout.”

Depressed person: Oh, god, she thinks I’m a fat slug. I don’t have the energy to brush my teeth, much less work out. I’m a worthless piece of crap. I’ll never be a normal person like her. Everyone else just goes on with their lives, and everything would go on the same way without me. I’m really not a participant in life; I’m just dead weight. “Wow, that’s awesome. I have to get back to the gym, too. How’re the kids?”

Friend: If I entertain her with stories, maybe it will cheer her up …

Depressed person (tuning in and out of stories): I’ve told her how crappy I felt—or some of it—both times I’ve seen her recently. If she knows I’m still depressed, she’ll probably be bored and overwhelmed and won’t want to see me again until I feel better. Maybe I can just talk about one problem. “Yeah, I really worry about my kids. Henry punched a kid at school the other day …”

The depressed person walks away from the visit feeling alone in her secret life and drained from keeping the secret.

This is one of the most important reasons to find an experienced, qualified depression therapist when depression lasts longer than a few weeks. It’s essential to be able to tell someone the whole truth about how much you’re suffering, without concern that the person will discount you, disbelieve, judge, get distracted by fear about what you are saying, or respond with boredom, irritation, or impatience. As obvious as that may sound, not many people can do this for others.

Experiencing anger in your relationship is not a sign that your relationship is doomed to fail.

Anger is an emotion that we all experience, and it signifies that something has to be done. Conflict really has a purpose, and the purpose is mutual understanding, according to relationship researcher Dr. John Gottman. Anger makes you aware that there is a problem. How you deal with your anger can become a big part of the problem. For some couples, anger can make it nearly impossible to figure out what the problem is and how to fix it.

For most couples, anger itself is not the problem. What becomes problematic is how partners deal with their anger and how well they deal with their partner’s. Research shows that 69% of problems in a relationship are unsolvable, emphasizing that couples must learn to manage conflict rather than eliminate it entirely.

Dealing with Your Anger

Managing your own anger effectively is the first step toward healthier relationship dynamics. Research shows that anger is often a secondary emotion which covers up more vulnerable feelings such as embarrassment, sadness, and hopelessness. Understanding this can help you address the root causes of your emotional responses.

Take time out to calm yourself enough to think about what you are angry about. Taking a break is the best way to keep a bad argument from getting worse, with pauses ranging from 20 minutes to 24 hours to allow both partners to cool down.

Own your anger. Remind yourself that your anger belongs to you and that it is telling you something about yourself. Anger is often directed at your partner, but your anger belongs to you, even when it’s triggered by your partner’s behavior. You can have valid complaints about your partner’s actions, but the emotion is yours.

If the anger is your own, then it follows that you are in control. Accept that you are in control. Your next step is to think about what your anger is about. Again, try to focus on yourself, not your partner’s wrongdoing. I’m not saying that your partner is right. I am saying that you need to focus on yourself so you can express yourself to your partner, allowing you to work together to find solutions.

See your thoughts and emotions as your perspective, and at the same time try to keep in mind that your partner has his or her own perspective that will always be different from yours—after all, you are two different people with different experiences. Thinking like this will help you stay calm through the process of dealing with your emotions.

What are your angry thoughts? Try to follow your thoughts to get a full picture. It may help to write down what, exactly, happened that led to you feeling angry.

Consider what other emotions are involved. Research on anger and emotion regulation shows that anger often serves as a defensive response to protect against more vulnerable primary emotions. Examples of primary emotions are feeling sad, afraid, hurt, or rejected. Anger activates when something stands between us and the gratification of our demands, serving as a defensive system. Vulnerability is often seen as weakness; many of us were brought up to ignore vulnerabilities and push through problems.

Anger can feel like relief as emotional energy is released and vulnerabilities are pushed away from awareness. Being angry at your partner is sometimes easier than facing fear of rejection. However, the consequences of reacting with anger in a relationship can be severe. We know this at work; screaming at colleagues is most likely going to get us fired.

Key Insight: Nathanael Schlect, Licensed Associate Counselor “Anger can feel like relief as emotional energy is released and vulnerabilities are pushed away from awareness.”

Dealing with Your Partner’s Anger

This guidance applies to relationships where both partners feel safe. If anger includes intimidation, coercion, or physical harm, professional support is important

Dealing with your partner’s anger is a totally different process. I suggest that you help your partner calm down and go through the process described above.

Your part is to be supportive, listen actively, and ask clarifying questions. (See other articles I have written on The Good Therapy Blog about communicating effectively and especially active listening.) As the listener, you must create a safe space for the speaker with no judging or arguing, showing genuine interest and allowing them time to fully communicate their concerns.

Remind yourself that your partner is coming from his or her perspective and personal experiences. Your own perspective and feelings are not important at this time. If you are able to do this for your partner, I can assure you that you will see big, positive changes in your relationship. Perhaps your partner will initially react with surprise and even anger that you are changing your steps of the dance you have danced together for so many years of fighting. However, if you keep up your end of the relationship and focus on being the best partner you can be, your partner will eventually follow and give you the same courtesy when you are upset and need support.

The happiest and most successful couples don’t avoid conflict, fear or anger – they just know how to fight fairly and productively. Research from the Gottman Institute shows that effective couples use “repair attempts” during conflicts—small gestures like humor, affection, or expressions of empathy to de-escalate tension and maintain connection.

In an ideal world, partners will take turns being upset. In the real world, we often get upset at the same time. This is where repair work becomes important. Practice apologizing, stay calm, and remind yourself why you are in the relationship and that you are in control of how you express your emotions.

Stable and happy couples maintain a ratio of about 5 positive interactions for every 1 negative interaction, which helps buffer against conflict and builds emotional connection. This research-backed principle can guide couples in maintaining relationship health even during difficult periods.

Key Insight: Nathanael Schlect, Licensed Associate Counselor “In couples work, the goal isn’t to eliminate anger, it’s to slow it down enough that the hurt underneath can be heard.”

References:

1. Blair, R. J. R. (2012). Considering anger from a cognitive neuroscience perspective. Wiley Interdisciplinary Reviews: Cognitive Science, 3(1), 65-74. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3260787/
2. Gottman, J., & Gottman, J. S. (2024). Fight Right: How Successful Couples Turn Conflict into Connection. Harmony Books.
3. Gottman, J. M. (2024). Managing vs. resolving conflict in relationships: 3 essential blueprints for couples. The Gottman Institute. https://www.gottman.com/blog/managing-vs-resolving-conflict-relationships/
4. Larsson, J., Bjureberg, J., Zhao, X., & Hesser, H. (2024). The inner workings of anger: A network analysis of anger and emotion regulation. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 80(2), 437-455.
5. National Institute of Mental Health. (2024). Novel treatment helps children with severe irritability. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/news/science-updates/2024/novel-treatment-helps-children-with-severe-irritability
6. Pop, G. V., Nechita, D. M., Miu, A. C., & Szentágotai-Tătar, A. (2025). Anger and emotion regulation strategies: A meta-analysis. Scientific Reports, 15(1), 6931.
7. Tharp, J. A., Zerwas, F. K., Mauss, I. B., & Chen, S. (2025). Power, emotion appropriateness norms, and regulation of anger and sadness. Emotion. Advance online publication.

You’re not paranoid if they really are out to get you. More than 50 years after Ernest Hemingway committed suicide, we know that Hemingway was being tracked and hounded by the FBI, but this revelation seems less significant in a culture dominated by surveillance.

Edward Snowden’s recent revelations about NSA spying have sparked a vigorous public debate, and employers routinely spy on their employees by tracking their email, logging their chats, and checking their Facebooks. Walk down any street or enter any convenience store and the odds are good that there’s a camera filming you. The line between public and private behavior is increasingly blurred. Some people are willing to sacrifice a bit of privacy to feel safer, but what about the psychological effects of all this surveillance?

Decreased Trust in Government

It makes sense that people might feel more afraid of their government when they think they’re being watched, but the effects go deeper. One study found that when people identified with a leader, their trust in that leader actually decreased when they found out they were being watched. Another study found that people’s willingness to put up with surveillance decreases when they realize that they are the ones being watched instead of a mysterious bad guy.

Increased Stress

A sense of privacy can play a significant role in the control people feel over their lives. We all have private thoughts and behaviors that we’d rather keep under wraps, but mass surveillance makes this much more challenging. A hastily typed email message or unfortunate Facebook update can suddenly become public knowledge. As far back as 1996, researchers found that people felt a loss of control when they knew they were being watched.

The mental health effects don’t end there, though. Researchers have found that as surveillance increases, so does anxiety. Anxiety can lead to a host of health conditions, including high blood pressure, obesity, respiratory problems, gastrointestinal problems, and even cancer.

Effects on Relationships

Social networking, email, and text messaging play major roles in helping to maintain relationships with friends and family, especially across geographic distances. When people know they’re being watched, though, they tend to be more circumspect with their communications. What was once a sarcastic inside joke might become something that, taken out of context, reads like a threat. As the zone of privacy around a relationship diminishes, so too might people’s willingness to foster real intimacy and shared understandings.

Conformity

Researchers have known for decades that people tend to conform to what observers expect. In the 1960s, Stanley Milgram demonstrated that research subjects would willingly shock another person—even to the point of putting the person’s life in danger—if told to do so by an authority figure. When people know they’re being watched, they may subtly alter their behavior and communication to meet the expectations of the watcher. For an office worker, this might mean avoiding creative problem-solving. In political life, though, the effects can be even more damaging. The surveillance efforts of dictatorships have traditionally inhibited public involvement in government and shut down opposition. It may be that even in a democracy, surveillance limits dissent.

References:

1. Anxiety and physical illness. (2012, July). Harvard Health Publications. Retrieved from http://www.health.harvard.edu/newsletters/Harvard_Womens_Health_Watch/2008/July/Anxiety_and_physical_illness

2. Anxious people more likely to develop aggressive cancer, study finds. (2012, April 26). Metro. Retrieved from http://metro.co.uk/2012/04/26/anxious-people-more-likely-to-develop-aggressive-cancer-study-finds-404181/

3. Beaumont, P. (n.d.). Fresh claim over role the FBI played in suicide of Ernest Hemingway. The Guardian. Retrieved from http://www.theguardian.com/books/2011/jul/03/fbi-and-ernest-hemingway

4. Borland, J. (2007, August 08). Maybe surveillance is bad, after all. Wired.com. Retrieved from http://www.wired.com/threatlevel/2007/08/maybe-surveilla/

5. Smith, M. (1992). Employee stress and health complaints in jobs with and without electronic performance monitoring. Applied Ergonomics, 23(1), 17-27. doi: 10.1016/0003-6870(92)90006-H

6. Stanton, J. M., & Barnes-Farrell, J. L. (1996). Effects of electronic performance monitoring on personal control, task satisfaction, and task performance. Journal of Applied Psychology, 81(6), 738-745. doi: 10.1037//0021-9010.81.6.738

7. SubaÅ¡ić, E., Reynolds, K. J., Turner, J. C., Veenstra, K. E., & Haslam, S. A. (2011). Leadership, power and the use of surveillance: Implications of shared social identity for leaders’ capacity to influence. The Leadership Quarterly, 22(1), 170-181. doi: 10.1016/j.leaqua.2010.12.014

8. York, J. C. (2013, June 25). The chilling effects of surveillance. AlJazeera. Retrieved from http://www.aljazeera.com/indepth/opinion/2013/06/201362574347243214.html

Spontaneous remission refers to the achievement of subclinical levels of physical or psychological symptoms of a specific condition without the aid of psychological, medical, or pharmacological treatment. In depression, spontaneous remission has been the topic of recent research, with an emphasis on the role and necessity of treatment. Some research has suggested that intervention is not necessary to achieve remission in all cases, while other research has underscored the importance of mental health treatment for depression.

To explore this issue further, Harvey A. Whiteford of the Policy and Evaluation Group at the Queensland Centre for Mental Health Research in Australia recently conducted an analysis on 19 existing studies to determine the rate of spontaneous remission in untreated major depression. Whiteford found looked at adults, children, and elderly individuals with depression that were waitlisted or who served as controls in clinical studies. He evaluated remission based on symptom severity over a one year period.

The results revealed that 23% of adults will experience remission of depression without treatment in three months, 32% in six months and 53% in a year. Whiteford found that children and adolescents were more likely to achieve remission without treatment than adults. They also achieved remission sooner than adults did during the 12-month period.

When symptom severity was examined, it was revealed that individuals with severe symptoms were 25% less likely to remit than those with only mild symptoms of depression. Factors that affect symptom severity, along with personal treatment preferences and barriers to treatment, could also affect remission and choice to treat. Although not explored in this study, these factors should be examined in future work.

The findings presented here provide new direction for clinicians working with depressed clients. The results support a wait and see approach for treating some cases of depression, and in particular, cases with mild and moderate symptoms. Doing so could make critical resources more available to high risk clients.

Whiteford added, “Resources should be directed towards those with greatest need, for example those experiencing more severe depression and those whose symptoms are likely to persist or reoccur.” These findings are novel and because this research is a relatively new avenue of exploration, these results should be further validated before suggestions are fully implemented in clinical settings.

Reference:
Whiteford, H. A., et al. (2013). Estimating remission from untreated major depression: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Psychological Medicine 43.8 (2013): 1569-85. ProQuest. Web.

In the classic television series The X-Files, FBI agents attempt to uncover a conspiracy between aliens from another world and the U.S. government. Ideas about aliens vary from culture to culture and can be heavily influenced by the media, but the phenomenon of so-called alien abductions is relatively new in human history.

In 1997, the year the Hale-Bopp comet blasted past Earth, belief in alien conspiracies was at an all-time high. Sixty-four percent of respondents to a CNN poll said they believed aliens had made contact with humans, with 50% claiming that aliens had abducted humans. The concept of alien abductions is well-established in American consciousness, but psychological research may be able to offer a more mundane explanation for widespread belief in so-called abductions.

Sleep Paralysis

When you sleep, your body freezes your limbs, decreasing the likelihood that you leap from the bed or injure yourself in your dreams. But sometimes sleep paralysis goes a little haywire and people wake up unable to move. This can trigger an assortment of bizarre, dream-like hallucinations. People who already believe in aliens may, in this semi-conscious state, interpret lights and sounds from outside as alien visitors. Upon returning to sleep, these memories can become even more lucid through further dreams about aliens. Because sleep paralysis can be so frightening, though, people who experience it and then dream about aliens may interpret their experiences as real.

Brain Disturbances

The brain can do all kinds of strange things that seem real in the moment. After all, it’s the source of dreams, false memories, and hallucinations. Researchers have found that electrical stimulation of the temporal lobe can produce images and experiences that some people may interpret as alien abductions. A seizure in the temporal lobe is sufficient to trigger abduction-like sensations, so it may be that some people’s memories of abductions are in fact memories of seizures.

Mental Health Issues

Many people who report alien abductions are healthy, high-functioning individuals. Some, however, have a mental health issue that clouds their ability to distinguish fantasy from reality. Delusional issues are particularly likely to result in alien abduction memories, but research has also shown a correlation between alien abduction reports and schizotypal personality. People with schizotypal personality are often perceived by others as eccentric, and typically have unusual beliefs. They sometimes engage in magical thinking, and may experience problems with perception. This may lead to interpreting an experience as an alien abduction.

Memory Difficulties

The memory can play a host of tricks on you. It doesn’t act as a recording device, carefully cataloging every life event. Instead, the memory is highly susceptible to suggestion, belief, and fantasy. In some cases, it’s possible people may misremember dreams as reality or interpret a strange experience, such as a house shaking due to an earthquake, as an alien abduction. Cognitive biases can further distort memory. Confirmation bias, for example, is the tendency to see evidence for something you already believe. If you believe aliens abduct people and then have a frightening nighttime experience with a bright light, you may be tempted to fit this experience into what you already know, seeing it as evidence of an alien abduction.

But What If It’s Real?

There are plenty of scientists who are convinced there is life on other planets. No one can say with certainty whether aliens have visited our planet. Some psychologists, such as John Mack, have studied abduction phenomena, taking the stories to be true at face value. This field of psychology, called parapsychology, has gained a cult following among devotees of aliens and the UFO culture. Parapsychologists are interested in the effects of apparent abductions and the ways the trauma of a memory of abduction affects the brain.

References:

1. Cromie, W. J. (2005, September 22). Alien abduction claims explained. Harvard Gazette. Retrieved from http://www.news.harvard.edu/gazette/2005/09.22/11-alien.html
2. Gurstelle, E. (2011, November 10). The psychology of alien abduction — an altered state of consciousness? The PsychMinder. Retrieved from http://psychminder.com/2011/11/10/alien-abduction/
3. Poll: U.S. hiding knowledge of aliens. (1997, June 15). CNN. Retrieved from http://www.cnn.com/US/9706/15/ufo.poll/
4. The psychology and neuroscience of alien abduction. (n.d.). Kuro5hin. Retrieved from http://www.kuro5hin.org/story/2002/9/1/14038/46155