Eliminating the Stigma of Childhood Sexual Abuse

Kids walking in front of school busWhen it comes to childhood sexual abuse, the statistics speak loudly on a largely silenced issue. The American Psychological Association, using Center for Disease Control data (2005), reports that approximately 1 in 6 boys and 1 in 4 girls have been sexually abused before the age of 18. The World Health Organization, in its October 2002 report titled Violence and Health, states 20% of women and 5%-10% of men worldwide have been sexually abused as children.

Yet, except for recent coverage of the Sandusky scandal, we see hardly any news stories covering childhood sexual abuse. As a society we shy away when survivors speak about their abusive experiences. Victims are silenced individually in consulting rooms when professionals fail to ask, “Have you ever been a victim of sexual abuse?” and institutionally through religious organizations or schools that tolerate abuse (e.g., Miramonte Elementary, Penn State). We need to do better as a society when it comes to facing and ending childhood sexual abuse.

Talking about childhood sexual abuse is difficult. Perhaps, on some level, we believe if we do not talk about it, it does not exist. Or, perhaps the fact that many cases of childhood sexual abuse often involve incest creates an aversion to discussing it. Whatever the reason for our avoidance, in order to stop it, we need to talk about it. We need to allow our friends, coworkers, relatives, and patients to openly discuss the trauma, rather than allowing them to carry the pain in silence. We also need to demand accountability from institutions we trust to protect our children, not abuse them.

The secrecy of childhood sexual abuse contributes to the inability of victims to move on and to realize they were not at fault. To be able to move from victim to survivor, someone who has suffered childhood sexual abuse has to understand the trauma, process it, and turn it into a memory.

For victims, however, the trauma lives on as if it were happening in the here and now. In the case of childhood sexual abuse, this often entails flashbacks, the inability to have healthy sexual relations, and a deep sense of being damaged. Worse, the silence often meeting those victims who do come forward can break an already-wounded human. An example of this can be seen in the Sandusky case at Penn State.

Fairbairn’s (1952) perspective may be the most useful in better understanding what happens to victims of childhood sexual abuse. He points out that victims of trauma cling to their original unsatisfying/punishing relationships by suppressing themselves and their own needs. They also tend to adapt their needs to the needs of the other party.

In simple terms, if your caretaker was not able to protect you from childhood abuse or worse, inflicted the abuse, you are more likely to blame yourself for it. In the process you may have “protected” the person who inflicted the pain by believing it was your fault, that you must have done something wrong. If the only possible source of nurturance and validation is destroyed (by your abuser or the caretaker who is not able to protect you or listen to you), you create what Fairbairn calls the “moral defense”—you blame yourself and defend your caretaker/abuser for the damaging aspects of the relationship.

Framed in such terms, the answer to the question posed by the victim is “it is better to be a sinner in a world ruled by God than to live in a world ruled by the Devil. A sinner in a world ruled by God may be bad; but there is always a certain sense of security to be derived from the fact that the world around is good and God is in His heaven and All is Right in the world!; and in any case there is always a hope of redemption.” (Fairbairn, 1952, pp. 66-67).

What this means for adult survivors is that later on in life, a shadow of this internal conflict causes further interpersonal problems and alters the adult survivor’s sense of what constitutes a healthy relationship. Therapy can help in the healing process. To borrow Fairbairn’s analogy to God, therapy can be a place where the task of the therapist is that of exorcism and the casting out of devils. The release of the internalized “badness” from the unconscious is one of the chief aims of psychotherapy.

Having said that, I want to go a step further and urge all of us to become advocates for change. I deeply believe in the healing power of therapy and think anyone, abused or not, can benefit from it. But the personal will always be political. Therapy alone is not enough.

As a society, we need to be more aware of childhood sexual abuse and demand that religious institutions, schools, etc., are held accountable when it comes to protecting and reporting sexual abuse. We can all effect change in these institutions by starting with critical self-reflection—drawing connections between individual acts of abuse and systemic forms of oppression. By analyzing how patriarchy[1] and strict gender roles contribute in a systemic way to the abuse, we can begin conversations that envision egalitarian, nonexploitative relationships.

We need to be able to talk about childhood sexual abuse and to allow victims to tell their stories. By not silencing the victims and overcoming our own avoidance to hearing these stories, we lay the necessary groundwork for victims to reposition themselves regarding the abuse, to process and to understand they were not the instigators of abuse. Removing the stigma of childhood sexual abuse is the beginning of the healing process.

It is up to all of us to end childhood sexual abuse. Whether you encourage your friends to talk about it or you decide to go to therapy, join a support group, support legislation calling for more accountability, or speak up in your religious community, always remember: Change starts at home.


  1. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2005). Adverse childhood experiences study: Data and statistics. Atlanta, GA: Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, National Center for Injury Prevention and Control. Retrieved July 5. 2012, from http://www.cdc.gov/ace/index.htm.
  2. Fairbairn, W. R. D. (1952c). The repression and return of bad objects (with special references to the “war neuroses”). In: Psychoanalytic studies of the personality (pp.59–81 ).London: Routledge & Kegan Paul (Original work published 1953).
  3. World Health Organization. (2002). World Report on Violence and Health. Geneva: WHO. Retrieved July 5, 2012.


[1] By emphasizing commodity and possession, patriarchy creates social relations where some people have power over others (men over women, whites over blacks, etc.) enabling us to treat others as objects, not subjects.


© Copyright 2012 GoodTherapy.org. All rights reserved. Permission to publish granted by Silvia M. Dutchevici, MA, LMSW, Therapy for Abuse/Survivors of Abuse Topic Expert Contributor

The preceding article was solely written by the author named above. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. Questions or concerns about the preceding article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment below.

  • Leave a Comment
  • emerson

    July 17th, 2012 at 12:12 PM

    For a very long time after this happened to me I wa scared and ashamed to talk to anyone about what had gone on.

    It took me a very long time to get to the point where I knew I needed help with it and could open myself up enough to talk with a therapist about what the actions of this person had done to me as a person.’

    I have never felt able to fall in love for fear that he would be scandalized if he knew the things that had been done to me. I felt so dirty and used, never good enough to receive love from another person.

  • Ian

    July 17th, 2012 at 2:38 PM

    I want those who have had this happen to them to feel that they canntalk openly and honestly about their experiences, as long as they remember the ones who may actually want to listen and those who would rather not hear anything about it at all. Just be careful who you choose to talk to, because not everyone will be equipped to handle stories such as yours. They can try, but it takes a very strong person to listen and to have the right words to share in situations such as this.

  • ashley

    July 18th, 2012 at 12:10 AM

    from what is mentioned here, it is apparent that if we remain silent on the issue of childhood sexual abuse and do not speak out against it, the victim will continue to be punished and the perpetrator will lead a normal and free life instead of being punished for the hideous crime.this is a crime on our part as a society.

  • AlexaJohnston

    July 18th, 2012 at 4:20 AM

    I don’t understand why the victims of child abuse are the ones who feel like they are to blame. They are not to blame. It is the monsters who abuse these kids who are the ones who feel the blame and the shame! As far as society goes, shame on anyone who is not willing to listen to these victims when they make their complaints or accusations. Too many times I think that many of us feel like if we ignore what is going on it will go away. How many more victims do there have to be before we realize that ignoring the issue never makes it go away?

  • L

    November 26th, 2015 at 1:51 PM

    It doesn’t help that the medical and legal establishments contribute to the stigma. I remember in a two week span, I heard people in the prosecutor’s office proclaiming child abuse victims are “f%cked up for life”. And then in a psychology class taught by a prominent psychiatrist at one of our mental health institutions said the exact same thing in class.

    These are the people who are supposed to be helping the situation, designing treatment and policies for victims. And there I was quietly reflecting on my abuser and the trajectory of my life since.

  • Meg

    August 15th, 2016 at 8:58 AM

    A part of what I’ve learned and I didn’t know for 55 years of my abuse is that after talking about it after telling your friends about it even if they’ve had the same experience nobody checks in to say how are you doing how is your healing going it’s just a dead subject the only people you can really talk to are support groups /therapy and there are good classes and that you can take and learn about the effects of your abuse butin general friends and family…they don’t want to mention it they don’t bring it up and it makes you feel even more alone. It is absolutely one of the most devastating silently devastating things that can happen to your soul and very few people understand.

  • Yvonne R

    January 31st, 2017 at 4:31 AM

    I’m a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and still trying hard to survive. I am working on my memoirs and hoping to reach out to help other survivors to heal from the shame and guilt. Its been far too long to be suffocated by the silence and the world in which we live in.

  • Joy

    July 8th, 2019 at 11:59 AM

    I am a sexual abuse survivor. I have a friend that was abused once by a stranger at the age of 10 yrs. old. She is now all grown up in age, admitted it happen at one time, but now denied it ever happen, totally 100% denies it. How do you help her?

  • Will

    June 29th, 2021 at 9:14 PM

    I just want to say my 6th grade teacher drugged me when I got to spend the night over at his house, I liked him because he let me smoke cigarettes in school and if I wanted one he would always good for one, and he used to get me high sometimes, I got to take a couple if bong hits. Oh and by the way this was in 1982, I’m 51 now and guess what…whoever is reading this, you are the only person I have ever told. But I can remember like it was yesterday and keep in mind I am leaving out a lot of details on how i was allowed to spend the night, and how i was able to smoke cigs, & pot. Anyway, one minute I’m alert sitting on the couch looking at a quarter pound of pot! It was 4 sandwich baggies with each holding a once then him and some other man who I didn’t know,but I remember his name. So I’m on the couch amazed at the amount of pot, and he tells me “Im trusting you with that until I get back, blank and I are going pick us up some roast beef sandwiches from the Arbys. ” I replied “Thanks Mr. ***$$**,And I promise I won’t take any of it I just like holding it. Next thing I remember I was waking up in his bed the next day. I apparently I had wet the bed, that’s why I had only a shirt on when I had woken up he also washed my hair over the tub, and towel dried me, and I guess he had washed my clothes because they where ready not long after I got hair washed. Then I called my older sister to please come pick me up. And never said nothing about it, until now. And I am convinced that is why I’m so fucked up in the head sexually and all my romantic if you would, relationships and my Marriage all have failed. But anyway I’ve held this inside for a long time, mainly because I didn’t want people to think I was gay, or look at me in a different light, and just the embarrassment alone kept me silent. But even tho it was 38yrs ago but I still would like to sit down and talk to a professional about this but with all the details and how it all begain. One that will/would listen anyway? lol Ifeel somewhat better, yet angry at the sometime. This happened in Virginia, he lived in Newport News, I lived in, and went to a small town school in Isle of Wight County. Thanks for reading this if anybody did. Good night, Will.

Leave a Comment

By commenting you acknowledge acceptance of GoodTherapy.org's Terms and Conditions of Use.

* Indicates required field.

GoodTherapy uses cookies to personalize content and ads to provide better services for our users and to analyze our traffic. By continuing to use this site you consent to our cookies.