Relationship Mistakes from Someone Who Has Made Many

Couple taking self photo

Tracy McMillan is an author and self-proclaimed relationship amateur with a ton of experience. McMillan has been divorced three times. She has also been married three times and has taken her own experience on relationship mistakes and shared them with women throughout the country. In a recent article, the author and blogger gave her perspective on what women do wrong in relationships. McMillan believes her advice is embraced by women because it is delivered in a friendly, girlfriend-type voice. She speaks honestly and openly about the lies that women tell themselves and how these falsehoods create unreal expectations.

McMillan says that women are experts at deceiving themselves. For instance, if an eligible guy suggests that he wants to spend time with a woman but has no interest whatsoever of entering into a relationship, a woman has an amazing way of fooling herself into believing that a relationship will undoubtedly follow. This level of self-denial is unfair to the woman and to the guy, who has made his desires clear from the start. This type of situation almost always ends in disappointment for the woman and frustration for the man. Either way, it is a lose-lose situation that could be avoided if women would just start being honest with themselves.

One of the things that makes McMillan so popular with so many is that she readily confesses her lack of expertise. She refers to herself as a gifted amateur. Her history of failures and successes has culminated into a wealth of experiences that she wears proudly. McMillan’s nonpreachy style appeals to women seeking help in matters of the heart. She believes that the past holds the key to the future, and learning what behaviors were unproductive is the first step in changing them. She adds, “Loving a human being is the hardest thing in the whole world, and it’s the most important thing you’ll ever do.”

Author says biggest mistake women make in relationships: ‘They lie to themselves.’ Washington Post. Retrieved from

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  • Marion Caroline

    Marion Caroline

    July 6th, 2012 at 2:53 PM

    Good grief we could be soul sisters switched at birth!
    For TOO long I have been the queen of making relationships into what I have wanted them to be and not seeing them for what they really were.
    No more!
    I am tired of being that girl always getting dumped on.

  • Bryan


    July 6th, 2012 at 10:36 PM

    Any author who does not put him/herself on a high pedestal and act like an expert,who connects with the normal person and his/her everyday life is always a pleasure to read and this I think is the reason for Tracy McMillan’s success too.

  • James


    July 7th, 2012 at 4:11 AM

    I don’t want to be the judgemental type, but seriously: am I expected to take relationship advice from a writer who has been married and divorced three times? I get that we all make mistakes, I have made my own too. But maybe this is not the author who should be telling us the things to do/avoid when we are in a relationship with someone? I think that I would look for advice from someone who has seen their marriage through the good and the bad yet has still found ways to hold it together.

  • Darcy


    July 7th, 2012 at 8:17 AM

    If I want advice in a girlfriend way, then I will go to my friends.
    If I want therapeutic advice, then I am going to someone who talks in a more professional way, and not necessarily as a friend.
    That would just be something that I personally could respect more.

  • K Huston

    K Huston

    July 8th, 2012 at 8:33 AM

    How many books does she have and is there someone who could let me know some of the titles? I think that this kind of advice could make some sense to me instead of all that other self help mumbo jumbo that I always think sounds good by the title but then ends up making no logical sense to me at all!

  • Fred


    July 8th, 2012 at 10:00 AM

    This is called human nature. Guys do the same thing. All people rationalize all things that they like but aren’t right for them. I could make this article about ice cream and it would read the same.

  • pace


    July 9th, 2012 at 4:33 AM

    Fred is right. Ot’s not just women who do this, men are equally guilty.

  • Jacob R

    Jacob R

    July 10th, 2012 at 4:35 AM

    I can see how this kind of point of view would be very appealing to many men and women alike who are searching for something in their lives but don’t know what, but are tired of having someone tell them everything that they are doing wrong. None of us are martyrs, and none of us are perfect and for once it is nice to have someone else telling us about all of the mistakes that she has made too, and that it’s okay. That this is all about learning and growing from thiose mistakes, not beating yourself up over them.

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