Hope: A Poem About Healing from Being Unwanted

Close up of mother and father cradling baby's handElectric feeling in my face
threading up from my tummy.
Something vibrating, trying to escape.
to run from danger, to go back home,
upward to the Formless

Feels like a dried up cocoon,
like a shell washed up on the beach:
lifeless… crusty… scared… dead,
embalmed… sarcophagus
covered with think crust

 

Just one sign of life, a faint red glow, a dying heart.
Wordless, it rocks with acknowledgement of my presence
I move closer
He has no age, he is unborn.

Invite light
Open space above my head
Invite hummingbird and grandmother spirit
Grandmother spirit translates:
This fetus was not wanted
This fetus was lost and abandoned
This fetus died many generations ago

Died within my mother’s mother when she was not wanted
Died within my mother when she was not wanted
Died within me when I was not wanted

The fetus hides from other’s eyes
Other’s eyes stir it and awaken fear within it
The way eyes looked upon it and hearts felt upon it over many years past,
The fetus is afraid of being killed by eyes and hearts.
Lost, hidden, terrified.

I tremble with grief
I tremble with grief
I tremble with grief
For this fetus, for my mother, for my mother’s mother.

What’s that I hear?
The fetus wants to be reborn
Sadness
Hope

Asking for God
Asking for God
But I don’t know how
Asking for God

Something is happening
Grandmother spirit hands the fetus to God
God picks it up and I become the fetus
I am held by God
God is enormous
Enormous and full of love
God loves the fetus and the fetus cries

What’s that I hear?
The fetus wants to be reborn.
Sadness
Hope

God holds the fetus in the palm of his hand and
gently washes it through the current of a river
cleansing the dark charcoal crust and
washing the burdens of rejection away.
And from deep within the lost layers of burdens emerges a glowing heart
that God holds in the palm of his hands

God passes this heart through his body and gives birth to a star

The star shines of many changing colors
God places the shinning star within my heart.

Hope.

© Copyright 2008 by By Blog Author. All Rights Reserved. Permission to publish granted to GoodTherapy.org.

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  • Lyle

    Lyle

    February 14th, 2008 at 4:20 AM

    I’m always amazed at the power of poetry. Those who write well, as this author does, can say such amazing things in precious few words. My favorite part of this poem was the imagery created of God washing the fetus in the river. This section was so powerful that I even felt clean myself. Bravo on a job well done!

  • Lisa

    Lisa

    February 14th, 2008 at 4:22 AM

    An unwanted child is indeed a heart breaking situation. But, when spirits like Anonymous 2 find their way despite their wrenching situations, it gives all of us hope. I am so glad that Anonymous 2 has found that there is hope. There are people in the world who are glad you are here and definitely want you in this world-people like me!

  • Art

    Art

    February 14th, 2008 at 4:24 AM

    There have been times in my life, especially as a child, when I thought I was unwanted. On my 16th birthday, my mother made a long forgotten comment that made me believe that even stronger. But, the truth is, even if I wasn’t the product of a planned pregnancy, I was wanted in the end. As tough as this situation was for me, I can’t imagine going through life knowing for sure that I was unwanted. I applaud Anonymous 2 for working hard and finding his or her own meaning to life. Sometimes when we learn to celebrate who we are and know that God wants us, we can overcome knowing that our parents didn’t necessarily plan for us to be here. God did make you, and God does not make mistakes.

  • amy

    amy

    February 14th, 2008 at 4:29 AM

    Just reading the title of this poem made me sad and made me not want to read further. What could be more sad than this? But, I am so glad that I did read further. The hope that I felt for the author at the end of the poem was truly inspiring. I am thankful for you, the author, and for the gift of your poetry that you shared with us.

  • Ed

    Ed

    June 14th, 2016 at 4:47 AM

    Thanks !

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