Five Fights Every Happy Couple Needs to Have

Couple having a discussionYou might think that happy couples shouldn’t be fighting at all. But according to relationship experts, even happy couples will probably hit these relationship speed bumps at some point on their journey through marital bliss. When partners first meet, they are so consumed with their physical attraction for each other, those cute little quirks and the constant flurry of butterflies, that they can’t even begin to see that life is still going on around them. When your puppy love finally gets housebroken and true love settles in, so do the glaring differences between you and your partner. But according to experts, these fights do not have to be deal breakers; they just have to be negotiated.

  1. The Money Fight: Rarely do two strangers enter a relationship with the same perspective on money, or the same saving and spending habits. Being clear with each other from the start by working on financial goals and budgeting together can help you avoid those inevitable moments of financial frustration.
  2. The “You Used to Like Sex” Fight: Regardless of your gender or your age, chances are pretty good that your libido will find its way back in the cage it escaped from when you first fell head over heels in love with your soulmate. Marriage therapist and clinical psychologist Alexandra Solomon says that aging and life stressors can change a sex drive as well. “Our sex drive is always changing, our interests are always changing, and our bodies are always changing,” says Solomon. Rather than keeping that tension bottled up, talk out the differences in your sexual appetites and ways to keep you both satisfied.
  3. The In-Law Fight: Even if you marry later in life, there will almost always be extended family members that enter into your marriage. Discuss when and where you will entertain, spend the holidays, and vacation before you proceed with any of those activities. Most importantly, though spending time with those siblings, cousins, parents, and adult children is essential, spending time with your immediate family should be a priority.
  4. The “You’re Doing it Wrong” Fight: So he loads the dishwasher differently than you do, or she puts your work clothes on the wrong hangers, at least the dishwasher is empty and the clothes are hung. Fighting over doing it your way or the right way is not going to get your desired results. Accept that each of you came to the relationship with ingrained habits and differences, some of which drew you together. Don’t try to change everything about each other now that you can finally see your differences.
  5. Being Helpful without Being Hurtful Fight: We all want our loved ones to support us, guide us and be our biggest advocates. But we also don’t want to feel like we need their help. It’s a delicate dance when your partner asks for your help. Be sure to offer it, but only to the extent that they want it. In other words, don’t show them how to swing the hammer if they only ask you to hand it to them.

Get these essential arguments out of the way early on and you and your partner can avoid some of the major pitfalls that many committed couples encounter.

Ross, Valerie, and Leigh Newman. Marriage arguments: Fights all couples have to have at least once. (n.d.): n. pag. Huffington Post. 27 Feb. 2013. Web. 28 Feb. 2013.

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The preceding article was solely written by the author named above. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by Questions or concerns about the preceding article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment below.

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  • andrea james

    andrea james

    March 11th, 2013 at 3:09 PM

    I always thought that fighting was the kiss of death for a marriage until I read something very similar to this a few years back and it talked about the same things. That if you and your spouse don’t fight about some of these things some of the time then you are obviously not communicating with one another about the real life situations that most couples have to face in a marriage. So that’s when I decided to let it all out when the issues came up, and I can honestly say that lessening that burden from time to time has made us both happier. It feels good just to get it all out and over with.

  • Cody


    March 11th, 2013 at 11:17 PM

    Never too difficult to see even the happiest of couples have differences. It is just not possible to have zero conflict in a relationship.

    It almost make me sick when I hear people say theirs is the perfect relationship and that they never fight with their partner. What I’m thinking in my mind is – the first glimpses of differences and your relationship is in trouble. And that is bound to happen. No two people will not have differences.

    The solution is not to run away from those differences. The solution is not to go looking for someone who will not have any differences (because it is not possible). The solution is to learn to cope with and live with those differences. The solution is to use those differences to benefit the relationship, to appreciate the unique attributes of each!

  • DepressiveDancer


    March 12th, 2013 at 9:41 AM

    I’m in an amazing relationship, and we really don’t ever fight. It’s not that we don’t have different viewpoints or ideas about things (the 5 concepts above are very familiar!), we just don’t fight about them, we talk. We discuss, we look at options, we try to compromise and meet each other halfway. The idea of shouting and yelling in my partner’s face is abhorrent to me; it’s behavior I wouldn’t tolerate from a child, so why would I perpetrate it against another adult, especially the person I love!

  • Daniel


    March 12th, 2013 at 3:58 AM

    Believe me, have the money talk or fight or whatever and have it early, otherwise you could end up with somebody who has a whole pile of debt that you never even knew about until your name has been attached to it.

  • pauline k

    pauline k

    March 13th, 2013 at 3:56 AM

    I would love to know what others think about fighting in front of your kids?
    I have heard both sides. Show them how to argue fairly or don’t do it at all in front of them.
    Not really sure where I fall on this issue
    But all of these subjects that are encouraged to talk about here, I think that these are too serious to have in front of the children

  • Patrick


    March 16th, 2013 at 7:32 AM

    If your marrige is strong, then it doesn’t have to be a fight. Yes, you need to talk about all of these things with your spouse and hear what they have to say and work out how you are going to do all of this together but it doesn’t have to evolve into a fight. Couples result to arguing when they don’t know how to clearly communicate with each other. So these aren’t topics to avoid by any stretch, but if you approach them like two rational human beings, then it can be okay, there doesn’t have to be anyone going off the deep end.

  • Chris


    March 25th, 2013 at 8:51 PM

    Sounds like your talking about a perfect world. Not to be a jerk. It’s just that in my personnal experience’s ive yet to see (in 34 years) two people in a relationship rational all the time? I feel like only through counseling and the desire to learn self awareness can people start to let go of there self defense mechanism’s that have gotten them through daily life(which don’t work in a balanced fair relationship). I never feel like the deep end is nessacary. However, that being said real life is filled with different expectations, peoples agendas, versions of reality, the desIre to be loved and feel validated, the giving of love in the way your Partner needs instead of your own, etc…. Also what if everything you think you know and are rational about dosen’t appear to be rational or sensible to your partner. In my opinion the human psychy is so complex that is damn near impossible but def doable to be married happily. Just not without accepting that your own version of rational may not be rational to someone else. Depending obviously on our own individual experience’s, backgrounds ,chemistry,etc… I agree that these five fights are def normal and sensible. Patience, exceptance, give and take, eating shit sometimes, and therapy are normal if you really want to be with your partner. It sure is a hell of a learning experience!!!!!!!! Lol. Ain’t nothing free and work/compromise is certain! However the rewards are unreal!!! You want to play you gotta pay!!! Point is you just made it sound like it should be so easy! Be rational and not go off the deep end. As much as I would like to agree I think it’s like believing in the tooth fairy! You have to fight sometimes. Or it’s not real! “You can’t have a rainbow without the rain” Jim Croce.

  • Nalliah Thayabharan

    Nalliah Thayabharan

    August 3rd, 2013 at 12:15 PM

    Sincere couples enjoy and love each other. They talk together and do things together. These couples spend a lot of time together. When they are in conflict they try their best to be fair and kind to each other. Everybody is unique. When couples live together, inevitably they are bound to have differences of opinion and disagreements. Happy couples fight skillfully for a stronger relationship using plural pronouns which help couples align themselves on the same team, as opposed to being adversaries. Loving couples seek and offer forgiveness when they have done something wrong or hurtful. Loving couples always give the benefit of the doubt to the other spouse. Happy couples are positive about each other. Loving couples have relationships characterized by respect, affection and empathy, and they pay close attention to what’s happening in each other’s lives.

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