The Untold Impact of Mother-Son Incest

Boy in white shirt looks out of a window.This topic likely comes as a surprise to many. Just the idea of abuse of this nature, between a mother and her son, is shocking to most. The idea of mother-son incest is so far out of the realm of what we as a culture understand about mothers and women that even its victims rarely seek help.

As a society, our views of mothers as nurturers who would never willingly hurt their children may be so ingrained in our psyche that even trained psychologists can be uncomfortable entertaining the idea that sexual abuse can happen between a mother and her son (Osborne, 2015).

Why the Silence?

Incest (sexual relationships between family members) is taboo and can bring a strong sense of guilt and shame to its victims (Kluft, 2011). While the idea that fathers sexually abuse their children is disturbing, it is accepted as something that can (and does) happen. It is well documented and studied.

Although the idea that some fathers can be sexual predators towards their own family is accepted, the parallel idea, that mothers can be sexual predators towards their own children, has not been widely accepted. We live in a culture that tends to idolize motherhood. Mothers sacrifice so much to give us everything we need. In our society, speaking against a mother is almost sacrilegious. Unfortunately, the perception of a male monopoly on perpetrating incest has led to the creation of damaging myths that silence the male victim.

Reporting incest and seeking professional help may be both shameful and difficult in any situation, but it can be even more difficult in the case of a mother. Often, the reaction will be complete rejection or disbelief. Unfortunately, the perception of a male monopoly on perpetrating incest has led to the creation of damaging myths that silence the male victim.

Males and Sexual Abuse: The Myths

Researcher Lucetta Thomas has identified persistent and damaging myths in regard to male sexual victimization. These myths not only exist in the minds of boys and men who themselves are victims—they are also prevalent in the attitudes and perception of social workers, law enforcement, and even psychologists or counselors (Friedersdorf, 2016). Myths around males and sexual abuse include the following:

  • Boys and men can’t be sexually victimized; they must have consented.
  • Mothers do not do this; she must have been overly affectionate.
  • If the boy experiences sexual arousal or pleasure during the abuse, he enjoyed it, and it was not abuse, because he participated.
  • Boys are less traumatized by sexual abuse than girls, and this is because boys are more sex-focused in general.
  • The mother or son must have mental health issues.

Prevalence and Long-Term Outcomes of Mother-Son Abuse

Due to the refusal of boys and men to seek help or press charges against mothers who abuse them, it is nearly impossible to determine the prevalence of sexual abuse committed by mothers. However, a few studies offer surprising results and indicate the problem is more widespread than most people would assume.

For example, one study that conducted in-depth interviews of seven men and seven women who reported sexual abuse by a female perpetrator, most of whom experienced severe sexual abuse by their mothers, found a range of long-term damaging effects. Victims reported and/or experienced depression, difficulties with substance abuse, self-injury, increased suicide rate, rage, strained relationships with women, identity issues, and discomfort with sex (Denov, 2004).

Another study conducted in 2002 found that 17 of 67 men who endured sexual abuse during childhood reported mother-son incest. The study found in comparison to the other men in the study, the men who were abused by their mothers experienced more symptoms of trauma. Further, about half of the men abused by their mothers had mixed feelings regarding the abuse, and those with mixed feelings had more adjustment problems compared to men who had purely negative feelings toward the abuse (Kelly, Wood, Gonzalez, MacDonald, & Waterman, 2002).

Lucetta Thomas reported that after her story of mother-son sexual abuse aired on ABC 80, males accessed the online survey over the next two days to report maternal abuse and requested to be interviewed. It must be understood that this type of abuse is possible, does happen, and can do extraordinary damage to its victims.

When we examine outcomes of victims of any type of incest, we find this type of abuse is related to issues around relational trauma and betrayal trauma. Abuse by a trusted family member leads to a significant loss of trust and changes in beliefs around the self and safety in relationships (Kluft, 2011). Understandably, when the perpetrator is a mother, the trauma is likely to carry a particularly high level of damage, especially in light of the cultural perceptions of mothers as nurturers. Furthermore, the implications of reporting abuse of this nature can be catastrophic for the victim, the mother, and the entire family. In many cases, this leaves the victim feeling as if he has no choice but to deal with the trauma in silence.

What Professionals Need to Know

Professionals, particularly those working with sexual abuse cases, need to examine their own perceptions around women as potential abusers. It must be understood that this type of abuse is possible, does happen, and can do extraordinary damage to its victims. In general, many people have been under the impression that a woman cannot really harm another person sexually. This is not the case. As new research surfaces, we are finding that sexual abuse from mother to son can bring lasting trauma and long-term mental health effects (Denov, 2004).

Further, men and boys are much less likely to report sexual abuse (Holmes, Offen, & Waller, 1997). Researchers have put forth the possibility that attitudes and beliefs among mental health professionals in myths regarding the male as an unlikely victim do not create conditions that encourage men or boys to talk about sexual abuse. Professionals need to be aware of the reality of mother-son sexual abuse as well as the existence of the myths surrounding the male as unlikely to be vulnerable to sexual abuse and especially unlikely to be the victim of abuse by his own mother.

If you are a victim of any type of sexual abuse or assault, reach out to a therapist. There is no need to suffer in silence when help is available. If you are a victim of mother-son incest, clearly articulate your experiences to your therapist. The shame is not yours.


  1. Denov, M. S. (2004, October 1). The long-term effects of child sexual abuse by female perpetrators: A qualitative study of male and female victims. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 19(10), 1,137-1,156. doi: 10.1177/0886260504269093
  2. Friedersdorf, C. (2016, November 28). The understudied female sexual predator. The Atlantic. Retrieved from
  3. Holmes, G. R., Offen, L., & Waller, G. (1997). See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil: Why do relatively few male victims of childhood sexual abuse receive help for abuse-related issues in adulthood?. Clinical Psychology Review, 17(1), 69-88. Retrieved from
  4. Kelly, R. J., Wood, J. J., Gonzalez, L. S., MacDonald, V., & Waterman, J. (2002). Effects of mother-son incest and positive perceptions of sexual abuse experiences on the psychosocial adjustment of clinic-referred men. Child Abuse & Neglect, 26(4), 425-441. Retrieved from
  5. Kluft, R. P. (2011, January 12). Ramifications of incest. Psychiatric Times, 27(12). Retrieved from
  6. Osborne, T. (2015, August 7). New research sheds light on sex abuse committed by mothers against their sons. ABC News. Retrieved from

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The preceding article was solely written by the author named above. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by Questions or concerns about the preceding article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment below.

  • Leave a Comment
  • Michael

    October 19th, 2019 at 9:36 AM

    Thank you for writing this post. I am a victim of mother-son incest. I am 39 and have always had generalize anxiety and moderate depression. Also have addiction issues with alcohol, cannabis and pornography. Only 3 years ago did I remember the molest I experienced at the hands of my mother until age 8. Thank you for addressing this issue. I’m slowly but surely healing. I confronted my mother about the abuse but she just sobbed and wouldn’t discuss it. Admittance thru silence.

  • Baboon2

    October 20th, 2019 at 5:00 PM

    Dear Michael,I am happy to learn that you are recovering and please accept my best wishes.
    Incestuous rape is never acceptable and consensual incest between two adults,odd as it does feel to us,should not be judged by others.That’s how I would put it.Though I will never indulge in it nor will I ever condone it,consensual adult incest is somebody else’s business.
    Your mother sobbed -which means she realized she did something wrong and I feel that you should forgive her.There must have been some issues with her that prompted her to do what she did.I will be happy if you both emerge stronger out of this phase and get over it fast.Forgiving oneself as well as the other is the best way to get over it.Best luck.

  • James

    May 19th, 2020 at 10:35 AM

    Glad I stumbled upon this article… Very interesting and reassuring. “lasting trauma and long-term mental health effects” Yes, very much so. Four years in therapy as a teenager, another year and a half when I was 27, a history of under-achieving, low self esteem, generalised anxiety and five failed relationships bought about by some serious self conflict over gender issues and a lifetime of crossdressing.
    I have forgiven my mother, she had severe PND and ongoing mental health problems herself, so maybe a degree of diminished responsibility. I am in control now, after 45 years have passed… But some days… It’s STILL difficult to get out of bed and face the day.

    Thank you.

  • Gregory

    June 2nd, 2020 at 12:26 PM

    Thank you for writing this very deficient topic of mother -son incessantly. I’m 62 years old and finally remembered the terrible pain I experienced from my mom molested me as a 3 oe 4 year old boy. I had been praying for weeks asking God why my heart was in som much pain, then He said to me ‘your mom molested you, when you were a little boy.’ As He said.these words to me i experienced ALL the pain she cause me all over again. It was awful Now I’ve been on these journey of forgiveness and healing in my life.

  • Claude

    August 14th, 2020 at 2:26 PM

    Thank you for that article!
    It’s so accurate!
    I ‘m 62, survivor of maternal incestl, ive in Montréal. What I suffer the most is the lack of social acknowledging of that reality.
    The social or community resonance is so indispensable in the path of recovery!!!!
    Thank you so much!!!

  • Mark

    August 30th, 2020 at 1:32 PM

    I’m 42 and just now dealing with the sexual abuse I endured from my mother. She did so much more than that, but the sexual abuse seemed to somehow file away in the recesses of my mind until the last several months. I have extreme anxiety and depression. It looks like I may have found a therapist now to help me sort out this hot mess. I dread my first appointment. To have to talk about it, out loud, to another person freaks me out and brings on the panic. But here goes I guess.

  • BP

    August 1st, 2023 at 2:08 PM

    How can the son be said to “have been abused” when, involved in sexual relationship? Because he’s male, he must be enjoying it, must he not?

  • Jay

    February 4th, 2021 at 6:12 AM

    I’m 27 years old, my mother is 49, we have been in a sexual relationship since u was 15, its loving intense and regardless of the taboo nature of it, I wouldn’t have it any other way. The way she makes me feel, well, no one could ever know or understand….

  • James

    February 5th, 2021 at 11:18 PM

    Jay, I have some words to share. Please [Jay and everybody} take them in the friendly concerned manner in which they are intended.
    While I, an outsider, don’t know and therefore can’t understand you maternal relationship, I feel that maybe in your apparently consensual relationship, the dynamics and emotions are different to those of us who were either coerced (tricked) or forced into sexual relationships with out mothers. You say that you have been in this relationship since you were 15 years old ? to my mind then (forgive me if I am wrong) you haven’t had any other long term intimate relationships OR… Those you have had will be held up for close scrutiny and comparison by yourself and possibly your mother. So are those non incest relationships flawed, and doomed to failure from the outset ? You say “The way she makes me feel, well, no one could ever know or understand” Well Jay, maybe just maybe, no one else has ever been given a fair chance to make you feel that way ?
    You tell us you’re 27, and have been in this relationship for 15 years, do you believe, deep down, that at 12 years old you were emotionally ready to be in this relationship ? and that an adult some 22 years your senor had any right to enter into a relationship with you either with or without consent ? My fear is you have been coerced, misled or in some other way hoodwinked into a relationship by someone who is very good at control games, or holds some negative power over you (uses shame or guilt to coerce you) and this is someone who was prepared to enter into a sexual relationship with her 12 year old son ?
    Finally Jay, I ask, do you think your mother was emotionally stable 15 years ago ? A grown woman forming an intimate relationship with a child is surely someone who has issues of her own ?

  • John

    June 10th, 2021 at 8:43 AM

    Thanks for writing this article. It is very true. My mom came after me sexually around age ten when she could tell that I was in puberty. She kept telling me things like, all mothers do this for their sons and other things like that to placate me. This went on for several years. The end result was not only depression but also becoming highly sexualized which has led to enjoying mom/son porn plus going to strip clubs and massage parlors for those women remind me of my mom. I’ve been in therapy for years and my therapists says much more mom/son incest goes on than we think.

  • RJaydan

    June 13th, 2021 at 12:11 AM

    Hi, Jay.
    I have known cases of mother-son incest and four of these were promoted by very unfortunate circumstances.I wouldn’t call them consensual incest nor abuse as they continued later and were happy or at least satisfied with it.
    Only one case was totally consensual and was due to almost mutual physical attraction.
    As long as all these were happy , who are we to judge?

  • Mike

    July 8th, 2021 at 8:39 PM

    I was abused by my Mother directly at an early age and more indirectly through my teen years. Early memories of my Mother touching my genitals were repressed. Therapy uncovered these horrific memories. When I was a teen, my Mother had me massage her legs and thighs, making sexual sounds as I was supposedly relieving arthritic pain. I am 67, and have suffered with panic disorder, eating and substance abuse issues. My second wife is loving and caring, but I find it hard to trust any woman, and feel like it is me against the world. My sex life has been a disaster. I have given up on thriving, and embrace that I am surviving.

  • James

    July 10th, 2021 at 6:44 AM

    Mike… You say your sex life has been a disaster… I feel your pain my friend. My sex life and the gender role presentation therein have been an unmitigated nightmare for 30 years or more. You are not alone.
    I am now, finally in a stable and good relationship, at last married but at what cost ? I feel I am repressing m’y gender identity to conform within the relationship, it feels like I’ve had to choose love and relationship over self truth and gender… A small price to pay ? I don’t know.
    For now at least, it’s working.

  • Anonymous

    August 2nd, 2021 at 8:08 PM

    I would just like to come on here and say that I am a mother of a young 6 year old boy and I would never in a million lifetimes touch my son inappropriately or take advantage of his PURITY. This is coming from a MOTHER. YOUR MOTHERS SHOULD NOT HAVE HAD ANY TYPE OF SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU ALL PERIOD POINT BLANK. Sexual trauma impacts the human mind, body and the effects of that sometimes is not seen until later years. It is hard to look at the actions of your mother and decipher between what is MORALLY right and wrong when you have no other BLUEPRINT to go off of. If you have any sexual memories from a parent I advise you to seek assistance. You are not alone and you will not be judged. There are people here for you that will help you heal and process your abuse. I send all of you men much healing and may God heal your pain.

  • Charles

    September 15th, 2021 at 2:15 PM

    My story is a little different than the rest of you; My mom and I, we began our intimate relationship when I was 15 y/o; but like everyone else in this forum; my case is different. because; I was the one who seduced her…
    My mom was married to the same man for 17 years; but, was never able to conceive a child of her own, due to a malformation of her reproductive organs . She did try other forms of conception; but, unfortunately everything failed for her…. After five years of marriage they did adopted me. I was two months old at the time; however I am from a different ethnic background than theirs and that is what make us different; but attracted to each other , she is white German/Slavic and I am Spanish/Latino and we are absolutely not blood related…
    Their marriage lasted for ten years, but; my mom divorced him, after finding out that my dad was in reality a bisexual man living a double life style. She discovered that he was having a secret relationship with another woman and a man at the same time; while he was married to my mom.. That was the last straw that broke the marriage, and for more than seven years, my mom was all alone dealing with me.
    Our emotional intimate relationship began one night, when I did hear sobbing in her room. she was already in bed, when I came in into
    her room.. I hugged her tight to console her emotional pain without knowing why was she crying … That was when she told me the whole story about my dad and why she divorced him. I was totally shocked when I learned the whole thing and that my dad had contacted her to inform her that he had contracted AIDS and that he was about to die.. We, visited him while he was in the hospital, he die shortly after our last visit. but we did not attended his funeral or burial.
    That night was the beginning of our relationship, it was emotional first; but, it progressed into sexual shortly after.
    I have to confess, that I always have been infatuated with my mom’s beauty. Since my childhood, I always wanted her in a romantic way.
    And now we are practically married. She is the life of my life and the inspiration of my music…. And we don’t want it any other way..

  • RPD

    October 30th, 2021 at 5:52 PM


  • Bob

    December 5th, 2021 at 9:02 AM

    I was about 14-15 when it started. Mom and I were hime alone and I was sick with an ear infection. At bedtime, she asked me if I would like to sleep in her bed with her…it was a strange thing to ask, but I did. I drifted off to sleep just before came to bed…but became aware that my private had been touched. I was wide awake after that and shifted around to lie on my back. Then, she placed her hand directly on my genitals, let it linger there for several moments, then patted me…suddenly, she got up, and started to pray a rosary! I had never thought of her sexually before, but from that moment, I became obsessed with trying to replicate the incident again…in other words, to get her to touch me. My efforts became more overt over time, and were paired with other behaviors: spying in her in the bath… Now, at 58 years old, I am still haunted by it all… I feel tremendous guilt over trying to seduce her, but still am drawn to pornography that depicts our activities…. It has impacted every relationship I have ever had. My guilt is coupled with my adult reaction to it: that she was the adult, and should have put a stop to it…so i resent her for it (though I have forgiven her), and wish that I could confront her over it…she is 91 years old now, and the likelihood of healing is remote..I have to believe she suffers guilt over it too…

  • Aaron

    December 24th, 2021 at 5:10 PM

    Talk to Jesus the One who forgives and wipes out the entire guilt within. He loves and cares for the world, that’s why He died on the cross to bear the sins and guilt of the world. Jesus the Son of God loves and cares for you.

  • Bryan

    December 25th, 2021 at 9:49 AM

    I am 55 and I had a 40 yr long relationship with my mother. She passed away in 2019. For a majority of that time we lived in Boston. 31 of those years we were involved in a very passionate relationship. I’m only just now beginning to process my life with a very wonderful therapist. I’ve dealt with sex addiction since I was in my early teens. What I thought was normal behavior has had a lasting impact on my life. But to say that my relationship with my mother was wrong is, well, wrong. From the time I was 14, until, she moved back to Kansas City in 2015, our relationship was wonderful. The real problem relationship in my life was my 7 year one I had with another sex addict. My mother was fine with me dating other women. But the relationship with a woman who was more or less my partner in crime was the real problem relationship. During that time I had sex with hundreds, if not thousands of men in porn theaters, rest areas, etc. with my exe right next to me doing the same. After three years in that relationship, while my mom was back in Kansas city dealing with my grandfathers estate after he died, I told her about my relationship with my mother. She exploded with anger and disgust. But a week later she was back with me. She needed me in her life. My ex and my mother never really became close, but they did allow each other their lives with me. Two years after my motherland death, I’m now dealing with the incredibly complicated and terribly difficult emotional fallout. It’s very hard to confront everything, but mainly because I read articles like this that ignore something that wasn’t abuse. Yes, there is terrible abuse! And I fully understand my situation is different. Or maybe it’s not. Ultimately, we make our decisions in life. I made mine and it involved an intimate, loving sexual relationship with my mother. At no time did I ever feel like I was trapped or being taken advantage of. I wanted what I had. I challenge you to find a relationship that had more live than mine with my mother. I am the successful man who I have become because of her.

  • Jay

    February 27th, 2022 at 9:27 PM

    I think that mother/son incest is way more insidious than anyone wants to admit. You already said that the reporting of it is way low because men do not want to do it (“let’s just keep this as our little secret”). Mothers are nest builders. Collective Motherhood learned a long time ago that an invisible target is no target at all. The son becomes the front man, the fall guy (The Patriarchy myth) who stands in front of mother and takes the bullet for her, while the mother stands behind the son (to be made invisible) and whispers her directives in his ear. War is how humans get nesting territory, and Collective Motherhood has two main social tools to carry it out successfully. The first is to tweak the testosterone levels in their young men unnaturally high, so that they become killers of men. This can be done either through overt or covert incest, because both get similar results in the young male. The second is to instill in the young male mind the idea that if you die in battle, you will go to a place (like Valhalla) where you will be wecomed into the Hero’s Hall, where the venison drips sweetly on the hot spit, and the mead flows like rivers forever (you get the idea–any form of Heaven). This is so he will take no thought to his own survival, which otherwise is completely normal and healthy. These two social tools will go a long way to ensuring the success of acquiring and defending Collective Motherhood’s nesting territory. Here’s where I stand on all of this: I hate war, I hate mothers turning their sons into ball-busters by fucking them, and I hate mothers lying about the existence of a spirit world (which does not exist) in order to abuse men in the worst way possible by mass murdering them. Let’s get up the guts to expose Collective Motherhood so we can begin to construct a better way of having our species survive.

  • James

    March 1st, 2022 at 4:17 AM

    I can’t help thinking you need help with more issues than just incest, there seems to be a strong feeling of hate here, to the point of my suspecting you of being an incel.
    I’m sorry if I’m wrong, indeed I hope I AM wrong, but there’s a LOT of anger in your post.

  • Jay

    March 2nd, 2022 at 4:33 PM

    James, thank you so much for responding to my first comment. I think that you thinking I’m an incel is probably missing the point. In the first place, I’m not a victim of mother/son incest (either covert or overt). My oldest brother certainly was. In the second place, I’m a 68 year old divorcee who got divorced in 1990 after a 12 year marriage, and never looked back. Thirdly, what motivates me is the pursuit of how to stop wars. My father was my favorite parent, so that I was closest to him. He had kept a journal during his time in WW2 when he was assigned to a fleet of Liberty ships carrying supplies to Russia through the North Atlantic where there was Nazi submarine warfare. He watched helplessly as entire shiploads of his comrads were torpedoes and sank beneath icy waves to their tragic deaths. He made a gross understatement when he wrote, “It was enough to get on your nerves.” So no, this is not just my personal problem. And yes, I should be angry about entire groups being mass murdered, if indeed it is unjustified, as I believe it is. There must be a better way to conduct the business of life. But the first order of pursuit into this matter is discovering which group of people are responsible. What a shocker that it turns out to be the same group of people who have traditionally been our main caregivers when we were growing up. But life can be very ugly. The best way to address and hopefully change some of those ugly things is to have the guts to say something. Remember the slogan, “See something, say something.” Yeh, that’s what starts the ball rolling toward change.

  • Jay S.

    March 3rd, 2022 at 2:32 PM

    When I first saw this blog, “The Untold Impact of Mother-Son Incest,” I immediately responded to it without reading the other comments. I have just now read the others, and I noticed there was another Jay who commented. Since it is only our first names that are printed, I feel like I need to explain that I am not him. My name is Jay S., and I have been looking into the matter of mother-son incest for decades. One movie that I have run across is the French director Louis Malle’s film, “Murmur of the Heart” (1971). It is billed as a coming-of-age movie. The 15 year old son is assaulted by his mother. After this, he becomes a boundary-violating territory conqueror. And at the end of the movie, his family gets together to celebrate him coming out of his shell and becoming a socially acceptable, powerful young man. I want to emphasize “socially acceptable.” I call this relationship “Mother & Son, Inc.” Think of the Empress Mother Helen and her son the Emperor Constantine, sitting on their thrones right beside one another. Dr. Carl Jung wrote about “The Marriage of Mother and Son” as an architypal entity. I hope no one would try to make this relationship as analogous to Father-Daughter incest. The dynamics are totally different. Dr. Patricia Love, in her book, “The Emotional Incest Syndrome,” wrote about this son as being the mother’s “chosen” one. He only swells up with pride to be given the title “King Consort.” He wears his “Mother F*$%” label like a badge of honor. Then there’s the sociology book The Material Child that does a cross-cultural comparison of the Japanese and American cultures, and says that mother-son incest seems to be very rare because of the low reporting incidents. Wow, are they ever missing it (and maybe on purpose!). The Chose Son guards his mother’s secret with his life. But I’m not trying to suggest that we accept son assaulters as being OK. Remember the mass murdering that I’ve already talked about. That comes as a result of the business of Mother & Son, Inc., which has ruled the world for a very long time. We should pursue its demise. May the force be with you, so to speak. ;-)

  • James

    March 5th, 2022 at 3:19 AM

    Sorry seems I misinterpreted your post to a degree, it’s never easy to get inflection and tone from written words.. Especially on this emotive subject (my own feelings show through in my responses). No offence meant or taken, and I do hope you feel the same – James

  • Jay

    March 19th, 2022 at 5:54 AM

    I found Charles’s account very interesting as it wasn’t real incest.He isn’t genetically related to her.
    Despite his very young age, he comforted her and that reflects his maturity.That she responded emotionally as well as sexually was a bit surprising.She probably needed some intimacy and there was a mutual attraction.Sex ,with the plethora of feel good chemicals that flood our brains during orgasm, is a very good antidote to depression.And this wasn’t an exploitative relationship either.
    Charles and his mom are lucky.Best luck to them.

  • Jay

    March 19th, 2022 at 5:58 AM

    It’s very rare to have a genuine and happy incestuous relationship on any forum as people would like to keep it between themselves.
    As stated earlier, I stumbled upon some real life incest cases quite by accident and most were happy.

  • Tohnnie

    April 12th, 2022 at 12:18 AM

    This is a highly controversial topic, which severely contaminates the sanctity motherhood. Furthermore, I am also distressed by the accounts of this “mutual attraction” between a male, at age, and his own biological mother. It is a an event too sordid to contemplate.

  • James

    April 12th, 2022 at 10:30 AM

    Hi Tohnnie…
    Thanks for your input, an interesting point of view leading me to question the so called sanctity of motherhood. For me, for many like me, motherhood is not something I can take to be sacred or saintly. There are 7bn people on the earth, on average half of them are women… not all of them are going to be good people, balanced people or people who fit into any one other persons world view of right or wrong.
    You speak of mutual attraction… Well maybe to you this would feel sordid, but to me, maybe not. Maybe you read my case, which is posted above, maybe you misunderstood how and why I ended up in a [consenting] sexual relationship with my mother ? It wasn;t a deliberate act, nor was it the work of one party over the other… These things just happen sometimes, right or wrong… And as time passses we regret them yes, but I can NOT bring myself to find it sordid or distressing.
    Lastly, if you yourself find such things distressing, I have to wonder how you came to be reading and posting in this forum ?

  • Jack

    May 26th, 2022 at 10:41 PM

    I have never had sex with my mother and she never molested me in any way. But I have fantasied about her for 40 years, and its gotten to the point where I cannot achieve sexual satisfaction any other way. I will never understand this.

  • Robert

    June 5th, 2022 at 1:10 PM

    Firstly I have not had an incestial relationship with my mother.
    I would suggest that the problems as evidenced in comments here are the result of societal standards of morality which are predominately man made laws. Not that long ago same sex marriages were prohibited in every State. Today same sex marriages are permitted in every state.
    I certainly agree with the preventing incestual conception for the obvious genetic reasons. However as regards to knowledge and learning about sex is it indeed better to have puberty aged children to learn about a very normal human activity and sex from prostitutes and strangers than from parents?
    As one comment posted about being adopted and thus the sexual activity between he and his step parent was not incestual. It is indeed a crazy mixed up world!

  • Jeff

    June 12th, 2022 at 3:54 PM

    I think if it is a consensual relationship and the son is sexually mature it can be a beautiful thing. Men and daughters no way. I never had relations with my mother,but had relations with other women. We role played mother/son. It began when I was 11 and they were in there40’s. It wasn’t molestation because I was the initiator.

  • James

    June 13th, 2022 at 11:52 AM

    Interesting I think, that I, and others, yourself included seem to find M/S incest more acceptable in some way than F/D incest, where to my mind, objectively, if both scenarios are fully consenting (rightly or wrongly) there is limited difference.
    I also find it interesting that you feel that with you as the initiator, that no molestation was committed when surely, any mother as a functioning adult, should know to resist the son if and when he initiates intimate emotional, physical or sexual relations. I too was an initiator on occasion, but I feel that it was indeed molestation by willful neglect (of her maternal parental and adult duty to me, the child, regardless of age).
    Thoughts please everyone ?

  • Kris

    October 6th, 2022 at 6:39 AM

    The men I know and have known who were in sexual relationships with their mothers were depressed and guilt-ridden. A case in current point is one of my colleagues, 38 years of age, who to my knowledge has only ever had a relationship with his mother, whom he adores. He always speaks glowingly of her, however, it is apparent that something is wrong. He is very moody, maintains addictive behaviors and neglects himself. He seems “stunted” – never got a driver´s license, is extremely taciturn, at times very social and interested and giving, and then suddenly will become sarcastic, nit-picky and anti-social. At the beginning of 2020 he excitedly told me that he was going to treat his mother to a trip to Holland, because she loves flowers and then to Spain for sun before returning to Germany. And then covid hit and he has not been back to see his mother (in Russia) since then. To me, he seems an emotional wreck but he is very defensive and I would never broach the topic of incest with him but I do feel that he was a victim as a child (his father left when he was very young) and his mother never saw fit to find a partner her own age but has been using him conveniently ever since then. I agree with Tohnnie: this man´s life is for all intents and purposes destroyed.

  • Ren

    March 10th, 2023 at 1:09 PM

    This is an interesting topic. I expected there to be a lot more anger and personal attacks due to the very touchy subject, but I see people expressing views on both sides and not attacking each other but trying to understand, I think. Anyways I just want to bring up an idea in regard to what @kris said, the comment before mine. The person you speak of sounds a lot like me, but I have never had incest, have been abused, or have been in any relationship. I’m in my 30s but I finally understand why I am the way I am. It’s mostly due to heavy introversion and just being a strange person. People like me look depressed, aloof, unsociable, and mentally ill to most people because we have decided that we just can’t be understood by others and don’t behave around others like more extroverted people do (the majority). It’s not that we have a problem with who we personally are, but that we don’t feel accepted in this world and don’t feel like we belong. People who have something in their lives that alienates them from most of the rest of society choose to hide and keep secrets, which makes it hard to make relationships with other people. It’s like someone addicted to drugs – maybe it’s bad enough that the drugs they take might eventually kill them, but what’s worse is if they feel like they have to hide that problem because society will see them as human garbage (and in fact, such people are mostly treated like human garbage). Who knows if you’re right that he has an incestuous relationship, whither it’s positive or negative, or even if he was abused as a child, but if that is the case, then the shame he feels due to social pressures makes it even worse. I think a lot of people assume that anyone with a fixation with their mother will turn out to be like Norman Bates, but that’s part of the problem when people are demonized for having something strange in common with a famous movie serial killer, like “Does this man love his mother a little too much? Maybe there’s some dark secret behind this!”, or maybe the boring truth is that he just really loves his mother a lot and really wouldn’t even hurt a fly and that’s all there is to it.

    I’m not going to argue if incest should be acceptable or not. What I will say in regards to blood incest is this – I hope none of you with the positive stories ever even tried to conceive children. No innocent child deserves to come into this world with a high risk of suffering just to satisfy anyone’s desires. If you really want to do have a sexual relationship with a relative, get surgery to make sure 100% you won’t make that mistake, as even pills and condoms wouldn’t be enough to be 100% sure. After all, that’s where the biggest factual problem with incest lies – genetic issues with offspring. But we live in a scientifically advanced world now where that doesn’t have to be a problem. But if you choose to live a life of incest, you should give up your right to conceive biological children together. Also, it’s also not right for a person with power over another person to abuse that power by being controlling and manipulative to satisfy their own selfish desires, but that’s an issue that doesn’t only apply to incest relationships.

  • Ren

    March 10th, 2023 at 1:20 PM

    Oh, and just to be clear, I don’t condone breaking laws. If you live in a just society, then if a law is unjust it should be changed, not broken. People who may commit consensual incest have to deal with the mental issues between themselves, issues between themselves their offspring, issues between themselves and other relatives or potential future partners, issues between themselves and society, and potential issues themselves and the law (I guess it depends on where you live on this world). It’s a really messy business and I don’t envy anyone who finds themselves in it.

  • James

    March 18th, 2023 at 12:21 PM

    Another tough day in the UK…’Mothering Sunday’ (Mothers day), trying to explain to my daughter why I never buy a gift or card for my mother. Society has pressured so many people into conformity on this and other issues involving the unreasonable adoration of all mothers.

  • Si

    August 4th, 2023 at 7:41 PM

    For so many years I thought it was just me. I was abused by my gran and mum but never told anyone, what’s the point, I’m male, males are always seen as the abusers, how could I possibly be a victim? I am very very lucky I’ve always been very strong mentally but found relationships so hard, I didn’t even really want to talk to girls or anyone, I was happy in my own company randomly walking around for hours just listening to music. Who could I tell? Nobody. My family were quite old fashioned and religious, they would never believe me so I joined the army to get away from it all. That is where I met my wife who has been my one and only love in my whole life. In 2025 we celebrate 30 years of marriage (!) and still to this day i have never told her or anyone else as I’m still convinced I will be seen as the perpetrator not the victim. This post has been amazing to read and the comments. There are lots and lots and lots focused on women being abused by relations but next to none on men. I started looking for posts or similar recently which I’ve never done before because my dad passed away suddenly recently and that’s when I got thinking, what happened to me isn’t right. I can’t do anything though as my mum and gran have both now passed away but for me those horrid memories remain, my only comfort is that they are gone. I don’t visit their graves, i don’t feel on Mothers Day, nothing. I do have a lovely stepmum via my wife’s dad who is exactly how i feel i wished my mum should have been to me, genuine, caring and ready to listen. I always do everything I can to protect whoever I can if it means they don’t go through what I did, I have two sons and so so proud of them. I just wanted to share this as reading the posts I finally realised after 40+ years that I am not the only male victim of incest! Thank you all, stay strong and feel proud you were all brave enough to admit you are / were a victim of the grossest crime.

  • Gabriel

    September 6th, 2023 at 5:37 PM

    Thanks for this really great web page. I provide therapy and consultation for people who have been abused by a female caregiver.

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