What It’s Like Inside a Depressed Person’s Head

GoodTherapy | What It's Like Inside a Depressed Person's HeadWhile not everyone’s experience is the same, when people have a major depressive episode, generally the world looks, feels, and is understood completely differently than before and after the episode. During a major depressive episode, the world can literally seem like a dark place. What was beautiful may look ugly, flat, or even sinister. The depressed person may believe loved ones, even their own children, are better off without them. Nothing seems comforting, pleasurable, or worth living for. There’s no apparent hope for things ever feeling better, and history is rewritten and experienced as confirmation that everything has always been miserable, and always will be.

When this reality shift happens, it’s difficult to remember or believe what seemed normal before the episode. What the person believes during the episode seems absolutely real, and anything that conflicts with it is as unbelievable as a memory or message telling him or her that the sky is purple. For example, if the person is unable to feel love for a spouse, and someone reminds the person that he or she used to feel that love, the person may firmly believe he or she had been pretending to himself/herself and others—though at the time he or she really felt it. The person can’t remember feeling the love, and can’t feel it during the episode, and thus concludes he or she never felt it. The same process happens with happiness and pleasure. Attempts to tell the person that he or she used to be happy, and will feel happy again, can cause the person to feel more misunderstood and isolated because he or she is convinced it’s not true.

What was challenging feels overwhelming; what was sad feels unbearable; what felt joyful feels pleasureless.

Even if nothing was wrong before the episode, everything seems wrong when it descends. Suddenly, no one seems loving or lovable. Everything is irritating. Work is boring and unbearable. Any activity takes many times more effort, as if every movement requires displacing quicksand to make it. What was challenging feels overwhelming; what was sad feels unbearable; what felt joyful feels pleasureless—or, at best, a fleeting drop of pleasure in an ocean of pain.

Major depression feels like intense pain that can’t be identified in any particular part of the body. The most (normally) pleasant and comforting touch can feel painful to the point of tears. People seem far away—on the other side of a glass bubble. No one seems to understand or care, and people seem insincere. Depression is utterly isolating.

There is terrible shame about the actions depression dictates, such as not accomplishing anything or snapping at people. Everything seems meaningless, including previous accomplishments and what had given life meaning. Anything that had given the person a sense of value or self-esteem vanishes. These assets or accomplishments no longer matter, no longer seem genuine, or are overshadowed by negative self-images. Anything that ever caused the person to feel shame, guilt, or regret grows to take up most of his or her psychic space. That and being in this state causes the person to feel irredeemably unlovable, and sure everyone has abandoned or will abandon him or her.

It’s difficult to describe all of this in a way that someone who’s never experienced it can make sense of it. I can’t emphasize enough that when this happens, what I am describing is absolutely the depressed person’s reality. When people try to get the person to look on the bright side, be grateful, change his or her thoughts, or meditate, or they minimize or try to disprove the person’s reality, they are very unlikely to succeed. Instead, they and the depressed person are likely to feel frustrated and alienated from one another. I do believe cognitive therapy has an important place, but generally not in the throes of a major depressive episode.

Support for People with Depression

So what does a person whose reality has shifted in this way need? Please keep in mind that I am talking about a major depressive episode—severe depression that has lasted more than two weeks. I would take a different approach for someone with milder depression, or one that is a response to a terrible loss.

For some people in a major depression, psychotropic medication works and is the only thing that works. The same could be said for electroshock treatment, though it’s not for everyone. Many people will emerge from major depression in time, though episodes seem to make more episodes more likely, so if medication works to end the episode, it’s usually prudent to take it. Nutrition, acupuncture, and other body-based treatments as well as therapy can help without the side effects of medication.

What Loved Ones Can Do

Loved ones can gently hold and show love and commitment to the depressed person, try not to take on the person’s reality, but also not argue with him or her about it. They can also gently remind the person that depression causes his or her perspective on everything to change, and he or she is unable to think outside of depression mode at the moment. It is a time for the person to avoid making decisions, or avoid doing anything significant that requires a nondepressed perspective. If this is a repeated experience for this person, it can be helpful to discuss all of this between episodes so he or she is more prepared when caught in the quicksand.

As someone who loves a person with depression, it can be emotionally difficult or stressful at times to support that person. It can be beneficial to focus on your own needs and self-care, and to reach out for help if you need it such as seeking the support of a counselor or therapist.

© Copyright 2013 GoodTherapy.org. All rights reserved. Permission to publish granted by Cynthia W. Lubow, MS, MFT

The preceding article was solely written by the author named above. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. Questions or concerns about the preceding article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment below.

  • Leave a Comment
  • Michelle

    January 11th, 2013 at 7:30 AM

    Well said. This is the first article I’ve read that truly explains how depression affects a large number of people. This needs to replace the outdated information available in mental health clinics and doctors offices.

    Thank you.

  • hartmanzach482

    July 21st, 2017 at 10:10 PM

    I personally couldn’t have said it better not that it matters much, but i also agree with Michelle.

  • Kath

    January 11th, 2013 at 9:05 AM

    I’ve never heard of going into a depressive episode described as
    “being sucked into quicksand” before.
    That is a perfect analogy.

  • prismonic

    February 6th, 2018 at 10:23 PM

    “Being sucked into quicksand” sounds to me more like anxiety, panic or rage. I thought I had been depressed, but if that’s what it feels like, I ain’t got it.

  • Rita

    July 4th, 2018 at 12:48 AM

    Those feelings you listed are part of depression too, it is really underneath an anxiety disorder.

  • Jim

    May 9th, 2019 at 2:34 AM

    The analogy is described that way because there is little you can do about stopping it. I personally look at it as a slow decline that eventually ends with a feeling of listlessness, loneliness, sadness (profound sense of it), guilt, unloved and tired. People with this withdraw into themselves as well and give in as the sense of it is so powerful you tend to not struggle against it any longer. The physical aspects of it is crying episodes for no logical reason, drug abuse (can be OTC drugs), and suicidal thoughts or thoughts of you’d be better off not existing, the last leading to an existential crisis.

    I have been depressed for over a year. I am starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel. The messed up part is that when everyone who said I should be happy, carefree (like I use to be), I am loved, I am worth something. None of it helped. One day as a last resort I humbled myself enough to ask one being I had never asked anything of, I asked God because no one else could help. The feeling changed, people can say it is because I mentally found something to focus on and interest me once again but I still do not believe the “fake it till you make it” bull. You can’t fake happiness you either are or aren’t. But ultimately the feeling of sadness and sorrow changed to love and intrigue. What is the messed up thing is I had let society tell me God didn’t exist, I let human beings dictate something they had no right or clue about and had no more answers than the next person. The change in feeling confirmed for me at least God is real but having a pretty decent level of intelligence I got it, I spent a lot of time asking questions of God and I finally got it, but what I got was so complex that it is hard to put into words. I can describe what I figured out but it takes an advanced knowledge of classical physics, quantum physics, math, science and some history. The closest thing to what I saw was by a man named Chris Langan with his Cognitive Theoretical Model of the Universe which sums it up rather well. But as far as who God is and why we exist is we are the proof of Gods consciousness and imagination, we reside completely in the imagination of God, this opens the questions if man is created in Gods image then does it mean that reality is what you make it and perceive. Does our own imagination carry some level of tangibility to it? Personally I think if we know infinity exist then the jump to God should not be that hard as infinity is observable and is very real. So what God described of himself was actually the truth and he never lied. Mankind may have messed up the interpretation at certain points but we are the fallible ones not God.

  • confused

    June 4th, 2019 at 10:18 AM

    “Suddenly, no one seems loving or lovable. Everything is irritating. Work is boring and unbearable.” I was recently (2 weeks) dumped by a depressed bf. from loving to one day waking up and saying he doesn’t see anything substantial anymore. it’s hard not to take it personally. this was exactly how we was, i became unlovable, irritated at my love (i went through depression so i treated him as I wanted to be treated, compassion and space) but still i wasn’t doing things wrong in his head. he hates his job and mindful therapy, things he used to enjoy. He never expressed this ‘hate’ toward me, it was so left field that i’m shocked and still in disbelief. we have not contacted each other since, but i have to get my things soon cos he has to leave the apartment he is sharing with a roommate by july. and i’m dreading that. that i’ll see him and he’d act like he never gave a $%@k.

  • samson

    January 11th, 2013 at 9:50 AM

    I never imagined about depression so deeply..Often we throw around the word “depressed” quite easily but from what I have read here,most of the things we use the word for don’t even deserve it..Not every little sorrow or negative feeling is depression and I believe that should be a reason we should be happy with our lives and glad for every positive thing we have!

  • Holistic Hypnosis & Hypnotherapy - Los Angeles

    January 11th, 2013 at 3:22 PM

    This is partly due to a linguistic confusion. In everyday life people say, “I am depressed,” when they mean, “I am unhappy,” or “I am sad,” or “I am frustrated,” or all three! All of those need to have “about?” or “because” etc. added to them as an inquiry by the therapist, to clarify, elucidate and conceptualize what is transpiring. A depressed mood, where the person becomes submerged in negative feelings/perceptions is Depression with a capital D. As a reaction to mainly current events, it too can usually be converted to its component parts and resolved. Longer term Major Depression often has deep roots, and more components, which may vary greatly in my experience. Intractable long term Major Depression sometimes includes a subconscious attachment or “addiction” to this state of being as a coping mechanism, though of course no one would consciously choose such a painful process. I have in addition dealt with this as a method of subconscious self-punishment for guilty “sins.” I have come across mentions of the latter in psychological literature also.

  • Lucy

    October 27th, 2013 at 7:57 PM

    I’ve never heard anyone express the part that is the most shameful for me: that somehow the depression is so familiar now that it’s sometimes hard not to be in the dark. When it comes it’s like a blanket around me. It is the thing that feels the most hopeless, and even when I’m not way down in the pain I can’t believe I will ever change. I’ve been this way since I was 4 or 5. Always hiding the shame. I’m 50 and I still hide. As if I’m not real and the world isn’t either. Just pretend–everything.

  • Purple Dreamer

    January 11th, 2013 at 10:30 AM

    I second what Michelle said. This so clearly explains what it is like in the middle of a major depressive episode, I hope that many people read this so they can finally catch a glimpse of what it is like. The worst part? Knowing the episode will end, but not knowing when that end will come.

    Thank you for this post!

  • Ashleu

    March 31st, 2017 at 12:29 PM

    So when someone is ending their episode…does it happen over night or gradually? I am experiencing someone go through an episode for about 2-3 weeks now and everything changed just like the article says.

  • Judi

    January 11th, 2013 at 11:56 AM

    I love this. It makes us aware that there are others experiencing the same feelings. But this refers to depressive episodes which I have not usually encountered. My depression is constant with periods of relief that come from intense focus on a project or problem that needs fixing.

  • Riy

    November 20th, 2016 at 9:07 PM

    I feel and have felt as a child growing up a feeling of an outsider or not confident in anything I’d do.i dreaded going into shops or restaurants etc as my teens approached and I’d rather walk miles instead of getting a taxi or bus as I thought everyone on the bus were focused and judging me. Now I have to have someone with me when I go out or I’ll wait til it’s dark and go to an all night supermarket as it’s nearly always empty, with a hoody on. I’ve always wished to be outgoing and confident and enjoy outdoor pursuits but I can’t change the way I am and believe me I’ve tried every medication . I guess I must accept how I am but feel sad as it’s affected most of my life and now I’m 53 .thats life,(mine anyway)hope I haven’t depressed anyone reading this but theses and other mental states are more common than most people realise,thanks for listening ROY

  • tired parret

    August 8th, 2019 at 12:02 PM

    Riy you should read about aspergers online. Aspergers isn’t an official diagnosis anymore but it might help you explain why your life is the way it is. Aspergers isn’t really a disorder but rather a differently set up brain. Probably our aspie brain evolved in a pocket of humans like the neanderthals or something. However aspergers itself does not mean that you like to socialize less but rather we have evolved to socialize in a different way. And our way of socializing isn’t always accepted resulting in that we eventually lose our self esteem and get social anxiety usually in combination with depression.

  • BoP

    January 11th, 2013 at 12:20 PM

    Thanks for putting how I feel into words – it helps.

  • Edwina

    January 11th, 2013 at 1:25 PM

    Brilliant description. As a chronic sufferer I find glimpses of hope in relating to the experiences of others like this. This reinforces how real the pain is, and, that it is not our fault.
    When the grounds beneath your feet are akin to being in quicksand, all that you cared for remains elsewhere, beyond you on stable ground, along with your better senses. The “normal” view of things has no place when you are in fact, flailing (mentally) and sliding in. Its an appropriate time to start thinking the worst is going to happen…oh, that’s right…that’s exactly what we do!

  • Patrick

    January 12th, 2013 at 2:21 AM

    So true, exactly my twisted reality. I think i’ve been depressed since my early teens with episodes of “not so” depressed. I have completely isolated myself and I am thinking of suicide every day. The only reason why I cant do it is my mother for now, but im telling myself, as soon as she passes away, I’ll do it. Like the article says, I am convinced that nobody gives a F*** about me, I only bring them down from their blue and pink little clouds. I literally hate having happy people around me, they annoy me soooooooo much, and I hate people with alot of money. Even after reading the article numerous times, a real major depressed man like me, I still think like it was described in the article, IT IS stronger than you when your are in neck high. I really cant shake this, even if you’d try to beat it out of me. I am not feeling better, but thanks for trying.

  • Cynthia

    January 15th, 2013 at 1:05 AM

    I’m so glad so many feel understood by my description, because I don’t think most people understand, even if they are experiencing it, and especially if they never have. I don’t mean this to be a treatment. If you feel like this, please find a good therapist and get help. As Patrick says, it’s not something you can shake, or will away.

  • Jess

    August 13th, 2016 at 9:36 AM

    Thank you. Thank you for an article that articulates how it feels so well. Thank you. It may be years after you wrote this. But I’m swimming in this pond. I GOT better and then life threw more and more at me. I’m starting to wade back into this realm. I’m trying to not but my therapist and medication physician see it. My sleeping pills were changed in a hope to get me a better foundation.

    Thank you.

  • Karen

    August 18th, 2019 at 10:45 AM

    Thank you SO MUCH for this. My 21 year old son is in the 3rd hear of a major depressive episode. I have tried all I know how to help him, but at times he doesn’t seem to want help. He’s convinced none of the doctors he’s seen want to help him and he decides on his own when to stop medications. He tells me over and over that I just don’t understand – and he’s right. This essay was very, very helpful. I WANT to understand.
    It’s so hard to find the line between “overhelping” and keeping one’s distance. His irritability toward me and other family members is SO painful. I just want my happy-go-lucky son back.
    Sign me,
    Sad Momma

  • StephAnie

    January 16th, 2013 at 9:24 AM

    I’ve made some progress, for lack of a better term, up from when I was first diagnosed with depression. This description brings tears to my eyes because of its accuracy.

  • Clara

    January 16th, 2013 at 10:07 AM

    Wow. I have this happen to me often, have been diagnosed with major depression-but had no idea why I was thinking suicidal thoughts at certain times & not others. My best friend & I since high school have been depressed, but at times have wondered what’s wrong with everybody else!!!!! It becomes such a huge part of who you are, that you think it’s just your personality. I am totally in shock right now, realizing I’ve been have major depression episodes, yet wondering what my Psychaitrist sees in me that makes him believe I need to take anti-depressants. Is it normal that it seems worse every time it happens?? It also makes me feel like I don’t belong anywhere because almost nobody I know understands, so I feel like I’m always pretending to be someone I’m not. I always say I’m feeling great, because that’s all anyone can handle. I really wish I was just normal. Life would be so much easier…

  • Trish

    January 16th, 2013 at 1:01 PM

    I agree with all the comments, this is the best description I’ve seen. Like StephAnie, it brought tears to my eyes. It’s lethargy on steroids; hopelessness and feeling unworthy of well, anything good… The lack of drive or initiative only contributes to feeling worse as I look around and realize another day has gone by and I’ve accomplished exactly zero percent of what I wanted or planned to do. Intellectually I know it can’t last forever, but that knowledge is meaningless.
    If an episode is triggered by an event, and decisions have to be made, is it recommended to seek a different kind of help, away from typical psychological help? if you leave decisions to me, they just wont get made. is there such a thing as getting support with decisions that is more directive? If anyone has thoughts on this I would be grateful.
    Wonderful post, thank you for writing it.

  • drea

    November 15th, 2013 at 9:59 PM

    Its such a horrible dense fog to be in. Bills don’t get paid… utilities get shut off…. little things turn into big problems all necause you “don’t care” I can’t explain the extreme way in which you emotionally and physically feel so completely detached from everything. Your words hit home with me… don’t do anything and its only made worse realizing you wasted a whole day not doing it… rinse and repeat forweeks. Hardest part is that family doesn’t seem to understand and instead get angry. When I’m having a depressive episode I suddenly become the most unreliable, forgetful, flakey person on the planet.

  • Michelle

    November 4th, 2019 at 12:26 PM

    It’s really not because” you don’t care ” , it’s really because you care too much but everything is overwhelming and you can’t handle it somehow your brain shuts down and it’s a host of negative thoughts and emotions.

  • Sara

    January 16th, 2013 at 8:14 PM

    It took me 20 years to move from my 1st depressive episode to writing what it felt like. At the end of 2012, I am finally over my mother’s death in 1976. It’s baby steps for me to climb out of sadness and loss. I go to therapy, I made my own affirmations for survival, prayer, and the latest on courage. Each of them are in mini photo books. I embellished them to be uplifted and positive. I read them every day. “I have courage to step up. It is natural to me.” “Everybody, even me, is doing the best they can.” “I know who to call and I know how to get help.” These are examples of my affirmations. It bothered me when a friend would ask me how I was and I said I was depressed. She said I was bored. Then she got depression and knew it wasn’t boredom. Someday I hope to see my daughter. I think about her all the time. Great description of Depression. Thank you, Sara

  • Lisa

    January 17th, 2013 at 7:37 PM

    I have read many articles and books on depression but this piece hit home – I used to think depression was my personal agony & I would never be ‘normal’. After 18 years of medication & exercise, physchologists etc. I am coping. I have given up hoping for inner peace or happines but I am getting through each day without hoping I would die. I am thankful for that. Thanks Cynthia.

  • Jen Fletcher

    January 18th, 2013 at 3:19 PM

    The most helpful words I’ve ever read about depression.
    A priceless tool .
    I really mean it – such a help!
    “Rewriting history”really hits home & proves that one is “of unsound mind” when in the throes of depression.
    Thank you so very much for this…..

  • Betty

    January 18th, 2013 at 7:07 PM

    Yes, this is an accurate description. I have struggled with anxiety and depression for more than 50 years. Major depression paints your current and past life with dark colors. I have not always been sad and depressed, but in depression all the happy or average times seem fake. Sometimes there is a root cause for depression that is desperately repressed and denied and will make you feel that you are living a lie while just waiting to die. My life was like that until recently when I was more or less cornered by my own insights and circumstances to face some realities that I had refused to deal with my whole life. I had never acknowledged the intensity of my feelings of unworthiness and shame which began at age 6, but instead wore a “mask” of confidence and an “armor” of courage. It got me through 53 years of functioning at a fairly high level with manageable symptoms but finally it failed me when a combination of life challenges proved greater than my acting abilities/coping skills. After 28 years I retired from my job on a mental disability as well as from life. The past 13 1/2 years have amounted to scraping myself off the floor and making feeble efforts to put up with life. Sometimes a person’s life really IS tragic and that reality is too awful to take in until you know it’s almost over. I don’t know if I could have dealt with such feelings as a young person knowing a lifetime was ahead of me. But now, I know that the fact that I am 66 and still here is a testament to a battle well fought and not lost. My fears and self recriminations are gone and its okay, in fact good to be me. I turned to God in desperation and He woke my spirit up. I was able to take another look at myself with His grace, able to credit myself for refusing to give up in the face of unbearable pain, able to forgive the other people and myself for attitudes and actions that added to my burdens. Now, even though its very late in life to finally have this understanding, it would have been a total tragedy to have passed through without the peace that fills my soul today, which makes the journey meaningful. I hope some of you will consider Christ as your Healer. Medications and counseling are good, but sometimes you need a refuge that is spiritual to really have the courage to be truthful. When you open your heart with His help, love comes in and poison leaves. There is no greater resolution. God bless you all.

  • Brent

    January 29th, 2013 at 5:14 PM

    Betty, thank you for your comments. I am about where you were at age 53. I am 55. I have had some setbacks that I am having difficulty coming to terms with. I wish not to feel as I do, but I feel as though I am nearly ready to throw in the towel as you did at age 53. I am holding on and am embarrassed by my near admission of this. I wish to express my gratitude to you for your posting and your honesty. I have been seeing Stacey Wood a very kind therapist. She has tried so very hard to help me. I loose myself in my work. It is my cloaking identity, because I have lost my own. I put in a lot of free time because it gives me focus and some kind of direction. I have difficulty however on processing, now as a result of loosing my confidence due to errors in my life. I was a very happy person for nearly 50 years then the reality of who and what I really must be, was fabricated. I took the viewpoint that I was wrong and that I needed to turn off my brain because of my pride. This is where I am now. Straddling, teetering, on trying to be a good man but not prideful. I am not doing well with this journey. This effort to be a kind, real loving person without some self gratifying ego shoring up. I want to be a good man, a real man. A real real man, loving, confident, stable, one others could lean on, but I am not doing too good at getting there. Thank you for your story.

  • Juan

    February 18th, 2017 at 2:49 PM

    Did you come round Brent?

  • Sage

    July 7th, 2016 at 5:27 PM

    Thank you that was helpful and meaningful to me.

  • Jen

    January 18th, 2013 at 8:43 PM

    Quite an amazing testimony.Sixty years of pain ,repression & denial.
    Now you can at last say “It’s good to be me.”
    While I don’t share your Christian beliefs,I do agree that spiritual refuge is invaluable.

  • Dee

    January 20th, 2013 at 4:05 PM

    Never have I had the words I have used repeated back to me verbatim. (Don’t deserve, better off, too good for me, the world would be a better place, no one would care if…)Quicksand, all of it quicksand. That is the most perfect description I have ever heard, and now I don’t feel so “ab”normal. I have been suffering and this article finally turned a light on in my reality that has been trying to glow for so long. Thank you, thank you. To Patrick: I know, I know, hang in there my quicksand commrade, hang in there…..

  • Jess

    September 26th, 2015 at 8:06 AM

    I couldn’t agree more. I couldn’t help but get tears reading this. There is definitely comfort in hearing someone else put into words something you never could but absolutely feel.

  • Chari

    January 22nd, 2013 at 10:09 AM

    Amazing and insightful article.

  • Billy

    February 13th, 2013 at 6:03 PM

    I always thought this was the way everyone felt when they were unhappy. I suppose it makes a little more sense now why I had trouble believing the psychiatrist who thought this was one of the problems I had. Still, if this is how depressed people think and feel, then what is it like inside of a “normal” person’s head? It doesn’t really make much sense. For about as long as I can remember, I’ve been trying to think of some reason why anything I do matters or what value being alive has. Every day is just subsisting and perpetuating an utterly mundane existence. Therapists have asked why I feel like I do not wish to live, as if I need a reason. I’m tempted to ask them why I should continue living since they feel it is unusual for me not to desire it. In any case, so long as the effort to live and to die remain in life’s favor, I’ll keep on…living, as it were. Until I can do something about that, this sums up the subjective experience fairly well I suppose.

  • Jinx

    July 4th, 2016 at 5:51 PM

    This is exactly how I feel Billy. Existing and trying to find a reason to continue. Nothing seems worth it, there is no point. Ah to be in my head, a jail cell with no escape…

  • Rush

    September 19th, 2016 at 4:15 AM

    I completely understand you

  • jen

    February 14th, 2013 at 11:51 AM

    Yes! What IS it like inside a normal person’s head?
    What IS a “normal” person?
    DO they go into their heads ?

  • Cheyl

    April 28th, 2013 at 2:10 PM

    This is true. The best description on the way you feel I have seen. It is really hard to explain to someone who has not felt this how you think.

  • susan

    May 8th, 2013 at 8:50 AM

    very well expressed. i experienced all these but couldn’t express the feelings this well.

  • perbesh sarki

    May 17th, 2013 at 11:58 AM

    well, i was. in depresssion since my childhood and i always used to pray to god to take away from this earth.
    i was going through deep paranoid, i was having hard time to exist in this world.
    no one loved me and cared for me intead people has abused me and bulllied me, i used to cry everyday.
    Nothing was going right in my life, my esteem was going down and i had a extreMe inferiority.

    But one day i thought and. thought and i tried to learn how to be happy.
    i tried and tried, ua it was very diffilt.
    But i managed and now i m very happy in my life, although everything is not fine in my life but im surely goona make everything fine one day.
    frinds nothing is impossible you just need to work on your problems.
    if there is a will there is a way.
    And be lucky to be in depression because one day if you will be happy in your then you can experience supreme happines of life.
    thank you….

  • SWL

    June 14th, 2013 at 9:16 PM

    From my experiences depression is always a result of things like dependence, fear, trauma, selfishness, addiction and circumstances. Depressed people are in a bad spot, often of their own creation. They are the sort that have lost faith and do not dare to take risks. They never really face themselves and live within a limited range of experience since they do not allow themselves to break free. That is my personal experience with depression; depressed people do not understand that life is temporary and that they have the power to affect it.

  • drea

    November 15th, 2013 at 9:51 PM

    Bullcrap. I’m so sick of this positive thinking fixes everything mantra. I don’t choose to be depressed anymore than my uncle “chose” to get cancer.

    The LAST thing anyone suffering from major depression needs to hear is that “if you only would –think more positive etc– it would go away”

    I have family members who think like you do and it only makes it worse.

  • Chama

    December 12th, 2013 at 9:23 PM

    Exactly. I’ve had depression since I was about 12. When I was 23, I was living in my favourite city in the world, with my favourite people, and doing what I love best (illustration). I was so happy, and out of nowhere depression hit again. I did my best for 3 months, but ended up moving back with my parents and being unable to work for 2 yrs. I’m now living in the aftermath, the ruined mess of my life since I lost everything I’d worked so hard and happily for. I’m working again, but most days are a battle. I consider myself a naturally optimistic person, my depression is like a smothering shadow.

  • Jinx

    July 4th, 2016 at 5:47 PM

    If this is how u feel then it is clear u do not suffer from depression, and for that I am glad. Depression is not bc of circumstance, ppl that do not suffer do not understand. How can I make u understand that my brain does not allow me to feel happiness and joy on the same level that it allows me to feel sadness and anguish? Be thankful u can not comprehend, and judge not what others walk each day with.

  • Jo

    June 19th, 2018 at 7:16 PM

    SWL, I am on my third round of depression in the last 13 years or so. I have understood from childhood that life is temporary. Losing my mom at age 6 to breast cancer and my dad at age 8 to lung cancer taught me that about 50 years ago. Getting a second family, my Dad’s brother and his wife,taught me the value of choosing to give and being loved. I still go through depression.

  • Law

    July 5th, 2013 at 8:34 AM

    SWL, I commend you for getting to a place where you can say this. If you are truly speaking from experience, your voice deserves to be heard. Good luck

  • Cynthia Lubow, MFT

    July 5th, 2013 at 2:32 PM

    SWL, You are saying some intriguing things, and I’ve re-read your post many times. My first reaction is that it sounds like you’re blaming people for an illness they aren’t responsible for. It is certainly true that we all make choices that make illnesses more or less likely, but we rarely have control over them. Depression is such a varied experience that it can come from many sources. I think the ones you name would be helpful if you could elaborate on them, so we can make use of what you’re saying. In particular, if your view comes from personal experience, tell us more detail about your personal experience with depression resulting from “dependence, fear, trauma, selfishness, addiction and circumstances.” Similarly, what is your personal experience with never really facing yourself, living within a limited range of experience and not allowing yourself to break free? I think all of this could happen, but I think it’s a damaging over-generalization to assume any of this describes all people who experience depression. Specific examples of your own personal experience might be inspiring to others.

  • Veronica g

    September 20th, 2016 at 1:42 PM

    I think when SWL speaks of his “personal experience” with depression he is not being clear. I suspect that by his personal experience of depression what he really means to say is from his direct, personal observations – and faulty interpretations clearly – of persons in his personal sphere who are afflicted with depression, and not that he has suffered himself with depression. If I am correct his comment is ambiguous and he needs to clarify what he means by his “personal” experience of depression.

  • Heather

    July 29th, 2013 at 5:12 PM

    This is definitely the best description for me. I always say I feel like I’m in a fog. I might show this to people when they tell me they don’t understand or get frustrated. & it makes me feel better to know that its normal to get more mad or frustrated or cry more when people are just trying to understand or help me. It explains why people always act like they give up on me. When really I don’t want arguments, just my husband to calm me down, make me laugh, distract me, cuddle me, tell me its okay or whatever. Trying to reason with me (or rather, the episode) sometimes won’t work.

  • Whocares

    September 18th, 2013 at 1:27 PM

    You know how many people think that I’m bipolar just because the depression subsides for a short bit? Then when it “rains” again, they’re shocked to find my mood has changed -yet- again. No- depression was sifting around all along, in the back of my mind, entrapped in a sort of prison… until its free to wreck havoc on my mind again. Bi-polar people in my experience are generally cheerful. Too cheerful for my liking.

  • Whocares

    September 18th, 2013 at 2:15 PM

    To SWL…

    “depressed people do not understand that life is temporary and that they have the power to affect it.”

    Quite the contrary. I can’t speak for other depressed people, but there is a depression that exists due to realizing just how temporary life truly is. The non-negotiable fact about life is that it’s non-negotiable. We’re all going to die, Status is completely insignificant. Those that do find significance in the meaningless strive for self-gain are the very ones caught up in a lie. Why am I depressed? Because philosophically, existence itself is a psychopathic conception. It doesn’t matter what I think or what you think in this life. Life itself doesn’t care about anyone. The illusion is the rewards people seek. We all think we live a life deserving of some kind of reward because childhood taught us that, graduation taught us that, grandeur achievements taught us that, moving up the latter taught us that… If there is true success in this universe, very few people actually have the sanest idea as to what it is. The power to affect life is simply not to engage in any of its human-bred atrocities. I don’t disagree with depression often being due to a bad creation, however, perception is reality, and that means life is just one completely subjective free-for-all. Everybody has their own canvas with their own colors, free to paint anything in their will. People actually believe that there is a “healthy” type of individual. Healthy is yet another illusion. How do you know that those who created the idea of “mentally healthy”, weren’t also ill themselves? Something humanity cannot come to grips with is that we are -all- ill. Most wont even bother to figure out why or how. While people do have the power to affect life, that doesn’t always mean the integrity is one of good virtue. In my observations of the disgusting human race, people mainly live for themselves first and foremost. Most everyone is too busy to actually care about the meaning of anything, and so they only have time to worry about their immediate concerns. All of this nonsense contributes to a mental illness I had no choice to be part of, you know, depression. I’m isolated from much of the world because I want nothing to do with its corrupted bullshit. Everywhere I go there’s corruption, and if people aren’t “mentally ill”, they’re downright absorbed by their own oblivion. If only they weren’t so oblivious, they’d be mentally ill like the other half of the world’s population. The complete joke is on humanity.

  • Cally

    November 20th, 2013 at 4:09 AM

    @whocares.. I think you would make a fantastic writer and blogger.

  • Holly

    May 12th, 2014 at 12:13 AM

    HOLY S***!

  • Badmarie

    November 15th, 2014 at 11:14 PM

    Exactly. We live in an arbitrary, predatory universe. Where the blind dictate who is sick, and the sick see what their dictators will not.

  • BornWriter

    March 12th, 2019 at 10:53 PM

    WhoCares, that is f***ing brilliant! The most enlightening thing I’ve read that I can remember since starting this “stupid and futile gesture” towards enlightenment; this feckless search for meaning in this meaningless existence of humanity.

  • Slax

    October 5th, 2013 at 6:09 PM

    I’m so glad I found this. It perfectly describes what I went through. My teenage years were pretty rough and I often felt this way but I always thought it was because of the abuse I was suffering at the time. Then I found someone who treated me like a human being and I genuinely loved him more than I’d ever “loved” anyone before. I could no longer explain why I would have depressive episodes. I tried to get help from my GP but I don’t think she understood, or rather, I couldn’t convey my feelings properly. It got to the point where the only solution I could come up with was suicide. I almost died of a drug overdose. It took me to hit rock bottom to realize I wasn’t thinking like a normal person but I wish there was someone in my life who could have recognized that for me sooner. I’ve shared this article with my partner so that he has a better understanding and maybe will recognize the signs next time (if there ever is a next time). And if I ever go to my GP about it again I will print this out and give it to her and say “this is exactly how I feel”. I can’t imagine ever being like that again though. I honestly feel like I’m a naturally happy person and that I was not me at all during that time. It sort of suggests to me that I have no control and I could become that person again one day and not even realize it. That scares me.

  • Cheyenne

    November 14th, 2013 at 8:43 AM

    This describes me perfectly but you forget the part about how when people ask why self harm is an option for you . I have had to describe this feeling to multiple therapists (who never helped and took me off medication because I was “fine” or for me far from it). Self-harming is like making the pain inside of you real , able to see, everything melts away for a while. I was molested by my biological father when I was 7 until I was 12 years old. I became really upset my parents said I was lying and that I just wanted attention that’s when I started self harming. My biological father who just got out of jail (not even prison , lowering my self-esteem again because I think everyone thought I was lying )
    He only got 6 month. I had a few suicide attempt only one my mom knows the other ones I didn’t because I would never be able to leave my little sister with my step-dad (she is 5) I love her more than life she is the only person I care for . I was put in a mental hospital where I was locked away and all alone it felt like what was going on in my head . I got help and was clean for 9 months until last week. What made me relapse my step-dad came into my room and threw me out of bed and then picked me off the grind and threw me into the concrete wall , then last night I told him I was bisexual he grabbed my arm so hard I have bruises where his hand was . Last night was the night I wanted it all gone but then he went into my sisters room and hit her so many times because she took a necklace , she’s 5 she didn’t know better I went and woke her up and he had hurt he so much when she woke up she was still sniffling . I’m scared but to scared to tell anyone , he could get people to believe him over me . I don’t wanna leave my sister and friends but I want all my pain to end . If I don’t get help I’m going to end it .

  • April

    November 23rd, 2013 at 11:20 PM

    Cheyenne, Please get help. Please tell a school counselor or a pastor. If you have a cell phone you may document the evidence of abuse (photograph injuries, bruises) You can even use your phone’s video camera to record audio of him abusing your sister or yourself. You may want to immediately move the photos to a safe place where he wont possibly know about them (then delete them from your phone) I am so sorry you are facing this. I will be praying for you. If it continues and you feel you are in danger you should call the police. God bless you.

  • Mm

    April 10th, 2014 at 2:28 AM

    Please get help. She’s five. The help you get by telling someone will save her future too. She’s too young to have a voice. You have to be her voice. And yours. Please!!! I have a five year old and this deeply saddened me. You must be brave and save her !!!!!!!!!!

  • GT Support

    November 14th, 2013 at 9:24 AM

    Thank you for your comment, Cheyenne. We wanted to provide links to some resources that may be relevant to you here. We have more information about what to do in a crisis at https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html

    Warm regards,
    The GoodTherapy.org Team

  • Rozman

    December 2nd, 2013 at 5:53 PM

    A brilliant explanation.

    I was looking for something or someone who can explain exactly about this thing – I didn’t know how to describe the condition in words myself.

    Thank you very much, Cynthia.

  • Andrew

    December 9th, 2013 at 12:51 PM

    My girlfriend broke up with me for no reason. We were together for 4 months and everything was great. All of a sudden she wants space to get her self help. Says it’s not you it’s me and we need to simmer down. We were both crazy in love. After that she didn’t respond. A few days later I asked her if she wanted me to move on. She said yes and that she didn’t love me. How is that possible in a week. Then I text her about being supportive and I’m always here for her. This is what she writes.
    Ive come to alot of realizations while trapped in my head..i was nvr ready to b in a healthy relationship cuz parts of me r broken n beyond repair..i was in love with love n it tricked me into thinkin i loved u and needed a relationship with a man to feel whole..im sry i ever brought u into my life n involved u in my demented thoughts of love..also im recovering fine..i hope u have a great life ..love does exist just not wit me..there is something greater for u i know it just believe. I responded but heard nothing. What do I do.

  • Sunday

    December 10th, 2013 at 12:49 PM

    I’m feeling the exact same way your girlfriend does, Andrew. And that sucks I’m sorry. All I can say is give her time and if it once was true In her heart than I hope it will be again. Good luck with everything!

  • Andrew

    December 11th, 2013 at 5:09 AM

    She did say she feels like she’s drowning and can barely keep her head above water. Also she feels like she’s crawling in her skin and wants to be left alone and all she wants to do is sleep. I don’t understand how everything was perfect and 2 days later she drops this on me. She won’t answer her phone or text me. I get the feeling she doesn’t care and wants me to move on. I had a connection and so did she that we were meant to be together. We had such an intense connection.

  • evergreen

    August 30th, 2016 at 3:35 PM

    This happened to me. My boyfriend and I were deeply in love and talking about the future, then out of the blue he called me and said he wasn’t in love with me. I should have heard the clues because when I pressed him as to what happened, he only mentioned his financial troubles, inability to find a better job and his sense that there wasn’t anything for him anymore. At one point he seemed to be regretting having said it and asked me if I could ever feel for him again as I had, and I said I didn’t know if I could trust him. We hung up and it was only months later that we talked again and he said he had always loved me, but felt he needed to stop everything and clear his life. He was confused himself as if he couldn’t understand how he could have done that, like it was a different person. The breakup had made his depression deeper than ever, even though he caused it. By then I was dating someone else but I regretted that I hadn’t stuck by him and tried harder to understand. It was my own insecurity that got in the way- when he said “I don’t love you,” I believed him and was so distraught that I didn’t hear anything else. It’s hard to step outside yourself when you’re vulnerable and hurting. He had always tried to minimize his depression and anxiety (mostly the result of a devastating car accident) so it didn’t occur to me that he was acting out of that rather than a calm decision. I guess I’m saying, don’t give up yet. If you can wait a little while, your girlfriend may realize that she made a mistake. I still think about going back with him, but I’m afraid that I won’t be able to handle his depression and anxiety long term, and the financial problems that it brings with it.

  • Jan

    January 29th, 2014 at 9:37 AM

    This has happened to my partner. The relationship was so wonderful until… his father (abandonment issues) became very ill and then passed away. He spiraled. He became very distant. Then he said stuff like “I don’t feel ‘in love’ with you”, etc. Left me. Now I can barely get through. His reality is that this is how he’s been feeling. (He was taking anti-depressants when we first started dating – he’d been on them for 2.5 years – and decided to quit them cold turkey 4 months into our 9 month relationship.) Would sending an article like this be helpful? To give him that perspective? Or would it make things worse? I know there’s nothing I can do here until he gets through this, but it’s excruciating at this end.

  • AC

    February 19th, 2014 at 8:00 AM

    This is a very good descriptor of what may be going on. It at least feels very comforting for me to read, as does reading any other article on someone’s view of depression.
    Be aware that this can form a sort of addiction. Not sure if it’s bad. ‘Chasing the dragon’ of sorts to find a magic cure all answer, and you never even get to glymps its tail.
    Not that I’m at all qualified to give advice, but the term depression seems to have been appropriated by many suffering from apathy. A fatigue of resisting emotions perceived as negative or weak.
    Unaddressed these emotions can come out through inappropriate behaviour or if left left too long result in a complete lack of behaviour.
    Thanks for sticking with him through this, you probably have no idea how deeply you are appreciated.

  • Susie

    June 15th, 2014 at 8:43 AM

    Depression Fallout is a website that has really helped me. Like you Jan I am on the receiving end of the effects that depression has on loved ones. The message board is filled with people living the same things you are. In fact sometimes it feels like so one must have been a fly on the wall in my house because the things they say they have been told by their depressed significant other are exactly what I have heard. They only way to get through this is to know that you are not alone living this fallout. You have to work on yourself if you can hope to be there for your depressed partner. It is the hardest battle I have ever had to fight. And I am fighting it alone.

  • J

    February 4th, 2014 at 4:12 AM

    This article help’s understand I may be facing a depression, for how long is beyond me, my life seems to be a blank and I thought how I was, was normal. I’m finding it really hard to explain what’s going on at the moment to the professionals’ family and friends. I find it easier not to reply to calls and texts. Nonetheless telling my family every day the same things as its all I can think about in my head. This is because I’m so lost I don’t know what I’m thinking, what I’m feeling, what I’m saying, not remembering conversations and why I have done the things I have in my life. I feel like I have very limited memories or the capability to move forward. I’m not in a bad place at all and I know people come through a lot harder times then I, which makes this even harder to understand. I just can’t seem to be able to fix this or have any confidence in myself. I am seeing professionals and on medication but neither seem to offer any relief to my mental state of not knowing what to do all the time. I try to explain that I don’t seem to think about what I’m saying and words just come out my mouth and I’m told ‘well you seem to be in control’ I tell them I don’t want to do the things I used to do and don’t know why I ever did them or remember enjoying them or having any feelings. To which I’m told the information I’m sure we all receive which I am sure works for hundreds diet, exercise and socialise. However I never feel hungry just know I have to eat but never know what to eat or find much interest in food, been the gym and it offers no help. I’m not sure I have ever felt any feelings or if I ever will but I’ve got pictures of me laughing and people telling me I did used to enjoy things. I don’t feel I can move forward until I know who I am and what I want, however this seems to be tacking longer and throwing up more problems. ANY HELP sorry it’s so wordy for someone that does not have a clue what to say!!

  • admin2

    February 4th, 2014 at 11:06 AM

    Hi J,
    Thank you for your comment. If you ever feel like you are in crisis, or you are in danger of hurting yourself or others, please seek help as quickly as possible.
    You can do one of the following immediately:

      Call your local law enforcement agency (911);
      Go to the nearest hospital emergency room;
      Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 (TTY:1-800-799-4TTY)

    You can find further resources at this page: https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html

    We wish you the best!
    The GoodTherapy.org Team

  • AC

    February 19th, 2014 at 7:34 AM

    Hey there J, I know precisely how you feel or for better terms don’t feel. I’d use the word scary, but even then it’s not a tangiable fear. I’d say it feels sad, but then by this stage we don’t really feel sadness. We can admit to ourselves that we can try to make ourselves feel happy and for a time it genuinely feels good though with the foreshadowing of a return to null.
    Riddled with guilt and complexes based around being in this state and getting up and out.
    But a question just occurred to me, when was the last time you tried to feel sad.
    It’s not a magic bullet but it really feels to me that it’s a repression of sadness anger and other “negative” emotions; trying to stay on the up side Which creates very little dynamic from which to view life.
    Kind of hard to get into the swing of things when you’re only trying to swing in one direction.
    I’ll be incorporating this more often in my reflections from now.
    Really, I’d rather be bipolar than suffer this any longer.
    And to think I once viewed apathy as an endeering quality.

  • Adam

    March 23rd, 2014 at 8:54 AM

    These feeling of being unable to return phone calls and not having interest in texts or distance from family are all too common. I lost my fiancé of 10 years and we now share half time custody of our son. The culprit was my depression, I couldn’t pin point why I felt the way I did or what made me turn away from him, her, my family and especially hers… I was able to control my anxiety through alcohol and felt the source of my depression was her or her family who I always thought “never got me” or “didnt like” me… Neither of these were true. I only needed a culprit so I drew a line in the sand with the world and no matter who tried to cross it I kept them on the other side. I m finding help from equine assisted psychotherapy which I do weekly. The horses see my pain and literally open me up to the point of my purest vulnerability and for that hour I feel like I can be me and not judged by the world or trying to hide from my emotions. It’s an incredibly freeing experience that I highly recommend. Best of luck to you on your journey.

  • Ana Castellanos

    April 12th, 2014 at 8:16 PM

    Ask your Dr if maybe you need a higher dose of medication or possibly need to augment its effect with medications that are FDA approved to augment antidepressant effect

  • L

    February 5th, 2014 at 9:51 PM

    I’m extremely depressed and a grad student. I tried to make an appointment to see a counselor at my school but they only make same-day appointments, and I was turned away a few times because they were already full by the time I called. What can I do? I can’t afford anything else…any good self-help books to recommend?

  • admin2

    February 7th, 2014 at 1:29 PM

    Hello L,
    If you are experiencing a life-threatening emergency, in danger of hurting yourself or others, feeling suicidal, overwhelmed, or in crisis, it’s very important that you get immediate help! You can do one of the following immediately:

      Call your local law enforcement agency (911);
      Go to the nearest hospital emergency room;
      Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 (TTY:1-800-799-4TTY)

    You can find further resources on this page: https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html
    You can also look for a therapist on GoodTherapy.org via our Advanced Search, here: https://www.goodtherapy.org/advanced-search.html

    We wish you the best!
    The GoodTherapy.org Team

  • Emma

    May 1st, 2014 at 11:07 AM

    A good self help book I found was “Evolving self confidence, how to become free from anxiety disorders and depression” by Terry Dixon. I struggle with major depression and anxiety,panic attacks and although this book is not a cure it helps to understand why….

  • Cynthia Lubow, MFT

    February 7th, 2014 at 1:54 PM

    Wow, that sounds like a funky system. You might look for a clinic run by a grad school that trains therapists–seeing those in training is often inexpensive or free. There are lots of self-help books. If you go to my website (via my GoodTherapy.org profile), you can find mine, which has all the most effective self-help techniques I’ve collected and invented and used over my 30 years of doing psychotherapy and also healing myself.

    Don’t give up–keep reaching out until you get the relief you need!

  • carolyn

    February 7th, 2014 at 2:51 PM


  • luc

    February 16th, 2014 at 1:27 PM

    The problem w/ this and every other psychologist’s description of depression is that it’s unrealistic. Yes, that’s exactly how I feel. But when you’re depressed for years, how exactly do you go about not making any decisions?

    And I know I experienced those things before I was depressed. The problem is I don’t experience them now. Depression has altered my reality, but it’s still reality. I’ve been in therapy for years and was a guinea pig for all kinds of meds for years before that.

    I have had very good therapists, and awful ones. The psychiatrists are the worst of all.

    You need to realize that life is too difficult for your tidy solutions. My depression has ruined everything I’ve ever had, and I’ve gotten myself in horrible places financially trying to pay for “help”.

  • Nisha

    June 18th, 2016 at 11:12 PM

    Luc, I feel the same way. The worst part is trying to get help and not being heard. I think the truth is a lot of depressed people have been through something that made it hard for them to see the world the same way, and no one will listen. sometimes depression may destroy your life but it may also allow you to see the truth, to see what it is that people around you may in fact be saying or doing. It is “normal” to ignore those things and that is why so much pain and abuse are shoved under the rug, because people who care about being happy don’t care about being honest. I think in the end maybe if the human race meets its own demise it will be because of its addiction to happiness.

  • Anna

    March 4th, 2014 at 8:48 AM

    yes awesome article. the clinical description is not even close to giving you a real idea of what it’s like

  • shananah

    March 14th, 2014 at 6:18 PM

    This article articulates depression in a way i haven’t been able to. I’m hoping that I’ll be able to share it with my husband to help him realize how crippling my latest depression episode has been. I’m afraid if we aren’t able to communicate this that it will destroy any happiness we have or had a chance of haVing. Thank you for your words.

  • Darlene Denker

    March 22nd, 2014 at 6:28 PM

    I’ve been struggling with depression (and most recently, panic attacks) for over 20 years. I’ve tried almost every medication known to man and as a result, I have insomnia brought on by anxiety and sexual aide effects (trouble with orgasm). I’m wondering if anyone has experienced the same thing and if so, what have they done to help the situation?

    My boyfriend and I fight plenty because he doesn’t understand and he thinks I’m just overly sensitive. He’s always telling me that I see the glass half empty. I tell him that he should beore supportive and stop doing little things to upset me or stop with the commentary.

    I actually wish shock therapy was still around because I’d seriously give it a try at this point. I’m tired of moving from therapist to therapist and medication to medication. I feel like a freak with added side effects because of my long history of medications.

    I think I will eventually send my boyfriend a copy of this to try to help him understand. Thank you for any and all responses.

  • Ana Castellanos

    April 12th, 2014 at 8:10 PM

    There are medications for depression that have few or minimal sexual side effects, Wellbutrin is one. your psychiatrist would be able to advise if it would be appropriate for you. Orgasm is usually the problem.

    ECT is still available as outpatient treatment in many hospitals. It is very effective for some people, some memory loss is a frequent side effect, it’s usually for memory right before and approx 6 months after treatment.

  • Beverly Mason, LPC, PC

    March 22nd, 2014 at 9:43 PM

    I suggest EMDR therapy to deal with the reasons you are depressed. No amount of medication is going to help you until you find why you are feeling so bad, and work it out of your memory with EMDR. Go to EMDRIA and look for a therapist in your area. I truly hope you will do this and see a change in your life. You deserve happiness and joy.

  • Darlene Denker

    March 23rd, 2014 at 4:14 PM

    Is that like hypnosis?

  • BipolarDepression

    March 24th, 2014 at 3:51 AM

    One thing u aren’t pointing out or recognizing is that there aren’t always ‘things’ that make u depressed or need to be “wiped from your memory.” Sometimes it’s a chemical imbalance that were born with. Talking with a therapist doesn’t do anything for a chemical imbalance that’s causing your depression. I know this because I LIVE IT. The only thing that helps a little are the meds. People always want to ask “WHY” are u depressed? As if I was dealing with the death of a loved one or going thru a divorce,etc. but that’s not the case! Therapy can’t fix everyone! It drained my bank account & did NOTHING for me. Sometimes I think the more educated people are actually the biggest idiots…ugh..

  • ncola

    July 12th, 2014 at 6:10 AM

    That is what is so difficult. My boyfriend of a year has had depression for 25 years. Nothing works. Sometimes I even wonder why he takes meds since he’s still depressed? He gets barely 2 to 3 hours of sleep at night. I feel horrible for him but it’s also taken a toll on me because this is all we talk about. How can you possibly deal with feeling like this all your life and not be getting any better?

  • Nisha

    June 18th, 2016 at 11:16 PM

    Yes the more educated people are often the biggest idiots because they have lost their capacity to feel and depression is all about feelings, not thoughts.

  • kathy

    March 23rd, 2014 at 4:22 PM

    ive lived with my hole life and its very hard on me

  • MM

    April 10th, 2014 at 3:11 AM

    My boyfriend of two years became depressed a year or so ago. It was like watching him transform into a stranger before my eyes. I became helpless trying to support him.
    He stopped everything he enjoyed such as hiking,sex and socializing. I tried things like telling him he didn’t deserve it, taking care of small daily duties so he didn’t have to, read books on things to say and not to say to a DP, etc. He still abandoned me three months after a miscarriage. We had a happy strong connection.
    He stopped calling. Talking. Seeing me or anyone. For a year I would contct him every so often–sometimes with three weeks or so going by but typically two. He would admit at times that he was glad I still loved him, And would say he was afraid of losing me, miss me and would come talk to me soon. He never showed up. Time and time again. Eventually my loyalty began to hurt me. I went from loving and supportive to bitter. I got sick. Very sick. And was alone in it. I grew frustrated that he held onto me just enough to keep me loyal but never showed up for me. And although I knew it was the depression, not the real him, after a year it’s hard to not get bitter back. It’s hard to be loyal and often be seen as the enemy. He eventually alienated himself from everyone. He became a robot. Sleep (some), work, eat, sleep, eat, work. That’s his existence. He was once funny and loving and adored me.
    I grew weary and at the end I lost it. I pressured him for an answer. I was ready to either move on or stay but his unjustified uncertainty about us was deeply hurting me. I knew his depression was tearing us apart. And he got worse. He started cussing me if I called. He began to abuse me and attack my intentions saying it was a trap. It hurt deeply because I wanted to scream “a trap? This isn’t a joyride buddy. What exactly am I trapping here?” But I didn’t. I stayed. Although he had grown verbally sbusive–a man I never knew to say damn even for two years of dating him-he cussed , had rage and misdirected anger.
    The end came Saturday when I finally was exhausted by the neglect, hot cold bs (I could be his angel and a bitch in the same conversation) , and abuse. I top of all this he gave up. Said this was the new him. So sad to witness this as I was helpless to help him. I made apts for him to docs, got him on medication at the on set of it, and tried to even just get him out. Once I showed up at his work and lunch and just asked him to walk at the park. We quietly walked together. I’m not sure I did the right things but I tried. For Xmas I made a shadowbox with all his favorite things and things that made him him in it. ..drums, his daughters pic, his favorite music, pic of him running 5ks etc. I really tried.
    On Saturday I finally had had it after another three weeks of silence and waiting for him to talk to me about us and his well being. So I showed up uninvited at his home. I sent a zillion texts. I just lost it. :(
    And boy did he respond. He came over and screamed at me. Said leave him alone. (A five min call every few weeks isn’t exactly hounding him), he said I was emotionally abusing him!, he said everyone else went away and I should to, he never loved me and never would, and to shut my big f*****g mouth. He screamed my worst insecurities at me. He took all the things I had shared w him for years and hurt me w them w his words. I knew I had pressured him and I knew at the end I had become needy and panicked as he kept losing himself to darkness. I acted out of character and damn he was going to use that to blame me for it all and jet. I was very disappointed that I had stood by his crazy moments etc and he wouldn’t return the same to me in mine–especially when this situation was a driving force getting me there. He couldn’t love me through my meltdown. He ended up breaking his hand that night punching the floor. Sad. Mean. Angry. This once nice quiet man became a monster and abusive. I’m not sure if he meant the things he said to me or if it even matters anymore. He seems to have accepted this as his fate. And I’m left repairing myself now. I will always love him but clearly the damage is too much to ever repair. To have someone go from glad for you to get the f*** away from me is painful. I only can assume he said those things to push me out but it doesn’t make it hurt less. So I’m done. And I wish I had done a better job giving him space. I just did what I thought was right. I’d worry for weeks about him and would reach out. I am now according to him a stalker who wants someone who doesn’t want her. (That’s his words). Just weeks ago he was glad I loved him still. How confusing and sad. I can never go back and he made sure of it. I’m a casualty of his depression. He barely looked up as he stepped over me after knocking me down. I feel foolish. Angry. Sad. Worried exhausted. Unwanted. Unloved. Confused. Regretful. I lost my best friend, lover and a soft and kind man to this bs. I will never get over it. I hope he does. What a loss.

  • ncola

    July 12th, 2014 at 6:06 AM

    I know the anguish you are going through. I am currently being told he wants to be alone and it’s killing me. I want to move on so that I don’t become further depressed but then I feel bad for abandoning him but yet he can do it to me. I feel so lost right now.

    Would love to talk to you in private. Maybe we can help each other

  • Al

    October 29th, 2014 at 4:13 PM

    MM, take good care of yourself, feel only responsible for yourself, no matter how much you still want to save your mate or how much those abuses hurt. There is so much about depression around the web and everywhere but about the dangers to partners and loved ones surrounding the depressed. My partner was already depressed when we met, but i did not recognize that. Over the years of loyalty, trying to make it work, love… I got pretty badly depressed myself, and keep struggling… Go away, embrace Your life!

  • stacy

    April 22nd, 2017 at 9:39 AM

    So sorry to hear that u went thru this, crazy right but i would have done the same thing with a friend that i am dealing with after 30 years he told me is dealing with depression and other issues i can’t believe it because it because it comes off being just a rude and don’t give a f&^% man because i never dealt with depression so i am reading and trying to understand it when i get to see him he is sweet as hell but then its those times i don’t hear from him i will try to hang in there until i feel i can’t handle it yes i am a little crazy myself but who isn’t a little crazy and did he ever come back because i see this post is from 2014

  • Maria

    April 20th, 2014 at 3:09 AM

    @WhoCares, I think you read minds (and express their thoughts beautifully). You described my experience to the T, much better than I could dream of doing. Thank you.

  • chris

    April 27th, 2014 at 6:35 AM

    This is a hauntingly accurate description. The depth of this depression wipes out all logical thought. I can only thank you for describing this hell so well and so beautifully.

  • M

    May 2nd, 2014 at 8:04 AM

    I feel like I’ve been through this so many times now. I’ve been struggling for over ten years. I couldn’t finish high school. I haven’t been able to stick with a job for more than a couple of years. I completely wreck the people that love me. I’ll be doing great, I’ll be happy, I can breathe for a little while, and then all of the sudden, something is wrong. I’m not quite sure what it is at first so I search my life for things that could be making me feel this way. I usually end up crucifying my partner. I say things like “You don’t care”, “You don’t understand”, “Why can’t you just (care more, love me, understand, go away, shut up, leave me alone, etc.) He said something to me last night and it hit me kind of hard. I wish I could remember exactly what it was but I feel like there is this fog in my brain and sometimes I can’t even remember what I had for breakfast or why I opened up google on my web browser. Anyways, last night he said something along the lines of, “I will never do enough, be enough, be right”..something like that.. Basically, there will always be something wrong. And I will always blame it on him. Because I don’t know what else to blame it on. I’ve tried getting help, therapy, medicine, diet and exercise. I will get better for a little while and then its like someone just smacks me down. Darkness takes over my brain. What used to be something to look forward to now makes me want to hide under the covers of my bed. My thoughts are all negative and twisted. Thinking he will be better off without me, everyone would. Worthless, can’t even keep up with the laundry. Useless, can’t even find a decent job. Crazy, how could anyone love me, tolerate me, stay with me. I have torn my life apart trying to find the reason for my pain, for my unhappiness. I have wrecked people because I can’t function like a normal person, at least not for very long. I’m getting so so tired of this. I DO NOT want to kill myself, not even a little bit. I just can’t imagine the rest of my life with myself. I figure, eventually, auto pilot will just kick in. I can go on living life, not really feeling anything, which would be a welcome relief.

  • The GoodTherapy.org Team

    May 2nd, 2014 at 8:28 AM

    Thank you for your comment, M. We wanted to provide links to some resources that may be relevant to you here. We have more information about what to do in a crisis at https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html

    Warm regards,
    The GoodTherapy.org Team

  • Ali

    May 2nd, 2014 at 7:29 PM

    I was diagnosed at 15, but looking back, the depression was around way before that. I was a deep thinker as a child, and was often teased, getting anxious about death, growing older, and was overly critical of myself. People ask what I’m depressed about. Being depressed (i.e. My dog died) is NOT the same as having depression. The depression has changed and evolved with me as I’ve aged. There have been days I couldn’t work, but I manage mostly. I know they signs when an episode is coming on. I know I need medication, the same way a diabetic knows what foods to be careful of and that they need their medicine. It’s a chronic disease, and like others it needs care. I’m 30 now, married, and I have a son, who also has emotional issues, which started showing up in daycare. I don’t ask why he’s depressed, or what happened to make a child so moody; I know. He has a chemical imbalance, and I explain it to him as best I can. I just wish people would see the issue as a health issue, which it is, but people have a stigma about dealing with MENTAL HEALTH problems. It’s not all in your mind; it’s literally in your brain, and a person doesn’t just “snap out of it”. I mean, you wouldn’t tell someone having a stroke to just cut that out, right?

  • Kristina

    May 15th, 2014 at 10:46 PM

    Wow!! That’s exactly how I think of depression! I got diagnosed when I was 16 and I say the same exact thing! I hate the stigma around mental illness and that it’s just a chemical imbalance in the brain. That’s all! Thats why it was hard for me to accept I am bipolar… And that you cannot just “snap out of it!!”

  • im.a.gernade.one.day.i.will.go.off

    July 1st, 2014 at 6:22 PM

    I AM 15. I was told after filling out paper work @ the doctors that i am showing signs of depression. I knew i was struggling. I had intrusted a few close freinds with the information and i was told to snap out of it. Id like a responce from a mothers perspective…. if ur kid told u all the depression that was going through their head how would u honestly respond. My family hates many aspects of my personality and i hate how people judge me. I push myself to strive for the best but stress over loadss my life and i dont know what to do.

  • Syd

    July 13th, 2014 at 8:21 PM

    Hi, Kiddo. (15 year old.) So glad you reached out, the people on this forum seem really nice.
    hey, people you love may not know how to deal with your pain. They just may not, for whatever reason. I mean, we drive cars, and use cell phones but we wouldn’t necessarily know how to fix them. So, that said, you’re not alone, because clearly there are lots of people who feel much like you do.
    I used to be a teacher, and I have to say, you seem like a cool kid. Part of being an adolescent is learning to deal with uncertainty. I just read on this forum, how depression makes uncertainty harder. So you have your work cut out for you!
    so, trust me on this….you will hang in there and hang in hard. And one day, you will turn around and help someone else. And you will know it was all worth it.

    (And also, don’t forget your homework! Told you I was a teacher.) of course, it IS July….
    big love to you.
    Teacher syd

  • Chris

    May 3rd, 2014 at 8:13 AM

    I cannot think of putting into words what severe depression is like than the above.
    I feel as though I am an inmate in a prison.A prison that I have created for myself, but one that is no less isolating.
    At worst, the only comfort it seems is the blanket over your head.

  • Chris S.

    May 8th, 2014 at 9:55 PM

    I HAVE BIN CLINICALLY DEPRESSED for 25 YEARS . HAS DESTROYED MY LIFE ! I AM 48 YEARS OLD , I HAVE HSV AND HAVE BIN ALONE FOR THE LAST 7 YEARS . MY FAMILY HAS ABANDONED ME . DEPRESSION is like being an alcoholic !!! 1 you have to know that you suffer from it !! 2 . you have to understand when it’s affecting you !!! LIKE a drunk!!!don’t drink !!! ???? MIND OVER MATTER !!! After I tried and dam near succeeded in committing suicide , they pumped me full of anti depressants !! when Itook enough I couldn’t function? Would tie one shoe and forget the other ??? O….YA!! That made things much better !!!!!!!HATE has filled me sinse !!!!!!!! I HAVE NO DOUBT I will die from the gun !! I think about it every day !! I just don’t want to live any more to be alone ?? I live in a prission with NO walls ? My consence wont let me wreck someones life for a few minits of pleasure? HATE KEEPS ME WARM ..?? This INFERNO IN ME !! Hotter than the surface of the sun !!!!!! I pray I die BEFORE I EXSPLODE !!!

  • The GoodTherapy.org Team

    May 9th, 2014 at 9:08 AM

    Thank you for your comment, Chris. We wanted to provide links to some resources that may be relevant to you here. We have more information about what to do in a crisis at https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html

    Warm regards,
    The GoodTherapy.org Team

  • stacey

    June 18th, 2014 at 8:08 PM

    I want you to know that God loves you more than you will ever be able to understand… He has a purpose and plan for your life. Like myself, I’m sure you’ve tried everything else to no avail. Please give God a chance, you will be sooooo Happy that you did!!!! Your friend in Christ!!!

  • JJ

    May 28th, 2014 at 9:59 PM

    Andrew: I don’t know if I should say the same thing to my boyfriend but I do know how much it will hurt him if I do break up with him that way. I am sorry your girlfriend broke up with you but if I may try I sort of relate to what she is doing and why she did so. She doesn’t want to drag you down with her, I don’t want to drag my boyfriend down the dark pool I am currently floundering in. And I know I can become very hurtful when I am in my depressed moods and I hurt those around me, so I wonder if I should give him a choice to leave me? And she probably thinks its the best for you, that you don’t have to experience the torture of someone in the bubble of a depressed person. I hurt those I loved the most and if I can I will sever my connections with them so I can’t hurt them that way but unfortunately I also know the only way for me to this is to never exist you know? I don’t think you can ever understand her reason and I am sorry it has to end that way, but with your experience maybe I have an idea of what my boyfriend would feel and I will try not to do that.

  • Anthony

    June 16th, 2014 at 3:26 AM

    I would feel light headed, then just start to cry..all I felt was a light head,a spinning stomach,and like your about to faint. And the only way to stop those feelings is to cut…that’s how it felt for me.

  • Steve

    June 18th, 2014 at 10:34 AM

    OMG! How horrible for people to feel this way. It doesnt seem humane. I don’t know how people get through these episodes. I have been depressed a couple times in my 50 some years of life and man, it was so unbearable. Im not really sure how I got thru it. It felt like I was in a dark black room with nothing, not even me. My wife has BP with slim episodes of depression and I am trying my best to understand this and support her. I realize that there isn’t much I can do to help these episodes pass and all I can do is comfort her. Sometimes I get angry at the fact that this even exists and nobody has found a reason or cure.
    Thank you all for sharing. As well as helping yourselves, you are helping others, tremendously.

  • bunts

    June 20th, 2014 at 9:35 PM

    I want to know more about it because I’m feeling the same way..want to eradicate it soon.
    what is the solution?

  • Cynthia Lubow

    June 21st, 2014 at 1:19 PM


    Depression is one of the main reason psychotherapy exists. We have treatments that work for most people. Get yourself into some good therapy so you don’t have to suffer anymore. The longer you wait, the harder it is to turn around, so your instincts are good!

  • Julie

    June 23rd, 2014 at 8:49 AM

    Reading so many comments and can add my own situation which was so like all of you alls, my relief came after menopause. With this being said — have hormone levels checked.

  • april

    June 23rd, 2014 at 12:41 PM

    I truly don’t know if I will ever survive in this world the way that I’m feeling. It started at 14 I’m now 33 and it’s gotten worse! For many reasons I lost my children trying to commit suicide and that kills me to the frost of my soul. I hate myself more than ANYONE and I just want it to stop so bad :(

  • Brad

    July 4th, 2014 at 10:57 AM


    I suffer with sadness myself I am working on my mind that feels sad. In this extreme situation you got to find hope. Hold on and keep searching for help.. The mind can hold on to trauma of the past and that can make one struggle. The things that have happen have not been pleasant I understand. Just realize the sad things that have happened are not always in your control, nor is it your fault.

    My challenges stem from my childhood and have haunted me as an adult. My personal development has been stalled to years of allowing the pain to plague my life.. A person can tell me one thing that ingnights my thoughts to over think. Thinking about running away from fears, pain from the past, and not truly getting what I want out of life. I am struggling, I get caught up in sadness that I can’t realize is not true. Every person goes through challenges some cope with that much better than others.. We are only human. I have used addiction to help me through that makes it more challenging.

    I’m now 39 years old and have struggled tooth and nail.. With my life, jobs, and relationships. I have ended friendships that I ran from in fear from past friendships that didn’t work out the way I wanted. I have destroyed jobs in rage from having trauma happen in other jobs. People see this and pull away. I have not been confident and have struggled in insecurity. Then if something reminds me of the past my brain if not healthy recreates past anguish. In the heat of the battle in our minds we do not realize what is happening..

    I have recently reconnected with my family after five years of holding anger against them. I am starting to go back to therapy. Talking it out helps a great deal. I can’t fuss over spilled milk. What done is done. This is why I am again looking for help to work through these challenges.

    I have right here right now. I am not sure what is ahead in my future nor can I fear it. Then what’s in the past is no longer with us. We can not put energy into what once was. Fear is a lie we as depressed people tell ourselves due to struggles in the past. I have been working on my mental health for about six years and it gets easier every time. I have stumbled and that’s ok. We can not be hard on ourselves. Again we are only human. My skills to build a healthy life have been stifled from things that have not went good in my past.

    I have not always had the right tools. We must take steps to move forward. All I can do now is create positive situations and keep a positive attitude. I still have time and that is golden because we can work on great experiences now. You take care of yourself and if you need help do not be afraid of going and getting help. You are taking a brave step to a better tomorrow!!


  • laura

    August 12th, 2014 at 7:42 PM

    April! As I related above, I have been in the worst mental pain possible.God loves you no matter what!Why hate yourself?! The devil wants to take everyone down with him. People are quick to treat with meds but this is as much a spiritual battle. Read, “Lord I Want to be Whole: The power of Prayer and Scripture in Emotional Healing” by Stormie Omartion. I am praying for you. Find a pastor who can introduce to you people and a church where you have love and support. GOD BLESS YOU!

  • sharon

    September 10th, 2019 at 9:37 AM

    I am always, so far, waiting for the next day to be better; it is terrible to awake and it is not. Depending on the success of certain strategies learned over the years i get up and…….sometimes I am more successful than at other times but it is like a lottery. I have had a lifetime of the best medical treatment , that I realize and appreciate, however I suffer I think from being alone, in a foreign country, even my children have grown up and away something that was not in the culture in which i grew up and at times it is hard to handle something i did not know was possible, the instinct of at least love, friendship would be a bonus. I blame myself, genetics, fate whatever but the responsibility to survive was always mine alone and now I am really alone. I wonder if it is coming time for me to leave this life, I have done my best, but now I am only living for myself and it is not that appealing if I continue being so depressed. What I think is if you have such thoughts and are honest with yourself about what you have accomplished in life and realize the story has been told, the book is finished….then many people do just die, the phrase God knows is perfect, I don’t. there is always hope that somedays when I wake up, it could be better.

  • april

    June 23rd, 2014 at 12:54 PM

    This depression and bp and ptsd and anxiety have ruined my life and those I love! I can’t help it but no-one understands but it’s my fault I blame myself even tho I know I can’t help it! My husband is all I hv left and my insecurities are pushing him away too y won’t God just take me now I never succeed when I try and I’m sick of hospitals I well never forgive myself for losing my babies I have so many other things that I can’t let go they are killing everything that I know is good in me :( I’m lost scared and feel so alone

  • The GoodTherapy.org Team

    June 23rd, 2014 at 1:06 PM

    Thank you for your comment, April. We wanted to provide links to some resources that may be relevant to you here. We have more information about what to do in a crisis at https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html

    Warm regards,
    The GoodTherapy.org Team

  • Cynthia Lubow, MFT

    June 23rd, 2014 at 12:59 PM


    That is so sad that you lost one of the best reasons to live by trying to kill yourself! Please find some good therapy–you shouldn’t have to deal with this alone.

  • Cynthia Lubow, MFT

    June 23rd, 2014 at 1:12 PM


    You weren’t trying to kill yourself to get your kids taken away–I’m assuming you were trying to kill yourself because you couldn’t stand the pain anymore, and losing your kids was a horrible side-effect. Even if your kids aren’t with you now, they need you to be alive. Kids whose parents kill themselves have a much much higher chance of killing themselves too. Much of this could heal, and they will eventually grow up and you could develop a beautiful relationship with them (if not sooner). You can’t erase yourself from their minds by killing yourself–you will always be hugely important to them, because you are their mother, even if they only see you in their minds. When they see you in their minds, think about what you want them to see, and do your best to be that. It’s not too late.

  • Amy

    July 1st, 2014 at 3:54 PM

    I experience some serious mood swings, like for a couple of months or so I will be extremely depressed, like nothing good can and will ever happen to me, I sleep loads and can’t seem to get out of bed most days, this is particularly when I would experience more anxiety and almost like small panic attacks a lot. I then turn the complete opposite where I would have all the energy in the world and can’t stop talking or moving, it’s crazy.

    Not only do I experience these mad mood swings that I can’t help and has no inbetween, I also sometimes go into like a trance. Feels like nothing is real and that I am not even like there or connected to the world, which is when I will harm myself due to trying to feel something.

    I have tried to going to the doctors about it but got too scared and left. I’m still currently trying to build up the courage but it’s difficult, I guess I’m still in denial and I’m scared that they would send me on my way saying it’s just hormones or something.

    I also forgot to add when I’m in my depressed state I will normally go to all lengths to feel good enough, I will starve myself and restrict what I eat. I am aware this very unhealthy and that I do need help, I just want someone else’s opinion on what could be wrong?

    I’m sorry this is long, I had a lot to explain!!

  • Kevin K.

    July 12th, 2014 at 2:27 AM

    Dear Amy,

    As I read that I started to realize you were in understandable and sensical way telling more story. The absolute extremes, the not having any normal middle zone, being so energetic and over the top talkative that even my immediate family will just look at me with their stare and body language saying “I don’t even know what you’re saying 90% of the time, with the added feeling of them with that same stare conveying “I don’t really give a shit about what you’re rambling about anyway!!!” I know my behavior has caused it due to my mental illness, and I realize I play a role in trying to manage it by being more aware of what “state I’m in” count to ten, and give that person a chance to talk, or even just an actual break from conversation. It’s so frustrating because even my Mom and Dad are my biggest supporters in just loving their son as any good parent would, but also financially. Even they will say. “Well” “Then just don’t act like that, or have that behavior.” Like anyone would wake up in the morning
    wanting to come accross as scatter brained, feeling extreme opposites in your own emotions, and bringing with it such intensity, even I would take pause to notice something is a bit different and
    a little too intense. I feel like people see me as a cooky scatter brained bother or
    A lazy do nothing, depressed, completely useless person. I’ve def come a long way with self worth and value as just a human being. I have to
    Admit though that there’s a pretty solid undercurrent of I will always feel and think of myself as an unworthy loser. I just have never felt that I would have valid explanation of why would I matter or be of beefit to someone. I still feel bad that they’re were going to waste time on me when there’s actual, legit people out there who are worth knowing
    and even falling in love with. The one thing I will say that gets to me, is even though I’ve always felt undeserving, I’m so Lonley. To have a partner in crime, who has your back, and they chose you not because they have to because they want to. That would feel really good to experience that type of love.



  • Mary Owens

    August 11th, 2014 at 9:56 PM

    Hi Amy. Your story sounds so familiar to mine, just with less details. I unfortunately tried using drugs and alcohol to regulate ups and downs, and try ad feel” normal.” And more connected with reality. I remember screaming to my father at one point I THINK I’M CRAZY!!! He told me if I really felt that way he would take me to where the crazy people go. The psych ward. I got scared, and said nevermind and went upstairs and had a panic attack (I didn’t know it was a panic attack then,) knowing I had meant what I said. Despite all this I still managed to get jobs, attend college and do well and almost graduate with an A.A even though at points I was out of touch with things, had massive mood swings from super happy (almost unshakable invincible) and up for days to feeling completely depressed and worthless (I cried for hours sometimes) and needed substances to work. (I worked an average of 50-60 a week my last full- time job, and was promoted from wiping tables to manager in a year and a half.) Around the age of 17 I started experiencing the need to sleep less and less, a good night was 3 hours and this was lasting months. Then at 18 I started getting really bad anxiety,so I found out after going to the ER after months of experiencing horrible feelings and feeling like I was going to have a heart attack. I felt at times I was in a movie, or on a journey that wasn’t my own. Or I was watching things happen. Sometimes I feared people were against me. I had one major depression about 20 where I got laid off and it lasted 3 months. I didn’t leave my house. My phone got disconnected. I stopped eating and lost 50 pounds. I slept most of the time. And had terrible hygiene. I thought the world was going to end. When I was 22 I decided to get sober after a break-up with a boyfriend which put me into a severe depression and saw my G.P. He prescribed an antidepressant to help me though this time. I started behaving a bit strangely, right away. But I felt better and was getting lots of things done. I got a second job, and my day boss had no idea I was working two jobs. I got really creative and did art work all the time and stoped sleeping. I wore wigs, and dressed in creative costumes, which did not go over great with my boss at the financial planning office. (Epecially what I tried to work with some Rock Star looking sun-h lasses on!) It all became clear what was going on for years when I got pulled over doing 85 in a 35 at 3:30 in the afternoon, coming back from a doctor’s appointment to my first job. The sheriff asked if I knew how fast I was going and I wanted to show him my craft projects. He told me it was a blind person area and I said “Well I guess he would have never seen me coming!” He saw the antidepressants on my front seat, as well as Xanax and when I was questioned I told him they were miracle drugs because i was sober, I no longer had to sleep, I was writing and painting and drawing and I had two jobs and I felt better than I ever had in my life. My house was completely organized and cleaned from top to bottom. Because I had no drugs on me, or alcohol on my breathe and not even a parking ticket to my name the sheriff called my boss, and I was taken to the Emergency Psychiatric Emergency Room. After evaluating me I had both manic and hypomanic features. Almost all of those symptoms included:

    Inflated self-esteem
    Poor judgment
    Rapid speech
    Racing thoughts
    Aggressive behavior
    Agitation or irritation
    Increased physical activity
    Risky behavior
    Spending sprees or unwise financial choices
    Increased drive to perform or achieve goals
    Increased sex drive
    Decreased need for sleep
    Easily distracted
    Careless or dangerous use of drugs or alcohol
    Frequent absences from work or school
    Delusions or a break from reality (psychosis)
    Poor performance at work or school.

    I also had suffered from depressions, including that one major episode. Those symptoms included:

    Suicidal thoughts or behavior
    Sleep problems
    Low appetite or increased appetite
    Loss of interest in activities once considered enjoyable
    Problems concentrating
    Chronic pain without a known cause
    Frequent absences from work or school
    Poor performance at work or school

    That night,they diagnosed me with Bipolar I and started me on medications to bring me out of the severe mania that had been exasperated by the antidepressants. I have learned Bipolar Disorder starts out in your early teens and twenties as anxiety and depression both of which I was being treated for. Your story, reminded me of things I had felt no doubt before this incident that led me to get diagnosed. If any of the things I listed you too experience, please go see a psychotherapist who can work with a psychiatrist to figure out what’s going on, especially if it might be bipolar disorder. Because of your description of the very high phases you experience in particular, I think it’s definitely worth seeing a psychotherapist and a psychiatrist to see what’s going on. Bipolars are the most likely out of all the mental illness patients diagnosed to kill themselves. (I myself have had one suicide attempt that was nearly successful, landing me in the hospital receiving treatment for an overdose that nearly killed me. Had my boyfriend at the time not come home early from work, I would not be here writing you tonight.) About 13% are successful, where only 9% of schizophrenics are. Without treatment who knows how high that number is. And whatever is going on, getting yourself in the hands of professionals who will understand you and not judge you is the best place to start your recovery, because I can tell you personally getting treatment was the best thing I ever did. Life is so much better now. I have been living diagnosed for 13 years now. Life is not perfect, but I don’t live with fear any longer or feel out of control. I can spot when things are going south and go to my doctor and therapist, and my family and friends now understand that I have a disease and they have learned how to be a healthy support for me. I have also met lots of other people with all kinds of mental illnesses, who I have learned so much from and my family members have even come to me and confided in me that some of them are on medications for different anxiety/deression/bipolar disorder illnesses now. I learned too that in many cases what medication works for your family members has a better chance chemically working for you, so if you do get diagnosed talk to your family members. If they are on psychiatric medications it might be a good idea to give those ones a try first. Life can get better. And the only thing that was wrong with me was I didn’t feel great a lot, and I was scared of what was wrong with me. Having depression, anxiety, bipolar etc is just like having diabetes. Once you know what it is, and have access treatment it becomes more manageable and you start learning how to best deal with it with all the tools that are out there. You deserve to not be scared, to feel better and live the best life you can. Through therapy and medication I can not tell you how wonderful life is now, and how great my relationships are compared to back then. I wish and hope the same for you. Hope that some of this helps, and no matter what never give up. Take care.

  • Badmarie

    November 15th, 2014 at 11:25 PM

    Thank you for the anecdote, which I was startled to hear myself laughing for the first time in months. Actually, your speeding story got me going pretty good, and filled these desolate rooms with the first sound I’ve heard in days. Me – laughing alone with my swolen face. Maybe I can still be suprised;)

  • Cynthia Lubow, MFT

    July 2nd, 2014 at 9:34 AM

    I’m a gernade one day I will go off,

    Your user name concerns me, and so does your overloaded stress, your family not liking your personality and your depression. If I were your mother, I would be very concerned and shower you with love and attention and hold you in a way to keep you safe. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with such tough stuff without enough support. Can you see a counselor or therapist? Are there people in your life who love you unconditionally? Maybe a grandparent or Aunt, teacher or parent of a friend? We all need love and support–please try to get some and let them help you reduce your stress. Getting good grades won’t help you if you don’t want to live.

  • Emma

    July 3rd, 2014 at 4:43 PM

    I have been depressed for years now and the part you wrote about how it feels to have it, is exactly the way I feel. The only thing I know is that medication do not solve depression entirely, only solving the problems behind the depression. Because if you do not face the problems, they will not disappear and you will still struggle with it.

  • GoodTherapy.org Support

    July 4th, 2014 at 11:31 AM

    Thank you for your comment, Emma. We wanted to provide links to some resources that may be relevant to you here. We have more information about what to do in a crisis at https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html

    Warm regards,
    The GoodTherapy.org Team

  • Cynthia Lubow, MFT

    July 5th, 2014 at 9:38 AM

    Emma, I agree. I hope you are working to resolve the stuff that is causing your depression! Brad, I’m glad you are working on things–thanks for your inspiring message!

  • Kristin K

    July 5th, 2014 at 7:19 PM

    My mother was recently diagnosed with schizophrenia after having to be committed to a psychiatric hospital. She has gone misdiagnosed for years and as her daughter I’ve experienced a lot of negative consequences of it. I had become pulled into her pathology. At the same time, I recently found out that my dad has only a few months to live. I’ve been estranged from him for several years due primarily to his alcoholism. Before discovering all if this I had recently started going therapy for anxiety which was soon diagnosed as social anxiety. I had had some depressive symptoms before but they often stemmed from my anxious feelings. Now, I feel so bad. When I wake up it’s the worst… It’s such a dark terrible feeling. I feel like I have to put on a show for others and it’s exhausting. I’m still going to a therapist but I’m scared to think how alone I am in this when I only see her every 2 weeks. I feel like I’m drowning.

  • GoodTherapy.org Support

    July 6th, 2014 at 10:42 AM

    Thank you for your comment, Kristin. We wanted to provide links to some resources that may be relevant to you here. We have more information about what to do in a crisis at https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html

    Warm regards,
    The GoodTherapy.org Team

  • Bettina

    July 7th, 2014 at 10:46 AM

    My heart goes out to you all struggling with depression. I’ve known about my depression issue my whole life but never sought out treatment. I just let it run its course which I do not recommend. Over the past few years I’ve been a caregiver to an 80+ year old Korean veteran who has severe depression, PTSD, and alcoholism. This sounds like a horrible mix of two clashing perceptions of depressive thoughts but it really has turned my life around and I can say the same for him too. I have no family of my own just my husband. The elderly man has children that never gave a damn about him and now that he has a nice pension coming in they are trying to have him committed. Their attempts have failed because I always fight to bring him back home with me, they’ve even resulted in telling professionals that I beat and neglect him. If they could only see what they’ve done to him

  • Bettina

    July 7th, 2014 at 10:54 AM

    There was more I wanted to say but I accidentally posted too early. All the stress and anxiety these people have caused him and I, we’ve both felt like giving up. He is tired of living, and myself the depression consumes me I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I have all these fears of what would happen to this man if I give up completely. But the isolation part of the episode makes me want to pack up and run away from all the bull sh*t. Everybody hang in there please, there are others out there that need our help with handling depression. There are a million reasons to live and only one reason to die.

  • Vane

    July 12th, 2014 at 3:05 PM

    It feel like I should go die of so much

  • GoodTherapy.org Support

    July 12th, 2014 at 6:52 PM

    Thank you for your comment, Vane. We wanted to provide links to some resources that may be relevant to you here. We have more information about what to do in a crisis at https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html

    Warm regards,
    The GoodTherapy.org Team

  • Syd

    July 13th, 2014 at 8:07 PM

    Hey, Vane, just a shout out to you. If I knew how to make an emoticon hug, I would do it.
    Love, syd

  • DarkRose24

    July 17th, 2014 at 5:00 PM

    I have thoughts of suicide almost everyday, I acted on them before and was not successful obviously. I’m so tired physically and emotionally, this world had drained me. I feel as if I can’t go on.

  • The GoodTherapy.org Team

    July 18th, 2014 at 9:41 AM

    Thank you for your comment, DarkRose24. We wanted to provide links to some resources that may be relevant to you here. We have more information about what to do in a crisis at https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html

    Warm regards,
    The GoodTherapy.org Team

  • Cynthia Lubow, MFT

    July 18th, 2014 at 9:52 AM

    DarkRose24, I’m so sorry life is dragging you down! What could possibly help you recharge? What has helped in the past–even a little? Clearly you need rest and emotional food.

  • CN

    July 20th, 2014 at 6:30 AM

    I could not have described my feelings any better. When people say there was such thing as a functioning addict, I would wonder how is that possible. Decades later, knowing that I was more than a moody, unhappy teenager who liked to keep to myself I understand. I was the model student/am the model leader by day. But I now see I have lived 2 lives. I older I become the more one bleeds into the othe. I function for necessity and wish the rest of my hours, days, and years away. The pain is physical, emotional…it is real. I’ve recently reached out to a psychiatry’s office to do intake through a therapist but must continue searching for someone that my insurance covers. I’ve felt unhappy most of my life. Due to things impacting who would have taken care of my child, I’ve held on. But the best 6 months of my life was when I was “getting my house” in order so my child would be ok. I know it’s sad to say if someone asked that the best time of my life was planning to die but it’s very true for me. When people imply I’m not grateful for what I have or need more rest or vacations I want to scream. I’m a Christian and relatively intelligent but these experiences are not a think yourself happy. Believe me by faith or intellect, if I could “fix’ it I would have. This existence is difficult….and I’m writing this while on vacation holding back tears while everyone sleeps. I found this article because I googled how to be around others when you are happy…because putting on the face grows more challenging by the day….

  • John

    July 20th, 2014 at 10:01 PM

    Im glad to see that someone was able to describe what depression really feels like and get it all down.

    I often find myself fighting my sever depression episodes all alone and just want to kill myself but dont merely because I hope and pray someone will give a damn about me to try and help.

    I have some help from my girlfriend but sadly it’s not enough and I find myself crying and screaming alone all over again (mostly because shes in a different state)..

    I told my mom my problem with depression and she got me on medication but I feel like its not working.
    My mom instead of trying her best to make me feel better is only making it more and more painful to deal with.

    I already have a really difficult time dealing with anxiety and stress and all she is doing lately is making it worse.

    I’ve had three- four if you count an hour ago, anxiety and panic attacks because of her drama this month.

    I’ve tried making up with her but she only tells me how im such a disappointment to her no matter what I do and any appolagiese mean nothing to her no matter what I say them for.

    Im always hurting allover and I just want it to stop and stop for good.
    I often find myself getting close to letting go of my life and falling into the never ending sleep.

    I’ve tried hanging myself and over dosing on my depression medication but of course cant seem to go through with it.

    I haven’t heard my mom say she loves me to my face in years and every second she doesn’t feels like a knife to me.

    The only two who really help me during my times and seem to really care if I take my life or not are states away and I nor they have the money to go see each other.

    I feel like I should put myself in an insane asylum to spare everyone from dealing with me when its clear they don’t care.

    My best friend whom was the only person able to pull me from my deepest times no longer talks to mean and i think she even hates me for no reason.

    I want to go home yet despite being in my bed I feel no where near home.

    I don’t know what to do any more.

    After finding this I shared it on my facebook and hope that people finally understand what I feel during my depression episodes and won’t act they way they have been and actually try to help me.

  • The GoodTherapy.org Team

    July 21st, 2014 at 8:49 AM

    Thank you for your comment, John. We wanted to provide links to some resources that may be relevant to you here. We have more information about what to do in a crisis at https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html

    Warm regards,
    The GoodTherapy.org Team

  • Elizabeth

    August 8th, 2014 at 10:36 PM

    John, i might not know exactly what you are going through, but I know what your girlfriend is, because i m in that situation with my boyfriend and i m surprised how similar you and him talk. He suffers depression episodes aswell and have problems with his mother, i am miles away and dont have money to go see him. I wanted to tell you, no everyone knows how to deal with someone with depression, maybe that s why your mother acts like that. It would help a lot if you made her read more about it so she can understand you. We get desperate because we dont know how to help you. I was desperate myself at some point, till i inform myself. You dont have to think she doesnt loves you, she does, maybe she didnt learn how to say it. Maybe she have some problems too. The point is, is not your fault that she is like that. And if you really love your girlfriend and your mother, get help, because depression doesnt cures by itself, you need to put effort. Is not impossible to recover either. You need to search for a therapist as soon as you can and be patient, is possible to recover.

  • amanda t.

    July 24th, 2014 at 3:25 PM

    People that fully understand are hard to come by, even professionals don’t always get it right. When I hear of others suffering I try to reach out to help because I know how it feels and because I desperately want support myself. It dosent always happen, you are attention seeking, woe is me there are so many worse off people. That is the thing we know there are, we know we are not the only ones, we know that there are worse cases than ours but that does not mean we don’t deserve the same respect and support. I have met many people with depression, anxiety and many other mental illness and the one thing that has stood out for me is the leve; of support and belief is the main thing for coming out of the pit. I call mine the beast, it is always there but of course I put things in place to help it, support others that need it, but it always rears its ugly head.
    I get most disappointed when I try to help people, through my own experiences, conversations with others and many courses, I do have knowledge, I may not have paper work to back it up but I do have insight, that can sometimes be more powerful. there response can vary from oh she thinks shes a psych, or I wish she would stay out of it. The truth is I am just trying to help from things I have experienced, I have a good heart.I try to help, nothing wrong with that, it comes from a good place,it is well meaning. why cant people see that instead of saying im trying to get attention. Just not quite good enough.
    When I read articles like this it does give me hope, hope that ok I am not completely alone with my feelings.
    thank you

  • Abbey

    July 27th, 2014 at 4:45 PM

    I’ve felt depressed and suicidal for two years now and recently its got a whole lot worse. My parents found out about my self harm about a month ago. They found out from my best friends dad because i was too scared to tell them about it and i hate how much it hurt them that i couldn’t say it myself. Only 6 days ago my best friend told me that she thinks that we should spend time apart because my ‘illness’ has negatively affected her and that she can’t cope with it, i know that its better for her that way but now i feel abandoned and even more alone and Im afraid that she’ll stay away from me forever. The day after her dad texted my parents about me and her spending time away from eachother but my parents didn’t know about it or the reasons why and i was forced to tell them that i want to kill myself. My mum dealt with it fine but i don’t think she understands how serious i am about it. She told me that suicide is selfish and stupid and that she didn’t think i was a selfish person. That made me feel ten times worse. I have thought a lot about why I’ve become depressed and I’ve come to the conclusion of social anxiety, i haven’t been diagnosed but from my research it appears to be extremely likely that i have it. I have a panic attack almost everyday before school because Im just so scared and worried that people will see me and laugh like the always do so i hide behind my hair and speedwalk through crowds or just avoid them at all costs. I avoid eating in public so i don’t eat at school or when Im out with friends and I’ve started developing a habit of not eating as a way of making me feel better about myself because i have that control over whether i eat or not. My best friend (before i pushed her away) kept telling me to go to the doctors and once i agreed and attempted to make an appointment but i got scared of going behind my mums back and never confirmed the appointment (so now the doctor probably thinks I’ve committed suicide). Now that my mum knows everything i suggested i go to the doctors but she said that medicine would only mask the problem and is a short term solution. But i don’t think she understands how much i just want to feel happy again, to get my best friend back and live life without suicidal thoughts constantly nagging my mind.
    I have attempted suicide by trying to suffocate myself while everyone was asleep not long after the depression started two years ago but my reflexes kicked in and i obviously failed, being a twelve year old at the time i was foolish and perhaps a little scared of dying. Now Im nearly 15 and the thought of death doesn’t faze me, I’ve come close to suicide, I’ve nearly drunk bleach many times this month, i know its meant to be the most painful way to die, but the thing is, Im an addict when it comes to self iinflicted pain. The reason why i haven’t attempted suicide is that Im still coming up with a plan that will insure my death. That’s how i stop myself from crying sometimes, i think of three ways to die before i go to sleep, and usually I’ll doze off with a smile on my face. Im no sure why but I’ve been clean from cutting for a few weeks now and my thoughts of dying have increased a tenfold. Maybe its because Im not punishing myself.
    I know i am a teenager and maybe my hormones are raging but these feelings are real and Im falling deeper and deeper into the abyss. Everytime i look in the mirror i want to punch it and smash until my knuckles bleed and cut my wrists with the shards. I don’t know how to stop these maddening desires. When Im round the people i love i just stare off into space blankly because I’ve become trapped in my head where Im constantly arguing with myself and it feels like I’ve been having conversations with the people around me when really I’ve spent half an hour staring at a wall silently. Sometimes i scream and cry when no ones home because i know that Im going crazy and Im aware ofthe fact that people are just fed up with failing to make me happy. If i ended it, their lives would be so much easier.

    Also, id like to say thank you for this article and all the comments about peoples stories, its nice to be reminded that there are people out there who know how i feel and won’t just tell me that Im ungrateful, selfish and stupid etc. Does anyone have any coping mechanisms to share?

  • GoodTherapy.org Support

    July 27th, 2014 at 9:14 PM

    Thank you for your comment, Abbey. We wanted to provide links to some resources that may be relevant to you here. We have more information about what to do in a crisis at https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html

    Warm regards,
    The GoodTherapy.org Team

  • Cynthia Lubow, MFT

    July 27th, 2014 at 10:36 PM


    We do have treatments for what you’re going through. It’s really important that you get yourself to a good psychotherapist, or possibly a psychiatrist who does psychotherapy. You have a chance to live a happy life, but the sooner you get help the better. No one should have to suffer so much, and you deserve relief! Find someone you trust and tell them all these details. There’s so much life ahead of you, if you find a way to get through all the pain. If not, you might end up doing some terrible damage that will cause you more suffering, or losing out on a good life. Will you get help?


  • Abbey

    July 28th, 2014 at 4:28 PM

    I am going to try to get help, my mum asked me earlier if i wanted to go to the doctor and i said yes but i don’t know how to tell her that i want to go on my own because there are many things that i haven’t said to her that will upse her that the doctor should probably be told. Im also scared that they’ll tell me its just hormones and that they can’t help me.
    My mum keeps crying and i know its my fault but i don’t know what to say to comfort her. I can’t say that suddenly i don’t feel like committing suicide cause that would be lying, and I’ve been lying to her everyday for 2 years and she doesn’t deserve it.
    I really dont know what to do, Im making everyone else miserable which makes me feel even worse. Today i nearly cut myself again, i watched a movie and a guy slit his wrists, it was a massive trigger and i couldn’t stop thinking about it, i think the only thing that stopped me was the fact that my brother was upstairs and he doesn’t know about my depression yet. I wish i had, self harm usually keeps the bad feelings away for a few hours, even days at best. But i haven’t cut for weeks (due to my mum scouring my arms and legs for cuts) and the suicidal thoughts are worse than they’ve ever been.
    One thing that I’ve noticed is that Im always at my worst in the summer, in winter time i was sure that id almost snapped out of the depression, i had energy and my grades were high but looking back i can see my energy sapping and my grades lowering as the recent months have passed. Does anyone else feel similar?

  • Elizabeth

    August 7th, 2014 at 4:36 AM

    You don’t have to worry about telling your mom you wanna talk to the therapist alone, he will want to speak to you alone, so don’t make this delay the visit to the doctor, go now with your mom, you will have plenty of oportunities to speak with the therapist without your mom there.

    Btw, congratulations on deciding to get professional help, you are an inspiration. Don’t get scare at the second step, you have people supporting you as i can see.

    Best wishes

  • Layla

    July 29th, 2014 at 6:20 AM

    I have read this over and over again, breaking into tears each time. The lady who wrote this has put into words what I have struggled to try and help the people close to me understand what I feel, all I can ever muster up is “I’m just tired” or “I don’t know”.
    My heart screams out to me to show them this, make them read it, but my head says NO!! they will just think your crazy. I’m caught in my own private hell.

  • Tasha

    July 30th, 2014 at 8:31 PM

    Hi I’m tasha.. I read this and was like woow. So I guess I’ll share my story and maybe someone can help me out … So I use to lice in Kentucky with my mom and my step dad. All my family lives in Kentucky. My mom,(Moms side) grandma,great grandma and Grandpa (who raised me technically from when I was 4-14 years old so ten years of my life I’m 16 now), my brother and lil sister,(now my dads side) grandma and grandpa .. So I recently got forced to live with my dad a year ago and now I have a choice to stay or live with him he is in the army and stationed in new York every time he takes leave (2 week vacation 2ce a year) we go to see my family.. Well this time were on vacation and like were leaving tomorrow morning just said goodbye to everyone and I have been crying nonstop for 2 days straight… Its to where I have the hugest headache from crying and I have big bags and circles under my eyes and their swollen its like these two days I just feel so depressed and idk what to do I want to stay so bad the next time I’m going to see them is Christmas and its 5 months away so like idk I have no clue why it hit me so hard its like I can’t get my mind of the images of saying bye and everyone crying its so hard to not forget I been quiet I guess trying to jeep it in in front of my dad and its so hard… Like I just feel so weak and just idk how to describe it but like a really bad depressed feeling like all through my body where nothing means anything anymore… Like can someone help me out please? I read this and just broke down in tears. I have had depression before and its been a year but idk I just feel so bad… Have no clue what to call what I’m feeling.. Thanks for reading…

  • Shriveled Muse

    August 1st, 2014 at 4:50 PM

    Seeing as how many people have shared their story, perhaps someone who is suffering similarly can help me with mine.

    I have depression and just recently started to get panic attacks. Depression has been my reality for the last 10 years and I’ve lived with it by suppressing my emotions. By doing this, I act out every day as another person: a fake persona that I created that would be accepted by the “norms” of this society. No one knew that I was depressed, much less suicidal for all this time because this was the only thing that I worked hard to protect. I did all I could to appear “normal” and to prevent anyone for knowing my secret because I’m not ‘supposed’ to be this way.

    A few months ago, a new friend (and my only close friend) revealed to me that he had depression as well. Knowing this, I felt safe to tell him my secret and how I’ve been suppressing it all this time in order to just function in my daily life as a university student. He told me to stop suppressing because it’s unhealthy. And so I did. Or at least I thought I did.

    It got worse after that. Now that I was feeling the emotion again, I felt suffocated. There is now a dense ball of emotion simply swirling, churning and gnawing away inside me. From this, I started to get panic attacks. And I got them every single day. I frequently need time to be alone so I can attempt to let out all this crazed emotion either in the form of tears or panic attacks. I can’t let anyone see me when I’m in this twitchy, trembling, hyperventilating and moreover, insane state.

    Then I realized that I didn’t actually stop suppressing. I still am suppressing, and I’m suppressing so much more than I actually thought. I realized this when I somehow managed to unscrew the cap on my bottled emotions one day – just for a few seconds – and was immediately overcome with an intense panic attack.

    I can’t trust anyone anymore. They are only causing me intense pain while not even knowing and I am paining them in return. There were times when I accidentally let my true self out, only to get ridiculed and scorned. It hurts terribly to know that a fake that I created is better than me. I used to confront my problems and be optimistic and all that stuff until experience ruthlessly taught me otherwise.

    After typing down at a least 30 000 words of the plague that was my thoughts on my computer, I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to completely un-suppress my emotions in order to solve this depression. If I don’t, then I will continue living each day feeling like shit, dreading every singly second while desiring and craving death every step of the way until I actually do commit suicide. I live every day in fear of people, trapped in the dark abyss if depression. There is nothing scarier than reality. I can’t remember the last time I felt happiness or excitement. Fun? What’s that?

    Does anyone know how to unsuppress emotions? I’ve been suppressing all these years so I have no idea how not to. If I do manage to unsuppress, then I will have to battle my sanity with my emotions until one wins. I’m willing to take this battle if it will end my living hell.

  • Elizabeth

    August 7th, 2014 at 4:22 AM

    I am not an expert in depression or any other disorder, i am no a depressed person either. I do have an anxiety disorder so isnt like im a complete ignorant about feeling something you want it to go away, and i wanna tell you that i am touched by your story. My partner has depression, and i am always scare he is doing what you re doing. I always try to encourge him to open up with me and to not hide if he is feeling depressed. I also read every article I find about how to deal with someone depressed, and actually, the last article i read (that was 5 mins ago) said that there is 80 to 90 percent rate of recovery for depressed people that look for professional help. That is amazing, dont you think? But the sad part is, only the 33% actually look for help. And maybe my partner and you are in that 67%. And there is nothing i want more than him to switch to that 33%. Or better… Increase that 33% to a higher number. And is what i am trying to do now. You probably have someone near you, just like my partner does, that is begging for you to get professional help. I know is hard to do that step, I did it with my anxiety disorder. But, what are you gonna lose if you do it?

    Don’t lose hope, you deserve to be happy and to enjoy life.

  • Kimberlee

    August 9th, 2014 at 8:38 AM

    I was traumatized during my youth. To begin, I was born with a cleft lip…but I was unaware of my facial deformity until I began elementary school…I can faintly recall the first time some kid let me know that I was differant and I knew he meant to make me feel like a freak show….I was five then….I believe that our personalities are first and foremost geneticly passed down to us…from that……it transforms according to our envirnment.. my Dad was a great father, husband and provider…but when he got waisted on alcohol…he was so very scary…I had way too many traumatizing experiences for my innocent little mind…..so you take 18 plus yrs of my life in a volitile up bringing and then elementary school was shocked with how i found out i wasnt like the human children…i was made to feel like i landed from mars and that was tough….I have so much more to add in detail that its too much to text but what I want to tell you is that I have your same exact problem all the way to crossing the T and dotting the i ….the only thing that i believe I have to offer to you is some ways that I mastered because my genetic determination that has always strived to be the best I could be…so that means if I am depressed..Im going to strive to find out why so i can fix it.. basically…I have learned to know who I am…what I am feeling…where did it stem from…is it a valid feeling…..and I had to stop needing my moms approval or opinion..that took yearssss…she played the biggest part in my emotional mess…this was said to me years back ” We dont get to choose who are parents will be” we do choose our friends….if we were able to choose our parents, would it be the ones you were born to? Probably not is what i said….if you have a friend that is causing you grief…you simply let go…..well, unfortunately it works the same way with family… ..I have so much to say but i am so busy today and answering this took a hour…believe it ….you can email me personally…I would love to share each others pain because neither of us will make the other feel worse than we already are…by making harsh quick judgemental statements such as “get over it , my goodness… life is what you make of it” i guess if you want to be miserable you will stay there…. but dont make everyone else depressed with your woes” JUST ONE EXAMPLE OF SOMEONE EITHER IGNORANT JUST DOWN RIGHT MEAN

  • Eric

    September 8th, 2014 at 3:40 PM

    Thanks for your comment Kimberlee, it’s given me some perspective on my own situation. My childhood was quite rough and I never got along with my family or friends very well. They were always taunting and ridiculing me when I was young (either they were trying to motivate me or taking out their own frustrations on me, I never quite understood). My dad was an alcoholic who was also very asocial. We’ve never had any real family friends and almost nobody was welcome home. Alcohol took my dad away seven years ago. Towards his last years he was extremely withdrawn and was generally an unpleasant person to be around. I loved him but could never really connect with him. I am mad at him for neglecting me. My mum though not depressed has her own share of anger issues and I’ve been her target many times. My kid brain has been through a lot of silent trauma. I’ve kept my emotions suppressed for long and tried to maintain a fake social persona. But lately I’ve realised that I can’t go on like this forever. At 27 I’ve started to feel really empty inside, it’s as if I have no empathy left at all. I’ve stopped genuinely caring for anyone. I feel I’ve lost the ability to love or be loved. Life looks grey and every task seems like wading through waist deep quick sand. My motivation levels are at an all time low. To make things worse, my girlfriend of 5 years cheated on me with my best friend. I lost them both after that. Everyone at school and work seems really mean, selfish and untrustworthy and so I am generally by myself. My mum tells me to try to ‘feel better’ but I don’t understand her and we end up arguing. I have these massive walls around me that I am locked behind. Nobody can look inside. But I do feel desperately lonely and wish someone could see things through my eyes. I’ve been really tough on myself soldiering on through life. But I don’t want to end up like my dad.

    Have you had any experience with therapy? I’d really appreciate if you could share some advice on that.


  • Bettina

    August 11th, 2014 at 10:05 PM

    I read your post & could feel the anguish you are in. My heart is really touched & I want you to know that complete strangers care about you & want to hold you up until the pain goes away.
    “Come to me, all who are weary & heavy-burdened & I will give you rest”~ said God

  • Joe D

    August 12th, 2014 at 6:21 AM

    Yes you are right about the importance of letting emotion out of the jail. I have been running emotional workshops and it seems to me what gets labelled as ‘depression’ might more accurately be labelled ‘suppression’ and instead of taking a life sentence by being labelled as OCD or ADD or ADHD it might be nicer to know something of the less popular disorder I’ve labeled GLAD ( generalised lack of anxiety disorder). Once a person gets into healthy relationship with their emotional world the rest of their world seems to get a lot kinder too.

  • laura

    August 12th, 2014 at 7:21 PM

    Jesus! Call on His name! Read “Lord I want to Be Whole:The Power of Prayer and Scripture in Emotional Healing”. There is power in praising His name. Ask Him to forgive you for your sins and let Him in. THEN…MOVE! If connections people or town make you anxious AT ALL start anew!At least take a sabbatical. I have been in such mental anguish I thought I could not go on. You WILL heal! God bless you. I WILL PRAY FOR YOU!

  • Louise

    August 12th, 2014 at 7:24 PM

    I have been where you are. It took over a year to find the right combination of meds to stop the nonstop anxiety and panic attacks that caused me to lose 50 pounds and take a leave from work. I had to go to different doctors until I found one who had expertise in my particular symptoms, many of which were GI related. Don’t give up no matter what!!! That’s a command!!! If you have been raised in a particular faith, go back to it in earnest. I can’t tell you that prayer made me feel better at the time, but it didn’t make me feel worse. And now with the benefit of hindsight I know how much it helped me without my even realizing it. The medication that literally saved my life is called Remeron. If meds don’t give you some relief, there’s ECT. My doctor says it is without a doubt the one thing she knows will work on intractable depression, and the side effects are minimal compared to the past.
    I will keep you in my prayers!!!

  • Elly

    August 7th, 2014 at 5:12 AM

    I think something psychiatrists and other mental health professionals don’t realize (or elect not to tell patients) is that the very act of seeking help from them dooms a depressed person to being viewed as in an episodic crisis mode for the rest of their lives, whether they pass through and out of the episode that brought them to the professional in the first place or not. For the rest of our lives, when filling out medical history forms or responding to questions about our histories, the second we mention having been treated for major depression in the past, any and all information we provide is filtered through a belief that whatever we’re there about has its roots in depression.

    To those who think perhaps a locked psych facility is an option for recovery, I can only say this: I’ve been locked up twice, and those two places were among the bleakest, most soul-devouring places ever invented by man. Maybe prisons are worse. Perhaps internment camps and refugee camps are worse. But if you believe you have a soul (which Western psychology does not), and you end up in such a facility, be prepared to have that soul ripped right out of you. To the people “helping” you, it’s simply a delusion created by your illness. Cure the illness, the need to delude yourself with a ‘soul’ will vanish. And by going to a shrink or other mental health professional, you identify yourself to “the system” as one of the poor saps who needs his/her delusions torn away. And THAT will be everyone’s goal from that point forward.

  • Rae

    August 11th, 2014 at 7:55 PM

    Why do other people dismiss your depression or minimize it? Some people don’t get how I feel and that it’s not reasonable and with meds I recognize it and other times I don’t. Is it normal to have chest pains, cry for no reason and sometimes don’t want to live? It feels like a daily battle.

  • Jill

    August 17th, 2014 at 4:25 AM

    Those are normal sweetie. Talk with you doctor about changing dose, medication, adding a booster like Abilify, maybe talk therapy. You can beat this monster. I did. Write me if you want to talk. Anyone on this site is welcomed. Hang in there my friends. Your life is worth finding, reclaiming and living!!! Hugs sweethearts. Jill.

  • ashiq

    August 20th, 2014 at 1:28 PM

    I was wondering if I could talk to about my problems, I don’t know whether to call it depression or not, all I know is that everytime I come home, or I’m with family, I’m most of the time unhappy, it’s like they hate me, i get treated differently, i have a love hate relationship with my family, but i mostly feel hate, so much hate that I end up loving my friends more than family. I cry, i feel sad, I buy alot of money to keep myself happy, but really buying something can only keep you happy for soo long… I don’t know what to do, i love the fact I’m alive and try to live to the fullest, but how can someone live with no love but just pure hate… I get bored at home and hate having to see family just look down on me and put more hate on myself, I want to cry but keep my emotions hidden, I’m not allowed to go out for too long or I’d get screamed at. I went holiday recently and my own uncle goes to me that he hates me and finds me boring and that I’m a s**t person to be with, while all my mates think otherwise, funny enough my mum called me on holiday and asked me why I am a boring person. I feel broken, at home if no one was in, I’d cry all day, friends bring out my smile so I don’t feel the need to cry to them. I’m only 19 years old, there’s not really much I could do, i felt this pain from college years, I’m in university now, and while I know I made the mistake of taken up the accommodation offer at uni, I still feel that would have made no difference to my depression/sadness. I don’t know how to live anymore, I just want to move out and live somewhere by myself, I can’t seem to find a job, can’t seem to do anything right in life, don’t even feel like there’s any point me living to be honest, I’m just a waste of space. I feel empty…

  • GoodTherapy.org Support

    August 20th, 2014 at 2:34 PM

    Thank you for your comment, Ashiq. We wanted to provide links to some resources that may be relevant to you here. We have more information about what to do in a crisis at https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html

    Warm regards,
    The GoodTherapy.org Team

  • Rachel

    August 13th, 2014 at 12:08 AM

    I’ve always been an optimistic, happy, bubbly and cheerful person.
    I’ve never seen myself as negative and even if I was upset, I would never let it get the best of me. In school I’m doing well acadamically and I’ve always been in a good social circle, I have a wide range of friend whom I knew I could seek comfort in. I’ve never felt like I had trust issues and everything
    Until recently, probably end of last year, everything changed.
    I got myself into some illegal doings and being underage, I wasn’t allowed to smoke but I did it anyway. Smoking didn’t help me in the long run but I sought it anyway. I found myself not being able to trust anyone, especially my ONE best friend whom I thought could help me but no…. she turned her back against me. left me hanging like i suddenly didn’t mean a thing.
    That’s fine…. I self harmed a lot and I’ve been doing nothing but booze and cigarettes. Many a times I wanted to seek help but… who could I turn to? I didn’t want anyone in school to see what I’ve became. They noticed a change but no one asked and even if they did, they laughed it off and said it was normal. So it did, this emptiness became something that was “normal” to me and I no longer felt it was bad or anything wrong. That’s when I noticed something wrong… Why is everyone doing better and getting better when I’m drifting away? Is it me? Everyone to me seems mad about me and I can’t take it. I still refuse to think it’s a mental illness or refuse to think something bad happened but honestly deep in my heart I know something’s wrong.
    I love my family, I’m blessed with a happy good family and it’s also why I don’t share much and I put on a show infront of them because I don’t want to worry them and let them see that their successful daughter has became something they never thought would be. so I wouldn’t be their nightmare. I want everyone to be happy….
    I usually never think of death as a bad thing. I still do. I don’t think death is bad; it’s something everyone has to face. But to face it too soon, it’s sad and horrible. And I’m just looking for my way out and I just don’t want to love and live anymore.
    How many times I’ve heard “I’ll always be there for you.” but I never felt it. In a room filled with all my close friends, I’ve honestly never felt so alone and out of place.
    I know I haven’t elaborated much about what triggered this and all. There are just so many things and I can’t seem to put them into words. I can’t seem to find the things to say.
    Maybe I’m just normal… They say it’s a phase… is it really? Please just……. let me out I want out.

  • The GoodTherapy.org Team

    August 13th, 2014 at 11:51 AM

    Thank you for your comment, Rachel. We wanted to provide links to some resources that may be relevant to you here. We have more information about what to do in a crisis at https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html

    Warm regards,
    The GoodTherapy.org Team

  • Jill

    August 17th, 2014 at 4:21 AM

    Get help. I’ve been where you are and was caught in trying to take my life. Thank God! It made all the difference. I was trying to hide it and appear normal. I didn’t want to bother or worry anyone. It almost got me. It’s been 7 years and I still have little boughts but know what to do to shake it quickly. I’m amazingly happy and so sad to think of everything I almost missed. And how much I now know my family and friends really did care. If you want to talk, I’m happy to darling. Big hug!!! Hope is so marvelous when it starts to filter back through. You may even giggle. Love to you, Jill.

  • Laurie

    August 20th, 2014 at 5:52 PM

    Hello! I would love to “talk” with you if you have some time. Your comments to others seem very kind, and I am really trying to find some people with whom I can talk about the way depression has affected my life. I do NOT have anyone I can talk to who really “gets it”, and this has become increasingly tiresome. Like really. So anyway, write back if you would care to hear my thoughts/share your own. Thanks!

  • Lisa M

    August 28th, 2014 at 9:24 AM

    hi Jill,
    My name is Lisa and I really would like to talk to you about your experiences and how you overcame them. I am currently in a relationship with my boyfriend who suffers from depression. He is on medication and sees his therapist once a week. I have been reading up on how to cope with his depression and its effects on our relationship, and trying to understand this disease and what I need to do. I love him with all of my heart and we have a long history together. I do not want to become depressed myself over this as I am trying so hard not to take things personal and trying to do what he needs in order to get well. I want to do whatever it takes to maintain our relationship and move foward in a positive manner. Thank you

  • Lisa M

    August 28th, 2014 at 12:04 PM

    Thank you for this page. It has offered me a lot of insight to this terrible disease. I too, am in a similar situation with my BF. To make a long story short, we dated 20 years ago and 3 years ago he came back into my life, partly to apologize for how he treated me back then.We became friends again and I have supported him throughout his struggles as best as I knew how. We recently started dating exclusively about 5 months ago when he nticed I started pulling away. He said he loved me and that he always loved me and that he couldnt lose me again. Over the past few months, things have been up and down and he is pulling more and more away from me. I amtrying not to take it personally but it is difficult. I feel like I am becoming depressed over this now because I feel like no matter what I do its not good enough. I have taken the advice from this column but I need to know if I need to walk away from this relationship. I can take on a lot and I am very patient but I too have needs. I have tried to talk to him without being judgmental, angry or overbearing but, depending on his moods, wind up being a whirlwind of emotions. Do I give up my needs to stand by the man I love more than anything? Do I communicate to him my thoughts or cover them up so I dont burden him? When is enough enough? How can I deal with these issues day in and day out and still maintain my own mental state? Please someone help me. He has even made the comment that he will never leave me again and that he will never hurt me again but he is pushing me to leave him. He is inadvertently hurting me and I dont know how to tell him. Any advice would be greatly appreciated especially if you are one suffering from this disease. Thank you

  • Teri

    August 25th, 2014 at 1:49 PM

    Hi Rachel,

    I understand totally. Can we exchange emails perhaps?


  • Barnie

    August 15th, 2014 at 1:21 PM

    This is a very accurate depiction of what the world looks and feels like through the lense of depression. Thank you for expressing it so well.

  • Vanessa

    August 15th, 2014 at 4:15 PM

    that was the best explanation Ive read. And helped me because Ive been struggling with this issue and feel very guilty that I cant just get myself out of this depression by being positive

  • Melanie

    August 15th, 2014 at 4:19 PM

    Great article. I too suffer from major depressive disorder. Most of the time, thanks to a healthy lifestyle,medication and therapy I am very happy however during the dark time is dark. I work as a therapist in many capacities and I always share my struggles with my clients so that they can see there is hope. I also want to express one of my biggest frustrations, when a written article states ” they admit that they suffered from depression” like the person committed a crime, I just read this statement in an article regarding Robin Williams. How is the stigma supposed to be decreased with these types of insensitive statements? Thanks for reading! Melanie Palmer, MFT

  • Kim

    August 16th, 2014 at 10:15 AM

    My family refuses to understand these things about my depression which has been almost constant for several years. I wish they would try to understand.

  • lora

    August 23rd, 2014 at 10:23 PM

    I was told today by my mom…who is a registered nurse…that I was using depression as an excuse to not pick up after myself…I totally shut down..we’re not speaking.. it’s not an excuse… it’s a reality…,,

  • Karen

    August 19th, 2014 at 3:16 PM

    Depression is…a non existence of life

    Depression is…a non existence

    Depression is…

  • Michael

    August 19th, 2014 at 3:47 PM

    “What It’s Like Inside a Depressed Person’s Head” is the Rosetta Stone of my depression; I’ve never been able to put into words what it is like, especially the feeling that people would be better off without me. Thank you

  • Mandi

    August 28th, 2014 at 12:50 AM

    I can barely read this because each sentence brings a new downpour of tears. I wish my family understood this. I never knew other people felt this exact way too. Just wish I could get my husband to care, to love me with this illness. I just need someone who can. He says that when I seem sick or miserable he thinks he just needs to give me space or just back off. That’s not what I need! That’s the worst!

  • GoodTherapy.org Editing Department

    August 28th, 2014 at 12:38 PM

    Thanks to each of you for sharing your experiences here. This ongoing dialogue is heartwarming, and we encourage you to continue talking about your experiences with mental health issues and therapy with a wider audience via the Share Your Story feature on our blog. Writing your story may be healing for you and encouraging to others. Learn more and submit a piece for review here:https://www.goodtherapy.org/submit-your-story.html

  • mallory

    August 28th, 2014 at 5:24 PM

    This is the darkest its ever been. I feel like I’m in a hole and there’s not getting out. I have 2 beautiful babies, a failing marriage and a friendship that has gone south over a bunch of nothing. I feel so overwhelmed, I hate life.

  • The GoodTherapy.org Team

    August 29th, 2014 at 9:19 AM

    Thank you for your comment, Mallory. We wanted to provide links to some resources that may be relevant to you here. We have more information about what to do in a crisis at https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html

    Warm regards,
    The GoodTherapy.org Team

  • Teniola a

    August 28th, 2014 at 10:16 PM

    This is the most realist thing ever. I’m very young & I have been going through depression for almost a year. and I don’t think anyone can put this into words better than this. This is the most exact way to describe depression.

  • Js

    August 29th, 2014 at 8:44 AM

    I just read this and sat in shock for a few minutes. I suffer from severe depression and I feel like no one understands me or like people are trying to diagnose me (the few family members I’ve told). When I told my mother (a nurse) to read this article and what is was about she told me I needed therapy and drugs before se even read it. She doesn’t listen and she doesn’t support me, all she wants is for me to take a “happy pill” probably so she doesn’t have to listen to me. It’s crazy that some people just refuse to educate themselves so they can try to help their family, sometimes I think it would be better to hurt myself just to prove a point, but that won’t happen

  • Cynthia Lubow, MFT

    August 30th, 2014 at 12:15 AM

    Laurie, was it me (the author of the article) you wanted to talk to?


  • jan

    August 30th, 2014 at 9:13 AM

    I am in therapy and at my worse…when I have major depressive episodes/suicidal thoughts…I find therapy useless. I am told to alter my thoughts and that if I don’t I will not be happy.
    you are correct that it is the wrong time. It makes me feel defeated and that my therapist has given up on me as well and that I am a disappointment.
    So how does one get through it? And what should we be doing in therapy. Sometimes my therapist will just look at me and say nothing.

  • Jim

    August 30th, 2014 at 12:39 PM

    I have been depressed on-off for close to a year now. When it all gets real low my world shrinks in and a lot of support is pushed to the outside. I have lost great relationships both girlfriends and long time friends, I’m scared every single day about how I feel. People tell me that things are out of my control and to try and move on!! It’s not that easy, I get consumed by my thoughts until I am utterly destroyed mentally and emotionally. I am lost at sea most hours of the day and scramble to keep my head above water. I’ve turned to many places for help and support and hopefully one day I can smile again.

  • Memma

    August 30th, 2014 at 7:36 PM

    I feel like I’ve been struggling with depression for as long as I can remember. When I try to think back to when I was happiest, the only thing that actually comes to mind is when things became so dark.
    I spend a lot of time upset with myself because I don’t think my depression is rational. I lead a good life. Perhaps a little lonely, but mostly because of myself.
    I push people away. I have such bad abandonment issues that as soon as someone gets remotely close I shove them away just because I’m so sure they will leave me anyway.
    I cannot form actual relationships with people. I am so distant. But so good at putting this smile on my face that everyone is convinced.
    I’ve always avoided therapy for many reasons.. Or excuses, maybe.
    But lately I’ve been reconsidering.

  • Kyle

    September 3rd, 2014 at 5:48 PM

    My depression started slow. It started when I was 12 and that was nearly 8 years ago. I can still remember being happy then. I can’t remember how it felt, but I know that that was the last time the good outweighed the bad.

    Since then, it’s been a slow decent into darkness. Quicksand is all too accurate a comparison. You don’t even realize it’s consumed you until you can’t climb back out, at least not without help.

    The pain varies from dull and throbbing to episodes of sharp and relentless anguish. Sometimes it nearly vanishes, and you think it’s getting better and that maybe you can function normally again before it tears you down again.

    I wouldn’t wish this on anyone, but I do wish that others could understand what it feels like.

  • Dawn

    September 4th, 2014 at 10:53 AM

    Absolutly everything I have never been able to put into my own words about the prison of depression. I am 42 yrs old and have suffered worse and worse major depressive episodes since i was 17. I have taken meds used drugs and drank heavely all in desperate efforts to just feel better. I am a christian and this sickness has had me so conflicted all my life that I had no idea if there was anyway God could possibly mean me when He says He forgives all who come to Him. It has become such a part of me now that I have no idea how to be or think any other way. I have been in such a state at one point as to not feel or think or have any emotion left just dead inside and not even caring to want to be any other way. just numb and content to stay that way. Through much divine intervention and desperation to live again i have began a med regimine again and I just have to trust everything to my faith. i speak to two seperate counslers one is my pastor the other my mental health provider. Its a slow ongoing process that i fight with myself alot to just keep going and putting one foot in front of the other. i am determined to live now, to not just exist and perform for my loved ones enough to fool them that im alive. I dont want to be dead anymore because now that ive been brought back i relize any life is better than where I was. I still sleep alot and have no real pleasure or drive or look forward to much but i have faith and trust and I want to live so thats progress enough right now. I urge all of those who are young or just in the beggining of this debilitating sickness to get help and just keep putting down each foot regardless of what things look like. keep talking even if you think everyone is stupid and they have no idea. sometimes its not so much the person yoour talking to as it is just getting it out. you will have little breakthroughs that surprise you and just when you feel like your doomed to walk this life forever someting will seem different sometimes. its slow going and you wont want to do any of it. Do it anyway. if you fall back and spend a week or so wallowing and sleeping so what you just force yourself alive and do it again anyway. do not let it become you, define you and then kill you body or soul. i promise that is so much worse. Much love and God bless!

  • mahala

    September 4th, 2014 at 12:21 PM

    This is so hard to live with I’ve been diagnosed with major depression borderline personality disorder and PTSD. It make life so difficult. I am a single mom of three kids and I fear they have been affected by all my depression disorders. I hope they never have to battle with this! I wish all if my family would read this so maybe they could understand me a little better! I feel like I’ve always been different from everyone in my family! I’ve done the something as most and tried making myself feel better with drugs and alcohol. It has only made it worse. I am a veteran and am very lucky to be starting some intense therapy in a few weeks. I’m hoping it helps but I am scared of what all it might bring out!

  • Dayna

    September 4th, 2014 at 1:38 PM

    This is a great way to explain depression. Im a bipolar depressed so everything is more intense than some things explained here. But im glad this was written cus I was tired of explaining it to people who always said it was is always in my head. The worst thing to say to a depressed person is your lying or just get over it. Its not that easy! I take meds but it doesnt always help. It all depends on whats going on around the person. I shut down and everybody thinks im ignoring them. I dont or didnt know how to explain it. This article helps alot!!!

  • Megan

    September 4th, 2014 at 8:45 PM

    This article perfectly put my feelings into words. I first experienced a deep depression when I was 12 (no known trigger- supposed chemical/hormonal imbalance) and it has come and gone in cycles my whole life. I’m 29 and I’m experiencing my worst bout of depression, but am fighting hard to get better. I have a strict schedule in place and am seeking help from my psychiatrist, psychologist, pastor, friends and family. I’m also actively avoiding destructive behaviors (day napping, alcohol, marijuana, caffeine, and fast food). I’m trying hard to redirect my negative thinking into something positive even if I don’t believe it yet.

    This article helped me explain to friends and family what I’m experiencing. I’m very thankful for this resource. Thank you!

  • Johnny

    September 8th, 2014 at 3:48 PM

    I have had severe depression and anxiety. My art as a artist helped me to keep things of my mind. For me painting is my life to show how i felt in the past present our just to keep bad thoughts of my mind. I am not cured but i believed it saved me life.

  • Kay

    September 9th, 2014 at 5:27 AM

    My husband is currently experiencing major depression. He only admit it about a month ago, although i’ve sensed his change of mood and behaviour for almost a year now. I’ve encouraged him to see a psychiatrist and next week will be his 2nd visit. This article helps me a lot in understanding the way he behaves to me lately. He repeatedly asks me to leave him – he said that he doesnt loves me anymore (to a point that he really irritated with me& my words). He taunted me with his cruel comments about my appearance, my lack of contribution to this family (i’m a small business owner, and the business has just begin to stable). I’m also to be blamed for all his failure (he perceived that way although he is doing very well in his career before the depression hit him).

    Sometimes i just need a reminder that he is behaving the way he is now is because of the illness, just to keep myself sane. He totally shut me out of his life but i’ll try to help him get through this. So everytime i am feeling down, i’ll re-read this article and it did make me feel better.

    Hopefully my beautiful husband will overcome this illness and we will become a family again.

  • Betsy

    September 11th, 2014 at 9:16 PM

    Kay, you are a very strong person to acknowledge where your husband is at and knowing you should stick by his side. He may not see it at this point but will one day. I hope you are able to see your value and beauty during this time because that can easily be lost. It’s so reassuring to know there are people like you on the world. :) my significant other left because he couldn’t handle the depression.

  • JK

    September 16th, 2014 at 3:00 AM

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. I literally live through the exact same experiences day in and day out, so knowing that there is someone else out goes through the same things is almost comforting to me in a weird way. I have really been struggling and find it hard not to place blame directly on my fiance, instead of remembering that it’s his depression talking and even though things seem bleak I need to continue to be encouraging, living ams supportive because one day (hopefully sooner than later) my loving and caring fiance will return.

  • Nova

    September 10th, 2014 at 9:48 PM

    Thanks. I am glad I read this. I have major depression attacks and am having one now. And have been having one for over a month now and it is steadily getting worse. I can’t afford to go see anyone for it and all my husband and family and friends say is it will be ok and I don’t understand why you are even depressed and you have nothing to be depressed about. Omg that chills me to the bone.. I have even had bad thoughts and such. That I have just decided to become a hermit/turtle. So not to talk to anyone about it and don’t have to worry about what they think or say. So here is to those awesome hermits and turtles. Signed, the sad sad angry hermit/turtle

  • Tina

    September 12th, 2014 at 8:57 AM

    OMG this is exactly how I am feeling but yet find it so hard to explain it. I’ve had severe depression for 20yrs and thought id finally found the ‘cure’ in moclobermide however the past few months I keep getting severe episodes. I hate everyone & everything and just want to crawl into a hole until it dissipates. I feel like it’s like a cancer inside me taking over me. My mind is fuzzy, I’m exhausted, I’m aching. I keep telling myself it’s ok it won’t last much longer however I’m even getting sick of telling myself that. I almost resigned from my recently promoted role but id end up on the streets. I’ve had counselling and different treatments but I feel the episodes are getting worse. I feel incapable of feeling anything other than debilitating misery :-(

  • Amy c.

    September 12th, 2014 at 5:01 PM

    I’ve tried committing suicide many times..I don’t want to do it now only because it would hurt my mom..how can I explain I will be so much happier if I didn’t have to deal with depression, deep depression then sometimes mania..on meds..43 ,..just so tired of living…like this.

  • Kassie

    September 14th, 2014 at 11:03 AM

    This article explained in words how I have felt, and lately, been feeling. I have been through some situations in my life in the past few years that no one should ever have to go through, namely finding out that after almost 10 years of marriage my “mother” decides to tell me that her and my then husband had been sleeping together and having a relationship since before we were married. I left him of course, with my 2 children, and no longer speak to my mother. Fast forward to now, and I am with the greatest guy who I love more than anything and who loves and has taken care of me and my kids, despite that he is 5 years younger than me, just finished getting his MBA in Business and has an amazing family who supports us all. No, things aren’t perfect and ideal, but there is no reason I should be unhappy…and yet, I feel that way at times. It usually begins with me complaining or getting upset about something, me relating that in the worst possible way, then a fight happens between me and my boyfriend. It ends with me feeling terrible for the way I’ve acted, which leads to my feeling worthless, no good for him, my kids, etc., feeling like he deserves so much better than me, my kids deserve a better mom, and me just crying uncontrollably.
    I have been prescribed Zoloft, but most days forget to take it, mainly bc if I don’t take it early enough in the day, it will keep me up at night. I take prescrived Adderall on occasion for Inattentive ADD, and also self medicate with drugs and alcohol, which I know is not helping but making things worse.
    I get to where I feel helpless, like I can’t do or say anything right, and I’m afraid that I will lose my boyfriend eventually. He says he’s not going to live like this, that I hate him and he can’t stand to be around me right now. He believes this is all in my head, that it’s something I should be able to snap out of. I try, but he doesn’t believe I try hard enough.
    I hate myself this way and just feel like giving up, like everyone in my life would be so much better off with me gone, if I’d just disappear. I know it’s my own fault for it getting to this point, but I just wish there was more understanding thrown my way.
    It’s just an encouraging thing to see that there are other people out there who has or is going through what you’re going through.

  • In love with a depressed man

    September 14th, 2014 at 11:32 PM

    Thank you for writing this article. I’ve been dating a man for over a year who has chronic back pain due to an injury. This has subsequently caused depression and anxiety. We recently moved in together and about a week after our move, he told me that he loves me but isn’t in love with me. He also said that he wants to make sure that he loves me for me and not because I have been there for him during his not so great days. We are both in our middle 30’s and we attend relationship therapy in effort to address this “lack of emotion,” (for lack of a better description). I wonder if he really isn’t in love with me or if it’s the depression talking.

  • marcy

    September 19th, 2014 at 1:33 AM

    Its depression. He might say a lot of other things he might not mean right now he’s going through a lot try to be there for him even it there’s really not communication there . he feels insecure because of the depression trust me he loves you but from his insecurity its making him feel you deserve better then him!

  • Charlotte

    September 18th, 2014 at 2:43 AM

    I cant feel anything anymore. Everytime i try to, it feels like theres something hard in my throat blocking me from feeling anything. The thought of it saddens me eventhough i cant even feel that sad feeling. whats wrong with me?

  • Angie

    March 28th, 2015 at 4:36 PM

    Hi! Have you asked a doctor about this? I wonder if your emotional “symptoms” have become physical symptoms. I’d actually be encouraged and find it interesting that you’re making a connection between loss of feelings and this physical sensation. I don’t get on here too often — wish you well.

  • Lisa B

    September 18th, 2014 at 9:50 PM

    I have battled depression since early childhood. My earliest memories were always clouded by saddness, depression and an overwhelming inability to keep from crying. My crying episodes started each morning as soon as I woke up and would continue throughout the day. My mother, brother and sister complained about how it was so annoying to live with an inconsolable child who had no apparent reason for crying. As I grew older, the depression plagued me in other ways. I found it impossible to form long term friendships. My self esteem was low and I had so many insecurities. I could not handle rejection so I withdrew myself from situations where failure was a possibility. I learned to isolate and build walls to protect myself. Today, I live in a fortress with walls so high and so wide, the outside world can no longer see me and I can’t be discovered by my demons.

  • Kaybee

    September 23rd, 2014 at 10:32 PM

    I read this and cried (not a shocker, but still). I’m 21 and have been dealing with these major depressive episodes since before I was a teenager. I’ve been in therapy and on meds for over nine years now. No combination of medication can help me. I never feel “okay”. I never feel like I want to live. I’m glad my feelings are validated here. I’ve gone through family therapy for years but I have a very unsupportive / uninvolved family. My current boyfriend (we plan on getting married and moving in together as soon as we can) is always trying to be so positive for me. Trying to tell me to be strong and I can do it. “Don’t let little things affect you like this!” It stresses him out too. But he doesn’t understand and that stresses me out more too. No one around here gets it. He thinks I can just take a deep breath and get over this. I can’t. It’s like a cancer that’s taking over me. I wish he would just accept that this is an issue I have to face and with his support it would be easier. When he blames my crying episodes on me being weak and then tells me it’s putting a strain on our relationship, it only makes me worse. I feel more insecure and scared and I don’t trust telling him things any more. How can I get him to just UNDERSTAND? I’m on a new medicine again and I can’t hold everything in because I’ll explode. Idk what to do. I love him, but he doesn’t know how this works.

  • nomdeplume

    September 25th, 2014 at 6:33 AM

    This is all good and well until the depression is that of a terminally ill person. At that point the article falls completely flat on its face.

  • maggie

    September 25th, 2014 at 1:30 PM

    Hi I’m 28 have amazing boys 9 &5 I s in a abusive marriage left about 4yrs ago if been with this bad depression for 10 yrs now I don’t know what to do now with a awesome man a happy one treats my kids with love but he just doesn’t get me he wantes me fixed but ywa

  • Jim

    September 29th, 2014 at 8:23 PM

    My wife of 15 yrs has been going thru depression for i believe at least 3yrs. Right after the birth of our now 3yr old. About a yr ago she went completly off the rails. I believe its hormonaly based do to all the physical issues that have developed in this time but regardless what the cause she still is extremely depressed. She claims she no longer loves me but refuses to leave or file for divorce. She’s no longer nuturing with our three daughters and just sits and reads. She goes to works , comes hone & goes to bed. Its like invasion of the body snatchers. She shows extreme anger & has over the last yr shuts out everyone. I read up on depression & consider myself now a single father of three little girls. Trying to convince her to seek help only brings out anger. Everyone keeps telling me to file for divorce & take the girls (she doesnt even disagree with me having them). Wtf does one do? When does this ever end?

  • dying inside

    October 1st, 2014 at 2:15 PM

    Jim as a long suffering depressive I really feel for you. As much as depression is like living in a hell I feel that anyone who has to live with someone suffering it is always on eggshells afraid to speak or do anything to tip the depressive the wrong way. You are doing an amazing job with your daughters as I’m sure most men would have been out the door by now. You need to decide what is best for you and your kids however I’m sure you still love your wife dearly. I’m not sure if an ultimatum would help as it may make her worse but for the sake of your kids my opinion is their welfare is more important. Hope things get better for you xx

  • Mandi

    October 1st, 2014 at 12:30 PM

    Thank you for putting words where I couldn’t find them.

  • Danny

    October 3rd, 2014 at 7:13 AM

    Wow! What a great peice-say mostly all that im feeling. I’ve got to say I cryed at least two times before I finished reading… I’ve been kicking and screaming caught up in the net of depression for as long as I could remember. I’m 21 years old now and its only now that I am acknowledging that I’m depressed. Ever since I was 15 up until now I think I could count at least 17 suicide attempts- with 12 being overdose… To me depression is waking up in the morning and getting angry at the fact that you’re still alive and trying to kill that anger by a false hope that the day could go quickly so that you can go back to sleep. Because the night is the only time you feel safe in, the only time you are freed from all the negative thoughts, free from feeling any thing because you lay peacefully and drown in you dreams. You dream of happiness as everyone else explains it.
    But once you wake up, the though of happiness disgusts you because all it does is molest or agitate your brain. It molests you in the sense that you know that you will never taste such greatness in your life. Happiness starts to feel overrated anyway
    You then feel hopeless and helpless, start to question your purpose in life – you ask questions like “if I can’t be happy then who am I here to serve?”. You question the system because it feels so routine- ( you are born, raised by parents, make friends, go to school, get a college degree, get a job, get married, have children then die…
    I sit every morning and think of the things that I want to achieve in life and all I see is darkness not even a small spark of light… or in more simpler terms all I feel about my life is that its like a blank sheet of paper – no moral campus pointing out to any specific direction, I feel lost and confused. It pains me so much to not be able to take control of my life. The pain is so much that I feel I am going to explode or something, then I start cutting to release the anger and pain slowly and softly. When I see the blood coming out everything starts to feel better and I actually can think straight. But only for a couple of hours does it last… and then I have to go through the same process over and over to get through the day.
    Some days it gets better and some days it gets worse. On the worst of days I just shut down everything, I don’t eat, don’t talk but lock myself in my room, close the blinds and sit in the dark coz its the only place i feel safe in… I recently started with therapy but I’m not so sure if its helping or not… thank you for the insights though, I can now explain to my family how my brain functions- something I was never able to do…

  • Hanat

    October 9th, 2014 at 5:28 AM

    My depression started late last year, when i had a break up with the man i loved with everything beautiful in my life. Just before the breakup, he had been given me attitude, i sorted to plead and talk to him about things, but i guess his mind was made up, but he dint say a word, few weeks to him saying it, i got a mail from a school i applied to for my Msc, and it was a rejection mail of my application. I told him about it, but he dint get moved, just few days after that he told me we needed to quit things. He gave excuses as to family matters and all, obviously he was lying. But that period was actually the last i really enjoyed happiness. I felt so sad and deverstated, i quit my job, i just wanted to be left alone in a room just to cry day and night. In the course of it, i develop a sever abdominal pain. Now the race is so tough that i dont even know which is worth battling. Most times i jus feel like running away from the world. Non of my family knows whats going on in my life. They just notice i cry but i tell them its nothing. Few of my friends know about it, and they have truly been helping. But i cant seems to help myself. I cry early in the morning, i cry at night. I dont leave my room. I need my life back. I am 28 years. I need help

  • One the other side

    October 18th, 2014 at 6:23 AM

    What is said here is truely the emotions I think my partner is feeling. Only I don’t know what to do to help. I cant be there to support him because I have had to move out and trying to talk to him is fruitless. He doesn’t deserve to feel this way and needs help but he not see anyone about it. In the meantime he believes he has ruined everything and too much damage has been done to our relationship to ever fix. But if he get the help he needs I’d be there for him no matter how long it takes. It’s not him that’s the problem but the body snatching depression. But what can I expect to happen now? Do I wait for the episode to pass? Do I try to move on? (I can’t get out of bed today due to feeling so empty and powerless) I would really appreciate experienced people to suggest what I do. Thanks

  • Hopeful

    October 23rd, 2014 at 4:15 AM

    This article has been so very comforting to me and to everybody who has posted comments you are all so brave and inspiring. I am in a similar position as some where my amazing partner has suffered from severe depression for the last 18 months and has recently become so frustrated at the restrictions his medication brings he has, in conjunction with his doctor had the dosage reduced. This has had a significant negative effect on him and he has fallen into a depressive episode. I have always tried to be supportive but as the article implies you can’t always help people who are in the grip of something so frustrating. All I can do is be there for him. The problem is that I have been the first line of attack and he has instantly shut me out. He won’t speak to me and has cut off all means of communication. He just tells me to go away as it is over. I am afraid for both him and myself as I am expecting our first baby in the New Year which we were both so thrilled about initially. He is now going to miss the important scans and appointments and if things continue probably even the birth. It is so hard to remain supportive when you feel like your world is falling apart and the person you love appears to despise you as well as themselves and can no longer see how amazing we were together. It has been very consoling to understand through this article though that I am not alone in this. Many thanks and Take care.

  • bud24

    October 23rd, 2014 at 5:43 PM

    I stay depressed because I can’t find a way to let go of all I’ve been through growing up from my mother abandoned me and all the foster homes was in and group homes and being thrown around to family members my mom and dad didn’t want me so I feel like I was being punished for it I beaten and rapped growing up because of that and I’m 20 years old now but I still feel hurt and on top of all of that my son gets took from me because I had weed in my system and that hurts me most of all because I love my son and I would do anything for him even though I didn’t have mom growing up I would show him I love him and I would be there for him I feel so hurt I feel like no on cares about me

  • EMN3102

    October 25th, 2014 at 12:52 PM

    I have been battling a depressive episode caused by the separation from my husband of 30 years because of an immigration issue. Due to severe early childhood trauma, i have lived my whole live with Complex PTSD. I feel alone yet I can’t ask for help. My adult daughter and her husband who are living with me know I feel sick due to this crisis, but left this morning telling me to have a nice day. I’ve been having trouble cooking for myself and i wish they would make extra food and invite me to eat with them. But she insists it’s my responsibility to care for my own needs and gets annoyed. This makes me feel ashamed of feeling needy (I’m usually very capable of taking care of myself). I have been left with huge financial responsibilities as a result of his deportation. Depression makes me feel exhausted and confused and frozen when i have to make many new big life decisions. My daughter only gets angry when i start to cry, her husband says nothing.
    I spoke with my husband which always makes me feel better and i finally made some toast to eat. I feel so tired right now though knowing I’m not alone seems comforting. Major depression clouds my world and even my medication doesn’t work that well. All i want is some relief.

  • Sparky

    October 27th, 2014 at 7:22 AM

    This is what I used to help me describe to my boyfriend how I was feeling, particularly as the example given about not feeling love, is extremely applicable. I simply feel hollow and desperate most of the time. I’m both needy, and I consistently push my boyfriend away and doubt his love for me . I feel exhausted and drained and just want it all to go away. I don’t know how to get through it, i’ve always felt like I could depend on myself and now I feel like I have nothing

  • ambivalences

    November 11th, 2014 at 9:56 AM

    You’ve described my situation exactly. Ive gotten to the point of wanting to leave him (even though I don’t at all) because it isn’t fair to him and he doesn’t understand what I’m going through and I feel he’d be better off without me. I’m going to start back on Citalopram but I need direction because Ive fallen so deep that even in starting meds I want to put my life back together and I just don’t know how. Every episode of crying I get more and more stuck.

  • Foofurr

    October 27th, 2014 at 8:39 AM

    I am 44 year old female who is severely suffering. I have had depression a d anxiety before I knew there was a name for it. As a child I wanted to be left alone. I would go I to closets at 5 years old to hide. I yelled at anyone who disturbed me when I was by myself and interrupted me, startled me or tell me good morning or anything really. I remember taking knives to stab myself and broke a mirror to cut my wrists at age 11. I don’t remember any trauma that would cause this behavior. At 12 I was sexually abused at 15 traumatized mentally by grown neighbors and both brothers drinking and using drugs. After my neighbor accused me of hurting their child (which I did not) police called by my parents because of what they did to me inside their house. My first real attempt was directly after this incident with my neighbor who told me I should kill myself and told her husband to get the needles out of her room and told me air alone into a vein would kill me I instantly. From that moment on I quit living. After so many days of not going to school my mother Said to me you just give up when things get hard. So I took 800 aspirin as soon as she uttered the last word. Please be cautious of what you say to a depressed person because one word you think will help push them to help themselves may end up pushing them in the direction of suicide. You cannot reason with a depressed person any more than you can a person who is drunk or on drugs. I have often linked myself worse than a drug addict because I know I am hurting e everyone around me. My parents did not force me Into therapy. For parents of minors and any loved one or spouse PLEASE LISTEN. You HAVE to do this. They will hate you at the time so be prepared for it. File a 5150 with the police if you have to. We need you to be strong where we cannot be. We will hate you, cry, refuse treatment just like an addict will do because we think we should be able to control it. We should be strong enough etc. It is a disease as serious as cancer so treat it as such. We will eventually find a way. I lived with putting a happy face on for years so no one would ever suspect. If you have a loved on who has suffered before and now seems happy, works a lot, or goes to work then immediately goes to sleep every day. You need to question this. They may be faking it and are so exhausted by the time they get home and cannot keep this up. I did thus and survived for 7 years and at 22 when things were actually going well for me I started have debilitating panic attacks upwards of 80 times a day and was hospitalized for 3 weeks. Got on medication and seemed fine until you feel like you don’t need it anymore. I feel fine now I can handle it syndrome. Take control of filling meds and dispensing them. Yes we will hate you for this so be prepared. Never leave meds of any kind out where we can find them even if we seem stable. We are like addicts you have to treat us a such. We are addicted to solving a cure fir the pain meds are an easy overdose tool. Some of us with anxiety issues that have a script for meds may use these as an out if symptoms reappear. Take them to the doctors appointments and weigh in with the doctor alone. We lie and believe our own lies. I have never had anyone step up in thus way for me and secretly deep down we desperately want someone to care this much even while kicking and screaming. I have talked, medicated etc and nothing has helped me. I have given up my life or what could have been had I had someone there to force my hand. I am not blaming anyone. I know my parents family and friends love me. I am telling you this because this is what we need someone to be for us. Even now as I am writing this I am contemplating another suicide attempt. I had a stroke earlier this year and can no longer work. I have an amazing enabling g family who would do anything for me except do the hard thing and try and have me committed. Having no insurance does hinder this ability for them I know. I feel like a burden to everyone so I hide in my room. I have too much of a conscious to do anything messy or hurt someone else in the process usually. Since my stroke my ability to reason is gone. I made my last attempt in August. My parents were in vacation and I locked myself in a garage with the car running for over 3 hrs and still did not die. My father at age 17 found his father dead in his car in their garage. I would have never even contemplated this method before. What kind of person would do that to their father?? In my mind I knew he would understand and forgive me and I still feel this way. Today I am looking into how to take his gun off safety and use that. He leaves it in his car. I have never thought if using a gun until now. When I almost died in August my grandmother came to me and Said no matter what you do it will not work it is not your time. She has come to me e every time I feel this way and try to figure out a way I can end my life with the same words. Usually these words work and my fear if going to hell stop me but today the words did not come and I am not afraid because this is worse to me than hell would ever be. I have prayed every night of my life for God to take me and I still wake up every morning. When I tried the first time I cried and Said in so bad GOD doesn’t even want me and I heard back you are here be cause I love you . I made a promise I would never try again because of those words even though I still prayed every night for him to take me. I didn’t even die from a stroke seriously?? That is when I broke my promise this year. To me I think let’s quit upset footing around and use a gun. Believe me the attempts will get more serious if you keep surviving. If you are someone who loves someone who has taken their own life do not blame yourself. It isn’t because they don’t love you it’s because they do and in their mind they are doing you a favor. You can breathe again and don’t have to worry about them any more. I want people to be happy to know I am no longer in pain. Trust me I haven’t lived a day or did anything with my life. 44 years of NOTHING. What a waste. I will never understand why GOD keeps me here when I beg him to take me instead of someone who wants nothing more than to live. Please I would trade places with you if I could. I feel guilty every day I am Alive and someone so great passes away. Someone who would have given the world so much and here I sit in a ball unable to move. Yep I’m a great member if society.

  • Foofurr

    October 27th, 2014 at 9:01 AM

    Just for clarity I have never self medicated with drugs or alcohol. 1 because my mom couldn’t handle another child with addiction issues. My dad was an alcoholic, her father and both of my brother’s so that has never been an issue for me. I tend to feel like I deserve the pain I am in and don’t feel like I should take it away. I know I am weird but it is a legitimate feeling for me.

  • GoodTherapy.org Support

    October 27th, 2014 at 11:27 AM

    Thank you for your comment, Foofur. We wanted to provide links to some resources in the hope that they may be relevant to you here. We have more information about what to do in a crisis at https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html

    Warm regards,
    The GoodTherapy.org Team

  • Christina

    October 31st, 2014 at 3:04 PM

    Wow!! ! I’m 41…im very liked and somewhat successful. . Two amazing boys… but I don’t want to be alive nor do I want to die. I just want the suffering to end. I feel trapped all the time. The pain I would cause on my beautiful children is insurmountable. That keeps me going everyday. .I’m a genius at hiding it… but im so exhausted from acting everyday. I think I have every disorder…. I have bad anxiety.… I feel so low. I’m always afraid that this is, my sentence. Thats sp very sad. I want to be in a great relationship 💑… and have an amazing life.. I feel so guilty for my family that they worry about me… and feel like a failure 😣 cause I can’t resolve it. I work out… medidate… pray 🙏… .challenge myself… but I have been this way as long as I can remember. I can’t get too close to people bc I can’t let them see how broken I am. ThereforeI am. So lonely. I llaugh 😄… play the part… but I’m crumbling inside. I have done years of therapy… meds… yet no success. I quit talking about it… its a broken record… im tired of my story. I do believe if I were no longer here my kids r the only ones that would truly suffer. It seems it would be a relief to everyone else… in the long run.Life would go on. Depression is cancer of the soul. Its not a visible illness so ppl dont understand. I watch ppl… and envy their lives.. If only I didnt have it… .the possibilities!! !!!! I just don’t want to suffer anymore. I feel sorry for ppl close to me bc I am not normal: (:(:( they deserve more. I can’t find love ❤ when inside im broken. I guess I just live a miserable life… and hopefully in the end God repays me for my suffering. God bless everyone… its so hard.

  • Angie

    November 7th, 2014 at 1:03 AM

    I feel so much like you’re describing. We have to do this for our kids and keep praying that this is, one day, going to pass — and — pray hard we don’t pass it onto our children. I’m concerned also that my dark outlook on life is affecting my once very happy husband, marriage & home.

  • Cindy

    November 16th, 2014 at 2:05 PM

    Hi Angie…..feel exactly as you do….thank you for posting. Cindy

  • Cindy

    November 16th, 2014 at 2:03 PM

    Hi Christina. Thank you for sharing your post and your feelings. I, too, have suffered from depression and mental illness which is extremely acute at the moment. Started seeking help in 2001…psychologist, therapists of every sort, medications ( took me months and 5 different anti depressants to find the right one. It certainly is a roller coaster. I have long periods of actually being in “remission” and that is when I believe I may have cracked it….but inevitably, it rears its ugly head and the downward spiral begins. I have been off work for the past 6 months as my job is too stressful for even a “normal mind”. I am in a horrific place in my mind. I have spent many hours truly believing my family and friends would be so much better off if I did not exist. That is not a statement to make anyone feel sorry for me…..it is just what I know is true. There is no light. I have hurt and screwed up everyone and every good thing in my life…and I am scared that, this time, I won’t be able to crawl out of the hole that I am in….too much quicksand and I am SO exhausted from this battle.
    I just want to be normal. My husband says he understands and he does try, but he thinks that depression is a lifestyle choice……
    Not sure what to do. At least I know that there are other people out there that feel the same and are actually experiencing what I am. Thank you again…

  • heidi

    November 21st, 2014 at 4:27 PM

    Our family just lost a close family member to suicide. Believe me when I say that your children will not be the only ones who suffer. We are all deeply grieved and confused.she obviously his her depression well because we didn’t have any idea. Please talk to your loved ones. Keeping it secret is not helping them or you.you said you pray. Please continue to reach out to God He will & can dhelp you talk tell please. Do not hide it.we are hurting so much. We wished we knew something. God bless you!

  • Bernard

    December 10th, 2014 at 9:01 PM

    Hello Christina. Pretty name.
    Stop fighting the pain. Accept it as it is in any given moment. Give in to it. It won’t rule you as it does now. Don’t let your mind rule you. Rule your mind. I highly recommend visiting YouTube and looking for conversations with Eckhardt Tolle. You will get through this. : )

  • sophie

    November 2nd, 2014 at 1:51 PM

    You are a good member of society you just don’t know it. Everyone has a place and a reason especially you x

  • naved

    October 28th, 2014 at 8:54 PM

    My spouse just recently found out after 15 years he suffers from severe depression… He’s left myself and kids once and is thinking about it again. The above article describes him perfectly. As a spouse who loves her hubby more than anything help him? I Dnt want him to leave me and his kids.. We wanna support and help him as much as we can… So what can we do? He did talk to one therapist… But he thinks he’s just “damage goods” but I’m not willing to give up on him … None of us are… So please how can we help?

  • Christi

    November 1st, 2014 at 8:57 PM

    I’m losing a relationship right now because she doesn’t see it as an illness. Very painful.

  • Bernard

    December 10th, 2014 at 8:53 PM

    Been there. You are not alone. It is what it is. Don’t knock yourself out trying to fight it. Accept the pain for what it is,in the moment, each moment and it will eventually pass. Then you will smile. : )

  • clare

    December 24th, 2014 at 4:46 PM

    I’m relating totally to so much stufor on here.I think I’ve lost my partner too. I’ve finally started to admit I’ve got a problem and I’m urging and crying out to my partner to read about it and hopefully gain a bit of understanding but I’ve been called a psycho, a nut job and stupid. I adore this man and I realise that I have issues right now but I truly believe that this attitude is making his worse. All the best to you xx

  • Shaine

    November 4th, 2014 at 5:16 AM

    I wrote this 2 years ago, when i was twelve.

    Who are you?
    Only you know.
    But what if you don’t?
    What if you never do?
    Then you find yourself,
    Floating in oblivion.

    I knew something that i dont know now, thats for sure.

  • George

    November 4th, 2014 at 6:26 AM

    Hi im 35 and i starting having bad anxiety attacks while driving last year feb so bad i stopped driving and stopped leaving the house. Thats when depression hit me like a ton of bricks but i didnt know it was depression i just woke up one day cryng bcus everything looked dark and gray and gloomy thru my eyes i mean my whole world looks n feels different like im in a cemetary all day the gloom is so intense like im in a horror movie. IM sleep deprived 3-4hrs a night for the past year . Is what i describe depression or major depressive episode? Bcus im begining to think im losing my mind or have a brain injury or psychosis..this depersonalization derealizationn from anxiety too i am not on meds just once a week home therapy but i feel drained and sad and was wondring how long do these episodes typically last ?

  • Penny smith

    November 8th, 2014 at 8:07 PM

    What a lot of depressed and anxious people don’t realise is that these conditions can be treated often within weeks, by medication and therapy together. So many people are afraid of medication, butl it can really turn your life around so you can enjoy living again!!
    If you aren’t convinced, at least give it trial!!

  • donna

    November 11th, 2014 at 3:26 PM

    I know what your going through im experiencing the same episodes consistently trying to work out whats normal and am I ever going to feel normal again at the same time it scares me to feel normal.
    I am now 33yrs old ive suffered with a dissociative disorder anxiety and panic disorder aswell as depression since I was 14yrs old. Ive never lives a fullfilled life since however during that period ive had 2 epodides where I
    Got so bad with my condition that it took 2-4yrs each time to come out of it. Now im sick again home bound dont want to leave for any reason even to go doctors as everything seems strange to me eg. What im doing, how im thinking life in general. Its soo hard right now but cause ive been hear before I kniw I will get better but the waiting period sucks. I am at a point where I feels so weird and scared everthing is a struggle. Dont worry it may seem like you eont get better but you will its just a battle we can only fight. The less you seek help the better you will feel.

  • Angie

    November 7th, 2014 at 1:00 AM

    Christina captured my “mood” fairly well. I do think my husband would be better off with another, happier, more functional wife. I can barely leave the house. Can barely get things done in a day, week, month that most can do in much less time. Disorganized, sleep-deprived, anxious and grumpy. That’s me. I love in a small apartment in a beautiful country. But I get the feeling that I have no control over this person (me) who seems to be living inside my body. Like a thief. They go about the business if their day and I have no control over it .

  • Swati

    November 7th, 2014 at 9:35 AM

    Hi. This is an article which describes major depression so well. I have been in major depression since nov 2014. Although i am better now, but i still go in depression easily. I have stopped my medications. and i am doing fine. People need a lot of love and care during this phase. And support from someone who really know what it feels to be in depression. You are doing a great job. I want to be part of it so that i can help others. Please let me know how can i contribute

  • Kristen

    November 7th, 2014 at 8:27 PM

    This article and the comments are so hard to read. I struggle daily with my depression. ECT,medicine,counseling and CBT have helped but my life is chaotic and it seems like there is always something else going on that makes it harder for me to deal with everyday living. My parents have been wonderfully supportive and my 12 year old and I have moved back in with them. There are so many aspects of my depression that my mom still doesn’t understand.

  • jessica

    November 13th, 2014 at 1:58 PM

    Hi,I’m 18 years old and not a day goes by that I don’t think about suicide. I’m practically sad most of the time. Sometimes I don’t even know why. I cry alot,and then there’s days when I don’t cry. Where I just go numb. I always feel its me against the world. I hate myself,and it gets worse at night,-when I’m all alone.
    I have to wear long sleeves to cover up my wrists.
    I don’t know how depression got me. It just did.
    I once enjoyed life,but now…Now its one miserable dark tunnel which has no light at the end.

  • The GoodTherapy.org Team

    November 13th, 2014 at 3:39 PM

    Hi Jessica,

    We received the comment that you submitted on our blog earlier today. Thank you so much for visiting GoodTherapy.org. If you are experiencing a life-threatening emergency, in danger of hurting yourself or others, feeling suicidal, overwhelmed, or in crisis, it’s very important that you get immediate help! You can do one of the following immediately:

    • Call your local law enforcement agency (911);
    • Go to the nearest hospital emergency room;
    • Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 (TTY:1-800-799-4TTY)

    The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is equipped to take a wide range of calls, from immediate suicidal crisis to providing information about mental health. Some of the reasons to call are listed below: • Call to speak with someone who cares;
    • Call if you feel you might be in danger of hurting yourself;
    • Call to find referrals to mental health services in your area;
    • Call to speak to a crisis worker about someone you’re concerned about.

    If you are a victim of domestic violence, you can call your local hotline and/or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−SAFE (7233) (TTY 1−800−787−3224)

    RAINN provides support for sexual assault victims and their loved ones through two hotlines at 800.656.HOPE and Online.RAINN.org. Whether you are more comfortable on the telephone or online, RAINN has services that can guide you in your recovery.
    • The National Sexual Assault Hotline: If you need support, call 800.656.HOPE, and you will be directed to a rape crisis center near your area.
    • The National Sexual Assault Online Hotline: is the first secure web-based crisis hotline providing live and anonymous support through an interface as intuitive as instant messaging.
    • For more information visit http://rainn.org/get-help/national-sexual-assault-online-hotline.

    Warm regards,

    The GoodTherapy.org Team

  • lisa

    November 15th, 2014 at 7:29 AM

    I don’t know why but I feel like I’m the reason for hurting everyone.
    I can never make any one happy in my life rather hurt them intentionally or unintentionally .
    I feel like dying every moment.
    I can’t feel any thing. I just feel numb.
    no can understand my words.
    I don’t know why.
    its very painful.
    its like I’m loosing my self.
    I used to enjoy life.
    but don’t know how I got into depression.
    please help me.

  • Pam

    November 29th, 2014 at 3:01 PM

    I feel your pain Lisa, you are not alone. You and I, we can endure this. Breathe with me in slow and deep and out as gently as you can. Focus on the feeling of breathing, does the air feel cool in your throat, does it fill your chest and when you release your breath how does it feel? I’m holding your hand and breathing with you

  • Angie

    March 28th, 2015 at 4:47 PM

    Breathing is so helpful. 100% second that and it makes you realize that at least some things are within our control: breathing!😌 Thank you for the reminder! A doctor told me to practice deep, “Diaphragmatic Breathing” and gave me a print out during a time when I was beginning to experience some terrible anxiety attacks. I’m experiencing them again now along with mild/moderate depression and I’m going to start “breathing” again. Not only have they helped me through past anxiety attacks, they really can relax me, too. I hope everyone looks this up and at least tries it a few times.

  • Bernard

    December 10th, 2014 at 8:46 PM

    Hi Lisa. I highly recommend that you look to YouTube for various discussions by a man named Eckhardt Tolle. He teaches people in pain to stop fighting it. Just accept it in the moment for what it is. You can not change it. You can change the way you think about it. It is not the circumstances that are making you feel the way you are, but the way you are thinking about them. The good news is that with practice you can change that! I don’t know you but I care about you. Check eckhardt out!

  • Connie

    December 28th, 2014 at 4:16 PM

    Lisa, I too feel your pain and wonder when I will ever do anything right anymore for my kids or my boyfriend. I feel as if my world has turned inside out and I cant climb out of this deep dark whole I have fallen into. I’m so glad I came across this sight as I too know I’m not alone and we can all take this journey together. Praying that we can all find peace in our lives and get back to becoming the fun/ happy people we used to be!!! Hugs sent to you

  • Debbie

    May 31st, 2015 at 1:41 PM

    Oh Connie…. That’s what I PRAY for!!!! To be my old happy…(content) and fun self once again!!! I miss her ever sooooo much!! I know you do too!! Thanks for sharing!! I hope only the best for you and all who have shared!!!!

  • Jesse

    November 18th, 2014 at 12:57 PM

    Hi, so I am 16 right now and I feel as if I’ve been dealing with depression for about 3 years I’m not sure if I actually have depression or If it’s just like sadness but I constantly have headaches I refuse to speak to anyone I refuse to eat I haven’t eaten in months (other than the side snack) but I do not have hope in anything I rarely leave my room and I hate anything and everything. I don’t smile. And idk I just feel as if I have severe depression. I often think of killing myself but then I think about my mom and start to cry even more and i just don’t know what to do anymore I can’t sleep. And I always feel like I’m moving in slow motion..


  • The GoodTherapy.org Team

    November 18th, 2014 at 1:27 PM

    Hi Jesse,

    We received the comment that you submitted on our blog earlier today. Thank you so much for visiting GoodTherapy.org. If you are experiencing a life-threatening emergency, in danger of hurting yourself or others, feeling suicidal, overwhelmed, or in crisis, it’s very important that you get immediate help! You can do one of the following immediately:

    • Call your local law enforcement agency (911);
    • Go to the nearest hospital emergency room;
    • Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 (TTY:1-800-799-4TTY)

    The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is equipped to take a wide range of calls, from immediate suicidal crisis to providing information about mental health. Some of the reasons to call are listed below:
    • Call to speak with someone who cares;
    • Call if you feel you might be in danger of hurting yourself;
    • Call to find referrals to mental health services in your area;
    • Call to speak to a crisis worker about someone you’re concerned about.

    If you are a victim of domestic violence, you can call your local hotline and/or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−SAFE (7233) (TTY 1−800−787−3224)

    RAINN provides support for sexual assault victims and their loved ones through two hotlines at 800.656.HOPE and Online.RAINN.org. Whether you are more comfortable on the telephone or online, RAINN has services that can guide you in your recovery.
    • The National Sexual Assault Hotline: If you need support, call 800.656.HOPE, and you will be directed to a rape crisis center near your area.
    • The National Sexual Assault Online Hotline: is the first secure web-based crisis hotline providing live and anonymous support through an interface as intuitive as instant messaging.
    • For more information visit http://rainn.org/get-help/national-sexual-assault-online-hotline.

    Warm regards,

    The GoodTherapy.org Team

  • Kelly

    December 20th, 2014 at 5:23 AM

    Dear Jesse,
    Your comment sounds eerily similar to 16 yr old son. As a mother, AND a person whom has struggled with my own severe depression for many years, i wanted u to know i feel a connection with you. If only there were a way for yourself & my son to share ur feelings with one another it may help u both to know theres someone out there that truely understands u. I try to tell him all the time these feelings are nothing to be ashamed of, just the contrary, it shows great strength, intelligence, maturity, & love n respect for those in your life that care about u. His dad committed suicide less than 2yrs ago n it broke my heart to lose him from my life but was devastating watching my son deal with it all. And i just know i couldnt go on living if something like that happened to my child. I BEG u, from a person that knows first hand just how hard it is to do, please, talk to your mom or someone. I really believe, at the very least, u will find comfort in sharing the pain with someone and they will probably understand more than u ever expected. It may feel like the hardest thing u ever done, but in the end it will be worth it. Best wishes

  • Samantha

    January 25th, 2015 at 4:29 PM

    Hey jesse hun,I know wat ur goin through hun,im 32 and always felt like tat since I was 10,I always felt like I could deal withit myself,but the older I get the harder it is hun,I need help now as a adult but u beenin so young I will b here 4 u,if u need some 1 2 talk 2,pls talk and open up,im here if u need any1

  • Elizbeth

    November 20th, 2014 at 1:23 AM

    Foofurr… Yes you are a good member of the society, because you just showed me how you feel… And makes me understand a lot more my boyfriend that has depression. And somehow that will help me help him. Thanks for sharing your story. It is not your fault you’re going through this. You are a beautiful person for thinking about others, and i am sure your loved ones will be happy if you think about yourself too. My best wishes for you… Thanks for helping others.

  • kay

    November 20th, 2014 at 4:37 AM

    Hi I’m 24 andin the past week I have been diagnosed with anxiety, I can still do things like go to work, I have always been someone to talk to but since I’m struggling a bit with my anxiety I dont want to go out. I am worried thati am sinking into depression, I feel numb, I want to cry everyday. I’m hoping it’s just a bad mood but its been going on for nearly a week, I don’t want to get to severe depression. I can’t talk to anyone I feel that they have there own problems. No one needs my problems on board I’m here for others but I don’t want people there for me as I have never had it and it feels strange, I feel like I don’t care anymore. I feel like I’m on my own but at the same time I won’t let anyone in, and I think people are just judging me, I have never felt so guilty about everything in my life what do I do is it to early to go back to the doctors I only went Tuesday and I seem to feel a bit worse

  • The GoodTherapy.org Team

    November 20th, 2014 at 11:14 AM

    Thank you for your comment, Kay. If you would like to consult with a mental health professional, please feel free to return to our homepage, https://www.goodtherapy.org/, and enter your zip code into the search field to find therapists in your area. If you’re looking for a counselor that practices a specific type of therapy, or who deals with specific concerns, you can make an advanced search by clicking here: https://www.goodtherapy.org/advanced-search.html

    Once you enter your information, you’ll be directed to a list of therapists and counselors who meet your criteria. From this list you can click to view our members’ full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information. You are also welcome to call us for assistance finding a therapist. We are in the office Monday through Friday from 8:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. Pacific Time; our phone number is 888-563-2112 ext. 1.

    Warm Regards,

    The GoodTherapy.org Team

  • natasha

    November 29th, 2014 at 1:40 PM

    I’m a Samaritan. Talk to them if you need to. You don’t have to be suicidal. Sharing can help. I wish you well.

  • jenny

    November 28th, 2014 at 11:41 AM

    Hi,I deal with anxiety, depression every day. I have two kids, one with autism. I try to deal with it the best I can, I am taking a herbal supplement called anx_t. Its for stress support, anxiety. It seems to be helping. I hope others find a way to help their anxiety

  • darren

    November 29th, 2014 at 12:46 AM

    this is the first article I have read that actually describes what it’s like to go through a chronic depressive episode…so glad I am not at war with the black dogs anymore…I wish all those that are in a dark place the best of luck.

  • kate

    December 10th, 2014 at 8:08 AM

    I have been battling depression, borderline personality disorder and seasonal depression for about 15 years. I have been with my partner for 4 years. The one single thing I can’t seem to get through to her is when I’m depressed, there are some days I don’t say much. I don’t care to see anyone. I don’t care that I haven’t seen her all day because we have both been at work. I don’t care to kiss her. I don’t care to hug her or lay next to her. Even holding her hand can be out of my comfort level. It never fails, that i will have already expressed to her what a hard time I’m having that day and she picks a fight because I won’t “give in and just give her the affection she needs”. Which causes a large unnecessary argument. She says, ” I don’t understand why you can’t just do it”…. how can I get this across to her, that sometimes it’s just not possible. I have tried numerous times to get her to do research and read up on it…I have sent her arrivals myself. It’s like she literally refuses to listen and try to understand.

  • kay

    December 18th, 2014 at 2:45 PM

    hi kate. i read with great interest what you go thru and how ur partner reacts. my husband, we have only been married 4 yrs is a manic depressant and all u describe is exactly how he is like when he goes down….cant show love, etc etc but each time he gets bad he leaves me …. in fact 5 times on 4 years but i have always taken him back because i know he is sick but he wont admit he has a problem but the way you describe what happens is 100% like him. i am on this site now because he is on one now and i know he is getting ready to walk.

  • Angel

    December 18th, 2014 at 3:06 PM

    Kay, how long do his depressive episodes typically last? Do you also receive the “I need to make myself whole,” “I am too dependent on you,” “I am unhappy” speech? This is my second big walk-out experience and the experience still feels raw as it has been 5 years since the last one.

  • Angel

    December 15th, 2014 at 4:50 PM

    Looking for advice in regards to my significant other. Is it common for stress and major life changes to bring on a major depressive episode? He suddenly needs space, says he is unhappy and exhibits many of the symptoms of depression. He sees a therapist fairly regularly and is on medication, although he had been working on adjusting the dosage with his doctor. He has cut me entirely out of his life.

  • bill

    December 18th, 2014 at 11:06 PM

    I have battled with depression before. With meds and time things got better.A new episode has begun. I’ve been fighting for over three years. I was hospitalized for weeks. Not attempting suicide being locked in with drug addicts and people who have tried suicide depressed me even more.I’m so tired no amount of sleep makes it better. I’m told its all in your head but for me I know its not. I can’t eat and when that happens you can’t sleep because your hungry so then I’m tired. This is the violent cycle. The pain is so intense days you just want to set down and cry but I don’t no one wants to see a man cry.I fight to be the person everyone wants me to be never revealing my true self. The person I was before has died now I just wait for the rest of me to catch up. This is not living its existing.I stop searching for answers. I didn’t find it in a bottle or drugs I knew the answer wasn’t there. I thought church was the answer its not.I’m told that this is where I’m supposed to be if i wasn’t I wouldn’t be here. I hate life.

  • The GoodTherapy.org Team

    December 19th, 2014 at 8:20 AM

    Hi, Bill. We received the comment that you submitted on our blog earlier today. Thank you so much for visiting GoodTherapy.org. If you are experiencing a life-threatening emergency, in danger of hurting yourself or others, feeling suicidal, overwhelmed, or in crisis, it’s very important that you get immediate help! You can do one of the following immediately:

    • Call your local law enforcement agency (911);
    • Go to the nearest hospital emergency room;
    • Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 (TTY:1-800-799-4TTY)

    The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is equipped to take a wide range of calls, from immediate suicidal crisis to providing information about mental health. Some of the reasons to call are listed below:
    • Call to speak with someone who cares;
    • Call if you feel you might be in danger of hurting yourself;
    • Call to find referrals to mental health services in your area;
    • Call to speak to a crisis worker about someone you’re concerned about.

    If you are a victim of domestic violence, you can call your local hotline and/or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−SAFE (7233) (TTY 1−800−787−3224)

    RAINN provides support for sexual assault victims and their loved ones through two hotlines at 800.656.HOPE and Online.RAINN.org. Whether you are more comfortable on the telephone or online, RAINN has services that can guide you in your recovery.
    • The National Sexual Assault Hotline: If you need support, call 800.656.HOPE, and you will be directed to a rape crisis center near your area.
    • The National Sexual Assault Online Hotline: is the first secure web-based crisis hotline providing live and anonymous support through an interface as intuitive as instant messaging.
    • For more information visit http://rainn.org/get-help/national-sexual-assault-online-hotline.

    Warm regards,
    The GoodTherapy.org Team

  • sandy

    February 3rd, 2015 at 5:38 AM

    Hey I hear you. Your openness is admirable. Thanks for sharing.x

  • andrea

    December 19th, 2014 at 7:13 PM

    I’m 19 and I’ve had anxiety issues since I was in elementary school but I was officially diagnosed with anxiety/depression 3 years ago. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 6 months and he’s amazing but he gets upset sometimes that he can’t just make me happy or get over things and I don’t know how to get him to understand that 99% of the time the reason I’m upset has nothing to do with him and he won’t always be able to make me “get over it”, that it’s my problem that I have to work at.

  • Darcy

    December 20th, 2014 at 6:52 PM

    I don’t want to leave the pit. The pain is torture, but at least I know that no one else can hurt me anymore here. Shutting down has been the smartest thing I’ve ever done. The marriage will be over soon, but I know it’s for the best. I’ve had time to look back and realize what the marriage was never what I thought it was. He held all the cards, all the power. It’s best for him too because he won’t have to put up with me anymore. I’ve seen a shrink and he tells me I need to hold on for my grandchildren, but I know I’d just end up hurting them, too. I’m such a screw up I can’t even kill myself, I’ve tried twice and I can’t even do that right. When I see an obituary in the paper of someone younger than me, all I can do is scream that I would have gladly taken their place. I just want someone to know there are worse things than the pit I’m locked in. That would be trying to live in someone else’s world.

  • clare

    December 24th, 2014 at 1:18 AM

    I’ve only recently started to admit that I may have a problem. Haven’t been to doctors yet as I don’t know where to start and don’t want to waste their time. For last two years or so I’ve been getting regular bouts of this awful darkness where nothing is right. Can’t sleep for thinking of things I’ve done wrong.I analyse my personality.I feel like my partner loOKs at me and is disgusted. I hate it when he goes out and feel he puts his mates first cos he doesn’t love me. I can’t remember what it’s like to go anywhere and feel excited about it. Just wanna lay on couch and do nothing and not have the pressure of pretending to smile and make conversation with someone. With my partner I feel like my needs just come last and I’m just being swept along living someone else’s life. But I do believe this is true. My partner does tend to do his own thing a lot so when I try to tell him about how I feel he thinks I’m jealous when actually I just want a cuddle and someone to listen. But when I try to talk to him he gets angry and shuts down cos he thinks I’m insulting him. How can I make him understand. This message doesn’t even cover how I feel. I can function normally when I have to and I don’t want to die but I feel so alone.

  • Amadou SEY

    December 25th, 2014 at 3:53 PM

    I just want to say I have been suffering from these episodes of depressions for many years.
    Since teenage or adolescence to adulthood.
    At each time it was accompanied by a feeling not a good for nothing this that lead to smoking or using any kind of local or pharmacitical measure to make me feel free.
    A state of mind where I always wish to hide away. Even from my own family. Nothing seems to motivate me resume work. Or live the active life I used to live ambitious and highly self esteemed. Along with sharp pains of in the beginning my feet corns. To swollen legs at work. To now a sciatic back pain that pains almost at all moments now.
    Thus I take mesicaments such as pai. Killers and anti depressants ranging from Seresta 50mg to seroplex or eflexor pills. With insomnia pills. Which to relax I may even take two to three times or four times my doctors prescriptions. Along with smoking drinking green tea, once a day coffee cups. Sleeping the days and awake the nights an on frequent long EDS.
    Well I am depressed and suffering from an endless cycle of vices. That clamp my mind and body. Thus living me with a notion of helplessness. Inexplicable withdrawal from almost all things that normal life requireS.
    These are just to name a few.

  • Amadou

    December 28th, 2014 at 6:49 PM

    I have realized that most people suffer from one or another thing they don’t feel right.
    Pray prayers too may help and if available see a specialist who could prescribe you some education and medication.
    Today is the head tomorrow the a bosomed the abdomen.
    Or the head or another potion part I the body that pains.
    Well is so lucky for some to go out of it all. Episodes of depression as we call them come and go.
    So accept the fate and use all possible available ligal ways to pass through them.
    Naturally each thing has its time in life and naturally all things will sort out them selves onetime or another.

  • Nelly T

    January 9th, 2015 at 2:35 PM

    I have no pleasure in life…. What so ever…just existing in this world…for what? Depression its like doggy pedaling life in a ocean waiting to go under….

  • The GoodTherapy.org Team

    January 9th, 2015 at 3:31 PM

    Hi, Nelly. We received the comment that you submitted on our blog earlier today. Thank you so much for visiting GoodTherapy.org. If you are experiencing a life-threatening emergency, in danger of hurting yourself or others, feeling suicidal, overwhelmed, or in crisis, it’s very important that you get immediate help! You can do one of the following immediately:

    • Call your local law enforcement agency (911);
    • Go to the nearest hospital emergency room;
    • Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 (TTY:1-800-799-4TTY)

    The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is equipped to take a wide range of calls, from immediate suicidal crisis to providing information about mental health. Some of the reasons to call are listed below: • Call to speak with someone who cares;
    • Call if you feel you might be in danger of hurting yourself;
    • Call to find referrals to mental health services in your area;
    • Call to speak to a crisis worker about someone you’re concerned about.

    If you are a victim of domestic violence, you can call your local hotline and/or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−SAFE (7233) (TTY 1−800−787−3224)

    RAINN provides support for sexual assault victims and their loved ones through two hotlines at 800.656.HOPE and Online.RAINN.org. Whether you are more comfortable on the telephone or online, RAINN has services that can guide you in your recovery.
    • The National Sexual Assault Hotline: If you need support, call 800.656.HOPE, and you will be directed to a rape crisis center near your area.
    • The National Sexual Assault Online Hotline: is the first secure web-based crisis hotline providing live and anonymous support through an interface as intuitive as instant messaging.
    • For more information visit http://rainn.org/get-help/national-sexual-assault-online-hotline.

    Warm regards,
    The GoodTherapy.org Team

  • Gibby

    January 13th, 2015 at 1:05 PM

    I guess I see it as like fighting a tide..sort of like that guys post..but phrased a bit different ..efforts to keep yourself afloat..are so tiring..you eventually just want to give in and let it take you under..can’t keep fighting forever…

  • The GoodTherapy.org Team

    January 13th, 2015 at 2:52 PM

    Thank you for your comment, Gibby. We wanted to provide links to some resources that may be relevant to you here. We have more information about what to do in a crisis at https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html

    Warm regards,
    The GoodTherapy.org Team

  • Umesh

    January 15th, 2015 at 10:57 AM

    Guy’s trust me I feel your pain however trying saying this little prayer every night before going to bed!

    GOD grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference!


  • Ada

    January 18th, 2015 at 1:39 AM

    I’m 15 and for the past two years am starting to feel down more often. I talk to my friends about it but they don’t really seem to understand. Like I thinj it’s my fault…I learned that when people are looking, no matter who it is, smile and enjoy their company but am not entirely sure if am actually happy when around them or if it’s just an act I managed to master. I go to therapy but it doesn’t seem to help that much. Like with people at times as I said am ok but especially lately when alone or when no one looking I can’t seem to smile, I feel as if something is squashing me down and as if I will literally fall down and be unable to get up. I want to just stay in bed all the time am not hungry and only ever eat if people ask but even then I sometimes deny, I don’t really care about anything or anyone as much as I used to and I hate myslf so much for it. I have a boyfriend for a good few months but I feel he’s getting fed up with me because he only hears about it through texts and never actually sees me break down or cry or beg myself to stay happy or strong so I don’t hurt others. I am starting to get often panic and anxiety attacks and my mum says I can’t check for any mental illness or anything because we don’t have money. I just have no idea what is wrong with me…I kind of feel like all there is to me and my personality is the constant saddness and I know everyone will get sick and tired of me soon enough…I just want to be happy,I know am terrible at explaining but I don’t know how just…
    what should I do?

  • christine

    January 25th, 2015 at 7:03 PM

    Ada if you need to be heard then never stop trying to be heard. Be honest with your therapist about how you’re really feeling. I understand being worried about people getting tired of how you’re feeling and also your concerns about not wanting to hurt anyone. I feel those same things but you need to just take care of you. You are emotionally vulnerable right now, try not to be just another person who’s hurting you..good things .can come from this but you have to be brave enough to be your own hero. Look up information about anxiety and panic attacks and ways to help you cope with them. More people suffer from them than you could ever imagine….if your therapist isnt working for you you need to find out why. Maybe you just need a different one that can help you acquire the inner progress youre obviously looking for..you seem very bright and i applaud your bravery lovely young lady. Be strong. The people who love you won’t ways do what’s right for you.sometimes their concerns for us comes across as anger and fear….they dont know what to do…sometimes you need to teach people what you need from them…be clear..be honest..keep looking for support.there’s so many people out there who can help who know how to help you just need to find them…there are also people just like you who need your voice.they need the courage to speak up about their pain. Most people are afraid to speak out about how theyre really feeling but when WE speak up and were honest? It gives others the courage to do the same. You might be in pain…but youre still a beautiful light.keep shining

  • Angel D.

    January 19th, 2015 at 7:26 AM

    My website for support and to share your feelings, thesuicidewatch.org

  • e

    January 28th, 2015 at 9:14 AM

    I can’t pinpoint when I started feeling depressed. I have always been in my head if that makes sense. When I was little I always felt anxiety, never shared my problems and let it snowball until I couldn’t handle the situation. My adult life is not much better. I’ve suffered bad bouts of severe depression after childbirth, deaths of family members and breakdown in relationships. My mum always justifies these episodes for the above which I can understand. But what I know and have just let my mum know is that I always feel this way. I guess I can just mask it well or she thinks I will be fine after whatever is the norm after such stressors. Recently though I just can’t cope. I always feel just so nothing. Everything is murky and fog like. I have no concentration, EVERYTHING is hard. I cant sleep. My body is sore. Nothing gives me pleasure. Its heartbreaking because I know I should feel happyness when my daughters do something as simple as drawing me.a picture and telling.me jokes but I feel empty. I’m so irritable. I’ve found an outlet in reading, I guess its the escapism. I have basically isolated myself and I am suprised my.partner is still with me when I give nothing to the relationship.
    I have recently found out my gran (died when my mum was two)was in a mental health institute and died, I think her dress caught on fire and she died, I don’t know if she killed herself or if was an accident. Mental health issues seem to have affected most female members in my mothers side of the family. I’m terrified my depression is messing up my life to the point I cant repair it. I have docs app hopefully be jput on better tablets and will get counselling. I need coping mechanisms that work for me because what I’ve tried so far is not working. I have rambled here but I really don’t have the words to explain what it feels like.

  • Ava g

    February 1st, 2015 at 8:35 PM

    Just wondering if it’s just me why everthing just gets on my nerves and realy it shouldn’t or maybe they should . But I feel bad about it , and I’m not in any condtion to have that right ?? Can u giver alittle In site on what not to say or do ?

  • lisa

    January 28th, 2015 at 6:13 PM

    Since childhood i have always been unhappy. Was born with epilepsy and on meds for that until seizures stopped at age 9 At that age i stopped eating and developed an eating disorder. I also hallucinated on and off since i was very young. Long story short i have for years been diagnosed with clinical depression w/psychotic features and P.S.T.D on meds but i never seem to rise above some level of sadness or flatness. My man died just over a year ago. Grief is normal but it seriously triggers my diagnoses. It happened when my son died as well but this time it wont let go. I feel and see the world in 2D. I am so tired.

  • L.O.V.E

    January 30th, 2015 at 5:31 AM

    Its good to read all the real experience people’s shared in this article. Getting depressed at times, sad, and lonely strikes me it’s hard to relate to friends who have no idea how it really feels inside you. Instead of getting compassion you get scrutinized! !! What i do i read a lot of articles like this get educated and develop my self awareness so that im able to comfort and understand myself. I’ve been through hell since i came here in US, but my son is my reason to be always hopeful and be better at all things in life. Things happens for a reason and its great to be alive no matter what life brings us! :-)

  • saviour

    February 3rd, 2015 at 12:48 PM

    Hi, I’m 22 and just dropped out of the university cos of depression, I can’t read or concentrate and I’m so disorganized. I’m from a country were medical service are not readily available. My question is will there ever be an end to this? I think I have destroyed my life by myself.

  • jemmy

    February 4th, 2015 at 12:29 AM

    First of all don’t think about end of life.you have many reasons to live.it is just an episode, you can come out from it.so don’t worry.I recently going through breakup because my spouse is suffering from depression and he was decided for breakup.I tried hard to save our relation but he is not able to understand due to depression. So please don’t take any decision during this phase .just take time .also start medicine which is very important and also CBT .hope for best

  • Susan

    May 7th, 2015 at 9:15 PM

    You need to get some help. Go see your general doctor and s/he will help you find someone.
    I’ve been on meds since 1998.
    I am still out of focus, lack concentration, forget a lot, but I’m out of bed, at least.
    Best of luck.

  • Emma

    February 8th, 2015 at 8:35 PM

    I felt like there was this tiny voice inside my head called “hope”. It kept telling me to cheer myself up it kept trying to encourage me to do something fun. But honestly, nothing was fun anymore. I didn’t even like the things I used to like doing. It was like I never knew the meaning of fun. It really sucked. Depression is a hard thing to conquer. It feels like you’re “dead”, watching your body play the role of life. And I’m not afraid to talk about mine. I’m not ashamed of it. It wasn’t my fault. It happened for a reason. God used it to make me stronger, and God is using it to make you stronger too! The first step is admitting u need help! This was the HARDEST thing for me because I like to figure out problems on my own, but I couldn’t figure this one out! My mind was basically mush. When I got help from other people, it made my life better. No matter how embarrassed u are about coming out, it will all be worth it in the end. You’ll be a happier, healthier u!!

  • Rob G.

    February 13th, 2015 at 3:45 PM

    Thank you for such an effective description of what depression is actually like. I have to admit though that I find it frustrating when people talks about “episodes”, even my own doctors refer to “episodes”, when my experience of depression has been more or less permanent for fifteen years. I know I’m not the only one.

  • Jessica

    February 15th, 2015 at 10:36 PM

    I’ve been depressed and some how was able to get into a relationship with an amazing guy. I’ve been on mess for a while but stopped. I’m trying to get better without it. He seems a lot happier when knowing I’m off it.
    I had an episode not that long ago. I’m very bad at explaining my feeling and ended up arguing with him and eventually told him that I don’t feel comfortable around him because I can’t fully trust him. I immediately regret saying that cause I know that was not the right way to explain what I was feeling. I was feeling lost and was always thinking that he would never understand what I’m going through and would never understand what im thinking. (I can’t tell him what’s on my mind) hence the lack of trust. After that our relationship I feel has gone down hill. I’m scared to bring it up cause i don’t want to upset him again. All day all I can think about is that he’s tired of me and would rather be with someone else. He’s reasured me that I’m the only one who has his heart but I can’t come to except it.
    I’m not sure where I’m going with this, but I want to know if anyone with depression and in a relationship has kinda the same issue. Feeling as if you can’t fully trust them but at the same time love them with all your heart?

  • jemmy

    February 16th, 2015 at 11:08 AM

    Hi,I am so sorry for your condition. I heartily request you to not let to go yr partner plz plz…I want to tell you plz don’t leave him because of depression. I understand its difficult to maintain relationship and you feel guilty to let him suffer with you .but you can’t believe he deserve nothing but your response ,good or worse but just be with him.I m telling you this because my fiance just ended relationship because he is suffering with depression .he think that I never understand him but I really love him so much and don’t want to let him go. Just be there and support him but he was not ready to go further in relationship .and we broke up.it really feels scared for me.so its my advice to you don’t take any decision during this time. And believe in god he will do everything OK.

  • Johan

    March 3rd, 2015 at 10:17 AM

    I read your reply and i was thinking and trying to relate,more on what i hoped my ex girlfriend was feeling,only because she ended up saying “I’ll never understand her and i dont know who she is.ill never be happy because i need someone else to be happy,i will never change she will never change for someone!she wants someone to love her for her”I’m trying to decipher her words because it doesn’t make sense ,not then or even now!!!

    From my beginning:
    My mother died when i was 13 from all the types of cancers,i never really said goodbye to my mom because when she died she didn’t recognise me and that always sat in the back of my mind…after that my dad sort of “bribed” me with a motorbike to relocate 1800km from everyone i knew,i was a bit older then!didnt get that “promised land”nevertheless all my friends were all fading away,more and more,me always feeling that they not interested(as a 32 year old man i see now how everyone settles down and everyone have new joined lifes with loved ones…like it’s just as if they too busy with their own shit to do something or respond to anything else) not much has changed but maybe me realizing people don’t care anymore.I’ve been through some relationships with beautiful women to me,most of them left me for other men…or the others just like actually all of them lost interest. Since i was a boy(confession….. mommies boy)ive always felt loved and i returned that with my virsion of love..i cared then as i care now for others feelings more than mine. I try and say everything as i feel it. As if i speack my emotions…i have been labled needy,depressed,selfish,arrogant,insensitive,crazy???
    Insecure and many more words,every one of those words broke my heart and i take offense to each of them!not only have i been blessed with a creative mind ,i also have “jimmy the cricket ,from Pinocchio” the size of “mighty joe young”lol i use these references only because my home language is not English and my freakin auto prediction cant understand my spelling… anyway….i feel guilty about everything…when i can see with the opposites reaction they dont understand me ,what i said ,unexplained::when i dont see reactions that id like to see or emagined for my way of approaching anything with a sense of”caring” and understanding…i approach life like that,I really do….but nobody cares anymore…too much work to be friendly in return or show some love or personality its un heard of to be humain…

    I’ve been on two anti depressant courses in the last year and a half…the time me and my girls relationship was on and off…she was a”meth”addict that i(more of an A or a mary j or fungus type of guy) felt a strong connection with.we lived together so alot of changes ,many joints were puffed every day with tears of laughter and painful times.i admit shamefully that i tried to change who she was because…( i really dont have any words to describe my feelings ,I felt she has so much more potential and i felt the soul of this,8 year younger than me woman)…i was overprotective of her. When i felt we were beginning to be a “couple in the making” we did many things together,Adventurous outings,drives and anything that wasted money,in a non extream sort of way…little cash flow from both ends…enough to have fun for some time though…..We were sexually active from almost the beginning…with her concent i add…she told me after about 4 months, she wants to make her own mistakes and be on her own because she had an abusive relationship before me…whome she ran away from!!! she went through stages in her
    life that should have never happened to her….if i was there i would have prevented all of it,i swear!!!her own blood betrayed her trust and still walk over her.with minipulation and guilt she follows….only my observation…i loved her,with my whole heart and I still do.She slept with a guy she met one week prior,he played her and this happened in our flat while i was away with a friend!i got so mad and i told her thats not how people should act!she understood me and apologised.we broke up.

    She always told me when we broke up that she didnt want to be in a relationship with me and when i found out she slept with me and this fool both at the same time i shamefully through
    Her out only to beg her to stay when all has cooled down because i believe in second chances and i felt weirdness in me for her! Then we would be friends living together for a while and we would end up being bf and gf…i everytime asked her straight forward if this is what he wants?if she is sure ?and everytime she said yes she is and she loved me! Untul next huge breakdown. I am well aware that she was and most definately still is depressed! I broke up with her because she pulled away so far,regardless of how i tried every day just to get her spirit up…even making rediculous and “in my viewpoint “creative and romantic gestures to make things better ..i loved cooking amazing food and cleaning after her..(it helped cause she started to do it herself too eventually though)

    All this i would do for a smile..even if it was just a smile because i know i can make more from a smile…i can generate more from just one smerk. But if its down and out ,im drained!!!!!i cant pick her mood up!

    I tried for so long ,eventually thinking enough!!And i gave up! Saying that this will be the last time we break up! She didnt talk much with me from about 3 months before i ended “us”,the confusing laughs and the convincing”i love you” made me see something more than what was really happening. I really tried my best to make her happy and with that im flat ass broke…extremely sad…out of our flat….also a bit cross and confused! The worst and most confusing part is that as soon as her minipulative mother(this woman is actually her gran but addopted her after her grans daughter cOuldnt and wouldnt take her as her own….she had to get another guy or a fix or fuck something up….her real mom ,who was and still is no rolemoddel….ive seen this circus…its awkward….she stayed by us for 3 months…took things that didnt belong to them,violating my personal space with negativity ,theft and addictions.) I allowed this because i wanted to help!

    I do jump a bit. Just try and follow please. Because of these “jumping glitches” people say they dont understand me. But i do.

    This “mother” of my gf after being so weirdly nice and off and nice and off with me, came in and messed everything up! Made me feel like dog shit and made me feel guilty for feeling like dog shit!! She told me i know nothing of love….i have no clue of reality,im an obsessive boyfriend and whatever you can think of!

    And for the last 6 weeks i have been feeling lost and alone,because i love my girl and i really just tried everything to make her whole and get her out of her depression.question… Have i always been depressed?have i always thaught im okay and actually never been?im so heart broken because my girl said “what i Started this essay with”! I dont know what to think…i dont know how to act anymore and also ive been watching so many conspiracy theories and spiritual awakening things and i feel as if there is no one on this Planet Earth that gets me…like we not even on the same page!!! I want to be a positive reply with all my heart but everything us humans touch turns to shit! Im honestly confused but fully aware of my surroundings and peoples intentions…(i can sense it by what you are not saying or reacting to…i call it basic understanding some calls it issues and some say Aura and body language?all i want to show is respect for my fellow humans) i feel everyone is begining to lose intrest in all and everything! And the bigger loss is the one i fully allowed, to show my heart and share my feelings wants nothing to do with me. Like all those words that was used to disarm me is real!!!like im needy and whatever but like ive tried to explain above is that ive always since childhood been like this…caring.

    Okay,if anyone out there understood that gibirish above reply,to those who didnt… its okay,read it again before you comment ;)

    I wish everyone Peace Love and Joy!!!!

    Thx for reading

  • Rosy

    March 16th, 2015 at 8:07 PM

    Johan, short and sweet after reading your post. I’ve had a lifetime of experience. I’m 61. My son became very depressed in the same way you have. Little by little. He died at age 25 by suicide from depression, anxiety, alcohol self medication and he smoked a lot of weed. He was very sensitive but all used up by women with their own issues or problems. He was involved in love relationships at least 5 times. He was in love with 2 or 3 of the women he had a relationship with but never at the same time. Three of these women brought him down emotionally. He was intelligent, artistic, giving a lot to each of his relationships and they did not last nor did they appreciate him so he gave up in life. He was handsome, physically in shape and viril. Most of the problems were the women. One was bi-polar, another an alcoholic, another a nympomaniac. He tried hard to please them but he never made himself happy. He was always called “a mama’s boy” but that’s because we loved him as his parents and he had a normal upbringing in his life. He loved us both, not just his “mama”. If I could have seen the future I would tell him to get as far away from those girls as he could go because I’m his mom. I would tell him to stop taking care of others even though he had a good heart but that he should have taken care of himself before it’s too late but it was too late. He shot himself in the head because he could not take any more rejection because of their problems and their drama every day. If I had known he was suffering so much I would have also suggested we get help together to help with his crushing emotional mental pain. He also believed in conspiracy theories and always questioned the concept and validity of life. He hated dealing with all these people who were so insensitive to him, his ideas or intelligence and others just did not care no matter how much love he showed them. I should have told him to get away from these crazy people and to be happy being by himself for awhile until he found someone without so many drug and alcohol problems. They made him crazy with their manipulation. I wished he would have listened that he was loved by his own family and that he could depend on us and come to us to help him out of his dark hole. Sorry for babbling. You get the picture. Get away from trouble as fast as you can. You sound like a giving person who doesn’t get back what you need and this can eat you up in the end. Find time for yourself and the hell with their drama. There’s too much to learn about on this earth and knowledge is power. Be selective as to being with someone who won’t lie or hurt you because life is too damned short.

  • Emma

    February 16th, 2015 at 6:34 AM

    I totally agree. I would never refer to my worst moments as “episodes”. I think I prefer to categorize them as “in a different state of mind.” I feel like I’m not myself. Like something is controlling my body other than me. It’s hard to describe that feeling. Talking about doctors, honestly I know they’ve probably done their research and all, but they don’t REALLY know how it feels to actually be depressed. They describe depression in ways that people with depression would never even think of. I know they’re trying to help, but it’s hard to help unless you’ve had real experience with this health issue. I don’t think there is really a cure for it, it never really goes away. There will be times when it seems like it’s almost gone but then it comes back and stabs you in the gut. You just have to keep pushing. This is why I care so much for speaking out about depression, and try to raise awareness for it. This is serious. I think everyone needs to understand this. It gets tiring to fight this your entire life. That’s why a lot of people end their life. Being a Christian helped me a lot through the years because I knew that God was with me and he had greater plans for me. This was all just one big test.

  • Denise U.

    February 18th, 2015 at 10:55 AM

    This is the best writing on exactly how major depression is. I know because I have been there and I am presently in one. Thank you for posting this.

  • Adriel

    February 19th, 2015 at 4:11 PM

    It was so good for me finding this page and what was written about depression. I am not glad, but I don’t feel so alone when I read others stories I can realte to so badly to. I even cried of some of the stories written above. And the quicksand thing is just the way it feels, I’ve always had difficulties explaining it accurately to my closest ones. And it’s frustrating because most doctors only know this on paper, so does a lot of psychologists. But its true that under depression the hard things in life becomes harder, and nothing matters. I remember starting to get depression, with memory loss, and emotions were reduced bit by bit. Didn’t notice at first cause it was happening so slowly. But when you after a while get personality disorders, anxiety, eating disorder, hurting yourself, emitonal numbness, always having blackouts after you’ve been drinking, and have to sit down all the time at work because you feel sad(!) then some alarm bells should go off. Unfortunately for me it didn’t, so at one point I ended up in hospital because of too much alcohol. I needed help, and I got some help. It’s not good until this day, but it’s somewhat better. Some good days, some really really bad days. It’s not supposed to be like this and I know.. Not being able to have feelings for someone or being attached or connected to someone. Wanting to stay at home because you feel like it wouldn’t matter for anything or anyone if you did anything. Even when they say you do. I hope you all get through. Fight and fight, till depression is dead. Sending love.

  • Jessicca

    February 20th, 2015 at 6:48 AM

    This article literally made me cry. I am only fifteen and have also suffered from depression. Only in my experience, it was so hard to get out of the depressive state. There is this guy that I really liked. He said that he liked me to, and I ignorantly believed him. I should have known better, but what can I say? I found out five days into the relationship that he was dating me to get back at his ex. That broke me. I have liked him for three years,and he leaves me in the dirt,not caring what would happen. Throughout the years that I had liked him, I told him all of my secrets. I am just happy he didn’t tell anyone about them. But then I find out that he had made out with my best friend and told her he loved her. Needless to say I have very bad trust issues, and find it hard to become attracted to anyone. It is also extremely hard to explain how I feel. People ask what is wrong and I keep my head down and shake my head. How can you tell them that they hurt you? That you cry yourself to sleep every single night because you don’t know what else to do? That sometimes you hate yourself with everything within you? I can’t tell anyone that. I love how people tell me that I don’t understand what they are going through.If they only knew the half of it…

  • Cynthia Lubow, MFT

    February 25th, 2015 at 8:12 PM

    You are absolutely right, Rob, while many people do have episodes and are fine in between, plenty are in this state more or less continuously. They are very different experiences.

  • jemmy

    February 25th, 2015 at 11:02 PM

    Hi Cynthia, you arr right that it may not continue. But in between time are they normal ?I want to know more about feelings during depression.and is it possible without any reason?

  • Le Porter

    February 27th, 2015 at 4:45 PM

    I am 33 years-old suffering major depression . Nothing in this world makes me happy
    . I just don’t know what to do

  • Susan

    May 7th, 2015 at 9:08 PM

    Le Porter,
    I know how you feel. When I get in my depressed state, there is nothing that makes me believe there is anything out there for me.
    I worry the most that I will be totally alone which I am almost there. The other thing I see happening is that I will become homeless. I don’t want to be a burden to anyone and for that reason I would never move in with anyone.
    I am 58 years old and looking forward to the end to come. Luckily, I have a wonderful daughter who I would do anything for and she is my reason to live.
    You need to find your reason.

  • Leah

    February 28th, 2015 at 12:41 PM

    Is it possible that extreme stress and fear cause major depression and a person escapes reality into a world of online games?

  • Taylor

    March 3rd, 2015 at 11:06 PM

    My life is like hell. It’s like everyone hates me and even my teachers came to talk to me about my depression. I’ve thought of committing suicide many times but I feel like I’m too scared of dying. I just smile as if nothing ever happens.

  • The GoodTherapy.org Team

    March 4th, 2015 at 11:00 AM

    Thank you for your comment. We wanted to provide links to some resources that may be relevant to you here. We have more information about what to do in a crisis at https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html

    Warm regards,
    The GoodTherapy.org Support Team

  • Pixie

    March 16th, 2015 at 2:29 PM

    Thank goodness you read the comments :-)) xx

  • Cheryl

    March 16th, 2015 at 5:03 PM

    I am so so sorry you feel this way. You are worthy of life and to be happy, I will pray for you my daughter left us in march one year ago on the 26th my heart hurts to no that she was so unhappy and she to deserved to be happy. I love you and I will be praying that the devel gets his hold on you off and that The Lord will speak to you and let you know just how wonderfully made you really are!

  • Holly

    March 16th, 2015 at 7:28 PM

    You brought tears to my eyes when I read your comment. Please please please I’m begging you DO NOT ATTEMPT suicide! There is help. And there are plenty of people that love you and care about you! You have so much to live for. My son, who’s name was Taylor completed suicide when he was 14. It left me, his mom devastated. His brothers torn. Never to be the same again. So please seek help because their is help out there! And remember your parents love you!! Good luck to you! You have a life to live!!

  • nichole

    March 17th, 2015 at 1:10 AM

    Sweet girl. I am 21 years old and I have lost 4 people in less than 2 months. 2 aunts, 2 uncles, and my fiance. He was 25 years old. He was the first person I ever fell in love with. He shot himself in the heart on January 13, 2015. I have never felt more pain in my life and I wanted nothing more than to be with him again and I knew that meant killing myself. I started having anxiety and panic attacks because of the thoughts I was having and everyone asking me all the time if I was okay. I lost my job and had to leave school. One thing I told my fiance was to talk to someone anyone even of it wasn’t me about his problems and how he felt. He didn’t. I didn’t keep pushing him too either. Now, I was having the same thoughts he was. I didn’t see any reason to keep living. I didn’t see any reason to do anything. I use to love running but everything I once thought was fun is not anymore. Everything just doesn’t matter anymore. I’m commenting on this to tell you that I decided to talk to someone. I understand now how hard it was for him to do that. I should’ve kept pushing him to or kept just letting him know I was there for him. I didn’t understand before but I do now. I feel a lot better. Nothing is perfect and I still get overwhelming feelings of sadness and that is normal. It will get better over time. The pain and loneliness you feel won’t go away you will learn to live with it. I don’t know your religion but I know that any god would never put you through something you could not handle as long as you lean on him and the people he gave to you to help you through it.

  • sophie

    April 6th, 2015 at 7:45 AM

    I feel so sad about how you feel Taylor. You are so young and feel overwhelmed by your feelings. I am going to tell you something that you might not like. You have to talk to someone about how you feel. I know you feel terrible and don’t think that anyone can help you but that is your depressed voice talking. The real you wants help otherwise you would not have come onto this site. Let me know how you get on. Big hugs xxxx

  • Josh

    March 8th, 2015 at 4:46 PM

    Alright so I’m not a sad person. I live a happy life and I play jv football. I play video games a lot. I’ve gotten my grades up recently but I just feel completely different. Like I’m not into do anything, I feel like I have anxiety issues. I’m not insecure about anything really. Could this be depression?

  • Josh

    March 8th, 2015 at 4:49 PM

    And it actually feels like I’m dead now that I’m reading more. What can I do to help myself? I’ve never considered suicide. I Just am not sure what to do and I’m scared to be honest

  • Josh

    March 8th, 2015 at 4:55 PM

    And I just want to know if this feeling will be forever? Because I love life, everything about it. I’m scared of death. I just hate this feeing. And I want to know if it will go away and how long?

  • Josh

    March 8th, 2015 at 4:59 PM

    Another way to describe how I feel. Is that I constantly feel like theres a wall in my head that is blocking me from society.

  • Susan

    March 16th, 2015 at 8:40 PM

    Hi Josh,
    I just want to say that I read your comments and I can identify with those feelings from past episodes of depression I have had. I hope you will get some help with your depression. There are many people that love you and care about your feelings. Anxiety and depression are very common but shouldn’t be ignored. The symptoms can get worse. Hang in there and try to talk to a parent, school counselor, pastor, or friend. I wish you much happiness in your future.

  • Paula

    March 16th, 2015 at 11:14 PM

    Josh! You are wonderful! Please, seek someone out to talk to about how you are feeling. You do NOT have to live your life feeling this way. Go ahead and open up to an adult you trust. You will be so glad you did. Remember, you matter and are important. God speed!

  • Paul S.

    March 12th, 2015 at 10:08 PM

    Great comments from everyone. Look at how many are affected by Depression. Depression does not discriminate: anyone, from any background or economic group can be affected – like me. I’ve had depression my whole life – it runs in the family. Bad memories haunt me – and good ones seem minimal, at best. Connecting to all of you through this two-year thread is very helpful. Oh – I’ve posted my full name. I’m now 52, and it’s time for me to be open to discussions with anyone. No more shame!

  • Deborah

    March 18th, 2015 at 5:30 PM

    I am bipolar but am more depressed than anything. I also am haunted by my past. I am 53 years old so that is a lot of past to regret. I am on antidepressants, but no matter what I just can’t pull myself up. Mainly I was just glad that somebody else has trouble with their past. I pretty much wish I could die but I have kids and grandkids and I can’t leave them. Especially since their dad committed suicide when they were young.

  • Maria

    March 13th, 2015 at 9:59 PM

    I was admitted in the hospital year of 2009 and was diagnosed suffering from a severe depression.I had a 3 psychologist doctors and one of them is a priest. one of them told me that she found me a strong person but still I have to take an anti depression tablet for years.just last year I stop taking the medicine without having a check up to my doctor first. but the result is not good. so I have to drink that same tablet again.. but just last week i again stop taking it and I feel good because whenever i feel so low and depressive I pray to God and think of my friends and my family who love me unconditionally…

  • Sue C.

    March 16th, 2015 at 9:31 AM

    Thank you, Dr. Lubow for putting into words the horrific agony of a major depressive episode. I did not know what was happening to me. An attempt on my life, five hospitalizations and a winding road back to health. Shame and guilt inhibited my recovery. Now I understand fully and am out to enlighten anyone who will listen. Mental health is not taboo. I am on a journey to help others starting by attending the AAS conference in Atlanta in April. Start the conversation!

  • Tina

    March 16th, 2015 at 2:47 PM

    This article could have been written about me! It literally describes what I went thru. I went to a very dark place and luckily I was rescued from there. Please anyone struggling let me tell you I have truly been in your shoes and I thought everyone was crazy when they said things can get better but 2 years later … things are better and I am a stronger person than I ever was before!

  • marilee w.

    March 16th, 2015 at 3:58 PM

    Thank you for posting this. I have a 16 yr old that has major depressive disorder. She is in therapy for it, but it is hard to see her in so much pain.

  • Lesley

    March 16th, 2015 at 7:35 PM

    As someone who has suffered from major depression throughout my life I have to say your description is very accurate. It is isolating in so many ways and I think you gave voice to the isolating behaviors of both the sufferers and those who are trying to help.
    Typical advice that may work on a regular down day will only push a severely depressed person further into isolation.
    I have been offered anti-depressants too many times to count and have never accepted. I don’t like the idea of a pharmaceutical tinkering in my brain. What I found that works is breathwork. It is a fast cyclical breath that activates the sympathetic nervous system and moves stuck energy. After a breathwork I feel alive and vital, like my life force is strengthened.
    It is a natural process. I have read studies that have been conducted in inpatient psychiatric centers over several years with no ill effects. A fair percentage even describe feeling a connection to a higher spiritual source even if they report as not being spiritual. Since I have started doing breathwork 8 years ago, my depression has lifted immeasurably, I am rarely depressed versus depressed more often than not. I studied for 3 years and became certified because I believe in it so much.
    I realize your experience has been traditional and clinical, but I wanted to say that there are other ways that have had studies and are natural and noninvasive and do not come with a stigma and label that follow you for life.

  • Katherine D.

    March 16th, 2015 at 11:16 PM

    I’m so glad I came across this. I thought I was just going to sink deeper until I finally successfully killed myself. Before I had my son I tried to overdose once, it’s been a few years since I’ve been this depressed. I used to just turn it into drugs and alcohol and anger but I can’t do that now. This is an extremely accurate account of where my head has been for a month or so now. I’m honestly not sure. Sometimes a week feels like it passed in a flash or like every single day was a week on it’s own. I’d like to see some more natural ways to help rather than all the medicine though. That would be a last resort.

  • Lesley

    March 17th, 2015 at 12:07 AM

    This could of been written about me , I am in a bout of severe depression now and it is the most scariest and loneliest place ever , I am glad I read other peoples comments as you really do believe it is only you going through this worthless state and others really try to help but don’t realise the pressure they can put on you to get well for them

  • Julie M

    March 17th, 2015 at 11:23 AM

    Thank you for this blog of Hope. My story includes complicated grief that turned into a Major Depressive Episode. What was shocking was how fast I fell off the cliff of normal/coping. Your description is accurate but on the lite side. For my experience I would add the psychomotor retardation, tunnel vision and recovery time (about a year.) What I want to share most is that Depression can be remedied. Shame can be healed if you aren’t having to fight the battle of depression until you are so spent there is no energy for wellness. I didn’t like being told I will need an antidepressant for life. But I dont want to be hospitalized or to face life from that pit again. I’ve been on a minimal dose for 13 years. I’ve lived through divorce, moving, job loss, and the death of my only son. All without falling into profound depression. I credit several things but base line meds and critical self care truly can keep depression from stealing your life. That joyful heart inside of you – humor, intelligence, compassion – Those are the real you.

  • Angelica

    March 19th, 2015 at 12:52 AM

    This is a very accurate idea of thoughts for being depressed. Before you read the rest of this comment, I feel the need to say that there is some sad things I have to say but for those who are depressed Im sharing my story because although its not great it is reassuring and I have overcame my depression and other mental illnesses for the most part. Thanks to a rough childhood I was diagnosed chronic severe depression, PTSD, an unidentified eating disorder and suicidal thoughts or actions in my early pre-teens and told by many doctors that it was incurable and that at my stage it might get better but I would have episodes for the rest of my life. I had seem many doctors for my depression and tried many ways of stabilizing it, including medications which for me often worsened my episodes. Some of these doctors even told me although they didn’t support my decisions but they understood my cutting and suicide attempts. These episodes were constant and practically non stop for almost 7 years.
    Before I say what I believed is what helped me overcome my disorders though I want to remind everyone that like the author of this article had said not everyone is the same and this although Id like to believe it would might not work for every person who is suffering. During the last half of that 6th year for me i had actually lost my friend David to suicide and after seeing all of my friends’ and my own reactions I decided to really look for help and try to be more trusting to my friends. In the meantime I had met my fiancée who was also a friend of David’s. We weren’t friends long before we started dating because he told me he had liked me from the beginning and he wanted to help but wanted to be more than just a friend as well. Even though like I said we dated soon after we started talking due to the similar situation we just went through I tried reaching out to him before we started dating so he was well aware of my cutting and diagnoses before asking me out. Relationships with depression on either or both sides im sure as many have noticed can be very complicated and often don’t last. Through-out the first 7 months that we I were

  • Shawna

    March 19th, 2015 at 3:11 PM

    Great post! I read through several comments and can totally relate to several. I have a support group on Facebook called ” From Darkness to Light pulled from the grips of a mental illness “. I am the administration of this group. I invite anyone to join if they would like. Just do a search on facebook and request to be added. I pray that each one that battles any mental illness will find that beacon of light in the darkest hours. Remember YANA You Are Not Alone! God bless you and please seek help!

  • Lily

    April 14th, 2015 at 8:22 AM

    I Too feel the above things. demotivated to do everything. It has been around 3-4 weeks that everything has become so unbearable. i feel extremely restless, and EXTREMELY confused. To the point I start crying. I Am unable to take simplest of decisions. Nothing seems good.
    Do you think I’m likely to get depressed? Or I already am?

  • Just a person

    May 2nd, 2015 at 5:18 AM

    It sounds like you might be depressed. I hope that you start feeling better soon.

  • Lisa

    April 21st, 2015 at 9:02 AM

    This a very good article. It is very hard to describe it to people who have never experienced it. I’ve gone through it many times, and my boyfriend at the time would say “snap out of it, you have no reason to be depressed, it’s pathetic.”

    Your support system can make a difference. But a big key in getting through it and coming out of it is trying to change your outlook and thoughts on things. It’s hard as hell, I’m not trying to say it’s easy by any means.

    The way you start your day can set the tone for your day. Start off with saying today will be a good day. When you have the thoughts of hopelessness and negativity say to your self things won’t always be this way. Know that you will come out of it. This is a very hard thing to do. Start off saying it every day, at frist you probally won’t believe it, but if you say it enough it will begin to help.

    I herd a quote that sums everything up. “Nothing lasts for ever. So when things are good enjoy them. When things are bad know they won’t last forever and you’ll get through them.”

  • g.r

    April 28th, 2015 at 10:00 AM

    I feel like this for 2 weeks now but its been on and off for over a year, sometimes milder, sometimes not at all. All your stories make me even more confused because you have had things happen in your life that have caused this but i have no real explanation and because of this im preventing to go to a doctors and am more scared that i will be turned away or not diagnosed with anything but im in a lot of turmoil and confusion..im 16 so i guess it could be hormones What should i do? I cant tell my friends, its too much to put on them.

  • Angie

    May 1st, 2015 at 1:38 PM


    Hi g.r.! How are you tonight? I’m thinking about you. I have twin teenagers btw :) It is nighttime here & yes,it absolutely can be hormones. It can also be a situational, trauma, significant event, etc., too. Sometimes I have waves of depression and sometimes the fog (i.e. quicksand) remains for much longer.

    Try to do everything in your power to help your body along: Rest, nutrition, walking (do more strenuous activity for the endorphin effect) if you feel up to it but, at the very least, walk!) & fresh air is basically….. life-breathing, to me!

    Now I’m really about to sound like your nurse or mom. I’m both a nurse and a mom so allow me to just hug you with empathy, suggestions and concern right now: Do try to avoid excessive & indiscriminate recreational drugs/alcohol/sex. These things only make you feel better momentarily but (like sugar), give you a “high” that’s only followed by a drop; a deep, desperate, and painful low. Try to put yourself among positive, encouraging people as much as possible and do search out your spirituality through uplifting music and audio books/messages. Cannot emphasize that enough. That alone (my faith) has been my biggest, strongest ally. :) Lastly, don’t be afraid of the doctors; just follow your instincts! Blessings XOXO

  • sandra

    May 2nd, 2015 at 11:18 AM

    I want to say you need to go to the dr and ruleout other things. They will guide you in the right direction. Please be honest with your dr. If they don’t know how you really feel about yourself, they may misdiagnose you. I know it’s scary. You should tell your parents. If you can’t tell them, talk to your school counselor. They can help also. Remember they are trained to help. They can’t prescribe meds, but they can help you get the help you need so you don’t feel this way. It won’t happen over night. You are never alone. The counselor will listen and will not make you feel bad. They can help you get past it. God loves you. Do this for yourself so you can take care of yourself. You matter to lots of people.

  • Tara

    May 1st, 2015 at 9:42 AM

    Nobody seems to understand. All I ever hear is,”be thankful you woke up this morning Or “if your not happy…do something about it”
    I feel stupid when I talk to people about how I feel And I know the people closest to me are tired of hearing about it so….I just put on that big smile and try to act like nothing is wrong. Dont know how much longer I can do this. Depression is pain that cannot be described.

  • ellen

    May 1st, 2015 at 10:55 AM

    Tara – I totally understand how you feel. The depression is compounded when people say meaningless cliché’s too… “you’ll get over it”, “think of the people worse off than you, some people don’t even have food”, or “you have so much to be thankful for, how could you be sad?? Stop the self pity”… and then we feel shame for the way we feel but CAN’T HELP IT. It makes me sad that every organ in the body is granted empathy except the brain. Apparently we are supposed to have a “happy” switch that we should be strong enough to turn on.

    It doesn’t work that way.

    Do you have anything in place to help you cope right now? Therapy, meds, friends and family? That’s the first step. Reaching out. Depression is so diffucult, and it’s hard to think logically. The world is foggy and dark. It doesn’t feel right to even exist.

    Wishing you peace and hoping you can get some relief.

  • Kenya

    May 1st, 2015 at 9:00 PM

    Please seek treatment by finding a therapist and psychiatrist and/or medical psychologist. Medication and psychotherapy can help.

  • Susan

    May 7th, 2015 at 8:57 PM

    Tara, I know what you are saying. People who don’t have depression are judgmental. They say to “pull yourself up by your bootstraps”. My son has quit communicating with me because I can’t fix myself. Mom keeps asking me about my meds. Others are downright mean.
    There is more info out there about depression but people still don’t want to be bothered by it.
    The trouble is, a person needs holistic approaches to helping with coping. I asked doctors about behavior modification, exercise, diets, group therapy, etc. they thought it was a good idea but then they were quiet. I can’t fix this alone and I can’t cope with the gossip.

  • silo

    May 2nd, 2015 at 9:28 PM

    My girlfriend or ex I should say since she broke up with me is dealing with a lot of things in her life and has depression. I’d like to show her that her thoughts aren’t uncommon when people with depression and she isn’t alone. Would sending her this article be helpful or hurtful?

  • unknown

    May 4th, 2015 at 10:24 PM

    Helpful and hurtful your basically saying its just a phase and 2nd your saying she needs help

  • natasha

    May 12th, 2015 at 11:58 AM

    Dear silo , instead of sending her the articles If You Can be with her during her bad times and support as much would be great. She needs care and support.Give her that and not sympathy. WHY I tell yu this is because I am fighting the same and my present bf inspite f being aware of my depressed situation dosent help me . we are still together bt he’s if no suppprt bt sympathy.Tryst mw people like us need love and suppprt and motivation. It takes a great deal to help someone than just run away or find escapism.you decide how can yu really help her

  • William

    May 5th, 2015 at 11:29 PM

    Growing up as a child, I was being molested from the age of 5 till I was 12 or 13 by my mothers mentally handicapped brothers ( yes more than 1) I remember the first time I was supposed to be taking a nap and my Uncle came into my room naked, played down beside me and took off my clothes, sat me on his crotch and then gave me a pen to draw on his stomach and chest. To me it was only a game. This continued for a while and then his other brother started in as well. Never together until I was older. I would wake up at night with one of them putting their oenis in my mouth or laying on top of me rubbing their erections up and down my backside. When I was around 8 or 9 I think it was, I did tell my moms boyfriend and his father and was told by them that “they” didn’t know what they were doing because they were “retarded”. It continued until like I said, I was 12 or 13 until my mom and her boyfriend split up. There was also the emotional and physical abuse that went on before the move. The physical abuse was move towards my brothers than me, I guess it was because I “learned” from them. I “filed” all this away and basically forgot all that had happened. You always hear “how could you forget”, wellyou do forget. After my mom took me away from the situation, well she stayed in contact with them.
    It wasn’t until my oldest daughter was born and she was about 6 months old, she was being held by one of the guys that molested me, I seen this and went and took her from him, told my wife to never leave her alone with him or to ever let him hold her. From that day forward all the emotions and anger came. This type of behavior was not me at all. I went to a really dark place! I went to a couple physic doctors, they out me on many different meds, I remember being on 5 at once! I could not function, couldn’t urinate, couldn’t get “off” sexually. I was in a “zombie” state. I was this way for a year until I said I cant do this anymore. I contemplated suiside. I would sit up at night thinking, holding my daughter thinking. If I take my life who is going to protect her from what I went through. I also couldnt handle knowing that if I did that someday my children would be calling another man “daddy”!
    Well latley I have been slipping into that “dark place”, my behaviors are changing again, its all coming back again! I can’t and don’t want to return there again! That’s not me! I have a brother that I love more than anything, who thinks suiside is the cowards way out. I was looking on line to find a way for him to understand what goes on inside a persons mind that has depression. I can across this article and holy shit, if I wouldn’t have know any better this is me!!! Thank you for bringing to light what everyone of us goes through!!!!

  • The GoodTherapy.org Team

    May 6th, 2015 at 9:22 AM

    Thank you for your comment, William. It sounds like you are having a hard time, and we wanted to provide some resources that may be helpful to you here. We have some information about sexual abuse at https://www.goodtherapy.org/therapy-for-sexual-abuse.html and additional information about what to do in a crisis at https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html

    Warm regards,
    The GoodTherapy.org Team

  • Susan

    May 7th, 2015 at 8:47 PM

    It’s the “loved ones” who make me depressed. I try not to keep my negative emotions inside and they get mad when I let them out. Or I’ll tell one how I’m feeling and she’ll tell me how wonderful her life is. So I’ll tell her not to do that or contact me and she’ll reframe the wording and tell everyone how awful I have been to her.
    I moved back to my hometown because lack of funds and now everyone thinks I’m evil and unreliable because of what my family has told everyone.
    Isn’t there a place to go where life for depressed people is better? How does one get there when they are broke?

  • Daniel F

    May 9th, 2015 at 1:50 PM

    What if the problem is not in the person’s brain or thoughts, but in the environment? Our society is alienating and dehumanizing; look at how we treat our fellow humans and the ecosystems on which we depend. Most people are in fact insincere; how many of those who wish us a “great day” actually mean it? How many of us have a reason to care whether the myriad strangers we encounter from day to day have a nice day or not? If a person’s happiness in life is based on the illusion of fitting in or pleasing one’s parents (or their substitutes, including therapists), then that happiness is likely to seem more hollow as that illusion becomes harder to maintain with time. Our species evolved to live in close-knit, cooperative groups, in which babies and children experienced vastly more skin contact and nursing than modern children do. The brain is not fully formed at birth; these early bonding experiences are crucial to social and cognitive development, as well as the ability to manage stress. Children in such societies that still exist today (modern hunter-gatherers) are not burdened with adult expectations; their only duty is play. Why should a sensitive young brain thrust into modern society not eventually become depressed, or psychotic or substance-dependent? Why should a person who has never been encouraged to feel and express his or her genuine emotions, out of a need to please parents, teachers, friends, bosses, etc., eventually not find him- or herself unable to feel anything at all?

  • Gigi

    May 10th, 2015 at 11:07 PM

    So accurately written!!

  • Daniel

    May 22nd, 2015 at 3:46 PM

    Actually, “close-knit, cooperative groups” is a misleading phrase; that should be “flexible, cooperative groups”. In such societies, people are free to leave the group; children are free to seek out adults who treat them kindly. And “duty” and obedience are unknown concepts. I believe that coercion produces a mentally ill society, of which depression is a symptom.

  • Daniel F

    May 9th, 2015 at 3:14 PM

    “What was challenging feels overwhelming; what was sad feels unbearable; what felt joyful feels pleasureless.
    Even if nothing was wrong before the episode, everything seems wrong when it descends. Suddenly, no one seems loving or lovable…” To me this simply describes the feelings of a helpless child who has been emotionally or physically abandoned, feelings which must be repressed and denied for the sake of survival. As Hilary Hendel wrote recently in the New York Times, “For the child, shaming himself is less terrifying than accepting that his caregivers can’t be counted on for comfort or connection”. But the inevitable feelings of shame, unreality, and despair must eventually surface. Bessel van der Kolk points out in his book The Body Keeps the Score that the DSM fails to adequately address the results of childhood trauma. As a result, the sufferer may be given a diagnosis of depression based on the DSM. But that is merely a description, and can’t tell us why a person should feel that way in the first place. If someone is willing to truly listen to the sufferer and take them seriously, their symptoms may begin to tell the story that they have been forced to hide from themselves all along.

  • Chris

    May 10th, 2015 at 11:54 PM

    Powerful words. I’m in the middle of a serious depression also. I can cry at the drop of a hat. I can’t sleep. I just graduated with my master’s degree and it means nothing to me. I was in a 13 year relationship with a married man. He has called it off because of something that was put on Facebook by one of my messy friends. His daughter and his wife saw it and are causing him a great deal of stress. I have never posted any pictures of he and I. I could have, but to protect him I chose not to. I never wanted to hurt his wife or daughter. He does not believe me or trust me anymore. I am so sad I can’t function. I feel like it would be easier to just end it all.

  • natasha

    May 12th, 2015 at 12:18 PM

    Reading all your stories makes me feel that I am not alone. Though we have diff issues and reason bt we battle with the same disease everyday. For me I fight with clinical depression and a unsupportive relationship with my bf.I have seen bad and it’s been 5 months already that I am here n this phase.I don’t know will j ever come out f this will my bf ever take affors and understnd me . But I have my parents who love me and wants to see me alive. I think the road is too long and I am juSt at tbe beginning bt I will give a good fight.I am losing hope bt fr my parents I have to do it. I cry each day go get better and suppprt myself bt it dsnt happen.I wana get rid of this problem. I will pray fir you all . You are not alone. Hang on maybe sometbg good might happen.

  • Pam N

    May 17th, 2015 at 11:37 AM

    Thank you and I will pray for you also. My depression ruined my entire life. I did work fulltime at a very good job but I had a wreck and everything went from bad to worse. I had to go on disability and then my depression ruined my marriage. I felt like it was all my fault so I gave him everything. I had a new home and everything in it was new and I left all of it. I am 57 and back living with my parents. I wish I would just never wake up because I cannot imagine living like this the rest of my life. We have got to find a way to beat this!!!

  • Pam

    May 14th, 2015 at 7:26 PM

    I was diognosed with major depression one year ago. My depression seldom leaves. I am ashamed and feel like I am weak for being like this. When I am around people I try to put on a front so they won’t say anything. I have become a hermit and I do nothing but sleep. I hate myself for being like this.

  • natasha

    May 15th, 2015 at 1:53 PM

    Dear pam,You havent mentioned why u feel depressed . I would say share it first and secondly if it’s acute eat ;exercise and take care f your body.love yourself and you shall be fine . And if it’s severe talk it out and take professional help. Tell yur famiky and they shall help you n your crisis.Love , natasha

  • Nancy

    July 11th, 2015 at 2:03 PM

    For me, being asked why I’m depressed makes me angry. It’s not an event or situational episode that makes me depressed. It’s genetics. Being asked that is right up there with try harder, I get depressed sometimes, you are weak, etc.

  • Pam N

    May 17th, 2015 at 9:43 AM

    My son is a surgeon and he is the one who noticed what was going on with me. I cannot bring myself to talk about it because I feel like a failure and I am embarrassed. I keep praying it will go away. I stay alone app. 22 hours a day and most of that time is spent in bed. I don’t go around anyone unless I absolutely have to and then I have to force myself. I find no pleasure in anything.I have been this way about 4years now. Before that I was always out doing things and loved being around people. AMy entire life I never cried in front of anyone and now I cry all the time. Is there any way I can help myself without talking to anyone because I am seriously ashamed for being like this.

  • eric

    May 19th, 2015 at 6:25 AM

    When I thinking about my depression, I can see all the missed opportunities that have passed me by in life because my self worth was so low, I chose not to take chances in fear of failing and making things worse. (I’m type 2 bipolar)
    So many mornings spent laying in bed, staring at the floor, and sleepless nights wishing I was someone else.
    I know I’m a smart person and I have achievements. I try to focus on the good things that I’ve done in life and how I know I can do more, but when these black moods come over me, I can’t see past my own sadness and frustrations.
    I feel like I don’t matter and that I’m a burden on my friends..and I start isolating myself. Then the spiral begins.
    And then, magically, I’ll suddenly gather ambition and energy. I’ll write exams, I’ll study hard, I make it to outings and people tell me how much fun I am.
    And then I crash again and find myself laying in bed again, calling into work sick again and shutting the smartphone off for fear of someone calling and forcing me to talk about trivial things that I couldn’t care less about at the time.
    It’s such a weird circle

  • cara

    May 21st, 2015 at 11:13 AM

    Hello everyone it is special to me to see others in this world dealing with the same condition in their own way I have major depression with dsythmia mine is very active at the moment yet I am fighting the good fight I try everyday to eat more and healthy and I exercise yet I feel at times really sick in my head like I’m losing it I do feel a lot of shame because I feel like less of a person and that I dont have a strong spirit so I am flawed I am also a parent of a 14 yr old boy who is struggling with his own depression now and I think and feel that is partly my fault because how he has seen me when I am depressed. I see a therapist and she points out that things are changing for the better so I try to hold on to that and use the imagery she has given me when I am hopeless, if you want to have someone who knows how this feels like to just listen and relate and share what is working for them with this condition you are more than welcome to email me and we can be each others support thru this inner darkness I sure could use it. May you all find and keep towards the light thru this darkness. Cara

  • jessica

    May 22nd, 2015 at 6:18 AM

    I have suffered from depression as far back as I can remember. When i was a little girl I remember asking my mother why I felt so disconnected from people. I would be sad for long periods of time, never felt loved by my family, kind of outcasted from time to time. I still battle these feelings on a daily basis. I have done therapy, taken every medication under the sun. Nothing seems to help. I still feel hopeless and I never feel good enough. I have 3 children and I am 37 years old. At times I feel I am my worst enemy. Which, I am. My children are going to grow up to hate me as I hate me. I feel I am a weak individual, nothing I do will matter because anything good in my life disappears Anyways. I have tried to go to college and did very well but yhis demon of depression always seems to come back and haunt me. Rips away every positive aspect in my life. I hate myself and feel robbed of life’s beauty. I wish at times I were never born. I even blame my parents for giving me life.

  • cara

    May 22nd, 2015 at 10:19 AM

    Hi Jessica I relate to you as far as feeling depressed as a child they put me in special ed for being emotionally disturbed, at home I was verbally abused by my older brother thru out my childhood and teen years to the point I had so much self hatred that I was starving myself and alienating myself and asking the devil to protect me from my brother since my parents weren’t doing anything even in front of them. I eventually lied about something to get out of the house to live somewhere else into a group home and I felt safe but the damage was done, I’ve been with depression for a very long time its sad to see how much its used so much of my energy and time and taken so much opportunities away but I understand now but still sad now I’m fighting this depression but I still struggle with hopelessness and worthlessness and the dull numb feeling that depression gives right now what’s helping me is saying to myself that I am taking steps even if its little toward lessening depression and that I see the improvements even if little its still positive change and that’s what I hold onto to keep me going I also have a son that would be forever hurt if I did take my own life so I have that to keep me going. I will pray for you and hope that you hold on even if there baby steps there still positive and its toward a positive direction for you .I know too well how it is to be in that place of darkness and the aloness and emptiness is so sharp and encompassing that you cannot see any reason to be alive .the good news there is a way out there are many ways out everyone has to find their own way out but you cannot I repeat do it on your own you need support, therapy, community, treatment my most best prayers to you you are indeed not alone

  • Jade

    June 2nd, 2015 at 2:45 PM

    I have suffered from depression for as far back as I can remember. The worst part about it is I feel unable to tell anyone, I feel ashamed and worthless for not even being able to control my own thoughts. I’ve got psychiatrists and therapists but I don’t feel able to talk to them. I want to tell them how I feel, I want them to see that my silence is a cry for help but instead I just act as if everything is fine.
    As a child I was physically and emotionally abused by my mother who suffered from bi polar disorder, my father wasn’t on the scene since he was suffering from and emotional break down and anxiety since they had divorced. I can remember going to stay with my dad once a month or so and he would never leave the flat, he would even send me or my little brother to the shop to buy his food.
    I cannot describe how horrible it is to be raised my someone with bi polar disorder, I know it’s not my mothers fault often I felt like I deserved to be beaten and the things she said to me were true. It was just the constant fear that made me to terrified to set foot in the house after school and if I went out. My mothers boyfriend also suffered from bi-polar and I remember him beating my mother and when I intervened he would throw me aside like I was nothing, like I was a toy till one day he hit my brother and they separated.
    I do not see myself as having a rough upbringing because I feel as if it has made me more grateful for what I have now, I ran away many times to live with my father until one day I refused to go back to my mum.
    My dad quickly gained custody over me and my brother and for a while I was happy, this was when I started to notice I was trapped in a depressive state, I stopped going to school, I rarely saw anybody other than my brother and dad and I strongly believe that I am a lost cause. I am still on medication but the feelings won’t leave me, it’s as if I’m locked inside my own mind but at the same time I won’t let myself escape, I’m much to scared to talk to anyone and I’ve lost all faith and hope that I will ever get better. I feel like I have a disease enabling me from living my life and functioning like a human being, I’ve developed so much self hatred over the years that I fear I will be like this forever. Most day I just want to die and I know for a fact everyone would be better off without me.
    All I want to do is sleep yet when I try I stay awake distracted and overthinking every tiny thing that has happened during the day, regretting things I said, feeling embarrassed for what I have said or done.
    I have even started crying uncontrollably again, it’s like I feel as if I have to cry its like I’m supposed to and when I do I can’t stop.
    I apologise for the length of this paragraph but I have no one to talk to and I feel this website may be my only hope.

  • Gordon M.

    June 7th, 2015 at 12:58 PM

    There’s a room for everything.. God relieves us from our everyday heartaches and mental stress so box-out all your frustrations! We can learn how to make choices thru life coaching. It creates life balances for a better living.

  • cara

    June 8th, 2015 at 1:43 PM

    I send my support and hugs to jade no one can truly understand what its like to be in a dark hole for so long struggling to crawl out of but with defeating attempts,I think it would be easy for someone who hasn’t been in those dark places for so long that they could say something so positive but do not get the depth of this, for me I fall and keep falling but get up and try again I know this is a disease so there is a way out I hold onto the baby steps I take each time knowing that its taking me in the right direction even though it is small I am on my own unique path here in this world and this depression is part of my path and part of the unique make up of me. I pray, I reach out to my therapist,try to socialize and exercise is it easy no lol but I know I have to do it.jade I really hope and will pray that you do not give up there will never be another you again.you are irreplaceable, many prayers,hugs,you are not alone with this sweetie

  • Ron R.

    June 28th, 2015 at 2:26 AM

    Severe depression to me feels like combining a broken heart from a relationship with someone you love and the grief of someone you love dying and then multiplying that by 2. It is so horrific and constant it changes your sense of time with every second slowly grinding by.Like being burned and how time slows.I am a firm believer most suicides resulting from depression are the result of not actually wanting to die but just wanting relief from the torture. When I experience it, it always creeps in gradually like sand through a hourglass over a period of several weeks and then it peaks and stays for a 1-2 months and just like it slowly creeped in it gradually leaves.If a person who has never been through it could experience severe depression for only 5 minutes they would never forget the excruciating torture of it for the rest of their life! Even the word depression seems misleading. It seems like comparing a runny nose to cancer.

  • suse

    July 7th, 2015 at 7:23 AM

    Ron R
    Your first 2 lines sum it up exactly for me too. Glad it’s not just me

  • Tricia

    July 12th, 2015 at 7:12 AM

    I agree completely. I wish there was a way to actually show others how it feels. They’d finally understand.

  • DAVE R

    July 10th, 2015 at 10:43 AM

    i too am a man 61 that’s battled deep depression for many years with no hope. i’ve tried it all and have come to the decision that its me for life. like it or not. its hard to hide my feelings when i have to work and hide my feelings when all i really want to do is cry. but have to show i’m ok in front of normal people. i have no close friends but have the best wife anyone could have and i found the best but it don’t change me as a person. i always was upset that i ever brought her into my miserable life and ruining her life just to have someone who could of found a real man in her life. i never want to be far from home. i always wanted someone to take care of me. i could deal with it as long as i didn’t have to try to make a living but have enough to live on because its hard to work and deal with my depression to keep money coming in. i’m a real looser and have worked all my adult life never missed work. i went on a lot of cruises and done many things to enjoy some life. but when its over i am too. i’ve tried all the meds and therapy with no help. anyone that tells you it takes 4-6 weeks for meds to work is telling you that you may feel, a little better anyway in that time frame.

  • cara

    July 10th, 2015 at 5:34 PM

    Hi Dave I wanted to say from reading your comment that I relate to you as in dealing with deep depression and it is true and real at times some people dealing with deep depression don’t get any relief from medication, when I hear you mention your wife and how she is the best kind you could have found I started to think that perhaps the universe sent her to you as a unconditional source of love and acceptance with all the darkness you’ve had to live with inside yourself.one of the thoughts that I struggle with is that I’m 40 and still struggling with this depression and living so poorly and it has affected my parenting my son to the point he has depression now and is taking medication I start to downplay my effort my fighting a good fight with this depression,at the same time I am aware that there is something bigger than me and the things that I have been given to struggle with in this life is for overcoming and growing and rebuilding myself. That awareness doesn’t stop the suffering but it does say there is alot of room for me to change in a positive way. I just wanted to share and say your not alone in this struggle. Cara

  • Tricia

    July 11th, 2015 at 8:48 PM

    Dave, I relate to EVERY SINGLE thing you have said here. Medication does not help me, at least not enough to have a real life and function like a “normal” person. I don’t have the love and support of a spouse and no sense of safety or security which makes it so much harder. You are blessed to have your wife even if feelings of guilt invade your thoughts. She loves you because if she didn’t, she’d of left you long ago. I go back and fourth between feeling MAYBE someday I’ll be okay and just accepting that this is my life. I’m terrified of becoming homeless and or having no meaning at all in this world.
    Anyway, you’re the first person I have read about who sounds exactly like me. (Except I haven’t found a job I can handle for long because I can’t stand certain types of people, they literally make me sick. Not to mention the fact that I have other physical illnesses that make it hard to handle a schedule.)
    You are certainly not alone.

  • Rusty

    July 11th, 2015 at 12:55 PM

    Does anyone experience pure hate from former friends or family members due to your depression?

  • anne

    July 12th, 2015 at 11:12 AM

    For about years I have been made aware and struggled with my depression. Yesterday saw a terrible flare up/mood swing. I felt slighted by co-workers and overshadowed by my prettier little sister who received their attention… all of that set off a chain reaction of negative/self-destructive thoughts (which are connected to earlier events in my life) that I’m still struggling to keep under my hat so I don’t go into work today as a broken crying mess. I posted about this (feeling anxious and depressed and needing a vest/jacket to administer an artificial hug–they make those for adhd, autism, anxiety, etc.) on Facebook and guess how many of my family and friends took notice? NONE OF THEM. Not a single one gave a shit. I felt so alone in all of this that I cried even more and started rationalizing why they didn’t care. “I’m a burden. No one loves me. I’m too ugly. Whiny. Fat. Ugly. Useless. Worthless. God why can’t I just die?” I started thinking of ways to end myself and where to do it. I started imagining no one would care and given they way people treat me, it’s hard to think about anyone caring if I died. In worse imaginings I can see them celebrating. But I’m too much of a coward to end my life… so I’m slowly waiting to die while racing in the rat race.

  • The GoodTherapy.org Team

    July 12th, 2015 at 12:20 PM

    Thank you for your comment, Anne. We wanted to provide links to some resources that may be relevant to you here. We have more information about what to do in a crisis at https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html

    Warm regards,
    The GoodTherapy.org Team

  • DAVE R

    July 14th, 2015 at 4:05 AM

    its real hard to accept being depressed ive tryed god and still do read entire bible never got any comfort from it i go to church every sunday pray all the time give money but no results . i am a little agnostic but i still try my best to belive in someone we cant prove because we never lived in that day and time just a belief cant really ever existed and who actually followed god around and was able to record every thing god said with nothing to write with ? church is the biggest business money makeing in the world with no proof it ever happened . i never felt in life i was ever was accepted by people as a friend always being a loner . i have tryed to be friends with people but just never had any luck . i have no real intrest in life but i still try every day . i have every thing house cars all the toys but it dont give me peace . always feel something is missing and cant find what it is . if its god he is deaf i do the best i can . i hear people talk all the time how blessed i am and i say how do you describe blessed is it because you worked and aquired the things you have or it was given to me . i feel its because i worked for it . if i pray constantly and never move a finger nothing changes . i feel i have the will to make what life i have . i would give all i have to really know god is there thats my problem i NEED TO KNOW HE IS THERE not just a belief . i see people that have baby after baby that dont want the child just so they get a bigger government check and god blesses them with a child they dont want makes no sence . people that want kids cant have them that would be good parents . or if someone was rapped god blesses them with a child makes no sence . oh well so much for the preaching thanks for all the comments it makes me feel i have a friend

  • Sian T

    July 18th, 2015 at 4:08 AM

    Dear Dave,
    I felt so sad when I read your comments,I have suffered with anxiety and depression for many
    Years and know the pain it causes. Yet there is something I wanted to share with you,I believe that
    God loves you dearly. Reading the Bible can be very difficult especially when depressed. May I
    Suggest you could say a prayer something like “God I have struggled so long please through your
    Spirit help me find the love and forgiveness that’s found in your son Lord Jesus.”I believe he will
    Hear you I am not suggesting all your problems will disappear, I struggle daily. Dave my Prayer
    For you is that you may find hope in your pain. Have you ever listened to Premier Christian radio?
    On their website they have a programme Mind and Soul which is helpful. Please don’t give up.
    Jeremiah 29:13 says “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart”.
    Take Care Sian.

  • Laura

    July 23rd, 2015 at 10:20 PM

    There is light at the end of this, please do not give up. I’m pregnant now and my depression is returning which is scary and why I’m looking at message boards again. However I had been completely better for two years. Life was good. It can be again. I know this coming back is hormonal and chemical and the dark places it takes me (very dark) are not real or at least distorted. The things I focus on about my failings as a person are what makes me feel worthless. But I didnt feel like this 5 months ago and that’s important to remember. When I was depressed before I took action and got anti depressants, which I didn’t want to do but I had to take some action for how I was feeling. Then I managed to carry on with life even though I was depressed, the tablets numbed me a bit, I cried all the time and generally felt crap but depression is an illness not who you are. I held on to that and after a year I did come out the other side. I came off the tablets and in some respects felt I woke up a bit (due to numbing effect) realised i found my job boring and changed jobs.
    Then life got better and eventually good and it stayed good for two years. In that time I had a miscarriage and a car crash and I didn’t get depressed because depression’s not like that, it’s unrelated to tough times because it’s an illness not a reflection of your life. Be proactive, get whatever help you can. Let your family and friends know your are depressed and don’t expect anything from yourself but the dedication to keep trying. I wish you all the best x

  • jonathan

    July 26th, 2015 at 5:53 AM

    -sigh- its very depressing because my friend is going through this and she thinks I don’t understand but I do understand I just don’t know what to say or how to explain to her that I care and that I wanna help and stuff.. but I always say the wrong thing and makes her either feel sad or she starts crying…

  • star

    September 2nd, 2015 at 3:22 PM

    Your friend needs your help. Make her feel happy and special. People with depression get better if there is support.

  • Virginia

    July 30th, 2015 at 4:15 PM

    Thanks for this article and for being understanding towards your loved one. Depression is the worst. I had it before in high school. At the time I was sad in general about the things in my life but the depression itself was actually more of this deadening apathy towards everything. It was as though there was a barrier to feeling anything- think of wearing gloves. I was still happy and sad but it was like the difference between touching something with bare hands and holding that same thing with gloves on. It was as though I were one step removed from everything I felt, every emotion I experienced. It was hard but I was talking to someone and trying several medications and it eventually passed. Fast forward to present day, and my current depression is a totally different animal. It is everything you say here. I lost my mom 3 years ago and 2 years ago I felt the depression setting in. Not just grief but something wrong. I was on Paxil for my OCD/Anxiety and with everything going on, it just wasn’t doing everything it used to for me. I needed more or I neede a different medication. I was in the midst of waiting for my new Effexor to kick in at this time. When you switch meds, you’re essentially flying without a net while you wait to see if it works and as your doctor tries to determine dosage. It was then that I had an extremely intense verbal fight with my brother and that’s when everything went down hill completely. I quit any meds including those for hypothyroidism (which can effect depression as well). I was livid and didn’t see the point of trying to take care of myself when those around me were so unwilling to be understanding when the chips were down. I haven’t taken anything since. I know that wasn’t a good decision but I still cannot bring myself to go get help anymore. My depression has me completely hopeless, irritable, and just so sad I can’t function. I feel like just sobbing every day. Getting out of bed is so difficult that I dread it. I wish I wouldn’t wake up because I am so through with everything. I was never much of an angry person, but now I find myself nearly violent. I yell and I hate that. I can’t take care of myself properly nor my pets. The anxiety coupled with the depression makes everything seem overwhelming and scary and pointless- even the little bits of good left. I feel physically weighed down by this heaviness that is, like you said, nowhere but everywhere. It’s like this thick black ooze that’s just weighing your heart down. It’s an odd physical feeling without actually being a physical pain? I am floundering big time but I can’t get my head above water long enough to reach for a rope. I try over and over again to explain these things to those around me but it’s hard for them to understand I suppose. My illnesses weigh heaviest on me, but they weigh on those around me too. I apologize for it all the time. I know 100% through their actions and words that they resent me for it. Just get your sh*t together. Except as much as I want to I just can’t. I know I brought some of it on myself by not seeking treatment. what they don’t tell you is that logic and subjectivity are hard to hold on to in the middle of depression. Logic would say that if you are sick, you seek treatment wether for a bad cold or a broken limb or depression. depression is not logical but instead twists your judgement and sells itself as pure truth. You feel like you’re seeing the world honest and stripped down, all horror and uglyness. It’s no the fluff of everyday life, it’s only bare bones truth. Like you said, your reality before starts to feel like a lie you’ve told yourself just to comfort yourself. Why take some pill to pave over this undeniable truth? Why pretend? As such, seeking treatment can be very hard sometimes. Nothing matters, and nothing is possible. That includes getting better. I feel abandoned and isolated and resentful myself. I’ve been made to feel blame and I’ve been made out as a burden. With no way to work, I have to continue living at home and my father offers less support than judgement. Any emotion I have, any flare up is a direct annoyance to him. He acts personally offended and extremely angry when I express anything that I’m feeling. My hands are tied and it’s as if I should feel shame for being sick. This is the same attitude I get while on medication too. Ultimately, it’s a “get better or go to hell” type of situation. I’m only as worthwhile as I am well. I can’t tell you the sadness of knowing that you are alone in your suffering. The sadness of needing support but recieving blame and anger instead. Mental illness is a real illness and it’s such a shame when it’s disregarded or resented. I just want to say thank you to those who actually try to understand the people in their lives going through mental illness. Even though sometimes we might not seem responsive to it or grateful for it, we can tell when the concern is real and the advice is tender. It’s very appreciated. Too many of us are made to feel even worse. Good luck to those suffering and those being supportive.

  • Jess

    September 27th, 2015 at 10:24 PM

    Wow. I couldnt see through my tears half way through your post. It’s like someone’s writing the things I’ve never been able to articulate. I’m so sorry you have to endure this but so grateful to know I’m not alone xx

  • Shola

    December 17th, 2015 at 7:02 PM

    Thank you for this message Virginia and for being so strong. My prayer for you is that it shall surely pass.. You are not alone and there are many of us out here who cannot fully understand what you’re going through but can relate with it one way of the other.
    Feel free to connect with me of face book or leave me a message here.
    You can also join a private group that I am part of on Facebook: From Darkness to Light..

  • Ghislaine L.

    August 2nd, 2015 at 12:48 PM

    Really good blog, thank you very much for your effort in writing this post.

  • Depressed person

    August 2nd, 2015 at 1:35 PM

    That’s almost exactly right. Except the person might remember feeling happy at some point but still not be able to feel Anything anymore, and not remember what it was like when they were happy, but not deny they were happy.

  • Charlotte

    August 6th, 2015 at 5:17 PM

    This speaks to me more than anything I have ever read. That deep, dark place that feels physical but completely in your own head. Quicksand is perfect. I don’t feel so alone.

  • Ryan

    September 4th, 2015 at 9:35 AM

    Im still rather young, only 25 but ive been dealing with depression for most of my life, since as far back as kinder garden. I turned to video games to fill the hole in my life left by the lack of friendship. At first just single player games, just trying to ignore real people, but then I started playing World of Warcraft about 10 years ago. For the first time I was actually experiencing friendship, socializing with other players and do stuff together with them. Ive played WoW ever since, its been really the only thing that ever really helped, counseling lead nowhere and medication just made me feel dead inside. And college was the first time I wasn’t depressed because I got to make real friends who all enjoyed the same kind of stuff I do. But when I came home college the separation from my friends, a failed relationship, and the deaths of several family members have sent me spiraling back into depression like I haven’t felt it in years. And now on top of all that i’m now being cut off from the one thing that’s gotten me through to this point because my family thinks I’m an addict. I’m at a loss for what to do.

  • Zachary

    September 9th, 2015 at 11:21 AM

    Let your family read this post. They may think you are using the game like alcohol or other dangerous drugs. I don’t know how to get out of depression but I know if something helps, then do it.

  • Lori

    September 11th, 2015 at 11:31 PM

    best description I’ve ever read that relates to how my depression feels to me. Thank you!

  • cathy

    September 13th, 2015 at 2:52 AM

    I disagree with writers comments on tragic death. Complicated grief and major depression can go hand in hand as it did for me,mindfulness tools have been a major part of my recovery and my NEW life journey

  • Amy

    September 24th, 2015 at 1:13 AM

    For me it’s like being trapped in an invisible empty box full of unpleasant reminders of myself and looking out of a blurry window to see many others on the other side having fun, living happily, smiling, and laughing from stupid jokes. Much of which I don’t understand where the source of that happiness comes from or how it was remotely funny though I don’t know what remotely means, I’m guessing it means in general. I Mostly see others hugging and acting “friendly” I wish someone would love me like that though it is a hopeless wish. sometimes they come up to talk with me but don’t know I’m in an invisible box and it almost seems like they are speaking a different language. After a bit there will always be a misunderstanding and they’ll become rude for a couple days then ignore my existence. Which should have happened to begin with. But then I realize none of this is real and become indifferent toward others. Because of me others are often offended. Though I could care less, their arrogance bored me regardless and their feelings aren’t genuine.

  • Shannon

    December 2nd, 2015 at 6:13 PM

    Hi Emily. Your description out of the others is most closely retable to how I feel.

  • Shannon

    December 2nd, 2015 at 6:14 PM

    *out of all the other descriptions, *relatable

  • Dayne F.

    October 7th, 2015 at 8:59 AM

    Mine pretty much started when I got to college. I screwed up a lot, more through arrogance than shear incompetence, and after that it hit me. Everything that felt great, all of my nerdy hobbies, it all feels so sterile now. Like it never made a difference. Everything I used to love doing has become a bother. I detest college now more than ever, when I used to not be able to wait until I could go back and get some work done. Thankfully, after suicide struggles in my teen years, I haven’t wrestled with thoughts like that since. I’d let down too many people. But if my existence ended tomorrow, it wouldn’t matter to me. My life has stagnated to the point of complete inertia. In hindsight, I should probably be doing something about it, instead of whining about my problems on this thing, but here we are. I do hope all of you struggling with the same thing do well, and find your way out of the hole. I can’t speak for it getting better, but you’re definitely not alone. Not by a long shot.

  • Taylor

    October 11th, 2015 at 9:52 PM

    I myself have been dealing with depression for well over a year, and it’s the worst thing to ever deal with. My depression comes from my mentally abusive parents, who have inflicted pain on me for many years. My Mother would be the mentally abusive person, while my Father would sometimes physically harm me. I’ve lately been able to fend my father off, but alot of times my parents would call the police on me and make me look like the bad person. I’m now out on my own (have been since this past January), and my parents now live a few states away from me (they are in North Carolina, I’m currently in Oklahoma, I plan to move to California in December). I plan to go visit my parents after I move, but only because my younger siblings are with them, otherwise I would not go visit. But yeah, that’s for another topic, this is about depression. I do everything I can to better myself daily, that way I can get my mind off of this, and that way I live a life of happiness and purpose. I hope we all will be able to do that, and hopefully one day our stories will help others in the same or similar situations.

  • Patrice

    January 5th, 2016 at 5:29 AM

    Taylor, why go back to your abusers? Your siblings will finally figure things out and leave as well. I’m in a similar situation and I’ve gone no contact. It hurts like h#ll, but for the sake of healing, don’t go back. For any reason. Your mental health should be priority #1. I called once thinking things works have changed, but it scarred me much deeper. Now I’m in therapy and diagnosed with cPTSD & depression.

    Take care.

  • X

    October 12th, 2015 at 11:08 AM

    This is exactly how I feel.
    But the solution given does not help me at all. Ive been such a shell that sometimes even loved ones who knows me very well cannot notice or believe me.

  • Lost

    October 17th, 2015 at 3:33 PM

    I’m 17 right now. The first real depressive episode that I can remember was at the end of my gr. 8-year, when I was 14. I still don’t know what triggered it, but there are a few possibilities. And even though I haven’t been going through it that long, it seems like a lifetime. There were times when it would subside for a while and during those times I’d always regain hope that I’ll go “back to normal”, but it never lasted. My biggest frustration was and is the fact that no one seems to understand. I told my friends numerous times and tried to explain it, but they blamed my bouts of despair on other, smaller things. Still now I’m going through it alone. I’ve been to the school councilor three times already and she always blames it on stress. I guess that’s partly because I didn’t know how to explain it. After reading this article, I finally found the right words, even though they aren’t my own. I’ve been comparing it to an ocean in which I’ve been drowning, a parasite, a shadow, chains… But still it never seemed to sink in with anyone. I’ve been searching the Internet hoping to get a good explanation for the way I’ve been feeling, only to find a bunch of meaningless words that doesn’t come close to explaining what it’s actually like. What makes it harder is that everyone’s situation is different, which means that even though my one close friend is also going through it, she has a different experience than I do, making me feel even more alone. In the past I used to tell myself that it was my own fault, that I was lazy and that I was feeling sorry for myself because I didn’t want to be pitied or worse, to pity myself. But when it still didn’t go away, when it kept coming back, I finally had to admit to myself that it was more than just normal mood swings. I think one of the reasons why I don’t understand my depression is because I don’t really have a bad life. I have good friends and a good family, nothing bad ever happened to me (at least not a major bad thing) and I’m actually really lucky. Therefore I don’t understand why I’m depressed, because I have nothing to be depressed about. But when I look at the symptoms or hear other people who’s going through it talking about it, I understand because I feel the same way. I feel isolated, different. I hate going out in public and prefer to be locked up in my room with the curtains closed. I don’t care about my appearance and I’m constantly tired. I’ve contemplated death so many times I lost count and I always feel disconnected from everyone around me. I’ve lost interest in nearly everything by now and I’ve given up trying to dream about a better life, because I’m tired of being disappointed. During my depressive episodes, humanity seems like a lost cause and living seems worthless. I see the world through dark sunglasses and everything that once seemed amazing and beautiful seems like a lie. I go through a day unable to bring myself to get up and later regret another day gone by without any progress having been made. I promise myself to do better the following day, only to fall into the same pit once again. Because of this, I’ve been failing two of my classes and I still haven’t reached any of my goals. My parents are fed-up because I refuse to take extra classes and they don’t understand why I’m struggling so much. I tried to explain to them, but they said it’s normal for a teenager to have ups and downs. I find it impossible to juggle school life, friends, family and everything else and because of that, everyone is starting to get annoyed with me. My sister constantly complains when I don’t spend time with her or help her in the house or do things that “normal” sisters are supposed to do, which only adds to my guilt. I try to keep myself together so that I can help those I care about and be there for them, but eventually I just fall all over again. Right now I absolutely hate school and I have to drag myself out of bed to get anything done. My future looks grey and hopeless, but I’m past the point of being suicidal.

  • GoodTherapy Admin

    October 17th, 2015 at 8:37 PM

    Thank you for your comment, Lost. We wanted to provide links to some resources that may be relevant to you here. We have more information about what to do in a crisis at https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html

    Warm regards,
    The GoodTherapy.org Team

  • Kitty

    October 29th, 2015 at 8:48 PM

    I just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone. I came to this website trying to find someone like me. I feel like no one understands or refuses to understand what’s going on with me. 96% of what you’ve described is similar to my situation and I really want to say thank you so much for sharing.

  • Fiona

    November 1st, 2015 at 6:18 AM

    Can I just say that I totally relate to what your going through as I was in this scary head space years ago after a failed marriage and struggling to make ends meet. No one understood – even my own family felt unable to help and I became suicidally depressed as if in a dark cave of despair. I joined a gym and went there obsessively every day as by then I was back at home with my parents and having frightening thoughts about murdering them. I was full of anger and self loathing and paranoia. Slowly over time the endorphins from regular exercise started to kick in and I could ween myself off Prosak. Years later I have found that the only thing that brings me back from the brink is regular exercise. I really recommend it to anyone suffering from depression. Put on your jogging shoes, strap yourself into an iPod and run .. Only listen to upbeat music with positive lyrics. Watch loads of funny DVDs, eat lots of fresh fruit and veg and slowly you will come out of it. It worked and continues to work for me… And there is a history of depression and Schizofrenia in mug family!

  • Maria

    October 18th, 2015 at 3:21 PM

    I hope if anything, one person reads this & takes something from my comments:

    I’ve been depressed in one way or another, since I was very, very young.
    My depression got worse when I fell pregnant with my first child as I suffered terrible morning sickness for six months.
    I got pregnant again 11 months later & was then sick for the whole pregnancy…

    My depression was back then, occasional I guess…

    2 years & 2 months ago, my boys were just 6 & 4 at this point, I found my partner of eleven years had shot himself at home in our garden shed.
    I’ve never felt a pain like it, I hate my life, I am constantly told that I have to carry on for the sake of my boys, our boys & I struggle. Most days I honestly don’t want to.
    The place described in this blog & in most of your comments is the place I now frequent almost daily. I am on the maximum amount of antidepressants I can be on & still can’t see a reason to move forward.
    I’m begging each of you, please, don’t put anybody through this complete hell. You may believe that things are tough, and believe me, I certainly know the depths of this demon BUT, had my partner shared with me what he ‘thought’ was going on in his life, there were simple solutions for every issue…

    You need to share your burden, if friends won’t listen, or, like me, you feel you’ve told them enough but nothing’s changing, keep talking. Talk to anybody, somebody will find your solution. It might not happen straight away but it will happen. Don’t end your own life and place every person that knows you down this pit, hold on xx

  • Shola

    December 17th, 2015 at 6:42 PM

    Thanks for sharing and for being so selfless. Xx

  • shadow

    October 23rd, 2015 at 5:34 PM

    This is a complete explanation of what I have been trying to explain to my family and loved ones. May I link them to this please?

  • Sw

    November 1st, 2015 at 12:18 PM

    I have been depressed since I was a kid. My sons dad and I almost got divorced and reconciled after two and a half years. I felt like I loved him and hurt eveysingle day without him. Now that we r together my depression and anxiety make me feel like I don’t love him. I start to think maybe there is soenone else. I have the false allusion that being with the “right” person will fix it. Most days I feel sad and want to cry. I have tried several meds in several years. I feel like my life is a waste and don’t know why I’m here when I can’t enjoy it. :(

  • Anas M.

    November 1st, 2015 at 2:44 PM

    Hi there.. I don’t know if this will help or not. But I just want to let this off my chest. It all started as a young kids with my parents being divorced and what not. Fighting for custody battles between both parents. To being raped and molested by my two older siblings.. to being abused physically mentally and emotionally. I ate my emotions out since I couldn’t speak with my words I let food do my talking. I was bullied at from first grade to high school. I was suicidal at the age of 8 and tried killing myself several times. After that day suicide always crossed my mind still till today I won’t do it. But it’s there I couldn’t control it back in the day so I use to tempt myself to jump in the street and get hit. Growing up with my parents divorced my mother got custody of me in 2007 and I changed my name for 3 years trying to hide myself from being bullied again. I became quiet and shy I didn’t talk to people. I went to new schools every six months because my mother was not rich and easy supporting 4 kids on her own. Basically by 2010 my father who neglected us as his children never loved us always cared for his wife more then us. And it hurt so by the time I graduated high school some stuff happend and my father tried sending me and my little brothers to jail for breaking into our own home. So we lived in shelters for 3 years and Yada Yada 2 years later here I am at 21.. almost 22. Hating myself, suicidal but won’t kill myself, feeling alone, feel empty like I’m not whole, I’m not happy anymore.. I don’t think I was ever happy to start off with, I feel like I don’t belong here. I have severe/chronic depression and sexual problems due to me being molested and rape, I think I have ptsd because I hear voices in my head and I talk with them it’s really getting to a point where I feel like this thing inside of me is going to take over. And I just can’t take it anymore I’m going to lose it i don’t know what to do. I’ve been alone all my life and it never seems to get any brighter for me I feel myself eating away this pain I’ve kept inside of me for so long it hurts.. I think Im a pedophile .. I like younger girls like 10 years younger but I would never act on it I’m a very sweet compassionate person I just don’t know how to hold these pieces together. For a while now it feels like I’m not here in a sense like I’m out of my body yeah I’m living but I feel dead weight inside like I’m suppose to sleep and eat and walk and talk but I don’t feel myself being in there I feel my self out of my body.. idk I hope know one judges me.. but then again I’m pretty sure you will like everyone else

  • GoodTherapy Admin

    November 1st, 2015 at 6:37 PM

    Thank you for your comment, Anas. We wanted to provide links to some resources that may be relevant to you here. We have more information about what to do in a crisis at https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html

    Warm regards,
    The GoodTherapy.org Team

  • Shola

    December 17th, 2015 at 6:36 PM

    Hi Anas, it’s nice to meet.. I have a loved one who is clinically depressed and has particularly had an episode for a while now, I know I can’t appreciate fully what you’re going through but I can relate with it. My parents died early in life and I went through some very difficult times..

    Anyway, nice to connect with you.. I’m part of a support (private group) on Facebook for people going through depression or are bipolar (or have loved ones who are), we share, we have fun, talk and no one judges.. There’s also a lot of information posted on care, coping, and how to get more resource..

    You can search for me on FB and send me a personal message. You can also look for the private group: From Darkness to Light.
    I’ll be really glad to hear from you :)

  • alison campbell

    November 1st, 2015 at 11:21 PM

    100% accurate.. on depression and how it makes you feel. I can now put my thoughts into words. xx

  • Rochelle

    December 16th, 2015 at 10:51 PM

    My depression = lock myself in the house for days. Don’t see the sunlight. This was easy as I was doing my BTECH where we attended classes irregularly. I think Trance music helps with my depression.

  • jack

    December 17th, 2015 at 6:05 PM

    Yea music definitely helps..and if locking yourself in a room for days help..I wouldn’t knock it..a little time owt can help the dust settle to kick start again.👍

  • jack

    December 17th, 2015 at 5:49 PM

    As I read these articles I fèel a small relese…it’s short lived..my emotions are wild at the moment..bottomless pit..there’s a small light in the tunnel..I know this as I’ve been here before..I’m getting fed up with it..I have 4 children..my world,.why am I failing them this way…they deserve a happy daddy..I’m 40 now and my young egotistic persona that served me so well as a wall for my issues has gone..I’m vunruble..I’ve changed..I panic..I worry..I think..” but it’s christmas what about the kids”..my partners losing her patience..I feel like walking owt and just keep on walking..what’s wrong with me..my little girls lovelly smile and big blue eyes nearly bring me to my knees..she doesn’t deserve an unhappy daddy…..I’m back..where did that spring from…it’s short lived..my partner hints of an earlly night..my drive is non existent…another let down..back at the psychiatrist next week..my life of losing a child,…my mother being raped..my younger brother being abused..another brother developed sckitsafrenia…I’ve allways thought I was the strong one…I have to be…i carnt hold this together any more..the angers unreal..the depressions is gut reaching…the scars on my wrist a constant reminder of my attempt of escape..I’d hurt so many people around me with my years of substance abuse mixed with my ego that got me bye…I’m not going back there I carnt..my maturity has taken over me…I’m clean..but my world imploding..the 15 years of anti depresents feels like a dream..becoming a nightmare…where next..I’m totally numb…”I’m not loving enough”..I don’t know who the fck I am..but hay..it’s 7.30 and the kids are getting up……..I have a interview with an agency at 14.00….”Christmas is round the corner”….I feel for any one of you’s guys who experience the lows of life….its a fight…but if I have learnt one lesson from the ups and downs..it’s ok to lose..it’s ok to not want to leave your bed for days..we arnt robots folks…we are fighters.☺

  • Rochelle

    December 17th, 2015 at 10:35 PM

    I’m 22, no kids or even a boyfriend and I’m depressed but happy…can’t explain. Guys like me but the thing is I like no1, LoL…suffering from a bad past relationship. You married with 4 kids but still depressed/unhappy…………………………..What is happiness then?

    Loneliness / single / divorced = unhappy
    Not lonely / married = unhappy

  • F

    December 23rd, 2015 at 3:16 AM

    This is a very nice post and describes the feeling very well. I wish more people would know about this. I’ve been depressed 5 years due to a burn out, but I was too ashamed to seek help until a year ago, I started mirtazapine but never got a follow up, so I had to just stop the medicine and lost all motivation, 3 months ago I was at my clinic testing for stomach ulcers, and the doctor saw I was on mirtazapine and asked if I wanted to try a different medication. I was subscribed sertraline which made me feel so much worse the first 3 weeks. I actually ended up trying to commit suicide, and I was hospitalized for a month. I was put on anafranil, and it’s so far the only medication that worked for me. To anyone reading this who isn’t sure if they should seek help. Do it! it changed my life, I was able to feel happiness, I found long lost personality traits coming back. I had the energy to talk to other people and get involved in their life.
    Unfortunately I was put on venlafaxine instead of anafranil since venlafaxine is a more modern medicine with less side effects. This medication does nothing for me, so now I’m just in a limbo waiting for a doctors appointment to discuss my treatment. I know there are plenty of different medications so I’m feeling hopeful I will find one that works for me, or go back to anafranil even though the side effects were so bad.
    I’ve met a girl recently who knows about my situation, and I am gonna have her read this post. She has never been depressed and it’s obvious she doesnt really understand how it feels, If I tell her I’m having anxiety and bad thoughts, her reaction is “aw but you need to think positive thoughts!”
    Which is quiet impossible to do, when nothing in the world makes you even feel a glimpse of happiness, when you havent smiled once for weeks. And getting out of bed is such a struggle that when you finally make it you feel like going back because you are exhausted. The fatigue and lethargy is always there. The insomnia is so vexing. And the worst part is probably that I want to be like a normal person, I want to go to work, and when I’m there it’s like hell, I can’t stop feeling anxious and I work in a grocery store so I need to be helpful and show customer service, I can’t have one moment of weakness.
    This is something that drains your energy and it’s hard finding positive thougths at all when your life revolves around your daily struggles of keeping up with life.
    I hope people out there who haven’t got help read this and realise that there is help. Either psychotherapy or medication or both. Please seek help. Medication can help you, and I promise you it is amazing to be able to feel happiness again. It took me 2 weeks of intravenous anafranil to feel happy again. 5 years of hell and 2 weeks of medication just made it better like that. I didn’t believe it myself until it happened.

  • Deb D.

    December 26th, 2015 at 7:25 PM

    Good for you! I applaud you persistence to live and enjoy life … well, working on enjoyment. I am with you! Life matters.

  • James

    January 8th, 2016 at 11:43 AM

    I like this, it’s really describes a lot of how it feels. For me it’s a bit different, Since I’ve had severe depression for as long as I can remember and this is basically normal for me now. My more major depressive episodes just end up making it worse, however since I for some reason have an incredibly nearly impossible inability to think. I can usually get out of the worse episode within a month or a month and a half because I don’t think about anything which means no depressive thoughts. Also, I used to describe it as if some dark figure grabbing onto you and pulling you down into a dark hole but I like this quicksand explanation better. It’s less demonizing. I don’t think Therapy would really work since I’d just end up lying like I usually do when I talk to people about my personal issues. It’s not that it’s hard to trust someone, I just don’t like sharing it I dislike trying to rely on others I suppose. I should really get around to visiting my doctor and talking about medication. Just don’t really see a point I guess, since I’ve been living pretty fine with it all my life well since I can remember anyway. The furthest back I can remember being like this was when I was 12 or 13 maybe I’m 23 now.

  • The GoodTherapy.org Team

    January 8th, 2016 at 3:59 PM

    Dear James,

    Thank you for sharing. We appreciate your comment. The GoodTherapy.org Team is not qualified to offer professional advice, but we encourage you to reach out. Though it is often difficult to talk to people about personal issues, as you mention, speaking to a caring, ethical mental health professional is often very beneficial, especially in the case of serious mental health concerns.

    If you would like to speak to a therapist or counselor, please know you can use our website to locate one in your area.

    Simply enter your ZIP code here:

    If you are in crisis, please contact local law enforcement or visit the emergency room. You can find other crisis resources, such as hotline numbers, on this page:


    Please know you are not alone. Help is available, and we wish you the best of luck in your search.

    Kind regards,
    The GoodTherapy.org Team

  • Lee

    January 10th, 2016 at 11:11 PM

    I have a boyfriend that currently is depressed. He was a happy individual that has quickly plummeted.
    He will not answer the phone. He does not respond to any form of contact.
    This has been going on for 4 months.
    He in the past has wanted to talk about the depression.
    I am worried sick over him.
    I am available to him of course but he will not reach out to me.
    How do I reach him?

  • The GoodTherapy.org Team

    January 11th, 2016 at 9:34 AM

    Dear Lee,

    Thank you for your comment. We are sorry to hear what your boyfriend is experiencing. A therapist or counselor can often be helpful when a person is coping with depression. If your boyfriend would like to talk to someone, please let him know he can use our website to search for a qualified professional in the area.

    Simply enter your ZIP code here:


    Please know help is available, and we wish you both the best of luck.

    Kind regards,

    The GoodTherapy.org Team

  • France

    January 13th, 2016 at 4:11 AM

    This why art and music and great literature are so vital: to help us transcend our wretched human condition. Depression is in my opinion another word for not having a thick enough skin to be able to ignore how fleeting our lives are, and how horrible people can be to one another. The depressed mind has not been able to trick itself into successfully ignoring all the vileness.

  • Allyn M. R.

    January 24th, 2016 at 12:14 AM

    My sister is currently diagnosed with Major depressive disorder with psychotic features. We really want to help her recover but we struggle from financial difficulties to continue her therapy. It’s so stressful and im so drained – physically, emotionally, mentally- ever since this happened.

  • Johnny

    February 3rd, 2016 at 4:13 PM

    At 38 I can tell you that I only know decades of the deepest and darkest hell on earth that is depression and trauma. I also know the episodes of goodness which most refer to as everyday life. They come around infrequently, probably .01% of the time, and are a fleeting reminder of a lost, and once promising soul, whose voice will never be heard.

  • Cindy

    February 8th, 2016 at 8:28 AM

    I have been dealing with Major Depressive Disorder for over 30 years. I current take a daily dose of 150mg of sertraline. I constantly feel misunderstood and feel out of place. I have “depressed” episodes where I am in tears or near tears and have no reason why. My heart and mind feel “heavy”. I am also frequent of nightmares. I am very “absent minded”/”forgetful” and my husband says I just use my MDD as an excuse. I unknowingly do things that irritate him quite often. I hate it when people say, “just get over it” or “just think positive thoughts” How can one do this when the mental state I’m in is not in my control?

  • The GoodTherapy.org Team

    February 8th, 2016 at 8:55 AM

    Dear Cindy,

    If you would like to talk about what you are feeling with a qualified mental health professional, feel free to return to our homepage, https://www.goodtherapy.org/, and enter your zip code into the search field to find therapists in your area.

    Once you enter your information, you’ll be directed to a list of therapists and counselors who meet your criteria. From this list you can click to view our members’ full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information. You are also welcome to call us for assistance finding a therapist. We are in the office Monday through Friday from 8:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. Pacific Time; our phone number is 888-563-2112 ext. 1.

    Kind regards,

    The GoodTherapy.org Team

  • Krysta

    February 11th, 2016 at 12:32 PM

    Hi I have majer depression my depression feels like what you described it hurts a lot and when my life couldn’t get anymore worse it did I had 4 seizures one in 13 14 15 two in 16 I get flashbacks I’m really scared I don’t know what do do its too scary to get over and when I’m getting over my last one I have another one then I have to start all over again it truly sucks I hate it so much

  • The GoodTherapy.org Team

    February 11th, 2016 at 4:09 PM

    Dear Krysta,

    Thank you for your comment. We are sorry to hear of what you are experiencing. The GoodTherapy.org Team is not qualified to offer professional advice, but we encourage you to reach out. A qualified mental health professional may be able to help you address symptoms of depression and develop a treatment plan.

    You can locate a therapist in your area by using our site. Simply enter your ZIP code here:

    Please know you are not alone. Help is available, and we wish you the best of luck in your search.

    Kind regards,
    The GoodTherapy.org Team

  • Hope

    March 6th, 2016 at 2:43 PM

    Tears roll down my cheeks as I try to pull myself together after your words ….you described my depression perfectly. I have NEVER been able to out it into words,I have tried every way possible to do so but I still no matter how many books, articles, websites, poems, nothing described it in such a chilling , sureal,almost scary,yet relieving way that you have done for me and as i see so so many others. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. ..I cry from joy because someone really does understand us yet my tears are also from realizing that someone does really understand how we feel..but now what? I cry as I type this because what am I to do with myself?? When the fight has been fought over and over and over again….just to know its coming back real soon….I am tired and I am so tired of being sick and tired..I don’t want to do this anymore. I feel so helpless to anyone anymore…truly I know I am not worth all this trouble. Their life would be so much less troubling and they could all move on because I know I hold everyone up all the time…I need some hope but I know this won’t be the last time…I am tired just so tired..it will never just be ..never,,will it? Thanks for your time if anyone has read this…hold on tight everyone….

  • Mandy

    March 27th, 2016 at 9:10 AM

    Your comments here mirror the way I have felt so many times in my life that I just had to reach out to you and I never reply to these things. You are not hopeless and you are NOT worthless! You matter and don’t let this evil disease convince you otherwise. I know from years of experience that it will get into your mind and convince you that no one could possibly love you and that you are too much trouble or a burden to your loved ones…that is a lie!! You are wonderful, created in the image of God. Hold on girl, don’t give up. This will pass, it always does. And yes, it will come back but it will pass the next time too. You are so much stronger than depression, just like I am. I am praying g for you right this second

  • Lara

    April 16th, 2016 at 6:53 PM

    I was searching the Web to try and understand a recent friends suicide. I had no real understanding of it before. I feel like this article really helped. It is the best I have found so far. Thankyou.

  • Pat

    May 14th, 2016 at 4:43 AM

    My wife has been very depressed for last few years since our son was born but in total denial that article is so true she is exactly like the article describes it .from living with her and the help of these articles I have learned to know what she’s going through it’s devistating and heartbreaking and I feel so useless

  • Richard

    May 24th, 2016 at 1:02 PM

    Great synopsis of depression and its seriousness.

  • lungelo s.

    September 24th, 2016 at 4:27 AM

    I’m a 19 year old male who had been diagnosed by depression 3 months ago.the last time I was happy was on the 7th of July 2016 but since then I feel like living in hell.every second I spend in this world seems to be as hot as a fire.it very painful to be in this situation because it feels like committing suicide is the only way out.I wish my family was rich maybe they could help me get medication but I’m unlucky because I come from a very poor background. If someone is willing to help me please contact me. yours faithful mr Lugelo S.

  • GoodTherapy Admin

    September 24th, 2016 at 7:30 AM

    Dear Lugelo,

    Thank you for your comment. We wanted to provide links to some resources that may be relevant to you here. We have more information about self harm at https://www.goodtherapy.org/therapy-for-self-harm.html and additional information about what to do in a crisis at https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html

    Warm regards,
    The GoodTherapy.org Team

  • Derek

    November 2nd, 2016 at 10:16 PM

    Hey lungelo I’m in a similar situation but the problem is I’m too stubborn to take meds, I’m seventeen now and I’ve had depression for 7 years now. Let me tell you this, it may seem like your entire world is falling apart around you, it could be that you feel like your a failure in some way, or people are abandoning you, or whatever it is that’s causing you problems, let me tell you this though. It gets better. I speak from experience. When I was a freshmen in highschool my sister got a rare form of sarcoma (back cancer) and she had to undergo several rounds of chemo and radiation. As if this weren’t enough, one of my best friends committed suicide on me 3 days after opening up to me about her depression. I was screwed up for so long. My self esteem dropped, and over time I began to wonder if my life even meant anything. It took a long time but I’m gradually picking up the pieces of happiness that I used to have. Sure it hurt, and I thought I wasn’t going to get through but I’m still here now. My advice is when you feel upset or feel like your dying inside pick yourself up and tell yourself you can be better, encourage yourself. Try to feel empowered. You are an amazing person if you put your mind to it.

  • Roxxanne

    October 23rd, 2016 at 1:53 AM

    I don’t usually identify well with articles about depression but I really liked this one. Perfectly captured my experience of depression which is important!

  • pretauk

    November 20th, 2016 at 1:15 AM

    That is exactly what it is,,,
    But after living with it for so long, I have learn to put my brakes on and wait to pass…
    usually a good cry and a long sleep helps me out, but the best medicine of it all is a strong cuddle from my family, meaning that they are there for me….

  • marissa

    December 9th, 2016 at 12:38 PM

    although I don’t know what it is like to have depression I can only imagine I know its not good to feel sorry because you wanted to be treated the same and I totally under stand that but I would like for you to know that I am truly sorry and I do frequently donate to cause’s that help people depression

  • Jess

    December 12th, 2016 at 10:40 PM

    I stumbled upon this article a few years back when I felt like I had reached my end point. I no longer felt welcomed on earth, as if I was an outcast that no one cared for. The worst feeling of all was being alone and looking back now, it truly frightens me how I was capable of convincing myself that I would be much better off isolated from everyone. I had seeked therapy and medication for my depression, along with my suicidal thoughts, but they didn’t quite help me as much as I would have liked. It wasn’t until an old friend that I had distanced myself from during this period, came back into my life and eventually became my partner. He has the most patience and somehow understands that I was going/still going through depression, and was willing to stay by my side every step of the way. Although I understand this now, it hasn’t always been smooth sailing. During my episodes. I would get a strange outburst of paranoia and lose my trust in him. It would take me sometime to get back to reality and see what he really means to me. Long story short, my life and mental health has seemed to have improved. A change in lifestyle (diet, exercise,career) seemed to have improved my mental stability. Keeping myself occupied has encouraged me to continue looking forward and to avoid looking at what once was. Now being with my partner for 3 years, he never once gave up and refuses to ever leave me over something I have no control over. He will read posts like these to help him better understand what I was going through, because relying on me to describe my feeling was very difficult and still is. This article basically spoke to me and reminded me of what my life had been just a couple years ago. This article couldn’t have been more vivid, and I’m glad I had stumbled upon it once again. (I forgot I had bookedmarked this page if ever needed during my episodes)
    Keep moving forward. Even if we are here to just one day leave, enjoy it, do things you enjoy (music, painting, singing in the shower on the top of your lungs) there will always be a light at the end of a dark tunnel, even if you gotta keep pushing though, it’s there. (light=peace within yourself)

  • Mike S L

    January 8th, 2017 at 4:33 PM

    Great article! Great analogies!
    “Screaming in a deaf world”
    “befriending the shadows”
    “the taste of grey”
    “the sight of dull”
    “an exhaustion of empathy”

  • j carter

    February 14th, 2017 at 1:33 PM

    I have been suffering from depression for quite some time, it feels like about a year. But between the loss of my mother and having my two boys back to back its been hard for me. This article hit such a chord with me I teared up a little. I wish people had a better understanding of my feelings, sometimes I don’t even understand. But this says it all. All. Just as a tid bit. I , emphasis on the I, started feeling better after I stopped breastfeeding and my ob prescribed contraceptives.

  • Tom H

    July 8th, 2017 at 11:17 PM

    Seems to me that there is very little “real” in evaluations of the world. Just because most of us feel or think similarly doesn’t mean we’re right and others who disagree with us are wrong or sick. Yes, the world can be dark and sinister, especially if you’re the wrong kind of being. We love our dogs almost as much as our blood family, sometimes more, but a simple change in chromosomes and that beloved, pampered dog lives a hellish life as a pig, painfully crated most of its life and destined to be butchered. So whether life is full of love and hope or despair and menace depends on someone’s circumstances. It’s disingenuous to discuss “reality” shifts without there being a clear, objective reality. If I perceive the bottom-most light on the traffic signal in the US to be red, then there’s a reason grounded in objectivity to claim my perception differs from reality, not just from most others’.

    But we’re not talking about objective phenomena. Many of the things we consider in the case of the depressed are dynamic and transient or highly subjective, like the way we feel towards others in our lives or our judgment of how they feel towards us. Just as fuzzy, many of the judgments about the depressed are far too easily biased by prevalent opinions–like a depressed person’s attitude towards “things that had given life meaning.” Neither science nor philosophy has proven life even has meaning. That seems to be something people feel, not a fact. So why should (how could) the cultural sentiments most of us share about things like life-meaning be indicative of a disease process or state? Again, what we seem to be talking about in such cases is that one’s perspectives have shifted in ways that are foreign to most in one’s community.

    I’m all for trying to understand depression and help those who’re depressed, but I think there’s too little empirically rigorous research into the mechanics of depression and far too many imprecise opinions and analogies regarding what others believe depression to be.

  • Johnny

    August 30th, 2017 at 8:01 PM

    When the depression deepens there’s a glass screen between you and the rest of humanity. “Between is a great gulf fixed.” And, let’s face it, nobody wants you around if your’e depressed. Being around people who want you to go away only makes you feel worse, and feel that isolation is the better answer. You slowly get lost in your own head, you chase the same thoughts, your mind empties. You become unmoored, nothing matters anymore, you see how pointless it was to ever try in the first place. “This man will remain as unfeeling, as unthinking as the dead, until the day he joins them. I don’t know whether I am alive and dreaming or dead and remembering” -Johnny Got His Gun. Each man faces death by himself.

  • Tom H

    February 13th, 2018 at 6:43 PM

    Johnny, you wrote, “And, let’s face it, nobody wants you around if you’re depressed. Being around people who want you to go away only makes you feel worse…” I agree completely. Thanks for pointing this out. Very common advice (even here in this discussion thread) is to “talk with someone who cares.” The assumption is that there’s always someone around who sincerely cares. But the truth is that if your depression lasts more than a short while, people around you–family, colleagues, friends, even professionals–become sick of your persistent “illness.” An old friend of mine who had been a psychiatric nurse researcher for many, many years said to me one day when I was eating in her house of a depressed friend of hers who’d been calling her to get together but whom she’d been ignoring, “You can’t let these people drag you down with them.” I never commented, but I never forgot her claim. Because I’d heard it over and over again throughout my life. People do not really want to be bothered with depressed (and therefore depressing) people.

    Even worse, I’ve heard clinical psychologists, therapists, and doctors (psychiatrists) make fun of and dismiss the feelings and concerns of depressed patients. These are the professionals studying and taking care of the depressed–shouldn’t they know better? I’ve even read online therapists advocating communities and families abandon the chronically depressed to preserve their own mental health, and have read multiple reports of therapists dropping patients who don’t get better to avoid liability issues.

    The truth is, almost no one wants to be around depressed people–not even professionals. There very often is no one to reach out to; therefore, what you’ve claimed happens to many depressed people: “You slowly get lost in your own head, you chase the same thoughts, your mind empties. You become unmoored, nothing matters anymore, you see how pointless it was to ever try in the first place.”

  • Sean

    October 11th, 2018 at 8:57 AM

    I do not disagree with you but I can’t help but feel that your advice, while welcome, does not help people, especially those in search of professional help. You need to be able to trust your doctors. Though these situations may have occurred in your life and I am sorry for that, most of what you said is hearsay and not beneficial for the community searching for answers. Just my opinion.

  • Tom H

    September 2nd, 2019 at 2:23 AM

    @Sean The question for me isn’t what people “need,” it’s what people get. I’m not a therapist. I don’t have an obligation to offer as a curative a therapeutic model that, despite its commonality in the West, at least, has failed to stem the rising tides of depression and suicide. Many scholars have already published on the flaws in the foundations and assumptions of psychiatry and the dominant mental health model in the West. For a significant number of sufferers, therapists and doctors do not provide the relief these disciplines all but promise. I don’t see anything wrong in pointing any of this out.

  • Aretha M.

    March 14th, 2019 at 10:36 PM

    Nice article. Both depression and anxiety disorder have been linked to sleep disruption. CBD oil can alleviate symptoms of these disorders because it activates serotonin receptors in the brain; the release of serotonin has soothing, anti-anxiety
    effects that can help people sleep. They said that medical cannabis is very effective when it comes to insomnia, migraine,
    anxiety and depression. At first I was doubtful so I started doing my own research and read articles about marijuana. I found out that each marijuana strain has different uses for different diseases. Like this strain gyo.green/mosca-seeds-pink-bubble-gum-mos-pbg-r.html. This one is very effective when it comes to stress and mild anxiety.
    Let me hear your two cents with this.thanks

  • James R

    April 23rd, 2019 at 9:30 PM

    I’ve read every post from the very top to the latest; and all beyond word in my world. The knowledge and feeling that is warm is the best therapy I’ve had for PTSD in 20 years. When these doctors give up on us and the meds, don’t work the only a lot of vets have let in this depression: 40mm to mouth.

  • Rick

    July 23rd, 2019 at 3:15 PM

    Well if you happen to be all alone and single like many of us good men are, it can really hurt so very much since there are many of us good single men out there that were really hoping to meet a good woman to settle down with. It does make us miserable most of the time, especially when the holidays come around which we really could care less. And when we see how so very lucky and blessed that other men were to find their loved ones, it makes us feel even worse knowing that we should’ve had that as well. The very sad thing is that there are so many very rotten evil women nowadays unfortunately since Feminism is everywhere now adding to the problem, and years ago which most women were real ladies at one time and very easy to meet as well compared to these women today.

  • John

    August 31st, 2019 at 6:55 PM

    This article nails it down like I’ve never seen before. I’m 60, I have it. It’s really a dark, dreadful agony. It’s hell on earth. Everything is an empty remnant of happier times. The happiness of others which I used to have is a blinding burning light I cannot bear. Its not for me any more. I have lost my right to it some how. My soul has been burned out by this. I worry about myself with this but yet I am appreciative of it for its’ lifespan limiting effect. Nature is efficient and both merciful and brutal. Those who can not obtain nurture or nutrition shall be eliminated so that resources can be there for the healthy. I unwillingly have given up my share with this. I feel I am ready to go.

  • The GoodTherapy.org Team

    September 1st, 2019 at 10:24 AM

    Hi, John. Thank you for sharing your comment. If you would like to consult with a mental health professional, please feel free to return to our homepage, http://www.goodtherapy.org/, and enter your postal/zip code into the search field to find therapists in your area. If you’re looking for a counselor that practices a specific type of therapy, or who deals with specific concerns, you can make an advanced search by clicking here: http://www.goodtherapy.org/advanced-search.html

    Once you enter your information, you’ll be directed to a list of therapists and counselors who meet your criteria. From this list, you can click to view our members’ full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information. Please contact us if you have any questions.

    If you are experiencing a life-threatening emergency, in danger of hurting yourself or others, feeling suicidal, overwhelmed, or in crisis, it’s very important that you get immediate help! Information about what to do in a crisis is available here: http://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html

  • activate

    September 5th, 2019 at 4:30 AM

    Everything is very open with a very clear explanation of the issues.

  • raghad

    September 11th, 2019 at 12:18 PM

    well, im actually depressed and i’ve just found out because of this artical(and the comments in general).

    to tell you my story of being depressed for 4 years now and i just found out how:
    me and my twin went to school and we were in our way to the bathroom then their is another girl from same class but different section told my twin in my face that she looks more beautiful and more thinner than me and your eyes is literally perfect as you . and i was in grade 7 i know about my eyes im ugly im thick(fat) , the fact that its grows even more , she made me really uncomfortable unpleased by everything , and i remember that the same girl in grade 6 told me that i dont like you and she left we were in a bathroom so when she left i intered one of the bathroom room and start crying hard bc it really literally hurts my feeling and my heart itself i felt my heart is crying not myself , then the 3years came and now its the 4th year being depreased now im in grade 10 and another girl told me the same thing but you know the problem is that she is also ugly and only want attention , but thanks god my twin understood me then she wrote in her snapchat story : if you say to me and raghad face (me) i will make you the one who is made fun of not raghad(me) and that literally got me in my feelings bc she doesnt care about me she is COLD in general, and she said ” she have feelings too” thats when i start crying even more .

    im SO SORRY if its too long , please use BTS TO LOVEYOURSELF as im trying to *kisses and hugs* take care.

  • big pond

    December 1st, 2019 at 10:39 PM

    I really like and appreciate your article post. You amazingly come with superb articles and much helpful for any industry as well as for people. Thanks for sharing this info Keep on working, great Work!

  • umair

    December 30th, 2019 at 8:25 AM

    I was surfing the Internet for information and came across your blog. I am impressed by the information you have on this blog. It shows how well you understand this subject.

  • muhammad

    January 2nd, 2020 at 5:05 AM

    Great job for publishing such a beneficial web site. Your web log isn’t only useful but it is additionally really creative too.

  • umair

    January 3rd, 2020 at 9:09 PM

    Nice post. I was checking constantly this blog and I am impressed! Extremely helpful information specially the last part I care for such info a lot. I was seeking this particular information for a very long time. Thank you and good luck.

  • ayan

    January 7th, 2020 at 5:52 AM

    Cool stuff you have got and you keep update all of us.

  • SEO

    January 19th, 2020 at 5:36 AM

    The next time I read a blog, I hope that it doesnt disappoint me as much as this one. I mean, I know it was my choice to read, but I actually thought you have something interesting to say. All I hear is a bunch of whining about something that you could fix if you werent too busy looking for attention.

  • umair

    January 19th, 2020 at 9:37 PM

    It is my first visit to your blog, and I am very impressed with the articles that you serve. Give adequate knowledge for me. Thank you for sharing useful material. I will be back for the more great post.

  • umair

    January 20th, 2020 at 7:22 AM

    I am glad you take pride in what you write. This makes you stand way out from many other writers that push poorly written content.

  • umair

    February 15th, 2020 at 10:15 PM

    This blog is really great. The information here will surely be of some help to me. Thanks!.

  • Aslam

    February 27th, 2020 at 1:40 AM

    Hey, I am so thrilled I found your blog, I am here now and could just like to say thank for a tremendous post and all round interesting website. Please do keep up the great work. I cannot be without visiting your blog again and again.

  • Aslam

    February 27th, 2020 at 5:54 AM

    Positive site, where did u come up with the information on this posting? I’m pleased I discovered it though, ill be checking back soon to find out what additional posts you include.

  • Aslam

    March 29th, 2020 at 8:19 AM

    Hey, I am so thrilled I found your blog, I am here now and could just like to say thank for a tremendous post and all round interesting website. Please do keep up the great work. I cannot be without visiting your blog again and again.

  • erererer

    May 12th, 2020 at 7:58 AM

    is there a way for me to make some one understand how i feel cause i showed them this and they dont give a f* :(

  • cb

    June 4th, 2020 at 3:17 AM

    Positive site, where did u come up with the information on this posting?I have read a few of the articles on your website now, and I really like your style. Thanks a million and please keep up the effective work.

  • fvd

    June 8th, 2020 at 11:14 PM

    very interesting post.this is my first time visit here.i found so mmany interesting stuff in your blog especially its discussion..thanks for the post!

  • Dennis

    June 24th, 2020 at 4:09 AM

    Nice Blog!!! Thank you for sharing the information. Wonderful blog & good post. It’s really helpful for me.
    Happiness the most important for live healthy and long life.

  • dw

    July 20th, 2020 at 8:27 AM

    Thanks for taking the time to discuss this, I feel strongly about it and love learning more on this topic. If possible, as you gain expertise, would you mind updating your blog with extra information? It is extremely helpful for me.

  • เดิมพันบาคาร่าออนไลน์ขั้นต่ำ20

    August 5th, 2020 at 8:26 AM

    I was reading some of your content on this website and I conceive this internet site is really informative ! Keep on putting up.

  • vi

    August 13th, 2020 at 10:56 PM

    Thanks for taking the time to discuss this, I feel strongly about it and love learning more on this topic. If possible, as you gain expertise, would you mind updating your blog with extra information? It is extremely helpful for me.

  • FLS

    September 18th, 2020 at 7:45 AM

    Pretty good post. I just stumbled upon your blog and wanted to say that I have really enjoyed reading your blog posts. Any way I’ll be subscribing to your feed and I hope you post again soon. Big thanks for the useful info.

  • Chloe

    November 6th, 2020 at 3:52 AM

    I have always suffered with depression since I was a little kid it has been hard for me and I have never liked talking to people so how do people expect me to talk how I’m feeling. I have had so many types of help but nothing has worked. But this isn’t the reason why I am leaving a comment I recently found out that my friend tried to kill herself again for the 3th time. I was going to buy some flowers and her favourite chocolate and going to make a card for her but I don’t even know what to write in it. I have started writing but I am having trouble with it. I have also tried looking for advice from the internet but I can’t find anything I could say to her except I’m always here if you need someone to talk to. I have already told her this many times. I need something else to say to her. She has lots of help (she sees someone and has her best friend) but I need help trying to help her and I can’t find anything so I hope you guys can help me out. If so that would be amazing. Thank you so much.

  • JRD

    November 17th, 2020 at 6:40 PM

    u could say dont leave ill be here for u to talk to when your ready if chioe tried to kill her self 3 times i think its Gods way of saying its not your time were all here for a resson and the creator put us here for a perpuse i offten thought of why am i here for what to feel all this sadness feeling lost my whole life im very mad upset pissed off ,,iwas 8 years old when my dad died grew up in a FOG confussed who am i why was i born to live my life this way 3 years ago my oldest Brother Died then a week later my Wife died Valentines night ,came home yelled out to my wifes name no ancer lights out in house i turned on the lights ,,,,,,,i found my beautyfull wife on the bedroom floor i tryed everything she was my world ,, a week later our 3 westies died i had to deal with that i had enough but we cant take our lives because things are so diffacullt i dont know what the ancer is i dont like living alone we were married 33 happy years and know its just me i work come home to an empty dark house every night and it sucks i have no life .i live in yester day thinking of my wife being together and i hope shes not in pain anymore ,with all the feelings from each other and all the love we shared is gone but i still feel it thats what keeps me going i guess i always cry im allways sad and i hurt and thats my new life i live every day till we meet some day

  • Cassandra

    March 15th, 2021 at 5:40 PM

    I’m not diagnosed with depression but my friend who once had and is probably still suffering from depression, welcomed me to the depression world.*awkward smile. She told me i was showing the beginning symptoms of depression and honestly i dont know, it doesn’t feel like depression for me, i just think it’s my hormones acting up (If you understand). So I’ve been researching about depression and i could see that it doesn’t sound like me. So, i knew that i’m not showing depression. I was reading this and i crossed out like all the first paragraphs except the last. The one that explained where all your past achievements mean nothing to you, and it doesnt matter if you disappear, hit me. I honestly believe that i truly don’t need to exist in this world, cause i am just one of the many humans. I feel so small and insignifaicant. I’ve got two halves of me. One tells me to keep going and shows me the brighter future, the other tells me to give up, there’s no need to try hard, and that my future is a world full of nothingness, like an abyss. I’m always happy and smiling and caring and gentle when I’m surrounded by my family and friends and acquaintances, I talk and joke and laugh like any normal person. But when I’m by myself and i don’t need to think, I feel empty, and i ask myself, “why do i have to try so hard?” And then i realise my small insignificant existence. Then i’m back to feeling nothing. I just feel…… nothing.
    Honestly, is this depression?
    If it is, I don’t think this is bad, I dont believe i will be so overwhelmed by these feelings to be diagnosed with depression. Cuase i have everything that everyone wants. A biological complete family and close friends, no enemies, no drama in life. I have everything that i don’t deserve to be depressed.

  • LaurenGT

    March 16th, 2021 at 9:10 AM

    Hi Cassandra,

    We at GoodTherapy aren’t in a position to diagnose you or offer you professional mental health care, but the therapists who list with us can! If you would like to consult with a mental health professional, please feel free to return to our homepage, http://www.goodtherapy.org/ , and enter your postal/zip code into the search field to find therapists in your area. If you’re looking for a counselor that practices a specific type of therapy, or who deals with specific concerns, you can make an advanced search by clicking here:  http://www.goodtherapy.org/advanced-search.html

    Once you enter your information, you’ll be directed to a list of therapists and counselors who meet your criteria. From this list, you can click to view our members’ full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information. 

  • Anonymous

    May 22nd, 2021 at 6:55 AM

    Then again with so many of us good single men that don’t have a good wife and family to share our life with, really doesn’t help our situation either.

  • Rosalyn

    June 20th, 2021 at 8:51 AM

    For me, this feeling is one of being mired in muck. Stuck with no hope. The only way out is to just keep sinking into the muck into nothingness. There is no way out. Nothing ever improves. There is no glorious light at the end of the tunnel. There is no light at all. People feign concern but they don’t care. All they care about is themselves. Truly I just want to be released from it all. From life. It’s all just too much effort and too much pain and it’s overwhelming. I want peace out of the muck.

  • Anonymous

    July 3rd, 2021 at 4:36 AM

    Just look at the very severely mentally ill women we have nowadays, and they’re very extremely dangerous as well.

  • Anne

    July 8th, 2021 at 3:45 PM

    “Just look at the very severely mentally ill women we have nowadays, and they’re very extremely dangerous as well.”
    It’s amusing how men will fight to be the first at everything or the best at everything until it doesn’t look good for them. Then it’s all about projecting and dismissing.

  • Anonymous

    July 26th, 2021 at 2:56 PM

    Ann FYI, Most women are just so very horrible and evil altogether when it comes to many of us single men unfortunately. And many of these women for no reason at all will even Curse at us when we will just try to start a conversation with a woman that we think would be nice to meet for us. What in the world is that all about anyway? And i know other single friends that had the same thing happened to them as well. Yeah, no wonder why many of us men can’t meet a half way decent normal woman anymore today.

  • Gene

    September 10th, 2021 at 9:56 AM

    First of all, I read down to Cheyenne’s comment, and Cheyenne, I hope you’re still with us and maybe found ways to live with the struggle or break out of it, especially for your younger sister’s sake; and that she’s living a fulfilling life.
    This is a great article that describes what I go through in waves, sometimes for hours, sometimes for days, sometimes for weeks, sometimes for months. Right now, it feels like it’s every day, and continues to engulf my daily existence more and more. It took me years before I decided I couldn’t deal with it on my own because it’s wrecking my marriage. It’s also very difficult to live this way with 3 children and wanting to be there to raise/support, and nurture them.

    Someone made a comment about “this life” that we were all told about when we were younger… eat your vegetables, you grow strong; do well in school, get good grades and get rewarded; go to college, get a degree, embark on a great career and make good money; get that career, make that money, find “someone”, get married, have kids, live the “dream”; climb the ladder, get rewarded every level …

    Well, I’ve done all that, and guess what? When I realized just how messed up this world and people in it are, it was like the mirror was shattered, and I am lost. Depression set in with that realization, and it took me years to figure out why I was feeling that way. Depression is always seen as a “negative” thing and has it’s stigma imposed on us from “the rest of them.” Unless someone is living the same reality as us who are affected, they will never know what it truly feels like to wake up and not want to participate in this mad world. To be honest, if I was offered a pill to escape this reality (the one the “normal people” live in) and go somewhere that didn’t operate with the same constructs as this world and society with everyone worshiping money and useless junk, and not caring for anyone else, I’d take it. I’d go there. To be around with others who are in the same reality, might actually change us for the better… that’s my hope. But I know that’s not going to happen, and I know this isn’t going to go away, especially when reading that others in their 50’s at the time this was published were still living in it from early in life (I’m now in my mid-40’s).

  • BR Recovery

    September 22nd, 2021 at 11:40 PM

    Awesome information! Such a wonderful reference! Thanks for all the hard work you have obviously put into this!

  • Anne

    September 23rd, 2021 at 10:42 PM

    “Most women are just so very horrible and evil altogether when it comes to many of us single men unfortunately.”
    This why is all I need to know about you. May you reap what you sow.

  • Michael

    October 8th, 2021 at 11:13 PM

    I’ve never heard of going into a depressive episode described as
    “being sucked into a quicksand” before.
    That is a perfect analogy.

  • Terrance

    November 6th, 2021 at 12:05 PM

    I have no history of mental illness, until about 3 years ago. Traumatic event, job/financial loss, and close family members with problems (e.g. adult kids with mental health issues, mother with dementia). Tried meds, got PSSD and feels like my brain has been damaged – personality, capabilities, mood permanently bad now. Seeing a psych and psychologist, but can’t seem to shake thinking about ‘catching the bus’ every single day. Debilitating anhedonia. Feel like I have lost it. Wish I had never tried meds. Has anyone found a way to manage similar feelings/experience? TIA.

  • Arif

    December 18th, 2021 at 2:19 AM

    Good content you are having on this page loved to be a member of this page keep up the good work guyz, you are doing a great job for awareness.

  • Robert

    February 25th, 2022 at 4:15 PM

    Why didn’t you mention Psilocybin? Look at the research..

  • Em

    May 30th, 2022 at 7:58 PM

    Cynthia – thank you for such an eloquent, accurate and helpful description. I’m wondering, in your experience, when someone is able to come out of the worst of their depressive episode (or hopefully recover completely), do they recognize that the love that they felt for their significant other was, in fact, real? Would also love to hear from those of you who are living (and surviving) with this illness, as your input is invaluable. I realize that everyone’s experience is unique. To those of you who are struggling, please know that although I don’t know you personally, I truly do hope for your healing. Thanks in advance.

  • Cate

    April 7th, 2023 at 11:46 PM

    For those that struggled with anxiety and depression, do you get the loving feelings you felt for the person after the episode? Thank you and praying for peace for everyone.

  • michal

    May 18th, 2023 at 3:33 AM

    So spot on. Thank you.
    I’ve had lifelong seemingly ever deeper bouts of moderate-deep depression lasting months at a time, this stuff is real.
    For me, I love the feeling of coming out of it, which can apparently spontaneously occur for me – its as if the sun suddenly starts to shine, the colour and vibrancy return, and all the black shadow drapes covering absolutely everything fall away, the tension eases, the lightness returns, and movement is free.
    Blessings to all.

  • Amanda T

    May 19th, 2023 at 12:25 AM

    Christian here, and only God and my faith is keeping me alive. Not my husband, family, nothing. Life is like chewing paper. I’ve tried many antidepressants and even therapy, and neither have any effect on me. Depression for me is like being 3 years old in the bedroom with the lights off and believing there is a monster under your bed. You hear growling, claws scratching, and you are kept on the brink of absolute fear for so long that you want to get out of bed and beg for the monster to just eat you. Another allusion is being nearly drowned. You are at the point your lungs are screaming for air and you are kicking, struggling to get fresh oxygen to your lungs. Then you get a tiny breath enough to tide you over for another few seconds until that pressure/pain becomes nigh unbearable again. Life goes on like this for 30+ years. I won’t let go to the rock I am clinging, but I am so freaking tired.

  • Anonymous

    August 23rd, 2023 at 10:10 AM

    Reading this article was like reading my own thoughts during my darkest moments. The never-ending cycle of negative thoughts, the emptiness that seems impossible to escape—it’s all too real. It’s vital for society to realize that depression isn’t just a fleeting sadness; it’s a deeply entrenched battle that requires empathy and understanding. Thank you for sharing this perspective.

  • Anonymous

    August 23rd, 2023 at 10:13 AM

    This article beautifully captures the internal turmoil that depression brings. The constant struggle to find motivation, the distorted self-perception, and the difficulty of explaining these feelings to others—it’s all so relatable. It’s my hope that more people read this and gain insight into what their friends or family members might be experiencing. Let’s break the stigma surrounding mental health.

Leave a Comment

By commenting you acknowledge acceptance of GoodTherapy.org's Terms and Conditions of Use.


* Indicates required field.

GoodTherapy uses cookies to personalize content and ads to provide better services for our users and to analyze our traffic. By continuing to use this site you consent to our cookies.