My Approach to Helping

Psychotherapy invites you to slow down, to feel into moment-to-moment sensations and thoughts, and to examine what is the truth of experience. It is my position that the key to satisfaction and the end of suffering is in acceptance rather than resistance; that it is more a matter of noticing what is right than one of noticing what is wrong. Yet, most of us have an extremely hard time letting go of our critical self or of personalizing our suffering. I've spent my clinical career integrating Eastern Buddhist psychology with Western psychological theory. My interest stems from the fact that insight alone does not produce the change that people are seeking when they enter therapy. What supports the necessary shift is awareness which is cultivated through heartfelt presence and mindfulness--two qualities that are learned through the practice of sitting with yourself and watching your moment-to-moment experiencing. Therefore, this practice of mindfulness is cultivated in our work together; it is used along with a more traditional exploration of the origin of the "symptom" (or our suffering) whether the symptom is anxiety, relationship or intimacy difficulties, depression, a life cycle transition or any other area of your life in which you feel stuck.

In our work together, we will practice a soft, mindful opening (learning to use the breath as an anchor to staying with the present moment); we will observe what you are feeling. Experiencing a feeling means that you disconnect from the thoughts supporting a feeling (again this requires mindfulness--which is learning to be present to whatever arises in the moment without judgment) and enter into an embodied awareness of the moment without attachment. Have you ever tried this? Once you do, you will notice that openness or awareness is much bigger and stronger than anything causing you to be anxious or unable to act. This discovery puts you in touch with your capacity for strength, kindness, stability and understanding. As you allow yourself to acknowledge, allow and open to your embodied experience you learn to have a fresh, warm, friendly encounter with "this" - right here, right now! In Buddhist philosophy and psychology this is called "the great medicine"--this ability to flow with whatever arises. In order to achieve this end to suffering, one must practice training the mind to be less reactive, and that's what we will do together! It's not easy but it is well worth the investment of time and practice to learn to live more fully awake despite difficult circumstances.

More Info About My Practice

Dyad Work
Basically, couples' sessions means that you work on yourself (much as above), but together! Dyad work is not about the other person changing, but about your taking responsibility for your projections, which are the displacing of your historical wounds onto your partner. Each of us wants to be wanted and loved--it is our deepest longing. However, what holds us back from getting this need met is our secret belief that we are actually unworthy of love. We see ourselves as deficient and that deficiency often gets projected onto our partner. The work we do together involves making a commitment to one another to find safety in the resisted, vulnerable places that reflect what you know to be true about yourself--whether you like it or not! As you experience your own pain, and the way you've defended against that pain, a mysterious, expanded sense of softening occurs allowing that fearful, conflicted place within to be less resisted. This unconditional, mindful, heartfelt presence leads to gentle acceptance, forgiveness, spaciousness, patience and love for yourself. It softens the way you relate to your partner because as we increasingly accept ourselves we learn to extend that gentleness to our partner.

On the Fence About Going to Therapy?

If you wonder about whether therapy will help, you are not alone. The first obstacle or resistance to making that call is whether you can trust that another will support you in making sense of your current experience. We learn to trust from being listened to well and for being seen and having that inner and outer experience mirrored back to us in ways that make us feel safe and secure. I've worked for over twenty-seven years engaging clients to bear their suffering skillfully, respecting the value of the learning opportunities that come from difficulties. All it takes is trust that you can engage with another and be curious about your situation and create meaning from these patterns of pain.

My Blog Posts

• Part II: Coping with Depression - Mindfulness of the Mind
• Part I: Mindfulness and Acceptance in Coping with Depression
• The Essence of Just Sitting: Some Meditation Techniques for Beginners
• Mindfulness Meditation: Slowing Down and Touching Truth
• The Heart of Forgiveness
• A Cruel Harmony: Wrinkles and Wisdom
• Living Without a Why: Unconditional Presence
• The Role of Meditation in the Contemplative Approach to Therapy
• Contemplative Psychotherapy: Practicing Neutral Mindfulness