Burdens and Benefits of Arranged Marriages

Close up of groom's arms around brideVery few people in Western cultures enforce or even endorse arranged marriages. The thought of having your spouse picked out by your parents can be repulsive to many young adults. They often view the opportunity to sow their own oats and experience the rush of first love as a fundamental rite of passage into adulthood. It is a process that is born of free will, choice and many believe, should be the sole privilege and right of the individual seeking a partner. But for Eastern societies, arranged marriages are not only encouraged, they are required. It is when Eastern and Western cultures clash that the problems arise.

A recent article describes some of the benefits and pitfalls to arranged unions. First, parents who favor arranged marriages believe that they are more experienced and objective than their children. They will be able to make better, less impulsive choices regarding a compatible, and often financially supportive mate than their child will. In many cultures, disobeying the arrangement can lead to disownment and exile from the family. But for the children, arranged marriages can cause fear and resentment. Many young people long for the chance to find their perfect soul mate, the one who makes their heart flutter and their palms sweat. They want to experience intimacy on many levels with that person before they make the commitment to spend the rest of their lives with them.

But do parents know best? Parents often arrange marriages for their children because doing so will ensure that their child stays vigilant in their religious beliefs. People from different cultures often see freedom of religion as a threat and are afraid of the varying views in Western societies. “The human mind finds security in habit so adjusting is hard and change is frightening,” says psychologist Jade Caton. That is why, according to Caton, many parents insist on arranged marriages. And maybe they are on to something. According to some research conducted in India, couples in arranged marriages have more extended periods of being in love than partners who choose their own mates. And arranged marriages end in divorce about 10 times less often than nonarranged marriages. But for young adults who cannot see past the pursuit and passion that come from falling in love, these statistics are often merely academic.

Han, Mayzin. (2013). First comes marriage, then comes love. Spark Magazine (n.d.): n. pag. Web. http://www.sparksunderland.com/featured/2013/04/first-comes-marriage-then-comes-love/

© Copyright 2013 GoodTherapy.org. All rights reserved.

The preceding article was solely written by the author named above. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. Questions or concerns about the preceding article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment below.

  • Leave a Comment
  • Kaylen


    April 12th, 2013 at 2:21 PM

    I want to really be in love with someone when I get married and not just the ideal of what someone else wants me to have. No wonder those narriages don’t end in divorce because these are generally going to be in homes where the woman has very little say so about anything.

  • Aalliyah K

    Aalliyah K

    September 28th, 2016 at 6:42 AM

    Some of these comments made are very outrageous. You are only seeing arranges marriages from your perspective. You need to open your eyes and really get to understand both sides of the arguments. The individual you cannot do that are little minded. Divorce rates without arranged marriages are 50% and arranges marriages divorce rates are 4%. Which as you can see in this perspective that arranged marriages are more successful. However, arranged marriages can lead to individuals not being happy with their partner. But when I was doing research, arranged marriages can be very successful because when families find someone for their son/daughter they have the same morals and beliefs. So please do your research on both perspective because you stating “the woman will have little say so” is not in every case of an arranges marriage.

  • guk


    July 9th, 2017 at 11:06 PM

    bull shit, lust at first sight,.. and by that I mean really being in lust at first sight (oops love) ends badly most times. its crap ,… marriage can survive and it takes 1 thing that most married couples in the US DO NOT HAVE. commitment, lust/love/fun/romance all wear off,.. commitment endures. and no the 40-50% divorce rate isn’t the best measurement to use as it includes children, elderly, unmarried ect its a fairly inaccurate figure.

  • TG


    April 13th, 2013 at 12:07 AM

    Being in love and with all the hormones runnin through you your judgement could well be a little clouded.Is it not better to consult a neutral person in any situation where your judgement could be clouded?Same is true here.

  • Shushma


    April 13th, 2013 at 4:11 AM

    I realize that this is a very foreign concept to Westerners, but my own parents had an arranged marriage and they are far happier than many of my friends parents who supposedly got married because they loved one another.

    In India, this is still the norm for many families, and so it doesn’t seem that strange to me. It think that in so many ways it can make your family stronger because you not only have one another but you have all this support from extended family that also has a vested interest in whether or not your marriage is successful. I don’t think that the tradition would have endured for so long had there not been some level of success to it.

  • Billy


    April 14th, 2013 at 12:15 PM

    The article does point out that essentially it is a custom based on fear, either fear of change in religion or financial circumstance, both of which appeal to simplistic material outlooks controlled by environment.
    As for being happy, I would say most people in them are simply resigned to their position.
    Much the same happens in any institution, be it prison or sweatshops, but you would hardly call such passive acceptance happiness.
    Oh, and Shusma, if your happiness depends on others with an admitted ‘vested interest’ then how is it your happiness?
    And are they really ‘family’ if you exist to promote their peace of mind?

  • Jessica


    April 17th, 2017 at 12:33 PM

    Well said

  • zara


    April 15th, 2013 at 3:53 AM

    How could you think there is ever any benefit for a woman in an arranged marriage?

    Where are our voices? Where are our rights? In essence an aranged marriage only serves to take these things away from us.

  • Jerrie


    April 15th, 2013 at 8:16 AM

    My friend Dipu in in high school? Well, she was Indian and she had an arranged marriage. We all thought it was so weird. I mean, how could your parents pick out your husband for you? Like, that is so strange. I didn’t think my parents knew me well enough to pick out my husband for me. They’d pick somebody totally different. Like, whatever.

  • carver jr

    carver jr

    April 15th, 2013 at 8:17 AM

    The fam was just invited to go to a wedding of two arranged people in Cambodia. I can’t even imagine. Ain’t it real hot down there? Okay, so I dont’ really eeven know where that’s at. I guess that aint the point of all this so let me just say that i think its a great idea. saves alot of time and money.

  • Joseph


    April 15th, 2013 at 8:20 AM

    Sure seems like the proof is in the pudding-10 times less divorce rate? Sign me up.

  • Sondra Teilman

    Sondra Teilman

    April 15th, 2013 at 8:23 AM

    Brain research shows that a person’s brain isn’t fully developed until he or she is 25 years old. So, there is some truth to a parent being able to see around the corner of a person who may not be a good mate for his or her child. However, I can definitely see that a child might be extremely resentful of losing the opportunity to find that one person in life who really gets and understands you. There really is no feeling like being in love.

  • p lincoln

    p lincoln

    April 15th, 2013 at 8:25 AM

    ” According to some research conducted in India, couples in arranged marriages have more extended periods of being in love than partners who choose their own mates. ”

    Yeah, no bias in that research I’m sure. Snort.

  • mary t

    mary t

    April 15th, 2013 at 12:54 PM

    for me, choosing my man is my right, no questions about it. but if my parents think he is the best for me just like I do, well that will be the icing on the cake. at least that is what I’m hoping for! :)

  • Saif


    April 15th, 2013 at 1:01 PM

    I can see where everyone is coming from. I honestly would rather have an arranged marriage. Not that I don’t have my own personality, it’s because I trust my parents would want what is best for me, and would be better at choosing it since they are that much wiser and knowledgeable. I’m not sure about Indian culture, but in mine (Egyptian) an arranged marriage doesn’t mean that the two involved don’t have a say, but more like, your parents also have a say.

  • Lauren


    April 25th, 2013 at 10:30 PM

    “disobeying the arrangement can lead to disownment and exile from the family”

    This must be why the divorce rate is 10 times less with arranged marriages. The children stay in the marriage for fear of being disowned or exiled.

  • Mike


    April 26th, 2013 at 6:31 AM

    Arranged marriages is a very sad part of life. How can you get into a thing called marriage without understanding who you want to spend the rest of your life with? I don’t understand. The statistic about arranged marriages having less percentage of divorce rate compared to marriage by choice is true. However, my parent were arranged and they lived an awful life together. I mean, they sort of hated each others guts but hey, they had to stick with it cause their families and the world is breathing down their neck. Screw that! I wish to be happy. You are not guaranteed life tomorrow! Marriage is not just about reproduction u know.

  • Mazay


    August 21st, 2016 at 1:17 PM

    I’ve been in an arranged marriage for 20 yrs but have cryed everyday and wished I was dead before I got hooked by my parents. I have to stick to my husband because it’s family prestige. Never mind how I feel but they should not loose their honour . I be had 4 kids and they are grown up in teens. I’m just living the days til I die. Can’t do anything . Feel like a prisoner. I’ve tried to speak to people but no one can help. There’s no way out til death. Sorry many people I know with arranged marriages wish they die early.

  • Aisha


    September 8th, 2016 at 1:16 AM

    I feel the same way aswell , I just want to die or dissaper forever. I am in arranged marriage. I don’t love my husband.

  • carolyn


    April 27th, 2013 at 6:48 AM

    I think they work becayse to be honest parents have more more experience and can find a partner who is really suited

  • Fahad


    May 14th, 2013 at 3:41 AM

    I totally agree with that because recently guys from 20-30 they dont know what they are doing , and parents know more about that. Marriage is not a game that you will win or lose its important thing in our life , so we have to be more care about it.

  • Fahad


    May 14th, 2013 at 3:44 AM

    The true love only come after marriage because before marriage everyone will show that he or she the best man or woman in the world. However, after marriage many things will change. So the love before marriage its only a play .

  • amarjit


    May 19th, 2013 at 6:35 AM

    my parents had a arranged marriage they r 2gether 50yrs this year and they love each other and my dad takes care of her and her needs he listens and follows her demands unless it is ridiculous. he made millions $ and is leaving it 2 us which we will add 2 and leave for our kids. most marriages result in those asset being divided in many divorces. i also had a arranged marriage, 17yrs so far and i must admit 2day i love my wife more than ever she does almost anything i ask her and i humbly lay my love @ her feet and owe her everything i am 2day. btw i am born in canada

  • LR


    June 1st, 2013 at 9:38 AM

    It’s usually parents that set up girls more because they don’t know what they are doing, especially from 20-39, since they raise them to be less assertive and less sociable. So therefore, they will pick the perfect guy for them even if the girl doesn’t like him and force her to be dependent on him so that way she doesn’t man-eat nor sow her wild oats. It’s a matter of controlling female sexual behavior.

  • Wilson


    June 22nd, 2013 at 10:28 AM

    Hi Everyone,
    Fortunately or unfortunately I never fell in love.
    So eagerly looking forward for an arranged marriage.

    Considering today’s scenario, I think ARRANGED MARRIAGE still has the following advantages:

    * You know nothing of each other but that is the whole fun. Discovering each other and taking a common road in the journey of love.
    * As many of you told, you get a thumbs up from both families which is really important on a personal note
    * The siblings of either of the spouse can become your best friends
    * Tomorrow even if there are any problems between the husband and the wife, the family members will do their best to get this relationship going.
    * You get into a bigger social network with the opposite members family and relatives
    * The opposite family members may support your dream which you could not accomplish individually
    * Your children will experience more love from their grand parents and their gang :)


    * All the above mentioned benefits are subject to the level of expectations of each spouse and their counterparts. So please fine tune your adjustment and compassion meter before consenting to tie the knot.

  • LR


    July 3rd, 2013 at 9:16 AM

    But with arranged marriages, chances are the person is perfect and fault-free because the family and relatives know what they are like and they are revealed right away and that is completely required.

  • Hina


    September 1st, 2013 at 11:43 AM

    I am in an arranged marriage. And the reason why I won’t divorce my husband is NOT because I am happy or love him, but because I am too weak and dont want to shame my parents in the face of what the society will label them and me with. So it’s resignation guys, not a great life. And you have to be fairly passive to be a victim to the tradition in the first place, 10 times less divorce, but Ofcourse. Also, if you know you have no choice in the matter, you are ‘forced’ to love/like/make do with whoever you get.

    I guess my case WAS a bit different though cz my parents didnt quite choose for me. I just married a friend i felt no spark for because he was in their good books and I was going past 28 which was freaking them out. Maybe if I found a person I felt for enough for at the right time i would have had no issues either. Maybe I should have waited. But maybe even that wouldn’t have ended in me finding a person I liked. So I guess arranged marriage it is when you want/like no one. But definitely don’t go for it if you find or have the potential to like someone and choose for yourself.

  • milee


    September 5th, 2013 at 4:03 PM

    I am also in a similar boat to you Hina. In an arranged marriage. No spark whatsoever. I wasnt forced by my parents, but I was going past a certain age and hadnt found someone myself. With the pressure to marry and parents bad health, I consented. I wish there was a support group for people like us. There is so much stigma in the indian society even if we display signs of unhappiness in the marriage.

  • sam


    November 29th, 2013 at 7:35 AM

    My parents were in an arranged marriage. My whole life my mother has been putting my father down and treated him very poorly. My parents have been married over 30 years and they do not get along, but they would not leave each other because it is not socially acceptable in the Indian community….I do not want to get married

  • the D

    the D

    December 13th, 2013 at 8:01 PM

    I’m in situation:
    I’m too like many Indians getting pressure to marry a girl whom I just met twice n I didn’t like her as we have very different views.
    from girl’s side everyone is putting pressure, even the girl who believes she’s got sign of yes out of some ritual.
    As I’m already 32, all my relatives are saying, now you don’t have more options, so you have to say yes.
    I’m worried n scared. if I let it go, our lives may get ruined as commented by many others here.
    if I say no, I may not have other options and also that girl will be sad for some time.
    I’m lost. I’m even loosing hope to live.

  • the D

    the D

    December 15th, 2013 at 9:17 AM

    finally, today they’ve decided that I’ve to marry. they say …I don’t have option of no, as it’ll be shameful for my parents in The society n anyways no other parent will be ready to let their girl marry me in future…
    and I’ve decided to complete my journey called life in next month. no regrets no complaints. I’ve enjoyed my life. I’m content.

  • Hi


    January 26th, 2014 at 7:29 PM

    There’s a difference between arranged marriage and forced marriage.

    Forced it just that – forced. Arranged means the parents arranged it, solely or partly, but the kids can say no.

  • keerti


    March 1st, 2014 at 6:15 AM

    I think people need to stop judging marriages by divorce rates. Specially arranged marriages. In a culture where choosing your own mate is frowned upon do you think divorce would be ok??

    Everyone talks about low divorce rates in arranged marriage. I live in a country where it’s common. And this is what I see and hear–

    1. People complaining about their spouses to the degree and about things that make you wonder why they are together.

    2. Friends talking about their parents who live together and are still very much married but do not talk to each other at all.

    3. People talking about feeling trapped and not wanting to be with their partner for very valid reasons including social abuse and more but when you suggest divorce they refuse.

    4. A friend whose parents are very much open to her telling them I don’t like the guy and don’t want to marry him, explicitly telling me I won’t refuse to marry him even though I don’t like this guy.

    5. People, married or single clearly saying that they will never divorce their spouse even though they are very clearly unhappy and might not even be on talking terms.

    I am not saying that arranged marriages are worse than love marriages but they are actually in my opinion no different than love marriages in terms of success rates.

    STOP JUDGING ARRANGED MARRIAGES BY DIVORCE RATES. They are just as prone to being unhappy marriages as love marriages. The difference is instead of the spouse being chosen by you it was your parents who did it for you and neither you or they knew the match is not good.

    And for the record most people have to give their decision to the parents after one or two meetings which is hardly enough to know anything about someone. And once you take the decision most people do not have the courage to say they are not happy with it before or after the marriage. And in a lot of cases you are lucky if you get more than 4-5 months to get to know your future spouse.

    So yes, you are asked about your opinion but the environment does not encourage you to openly talk about your doubts.

  • Dev


    July 1st, 2014 at 5:15 AM

    Indian are shy, mostly. that’s why parents come into the picture and also they are worried about their family linage. there is no pressure by parents now days. no marriage happens without consent of the bride and groom. the Indian society is adaptive.

  • Tammi


    September 18th, 2014 at 4:09 AM

    I would like to thank you for the efforts you have put in writing this blog.
    I’m hoping to see the same high-grade blog posts by you in the future as well.
    In truth, your creative writing abilities has motivated me to get my
    own, personal site now ;)

  • Swarup


    October 2nd, 2014 at 1:53 PM

    Being an indian i agree with many westerners that it is very hard to digest to marry a person whom you don’t love .And arranged marriages are said to be happy because these are compromised marriage.And i don’t think anybody wants to live a compromised life .

  • Frank


    October 24th, 2014 at 6:42 PM

    But think how much time it would save Westerners it they did arranged marriages? Dating/courtship all that stuff takes a lot of wasted time and energy, all for 15 months or so of chemical rush (that’s about how long being in love lasts). We could’ve cured cancer, created world peace, etc. if we weren’t all spending so much time finding a person (and that’s all the are, just a person, you are responsible for your happiness, not them)

  • somesh


    December 12th, 2014 at 1:46 AM

    the situation is totally different in india….girls of even age 28+ stay with their parents unlike in the west, where youngsters leave home at 21 or 22. The indian women know very well that in the end, it is better to marry a groom brought by their parents…while in the meantime (when she is in her twenties, 26 around ), she can always find a boyfriend to satisfy her physical needs…..I pity for that poor husband…The problem is that in Indian society, young men and women interact with different mindsets, unlike in the west, where interaction is encouraged among teenagers so that they can choose their partner or so.

  • Maddy


    March 9th, 2015 at 3:03 PM

    I think that we all need to remember that there is a difference between forced and arranged marriage. Anyone can agree that forced marriage is wrong; it clearly violates many human rights and degrades and dehumanizes those being forced into marriage. However, we have to remember that not all arranged marriage is forced. It is a common misconception that arranged and forced marriages are similar; however, this is really not the case.

    In many situations arranged marriages are actually the choice of the children of the parents or guardians. There are people choose to have arranged marriages because they want to carry on a tradition, not because they are forced. Many people do have the option to have a “love match”, yet they would still rather have an arranged marriage, which was so wonderfully pointed out at this beginning of this article. We cannot make generalizations and stipulations about arranged marriage when there are clearly reasons why they are a good idea; carrying on traditions, parents wanting to help their children etc. etc.

    We can all agree that any person who is forced to do something against there will is extremely unlucky and that being forced into something is not acceptable. If an arranged marriage becomes forced that is where the issue begins; however, not in all arranged marriages themselves.

  • Ria


    March 24th, 2015 at 1:15 AM

    I am an indian girl, in Australia for long time, I still feel arrange marriages are great, definitely its no pressure from parents these days. It is same as dating, but with just parents ‘yes’ involved, which i think is great. Sometimes it can be hard to find the compatible person, so arranged marriages and parents involvement helps.

  • vivaah


    April 11th, 2015 at 3:09 AM

    Thank you for your information. If we leave the west for a few days and transplant ourselves into any culture that promotes arranged marriages, we will, in time, realize the logic after this practice and value the reasons why they work.

  • showty


    May 13th, 2015 at 6:53 AM

    my own understanding on this is that arranged marriages are kinda forced in a way….y? simply because of the respect children have for their parents. One finds it hard for him or her to refuse for if he or she gets married to someone of her or his own choice and falls into trouble then the person is not open and welcome to go back to the parents to ask for advice. Unlike an arranged marriage one can always go back to the parents and ask for the way forward if the marriage fails. So it is a two way thing….My opinion on this one is that children should be free to get married to the ones they love not the ones the family, relatives or parents love

  • farasha


    June 2nd, 2015 at 10:41 PM

    i am from india.Though my parents are not completely against love marriage they expect me to fall in love with someone from my own religion.I fell in love with a guy from another religion but after 2 years he left me saying his parents would never approve of our marriage.We were really young and my mother did support me through those days of depression.Even after three years i have not fallen in love with anyone else again but i just cannot see myself marrying some random guy whom i hardly know.It just confuses me how can i share the rest of my life with this guy who might not even have the same interests.What if he turns to be some one very cruel and does not understand us.I believe love marriage itself is the best option.Perhaps we end up being hurt , they might leave us, but still we need not have to cling on to an unhappy marriage with someone whom we hardly know for the rest of our lives just to satisfy the society.I do not really want to take the chance of marrying someone who is unknown and waiting for him to turn out to be good.

  • Usi


    June 2nd, 2015 at 11:00 PM

    I need an opinion from an experienced person who’ve had loved someone from a different culture/religion & shared years starts from late teenage through mid 20’s and then being pressured by family for arranged marriage with someone else! Telling his family about his partner is almost difficult as imagining Jew standing in front of Hitler, no offence – friend words.
    what would be the consequences of going against parents?

    I am just helping out a friend – Afghanistan born raised in Western society).

  • lana


    July 22nd, 2015 at 12:45 AM

    My family would be totally against it. Atleast in the begginin . But I would hope to soften them down in a few years . yes, years :p
    But hey, if its someone I am willing to go against my family’s wished for, whats a few years?

    If they did not agree Even after I tried everything I would marry him and work on a reconciliation for the rest of my life . I am not giving up my love , but neither am I giving up my parents

  • lana


    July 22nd, 2015 at 12:40 AM

    My parents had an arranged marriage which was completely consesual. My aunt had a love marriage which is still going strong . while I do agree that my aunt gets to do more of what she likes than my mom, who has had to give up a few of her desires, I would still say that my parents have a relatively happy marriage. They love each other and feel secure in their relationship . I would say my aunt definitely gets mode respect and freedom, but my mom is still satisfied and happy .

    Until recently, I was completely anti-arranged. I wanted true love – the passionate, earth shattering, life changing kind which lasts lifetimes and as we all know, that’s not guaranteed in an arranged marriage . I still do want that kind of love but now I realised that its possible to find that kind of love even in an arranged marriage . it’s not about whether the marriage is arranged by your parents or not . its about the person you tie the knot with. And while I do find awesome guys outside my community, I realised that the qualities I am looking for in a man are the same qualities many guys from my community show. I’m a bit of weirdo when it comes to my beliefs and ideas ( completely different from the norm) but I have found more people receptive to my ideologies among the prospectives in my community.
    Also I have realised that when you have decided on an arranged marriage as your future, there is so much less of a pressure on you . now you get to focus on your life and goals and friends and dreams without giving a shit about finding the one.
    Sure , its cooler to have a love marriage, but honesty, if you find your Mr. Right with 0 effort and complications, why say no?

    Re: many arranged marriages are completely consensual. Its not like your parents show you some guy n the next minute you are asked to make his babies. You are shown a whole truck load of profiles and you are given a lot of time to decide on who you want to be with . I have known engagements to last more than a year. In my community, they start “looking” when the girl is around 22 and the guy around 26, in most cases the guy is 28-29 and the girl 24-25 by the time they get married

    Re2: I have seen equal amounts of arranged and love marriages fail. Often it’s more about who you marry rather than how you get introduced .

    Re3: I know I probably speak for my community rather than everyone, but then, this is my opinion.

    Re4: last point promise :p yes I have High expectations of my man and I believe I can find him through an arranged marriage . remember, many people “settle” in love too. Can’t repeat this enough but its more about the people involved rather than the type of marriage

  • Brosef


    August 23rd, 2015 at 9:31 PM

    People in arranged marriages are more likely to be together because females are sometimes oppressed or not as educated in certain instances. There are plenty of women in arranged marriages that are abused and can’t leave their husbands bec of society would say, its even worse if they have kids and the woman has no job. That’s not to say every marriage is like this but you never really know a person until you start living with them.

  • David


    August 31st, 2015 at 12:43 AM

    In Australia we believe in having our own brain. If you need someone to sought out who you need to marry, good luck to you. Just don’t bring those pathetic ideologies to us

  • Abhin


    September 3rd, 2015 at 4:38 AM

    Everything works out okay with the right person

  • nichole


    September 9th, 2015 at 5:59 AM

    I am from Philippines and I fall I love with an Indian guy and live with him for 2 years until both of us left each other because of job and different country,he promises me lot but not marriage now he got married and honestly I can’t move on and everyday I am crying and dying of pain,he got married because of his mother choice even he don’t want still he needs to follow as his mum is old enough now.but honestly it makes me hurt seems like I am dying now day by day

  • goodtherapy


    November 12th, 2015 at 3:08 AM

    thank you this information has helped me so much and now i can finally make my decision to get married

  • Mary


    February 4th, 2016 at 8:58 AM

    Good job Semons! Your articles are always informative.

  • Kate W

    Kate W

    July 31st, 2016 at 5:00 PM

    I’m an Indian-American married to a White-American. My parents were of course, against love marriages so I just cut off my ties with them. They can’t accept me for who I am? No problem! My marriage is easier because me and my husband is of the same religion, Catholicism. I used to go to the Syro-Malabar Catholic church when I still kept in touch with my parents but not anymore. My husband and I married each other in the Roman Catholic Church. We currently have two kids, one boy and one girl. Their names are George and Elizabeth. Me and my husband both are civil lawyers.

    George has his father’s blue eyes and my raven black hair. Even though my skin color is a bit dark, George has his father’s pure white skin color. Though George has my nose.

    Elizabeth meanwhile has her father’s blonde hair and my dark brown eyes. She has her father’s skin color and my nose.

    I love my Bess and my Geo equally. I would trade the world for them. I’m happy with my marriage to Richard (my husband). I urge you to marry someone that you love and not have your parents dictate you and your future spouse. Have some backbone, people! If I can find happiness with Rick and stay married to him for 20 years, then so can you.

  • Iryna


    October 19th, 2016 at 12:22 AM

    My friend is married to a foreigner. They are happy together

  • franz c

    franz c

    October 25th, 2016 at 2:57 AM

    we were just discussing such a thing at work today.It was the pairing of a fellow male coworker of someone I did my recent internship with and a women who works in the hospitality department.without mentioning names I was very much shocked and thought to myself in WESTERN CULTURE they don’t do such things.it brought back some shocks of what my late grandma did for her other sons when she went out to look for wives for them(my deceased father and his other brother were exempt)and were allowed to find their own spouse.what cultures still do this remain unknown to me

  • srinivas k

    srinivas k

    November 14th, 2016 at 5:07 AM

    We are OK with planning our careers, finances, and vacations among other things. However, we just want to plunge into a life long relationship because we feel it’s right. Strange indeed.

  • Awua


    March 9th, 2017 at 10:09 PM

    The divorce rate is a really stupid way to look at whether or not arranged marriages work. I guarantee that in all of the countries where arranged marriages are common, divorce is highly frowned upon socially, that families exert enormous pressure against it on the couple, and that there are huge legal barriers to obtaining one–long drawn out process, huge legal fees and fines, and so on.

    Also, I wouldn’t trust my parents to choose a spouse for me if I were on fire. In all of my 50+ years, my mother has not had the faintest clue about what I actually like or dislike. She still tries to give me clothes that I would never, ever wear–or ever would have. She hasn’t the faintest clue even about the colors that I like. If she asks me what I want for a present for my birthday or a holiday, I tell her. Then she promptly tells me that I really don’t want that, I want what she wants to give me–and it’s almost always something that I most certainly do not want.

    So if she doesn’t respect my wishes about trivial things like that, how in the world could I ever have trusted her to choose something as important as a marriage partner for me? It would have been a complete disaster, because she doesn’t know anything about me, only what she thinks I should have, and that’s not necessarily what I want. She would have chosen some idiot that I hated, and I would have been miserable.

    I don’t think my parents were the only ones who were this clueless. I’d wager a guess that 99% of them are the same way. Why trust them to pick partners for us, when they themselves make such horrible choices that we witness, all the time?

Leave a Comment

By commenting you acknowledge acceptance of GoodTherapy.org's Terms and Conditions of Use.



* Indicates required field.

Therapist   Treatment Center

Advanced Search

Search Our Blog

Title   Content   Author
GoodTherapy.org is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, medical treatment, or therapy. Always seek the advice of your physician or qualified mental health provider with any questions you may have regarding any mental health symptom or medical condition. Never disregard professional psychological or medical advice nor delay in seeking professional advice or treatment because of something you have read on GoodTherapy.org.