That sounds very frustrating. It also sounds like it might be causing you some anxiety, which might be perpetuating the attentional issues you are experiencing. Does this ring true? If so, next time you feel this happening you might want to try taking a few deep breaths, direct your focus to your breathing and then gently remind yourself to focus on the task at hand.

I find myself wondering if your mind is often going to the same thing when it wanders. We all go through challenging times in life that can make it difficult to focus on what we are trying to do in the present moment. For example, if you’ve recently experienced the loss of a relationship, you may find your mind wandering to that person, to memories of time spent together, to sadness about an unknown future, to the fear of loneliness.

[fat_widget_left]

If, however, this issue seems to have no connection to a recent loss or transition in your life, I might wonder if you are feeling bored or restless with where you are in your life right now. Sometimes a difficulty focusing can be an indicator that it is time to shake things up a bit.

It might be helpful to you to partner with a therapist to try to sort through some of these things and see if you can develop an understanding of how this came to be a part of your life. If you do choose to meet with a therapist, it might be a good idea to try to find someone who has some expertise in attentional issues. While it is possible that the issues you are describing are a natural part of some sort of a transition in your life or an indicator that a change is needed, it is also possible that something else is going on. Perhaps there is an undiagnosed attentional issue that could be identified and worked on or treated. A therapist with expertise in attentional issues will be able to help you distinguish between these possibilities and help you move to a place of greater peace and focus.

If you haven’t done so already, I also recommend seeing a doctor to rule out any possible medical causes.

Best wishes,
Sarah

Fashion magazines may seem like little more than a diversion from the stress of everyday life, but research has repeatedly demonstrated that reading these periodicals makes women feel terrible. One study found that just three minutes spent paging through a fashion magazine left 70% of women feeling guilty, ashamed, and depressed. Another found that, regardless of the women’s size or physical appearance, women were equally negatively affected by viewing images of very thin models in fashion magazines. Yet women continue to buy millions of fashion magazines every year. A new study suggests that some women might be seeking inspiration to look like the models.

Fashion Magazines and “Thinspiration”

To understand why women buy magazines that harm them, researchers recruited 51 female college students to look at fashion magazines. Unlike previous studies that evaluated the effects of reviewing fashion magazines, participants in this study viewed a variety of ads and articles over the course of five days, rather than in a brief burst. Prior to the students’ participation, researchers compiled data on the young women’s magazine reading habits, their body image, body mass index, and how frequently the women compared their bodies with the bodies of others.

After the women viewed 16 pages of fashion magazines, researchers asked them a host of questions about how they felt about the magazines and their bodies. Unsurprisingly, women who compared themselves to the models felt worse about themselves, and were more likely to have dieted during the five days of the study. But some women saw the models as a source of what researchers termed “thinspiration.” They wanted to look more like the models, and viewed this as possible.  [fat_widget_left]

Silvia Knobloch-Westerwick, professor of communication at The Ohio State University and the study’s author, notes that previous studies have only looked at women’s reactions when the women viewed advertisements only, not text. Women may develop an affinity for models in such a context, viewing the models as relatable and a source of thinspiration. Of course, looking like a model is unrealistic for the overwhelming majority of women, and with the rampant use of photo editing tools, even the models themselves don’t always look like the finished images we see in magazines.

Knobloch-Westerwick argues that when women understand the effects fashion magazines have, rather than just seeing these periodicals as entertainment, they may be better equipped to combat the magazines’ negative effects.

References:

1. The Body Project: Facilitator fact sheet [PDF]. (n.d.). Retrieved from http://www.bodyprojectsupport.org/assets/pdf/materials/facilitator_fact_sheet.pdf
2. Why women buy magazines that promote impossible body images. (2014, November 9). Retrieved from http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/releases/285020.php
3. Women of all sizes feel badly about their bodies after seeing models. (2007, March 27). Retrieved from http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/03/070326152704.htm

Feeling empty from time to time may be a normal part of the human condition. But if you experience persistent feelings of emptiness, there may be something you can do about it.

What does emptiness feel like?

• You don’t have a sense of purpose.
• You perceive a lack of meaning in your life.
• You’re not happy, but you’re not particularly sad, either.
• If someone were to ask you how you feel, you might say, “I don’t know.”

What causes feelings of emptiness? No one knows for sure, and there may be more than one cause. A common reason you might feel empty is self-alienation—feeling like a stranger to yourself. This sensation develops over time, usually as a result of pushing away unwanted emotions.

Our emotions are an important aspect of our experience of ourselves and our quality of life, yet most of us have some degree of trouble allowing ourselves to have certain feelings. Anger is one emotion that many people try not to experience, for example.

What happens to our feelings when we refuse to acknowledge them? They stick around in the shadows of our minds, gumming up the emotional works and, eventually, cutting us off from ourselves altogether.

[fat_widget_right]

The result? We feel empty. We have a pulse, but we’re not really alive.

Life is an emotional experience.

If you come from a family that didn’t “do” certain (or any) emotions, you’re at increased risk of feeling empty.

Here are some ideas for getting out from under this uncomfortable state:

• Stop looking “out there” for a sense of purpose. Your purpose springs forth from your uniqueness. It’s not something that floats around the earth independently like a cloud, waiting for you to find it. If you don’t have a strong sense of who you are, it’s can be hard to feel in touch with your purpose. You are someone in particular. You have a story, of which you’re the star.
• Think about this question: “Who is the person experiencing this feeling of emptiness?” Your authentic self is the person who cries when you’re sad, and laughs when you’re tickled. It’s your authentic self who wants to inhabit the void, filling you with meaning, purpose, and connection. Start where you are: Someone is feeling empty. Who is it?
• Ask yourself how you might feel if you weren’t feeling empty. Look at your life—past, present, and/or future. What comes up as you think about it? Any so-called negative emotions such as anger, disappointment, or despair are showing you what might be hiding under a numbing blanket of emptiness. Are you protecting yourself from something you’d rather not know? Be curious, not judgmental. Compassionate, not accusing.
• Embrace your emotions, whatever they are. This is the same as embracing yourself. Although emotions aren’t literally a part of you, they’re a reliable reflection of you in this moment. How you feel in any given moment is the road that connects you with your authentic self. Try a little constructive wallowing in any emotions you have, and remember: curiosity and compassion, not judgment, is the goal.
• Be a joiner. There’s meaning in connection with other people. Consider sharing your sense of emptiness with another person. If there’s no one in your life you trust with that information, a support group could be valuable. A grief support group might be a good choice. Many of us have endured enough loss in our lives to fit right in. You can’t be closer to another than you are to yourself. Be honest and kind to yourself, rather than looking to other people to fill you up.
• Root out shame. There is nothing inherently wrong with you. It’s hard to be close to someone you despise, and shame encourages you to reject yourself.
• Try therapy. A good therapist holds up a metaphorical mirror, helping you see and appreciate who you are. If you need a little help, find a therapist in your area.

You don’t have to live your life feeling empty if you don’t want to. You deserve a good relationship with yourself and a meaningful, purposeful life. Let this article reach that part of you that’s there under the surface, waiting to reconnect and dispel those feelings of emptiness.

Ask any parent which sex is more verbal, and you’ll likely get a confident assertion that girls are just better with language. Pop psychology tells us that this is a fundamental difference between men and women, but new research sheds light on how this phenomenon could actually be a product of parenting and environment. According to a study just published in Pediatrics, mothers may spend more time talking to girls than they do talking to boys.

Sex-Based Differences in Communication

The frequency with which a parent talks to his or her child is a major predictor of language development, with children of frequent talkers talking earlier and developing larger vocabularies more quickly. To study the effects of parent-child communications, researchers evaluated 33 late pre-term babies and their parents, ultimately amassing 3,000 hours of recordings.

Researchers found that, regardless of a baby’s sex, mothers talked to their infants more frequently than fathers. While dads only respond to an infant’s cooing and babbling 27% to 30% of the time, moms respond 88% to 94% of the time. Unsurprisingly, then, babies showed signs of preferring their mothers’ voices over their dads’ voices. [fat_widget_left]

While dads responded slightly more frequently to boy babies than girl babies, the difference was not statistically significant. Mothers, however, were more likely to respond to and initiate communications with daughters than with sons. Researchers speculate that this may be because baby girls tend to engage in joint attention and make eye contact more frequently.

Previous research has suggested that a father’s degree of communicativeness has a strong effect on a child’s eventual language development. Thus the discrepancy in communication between moms and dads is a problem for boosting communication skills. Likewise, the tendency of mothers to communicate more frequently with daughters might help explain differences in vocabulary between male and female children.

References:

1. Moms talk more to infants, especially girls, study finds. (2014, November 4). Retrieved from http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/health-and-fitness/health/moms-talk-more-to-infants-especially-girls-study-finds/article21438411/
2. Raymond, J. (2014, November 3). The ‘baby talk’ gap? Moms may favor girls when talking to infants. Retrieved from http://www.today.com/parents/baby-talk-gap-moms-may-favor-girls-when-talking-infants-1D80257873

The matter of trust is always a burning issue, especially nowadays when technology has taken over the bigger part of our lives. With the development of social media, we forgot how to talk to each other, and replaced our real life communication with calls, chats, and videos. We think we have the company of friends and lovers, but when the Internet goes dark, we face the terrifying reality—our virtual worlds are just an excuse to avoid complete solitude.

One of the biggest problems we face while using the Internet is jealousy. It starts with simple comments, “likes,” and then progresses to messages and even calls. If there were a way to check your better half, would you do it? Does online chatting constitute cheating?

Many stories start with flowers and chocolate, mine was no different. I met my husband in college, where both of us were studying programming. It is not news that there are few girls in that field, and I was lucky to catch the best boy in our group.

Soon after graduation, we got married and moved to New York. Things were going pretty well except that we hardly saw each other. He joined an international company and was constantly away. Quite a common story, you might say, but it wasn’t just distance that set us apart—there was technology.

I could not stop thinking of what he was doing and with whom he was talking when he was not with me. One time I caught him chatting with another woman, and I was foolish enough to start spying on him. In reality, though, I had neither time nor money to hire a private detective to follow him to Japan, so I bought a spying pen, which indicated his GPS location and recorded his surroundings, but in practical terms, it was nothing but a waste of money.  I didn’t know how to make my husband carry it with him all the time; moreover, I couldn’t hear anything because of the wind. Eventually, the battery charge got so low that I had to ditch that idea. [fat_widget_left]

Next, I took my friend’s advice to use a mobile spying app. It was quite a simple thing to use: I downloaded the file and installed it on his iPhone, then I could track his messages, calls, his GPS location. I became obsessed, lost sleep, could hardly work, and was even admitted to a hospital.

You probably want to know if he was actually cheating. There was a girl—his coworker—I saw them taking pictures together, which he deleted before coming home. I could see those pics through my spying app; I tracked his messages, and I knew how many times he called her, but I could not prove that they were involved in an affair.

Spending all my money on shrinks, I got lost completely. I couldn’t sleep and one of the shrinks I went to told me I had neurosis—symptoms of anxiety, depression, and obsessive behavior. He told me to visit another doctor who gave me antidepressants. It’s easy to become addicted to those pills, though, and they don’t really cure the real problem. I felt better, but I knew that I felt so only because of the drugs, so I stopped using them, and then it all changed into a nightmare.

There was a time when I couldn’t even work, and my mom had to take me to my parents’ house where I stayed for a whole week while my husband was in Indonesia. I knew one thing: I needed help, real help that surprisingly came from no one else but my husband. He got back and called my mother. He pestered me for information, as he couldn’t understand the reason for my behavior. When suddenly I cracked and told him everything, he just started crying. He confessed that there was a crush and that on one occasion he had almost taken it too far. Nevertheless, I was the reason he was interested in her. My depression led me to neglect self-care, and I had no interest in making love or spending romantic time together. He thought there was no more love left from me, and he was also stressed because he was under risk of getting fired. I pushed him off and abandoned him when he needed me most. I was so wrapped up with thoughts of jealousy, I thought only about myself, when the person I loved the most was devastated.

I relied on technology to reveal the truth, when all I had to do was to talk with him upfront.  Eventually, we figured out a way to stay together—he quit his job and found a new one in the city. Surprisingly, we needed no recovery therapy, our main medicine was honesty and love.

Although my story has a happy ending, I really think that love and technology do not match. Because it is true, as the author Frank Crane wrote, “You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don’t trust anyone.”

Paula Green is an IT professional who currently works as a writer for a college writing service.

I hear your struggle and pain, and you are not alone. It is so hard to know just what the right thing to do for your kids may be when you see them potentially heading down a road that could make their lives more difficult and quite possibly more dangerous.

The best thing you can do for your son is offer him unconditional love and support by letting him know that you love him as he is, for who he is, and that nothing can change that. Whether he eventually realizes himself to be a member of the LGBTQIA community or is simply just drawn to more traditionally feminine toys and activities, he is likely to hear about these things from his peers. By trying to protect him from the hate and mockery of others, you may unintentionally give him the message that you don’t think his choices are OK and that he needs to hide who he is. He needs to have a safe place to be himself, and that should be with you. (It should be everywhere, really, but with you is a must.)

[fat_widget_left]

That said, you can also equip him for living in your community. You can give him the tools he needs to combat bullying and hate. At 7, he is probably at least somewhat aware of how others may respond to him. You can talk with him about possible reactions to him choosing an Elsa costume over a Spider-Man costume. Empower him to make choices and prepare him for the ramifications. Let him know that the problem is NOT in his choice, but in the ignorance and bigotry that exist in the world. Help him find allies in the community—friends, teachers, other parents—who support him. Bullying and hate are terrible things, but they can be managed with support. Kids who internalize feelings that who they are is not OK suffer terribly, often feeling shame, isolation, and loneliness. These are the kinds of feelings that lead to hopelessness, depression, and even suicide.

Your question resonates deeply with me. My 4-year-old son is also drawn to dresses and make-up. He loves trucks and dinosaurs, but he chose to be Elsa for Halloween this year (it’s a popular costume!). When he wanted to wear a dress to school last week, I hesitated. When he was 2 or 3 it was no big deal, but lately I’ve seen that his peers respond in less accepting ways to cross-gender preferences. He wore the dress, but we practiced what he might say to friends if they laughed, made fun of him, or called him a girl. The moment we walked into the classroom, a group of boys did exactly that. He responded with, “Nope, I’m a boy. I just wanted to wear this.” And that was the end of it. Granted, at 4 and 5, kids are generally more accepting than at 7, but I hear your fears and your concerns, and all you can do is equip him to handle what he may face—and the best way to do that is by making sure he knows there is nothing wrong with him.

If I can also offer a little clarification as well: There is a difference between gender preferences, gender expression, gender identity, and sexual orientation. Preferring toys and objects that are traditionally associated with a different gender does not necessarily have anything to do with gender identity or sexual orientation. Your son may be more sensitive and nurturing than his male peers. There are girls his age who prefer some of the more traditionally male toys. That does not necessarily mean they are gay or straight or bisexual. Nor does it mean that those girls identify more as masculine or the boys identify more as feminine. Kids like what they like. We are the ones who make meaning of it and attach labels.

If you need support for yourself or your son in figuring out how to navigate through these issues, find a therapist who works with gender fluidity. Whether or not your son is gay, a therapist trained in LGBTQ+ issues would have a lot of resources and strategies for navigating how to be different in an intolerant community.

Best of luck,
Erika

Editor’s note: DeAnza Spaulding, MA, LMHCA is a trauma therapist who takes a holistic, client-centered approach to therapy. Her continuing education presentation for GoodTherapy.org, titled Ethics in Spirituality in Therapy, is scheduled for 9 a.m. PDT on November 14, 2014. This event is available at no additional cost to GoodTherapy.org members and is good for two CE credits. For details, or to register, please click here.

Right from the start, psychology taught us to be suspect of processes involving spirituality, and this led us to divide spirituality from psychological treatment. In fact, Freud once coined religion and spirituality as “obsessional neurosis.” In his 1927 book Future of an Illusion, Freud stated, “Religious views are illusions, fulfillments of the oldest, strongest, and most urgent wishes of mankind.”

As therapeutic professionals, we’ve been trained to think that spirituality has no place within the tradition of psychotherapy and that there is no intersection between these two arenas. For decades we’ve been telling people that when addressing concerns about their psychological health, such as depression or anxiety, they should seek guidance from psychotherapists and counselors, and for questions regarding their spiritual health and faith, they should consult their priests, pastors, clergy, and imams.

This dichotomy fails to address how psychological well-being impacts spiritual health and spirituality, psychological health. People have been led to believe that spirituality is an inappropriate means to address their psychological health, so they are less likely to bring their spiritual selves to the counseling setting. Perhaps they internalized the message: leave the spirituality to your spiritual leaders and the psychological care to your therapists. 

Today’s clients, however, more frequently inquire where their spiritual identities might fit in therapy. In part this has to do with how clients see themselves—many acknowledge that their spirituality is a core component of their identities. In a 2012 Pew Research Center survey, for example, 85% of Americans stated that their spirituality is an essential part of their identities.

The diverse needs and expressions of clients require therapists to reexamine the divide. Our clients are changing and assessing their personal needs, and some may be saying, “My spiritual identity is a vital part of who I am—is there any way to incorporate that in therapy?” The “leave your spirituality at the door” perspective is no longer sufficient in assessment and treatment, yet many of us find ourselves ill equipped to address the client’s spiritual needs.

Therapists fielding questions about spirituality and therapy may find themselves asking, “How do we bridge this great divide?” This question stems from concerns about how to utilize spirituality in helpful and meaningful ways in therapy. Some therapists may question their qualifications to merge these areas, as spirituality is a broad spectrum. It isn’t uncommon to think that in order to effectively utilize spirituality, one must be experienced in the various expressions. It is certainly a daunting prospect to consider learning every religion and tradition. What’s more, some therapists link spirituality to religiosity when those are two different aspects. [fat_widget_right]

Spirituality refers to transcendence—a state where one is connected to something beyond self and imminence. The word spirit is derived from the Latin word spiritus, which means breath. Spirituality is commonly referred to as a fundamental component of a human’s sense of being and purpose—the breath that is the essence of life. Spirituality is often viewed as a connection beyond self, to nature, for example, or a Deity or higher power, as well as the ability to access that connection within self. Thus, spirituality is not about belief systems, dogma, or doctrine. This broader understanding and language allows the practitioner to explore each client’s personal meaning to spirituality.

For thousands of years people have relied on spiritual coping strategies. Spirituality aids individuals in dealing with grief, loss, transition, and change. A pilot study was conducted in 2010 on the efficacy of a multi-faith spirituality-based intervention (SBI) for generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) and found that SBI significantly reduced the baseline psychic and somatic symptoms of GAD. Similarly, a 2007 meta-analysis on the efficacy of spiritually oriented psychotherapy revealed the positive health outcomes for depression, anxiety, stress, and disordered eating. And research shows that cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) techniques that incorporate spirituality enhance psychological outcomes for individuals in alcohol treatment (Hodge, 2011).

Therapy is a healing practice that opens pathways to hope, inspiration, and relief, and a holistic approach is a bridge to incorporating the whole person in therapy. Holistic therapies take into consideration the body-mind-spirit of the individual and honor all aspects of an individual’s identity. This approach does not require therapists have experiential knowledge in all spiritual practices. Holistic therapy allows the therapist to build on language and meaning that is derived from an individual’s experience.

References:

1. Crook-Lynn, R.E., O’Grady, K.A., Smith, T.B., Jensen, D.R., Golightly, T. and Potkar, K.A. (2012). Addressing religious and spiritual diversity in graduate training and multicultural education for professional psychologists. Psychology of Religion and Spirituality, 4(3), 169-181.

2. Hodge, D. R. (2011). Alcohol treatment and cognitive-behavioral therapy: Enhancing effectiveness by incorporating spirituality and religion. Social Work, 56(1), 21-31.

3. Koszycki, D., Raab, K., Aldosary, F., & Bradwejn, J. (2010). A multifaith spiritually based intervention for generalized anxiety disorder: A pilot randomized trial. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 66(4), 430-441.

4. Pew Research Center. (2012). Religion and the unaffiliated. Retrieved from http://www.pewforum.org/2012/10/09/nones-on-the-rise-religion/

For children, adolescents, and adults with attention-deficit hyperactivity (ADHD), difficulty maintaining focus is often the most prominent challenge. Although medication can lead to huge improvements in the ability to focus, some individuals cannot take medication, choose not to, and in some cases medication alone is not sufficient to fully address difficulties with attention.

In the absence of help from medication, here are several simple strategies to help improve focus:

[fat_widget_right]

Classroom Strategies

• Take frequent notes on class material.
• If possible and feasible, have the child or teen complete fill-in-the-blank notes provided by a teacher.
• Some children and teens sustain focus better by keeping their hands occupied with something small, such as a stress ball, eraser, or a similar item.
• Younger children may do well with using exercise hands on the legs of their chairs. Allowing them to push their legs against these will provide tension, reduce fidgeting, and in turn may improve concentration.
• For older children and teens, teaching them how to stretch subtly during class may help reduce fidgeting and improve focus.
• Use a vibrating watch to prompt the child or teen at specific time intervals to regain focus.

Homework-Completion Strategies

• Have the child or teen create an agenda each evening for which assignments will be completed and the order in which they will be completed. Encourage the child/teen to estimate how long each will take when creating the agenda. This will help the child/teen to mentally prepare to complete the assignments for a designated period of time and may help improve focus.
• For reading assignments, designate a chair for the child or teen to sit in. Let the child/teen sit in that chair only when reading for school. This will help train the child or teen to focus on reading when in that chair.
• Reduce distractions such as the availability of a cell phone, computer access not related to homework assignments, noise, etc. Using apps such as White Noise (to reduce background noise) and Interval Minder (to stay on task) may be helpful.

Work-Completion Strategies

• Create a daily to-do list and estimate how long each task will take.
• Block out time in your calendar to complete each task as if it were an appointment.
• As appropriate, schedule specific blocks of time to return phone calls, email, etc., instead of returning them as they come in. Obviously, this depends on your job responsibilities and the urgency of responding, but doing this will limit distractions that impede your ability to complete specific tasks in a timely manner.
• If getting to meetings on time is an issue, use countdown apps or reminders to prompt you 30 minutes, 15 minutes, and five minutes before you have to leave to attend the meeting. When the five-minute reminder goes off, stop what you are doing and go.
• When writing/editing a report, set realistic deadlines to finish writing/editing each paragraph, section, page, or other part of the document. If you get slowed down when editing and keep rereading the same lines or sections over again, try tapping your finger or hand on the desk as you read each word. This action may help you edit more quickly and keep you moving along.
• If having trouble editing carefully, try reading the text out loud. This may help improve the quality of your work.

The strategies above are likely to help improve focus. Obviously, the exact cause of the difficulty sustaining focus, and individual differences, will affect how helpful each of these strategies may be. I suggest you try the strategies that seem appropriate for your needs and work on developing your own. If needed, seeking out a therapist who specializes in this or an ADHD/executive functioning coach may be helpful. A trained professional can ensure that you are able to follow through in carrying out implementation of these types of techniques successfully.

In my view, self-esteem, the foundation for how we are in the world, is the most under-acknowledged component of mental health. One of our most important tasks as parents is to be sure the environment fosters in children perceptions of themselves as capable, effective human beings. Self-esteem is greatly impacted by how children feel about their ability to cope with life, a feeling that is largely developed by others. The way parents respond to their children communicates to them that they are loved, capable, and contributing people, which enhances their self-esteem. On the other hand, parents can unintentionally send negative messages to children that they are incapable and unloved, which contributes to low self-esteem.

A desirable self-esteem is likely being established if children perceive that they belong and that they are loved and respected within the family system. One way for parents to enhance that perception is to focus on their children’s strengths and accept their weaknesses. Children should be set up to be successful and learn how to embrace positive feedback from others, not discount it.

In order for children to understand how capable they really are, parents need to facilitate children reaching their full potential by demonstrating genuine interest and a desire to be productively involved with them. If an atmosphere of closeness and trust is created between children and their parents, children will grow increasingly interested in adult perceptions. All human beings, children in particular, have a basic need for potency, a sense of control over their environment, and an affirmation of their significance.

[fat_widget_right]

Children need to have opportunities to experience success. Success breeds success, which will result in building self-esteem. Parents can encourage children to work toward developing a level of self-understanding, which is a powerful influence on human behavior and is a crucial component in children reaching their full potential.

In order to ensure that their children are developing a desirable self-esteem, parents can do the following:

• Set time aside to talk with your children and be fully present. Children need to feel they are being listened to.
• Encourage children to take care of themselves through modeling a healthy lifestyle by eating a balanced diet and getting enough exercise.
• Provide the opportunity for children to become involved in activities they enjoy. Allow children to have a voice in the activities they engage in to encourage their individuality and to develop their own interests and passions.
• Model a positive attitude toward yourself and others.
• Help children set goals, and celebrate when they reach them. If reaching their goal takes longer than expected, keep encouraging them. If plans need to be renegotiated, let children know it is OK in order to enhance their self-confidence.
• Encourage children to do their best and be proud of them for doing so. If they receive an A or a C in school, be proud of them for the effort they give.
• Despite the circumstances, let children know they deserve to be loved and accepted.
• Teach children that experiencing challenges and disappointments is a life skill and not a reflection of their worth or what they deserve.
• Let children know you will never give up on them and ensure that they are held accountable. Their self-esteem will be enhanced by taking responsibility for themselves and their behavior.

Even people who have happy relationships spend a lot of time having negative thoughts about their partner. Here’s why:

1. You have a fantasy about how your partner should be.
2. You are a person with high sensitivity, anxiety, or depression.
3. You think your partner should make you happy.
4. You are with someone who is not like you.
5. You don’t see your part in conflicts.

Fantasies Falling Short

Intimate relationships and marriages can be a dream come true but, for many, they can feel like a nightmare. Consciously or unconsciously, people go into marriage with expectations from their own parents’ marriage(s). Some people try to fashion the closeness or distance they observed between their parents, while others affirm desperately that they will never repeat what they saw. Either way, you may feel angry, anxious, and/or hopeless if your relationship falls short of your expectations.

Temperament and Mood Matters

If you are highly sensitive or prone to depression or anxiety, you might be intensely reactive to minor slights from your partner. Understanding how to work with, tolerate, and manage these feelings is crucial in avoiding chronic disagreements and misunderstandings. I once asked a friend how she could get married after being single so long. “Prozac,” she said. Don’t underestimate the power of your mood to create conflict in your relationship.

[fat_widget_relationships_right]

Happiness Is an Inside Job

While it would be great if your partner could make you happy, he or she can only enhance how you feel. Your spouse is a separate person who may not share your moods, interests, patience, empathy, or level of sexual interest. He or she should be respected for these differences. If your spouse makes you happy, realize that is a gift and not an entitlement.

Differences Are Enriching

Opposites may attract us initially but can later repel us. That joke-telling, life-of-the-party spouse suddenly isn’t so funny. That brilliant, charming guy is now draining to be around. So do you leave? Not necessarily. Stick around and learn to understand and accept your partner. Often, the masks that attracted you cover vulnerabilities that your partner didn’t want you to see. Show your significant other you love the “real” him/her and your relationship will move to a much deeper level. After all, you are your partner’s port in the storm and he/she is yours.

You Don’t See Your Part in Conflicts

Ever feel like you’d have a wonderful relationship if you just had another partner? When you become intimate on so many levels with another person, you are bound to conflict and disagree. It is much easier to point your finger at your spouse than to look in the mirror, but looking at yourself is the only way to change your relationship. When you look inside, you may discover that the person you really have trouble with isn’t your spouse.

In short, it is so much easier to hate or be disappointed in your partner than to take the time to appreciate him or her. If you open up and learn to accept and cherish your partner, your relationship may unfold in ways you never thought possible. In the words of Carl Rogers, a famous 20th-century psychologist, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself as I am, then I can change.” So start accepting yourself as you are, your partner as he or she is, and then create a relationship together that you both love. And if you need help getting started, contact a therapist.

While stigma still surrounds nearly every mental health issue imaginable, some are plagued more than others. Depression continues to be one of the least discussed mental health issues, though it is possibly the most commonly experienced. Not all causes of depression are apparent or even existent; it can start to affect the brain chemistry of anyone at any time, and many people are often unaware that it has become an issue.

Because apathy and a sense of numbness are common side effects of depression, it can be extremely difficult to seek help or even start caring about recovery. Luckily, some people do enter therapy for help with depression and have reduced their symptoms and experienced healing. And many people are in the process of doing so now.

[fat_widget_right]

It’s important to hear stories from people during all stages of depression, which is why we’re continuing our series of articles that recognize blogs about mental health issues with this roundup of depression-related blogs. We look for writers who, like us, are dedicated to eliminating stigma around mental health issues and educating others about their personal experiences. The authors featured below share this passion, and we encourage you to check out their sites!

A Splintered Mind (DouglasCootey.com)

Douglas Cootey writes that he started blogging to achieve three things: reducing stigma, connecting with others who experienced similar mental health issues, and improving as a writer. His blog addresses ADHD and depression with refreshing self-awareness, positivity, and humor. “Thinking negatively was making me miserable,” writes Cootey. “It took years of hard work to change how I looked at life, but now I feel quite optimistic. I see optimism as a mindset that opens windows of opportunity and solutions and negativity as a mindset that closes those windows.” Among the many reasons we admire A Splintered Mind is its dedication to therapy as a method for healing (Cootey says he “strongly advocates” for cognitive behavioral therapy) and support for mental health treatment without medication.

Depression Marathon (DepressionMarathon.blogspot.com)

Etta is a runner and health professional who created Depression Marathon as a way to combat stigma and record her treatment and recovery from depression. Studies show that exercise can have a significant positive impact on mental health, and Etta exemplifies this effect. “Running is so much a part of my life,” she writes. “It keeps me balanced and mentally healthy.” For anyone experiencing depression and looking to incorporate physical fitness into a treatment plan, Depression Marathon is an inspirational account of one woman’s journey in self-reformation.

Lawyers with Depression (LawyersWithDepression.com)

With a title like Lawyers with Depression, it might seem like this blog is appealing to a severely narrow niche. Don’t be fooled, though—every post contains some universal wisdom or helpful perspective on the experience of depression. “The 25 Paradoxes of Depression,” for instance, articulates some common symptoms associated with depression in terms many people aren’t able to voice. The primary author of Lawyers with Depression is Dan, a lawyer in Buffalo, New York. Dan also works with an organization in Buffalo called Compeer, which pairs mentors with individuals experiencing mental health issues.

Hyperbole and a Half (HyperboleAndAHalf.blogspot.com.au)

Ever heard someone say, “clean ALL THE THINGS!”? This phrase, which has become a meme both on the Internet and offline, comes from this webcomic and blog by Allie Brosh. Specifically, it comes from a blog post from 2010 called “This Is Why I’ll Never Be an Adult,” in which Brosh hilariously details the relatable process of rededicating herself to productivity and adulthood, subsequently failing or rebelling, and cycling back to her original fervor and commitment. Pick any one of Brosh’s hundreds of illustrated blog posts and you’ll find they all contain her signature wit, humor, and poignancy—whether she’s talking about her dogs, ADHD and depression, or that one time she ate an entire cake and got terribly sick. It’s impossible not to be entertained by Hyperbole and a Half, but you’ll probably also find her posts heartwarming and wonderfully truthful. (Note: All ages can appreciate this blog, but many posts do contain swear words.)

Daisies and Bruises (DaisiesAndBruises.com)

As her brief bio states, Daisies and Bruises is “the product of a 29-year-old named Erin finding her way after she lost most of her youth to severe depression.” After years of depression, self-harm, and several suicide attempts, Erin entered a residential treatment center and experiences many types of therapy, including cognitive behavioral therapy, art therapy, and horticultural therapy. When she accepted that her depression was treatable, she started finding her voice and being able to heal and share her journey. “I realize I’m one of the lucky ones,” Erin writes. “For every person that regains their life back from depression, there are ten in the background that never do … I’m not out of the woods yet, but I’m really getting there. Read along, learn from my experiences, share yours with me, and together we can make it through.”

Give the above authors some of your time and appreciation by visiting their sites. We know there are many more blogs related to depression that we’ve missed—what are some of your favorites? Let us know by sending an email to inquiries@goodtherapy.org, and we will check it out!