Woman rips up photo of the ex-boyfriend she now hates.Hatred is a relatively stable feeling of intense dislike for another person, entity, or group. Hatred is distinct from short-lived feelings such as anger and disgust. While some forms of animosity may only manifest briefly and mildly, hatred is a form of active, ongoing hostility that often uses up significant emotional energy. When someone feels hatred for another person, they often spend much of their time fixating on their anger, contempt, or dislike of the other person.

Why Do People Hate?

Hate is part of the range of human emotions. Some researchers believe all people have the capacity to hate, while others believe true hatred is uncommon. What does seem clear is that hatred tends to emerge as a learned emotion that flourishes in the absence of compassion.

Feelings of hatred or intense emotional dislike develop for many reasons. People might begin to hate another person or group when they:

  • Feel envy or want what the other person has. They may consider it unfair that someone has what they lack.
  • Have contempt for another person or believe them to be inferior.
  • Learn hatred from parents, their community, or other social groups.
  • Are humiliated or mistreated by another person.

People also hate when they feel powerless. Rather than turning their anxiety and shame inward, they may project that negativity onto an external target. In some cases, people who experience bullying or abuse may grow to hate the person who harmed them.

In other cases, a target is hated more for what they represent than for specific actions they have taken. Individuals may believe the target of their hatred has harmful intentions toward them and would hurt them if they could. However, the target may not necessarily have hostile intentions, or the hatred may be disproportional to the injury.

For example, a student may hate a teacher who failed them in a class. The teacher may not have any hostility for the student and could simply be doing their job. However, the student may use the teacher as a stand-in for their frustration with academia as a whole. This hatred may prompt the student to try and harm the teacher, perhaps by spreading false rumors or sending a vicious email.

Hatred and Dehumanization

Studies on hatred suggest it tends to persist. Prolonged hatred may lead to a desire for revenge or preemptive action against a perceived threat. Some people harbor hatred for others but never act on it. Others become energized by hate and express their feelings through violent acts.

Feelings of hatred that develop toward certain a certain individual may eventually be redirected toward the entire group that person belongs to. This can lead to dehumanization of individuals or groups. Dehumanization is the act of seeing a person as inferior, uncivilized, or less than human.

Dehumanization research suggests that when people see others as less than human, empathy centers in the brain deactivate. For example, people who commit mass violence, cruelty, or hate crimes often rationalize these actions by comparing the victims to animals. Individuals who would typically balk at murdering another person may find it easier to kill a “subhuman” enemy.

How to Cope When You Are Hated

Coping with hatred can be difficult, especially when there’s no apparent cause for the hatred. You may wonder how someone can have such deep, negative feelings toward you. Believing someone hates you can affect your mood, mental health, and self-esteem.

Remember that people make mistakes. Someone you’ve hurt won’t always be able to forgive you. However, if you regret the action, consider how to learn and grow from what happened so that you don’t hurt anyone else.If someone hates you because they feel wronged by you, it’s possible you want to reach out to them. You may wish to discuss their feelings, apologize, or make the situation clear. This could help when someone is merely angry with you, but when it comes to hatred, it may be difficult to have a calm, rational discussion with the other person.

Taking a trusted friend or loved one with you can help. Getting advice from someone unbiased (like a licensed counselor) can also help put the situation in perspective. Depending on the circumstances, it may be best not to engage the other person.

If a coworker’s hatred for you affects your performance at work or even causes difficulties outside of work, Human Resources can give you advice or direct you to workplace resources.

When you’ve been threatened, or even if you just feel unsafe, you may want to seek advice from law enforcement. If you’re working with a therapist, it may help to start by talking through the situation openly in a therapy session. Your therapist can help you explore helpful solutions and offer support.


Internalized hatred can cause significant harm. In some cases, internalized self-hatred results from experiencing prejudice (racism, sexism, ableism, homophobia, etc.). Negative beliefs become a part of your internal experience, leading you to judge and criticize yourself according to the stereotypes society assigns you.

Self-hatred can also result from mistakes you’ve made. If you’ve hurt a loved one and lost a close relationship as a result, you may feel painful regret. You may also come to develop hatred toward yourself.

Many people judge themselves harshly, especially when feeling guilty for something they’ve done. If forgiveness from your loved one isn’t possible, or if you’re afraid to seek it, your feelings may intensify. Self-hatred can contribute to depression. It could also factor into self-harm or other attempts to punish the self.

Remember that people make mistakes. Someone you’ve hurt won’t always be able to forgive you. However, if you regret the action, consider how to learn and grow from what happened so that you don’t hurt anyone else. Just as compassion is the key to overcoming hatred, self-compassion can help heal self-hatred.

Developing self-compassion isn’t always easy. A compassionate counselor can help without judging you for any mistakes you may have made in the past. Therapy can help you find support and healing for all types of hatred.


  1. Blaszczak-Boxe, A. (2017, March 7). How the dehumanization of certain groups leads to a ‘vicious cycle’ of hate. Live Science. Retrieved from https://www.livescience.com/58154-how-dehumanization-leads-to-vicious-cycle-of-hate.html
  2. Fischer, A., Halperin, E., Canetti, D., & Jasini, A. (2018, August 2). Why we hate. Emotion Review, 10(4). Retrieved from https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/1754073917751229
  3. Gaylin, W. (2003). Hatred: The psychological descent into violence. New York, NY: PublicAffairs Books.
  4. JonesPatulli, J. (2017). Why we hate others. Human Systems Dynamics Institute. Retrieved from https://www.hsdinstitute.org/resources/Why_we_hate_others.html
  5. Navarro, J. I. (2013). The psychology of hatred. The Open Criminology Journal, 6(1), 10-17. Retrieved from https://www.researchgate.net/publication/273482719_The_Psychology_of_Hatred
  6. Prelinger, E. (2004). Thoughts on hate and aggression. The Psychoanalytic Study of the Child, 59(1), 30-43. Retrieved from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16240605
  7. Resnick, B. (2017, March 7). The dark psychology of dehumanization, explained. Vox. Retrieved from https://www.vox.com/science-and-health/2017/3/7/14456154/dehumanization-psychology-explained

Last Updated: 05-13-2019

  • Leave a Comment
  • Donna

    August 15th, 2019 at 9:07 AM

    I have a friend who hates another person with a passion because of a racial comment he made two years ago regarding Jews and she is Jewish. The comment wasn’t directed at her, he was talking to someone else. She heard it and interjected with a comment. Needless to say she has been harboring this hatred toward him since then. My husband and I have no ill feelings towards this man and his wife. I don’t agree with what he said and I think it was a rude and stupid thing to say. Anyway, 2 years have passed and her hatred is like a poison. My husband and I went to dinner with this man and his wife. When we came home she came over to my house and started berating me at the top of her lungs for going to dinner with “that man”, asking me about loyalty in friendship. We have been close friends for 45 years, our children grew up together and are still in contact with one another. I went to her house to try and talk about it and all she did was scream about how horrible this man is. Her husband said this is not a good time to talk about it. I went home devastated and just broke down crying. Her friendship means the world to me but I’ve never been a person to harbor hatred. I don’t know how or what to say to her and I’m looking for help.


    September 4th, 2019 at 9:59 PM

    Excellent article

  • Kate

    May 23rd, 2020 at 7:50 AM

    Can’t we respect people’s hatred?

  • Icestormshadow

    August 2nd, 2020 at 5:04 AM

    That’s like asking someone if they can respect a thorny greenbriar vine wrapped around them, taking it off and yeeting it away from you is the least harmful to said person. Similarly, the way to “respect” it would be to remove that person from your life

  • Na

    August 16th, 2020 at 5:43 PM

    That just makes you tolerant of a bigot – not a great option.

  • Michael Roberson

    September 18th, 2020 at 1:16 AM

    You’re absolutely right Kate I’m grown and I been called all kind of awful things, racial slurs included, through out my life but you know what I feel you can’t we just accept that that’s the way the world is and respect it (It’s discrimination because of the petty Ill will we harbor for others that should be addressed like these police killings thats trending in black neighborhoods for example not the hatred itself because in an ideal world I should be able to feel how I want to feel but as an adult I should possess the ability to handle all of affairs without allowing bias to dictate my decision making.)

  • Allen

    September 18th, 2020 at 7:22 AM

    Hatred is a basic emotion which is good in itself but when applied to persons, due to differences of race, gender, vision, religion and the like becomes ugly and dangerous. So hating injustice for instance can be a good . However how do we quantify what is good. This was the original question. The second question was, “Do Humans have the right to decide on this question?”

  • Jeremy

    October 8th, 2020 at 5:59 PM

    Hatred always comes from hurt. Feeling indifferent with someone who doesn’t look or act like you is instinctive. You can never be rid of instinct, sad to say, but we are intelligent enough to overcome it.

  • Jelani

    December 18th, 2020 at 8:55 PM

    Lol just reading these comments makes me hate people even more.

  • Jaqueline

    January 3rd, 2021 at 4:54 AM

    I am consumed with hatred for the people who have hurt me and it’s destroying me but I can’t stop it. I feel paralysed by it and unable to move forward in my life because of it. I hate myself the most though 😓

  • Lillian

    January 4th, 2021 at 10:14 AM

    i hate alot of people because of the way they act of what they think sometimes i just wanna punch them in the face

  • Jonathan

    February 11th, 2021 at 4:55 PM

    You’re not wrong. Hatred isn’t destructive. It all comes down as to what degree you are capable of controlling that anger. For example, I feel hatred because teachers didn’t try their best to assess my needs as an individual. For someone with Social Anxiety, I wasn’t able to express it to them at the given moment. But after 5 years I was able to express how awful they really are. Was I wrong by doing that? Perhaps some could say yes. I didn’t think so.

    If someone fell that low in life and you had to be acknowledged because of it, no matter how it’s expressed, then you’re better off being sorry and learning from those mistakes.

    So in the end. The teachers learnt something. And so did I. Did I resort to violence? Of course not. I just spouted the truth. With extreme anger hidden beneath my words. While some could say that extreme language is sometimes not okay, sometimes people will get the message that way, as long as you don’t take it to the degree of harassing the individual. We have freedom of speech. It all comes down to what extent you can use that freedom.

  • Jonathan

    February 11th, 2021 at 5:06 PM

    I disagree, IceStormShadow, the only way we can improve as a society is if we learn to express our emotions adequately, no matter what the emotion may be. Sometimes being a little mean is perfectly acceptable, but setting your point across the most logical way is the most effective way of perhaps changing someones persona. Sometimes logic is a fundamental step towards changing someone. Of course this isn’t applicable towards all individuals, because you know, some aren’t ready to accept criticism, others however will always try to find a way to change a certain aspect of their life.

    By feeling hatred, am I saying to react against someone out of anger? Of course not. I do think that there should be a hint of anger as to how you express yourself, but the most important way to express yourself is out of logic. Understand if it’s logical to feel this hatred, and instead of using it to destroy the life of someone, use it to at least try to change someone. Hatred in itself isn’t bad. It’s bad depending on how you react :)

  • Jaqueline

    February 13th, 2021 at 8:06 AM

    Hey Jonathan! I totally agree with your comment, however as an emotion hatred can be all-consuming (like sadness) which almost paralyses the constructive thinking process and leads to abrupt behaviour which is often inappropriate and I admit sometimes unjust. I have Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder and struggle to control rapidly escalating emotions most particularly feelings of rejection and rage. I accept they may be perceived beliefs and not necessarily based on actual fact but the powerful feelings they create are real enough and make it hard to stop and think!

  • Falguni

    February 17th, 2021 at 7:44 PM

    This woman my husbands birth parent persistent to be part of our life. My husband was adopted by her parents as she didn’t and wasn’t capable of taking care of him. She never did eventually. Eventually she found somebody but didn’t want to leave her parents home or luxurious life her brother was providing therefore she blackmailed her husband to stay with her parent. Eventually brother gave her a house. When I met my husband she was very much part of his life as they were brought up like siblings. I strongly believe in adoption so she made up lies about his birth story and lied to me about so many things to make her look vulnerable. She insisted her husband is having an affair and as her mum died she didn’t have home to live into. She needs to move in with my husband (then my bf) I didn’t give much reaction as she was so self-centred, cared for herself and demanded full time servant, designer clothes and perfumes etc from her man who was financial stretched. Her possessive nature etc made me think if I would consider a partner comes with burden like that.
    I had to make it clear with my bf that it is not going to be an option for me to live with her. I clarified with her as well and if she chose to I am happy to leave before making long term commitments. After long hardship and bitter relationship my bf agreed. However she insisted on coming to our place everyday in the evening, my daily chore was return from work, pick her up, cook clean and drop her off. I was exhausted after 9months being gf I didn’t have to do any of this but the pressure was built on. She claimed to be mother but when it came down to talking to my family about our marriage she decided to step away and cried she had no money or jewellery to give us as present. However this is the lady with bank balance of 100k and large jewellery locker box. I didn’t care. But real drama begin after our marriage, she spread rumours about me and turned my husbands relative against me. I can’t stand people with double standard, lies and pretends to be innocent. I feel forced and obliged to be civilised with her when I can’t even respect her in my heart. How do I deal with this? My husband insisting she comes stay with us for a month or so and I feel anxiety and sadness. I can’t deal with this feeling and never felt hatred or anger towards anyone before.
    Not too sure how to deal with this feeling anymore

  • Kate

    February 18th, 2021 at 8:44 AM

    Your post is about your husband and his mother. It’s like you have nullified yourself in order to appease them. Why should you do that? Your husband knows your feelings but doesn’t seem to respect your wishes -it’s as if your needs and desires are not taken into consideration. I would personally disown both of them: you’ve been dragged into a very toxic relationship and I don’t envy you at all. Get rid of these emotional vampires. You deserve to have a happy and stress free life. Go for it!

  • Jaqui

    February 18th, 2021 at 10:32 AM

    Well said Kate, totally agree. Husbands and their mothers can ruin your life. Falguni your feelings are valid and should be listened to xx

  • Laurie

    February 23rd, 2021 at 3:12 AM

    Hi there ive been in this tough spot for 8 years. My daughter-in-law truly despise me. First I believe she was jealous of the relationship my son and I used to have. She fixed that though. She happens to be very overweight and I’m pretty thin and she hates that. When I come into her house to visit the Grandkids, she won’t even say hello. It is true that I begged my son not to marry her and I believe he did marry her because she had a big family and liked them. I raised him as a single parent and spent the best years of my life doing everything I could to see that he turned out to be a good man for somebody. But she has totally ruled him and I mean she has every minute of his day scheduled. In the four years my granddaughter has been alive this year around Christmas was the very first time she was ever at my house. I insisted that he bring her. I have been to visit those kids every week since they were born. They have three now and I know he would never leave her because he loves those kids. I can’t talk to him about anything because she grilled him and anything that we talk about she knows. I have gotten to the point that I will not go down there. It’s that uncomfortable and the kids are noticing. I am not a hateful person and I truly can’t stand the glares. She has never even offered me anything to drink. I have an auto immune disease that can get pretty bad at times but as you can guess she has not once ever ask me how I was doing. I definitely can’t talk to her. She either doesn’t know how to hold a conversation or just doesn’t give a crap. When I tell her some thing right away she turns around and tells me something about herself instead of having a back-and-forth. She is so connected to her mother that she can’t do anything without her. I have literally begged them to include me in some of their family outings, to the zoo or whatever like they include her parents, but it never happens and it never will. I’ve gotten to the point where I’ve set my sights to the days when those kids are old enough to decide where they go for themselves. I just really hope I’m alive to see it.

  • Laurie

    February 23rd, 2021 at 3:29 AM

    Hi KAte i honestly can see myself all over your post. Except the players are a bit different. I have in the past described them as emotional vampires. Especially her it really feels like shes sucking the life out of me when im there. Usually i just cant wait to go and never want to get in the car to go there. I know thats not the right way to feel but shes reinforced her hatred of me week after week its hard to be excited. And as was said my son has no respect for me or how im feeling or how damaging it is. He “doesnt want to get involved”. He knows it will only cause a hysterical shouting match. I do believe you should as should i remove myself from the toxic situation..

  • Laurie

    February 23rd, 2021 at 3:46 AM

    Hiya Falguni Sounds to me like she full blown Narcissistic Personality Disorder i am up close familiar with it. My mother had it and traumatized all my siblings with her lies, half truths pitting us and even her own grandkids against each other. If you didnt do what she wanted shed throw a fake nervous breakdown. Finally i got fed up and did some research. At first my sisters thought i was horrible for saying those things about. Got to the point if i wanted to talk with i realized ii hd to take some as a witness. Finally everybody really took a good look at how she had and was hurting them. Trust me, they will never go for help bc theres nothing wrong with them. If your hubby maakes one move to having her live there pack your bags and just go. Once shes in shell never go.

  • Ali

    May 9th, 2021 at 7:43 PM

    Don’t know what changed.
    I use to be the outgoing friendly girl most of my life. I enjoyed being out and about. But over the last 3-5 years starting around 46 I started to hate general public. Being around them angered me. This is a problem because I work in the customer service area. I’d rather stay at home and also work from home so I don’t have to deal with anyone. I was never like this before. I don’t want to end up being the old cranky lady on my porch unnecessarily yelling at everyone. What can I do to go back to who I was. I’m lost….

  • Laurie

    July 15th, 2021 at 3:36 PM

    I feel hated at work because I was underrepresented. No one seemed to be able to validate that being underestimated was a good reason. Almost everyone’s name was up there except for me, this lady with Down’s syndrome and this guy. I mean everyone else in the front end had their name up their. I brought up that my hair is lighter, and this man made a weird noise. Everyone who had their name up their had black hair and this one bald man. I wanted to tear the names down. They were at the solution center. It has been bothering me for a while. Now I fake act like I like people. I wonder if they are trying to get rid of me. The company is called Giant. When I first started working there, customers were not nice to me. A customer asked my coworker if I speak English. These are called assumptions. We can not change people who don’t think with logic. But when they cause us fear of losing our jobs, we must know why they express how they show how they feel like we are inferior to the others. I hope that I am not breaking the law, but I am unhappy at my work. I really think they hate my hair color. This is not a good reason to dislike someone. I didn’t get hired for being white, having light hair or any of that nonsense. Then why is it better to hire a younger person? The more I think about it, it sounds obviously racist towards me. That they may be fooled that hating me is doing a good deed for society. They refuse to give me an answer. I don’t feel like I am treated fairly in life. I don’t like being treated like I am someone else’s problem. I am tired of explaining that I deserve respect. That my coworkers don’t understand why I hate being disrespected and they make me mad at them. They publicized how white people have hurt them like wearing I can’t breathe masks for Covid. I had many people in my family murdered in Europe for being Jewish. Now I feel like I am treated like an oppressor. There is also a book about Jewish people will become white supremacists. I don’t like racism towards anyone. I noticed that people will be friends with the wrong people. Like I remember these African American kids showing respect to a woman who did blackface. That woman was the most intolerant person I ever met. She showed something against my people. No wonder kids didn’t like me. Crap. But I still have a heart, I am hopeful and I think I like people who don’t like me. It is just that I complimented kids who showed no respect to me back.

  • Karlo

    August 6th, 2021 at 12:35 AM

    (i’m commenting this because i needed something to vent on and cool down)
    there are 2 things that my hate really grew:
    1) 9 years of school bullying by my classmates because of me being fat and weird ( i’m diagnosed with Asperger’s)
    2) my sister because, the fact that she’s looking for ways to harm herself (sharp things/drugs) makes this feeling inside me even worse than ever, and this has been going on since the start of this pandemic. I really hoped that me and my family could just live in peace for just 1 week with no trouble whatsoever, but sadly we couldn’t. Also she’s diagnosed with bipolar so I couldn’t argue with that. But it’s an issue for me because my mom has to deal with all the angry words that I vented on her and made her became a victim of my anger, even though she tried to calm me down several times. I couldn’t listen to her since I was in the moment of an outburst and I don’t know how to control myself. It makes me so jealous that even though there’s no such thing as a perfect family, but when I see my friends’ and relatives’ family dynamic relationships ( the good kind) it makes me wonder why did I deserve this situation that I’m in. now It makes it harder for me to be in a good conversation with my mom because all I do is hurt her verbally, when it’s because the hatred from all the trauma that i experienced, stored in me. I don’t know how became from a good boy who’s respectful, to me being cold, but as of now, I have no idea how can I cope up with this, with positive people to support me or something.

  • Kate

    August 7th, 2021 at 4:52 AM

    First of all, don’t think that all families are perfect, because they’re NOT. I think families are dysfunctional in general. I’m sorry that you were bullied and this is making you lash out at your mother – you need to get some therapy and support from someone not in the family. This is the only way you’ll start to feel better in yourself and start to treat your mother better. I am 62 years old and was bullied at work a few years ago and am now being bullied by my housemates – it makes me angry and indignant and I won’t stand for it. I see a counsellor once a week, and she really helps me. I am also moving out of this toxic situation as I absolutely despise my housemates and find them disgusting. Please don’t lose hope Karlos! There’s always help out there if you look for it. Couldn’t you ask your Mum to find you a counsellor? I’m sure she’d be more than happy to have a happy and calm son. A mother’s love is often unconditional and she wants you to happy, not full of anger. Could you write her a letter explaining the bullying and how it’s affecting your relationship with your Mum? She’s probably wondering what she’s done, poor thing. Maybe you’re angry with her because she didn’t defend you from the bullies? You don’t mention your Dad? How come you’re not angry with him? Good luck Karlos…don’t suffer alone.

  • Woowoo

    September 2nd, 2021 at 12:38 PM

    I work with a guy who I became friends with and noticed he always needed someone to hate, it went from 1 person in our group to another. After he channeled his hatred towards one person for awhile he would do it to the next and then be fine with the previous person and have conversations like everything is good but he always needed one person to dislike, finally I did something small and he wigged out on me, I tried talking to him but he did not want anything todo with me,so I just stood back and let him do his thing. He spoke badly about me but all the other people he hated he is now good with, so I looked at it like well if he needs someone to hate I am fine with it, I just leave him alone and keep
    My distance, he is nice to everyone else now but it’s def weird and I was wondering what that was all about and what causes something like that. Why does he need someone to hate, what can’t he just be cordial to people

  • Jaqueline Quibell

    September 3rd, 2021 at 7:06 AM

    Some people are so hurt that their bitterness is expressed thru hurting others. Look at it as an unhelpful coping mechanism. Obviously it’s never acceptable to hurt others because you’ve been hurt yourself but I can understand it. They move from person to person because they still don’t feel better, it’s an endless process that brings them no peace but obviously hurts all those around them. I think men often behave this way because they feel they cannot express their emotions any other way. I’m sorry you’ve become his latest ‘victim’, all I can say is have some compassion for his inner struggles, don’t take it personally and wait for him to move on to the next.

  • Kate

    September 3rd, 2021 at 9:05 AM

    Let me tell you something: You can waste your time trying to figure out why someone behaved in a certain way, and sometimes the need to rationalise it will kill you! I have come to the conclusion that we can’t explain the inexplicable and am not even going to bother now trying to understand what’s going on in someone’s head. I just can’t be bothered any more, trying to justify people’s nasty behaviour – there could be thousands of reasons. Glad he’s left you in peace now….feel sorry for the current victim and the future ones. This guy must have a huge ego.

  • Lilian

    September 8th, 2021 at 11:38 AM

    How do you cope when your friend showed so much anger and hatred towards you? Should I try to talk to that person one on one? Or just keep a distance?

  • Kathleen

    September 12th, 2021 at 11:10 AM

    It’s strikes me as odd that a friend would come at you with such anger and hatred. Can you remember what she said exactly and if what she said was true? When I’ve been angry with people I’ve told them a few things that they’ve done or behaved that upset me. Obviously this friend has a lot to get out of her/his system – best to let the waters calm down a bit before confronting her. Good luck.

  • Cora

    September 19th, 2021 at 2:05 AM

    I have had a hatred for a girl since I dated this guy in high school. Although the situation was not just her fault it was also said boyfriend and mine. It was my fault because I wouldn’t just leave him, it was his fault for lying and not leaving her alone, and it was her fault for provoking the situation. It had been a little over a year since me and said boyfriend broke up but still to this day, even tho I am in a healthy relationship. I still find myself wondering why it happened and hating this girl. I tend to go to her Facebook and see if she’s doing ok hoping that she is not. I find myself hoping she would just die. But I can’t tell if the hate I have if because the things said boyfriend would say about her or if she is genuinely not a good person. Or maybe I’m not the good person but I don’t know. I have trying talking to her about the situation but she ends up saying someone that grinds my dears and then I lash out and tell her exactly how I feel about her. I don’t know if there’s something wrong with me or what. She seems on the outside to be a “good” person believing in God and such but I personally don’t believe that makes you a good person. I just hate her a lot. I’ve tried to just…not hate her but I will do. When I hear her name even if someone’s not talking about her I will assume that anyone with her name is a bad person. I assume that her sisters and family are bad because of the way she is.

  • CC

    October 17th, 2021 at 3:48 PM

    I read this article today because I am absolutely aghast with the hate and dehumanization I see going on in the world today. It’s coming from so many places, like our politicians, teachers, and medical community. But when average men and women start hating their fellow men and women on a massive scale based on grouping them into political factions….oh boy….I have been witnessing this increase for several years here in the US, and it is not getting better. In fact, it has been multiplied a 100 fold since the onset of the covid pandemic. The issues associated with pandemic have been used by politicians to win elections and to keep the people divided, which is what politicians always do….it ensures their role as some kind of savior to the people (which is bullshit no matter which side is coming from). The issues that have sprung up in response to covid drew quick, decisive battle lines in the sand and while your individual thoughts and belief around these issues are more than likely quite unique to you as and individual, you were only allowed to have 1 of 2 belief systems as it related to covid and all that it entailed. You weren’t allowed to be pro mask wearing but against the masking of children. If you were against government intervention and lockdown measures, but still wore a mask and got vaccinated voluntarily, no one tried to understand this about you….you were either on the left or on the right and it would be assumed by everyone else in society you reacted to covid issues in the exact same way as everyone else in your group….and let’s face it….both side have an imagined list of behaviors the “other side” either did or didn’t do in response to covid. THIS HAS CAUSED MORE HATE AMONG THE AVERAGE PEOPLE OF SOCIETY THAN I EVER THOUGHT I WOULD SEE IN MY LIFETIME. In the last few weeks I have witnessed people calling for the outright death of their neighbors. Not only is this coming from your average Joe, but from celebrities, politicians and mainstream media organizations. Sometimes I actually cry when I see this going on, because it seems out of control and at this point I don’t know if there is any reeling this massive amount of hate back in and that it will most assuredly end in something tha will make the holocaust seem like a tea party. I ask myself, I thought humanity knew that we had to be very vigilant to prevent the atrocities of the 20th century from ever happening again….but it appears hate removes our ability to be relective or rational. If you are reading this and you live in the US there is no doubt you know what faction you belong to when it come to covid; either the right camp or the left camp. Now ask your self, if you are in the left camp and someone rounded up a bunch of people from the other side (non mask wearers, anti-vaxxers, people who value liberty more than safety) put them in a room and asked you to push a button that would kill them after feeding you the prescribed propaganda that makes you hate them so much in the first place, would you do it? Conversely, if you are in the right camp and someone rounded up a bunch of people from the other side (people who support government mandates for mask wearing and vaccinations, who value safety over liberty, and believe the non compliant should be banned from participating in society) put them in a room and asked you to push a button that would kill after spending hours feeding you the prescribed propaganda that makes you hate them so much in the first place, would you do it? I wish there was a way I could convey to everyone feeling deep hatred for their neighbors here in the US would just take a minute and say, political differences are one thing, but when I completely do not care if these people live or die, and quite frankly I hope they do…I need to examine this hatred. Remove myself from the activities that are exaccerbating it, realize how my feeling are being manipulated by people who don’t really care about either side (government, mainstream media, elites) and put things into perspective. Remember, you are creating the world your children and grandchildren will live in. In closing I’d like you to read a description of how and why the people of 1930’s Germany were either oblivious to or participated in the slaughter of millions of innocent people. They were people just like you and I….probably good people…but this is the power of propaganda, and division (both racial and political)…that’s it.
    1. People are naturally inclined to obey authority and this is at the heart of why atrocities happen. We MUST remember that governments consist of men not gods. Just because someone in government says it’s righteous or passes a law saying it’s righteous….does’t make it righteous. We must be strong enough to refuse immoral orders, no matter who they come from.
    2. PROPAGANDA. Hitler and the Nazi’s tightly controlled what information Germans had access to through art, music, theater, films, books, radio, educational materials, and the press. Today the exact same thing is happening only the world wide web is exacerbating it big time. Hitler had a ministry of public enlightenmight. Today we have:
    a). “fact checkers,”
    b) strict limits on speech and the decemination of information based on the whims of politicians, media personalities, and other societal elites. The truth, validity or logic related to what is deemed acceptable is never considered at all.
    c) Propaganda, above all else, instills FEAR and then HATE into the psyche of the masses. The Nazi’s and all regimes in history have gained support by causing people to FEAR and then HATE the targeted group. And it is this FEAR and HATE that is all around us today in the US. For example: Do you believe people with beliefs that are different from your own (remember, that’s about half the country) especially around covid, as murderers? Do you think they are consumed with self-interest, control and greed? Further, have you come to view them as sub-human, unclean disease carriers, even deserving of suffering?
    In closing I would just implore you to deeply examine the hate you are feeling for people you don’t even know each time it wells up inside of you, and take action to avoid the things (propaganda) that are causing this inappropriate feeling inside of you. Don’t do it, and I’m afraid to tell you that you will be witness massive human suffering in the very near future; you will either be one of those who suffer or one of those who perpetrat it.
    Although many may tell themselves they they would never go along with mass human atrocities, but going along to get along is one of the most common human behaviors and it’s far too wide spread in our culture. Dare to be different when you know something is wrong say it! Evil depends on your silence!
    Suggested Reading: Ordinary-Men-Reserve-Battalion-Solution

  • Dem

    December 19th, 2021 at 8:39 PM

    It been five here now. It’s started from wanting to know them then I started hating them the Muslim I really hate them. They didn’t do anything to me I just hate them. The same thought over and over again I feel my mental health is at stake I don’t like hearing anything that has to do with them anytime I hear their worship sounds my chest is always tighten I don’t like hating them i want to be free again I want to smile again I don’t know what to do. I want to live without hatred.

  • Donna

    February 5th, 2022 at 8:01 PM

    I feel I have been forced to face my hatred towards a partner who has emotionally used me up, utterly lacks empathy, and now refuses to leave. I understand his dependent personality disorder and other issues, which gave me compassion for him for too long. After years of being drained dry and exhausted with needless drama, I realized I was only making him worse by feeding his disease – he has become so dependent – I told him to leave. Now is doubling down on the neediness to guilt me into letting him stay – but I was done months ago. DONE. There’s nothing there. Compassion turned to pity turned to I don’t give a damn get the hell out of my house. Now he has a plan to leave – and should be gone in a month – but every day I see more clearly how he has lied and used me and lies lies lies – I was such a fool – and now what I feel can only be called Hate. I hate his lies, his selfish utter lack of empathy, his pathetic unwillingness to take responsibility for ANYthing (cause EVERYthing is so much Easier for ME than for poor him) while at the same time yelling at nothing and Criticizing my every move – he is everything I despise in people, and I let him move in? He love bombed me and lied lied lied about his accomplishments and acted like he’d take care of stuff like a real person – – then he devolves into this utter helpless histrionic dependent can’t find anything or do anything its so easy for Me – I should just do everything for him – everything is a crisis – person. WTF happened.
    The devolution is appalling and I hate him. There. I said it. Once he’s gone – – I won’t need to – I will have my life back and I’ll remember what I used to be. Happy. But today – every moment I see him. I feel it. How do I figure out where to put this feeling? This Anger/Disgust/ hate? If only he had just left months ago when I told him to. But he had to find a place to live. Thank god his family has found him a place. But in the mean time – I must face this hatred – I could never imagine hating someone like this. He’s like a dementor sucking out my soul. I dance when he’s gone and soon he’ll be gone for good – but his refusal to leave for this long, and lies lies lies that I never saw before but now see constantly – every day I feel more anger disgust and – hate. I am facing it but I hate him for making me see and live it – still.

  • ibrahim

    May 24th, 2022 at 5:00 AM

    I am a Muslim and I hate only one person in my life and that is my father and I was surprised when I met someone here who hates Islam that it is not good to hate human customs or lifestyle. You have to hate the stupid people in these religions, my father is a Muslim but he treats me as if he is the Lord and I am the slave, Perhaps someone will come and say the Muslims are good, yes they are good at first, then you meet them like dogs…. When I make a mistake they say you will enter Hell. And when they make mistakes, no one holds them accountable… Islam is a true religion, but the Arabs are really handsome people when you meet them for first time, but the inner appearance is very ugly.

  • Hayley

    July 25th, 2022 at 3:51 AM

    Donna from the first comment, I really hope you are no longer friends with the antisemite man you previously defended. Of all people Jewish people have a very justified disdain for casual antisemitism and it really should not be tolerated by anyone ever. I hope you’ve come to see things from your Jewish friends perspective and little as it is truly unsurprising she would harbour a disdain towards the kind of behaviour that lead to her people being dehumanised and maltreated (I am not Jewish by the way but I would never abide bigotry of any kind in friendships)

  • Anna

    October 15th, 2022 at 12:05 PM

    For some time, I’ve been unwillingly stuck with the feeling of hate for another person. It is really overwhelming me, not to mention that it is an emotion I would never have expected to experience this strongly in my life. The difficult thing about hate, I think, is that I find it hard to find strategies to cope with it (also on the internet), unlike for example intense feelings of loss. An article like this helpes me give myself some solace, but that’s about it. (And I’m on the waiting list for a psychologist who is specialised in emotions, but it is a long wait). The reason why I’ve become to hate this person, is that from his side there is too much passive agressiveness, and almost never any selfreflection or taking resposibilities over his behaviour. What my reaction is to this, ias that I (or someone else) always the one taking responsibility to talk something out, but mostly I felt there was no use. I can relate very much to the feelings of powerlesness described up above in the article. It is just the kind of person who would be contemptuous about other people (for example hating travelers because he thought they are too spoiled, or randomly judging two random teenager girls (who are just chatting peacefully with their dad and maybe more than 10 years younger than him) for what they are wearing, that is: normal jeans and a t shirt); Or talking so and so loud through
    a difficult resit even though he knew I had a resit, that other people would come from another floor to ask him to stop (I couldn’t because of this home exam, and the double layer of ear protection I used didn’t work, so I put up study music so loud that I just hurt my ears). Or becoming angry when I say in a soft voice that I wouldn’t like to do something. Or when I say I don’t like him laughing randomly about what I do (say cooking), the behaviour will be replied over and over. There is just too much to name, this is only the tip of the ice berg. See, it’s very difficult for me to cope with behaviour like this, and I really tried to set healthy boundaries. My wish would be to never see this person again, but I’m afraid it’s not a totally realistic option. For now, he is still living in the same student home as my long term steady going boyfriend right now, but worst of all, he is a close family member of my boyfriend, and also operates within his group of friends (it was easier for him to hang on than to create friendships himself). When I think of the future (me and my boyfriend living together, becoming parents), I see a dilemma about not wanting to let this person anywhere near me or the place that we’re going to live), even though I know that my boyfriend really really enjoys chilling with his group of friends just at his home. Strategies that I read on the internet about coping with hate include building empathy and compassion, but although I know that he had a difficult youth, I can’t find it in me to forgive him and become the person to explain all ins and outs about the effect of his behaviour, which my boyfriend has really a lot of patience for, and I also somtimes do. I feel like I don’t want to do that because I’m not his mother, so I try too focus on what I can do and not take his responsibility, but it really drains me. The strategy I learned from my kan family is to keep getting angry and shouting at someone who behaves in a difficult way, but that is not what I want to adopt, although I spmetimes feel like it is what I want to to because I hate him so intensely. So, while my boyfriend still hopes that I can accept it for what it is (it is one of his few family members), I’m trying to find a way to speak with him about it. So maybe this will also help. But, and that’s something I’m finding difficult to say, the hatred has become so intens that I sometimes imagine that he dies in really painful way – as some kind of retribution for the emotional invalidation he gives after for example breaking promises (some of the iceberg, I just really think he is quite unreliable) – hoping that he suffers in the way that he will finally feel the pain himself that he denies to see otherwise as a consequence of his behaviour. I find this just difficult, because normally I’m not fond of cruelty at all (although he might think so because some years ago, when I was just together with my partner and just relaxing and chitchatting with my partner, he came in to show a video of someone being tortured in many ways, to which my boyfriend replied that he (bf) didn’t want to see this and that he (the family member) knew that already). I hope telling about this will help, and maybe some of you have some good tips for this complex situation. What I’ve done already is suggesting therapy (also because he would sometimes have big fights with my boyfriend), but this he didn’t want. Also, what might surprise you, this person views himself as quite an empathic person. It’s also not like there was never anything positive, because I know this person sometimes did his best, but most of my experiences with him are either bad or neutral, while there are so many people in my life that I’m having really a lot of good experiences with (and sadly also a few bad, but it happens and they surely experience this as well the other day around, but that’s okay). I think I wrote this last part down to let you know that it just isn’t that I needed to find a scapegoat for difficulties in my life, what people sometimes tend to do – I have lots of friends how help me out with other difficulties (or I just accept my feelings), but this feels just so complex that I lost sight over what I can do. Maybe letting him know that I don’t want to see him anymore for the rest of my life and thereby setting a healthy boundary so I don’t get affected in a bad way anymore? Because of circumstances I haven’t seen him for a while, and that helped let the feelings sink, but it all has come back.

  • Sen

    April 28th, 2023 at 5:39 AM

    I hate this girl so much from school. She’s annoying, competitive, comments randomly on everything and criticising every as though her rotten opinion matters. Gosh she truly disgusts me. I truly can’t deal with her type of person so I was happy about boundaries I saw I didn’t have to be involved with her in anyway so I was indifferent to her and was able to cope with her until she started crossing my boundaries and was suffocating me. Criticising my every step like she owned me. I just hate now so much. I just could not stop myself anymore.

  • Lesley

    May 26th, 2023 at 10:37 AM

    I have extreme antipathy towards a sibling who I tried to help or empathise with for decades.. she has been diagnosed as personality disordered borderline/ psychopathy but her actions are unremitting and often designed to cause upset and inflict pain. There are trails of bodies behind her. I’m a commited Christian and humanitarian but I’ve decided to go non contact because she is no longer aware of her actions ( heavy addicted to alcohol).. at a moments notice she will inflict drama, tell lies and steal. I’ve had to reconcile my own beliefs about acceptance and loving all people to managing the effect she has had on our daily lives. I wish her no harm and pray for her but I hate her actions. I also pray that she doesn’t inflict more damage onto innocent people. I would not say I hate her but I do not wish to be in her presence or influence anymore as it’s pervasive of spiritual malaise and malign intent?

  • City Gal

    October 9th, 2023 at 3:26 AM

    As a Christian and Humanitarian… someone has to be the peacemaker. Sadly we can’t help someone that can’t help themselves, as a blind person can’t lead a blind person. Moving forward and on protection of your peace and health, it’s best to keep distance.

  • City Gal

    October 9th, 2023 at 3:30 AM

    A blind person can’t lead a blind person, one has to protect their peace and joy, but do pray for their spirit.

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