You are what you eat, as the popular saying goes. And now a new study suggests that your diet as an infant may in fact determine how smart you will be when you grow older. The study, published in the European Journal of Epidemiology, found that infants who ate healthy foods had higher IQ scores by age 8 than those who ate less healthy foods. The study focused on diet at 6, 15, and 24 months of age. The researchers then followed up with subjects at age 8 years. A little over 7,000 children were included in the study.

The unhealthiest foods that led to an IQ of 1-2 points lower at all ages included “biscuits, chocolate, sweets, soda, [and] crisps,” according to the study abstract. Other types of food varied at different ages in how they impacted IQ scores. For example, at 6 months of age, a “breastfeeding pattern,” along with foods like “herbs, legumes, cheese, raw fruit and vegetables” at 15 and 24 months were linked to IQs about 1-2 points higher.

Foods such as “meat, cooked vegetables, [and] desserts” were found at 6 months to have a positive association with higher IQs, but this type of food style didn’t seem to have any associations with IQ at 15 and 24 months. Other types of foods seemed at first to negatively impact IQ but later appeared to increase IQ. For example, at 6 and 15 months of age, “ready-prepared baby foods” were found to negatively impact IQ to some extent, but at 24 months, “ready-to-eat foods” had a positive association with IQ.

“This study suggests that dietary patterns from 6 to 24 months may have a small but persistent effect on IQ at 8 years,” according to the study abstract.

Although lead researcher Lisa Smithers at the University of Adelaide stated in a media release that the IQ differences were not major, the study still suggests a need to put more emphasis on good nutrition at a young age.

This study is in no way isolated. Various other studies support a link between breastfeeding and IQ, as well as overall nutrition and IQ.

One 2011 study featured in a Scientific American article found that infants who were breastfed for more than 6 months had an average higher IQ of 3.8 points over infants who were bottlefed. However, the study suggests the IQ difference is not mainly due to nutrients in the milk but the closer biological interaction among infants and mothers during breastfeeding. This finding is further demonstrated by another study mentioned later in the article, where brain wave activity was recorded for bottlefed babies who fed on breast milk versus formula compared with breastfed babies. Out of the three groups, breastfed babies had different brain wave activity than both bottlefed groups, even though one bottlefed group still used breast milk.

Still more studies suggest that breastfeeding can enhance IQ. Research completed by Oxford University and Essex University “found that as little as four weeks of breastfeeding for a newborn baby has a significant effect on brain development, which persists until the child is at least 14 years old,” according to a ScienceDaily article. Researchers took into account other differences when comparing breastfed to non-breastfed children, such as mother’s age, marital status, job status, home situation, and education.

Various studies support a link between overall nutrition and IQ in children as well. For example, one study from 2011 suggests that young children who eat foods that are processed and are high in fats and sugars could have a lower IQ, whereas children who eat foods high in nutrients and vitamins tend to have a higher IQ, according to a PhysOrg article. Results seemed to show that diet was most important up until age 3 especially and that diet changes after age 3 didn’t impact IQ as much.

More research mentioned in a Mayo Clinic article links fish and omega-3 fatty acids to higher IQ in children as well. The research suggests that pregnant women with a higher intake of fish tend to have children with higher IQs, at least up until age 3. However, pregnant women also have to be aware of the mercury content in fish, because too much mercury could be harmful.

Nutrition and mental health experts have conflicting views when it comes to the newest study suggesting a link between consuming certain foods and increased IQ in infants.

Holly Stokes, a life coach and “the brain trainer,” said in an email that it’s important to take into account other factors that could have contributed to the higher IQs in the study as well. “It’s tempting to say that higher nutrition must then cause higher IQ,” Stokes said. “However, there could be other factors involved. For example, the IQ of the parents. It’s quite likely that the parents who are feeding their children better are better informed, maybe have researched on their own, and they themselves have a higher IQ than the parents who are not feeding their children as well. There is also some evidence to suggest that IQ has to do with socio-economic status as well.”

Scott Carroll, a psychiatrist with dual board certifications in adult and child and adolescent psychiatry and an assistant professor at the University of New Mexico School of Medicine, said in an email that this study brings up some important points about nutrition. “While 2 IQ points is actually within the usual standard error of most IQ tests, just the fact that you could demonstrate a statistically significant finding from rather minor dietary changes is a big deal,” Carroll said. “We certainly know that malnutrition has severe negative effects on IQ. The hard part about doing a study like this is that smarter parents often make healthier choices in food, which you have to statistically control for in this type of study.

“Statistically controlling for stuff like that often lowers the ‘effective result’ of the study,” he added. “Basically, if you took two high IQ families (IQ is highly genetic) with babies and fed them the two different diets with all other things being equal, you’d get a 2 IQ point difference on average. While that may not seem like much, as a soon to be parent (my wife is 4 months pregnant), we will be even more careful about feeding her the healthiest food possible.”

He said that since research already shows a link between a nutritious diet and good health, as well as a decrease in obesity, an increased IQ is just another benefit and does support an emphasis on certain food choices for infants. He has some suggestions about diet and lifestyle choices for parents and infants to ensure that their children have a healthy and growing IQ.

“Breastfeeding is clearly ideal for many reasons, but making sure mom is properly fed is important as well,” Carroll said. “Longer breastfeeding, up to 18 or more months even if the child does eat some solid foods, also helps. Key things for mom’s died include B vitamins, fish oil (must be mercury free since mercury is highly toxic), [and a] rich diet in terms of a variety of high quality fruits and vegetables. Limit the sugar content of their food. Personally, I strongly believe in eating organic even though the research on it is limited.”

“Other keys include having a secure attachment between the baby and primary caregiver, because insecure or disorganized attachment clearly affects the brain wiring in bad ways,” he added. “Having a stimulant-rich environment (bright colors, toys, etc.) and lots of time with parents with soothing verbal communication have also been scientifically shown to help.”

Lisa Hugh, a registered dietitian and mother of two boys under 3 years old (she breastfed both), said in an email that the IQ result alone isn’t enough to promote certain eating habits, but healthy eating has many other benefits as well.

“I don’t think a few IQ points alone is enough evidence to support one way of feeding,” Hugh said. “However, many studies (various sources and designs) indicate that healthy eating offers many benefits: brain size, vision development, acceptance of more tastes/textures, healthy body weight, better performance in school. All of these advantages together are reason to promote healthy eating.”

She has some diet suggestions for infants in order to promote higher IQs: “[Breastfeed] for as long as possible, minimize processed foods, give foods from all food groups (except in cases of allergy, illness, food sensitivities, food intolerances, cultural preferences, etc), give kids a variety of tastes/colors/textures/cups/plates/etc. to keep meals/food interesting and to expose them to different foods,” Hugh said. “Maintain a regular daily schedule as much as possible.”

“Each child/family/parent is unique,” she added. “There is no one absolute best way of feeding a child. Parents have to do what is best given their circumstances/needs.”

Related articles:
Patterns of Attachment
Welcome to Your Child’s Brain: Interview With Sandra Aamodt
Understanding Mental Health in Children

Adolescent girls are among the most vulnerable for issues that relate to body image. They are assaulted with unrealistic images and unachievable ideals from virtually every media outlet. Teen girls struggle to find their identity at a time when appearance often determines their social circle and affects their self-esteem. In fact, research shows that teen girls worry more about their bodies than they do about academics, family life, or any other stressors. Young women who develop unhealthy eating behaviors can find themselves in a lifelong battle of physical and mental distress. Eating and food issues can lead to other negative psychological problems such as depression, anxiety, or even suicidal ideation.

Kathryn E. Rayner of the Centre for Emotional Health of the Department of Psychology at Macquarie University in Australia recently led a study to explore how peer relationships affect eating and body image issues in young women. Social acceptance is critical to teens, so Rayner theorized that perhaps young women select their friends based on eating and body image similarities, or perhaps they shape their own perceptions and behaviors based on the friends in their social circle. Rayner examined selection versus socialization in a sample of 1,197 teen girls from nine separate high schools in Australia. The adolescents were assessed for bulimic and dieting patterns, body satisfaction, and peer relations over a period of three years.

The results of the study revealed some interesting trends. First, the participants tended to choose friends with similar body satisfaction/dissatisfaction levels and bulimic behaviors. However, they did not choose girls with similar dieting and eating patterns. The girls also chose to engage in friendships that were bidirectional and avoided one-sided friendships. Rayner discovered that the girls who dieted the least had more people who wanted to befriend them, while those with more depressed mood and overt dieting behaviors had fewer peers soliciting their friendship. Additionally, the girls in the study, although they selected girls with dissimilar behaviors from their own, did not change their own actions to model those of their friends. Rayner believes the results of her study shed new light on some of the factors that influence eating, dieting, and body image in girls at risk. She added, “These findings represent important building blocks in facilitating the formation of more effective prevention and intervention strategies.”

Reference:
Rayner, K. E., Schniering, C. A., Rapee, R. M., Taylor, A., Hutchinson, D. M. (2012). Adolescent girls’ friendship networks, body dissatisfaction, and disordered eating: Examining selection and socialization processes. Journal of Abnormal Psychology. Advance online publication. doi: 10.1037/a0029304

We are all familiar with the experience of good intentions having negative consequences. In my work as a therapist, I often encounter this phenomenon when I work with parents who, in their desire to make things better, easier, or less painful for their children, interfere with their child’s ability to develop the capacity to do for themselves. These are parents who feel an urgent need to fix their child’s problems. For the purpose of this discussion, “fixing” will refer to the intervening and usurping of problem-solving when one’s child experiences difficulty.

Gloria wanted to fix her daughter Alice’s feelings. She worried when Alice was unhappy, angry, upset, or had any feeling she felt caused discomfort for her child. For example, when Alice got frustrated and tearful when she practiced piano, Gloria suggested she stop her lessons. In therapy, Gloria told me how disturbing it was to her when Alice was upset. She recalled, “When Alice was an infant, I couldn’t stand to let her cry even for a minute. My heart felt like it would break. When Alice gets upset because I say ‘no’ to her, I always give in. I can’t stand it. It always seems like I’ve hurt her when I say ‘no.’” Gloria urgently needed Alice’s bad feelings to go away. What Gloria eventually came to understand was that what was urgent was that she, Gloria, be rid of her own uncomfortable feelings.

[fat_widget_right]Fred had a hard time when his fifth-grade son Eddie brought home average grades from school. He told me that he felt Eddie was much smarter than his grades showed, and he felt his job as a parent was to help him do better. This sounds like a responsible, caring parent talking. Unfortunately, Fred didn’t just provide some assistance so Eddie could do better, like going over his homework and helping him with his social studies projects. Rather, Fred intruded in what Eddie needed to do every day. For example, when Eddie was assigned to do a book report and make a diorama about the life of the protagonist, Fred read the book, bought supplies, outlined what should be in the diorama, and essentially did the project for Eddie. Eddie got an A, and Fred was thrilled!

While Fred’s intervention did fix Eddie’s grades, Eddie was given little opportunity to figure things out for himself. In therapy, Fred became aware that “this isn’t helping my son. I’m really scared that Eddie could follow in my footsteps and repeat my terrible academic failures.” As we focused on Fred’s anxiety around allowing Eddie to become a separate, self-confident individual with his own strengths and failures, Fred was increasingly able to talk with his son. He was able to encourage Eddie rather than take over his academic life.

Pam, a 29-year-old woman had difficulty dating and forming relationships. When she started therapy she told me that she didn’t have much trouble meeting men, but there was always some difficulty in the relationships, and they never got very far. As we explored her life and dating experiences, she explained that her biggest help was her father. She described him as exceptionally loving and caring and her “go-to” person when she had trouble in a relationship. She explained that a typical difficulty when she dated was that she would feel very hurt and upset when someone she dated didn’t call or text her quickly enough. Pam said, “When that happens, I call my father right away and I know he will comfort me. When I was a kid, he would do the same when a girlfriend hurt me. He gives me the same advice with guys as he did with those girls. He always says the same thing: ‘get rid of them—you don’t need people who hurt you in your life.’”

As we explored this dynamic further, it became evident that Pam’s well-intentioned father couldn’t bear witnessing Pam feeling hurt or upset. He would fix her relationships by encouraging her to get rid of the person who hurt her. This would not only alleviate Pam’s hurt but would take away the feelings he couldn’t tolerate. As a consequence, Pam had not developed the ability to manage her feelings and correctly judge how others were treating her. She had not learned how to deal interpersonally with another person in a relationship.

When parents can’t allow their children to struggle through problems and feelings, it is often because they, themselves, can’t tolerate how watching the struggle makes them feel. Some parents identify with their child. They recall their own feelings, like frustration or hurt or anger, and may assume that their child is experiencing what they experienced in that situation (although it may be a very different experience for the child). The desire to protect one’s child is necessary and desirable in a parent. But when the protection stems from the parents’ discomfort around their own feelings, it can create issues that impact the child’s development of self.

Children who are never allowed to cry, for example, may not learn how to soothe themselves. When children don’t learn how to self-soothe, they are frequently unable to cope with the normal stresses and frustrations of everyday life. Very often a parent’s worry about their child’s feelings can be communicated to the child. When a parent anxiously steps in to help or fix, the child may feel (consciously or unconsciously) that the parent doesn’t think the child has the capacity to work things out on his/her own. Children whose parents take over their work and do it for them are deprived of experiencing “I can do it.” Their ego enhancement, self-confidence, and self-esteem are interfered with. Parents who interrupt whenever a possible failure lurks do not prepare their children for success, because one must be able to tolerate failure in order to achieve success.

While there certainly are times when it is useful and wonderful to be there for your child and be helpful, the “fixer” parents described here did not help their children. They made themselves feel better. They may have made their children feel temporarily better: Eddie got his project done and got an A, and Pam felt reassured that she knew what to do when a date didn’t respond the way she wanted. Alice was relieved of her painful feelings, but didn’t develop the ability to cope. Not one of these children was helped toward developing a strong sense of competence or the ability to manage his or her feelings in the world.

Rather than extreme fixing, there are alternative behaviors when the urge to fix things for your children is present. Trying to address the problem with your child—rather than springing into action to help—can allow a child to feel like a participant, giving him or her a sense of self-esteem. Leaving space for a child to be uncomfortable communicates that you have faith that your child can find a way to figure out what he or she wants, and how to get it. It is important to communicate that it is okay to struggle, that it is a human experience that we all must learn to endure. It has to be okay to be uncertain and not know what results efforts will bring. Parents have to be able to tolerate their own anxiety and not jump in to solve their child’s problems. This allows the child to develop a healthy separate self and become a competent, assertive, and confident person in the world.

I was talking with a new client and he was telling me about his temper when he gets mad and what consequences he receives. As he was talking, he stated, “when I’m bad…” and continued the conversation about his consequences. When he was done, I asked if he thought he was a “bad” kid. He said no. I was glad to hear that because I think overall, we are inherently good. Yes, there are people out there who would fit more in the “bad” category, but that is not what is being addressed.

As parents and disciplinarians, we try to shape our kids to make wise decisions so the negative consequences can be few or needed when necessary. When a kid gets angry and has tantrums and it happens over and over, it can be very frustrating to deal with. When the kid understands the consequence of his behavior but continues to still get angry and throw tantrums, parents may not be sure of what else to do. Parents slip. Teachers slip. The slip is telling the child that he is “bad” even though the behavior that he is doing may be more the focus of “bad.” I do not think that parents or even teachers slip on purpose and telling the kid that he is “bad,” but we are human and make mistakes, and it happens. Repeating this slip impacts the child’s self esteem. Over time, these children may see themselves as “bad” because they keep repeating the “bad” behavior, receiving the consequence, and having parents become frustrated, and a negative self-image begins to form. I know that is not what we as parents want for our kids. We want them to have a good sense of self and know what is “bad” behavior. So, how can this happen?

Here’s an idea: How about getting away from “bad” and “good” behavior. I know it’s hard to do because “good” and “bad” has been around for a very long time; it’s habitual and creating a newer way can be difficult.

What I am suggesting is to name what is “bad.” For example, your child is hitting a younger sibling because the sibling did not want to share a toy with the child. Instead of saying, “that’s bad,” point out that “hitting is bad.” Tell the child, “It’s not okay to hit when you are angry.” When we point out the behavior that is not okay, it helps us to not get into the “good” versus “bad” cycle. Another example: When your child is sitting on the floor and waiting patiently and you tell him “good boy.” Point out the WHAT that he is doing: sitting and waiting patiently. When he knows what he is doing that makes him a “good” boy, he will be able to associate that behavior in other areas and he will know he is doing well.

Objectifying the behavior takes away the “good” or “bad” titles, which decreases the opportunities for us parents to accidentally say that the child is “bad.”

Remember when your child was a baby and you were telling him what type of person he was going to grow up to be? If not, it’s okay. What I am getting at is when a kid is younger, parents may encourage the child a little more than at an older age. We encourage young children to try new foods, feed themselves, and use utensils, and we teach/show them how to do it then praise them for what they learned, even if it may not turn out well. Somehow as the child ages, the cycle of “good” or “bad” begins or replaces the encouraging aspect of parenting. Yes, kids do need to know right from wrong AND they still need to know that they are capable of doing great things.

Objectifying the behavior can help start a different way of helping your child to know how to make healthy choices. Continuing to encourage your child to try new things or to keep trying something can also help. Asking children what they think about their behavior and maybe what they could have done instead to not receive a consequence can also help. The asking can help your child learn how to see the cause and effect of a particular behavior. This can be a great learning and shaping tool for preparing the child to see more cause and effect as he or she ages and matures. Reminding the child that he or she is a wonderful child, has great possibilities, and is loved unconditionally can also reinforce a positive sense of self, regardless of whether the child has made a mistake or chooses wisely.

The goal of parenting is to help shape a child to have a good sense of self, to know how to behave appropriately, and to be able to self correct or recognize when he or she does not make a good choice. When the “bad” behavior is directly addressed, it takes away from parents accidentally slipping and saying that the child is “bad” when the focus needs to be more on the actual behavior.

It takes awareness and practice to create a new way of responding. Hopefully, this article will enlighten and small steps can be made to get out of the good/bad cycle and help the child to still have a good sense of self, even when he or she makes a poor choice.

Related articles:
Temper Tantrum Behaviors
Building Self-Confidence From the Ground Up
Adolescent Consequences, 100% Natural and Organic!

“It is so difficult to put the complexities of the trauma recovery process into words—artwork does this much better!” – Joan Turkus, M.D.

Posttraumatic stress (PTSD) is a condition that is, unfortunately, quite common in modern society. Statistics show that 70% of adults in the United States have experienced some form of traumatic event at some time in their lives and that up to 20% of this population will go on to develop PTSD. If you have undergone trauma, you are not alone. While many forms of therapy continue to emerge to treat those who have experienced trauma, art therapy is one that has been proven by a number of studies to be effective in dealing with the aftereffects of trauma. Whether you are a survivor of abuse, war, natural disaster, or another traumatic event, art therapy will likely be able to help you heal.

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Breaking the Silence

A common occurrence after a person has experienced trauma is a hesitancy or inability to discuss the incident out loud or verbally, even with a professional therapist. Repressing all thoughts and feelings is one reason this can happen. In expressive arts therapy, words are not necessary; much can be achieved without them. Expressive arts therapy moves the client and therapist from the traditional talk therapy roles and into a process that may be less provocative. The medium serves as a bridge between you and the therapist, allowing exploration to occur at a comfortable pace.

Each medium is carefully selected by the therapist to support giving voice to your experience. You don’t have to strain to say the right thing; the medium can speak for you and act as a support for your experience. Some emotions may be better expressed through art than through verbal language anyway. While you may not be able to put what you feel into words, viewing your work in front of you is something else entirely—something that can lead to your healing.

Journey to the Unconscious

Repression, or the brain’s attempt to send difficult thoughts straight into the unconscious, supports clients in handling their trauma. This phenomenon is observed frequently in trauma victims, who claim to have no recollections of the disturbing events. Many experts view art therapy as a way to tap into these unconscious thoughts and memories and bring them to the surface, so that individuals can heal and reconcile them.

You’re probably familiar with the left-brain and right-brain theory, which has been common knowledge among the general public for quite some time now. The act of creative expression utilizes the right-brain hemisphere. What’s interesting is that the right brain is also where visual memories are stored. Many theorize that the two are therefore very closely linked and that this is one of the reasons that art therapy has been so successful at uncovering repressed, unconscious images.

Helping Children Heal

Although art therapy has been proven to be a successful treatment for people of all ages, research shows that it has been particularly effective in the treatment of children. Various developmental theories claim that children do not fully develop verbal skills until adolescence, and it is therefore no surprise that your child may better respond to a creative outlet for self-expression than a chat with a therapist.

Seeking the right treatment for you or your child following a trauma is often frustrating, particularly when you do not know where to turn. While it is important to read about all of your options, if you or your child has experienced any form of trauma, then art therapy may be helpful.

References:

1. Art therapy. (2011). Retrieved July 15, 2012, from Trauma Recovery Center: http://www.traumarecoverycenter.com/art_therapy.html
2. Art therapy. (n.d.). Retrieved July 15, 2012, from Casa Palmera: http://www.casapalmera.com/articles/art-therapy/
   Art therapy what is it? (n.d.). Retrieved July 15, 2012, from CRC Health Group: http://www.crchealth.com/types-of-therapy/what-is-art-therapy/
3. Clatch, M. (2012, January 1). Trauma recovery through art and play therapy. Retrieved July 15, 2012, from Courage to Connect Therapeutic Center: http://www.couragetoconnecttherapy.com/trauma-recovery-through-art-and-play-therapy
4. Malchiodi, C. (2012, February 22). Art therapy shows promise in treatment of PTSD & trauma. Retrieved July 15, 2012, from Art Therapy: http://www.arttherapyblog.com/ptsd/ptsd-treatment-showing-promise/#more-26
5. Malchiodi, C. (2012, March 6). Trauma-informed expressive arts therapy. Retrieved July 15, 2012, from Psychology Today: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-healing-arts/201203/trauma-informed-expressive-arts-therapy
6. Rosenthal, M. (n.d.). PTSD statistics. Retrieved July 15, 2012, from Heal My PTSD: http://healmyptsd.com/education/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-statistics

How many times have you found yourself in the situation of being worried or anxious about sharing a part of yourself with others? Too often we’re forced to choose one part of ourselves that we want to share over another part that might be equally as important. This can be extreme or subtle.

For example, teenagers who are both gay and Christian might feel like they can’t be both at the same time. These conflicting identities create a bind for them. At church the young person might be given a very direct message that being gay is wrong. For these teens they know that if they want to celebrate their Christianity with their community, they need to pretend to be straight. Gay community can be equally as complicated. After years of oppression from churches many people who are gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, or queer have struggled with Christianity. In this situation these teens might not feel able to express their strong religious beliefs within the gay community. For them, there is no place where they feel totally accepted, totally themselves. This example of split identities is very clear; however, sometimes the ways in which we’re forced to hide parts of ourselves is much more subtle.

In my work, I frequently find men who are struggling with a conflict of identity around gender and gender role. What happens when a straight man has interests or beliefs that are labeled as feminine? For example, if he doesn’t want to fight or he prefers conversations with women over watching sports with men. In our culture there is an assumption that men are going to act masculine. Often men are forced to hide parts of their identity that are not seen as masculine enough. This identity bind is much more subtle but still painful.

We face situations like these every day. Our identities have many facets including our ethnicity, race, religion, and sexual orientation as well as other ways we define ourselves, such as pacifist, good listener, or caregiver. Each of us has parts of our identities that we feel comfortable sharing with strangers and other parts that we only want to share with friends. There are things we are proud of and things we are ashamed of. Our identities are multidimensional; they have many layers and many meanings. Sometimes these identities are hierarchical, and one identity may be more important than all of the others. Understanding what our own multidimensional identity looks like can help us in those moments when not sharing our full self makes us feel invisible.

How do you introduce yourself to someone new after you tell them your name? In the United States we often use our professions to describe who we are to other people, “I’m a teacher/lawyer/electrician/therapist/writer.” As a culture we put a lot of value on employment and jobs, so much that sometimes our jobs become our identities. If you could describe yourself to a stranger as something other than your occupation, what would it be? Maybe it would be a description of an important relationship, such as “I’m a dad/mom/sister/uncle/grandma.” These are only two ways in which we might identify ourselves.

Take a moment and list the first five of your identities that you can think of. What made the top five? Are you surprised at any of the ones that are there? Are there any identities missing that you wish were on that top five list? And are there any identities on your list that you have felt you need to hide?

Being proud of ourselves is often much harder than it sounds. We live in a world filled with expectations, some spoken and some unspoken. But just because a part of our identity can’t be seen does not mean that it’s not there. It does mean that you might have to work a little bit harder to give it it’s time in the sun—to find a safe space to share the parts of you that feel invisible. Finding these spaces is an important step towards integrating our identities and feeling whole.

Related articles:
Gender Rules: How Does That Make You Feel?
Learning How to Support Gay Students
The Tiger Hunter

Play is an important part of a child’s development. It enables them to engage creativity and learn necessary social skills. Children are often introduced to concepts like sharing, taking turns, and working together when they participate in group play. This critical time of development allows children to learn how to practice patience, empathy, and other necessary social skills. Although the research on play has demonstrated the many benefits, such as creativity and emotional maturity, few studies have looked at how creativity exhibited through play affects storytelling and divergent thinking, two aspects that further emotional regulation and enhance psychological development.

To address this, Jessica Hoffman and Sandra Russ of the Department of Psychology at Case Western Reserve University conducted a study involving 61 young girls in kindergarten through fourth grade. The team used the Affect in Play Scale to assess the girls’ mood processes and cognitive behaviors as they construed narratives. The researchers also relied on parent reports to measure emotional regulation and evaluated the girls for divergent thinking abilities throughout the task. They found the pretend play allowed the girls to express creativity that directly increased their divergent thinking abilities. The creative play enhanced storytelling skills of the participants and allowed them to express high levels of emotional regulation. The team also explored how executive functioning was affected by creative play but found no relationship.

Hoffman noted that the participants in this study were typically performing young girls and believes that additional research on clinical and nonclinical participants would further add to the limited literature on the many positive influences of pretend play. She said, “Overall, results of this study are promising with regards to the associations between pretend play and other important life skills for children.” With play therapy and other creative approaches receiving more attention in recent years, understanding the forces behind these often successful treatment methods is vital for clinicians interested in using these techniques.

Reference:
Hoffan, J., Russ, S. (2012). Pretend play, creativity, and emotion regulation in children. Psychology of Aesthetics, Creativity and the Arts 6.2, 175-184.

“Shy is the most terrible feeling that you can get.”

“Shyness is a habit that began when someone was afraid to talk and didn’t know what to do. Sometimes shyness can make us seem boring.”

“If I say the wrong thing, I shy to say something again.”

“I am shy because I’m afraid that people will laugh at me. If someone laughs at me, I will feel afraid, shy and I think I did something wrong.” (Other fears are “teasing and whispering.)

“I hope I can get rid of shy, but it’s really hard.”

“I want to be less shy because I don’t want always to be a shy girl, and I want to be a good, smart, and brave girl.”

These words come from the students in my sixth grade English-as-a-second-language classroom in Central Kalimantan, Indonesia. We were talking about “shy” because all of them worry about being laughed at or being wrong or not good enough. One student covers his mouth when he can’t think of what to say or is too shy to say it. Another student speaks so softly that I we have to read her lips to understand. Over the semester the things that seem to help the most are: “Would you like us to come back to you?” “Would you like a little help?” “Maybe you could write it for me,” saying in a playful, singsong voice, “Just a little bit louder and a little bit slower.” Sometimes I say, “Did you understand?” If the others shake their heads, I ask, “Would you like to?” When they nod yes, I say, “So could you say it again, please?”

Still, after some months their shyness was still interfering with speaking and learning. I knew that what they were thinking and feeling was so much greater than what they could say aloud. As the above sentences show, their writing was more revealing than their words. However, one of our major class goals is to increase confidence and fluency in speaking English.

One day, the other sixth grade teacher unexpectedly had to leave, so class expanded to 12 students. We began with the “yes, and” game in which one person begins a story and then turns to the student next to him who says, “yes, and” and then continues the story. When a student was shy and couldn’t think what to say, the other students laughed. It seemed like “release of anxiety laugh” rather than a mean laugh, but it was laughter—just what these students are most afraid of. We finished the first round of the story.

“So, some of you felt shy.” (Heads nod.) “In class Six A, we have talked about when you are shy you are most afraid of being laughed at, right?” (Heads nod again.) “So how many of you felt shy?” (Most hands go up.) “How many of you are afraid of being laughed at?” (Most hands.) “How many of you laughed?” (Most hands.) “What kind of laughter was it?” “Just teasing, not mean,” answered one student as the others nodded. “So, let’s try an experiment. In the next story, let’s make an agreement that no one will laugh. Okay?” To my amazement, during the next round of a new story, some of the students were slow, but all spoke, we heard all of them, and no one laughed. (Two students did begin to laugh out of habit but caught themselves and stopped.) “So, what did you notice?” “We didn’t laugh.” “Right.” “What else did you notice?” “We hear everyone.” “Yes. So, it seems that when you are not afraid of being laughed at, you don’t feel and act so shy.” They nod.

In our next class, we talked some more. “What are you imagining that the others are thinking when they are laughing at you?” “You’re not good enough. You’re a fool. You’re bad.” “No wonder you don’t want to talk,” I said. “How scary. So, when you’re laughing, what are you thinking?” “Not mean things, Bu.” One brave student said, “I’m laughing because I’m glad it’s not me.” Another said, “I’m laughing to be friendly because the silence feels bad.” Another brave student: “Sometimes I am thinking they are not smart, but even if I’m thinking that, I don’t have to laugh.”

“So, let’s make a picture of this. Action 1: You are feeling shy and are having a hard time speaking. Step 2: Others laugh. Step 3: You think they are thinking one of these things:

(Here we listed all their thoughts and then rated them in this order. ‘I’m not good enough.’ (All the students named this one.) ‘I’m bad. I’m a fool. They hate me. I’m wrong.’ Step 4: You feel even more shy. Step 5: Others laugh . . . . So, it just goes on and on, maybe even getting worse. Does that seem right?” (Heads nod.)

Interestingly, in Indonesian, the word shy (malu) is also a word for shame. And, indeed, shy and shame feel like cousins to me. Cousins with a big difference. Shy is a normal feeling and results in behavior that can be changed. Shame is an intense and irreparable feeling of core inadequacy, badness, or unworthiness; one is forever doomed. The impact of shame is secrecy, disconnection, and an inability to assess reality. Shame: I AM not good enough. I AM unlikeable. I AM a fool. I AM a mistake. Shy: I don’t feel good enough. I feel disliked. I feel like a fool. I made a mistake.

I explained this difference to the students and we talked about how most of the time they are making up what the others are thinking and it is not at all true. “Oh, I understand. Yes, I’m making it up.” We translated the shame ideas to shy ideas. I AM not a good enough person became I’m feeling not good enough right now. I AM bad became I’m feeling bad right now. I AM a fool became I’m feeling foolish. They hate me became sometimes I don’t feel like people like me. I AM wrong became I made a mistake. They tried out feeling what the difference was between the sentences on each side of the big sheet of paper. Then I whispered in each student’s ear: “You’re good enough even when you feel shy.” Each one shyly smiled.

Back to writing. “Please write about shy again.”

“I’m not shy when I really know about the other person.”

“If I get shy or say the wrong thing, I want my friends are not laughing at me, but they can help me.”

“Stop caring too much about what the other people thinks about you.”

“The best way to not be shy is to be brave and try to do that thing even if you are shy.”

“I’m not shy when someone make me confident.”

“When I’m not shy, I feel like a hero because I’m brave.”

This was a heroic topic for this group of students to explore. During the next week, we tried a few things that I found on the internet to help with shyness. For example, appreciating yourself, breathing from your belly, moving your body, imagining yourself as confident and happy, getting more comfortable with making mistakes, remembering that everyone feels shy sometimes, noticing and writing down your successes.

Now, at the end of the semester, all the students except one, by their own assessment, feel more fluent and confident speaking in English. All of them still are slow to speak in English sometimes. They’re still afraid of not doing well enough sometimes. But they know the difference between, “I don’t feel good enough right now and I’M NOT GOOD ENOUGH and the difference between, “I made a mistake, and I AM A MISTAKE.”

Shame, the cousin of shyness, is a right use of power issue because the feeling is so intense and feels so irreparable that it disconnects people from relationships, disempowers them, and removes their ability to assess reality. When activated by shame, people are out of relationship with others. When out of relationship with others, and unable to assess reality, people misuse their personal and positional power in ways that harm themselves or those around them or in their care. Understanding the dynamic of shame and helping yourself and others disengage from it are high priorities for using power wisely and well.

Related articles:
Shame as an Ethics Issue – Part III
Don’t Underestimate Me: Ethical Use of Power for and With Children
Excessive Impression Management and Interference With Identity

I am frequently asked what the best complementary or alternative therapies for kids are. This is a broad and potentially complex question, with appropriate courses of treatment depending on both on the child’s struggles and the balance of safety and efficacy of the therapy being considered. Eventually, many parents eventually find a complementary or alternative medicine (CAM) therapy that feels right for their child.

The most recent data from the National Center for Complementary and Alternative Medicine (NCCAM) found that 12% of the 9,000 children surveyed in 2007 had used some form of CAM during the previous year. CAM use typically ranges from providing remedies in lieu of medical treatments—such as using a homeopathic flu remedy instead of a prescription—to using CAM in conjunction with conventional remedies. The latter can be as simple as giving a child a zinc lozenge or tea with honey in addition to the antibiotics a doctor prescribes when a child has a sore throat or throat infection. Another example is when a child has been diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), and his or her parents employ dietary changes even if the child is also receiving medication or psychotherapy. CAM therapies are often used to help children manage symptoms of chronic pain conditions or notable anxiety, ideally in combination with psychotherapy (and appropriate medical care, if this is indicated).

Remembering Developmental Differences

A point NCCAM emphasizes is that children are not merely smaller versions of adults. Similarly, more studies have been conducted regarding the effects of many CAM therapies on adults, although there is a growing body of research on CAM with children. Thus, what may be considered an appropriate CAM therapy or dose of therapy for an adult is not necessarily what we can recommend for a child.

That being said, there are a number of treatments that are considered generally safe for children, particularly when provided or informed by appropriately trained professionals. My favorites are listed here. I chose to emphasize non-oral intake therapies, although at times these may also be appropriate.

1. Guided imagery or self-hypnosis can be helpful for managing mood symptoms, pain and itching, sleep difficulties, and nausea.
2. Mindfulness or other types of meditation can aid in improving mood, pain, itching, sleep, nausea, and concentration.
3. Aromatherapy can help reduce anxiety and enhance feelings of calm, especially when paired with other therapies, including cognitive behavioral therapy, meditation, imagery/hypnosis, or massage.
4. Movement therapies, such as yoga, dance therapy, or tai chi can increase a child’s feelings of mastery, discharge excess physical tension, provide focus, and improve mood.
5. Massage  decreases muscle tension or soreness and increases relaxation.
6. Energy therapies, such as Reiki or therapeutic touch, may help increase calmness and decrease stress. These may also help with some physical discomforts.
7. Art therapy can help children cope with change, shed light on emotions and concerns that they may have trouble verbalizing, and reinforce healing images created during guided imagery and hypnosis.
8. Homeopathy is gently calming and is reported to help with fears, anxiety, and tantrums. There is less data on this therapy, but it is generally considered to be safe.
9. Diluted ginger tea can help with upset stomach/nausea.
10. Dietary changes, which may include eliminating processed foods, caffeine, or sugar and emphasizing whole grains, fruits, vegetables, legumes, and healthy sources of protein, are health-supportive overall, and some parents report improved mood, sleep, and concentration when processed foods are limited or eliminated.

One common theme that runs through most of the therapies listed above is that they help children to feel calmer. Some of the approaches provide children with tools to help them directly impact how they feel via what they do (movement therapies, imagery/hypnosis, meditation, art), which enhances children’s feelings of mastery and control. All of these approaches require at least initial participation and monitoring from parents—a key ingredient in helping children to feel safe, loved, and supported.

As always, it is essential to keep healthcare providers in the loop when using CAM therapies with children, particularly with those who have a medical or psychological illness.

Modeling Emotional Intelligence

Finally, if I were to add a number 11 to the list, it would be to emphasize that children pick up on and are undoubtedly affected by their parents’ moods. It is essential for parents dealing with anxiety, depression, or other psychological challenges to obtain appropriate treatment. Doing so helps parents feel better, enhances their ability to cope with the many demands of parenting, and teaches children about the value of self-care. Furthermore, emotionally healthy parents tend to parent more effectively, which also reduces children’s feelings of anxiety and depression.

Resources:

• National Center for Complementary and Alternative Medicine: CAM Use and Children
• Columbia University’s Integrative Therapies Program for Children with Cancer: A leading program that emphasizes both research and clinical practice. Their website contains a wealth of information about a variety of therapies, as well as helpful links.
• This article details an integrative (CAM) treatment of pediatric pain and itch (pruritus) with a seven year-old girl:
  • Stein, T. R., Sonty, N., and Saroyan, J. M. (2012). “Scratching” beneath the surface: An integrative psychosocial approach to pediatric pruritus and pain. Child Clinical Psychology and Psychiatry, 17(1), 33-47.

Most parents don’t need an expert or a study to tell them what they already know: kids get more homework now than they ever have before, with many high schoolers getting as many as seven or eight hours of homework a night. Most parents are as overwhelmed by homework as their children are and constantly struggle to create incentives for their children to complete their piles of homework. Many parents believe they’re fighting this homework battle to ensure a quality education for their children, but the truth is that there’s little evidence that excessive homework helps children learn. Indeed, evidence is rapidly amassing that overworking children interferes with their ability to learn.

Understanding Learning

Our brains are programmed to learn things that are interesting to us and relevant to our lives. You’re more likely, for example, to remember where the aggressive dog who always chases children lives than you are to remember the color pattern on your neighbor’s shirt. Children in particular are primed to learn things that help them better function in their environment. Unfortunately, homework doesn’t pass this test. The overwhelming majority of homework assignments force children to sit down and memorize facts rather than experience their world. Not only does this make information more difficult to learn; it can also decrease your child’s motivation to learn. When learning is made miserable, children associate the thing they’re learning with misery and want to avoid it. This is why tactics such as forced silent reading time or flashcards rarely help children learn math and vocabulary.

The Stressed Brain

Even when homework is well-designed and does foster learning, too much of it can be damaging. Children who have more than one hour of homework each night overwhelmingly report that they feel stressed about their ability to complete their work. Over time, this stress can create real problems for a developing brain. When we are under stress, the brain produces cortisol, which lowers immune function and processing speed. On a short-term basis, cortisol can help us deal with stress. But when the brain is constantly releasing cortisol, development and learning can slow. This is especially damaging for children, whose brains are rapidly laying down neural connections. Even more troubling, excessive doses of cortisol can damage the hippocampus, which plays an important role in memory, inhibition, and spatial reasoning.

Fewer Activities

The value of friendships, extracurricular activities, and relaxation time to children’s intellectual and emotional development has been extensively documented. When homework is overwhelming, however, children are less likely to have the opportunity to participate in these activities. Thus even a child who is left unfazed by excessive homework or who excels in school may suffer as a result of excessive homework because he’s unable to engage in the activities that can help him become a well-rounded adult.

A Better Approach to Homework

Homework can help bridge the gap between home and school, encourage independent learning, and give children who find school stressful an opportunity to learn at home. So what are the characteristics of “good” homework assignments? They include:

• Activities that encourage students to interact with their environment
• Activities that give students flexibility to focus on things they are interested in
• Activities that make learning relevant instead of flashcards and drills
• Reasonable amounts of time spent on homework—no more than one hour for young children and no more than two hours for high schoolers
• Activities that can be completed at home without substantial cost or the purchase of lots of supplies

When choosing a school or classroom for your child, ask about homework and advocate on your child’s behalf when homework becomes excessive. Your child’s stressed mind will thank you, and your child just may end up learning more.

References:

1. Gerhardt, S. (2004). Why love matters: How affection shapes a baby’s brain. New York, NY: Brunner-Routledge.
2. Harwood, R., Miller, S. A., Vasta, R. (2008). Child psychology: Development in a changing society. Hoboken, NJ: John Wiley & Sons.
3. Hirsh-Pasek, K., Golinkoff, R. M., Eyer, D. E. (2004). Einstein never used flash cards: How our children really learn–and why they need to play more and memorize less. Emmaus, PA: Rodale.

Children with social, emotional, and behavioral difficulties (SEBD) often exhibit speech, language, and communication needs (SLCN) as well. Clinicians and educators who work with these children have the challenge of identifying which type of treatments will best serve the needs of these special children. SEBD has been shown to be linked to communication deficits, but this relationship has not been fully explored. Gender, social conditions, intelligence, and relationship styles are factors that contribute to both SLCN and SEBD. Most children with these problems are not identified until they enter school, making the correlation between them more convoluted. For instance, executive function deficits may not be discovered until children enter school and exhibit symptoms of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). Other children may live with negative psychological and physical conditions such as abuse or neglect that can cause the children to stifle their communication, resulting in communication problems later on.

The most common type of treatment for SEBD is cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). In a recent analysis of existing research, James Law of the Institute of Health and Society at Newcastle University in the UK looked to see whether CBT was ever combined with communication therapy for children. He also studied the research on CBT outcomes in children with Asperger’s, autism, and anxiety to determine whether the therapy had any positive impact on communication skills. For his research, Law examined 19 separate studies that included data from 148 children with SEBD and SLCN.

Although Law did not isolate one particular CBT approach that would be most beneficial for these children, he did discover that variation in communication enhancement techniques had a positive impact. Specifically, more formal techniques appeared to help the children with autism spectrum issues the most, and naturalistic and educational approaches were identified as effective methods for children with mild communication and behavior problems. In conclusion, Law added, “The potential overlap between SLCN and SEBD needs to be widely recognized by practitioners, and the implications for practice of this overlap explored more fully.”

Reference:
Law, J., Plunkett, C. C., Stringer, H. (2012). Communication interventions and their impact on behaviour in the young child: A systematic review. Child Language Teaching and Therapy, 28.1, 7-23.

There are a number of different experiences that can cause a child to develop maladaptive coping tendencies. Children who are emotionally or physically abused, neglected, or raised in extremely stressful environments may internalize their emotions. Likewise, children who have experienced sexual abuse may dissociate as a way of defending themselves from the psychological harm that results from sexual abuse. Trauma suffered in childhood increases the risk for dissociative behaviors. Auditory hallucinations are one form of dissociation and are evident in individuals with mental illnesses such as schizophrenia. To better understand how childhood trauma, dissociation, and hallucinations are related, F. Varese of the School of Psychology at Bangor University in the United Kingdom recently led a study comparing the dissociative behaviors, childhood traumas, and cognitive discrimination of 45 individuals with schizophrenia and 20 participants with no prior hallucination history.

Because dissociation is recognized as a pathway for hallucinations and an outcome of childhoodtrauma, Varese sought to determine if the frequency and type of trauma influenced hallucinations and the capacity to determine real and imagined events in the participants. Using a signal detection performance task (SDT), Varese found that the participants with a history of childhood sexual abuse were the most likely to experience dissociative behaviors that resulted in hallucinations. The frequency of abuse was directly related to the level of dissociation, with the most severely abused participants exhibiting the highest levels of hallucinations. The findings also showed that the participants with infrequent hallucinations had lower levels of abuse and dissociation than those who experienced more hallucinations. Varese believes that further research is needed to determine if adult stress and trauma rather than childhood trauma contributed to the intermittent hallucinations in the participants with sporadic dissociative behaviors. In sum, these results suggest that a better comprehension of the type of abuse suffered may be the key to developing effective treatment strategies for individuals who experience hallucinations. Varese added, “Future research should examine whether other cognitive processes associated with both dissociative states and hallucinations (e.g., deficits in cognitive inhibition) may explain the relationship between dissociation and hallucinatory experiences.”

Reference:
Varese, F., Barkus, E., Bentall, R. P. (2012). Dissociation mediates the relationship between childhood trauma and hallucination-proneness. Psychological Medicine, 42.5, 1025-1036.