Compulsive lying describes a condition in which a person tells falsehoods out of habit, sometimes for no reason at all. It is also known as pathological lying, mythomania, and habitual lying.
A German physician named Dr. Delbruck first described the condition in 1891. Five of his patients had a habit of telling excessively large lies. He named their behavior pseudologia phantastica (spelled pseudologia fantastica in American English).
Symptoms of Pseudologia Fantastica
Many people are dishonest on occasion. Yet pathological liars tend to lie more frequently regardless of context.
Habitual lying often has the following traits:
- The lies are believable and may have truthful elements. A person who has the flu might tell co-workers the symptoms are in fact AIDS or some other serious illness.
- The lying continues for a long period of time and is not caused by some immediate pressure. A person who lies repeatedly about an affair would typically not qualify as a habitual liar, since the lies result from the desire to keep a secret.
- The lies tend to present the person lying in a positive light. A person is more likely to lie about having a Ph.D than claim they dropped out of high school.
- The lies have an internal—rather than external—motivation. A child with abusive parents might lie compulsively to avoid harm. These falsehoods would not be considered compulsive because the lying is motivated by an outside threat.
Before determining that someone is lying compulsively, clinicians will generally rule out other possible causes. Someone who has delusions or false memory syndrome is unlikely to qualify as a habitual liar. In general, a pathological liar must recognize they are saying something untrue.
Compulsive Lying vs. Pathological Lying
The terms “compulsive lying” and “pathological lying” are often used interchangeably. Medical literature currently does not differentiate between these terms. Yet there are professionals within the mental health community who classify the terms as subtly different conditions.
In this framework, compulsive lying is the habit of telling falsehoods uncontrollably. People in this category may be more comfortable telling lies than telling the truth. They may lie repeatedly about important as well as unimportant matters.
People who lie compulsively often have no ulterior motive. They may even tell lies which damage their own reputations. Even after their falsehoods have been exposed, people who lie compulsively may have difficulty admitting the truth.
Meanwhile, pathological lying often involves a clear motive. A person may lie to gain attention or admiration. Other lies may be designed to garner pity or help from others. Even self-harming lies may provide some form of internal gratification.
People who lie pathologically may mix falsehoods with the truth to make their lies more credible. As such, pathological lying is often considered a subtler form of manipulation than compulsive lying.
What Causes Compulsive Lying?
Psychologists disagree whether compulsive lying can stand alone as its own diagnosis. Currently, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) does not recognize it as a separate mental health condition. Yet compulsive lying does appear as a symptom of several larger conditions.
Compulsive lying may be a symptom of:
- Attention deficit hyperactivity (ADHD)
- Impulse control issues
- Substance dependency
- Borderline personality
- Narcissistic personality
Compulsive lying rarely indicates psychosis. People who lie compulsively can often identify their accounts as lies. Thus, they are not distanced from reality.
Some psychologists believe a person’s environment plays a large role in compulsive lying. A person may live in a context where deception creates advantages. If a community does not assign firm or consistent consequences for lying, a person may believe the benefits of lying outweigh the risks. Lies might also be a coping mechanism for low self-esteem or past trauma.
Despite these short-term benefits, compulsive lying often backfires in the long run. A habitual liar may feel extreme stress from keeping track of their falsehoods. They may struggle to live up to their own claims. If their lies are exposed, their relationships will likely grow strained. In some cases, they may face legal consequences.
Treatment for Compulsive Lying
People who lie compulsively are encouraged to seek the help of a qualified therapist. A therapist can help habitual liars understand their condition and the way it affects other people. They may also reveal underlying diagnoses such as bipolar or ADHD. In these cases, a therapist will likely treat all a person’s issues in tandem.
When a person lies to their therapist, treatment can be difficult. Treatment tends to work best when the person in therapy acknowledges their condition. If the person is forced into therapy, they are unlikely to cooperate. Ideally, the person in therapy will believe help is necessary and make a sincere effort to change.
When a person lies to their therapist, treatment can be difficult. Even if the therapist catches a lie, the person may refuse to admit their dishonesty. This resistance serves as another differentiation between compulsive and pathological lying. In treating pathological lying, some therapists have found it beneficial to address the lying as an addiction.
Either group or individual sessions can be beneficial in treatment. When a person’s lying has interfered with personal or romantic relationships, couples counseling can also be helpful. Behavior modification strategies such as role playing may be used to promote change and gauge progress.
Compulsive lying can be a challenging condition. But with time and effort, it can be treated. If you would like help to stop lying, you can find a therapist here.
- American Psychological Association. APA concise dictionary of psychology. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association, 2009. Print.
- Birch, C. D., Kelln, B. R. C. & Aquino, E. P. B. (2006). A review and case report of pseudologia fantastica. The Journal of Forensic Psychiatry & Psychology, 17(2), 299-320.
- Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders: DSM-5. (5th ed.). (2013). Washington, D.C.: American Psychiatric Association.
- Dike, C. C. (2008, June 1). Pathological lying: symptom or disease. Retrieved from http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/articles/pathological-lying-symptom-or-disease
Last Updated: 05-8-2018
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Grady DixonJune 20th, 2015 at 4:56 PM
My girl friend grew up in a family where lying was a part of life. Her father was is politics which also included being state representative, states attorney, and having a private practice. All this after WWII where he claimed to be at the Nuremberg Trials, of which there is no evidence, and began his law practice in the State of Illinois. Illinois is one of the most politically corrupt states in the US. I have caught her in lie after lie. It seems she does this to make her seem much more intelligent than I. Any thoughts?
StaciMarch 22nd, 2017 at 1:02 PM
My girlfriend is the same way! We’ve been together 3 years and it’s ruining our relationship. I don’t trust her because of all the lies. Lies over big stuff and random stupid stuff. We had a good relationship but I second guess everything that comes out of her mouth. I don’t know if she should seek counseling alone or if we should do couples counseling. She admits that she lies even if she doesn’t admit to what it is she lies about and she has said she doesn’t know why she does it.
RyanlawMarch 25th, 2017 at 1:23 PM
Why are you choosing to stay with a woman you know you can’t trust? There are so many healthy loving single women who want a good man. Part of your girl’s therapy should be losing you. Consequences ofteb spark behavior changes. There is no motivation for her to stop lying, especially if she gets to keep you around to hear her long tales.
BrookeMarch 29th, 2017 at 7:52 PM
My husband is the same to a T! He lies about EVERYTHING,even after the lie is exposed..We’ve been married 10 years and have 8 children and his lies have ranged from telling ppl he has cancer to what he fed the kids for dinner..He lost his job of 15 years BC of his lies…Then the lies got worse…He said he got a new job,3rd shift and left every night to be at work at 10pm and came home by 8 am ,but when it came time for him to get a paycheck he had somany excuses of why he didn’t get paid like they didn’t do his time right or they forgot to do direct deposit so he had to pick up a paper check but they accidentally mailed it and it got lost in the mail etc…Come to find out ,he didn’t even have a job.period…He WS just lying constantly to everyone and it caused us to lose my job and we lost our home..We lost everything…He’s not a bad man and I don’t think he’s being melicious or purposely trying to hurt us,I just think he lies to save himself from disappointing us or from being embarrassed but I can’t take it anymore. I’ve cried and begged for him to just stop lying but he says he doesn’t even know why he lies so much ,so how do u help someone who doesn’t even know why they do what they do? He literally can’t tell the truth..About anything…The kids and I are the ones that suffer the consequences of his lies and I’m the one that has to fix all his mistakes and answer for his lies..He’s a coward, like a little child that’s scared of his shadow…I love him dearly and want to keep our marriage together, but something has got to give..I can’t mentally handle anymore
SashaMay 11th, 2017 at 10:39 AM
Ryanlaw, you are totally right. There is no point in being in a relationship with a pathological lier. I was in a relationship with a woman who had these problems and it ruined me totally in those two years when together. Problem was that I really loved her, really and totally. Red lights started to show after one year and then the second year I think I was like six, seven times already decided to finish with it, but LOVE dragged be back. But, eventually I crossed the line of no return, at the end it comes to that… it’s building inside and building, but at the end for the sake of my mental health I had to do it. Still miss her very much but I begged her more than 10 times to change that with or without my or other’s help. Being in a relationship with a pathological liar is a destructive thing, I wish that to nobody.
SethJuly 3rd, 2017 at 6:13 AM
My girl friend lies constantly a bout everything. Exspecially when it is something that will upset me. Even after i already know the truth she continues to lie. This in turn has caused alot of problems between us. I am right there on wits end trying to figure out what to do. Now i feel like it is at the point of no return cause i dont know that i can trust her. I think the only thing left to do is break up
Ed. R.September 17th, 2017 at 9:42 AM
After reading all the comments here I have a better understanding of compulsive lying. It started with the death of my father. I already had a step father and a mother who was suicidal all my life. I was 12 years old. Next was highschool graduation and my escape from home, or so I thought. College was in my sights but my step father insisted that I join the military. The Air Force and within the first year I began a lifetime of escape from childhood. I figured no one knew me so I could create any past life I wanted. This has continued to date. My lies have never been for profit or to take away from anyone, rather to run as far from the truth as possible and now I have lost a partner of 10 years. I created an identity of a happy and stable family life that through social media and the internet was exposed by partner in anger and has labeled my not only a liar but a pedophile, thief among others. I was our sole financial bread winner, at times holding down 3 jobs because my partner didn’t work. The few sentences I have shared with you here are only a fraction of my story. I am seeking out help through the VA and have accepted that what my partner is doing through social media is what I deserve. I am a liar, but not any of the other things he has branded me with. Thank you for reading.
Penelope T BNovember 13th, 2017 at 9:02 AM
Like it says in the article, it might be a way of making a “new life” Me and my boyfriend of 9 months had just broke up because I had created this personna to try and cover up my oh so boring life. Your partner, friend, or family member needs closure. They need to know that they are perfect themselves, and you also need to get to the fact that they have a problem- but will fix it in order to keep the relationship. I, myself, say it is very “addicting” and is hard to stop. You just have to find the right reason to stop, and the results will come. I’m a very big christian gal, and so I pray for the strength to carry on, and I pray for all y’all having troubles too. Never give up, and it’s never to late to make a change.
KristieJanuary 1st, 2018 at 9:34 AM
I feel for you I’m going to the same thing. Four years of Non-Stop lying over everything. I used to just let a lot of it go till I found out he was talking to other girls behind my back. We were on the outs and I wasn’t really living here but he still couldn’t own up to it. I will give him evidence in black and white and he will still stand there and deny it. At first it was forgivable because he was just telling me what I wanted to hear, I thought. It’s just out of control now and I don’t know what to do. The worst part of everything is he gets so angry when he gets caught and his temper is just ridiculous. Have you gotten any help since you wrote this?
MiyabiJuly 3rd, 2017 at 1:54 PM
If you are dealing with other members in your family lying I have some tips if you want to help the get better. Sit down and help them understand they have a problem, but you will support them. If they don’t admit they have one that is a separate problem but if they do just say read a couple articles. And if you see them still lying don’t get mad or yell at them just show the benefits in your life of telling the truth and they will understand. Ask them tough questions that you think they usually lie about a couple times a week and see if they answer honestly, when they do reward them.
Jo W.November 16th, 2017 at 4:04 AM
Hi I saw in the comments something about getting someone else to ask you questions about something that they would normally lie about. It’s not something I do all the time or maybe it is but in my own head and about myself that no one else know abouts and that never gets voiced out of me. I want to know more tips on how to be come more honest with my wife and more importantly myself.
CdJanuary 1st, 2018 at 10:08 PM
I finally had enough. The pain that this person caused was all deliberate. Thinking back of all the events he knew hecwa going to lie so in order to get people to believe him he had to come up with ways to make his story seem true. He made up fake email accounts from people he worked with and also fake phone numbers. Everyone has paid the price for all his lies except him. He has stolen money and jewlery, company credit cards. You name it he did it. What’s worse is that he even hurt his own son. We had to cut him out of our lives and start fresh.
MicheleMarch 7th, 2018 at 6:47 PM
My Mother has a serious problem, I am the only person that has tried to confront & help her, therefor I am the only person she hates, because I know her best (she knows that) and she can’t stand to be confronted all the time. She tells big lies that hurt people, especially about myself. She has lost her relationships with two Husbands, myself & my Brother yet she lays the blame on everyone but herself. I have tried to understand, help, cover up for her, make excuses for her and I just can’t anymore. She is out of my life for good or until she agrees to get help.
Ann-MarieApril 22nd, 2018 at 8:06 PM
Hi, are you a therapist? Bi would really like some more information on what you said.
JasDecember 31st, 2018 at 7:18 PM
Brooke, I feel for you as I’m going through the simmiler things with my husband. He lies about stupid things such as my aunt called me or my sister called. While no one had called him. He even creates stories to entertain me with. He makes up a long story and try to make it real. At the end I check his phone to find out that no one had called him. We’ve been married for 6 years with 2 kids.
TomSeptember 25th, 2019 at 2:34 AM
Hey guys, I have always been one for telling white lies, never about anything substantial but that’s beside the point…a lie is a lie no matter how big. Recently they’ve been getting worse and more often. The most recent ones have been about finances. Me and my partner are in possibly the worst financial position we’ve ever been in so I find myself lying for 2 reasons; 1. Because I don’t want to disappoint her and I hate the confrontation and arguments the truth will bring. 2. I lie to buy myself time to fix things, such as I’ll say a bill has been paid when in actual fact I can’t afford to pay said bill before the next payday. She sees right through the lies now so when she suggests I’m lying to her, I apologise and admit the truth. Our relationship is on thin ice and I’m petrified of losing her but I just can’t help but lie; I don’t sit there and think about what I’m going to say to her, it just rolls off the tongue and I instantly regret it. My partners now at a stage where she can’t believe anything I tell her and she’s questioned everything I’ve ever told her, no matter how big or small. I’ve done this to myself and am willing to do whatever it takes to stop what Im doing so if anybody has any methods to help me deal with this burden I would be greatly appreciative.
Kirra M.V.November 17th, 2015 at 9:10 PM
Would it be normal for me, if I suffered from this, to be aware of this. I think I may suffer from this and it has ruined my life. I lie about everything, without meaning to. I have to keep it up, almost like a second life. I’ve gone too far to come clean now.
JohnDecember 12th, 2015 at 3:50 AM
You are not alone. It’s a prison. Self made. I have no answer on coming clean.
However, it is not too late to stop lying to yourself. At least then internally you are not a lie, even if externally other peoples perception of you is somewhat false. The worst thing that can happen is that you believe your own lies.
Try telling yourself the truth in the mirror. It helps sometimes.
Another trick I use when the urge to lie comes is to breath. Deeply in and out. And with the out breath expel the lie. It’s not real and nothing unreal belongs in your body, mind or soul.
Tee4533September 17th, 2016 at 7:25 PM
That’s John for your input.
HafsahMarch 13th, 2017 at 6:54 AM
I think i also suffer from this disorder, i am a teenager but i always let my imaginations run wild, i tell people things i imagine and thats how it goes on and on every passing day. I also keep imaginary friends, anybody who is doing that also?
DevonJuly 29th, 2017 at 8:42 PM
Thank you John for the help. I suffer from this and I am aware of it. I realize that my lying negatively affects those around me, also it Hurst my personal and work relationships. Its just that I do it subconsciously, almost like second nature or instinct. I think that I really need help but I dont know where to go to get it. People have tried helping me but every time it gets brought it isn’t long before something shoves it to thw back of my mind again. I am able to tell the truth sometimes but I have to make a conscious effort to do so. Its not even big things that I lie about its little stuff that doesnt even matter half the time. I really want to stop but for some reason I cant. The feedback on this page has helped some but it only tells me things that I’m already aware of.
DavidMay 15th, 2017 at 9:28 AM
I also live with this. It took an entire life change to finally adjust to living with it.
It started out as just stories when I was a child…it morphed into BS artist in my
teens, and I became a full blown pysciopath in my 20’s . Take a minute before you speak. Ask a stranger something arbitrary, and unimportant, fight the urge to respond with a lie.
If you can not, try, try again.
I think this is the first step…. admission, knowing you have this problem, but being unsure how to address it.
I’m 51 years old, and it has taken my entire life to “manage” it. I don’t think it ever goes away, and stress only worsens it. I would suggest you find one person that doesn’t know you at all, then restart your life with a clean slate. Find work that doesnt have human interaction. I became a trucker.
I wish you luck. If you are ever in need of a friend who understands…..
PS…David isn’t my real name
lindaOctober 3rd, 2017 at 8:52 PM
I wanted to answer your question about you having imaginary friends and it lead into why I am on the site. Hope it helps.
When I was in high school I started thinking about how interesting it would be to talk to characters from tv and books instead of real people. I always knew they weren’t real but I spent so much time imagining them that I preferred them to the people I knew or new people I would meet. I spent 16 years constantly wishing they were real. The thoughts stopped when I met my friend 8 months ago. And it turns out he is a compulsive liar.
Which is why I am here. I am not sure how long he has had this problem but I suspect he learned from his mentor and they have been lying so long it a normal thing. While my friend admits that his mentor is untrustworthy and that neither one of us should tell his mentor that we know what he has doing. The 3 of us are moving into a house together. His mentor uses his money as a way to control us and wants me and my friend to get married but we don’t feel that way about each other but my friend doesn’t think it’s a big deal. His mentor knew about more unhealthy relationships I have had in the past and then present. My friend said knew what his mentor was doing could emotionally damaging and he tell him to stop making me closer to him. When I realized how obvious my friend was to the fact of how dangerous this man’s lies and manipulations were I didn’t speak to them for over month.
Currently I am living with my friend and we are moving in with this other man in a month. During the time I wasn’t talking to them I had to suddenly move out of my roommates place in one day because she was overly attached to me. She saw me as a daughter who had been neglected and abused to the point of being suicidal. And I was inspirational because I not only survived but I am still an incredibly nice person who deserves to be protected from bad people who take advance of my kindness. Which is all true but even though she knew her suspicions about the mentor’s lies about my friend were right she was ok with me going back because the mentor loves me like a sister. But she wanted to kill him when she found out he owes me money. Then she threatened all three of us if I talked to them. I felt bad I couldn’t pay rent so moved back in with my parents’ hoarder house with my abusive father and my mom ( don’t get me started on her). After three weeks I realized I couldn’t survive at my parents house and just leave my friend he this man web. So I left my parent’s house when they were out town, went to his place, guessed his gate code and was sitting in front of his door waiting to talk to him. I told him somethings about how bad his mentor was but he blew me off. Since then I realized my friend’s lying is a compulsion. It is so bad he’s not even aware of some of the things he is saying. I am the only one in his life that not all knows the part of him that he hides from others, but also cares enough to help him by actually asking him what he wants out of life and not expecting money, sex, or constant attention from him in return. And he is trying to get me to hate him but it’s not sticking because he is not capable of doing anything that I could not forgive him for because I have through worse. Even with everything that has happen and everything he is just going to let happen to him, he’s still my favorite person in world. I would still prefer to be with him even if the good and bad people who claimed love to me were part of my life. Because he is at least trying to work on our relationship. He is trying to do the same thing for me that I am trying to for him.
Sorry that this turned more into a rant.
ChloeJuly 8th, 2017 at 11:30 AM
I feel the same why. I just don’t know why. ive ended up lying to my friends about big things its horrible I wish I could change all of my friends hate me now
LunaMarch 19th, 2019 at 6:30 PM
I felt the same way. I though I was never going to be able to come clean. I told my parents and everyone around me that I was going to school and created this false story that I even believed. I thought of killing myself before telling the truth. Today I told my girlfriend , she called me names , and couldn’t believe that this perfect person who she had spent the past 3 years with didn’t exist. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I feel free and I know I deserve another chance. I’m bad person.
sandyMarch 3rd, 2020 at 10:12 AM
you are not a bad person
JenniferJanuary 18th, 2016 at 4:45 PM
Well I’m glad I read this. I’ve been having a problem with it, as well. I’m starting to see a pattern though. Just wondering if anyone has any insight? I’m not going into too much detail, but the pattern goes like this: bad things happen, then things are finally OK, then I start compulsively lying during calm periods of my life, usually the lies are less brutal than the things that actually happened. I’m trying to understand myself but I don’t get it, I’m not like this :(
KayleeFebruary 27th, 2017 at 8:12 PM
I have this same problem and I’m only 17 I just dont know what to do
DayaMarch 21st, 2017 at 8:09 PM
So am I and it had taken a toll on my life that I never expected it to….
DavidMay 15th, 2017 at 9:53 AM
I am a 51 year old man, and I struggled with this my entire life.
I think you have the “coping” version of
this disorder. Lies not meant to cover up something, or about really important things, but rather to paint a rosy picture… Is that you?
Not trying to hurt anyone, not even trying to better yourself, just trying to get comfortable being you.
Stress, mockery, shaming, outing, and abandonment are all the first responses. Mistrust, ignoring, and cast away are right behind. I had to change my ENTIRE life to change myself.
New state, New friends, everything…
Stumbled a lot, fell down a bunch too, but I kept trying. Start slowly…
ask a total stranger something you already know. Listen and watch…
You will soon see that you are not alone. You must find a few people to trust, keep them separate, and tell each of them one true thing, but never the whole story… The hardest thing I’ve ever done, is explain this to my son.
He also has this disorder.
If you ever need a friend that truly understands, contact me.
PS…my real name isn’t David
sarahJune 2nd, 2017 at 3:39 AM
David unknown name* please email me. Id like to speak to you. My life ruined because of my lies. 27 going on 50 and every time i start over i ruin it. I trust noone and stress and anxiety just make the lies worse. I dont knw where to begin or start. Literally and seriously.
GemmaJune 21st, 2017 at 1:30 PM
Hi, I am the same, I get stressed or lonely I lie
KenJuly 24th, 2017 at 2:38 PM
I so get it. I’m 46 & wrecking my life. Have been for years. I lie to embellish my life & self but also to cover my tracks for responsibilities I avoid & hate myself for avoiding fear the consequences of the truth being found out. I have no kids or partner. My long term relationships years ago were ruined by my lies. I have had alcoholism & addiction problems that I have made true progress with. I don’t drink or do drugs anymore & haven’t for 10 years but I still have great difficulty meeting my responsibilities like an adult, & I need to be honest about this with people who matter to me & who are my supports in addiction recovery etc, but I’ve been lying to them so long about things that matter, that I’m scared to own up to them. I hate the coward I am for it. I’m right about to lose my job that I desperately need because of having awful attendance for true my ages now. My employer’s have been so patient with me, (a government job) but they’re over it now. Often I just won’t go to work but ring in sick instead, when I’m not really sick, because I don’t want to face going in. I can’t seem to sleep at night, though I don’t try hard enough, & then I feel too tired & this goes on for long stretches of time. See what I mean about not meeting my responsibilities? I don’t believe I suffer from genuine depression although that’s one of the main excuses I make up. I hate this cycle. I need to find courage.
SansiAugust 7th, 2017 at 11:26 PM
I am also suffering from this disorder or not! I don’t know, but I have a habit of telling too much lying. Because I don’t want to hurt anyone, I like to show the people that I respect their thinking ( but I don’t). In my childhood my father used to abuse me for a very little mistakes which may be normal for the other kids or children.so from there, i started to tell a lie, but I didn’t know that it will become my habit one day, and now I am breaked from inside. Today for a very tiny things I tell lie. But I don’t want it. This habit of lying is fucking my soul from inside. be a lier is great sin than be a bad person. And I am a sinfull person, I don’t know what the punishment is decided for me in the Justice of God.
MaechOctober 10th, 2017 at 8:02 PM
Im suffering like this. I dont know. And im confuse. I want to save my relationship. But i always ruin it by telling lies. Or even im telling the truth it seems like a lie. Please help me. I want to be a better person and dont judge for what i am. I dont like this. I dont want to be alone.
AnonymousDecember 17th, 2017 at 8:01 AM
I have such a big problem with this and i need help. Ive ruined my own life. Ive lost everything because of lying, my family, my friends, everything. Problem is, i now actually believe that im telling the truth about some things when i know im not. What do i do?
AnonymousMay 15th, 2020 at 11:37 PM
I’m 18 years old and I just finished my first year of college. In the past, I have told lies a lot to save face or to get out of things. It was something my closest friends new about me and I was so fortunate to have friends who stuck around and were patient with me, despite my occasional lying. When I went to college, everything changed. I didn’t know anyone going to the school and I was worried about making friends. This worry got even worse when I actually got there and realized I was surrounded by all of these intelligent, strong, caring people. I felt like nobody would want to be my friend because I’ve had a pretty boring life. And I’m thankful for my boring life. The lies in college started with small stuff to make myself sound more interesting. I told a friend a story once about writing a bad admissions essay to a selective college to piss off my dad who went to that college. In reality, I applied there with my normal essay and didn’t get in. I was ashamed of that. But I didn’t feel like I had a right to be ashamed because my dad never pressured me that much into going to the school he went to. I felt like in order for that story to be justifiable, I had to exaggerate how much pressure he put on me when really I was the one putting pressure on myself. I then lied to make it seem like my family was poor. In reality, I’m from an upper middle class household and have never had to worry much about money. Now I’m in a relationship with a woman who I really connect with. She’s absolutely amazing and I can see our relationship lasting a long time. But I can’t be in a relationship based on lies and she’s one of the people who I told those lies to early on in the school year. I’m terrified to tell her the truth about me which has just led to my lies getting more and more detailed as our friendship and then relationship developed. I know deep down that I cannot be in a relationship with her that is founded on these lies. She and all of my college friends deserve better. I know that ultimately, I will have to choose between ending things with her and starting fresh or telling her the truth about everything and coming to terms with the fact that that might mean the end of our relationship. I think the latter will be much more difficult because I really don’t want her to think I’m a bad person and I know it’ll hurt her when I tell her and she’ll go to our mutual friends for help and then they’ll all hate me. Which is valid. I kind of feel like I deserve that, even if I’m terrified of it.
MariaJune 22nd, 2017 at 12:49 PM
I wish I could understand this disorder more from a compulsive liars point of view but the truth of the matter is that no one will understand and perhaps that is why it is so hard to understand yourself. When it is all a lie who cans really understand. My boyfriend of 3 years and the father of my beautiful baby girl is a compulsive liar. He has also said that this person he is portraying to be is not him and that he will get back to his old self. Well the truth of the matter is that he is being himself, he just happens to be a liar. Someone with this problem needs to really start over, like suggested in other posts, and be more conscious of the damage being done every time they tell a lie no matter how big or small. It is like subconsciously reprogramming your brain to feel those emotions and consequences that your mind has tried so hard to hide behind the lies. Most importantly, only you can do this for yourself if you truly want to change.
JeffreyApril 25th, 2016 at 2:34 PM
This article describes me perfectly. How can I best get help for my compulsive, pathological, and unbelievable lies? It is destroying my life. Please help!
The GoodTherapy.org TeamApril 25th, 2016 at 2:40 PM
The GoodTherapy.org Team is not qualified to offer professional advice, but we do encourage you to reach out. If you would like to talk about this or any other concern with a mental health professional, feel free to return to our homepage, https://www.goodtherapy.org/, and enter your zip code into the search field to find therapists in your area.
Once you enter your information, you’ll be directed to a list of therapists and counselors who meet your criteria. From this list you can click to view our members’ full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information. You are also welcome to call us for assistance finding a therapist. We are in the office Monday through Friday from 8:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. Pacific Time; our phone number is 888-563-2112 ext. 1.
The GoodTherapy.org Team
Tee4533September 17th, 2016 at 7:35 PM
Thanks Jeffery. Your comment has helped me understand why a prisoner would be lying about to me, while sober, and looking at me straight in my eyes. Things like …..I didn’t get the $25, money that you sent me, because they took money out my commission for medication $5 btw, etc. So he didnt have even a few dollars for paper/envelopes left. But later he tells me that he wrote 3 letters to his attorney. This was just one of the many lies in a single visit.
PMcGMarch 30th, 2017 at 5:48 PM
JonahSeptember 9th, 2019 at 4:21 PM
What’s the point of saying this? You don’t know what it’s like. I tell lies for no reason. Someone asks what I did over the weekend, I’ll make up a winding and long story that has absolutely nothing to do with what I did. I’m not even saying that what I’m doing is good, I just say it. I can’t stop myself. I start and I just can’t stop.
JuliAugust 31st, 2018 at 5:18 PM
Just stop lying . Stop lying period. You should be strong than your lying habits. You learn to lie, you can learn to stop lying.
CrystalSeptember 30th, 2016 at 3:01 PM
I need help
GoodTherapy AdminOctober 1st, 2016 at 12:55 PM
If you would like to consult with a mental health professional, please feel free to return to our homepage, https://www.goodtherapy.org/, and enter your zip code into the search field to find therapists in your area.
Once you enter your information, you’ll be directed to a list of therapists and counselors who meet your criteria. From this list you can click to view our members’ full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information. You are also welcome to call us for assistance finding a therapist. We are in the office Monday through Friday from 8:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. Pacific Time; our phone number is 888-563-2112 ext. 1.
The GoodTherapy.org Team
SholaOctober 15th, 2016 at 8:50 AM
My son , I’m concern about his lies.
GraceNovember 27th, 2016 at 3:01 PM
My husband needs help and I’m doing my best to support him even after all these years of his little white lies (some really big ones). We have a therapist who has seen him regarding this issue but unfortunately this has gone to the way side and he has not made any changes in his behavior.
AngelJune 8th, 2017 at 3:35 AM
My husband has tore our family apart with his consittent lying. I have just found out he has been trawling gay dating sites for sex but met with one guy yet he doesn’t remember why or when or what happened. He has been lying for at least 6years. He comes from a good family, no lies but secrets. How do I tell our kids that what daddy says isn’t true? I can’t trust him with a phone, laptop or even a bank card! Am at my wits end
GJanuary 21st, 2019 at 6:20 PM
Actually, he might not being telling any lies. He might be struggling with a dissociative disorder, and is actually unaware of what he’s done.
DeeJanuary 14th, 2017 at 3:46 PM
I’m destroying my family!
MarylouJanuary 17th, 2017 at 12:03 AM
I can’t afford therapy, but I want to stop lying, what should I do?
Sherman LJanuary 31st, 2017 at 8:32 AM
I am a compulsive liar and can’t seem to stop. I am in my 60’s and need some help before I die.
The GoodTherapy.org TeamJanuary 31st, 2017 at 10:25 AM
Thank you so much for reaching out. If you are in immediate danger of hurting yourself, it is very important you seek help immediately. You can call 911 or your local law enforcement, or visit your nearest hospital emergency room. If or when you experience suicidal thoughts, you can call to talk to someone immediately at the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 (TTY: 1-800-799-4TTY). You can also search for a therapist in your area for help with compulsive lying on the GoodTherapy.org directory by visitinghttps://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html.
Please know there is hope, and help is available. We are thinking of you and wishing you the very best!
The GoodTherapy.org Team
LeomarFebruary 20th, 2017 at 1:16 PM
I m still in love with all my exes and im acompulsive liar.
Still TALK to all my exs and I’m a jerk
NicoleMarch 1st, 2017 at 1:16 AM
My ex is a self aware compulsive liar. He’s told horrendous, well maintained lies (for seemingly no reason), and has been cheating on me for the last year. In the last few months he came clean about everything and it completely rocked my world. I feel like the smart thing would be to walk away and never look back but I’m finding it impossible to do so. I know there have been small lies since then, but am I deluding myself in thinking that this was a break through?
TamaraMarch 13th, 2017 at 12:17 PM
Looks like we are in the same boat ;) Filed for divorce today after 9 years of being lied to and cheated on. Worst part was he always switched blame from him to me. Saying I was seeing things, even when all proof was on the table and I had the first colleague (I knew of) he cheated with on the phone… She was explaining and he was denying, even swearing on our then 3 year old daughter’s life. Now he even managed to take someone he is apparently cheating with (for over a year) with to his family abroad (who will justify anything he does, the golden boy)… Staying there for 3 weeks, lying about just about anything, spending money in resorts with a secret credit line which he took out… While keeping me and my daughter calm by saying we don’t have to worry, that he is dealing with several family members with illnesses. Lied about his father having cancer and being away three days to go see him. Told our daughter his father looked too ugly for a picture, cause of the cancer… (he is not even sick). Told us he paid the resorts for his father cause he was homeless, which he wasn’t… Turns out his father didn’t even know he was in the country… And I can go on and on. He does not feel guilt at all. Up until today, he said he has no one else. You can love someone, but when they destroy you completely it is not worth it.
MariaJune 22nd, 2017 at 1:12 PM
Absolutely! Once your boyfriend was busted telling lies he most likely was a bit more cautious about lying for awhile. Without extensive therapy and the drive to want to change he will not get better. It will start all over again with little lies that turn into bigger lies. My advice is to escape the web of lies before it’s too late. I’m doing so myself and it is very hard and painful because of the love I have for this person. Although, ultimately, they will only drag you down emotionally with all the hurt and pain from the lies. It doesn’t bother them one bit to keep lying to you and everyone else. Get out girl!
MartinMarch 20th, 2017 at 6:56 AM
I need to stop lying before I lose everyone that is important to me. I don’t even need to do it it just happens and then I find myself inventing further stories to cover the initial lie. It’s incredible how twisted things can become and how fast things start to unravel without meaning to. Furthermore I find myself inventing new lies to cover up the lies that have been uncovered and I’ll swear blind that is the truth. This article has helped me put things in perspective I only hope I’m not too late
ShondaJune 24th, 2017 at 4:01 AM
Yesterday was my birthday and the day that my wife became fed up. We’ve been together 26 years have a 9 year old daughter. She’s tried she has stood by me even when my lies were an embarrassment to her. I lie about anything and everything, big or small it doesn’t matter and I don’t understand it. I have been this way as long as I can remember. I hate it. I hate myself and just want to be normal. I can almost say it started as a way to protect myself from being hit as a kid thinking I would say whatever I had to say to keep my mother from hitting me. and then when I went to school most kids hated me or made fun of me for my hair (my mom never helped me learn how to care for my hair properly) or my clothes (most never fit properly or were dirty I didn’t know how to do my laundry) so I started to lie to get the other kids to like me because I craved human interaction that didn’t involve me getting screamed at or beaten. so I just started to tell these wild stories and then before I knew it mostly everything that came out of my mouth was a lie. I met my wife in jr. high and then I had to deal with the hatred from my parents an family for being gay. So I started to lie again. and now almost 20 years later I was still lying. No one trusts me and outside of my wife no one wants to be bothered with me; so I started creating fake profiles online and living these alternate lives (made up families and spouses) my wife found out when I left my lap top open. she said she was on the verge of leaving and told me I needed to get help. So I did and was diagnosed with ADD and PTSD and major depression and for no reason that I can explain or understand I started to abuse my ADD medication as well as stealing narcotic medication from my wife’s elderly aunt who was living with us; she moved to another state so I no longer have access to Narcotics. So on my birthday (yesterday) we were invited to my wife’s sister’s house for my birthday and I had taken too many pills and was a total mess. I passed out in the middle of my dinner. I woke up to my wife stating she was done and she wouldn’t deal with my bullshit anymore. she went to bed and I think she is done with me and quite frankly I can’t blame her. I would love nothing more than to die right now. I have ruined my life because I can’t tell the fucking truth because I can’t be normal. I need help so bad I just want to tell her I’m sorry but I’ve said that one too many times. I don’t want to be like this, I want to be with her and raise my daughter. I need help. I can’t do this on my own.
Tina DMarch 21st, 2017 at 9:19 AM
I know how you feel. Im with my best friend from my child hood. I never expected him to treat me like this and lie to my face. Hes had someone else almost the whole three years we have been together. Now i find out im pregnant and dont know what to do. He says hes happy and wants to change for our family. Hes 45 and never had a baby even after trying for years with his ex. I wanna trust that he wants help but how can i. Any sugestions please help i need it.
VictorMarch 21st, 2017 at 7:07 PM
I need help
The GoodTherapy.org TeamMarch 21st, 2017 at 8:16 PM
Hi Victor. If you would like to consult with mental health professional, please feel free to return to our homepage, https://www.goodtherapy.org/, and enter your zip code into the search field to find therapists in your area. If you’re looking for a counselor that practices a specific type of therapy, or who deals with specific concerns, you can make an advanced search by clicking here: https://www.goodtherapy.org/advanced-search.html
Once you enter your information, you’ll be directed to a list of therapists and counselors who meet your criteria. From this list you can click to view our members’ full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information. You are also welcome to call us for assistance finding a therapist. We are in the office Monday through Friday from 8:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. Pacific Time; our phone number is 888-563-2112 ext. 1.
ScottMarch 24th, 2017 at 12:13 AM
Is there any way I can help a friend who has some awareness of their pathology but isn’t likely to be open right now to me sending links or resources?
Tristen nApril 8th, 2017 at 2:19 PM
I need help telling the truth.i can’t stop lying..im scared of the consequences of my actions. I lie im cold im selfish im spiteful to those who love me. I can’t be faithful or just a real person. I dont appreciate anyone but myself.everything i say is a lie
JakeApril 29th, 2017 at 1:25 AM
Did you tell the truth in the post you made? If you answered yes, no matter how insignificant it might seem, you just told the truth.
Recognize and place values on truths, try telling a bigger truth next time while being aware of how it makes you feel.
I’ve been lying as long as I can remember, when I was a little kid I remember writing my own name on the hallway walls of my house in marker/crayons and lying about it being someone else that had done it (probably blamed it on one of my 3 siblings). It mainly was just smaller white lies for a very long time that normally were driven by a personal benefit and I used to feel guilt for doing things wrong and lying to not deal with the consequences of some of my actions. About a year and a half ago my parents separated (I never expected it in a million years, I thought they got my siblings and I together to announce that they were finally going to let my younger sister get a dog). It was an absolute shock because they were always passive aggressive and would never fight. I am aware that I will forever be changed as a person. I used to use my creativity to find clever ways at finding a positive outlook on just about everything. Initially I had no idea how to tell my friends and frankly was, and still am, trapped in my own shame and embarrassment. Hindsight is 20/20, internalizing all of the stress was the wrong move. Since then I have told only 4 people outside my family and have lied on a daily basis to my 3 room mates that everything is “all good.” I live at school, 3 hours away from home and have pushed a majority of my old closest friends away because cutting off communication is easier than keeping up the tremendous lie that I continue to build every day. I’m not sure if I’m depressed, but I definitely see things in life from a more cynical perspective now and sometimes question my own sanity. I rarely get more than a couple of hours of sleep and being physically drained is starting to take a toll on my life because I end up being lazy, skipping class and work for extended periods of time. It got to the point where I stopped going into work completely for no reason and planned to lie my way out of it like I had 15+ times in the past, but was so lazy that I never ended up saying anything. I did formulate a lie to tell all the people in my life who care about me, blaming being “let go” on my boss saying that he asked me to resign for a number of different reasons. My schoolwork has gone way down in the last year and a half and the stress of not finding a job after graduation (in two weeks) is indescribably overwhelming. Both my parents handled the divorce differently; my dad used it as an opportunity to better himself and increase his love and affection towards everything and everyone, my mom moved out of my childhood home and is more distant than I could have ever imagined (I’m convinced she has no more love for me, but I think it might be a lie that I have formulated to keep my distance from her and her new significant other who I don’t feel comfortable around). About 2 years ago I found a way to charm the actual greatest human being I’ve ever met and I’m thankful that she told me that I need to figure out what is putting strain on our relationship. I’ve been true to her to the best of my abilities and have kept lying to a minimum. I need to figure out a lot more than just compulsive & pathological lying in my life, but finding this article was a great place to start.
My best regards go out to anyone who is to the point of visiting this page, whether for yourself or for someone you care about.
DevMay 18th, 2017 at 10:37 PM
Your story breaks my heart. Please know that your life is your own. It is so easy to become confused by the experiences of our parents, and other people who we care deeply about – unless you can realize that no matter how much you may love and value these people, none of them have ownership over YOU! You belong to YOU! No one else. Consider putting in writing all the things you hope and dream for; then look at that list and envision how you CAN make it come true.
Your life belongs to you. No matter what others around you say, think or do, it is your RIGHT to live your life in a way that brings you personal happiness.
Seek out those people who reinforce this.
This doesn’t mean you have to stop loving your dad or your mom. Just understand that their story is not your own.
You deserve to be happy, and you do not have to carry anyone else’s burden. I’m sure both of your parents love you very much, and they would want nothing more than that.
Pursue those things that bring you joy, and know that you are strong enough, intelligent enough, to walk away from those things that would undermine you.
Recognize that our compulsion to lie is often because of shame, and fear of rejection. But all human beings make mistakes, have failures. Being honest about your human-ness will make you a hero to those who are struggling.
Being the person who admits to your weaknesses and shortcomings, while striving to do better, is more inspirational to those around you than the person who seems to “have it all together”.
Remember, above all else, this is YOUR life…make it what you want!
I wish you the BEST!
DJuly 8th, 2017 at 9:48 PM
Lying basically comes down to either just telling your truth, or selling your truth, and once you decide the right course of action is to play someone, then it doesn’t truly matter if you are being factual or not, you are still playing them. It is the difference between objective reporting and opinion. Objective is just the facts and opinion is when someone tries to play others. That simple really. If you want to stop lying then stop playing people, and just be you.
Hurt By LiarsAugust 5th, 2017 at 3:14 AM
Admitting it–even anonymously–is a huge step in the right direction. People usually lie for one of three reasons:
– To make themselves and their lives seem more interesting/low self-esteem
– To avoid some unpleasant outcome (such as getting in trouble for doing/not doing something)
– To obtain a desired outcome (such as a promotion, compliment or reward).
Once you identify the reasons underneath your behavior, you can start to change it. You will probably need a therapist’s help to work through your issues, which is perfectly fine. Friends & family aren’t equipped to be objective and give us the professional guidance we need. Set your intention to reduce the number of lies you tell each day until eventually the number is zero. It may take a long, long time and come with a lot of setbacks but you must be persistent. Understand that your lies are not harmless actions, they violate others & damage your trustworthiness. The consequences of getting caught in a lie can be much worse than the consequences of just being truthful from the start. And it must be hard to remember which lie you told to which person, right? Your life will become so much more simple once you escape the prison created by your lies.
ColetteMay 3rd, 2017 at 1:54 PM
I’m a pathological liar, I know it too. I’ve been lying for as long as I can remember. I lie to myself about things that have happened so much that my memories are twisted around because I do not remember what really happened. It ruined my relationship with my boyfriend, and he’s the one who just straight up told me I was a pathological liar, I didn’t realize it until he told me so I looked into it and damn he was right. I just can’t stop lying, sometimes I’m not even sure if I’m lying about something. I think how it started was that I began to lie to myself about a family member who sexually abused me as a kid, I told everyone he was dead and I believed it too for a long time. I had the entire story planned perfectly, how he died and the day he died, the funeral, etc. none of that never even happened. I saw him a month or so ago and it took me weeks to process it. I think because I learned to lie to myself so much about that, and other things, that it just became a habit. It’s destroyed my relationships, it’s destroyed my mental health. I want help but it seems like there aren’t any therapists for this sort of thing.
DJuly 8th, 2017 at 9:50 PM
I am sure that lying will damage the mind and yet, you are the only one who has enough self awareness I have read on this page so far, that notices this fact. Two points for you.
BMay 9th, 2018 at 1:42 PM
I don’t know what to do
I’m about to leave or try to help her, I know if I don’t help her she will have nothing and no one that wants her. I love her so much and I wanted to help for a long time but after 2 years I can’t believe her anymore and all the negative words and acking cruel I can’t do it anymore. I know deep down inside she loves me but then again maby I don’t.
DJuly 8th, 2017 at 9:55 PM
Also, you may have something along the lines of Borderline Personality Disorder. The psych industry recognizes that around 99 percent of all borderlines were molested, and yet, they don’t say that this is the cause. I will go one further and say that it was not your father.
Borderline is not really a mental illness like they say, it is a coping mechanism for being molested in a household where somehow it seems okay that you are being molested. The more you sexualize men who seem not that interested, the closer you were to 13 when it happened, and if there are mental illness features, then it was before age 11. If it was age 16 it is hard to see the effects.
It is a coping mechanism, not a mental illness, and if you accept it and understand it, you can get past it.
StephMay 4th, 2017 at 5:48 AM
I am so relieved to know my husband isn’t alone! It gives me hope that he is really a good person with a bad problem. I’m trying so hard to support him but the lies or constant. Big lies, little lies, unnecessary lies. Everyone tells you you can’t have a relationship without trust, but I’m not willing to throw our relationship away over something that’s not his fault.
Peter BMay 15th, 2017 at 8:25 PM
I want to receive a monthly newsletter about compulsive lying.
ahmed m.June 1st, 2017 at 1:40 PM
what are the impacts of pathological lying to students
Melissa R.June 9th, 2017 at 1:58 PM
I have a problem with manipulation and lying.
Kennedy T.June 12th, 2017 at 8:33 PM
I honestly don’t know what to do. I lie without even realizing it sometimes! It just happens and I don’t know how to stop it. Send help!!!!!
LovingdaughterJune 13th, 2017 at 5:12 AM
Finally I’ve found a diagnosis for my mom. My mom lies about what state she was born in, because she’s embarrassed of being born in a southern state. She lie and tell ppl she’s married even went out and purchased herself a ring. She lies about her race to even her own children. She will lie about her age even if you do the math in front of her. Exposing different lies makes her upset and she will say we are being disrespectful to her. My sister and her grand children has distanced themselves. I’m in the medical field so I’m more compassionate and recognize this as a mental illness. I feel bad because she can never have a truthful and healthy relationship because she can never be honest. Even friendships doesn’t exist. She kept whom my father was because she was embarrassed that she was with my biological father who was married and unattractive. She told me another man was my father in which his family do it all along and never claimed me. This damaged my self esteem. She watched me struggle for many years because of this. She’s a great person and would make a wonderful wife to someone but she refuses help or refuses the fact that she have an issue at all.
I hurt for her😢
JessicaTJune 17th, 2017 at 8:30 PM
I lie. All. The. Time.
becaJune 22nd, 2017 at 4:01 PM
I need counselling for lying and cheating,2
LeonoraJuly 5th, 2017 at 6:51 AM
Someone I know– I’m not sure if he’s a narcissistic sociopath and/or a pathological liar or just schizophrenic. I’m rather obsessed with him even though I know that for my own sake, i’d better stay out of it. but… i can’t. he said that we would have been a perfect match but that he doesn’t have the same feelings towards me… and now he left for his home country. to me, he’s Sherlock Holmes; intelligent, delusional, mind reader, dark humored…(i vowed i would marry sherlock holmes). we understand each other perfectly well; each of us knows what the other is thinking/feeling… i suppose i’m just as damaged as he (like i don’t care if i live or die and we both never want to have children. traumatizing childhood for the two of us i suppose), however i’ve managed to pull myself together. i’m 4 years his junior and obtained my university degree a month after turning 21. clean criminal record, never smoked, never engaged in anything irresponsible (with him it’s the opposite). he’s still a uni student. his girlfriend broke up with him when he was here( she’s a full psychiatrist. i’m wondering if she saw something).he says she broke up with him because she lacked the right social skills (that she, being a doctor, has spent her entire life studying– socially dysfunctional etc..). he says he loves her and wants to get her back (i’m not sure how, given that he won’t know her whereabouts) and that he would never betray her (i.e date someone else, even if he were now single ), yet he told me that he once met a girl at a bar who had a bf. she often came alone and flirted with my guy. he told her that he would invite her to lunch if she would dump her bf. of course she refused to and that was the end of it (but doesn’t that fall under his definition of betrayal?? ) he was engaged once ( at 22. fairly young age i believe. emotionally clingy? ) but his fiance broke off the engagement because he was “never there”. he hates his mother and is not on very good terms with his father. he says that he ran a company once but that he later sold it and spent the money travelling. however, i’ve Googled him often and could never trace any of his stated accomplishments. he was in the army for 4 years– entered at the age of 16, he says, yet isn’t the legal age 18?? anyway, i later found out that he had entered at the age of 18. i’ve noticed that he’s wickedly extravagant when it comes to drinking (i don’t know if he wastes money on other stuff too). in the 4 months that he spent here, he spent 10,000 USD (excluding rent and transport). i’m wondering if spending is one of the reasons for the failure of his previous relationships. i have a bit of a spending problem too; i spend too little and i was clear on that front. i just wonder if that actually placed an obstacle in our relationship, knowing that he can’t rely on me for financing– he had a joint account with his ex-gf and it’s one of the things that he thought of after the break up. in the semester that he spent here, he changed roommates twice. i just wonder… he also admits that he has some element of narcissism. we talk every week, but just about simple everyday stuff. when he was here, he kept on making up stories. he himself admits that he lies a lot– on his cv as well. i never confronted him, even though i could see through the lies.i just wanted to hear the stories. he has a funny way of recounting things (he says he’s been to NATO meetings. he was allowed to enter because he wore a dark suit and looked professional. yeah right). he was also very upset when one of his co-workers died of heart disease a couple of months ago. he kept on blaming himself for it (like he knew that the coworker was in need of financial assistance yet did not contribute in giving him a raise). i think he was giving himself too much importance. i spoke with him not long ago, telling him that i was pretty frustrated with things. he said that he felt the same, so i suggested that he find a part time job to keep his mind off of things. he replied that he was frustrated because he knew not in what direction to go as he had already received job offers. a few days later we speak again and i ask him for updates. he says nothing new, still on the job search but that one option looked particularly promising ! so, about the multiple job offers….? i’ll hopefully be in his home country in October for graduate studies…. i’m just trying to understand him. i so want to help him yet i don’t know how. my psychologist says that it’s impossible to change people but it makes me all the more determined. my psychologist has graduated and i won’t be able to see him anymore… i so want to discuss this … any ideas? please help !
ScottJuly 8th, 2017 at 2:27 PM
Pardon my bluntness, but it’s very difficult to understand you. There is no main thread to follow, just a lot of random bits of information about someone you may or may not really know (according to you, much of what he’s said seems questionable). You’re not exactly sure what he’s suffering from but you’re determined to fix him? I think the best advice for you is to seriously pursue help regarding your own mental health issues. You don’t sound like you’re in any position to help someone with identity problems until you get help addressing the very same issues in your own life. Good luck. (And for the record, “helping” someone and “changing” someone are two different things.)
LeonoraJuly 19th, 2017 at 5:50 AM
Hello Scott. Thank you for your message. I appreciate the honesty. I do have my issues yet I don’t have identity problems. i do have something in between the lines of co-dependence and this is precisely what is pushing me in wanting to help my acquaintance. i realize that helping and changing are two different things yet my aim is simply helping him. he has so much potential and it breaks my heart to see him waste himself as such.
MariaJuly 6th, 2017 at 1:32 PM
I think it is very easy to want to help this person because he has such an unethical problem. It is not okay though morally to run around telling lies to anyone. And the therapists are absolutely correct, you cannot change someone unless they realize they have a problem and want to change. And honestly, it may be darn right impossible to reform a liar because they will always have that itch to tell a tall tale. I say ditch the relationship and don’t look back. It will be hard to do so and you will still be inclined to help but it is ultimately beyond your control and expertise. Some liars go to therapy for years and still have no success at recovering.
LeonoraJuly 19th, 2017 at 6:02 AM
Hullo Maria. I thank you for your comment. I suppose you’re right, because knowing him, he would certainly deny lying. I’m rather inclined to believe that he won’t recover especially as his ex-girlfriend is a psychiatrist. Indeed, i’d be better off not getting involved in the entire situation, yet it is not particularly easy. he is so very clever and has great potential… it just hurts me to see him doing this to himself. i’d feel somewhat guilty if turn my back and go
MaryJuly 19th, 2017 at 1:38 AM
Before I start, I want to apologize for my bad english. Its not my native language so I tried my best.
So Im facing this problem… I cant stop lying even if I try. Im 15 soon 16. My school life is ruined literally because of something horrible I did. Huge lies and wild stories… Im really happy that Im not alone, I saw more comments and I realized Im not the only one facing the same problem. Im lying because… my father and my mother divorced when I was 3 years old. I was living with my mother and with my grandparents at the same house. They would ALWAYS lie about my father. They said that he was a jerk and that he never loved me because he didnt want a daughter. They said that he only loved my brother (he is 6 years older) because he is a boy. And they would lie and lie about more things. Sadly I went through bullying in school because I wasnt good looking. I wasnt happy with myself so I started lying (white lies) until I realized that my lies werent that innocent anymore and that they turned into huge and horrible stories. I dont want to end up in a psychiatry, nor taking pills. I just want this to end. Lying isnt good and I know that. Im trying to stop this… any suggestions?
MariaJuly 21st, 2017 at 1:30 PM
Hi Mary, thank you for admitting that you have a problem. That is the first step to change. Many people who lie continue to deny that they do so. You are already on the right path to change. The best advice I can give you is to stop and think before you tell a lie. This will help you to become more aware of what you are about to say. Lying impacts more people than just yourself, so stop and think about how your lie is going to effect others as well as yourself. You will feel much better about yourself by being honest and it is courteous to others as well. Becoming a more conscious person is something we can all work towards because it will make the world a better place. It is ethical and morally correct to treat others how we expect to be treated. We are taught those values in school because it is true. Do you like to be lied to or does anyone like to be lied to? Most likely not. Think about all those things next time you decide to tell a lie and yhou may just deter yourself from lying. In the end, you will feel better about yourself if you treat others respectfully and others will feel better about you. And remember no one is perfect, we all lie occasionally but compulsively lying is not right or respectful to anyone.
AndrewJuly 28th, 2017 at 1:58 PM
My ex-girlfriend broke up with me just over two months ago due to all my lies that I was saying about myself frequently.
To give a history of who I am, I come from a very dysfunctional family. My dad was rarely ever there for me growing up and my mom would always scream in the house but she worked hard to raise me and my two sisters. When my dad was in town he tried to be in my life but when i did something wrong such as failing a test, or being stupid as I have my ADHD under control, i would get hit with the belt, broom stick, or pocker of the fireplace and go to sleep in pain. I went through 13 years of getting physically abused by my dad, 7 years of bullying in my last two years of elementary school and 5 years of high school, and then if my sisters did something wrong I took it upon myself to step in and take the beating as well as I did not want them to go through the pain so i had to coerce my dad to take his anger out on me and beat me up. There were days I would sleep and I woke up in pain beyond what I can explain and felt the pain of metal or leather still hitting my body. I used to lie about what I did wrong so that I can avoid the beating and i would compulsively lie to my friends in the process as it because natural.
I lied to my ex girlfriend and my friends that I went through cancer when i did not, that i met certain special people (Eli Manning, Bill Clinton, Tom Brady), that I lived in Australia, that I was on a dating show that was actually filmed somewhere else but that it was actually filmed in the city i was in, make up stories, say that I visited other countries, say that I owned property, and I would never acknowledge my mistakes until I was called out. The fear of being alone, abused, or beat up always scared me so I have always hid away my past life by thinking people are out to get me by creating lies that make me seem better than I actually am.
The lies I have created have affected my life. I lied to my work and that has caused me to get fired from 5 jobs in under two years, have a poor social life, lose the one girlfriend I have ever had that I truly still love, and contemplate suicide. I was recently in Arizona and I stayed at a friends place, I had his gun on the table and I considered what it would feel like to eat a bullet and just end my life on the spot. Would my friends, family, ex-girlfriend care if I did so? I had my finger on the safety and was prepared to put the gun to my temple and pull the trigger cause I want all the pain to end in my life.
A life of physical abuse takes a toll on people, it really does. It is not easy to admit when we lie, but realizing how bad it is when we lose those people that we love is not easy at all either.
A life of physical abuse has prevented me from knowing when and how to ask for help. I lied to my ex-girlfriend that I was going to see a social worker after my father died because I did not know how to ask her simply that I need help because I have always been so weak at asking for anything that asking for help it is not that it would make me feel just weak, but it makes me feel less than i am. I thought she should be the one asking me if I need help, but it should have been me going up to her asking her for help and I was not able to do that because I was scared about the pain and the abuse I have gotten in the past that I had no idea what her reaction would be.
I H8 LiarsAugust 5th, 2017 at 3:00 AM
Habitual liars, regardless of the underlying pathology, are not good people.
I was in a long-term relationship with someone who would lie to me about anything she perceived would cause an unpleasant reaction from me. Then when I found out the truth later, I’d be left to deal with double the pain–the stress of the original hidden situation in addition to the loss of trust in my partner. She never acknowledged her dishonesty and always defended it when confronted. She’d often badmouth me behind my back or tell friends things I wanted to keep between us, causing my baseline level of paranoia–which is pretty high due to a general distrust of people–to skyrocket, and rightfully so! Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you, as the saying goes.
Needless to say, my ability to trust anyone for any reason is non-existent now. It’s not fun having to live in constant disbelief & skepticism of those you love (and those you don’t). Liars are cowards who cause more pain than good in the world. I don’t care how stigmatizing that sounds. Lying is emotional abuse, plain & simple. If your tactic for making life easier or more exciting is to lie, please go back and learn some basic social skills & ethics.
I H8 LyingJanuary 21st, 2019 at 6:29 PM
I am just making my point. I am a good person, and I don’t mean to hurt anyone. I just can’t help it. To make it seem less terrible, many of the lies that come out of my mind, are either so that I don’t have to explain when someone misunderstands me, or to make fun of myself. I state something funny and embarrassing that I might have done, because it plops into my head and seems like it would make another person laugh. I don’t even tell it as a joke. I just make fun of myself that way. It actually can hurt me a lot. I have told someone I am faking an illness that I am not faking.
CynthiaAugust 6th, 2017 at 3:35 PM
No offense as I understand you are in pain, but there is a vast difference between mental illness and “bad people” and labeling people who are sick as “bad people” doesn’t not help anyone, only shames them, likely causing an escalation of the issue(s).
I would strongly suggest you either seek greater understanding for this subject or a therapist of your own.
Compassion, acceptance & forgiveness does not have to equal other than what they are.
I hope you find peace.
AnonymousAugust 10th, 2017 at 12:16 PM
I myself have been a compulsive liar for years. It started at a mere age of 7 when I used to lie to Mom about grades etc in school. I kept lying my way through my teens repeatedly caught by my mother and few others who I completely distanced myself from due to embarrassment. I was also diagnosed with ADHD and personally I feel I have low self esteem. This however reached its peak when I was about 17 and my girlfriend had to point this trait of mine out to me. She was the first person to recognise that I actually have this problem. Our entire relationship was based on lies which caused her to leave me eventually but since then I have actively kept monitoring myself and the lies. Compulsive lying is a real illness. Often times I don’t even think before lying. My mind is just programmed to project myself a certain way and often times there was absolutely no hesitation. Now I’m 25 and I’m still battling this illness everyday of my life. I have to constantly think and watch what I say in order to keep this from happening. However, I have realised that this issue is so deep rooted, that my thoughts itself are based on lies.
As I’m getting older, I have realised I have strained all the relationships in my life due to lies. I have lost many friends and some family too. I really hope I get better one day.
anthonyAugust 13th, 2017 at 6:58 PM
My wife has been a compulsive liar our whole relationship. Now we have a 4 year old daughter and she has even had her lie for her. I dont want my daughter to have a broken home. We have tried therapy several times and sometimes there are moments of clarity but it never lasts. She is a master of manipulating the situation by always blaming me or accusing me of something that she is obviously guilty of. I just dont know what to do. Everytime she lies it takes a little piece of my soul away.
AJMay 24th, 2019 at 1:34 PM
Anthony, i am currently ruining my family by being this person that I dont want to be. I keep telling myself I am getting better and making changes but its all the same everyday. My husband says a its a decision I make in the morning, but I dont feel like its that easy. I feel like a bread pan with a dent in it and every loaf that you make has the spot on it, a defect, and its just there. I dont know if you throw the bread out, fix it or eat it. I personally want to be fixed by some magic wand, but my realistic side says throw it out its hopeless. But we have kids, how do you explain this, how do I tell them that their mother is this way, we re going to lose everything because your mommy that sings with you in the car is a liar. I lie about money specifically, its probably and inherited defect from my childhood into adulthood and I allowed it to control me. But I cant seem to get it under control. I hope for my sake, my children and my husband that I can, and then I hope for you and your family that she can. But the light is very dim and I think that compounds the result and the pain that I cause, over and over and over. So many messages here on this article, but no real answer, no magic wand or pill. Work. A lot of work, and some people like myself find it harder to be honest than to lie, so I guess I am lazy. I wish my family had the mother, wife, sister and daughter that they deserve. I wish you the best in your life.
PS my name i am using is the name my dad gave me to hide my identity when I was in elementary school since he didnt like what my mother named me so he told everyone my name was Ashley, also the name of the love of his life – not my mother – and my real name moved to my middle name so for years i was call AJ… not saying thats a reason for who I am but it could have helped mold me.
BruceAugust 20th, 2017 at 8:40 AM
The first step is admit that you have a problem. Find a good psychiatrist and a good therapist. Took me 39 years to admit this and finally i manage to tell my family what’s going on. Started with small lies and turned into an insane vortex of lies that affected my career. It’s easier to say that you have a drug problem than a compulsive liar problem so please, find help. You’re gonna take a stone from your soul. If you have a loved one with this problem take him to help because i was close to suicide because of all this trouble.
shitay wSeptember 2nd, 2017 at 2:13 PM
I tend to lie quite a bit. My neighbors dislike me and I was kicked off the neighborhood committee. I also lie at work and am very accomplished at it, but it’s starting to catch up with me. I’d like to learn more about this disorder
anneSeptember 6th, 2017 at 5:29 PM
The GoodTherapy.org TeamSeptember 6th, 2017 at 8:41 PM
Hi, Anne. If you would like to consult with mental health professional, please feel free to return to our homepage, https://www.goodtherapy.org/, and enter your zip code into the search field to find therapists in your area. If you’re looking for a counselor that practices a specific type of therapy, or who deals with specific concerns, you can make an advanced search by clicking here: https://www.goodtherapy.org/advanced-search.html
AnonymousSeptember 8th, 2017 at 5:02 AM
It is hard for me to admit, I lie. I have done things in my past that I have not been completely honest with my partner while dating and being engaged. When I came out with some things it is very difficult to tell all. Since time has gone since I have done these things, it is easier to lie because I have buried this deep and did not repeat this situation as I felt guilty and did not want to do it again. I cheated and to cover up my cheating I withheld certain parts either to spare feelings or that I did not want to see them leave. I have since then came clean about everything but they cannot look at me the same, as they shouldn’t. We have children and I don’t want them to grow up without a mother and father together as that is what I grew up without. I would love to have gone to counseling because I feel it would be easier to talk with someone being a mediator. But my partner does not want any part of that. How can I make them see that I will not withhold ANY information again? I don’t think there is an answer but willing for criticism and/or advice.
CCSeptember 13th, 2017 at 1:28 PM
I’m 15 and I’m not sure if I have this disorder or not. I go through these cycles of first lying about something, usually it’s about having a boyfriend or following rules. I always want to look good in my parent’s eyes, and so I lie and lie and lie. I’m not talking to that girl you don’t like, no ma’am. I’m not dating him. I’m going to sign up for this club and that club.
Eventually, I get caught in a lie and I feel horrible. “Why would I do that?” I think. “They would’ve been alright with me dating that boy if I had been honest about it.” I end up feeling so guilty, in fact, that sometimes I’ll self-harm and cry myself to sleep and convince myself that I’m not lovable and I don’t deserve to eat.
Eventually, as trust builds back up with my parents, I end up lying again, usually worse than the last one. And I get caught. And I feel horrible. And I lie. And get caught. Lie, caught, guilt, lie. It doesn’t end, and I’m afraid that I can’t change. I feel genuinely guilty, too. I don’t know how to stop.
I think that this might stem from my childhood- I was in a situation where I had to lie about my parent’s whereabouts, their fighting, their drug use. It was best to lie- otherwise, I would never see them again or my sisters. It was best to lie, and that is so ingrained in my mind. I have to stop sometime. I don’t want to live a lie.
TomSeptember 13th, 2017 at 5:32 PM
I need help with lying to purposely hurt people.
TomSeptember 13th, 2017 at 5:33 PM
How do I stop lying to purposely hurt people?
LindseySeptember 14th, 2017 at 7:36 AM
My wife lies constantly. She’s lied about being pregnant (3 times since we’ve been together and at least once before). She’s lied about being sexually assaulted (multiple times by multiple people). She’s lied about things I’ve done to her (she told our roommate that I stole $4k from our joint account and refused to put gas in her car unless she had sex with me… which I would never even think of doing!). She’s lied about being stalked. She’s lied about having affairs and exes and current relationships during and before ours.
I stay because I love her more than anything, but I just can’t keep sitting back and watch her destroy friendships, and I can’t keep running damage control. I also can’t just let her drag my name through the mud and don’t even really want to be there for her when these people inevitably figure it out and stop talking to her (or start telling other people what she says/does). I hate seeing her hurt, but I also feel like she’s getting what she deserves and needs to face the consequences of her actions.
KWOctober 10th, 2017 at 4:46 PM
GET QUALIFIED HELP. TELL your family and friends up front about the issue. Tell them you are aware of it and working on it and don’t know why it happens. It just does. It is like liars Turret’s. Explain to them that when it happens you will try to follow up the lie with an immediate statement saying, “IT HAPPENED.”
Remember that everyone lies, but not in the same way you do. Everyone does it to protect themselves, to not hurt other’s feelings….and the list goes on. The goal needs to be to recognize and work to REDUCE the amount of time you “LIE FOR NO EXPLAINABLE REASON!”
I live with someone like what is (many times) described in detail above. It has not ruined our lives, it is a part of our lives. It will always be part of our lives. I didn’t discover the extent of the lies for many years into the relationship. Weekly therapy and recording lies in a Daily Lie Journal has helped. I don’t look at the Lie Journal as it is private. My spouse says it is really eye opening. Patterns are emerging. There are triggers. It is helping to identify the prime times. I am one of the main people that gets lied to. I can live with that. I don’t take it personally because it is not about me. Actually, I’m probably the safest place to lie.
My spouse is also Bi-Polar 1. I’m not sure if the lying is part of that condition or another complete one all of its own. Doesn’t matter. I see it as a medical illness that functions like an addiction.
I totally accept that my spouse lies. Self-awareness and working on it is all I ask. Sometimes I ask for clarity on suspect statements or ask if I’ve been lied to. We have progressed to the point, that when athe lie comes out, it is often followed by a statement of, “That was a lie and I don’t know why I said it.” Yes, it is frustrating. Yet, it does not have to be life, relationship or career ending.
My spouse is an honest, hardworking, ethical, moral and loving parent and business owner. Yes, I said honest. And 95% of the time that is true. It is that 5%, that causes the self-destruction. I imagine that 5%, when you are the liar, can feel like 100%.
Keep track. Try to stop getting buried in the lies by taking away their power. You don’t have to loose friends, move every few months to start over or feel horrid about yourself constantly. People will like and accept you for admitting the problem. Friends will help. You are lovable. Take responsibility for it and let people know and fess up when it happens.
I know it’s not that easy. But it is a start. All you can do is your best. Keep working at it.
CdOctober 16th, 2017 at 6:00 PM
I appreciate all the comments. I am the one who has a loved one who suffers from pathological lying . It has been discovered that when he was a child if he told the truth about somethings he was punished. He has aknolwdged that he has a problem . He is a people pleaser and he wasn’t to help people anyway he can. But gets himself in to trouble when he can do what he tells the people. He gets stressed and he tells himself he’s a outcast and a nobody. And once suicidal thoughts. We are looking for professionals that can help him but I have no clue where to start
Linda HavellOctober 21st, 2017 at 3:48 PM
I know I have a problem but cannot stop.
Holly GOctober 27th, 2017 at 5:24 PM
I am a teen suffering from this disorder from previous abuse which i no longer intake bu i still lie! Im pretty sure my parents hate me any self help books for this disorder?
AmberNovember 2nd, 2017 at 6:26 PM
My husband has slowly thrown away everything we have built together because he is unwilling to tell any truths or acknowledge that he is a liar. I’m quite sure I have no idea who I even married and we are coming up on our 15th anniversary. It took 10 years for me to realize that he is incapable of honesty which in turn made me realize just how hoodwinked I had allowed myself to be after happily giving up a career to be a stay-at-home mom with nothing to fall back on. I am now stuck in a place with a stranger trying to parent my son not to make character defining choices like Dad.
What he won’t ever admit…every choice he makes is dependant upon what HE WANTS, the needs of the family come way down the line after him, what people think about him, his horses, dogs, things I am unaware of THEN family.
Justin C.November 12th, 2017 at 8:30 AM
I lye about everything from the color in the sky to who spilt the the milk in the floor I need to stop lying to my self and my wife it’s breaking us apart I’ve been lying to her for 7 years now we just got married a year ago from sep 2 2017 and she has enough of me lying she wants a separation from me and it kills me I need help to stop lying and why do I lie all the time I need help so me and my wife can grow together and we can live our fairy tale life I need to go see someone and talk it someone I don’t want to lose my wife and my self
The GoodTherapy.org TeamNovember 12th, 2017 at 9:46 AM
If you would like to consult with a mental health professional, please feel free to return to our homepage, https://www.goodtherapy.org/, and enter your zip code into the search field to find therapists in your area.
The GoodTherapy.org Team
MelanieNovember 17th, 2017 at 9:35 PM
My brother and his ex-wife adopted her brother’s two sons. My two adopted nephews since they were five years old we noticed the constant lying, and lying for no reason they just lie to lie. I think it’s a game for them. The boys would have stuff all over their faces, and clothes, and look at you in the face and say “I didn’t do it!”, and you would say “But it is all over you,” and they WOULD STILL continue to say “I didn’t do it.” They are 45 and 41 now, and to this day they continually lie multiple times a day. The other day I was at my mother’s house, where Brandon is staying for a few weeks, and some of his clothes were on the floor. When I said something to him about picking up his stuff, because my mom is disabled, he told me it was his brother’s stuff. But the funny thing about it is, his brother has been living up North for the past 7 weeks. It’s really, really bad, it’s to the point you don’t even want to be around them anymore. Is this a genetic thing, because both of the brothers that were adopted by my brother and his wife are pathological liars. One would think at their age now that they would grow out of it. Trying to figure out what gives, is this a medical condition?
CdNovember 18th, 2017 at 10:49 AM
For me my life has been turned upside down. The loved one lied to me about everything. He even went so far to create several phone numbers and made up email accounts. The phone numbers were used to create a cover for his. Lies. He used names of his co-workers but changed their last names. He used the company he was working for. For example he wouldn’t come home at night. And I thought he was with someone else else. Then his fake co-worker would text me to verify what he said. When actually it was him . He even lied about a little girl dying . It was horrible . Then when he needed time off from work, instead of just asking for time off he told them that his father died. His father did not die. His lies have been for selfish reasons. And sympathy. So now when I get text from him and he’s looking for sympathy he doesn’t get it from me. He pretended to be a manager of a company that I wanted to work for. Interviews everything was don’t through text. That was my mistake. I asked for a face to face interview and I was told” oh we will meet I just had a few minutes before a meeting so I figured I woukd ask a few question. I was then asked are you ready to start working for this company. Well I fell for all that. Quit job and my loved one actually picked me up to have me work with him. Then I find out I had no job at all. And no way to pay bills. I had figured out what was actually going on when I was talking to one of his actually coworkers. That he had pretended to be all these people.
He has burnt so many bridges with people that I fear that one day he will really me in serious trouble and no one will come running . I hope he gets help
Raj SDecember 14th, 2017 at 9:20 AM
How do I get help for my partner who lies all the time? we have been together for 10 years and I have just hit rock bottom, or so I think. my partner borrows money from people without telling me and lies about it if I find out. I am so scared that he has taken money from loan sharks and they will come assault him. He lost his job and constantly lies about getting a new job. Any time he has a interview he tells me he got the job. Sometimes he will work for a coupl eof days and then lose his job but will keep leaving the house at the same times to pretend he is still working. he cant say the truth about the simplest things. he started debtors anonymous and therapy but I was wondering if there was anything specific to help people like him. he has a lot of good in him. Also he’s had a difficult past, no family and growing up in foster care. But there has to be a way to break free of these behaviours. I feel terribly guilty thinking about separating from him since I am all he has and without me and a job he will really be on the streets.
December 14th, 2017 at
While we are not mental health professionals, speaking to a therapist about your concerns regarding your partner’s lying. If you would like to find a therapist near you, we recommend searching GoodTherapy.org’s directory of mental health professionals here:
You might also appreciate this blog post talking about how to help a loved one who needs therapy:
Derek SDecember 28th, 2017 at 4:53 AM
Is this treatable?
AndyJanuary 12th, 2018 at 12:17 PM
I had recently gotten into a drug problem… I’ve lately done nothing but lie and hurt everyone around me… I got innocent people in trouble and am trying to bring down some kids I believe are bad… I only recently realized I might have an issue with lying… looking back on my family i have had this issue with lying… but in the past few years it has gotten worse and worse… I am about to go to court… I think I’m gonna reveal everything and get treatment… I need the help… so I really do like how this form just told my entire life story in the best words… I’m gonna start seeking the help… thank you goodtherapy.org
YohantheLIARJanuary 20th, 2018 at 3:39 PM
I am a liar and I need help
Marie flippinJanuary 26th, 2018 at 10:07 AM
I have a 19 yr old daughter that lied about a great friend to us. She fabercated a story that he had strong feelings for me and wanted to be my boyfriend. I started getting texts from him supposely and he told me how he felt about me and i believed it. I got pics of him abd things he’d say lonely we knew and it went so far that i thought he had asked me to marry him and we went to where he worked and she went in came out with a ring in a bag that earrings go in with message wrote on front saying i love you will u marry me and then he called said sorry he couldn’t come out and give it to me but wanted to know what the answer was and i crying said yes and her sitting knowingly it wasn’t even from him or anything letting think it was. Letting me tell my family and friends i was marrying him abd it wasnt even true. Knowningly he was still engaged to his girlfriend letting me think they were not together anymore but then i told a lie about the way he puposed to me and that was wrong and got busted from the man and my family member and i wanted it to be true cause i really liked this man but still didn’t make it right to lie. But when i comfronted my daughter she will not admit it plays like it was this man doing it they face timed together sitting things up like vacations for us the wedding date specical Christmas together us moving in with him and helping him run his business etc. To where i thought i was texting his daughter and at Christmas i gave them presents where i put a heart felt letter in his telling him that i loved him and one in his daughters saying i loved her all just make me look like a crazy woman now that’s how he sees me crazy and sick. She let this go on for three months before the mans girlfriend caught on and confronted me on facebook and that’s when i figured out my own daughter done all this to me and our frinend and his girlfriend. I have never been so angry disgusted humiliated ashamed heartbroken in my life that my own daughter would do this to her own mother and other peoples lives and destory them like this and destory my trust in her and our friends trust in us. Please tell what to do on figuring this our.
Jdee3February 1st, 2018 at 8:35 PM
I completely understand! I dated a sociopath for two years and also have an online creep that continues to lie, stalk and harass me. My heart goes out to ppl in these situations as these severely messed up individuals belong in long term mental facilities. Hang in there and keep moving forward good ppl:)
Christian BFebruary 3rd, 2018 at 10:19 PM
The best friend I ever had was the light of my life and the only person who ever made me feel truly happy. I’ve wondered if I might ever see her on here. Her lies destroyed my life and I’m still trying to recover two years later. I’m not the only one she’s done things like this to, but certainly the worst. I can’t let go of my love for her because it was so unconditional, like an adopted daughter, and I swore I’d never abandon her, but she abandoned me and then came back, but then I sort of left her, not knowing how to handle things and everything got so severely and overwhelmingly worse after that. There’s a whole community that believes I’m something I’m not, and especially because of my own history, I can’t live being associated this way and I just want to die. I’m afraid if she doesn’t get the help she needs, she’s going to live her life like this, and soon I’m just going to fall by the wayside, losing forever the person I care more about than any other. Losing myself in the process. I still cry every single day. I can’t move on.
KathleenFebruary 5th, 2018 at 11:12 AM
For several years I have ignored the fact that my 23 yr old son is a pathological liar. It is a very very hard thing to say. But recently his lies for three years have all connected and it became apparent as I found out that he had lied and committed fraud with relatives who have been so supportive financially and emotionally. The lies all came tumbling out recently and as I dig deeper it is scary. He wont say the words as lie and steal, he will only say mistaken communications or that he found instead of stole. I don’t see any connection he has made to how his actions has had terrible fallout for all of those around him who love him. I feel that I have to make him confront what he has done and let hin know that he has to change, it wont be easy, and he needs help before our relationship can continue. I feel like I have to say to him it has to stop. If it doesn’t our relationship will not be the same. The lies over the past years has been over nothing to lies about his job, living abroad, receiving loans from relatives in which what happened is he forged a check. It didn’t even make any logic or sense. Does anyone have any ideas on how to speak with him? Thank you, Kathleen
Pugsley0134February 7th, 2018 at 7:37 PM
I don’t realize I lie until I get caught.
apacheApril 24th, 2018 at 11:37 PM
That’s awesome. Changes the level of trust for me. I’m gonna try it but I won’t get caught ;)
Mike HaSeptember 7th, 2018 at 11:32 PM
My advice, don’t subject yourself to a compulsive liar, they are wastes of time and energy. Trust me, life has so much worth once you get rid of the dirt.
spheFebruary 19th, 2018 at 5:02 AM
I also have a similar problem, I lie so much about stuff that I don’t really need to lie about, and its not because I want to be liked by others. I honestly don’t know why I do it and when it started, but looking back to my childhood I never used to lie about anything to anyone, I do not know when everything changed, I hate it, I have tried several times to train myself to stop but I cannot, It’s destroying my relationship and it makes me so sad, at times I do not even like looking at myself in the mirror.
S.JMarch 17th, 2018 at 4:50 AM
I have lied about something terrible since I was 17. I am almost 50. I have thought and though about it and have no idea why I did it. Every time I told the lie I felt terrible and frightened but still did so. The lie I told myself and others is deeply disgusting and shameful and I am horrified I did it. I have, at times, managed to convince myself it is true but it isn’t. I can’t work out what I gained from doing it. All it did was utterly destroy my life and I deserve that.
I am now very ill and it is destroying me. I am writing letters to the people I have told the lie to confessing what I have done. I hope I am brave enough to send them.
ChelseMarch 21st, 2018 at 11:59 PM
I have this same problem I lie about small stuff and big stuff. I’ve been on medicine and the medicine made me feel numb. I got pregnant and had to go off it cold turkey cause I didn’t want to hurt my baby. I destroyed my relationship with my boyfriend and the father of my child. And it’s not fair to him he didn’t do anything to deserve this. Lucky to god in my 28 years he’s the only person who ever really told me I had a problem and is sees the good in me and worship the ground I walk on. (I’m not lying I swear) but I lie to him about stuff I don’t even need to lie about. I was reading these amazing articles and it helped me and inspired me to be brave and amitte I have a problem. The thing is I lie to him cause I’m scared and I’m selfish. He the kind of man that tells you like it is to everyone and myself and it hurts my feelings at times. But at the same time I’ve never had that in my life. My mom also a liar a huge one where she won’t feel guilty or have a heart for no one and doesn’t care who she hurts. Did it so I think I’m not sure I picked up on her bad habit. But I don’t call the police on people and say someone hit me when they didn’t. Growing up was hell from the beginning my parents were married my mom cheated on my dad then came John the saten of all Staten. He abuses my sister and my mom and I. She stayed with him for a long time until my grandmother stayed one week with us and gave my mom her check book and told us to get out. She was the lucky one. My mom never stood us for us even when her boyfriend blacked my eye by smaking my head into a countertop in the bathroom. Which I had to lie about going to school with bruised eye. I was always so worried as a kid. The one time I told my teacher my dad had to come and pick me up from school and she was telling my dad how I don’t concentrate in school. I broke down I really did I told her how John graped me by my neck and tried to choke me in front of my mom. And she seemed worried at the time but still staye. My next nightmare came when cps came to the house and they asked me questions what happened. My mom told me that if told them what happened they would take us away before they got there she new there we’re coming cause my dad told her what was going on. and she cried and made me feel bad. So i lied for her. Then I found myself living a lies. I made up this happy home life to tell to people and family. Cause I would get beat if I told the truth and I would just get plain beat. Well I got to high school and had a eating disorder from being called fat my whole life. And I lied about that so I wouldn’t be teased. I finally left my moms house when I was sixteen to live with my loving dads family. And they asked me what happened and I lied to them about te horrible details. I told them things that wouldn’t keep my grandma up all night worrying but she found out by my sister. Who tells it like how it is. I got my life together worked went to school and I started a new school so I created this new life and more lies. I couldn’t just tell my friends hey I had to leave my mentally ill mother who was trying to move in with a new guy who just got out of prison for killing someone. ( self defense). She says but I got a bad vibe off him he drank a lot. And would say horrible things to me. And her ex boyfriend almost beat us to death and had some problems with his temper. So I stated a new lie chapter. And I really honestly to god don’t want to live if I live like this. This is my fault I live like this I’m miserable. I never took in the drug or drinking problem but I took on lying as a addition and that’s the worst kind. I’m slowly trying to get out of this rut I pray a lot I don’t know if the big guy can hear me up there and my grandma but I like to this so. But your not alone and all the people on here that amited it I salute you cause this was hard for me to write this. For my high proud self but inside I’m broken as well. And I know that god will help me through this and I want my little girl to be proud of her mama and I would love to have my boyfriend in my life forever and you guys helped me so thank you. I can’t destroy my family over something this crazy that I done to myself and Half to tell my daughter why her dad and I can’t be together. Well because I hurt him and lied to him. That’s why you don’t have two parents that live together.
Larry C M.April 6th, 2018 at 4:35 AM
The GoodTherapy.org TeamApril 6th, 2018 at 6:24 AM
If you would like to consult with a mental health professional, please feel free to return to our homepage, http://www.goodtherapy.org/, and enter your zip code into the search field to find therapists in your area.
The GoodTherapy.org Team
thindiApril 30th, 2018 at 2:37 PM
I feel for all of you who are struggling. You CAN get better. Therapy DOES help. I do not have this problem but I have a ton of others and am very grateful for the therapy I have gotten. It gave me a new lease on life. Try to think of yourself as a person with a lying problem.. not a liar.. You deserve help and ways to deal with your issues. It is hard I know to go to therapy and be honest but it is worth it. As one book says “you shall know the truth and the truth will set you free but first it will make you miserable.
JorgeMay 7th, 2018 at 3:15 PM
I dont…well cant really remember the last time I told the truth I’m tired of the lying I do it for a bunch of reasons sometimes for acceptance, but most of the time it’s to get people off of my back and to just leave me alone but I’m tired if being alone I want to be abke to make friends for who I am its gotten so bad that my own family doesnt believe a word I say I avoid them so much because I feel like everything that will come out of my mouth will be a lie to them I just wish i had someone to talk to and help me
May 7th, 2018 at
Thank you for your comment, Jorge. If you would like to consult with a mental health professional, please feel free to return to our homepage, http://www.goodtherapy.org/, and enter your zip code into the search field to find therapists in your area. If you’re looking for a counselor that practices a specific type of therapy, or who deals with specific concerns, you can make an advanced search by clicking here: http://www.goodtherapy.org/advanced-search.html
Once you enter your information, you’ll be directed to a list of therapists and counselors who meet your criteria. From this list you can click to view our members’ full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information. Alternatively, you are welcome to call us for assistance finding a therapist. We are in the office Monday through Friday from 8 a.m. to 4 p.m. Pacific Time; our phone number is 888-563-2112 ext. 1.
If you are experiencing a life-threatening emergency, in danger of hurting yourself or others, feeling suicidal, overwhelmed, or in crisis, it’s very important that you get immediate help! Information about what to do in a crisis is available here: http://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html
SummersMay 8th, 2018 at 6:52 AM
I lie all the time I can’t help it
Kent D.May 14th, 2018 at 9:12 PM
My mother in law is a pathological liar. She claims to be allergic to a number of things when her own doctor told me she has no allergies whatsoever. She claims she was in a Nazi concentration camp toward the end of World War II which I don’t believe to be true as she wasn’t Jewish and her parents did not fit the profile or narrative of those who were imprisoned. She claims she took ballet lessons for years as a child even though she was a refugee raised by a single mother whose husband left her for drink. She had to work 3 jobs to pay for a room in a boarding house so I find it hard to believe there would be any disposable income leftover for dance lessons.
I don’t confront her because obviously she has a mental illness. She lies to make herself feel more interesting or to feel special and/or to get attention. I suspect she was a very lonely and sad child growing up. Her father was a drunken bum, her mother was busy working and fobbed her off to any European friend who could look after her. I just reckon she had an unhappy childhood devoid of love and attention. So, she lies to make an ordinary sad life appear more interesting and triumphant. Maybe one day I’ll confront her about it, but I probably won’t.
GJanuary 21st, 2019 at 6:45 PM
It’s not unlikely that she is actually experiencing delusions, which are quite serious. These types of delusions wouldn’t necessarily be uncommon. If even when her doctor says “no” she still continues to say that. It’s quite likely she believes it even though it’s not true, and the thing about the Nazi Concentration Camp, could also be a delusion.
BradyMay 16th, 2018 at 7:08 AM
Dating a chronic liar!!!!!!
KathyMay 16th, 2018 at 10:03 AM
I dated a chronic liar, he was Bipolar. He went out digging looking for something to find against me and when he couldn’t find anything to use against me, he started making up stuff…these people are toxic and you need to get rid of them. They will break your heart leave you high and dry, just like my ex did me . Just stay away from people like this, they are toxic and are nothing but trouble .
RachJuly 12th, 2018 at 9:48 PM
My ex bf told me he had stage 4 Cancer, He won a 2 million dollar settlement and wanted to marry me. Meanwhile he found some hideous Sugar Mommy who was the one buying all his s***, I think “S$$$e (not her real name) bought me my lovely Christmas presents. “Hey thanks” He was a liar and cheater.
GillianJuly 13th, 2018 at 9:29 AM
I have just recently broken up with my partner, who was a pathological liar. We were childhood sweethearts and he was a liar back then. However, he was in an abusive relationship (unless that was a lie, not sure) and throughout our relationship (lasted 6 years) he has accused me of having affairs with men I have never even met. Often having sex with multiple men at one time. Having sex in every room in his father’s large house. Having group sex in a van outside my mother’s house. Bringing my deceased father into the lie by saying that my father warned him that I liked big men and that if he was wasn’t well endowed he should leave. My father didn’t talk about sex if a sex scene came on the TV he would walk out of the room (my father was raped at the age of 15 in The Royal Navy). I have since found out that my partner had been abused at the age of 8 by a friend of the family who was only about 15 himself and that his sister used to take him to his abuser. In his marriage, prior to meeting me again after 20 years, he was sexually abused by his sister-in-law and apparently his wife had slept with half the village. I have a high moral compass, I hate lies and I do not have affairs or approve of them. His stories are fantasies and they keep changing every time he tells them. They hurt so much and have seriously affected my self esteem and confidence. When we went out I had to have my eyes to the ground at all times so as not to engage anybody, especially a man. It was totally demoralising and has done untold damage to my mental health. He would get aggressive and angry a lot of the time. It would get out of control when he was stressed the lies just come flying all hurtful and always sexually explicit with no evidence to back up anything he said. I only recently had the courage to get out of the relationship. I managed to get him to talk to the police about the abuse, which has partially made things worse. I have convinced him to talk to a Dr about the abuse. I have a degree in Psychology and I have told him that I believe he is a psychopathic liar brought on by his abuse as child and then made worse by his abuse at his sister-in-laws hands but of course he doesn’t believe me.
Apache1775July 21st, 2018 at 2:08 AM
That is why you move on. I lived through a two year nightmare similar to that and got the hell out. My guess is that be is doing what he is accusing you of so don’t waste your time. I’ve since then, found a man who is stable and that nice it’s amazing. Sometimes I have to why I stuck it so long, stop wasting your years and get with someone who makes you happy.
D ThornAugust 22nd, 2018 at 10:32 PM
thanks you really help me
DessyOctober 7th, 2018 at 10:06 AM
There is a way to find out why people are lying and dont know why.
May be you can try pastlife hypnotherapy. There are some corelation of last life and recent life. Its like unfinshed business in the past.
Or there were an childhood experiences that subconsiously imprinted causing unconsiously lying. Its needs hypnotherapies to re adjust the pastlife (they called it pastlife regression technique) so subconsiously they will be returned to real life
Robert LNovember 30th, 2018 at 2:31 AM
I need help with my pathological lying.
AnthonyDecember 10th, 2018 at 6:13 PM
I lie about everything my kids friends mother lovers jobs. Everything. And I have done it for years.
MelJanuary 8th, 2019 at 6:42 PM
I’m a compulsive and pathological liar, who basically lies about everything. I need help.
The GoodTherapy.org TeamJanuary 10th, 2019 at 2:16 PM
If you would like to consult with a mental health professional, you can start finding therapists in your area by entering your city or ZIP code into the search field on this page: https://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html.
Once you enter your information, you’ll be directed to a list of therapists and counselors who meet your criteria. You may click to view our members’ full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information. If you need help finding a therapist, you are welcome to call us. We are in the office Monday through Friday from 8:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. Pacific Time, and our phone number is 888-563-2112.
The GoodTherapy Team
MoFebruary 11th, 2019 at 10:34 PM
I have worked so hard to try and move pass this. And here I am soon to be 32 and its back. I was doing so good for so long. But if I look at myself trufuly that is not true. I am about to lose my family. I came out and toll my husband of 10 years. That I am a liar and I have been for all my life. I have kids with him. I love my kid and love my husband more then anything. They are my hole world. And I am losing my world. I toll him I need help I need to go to treatment. I already see a therapist once a week. As I also suffer from generalized anxiety and very painful PTSD from my childhood and teenage years. And when I look back at my history I started lying to control my environment. When I had my fist baby I swore to myself I would not do it again. I would stop for my baby when I looked at my babies face I pray to God that I would spot. pray to God that I would be able to have a healthy relationship and have a healthy mind and be healthy mom . But I lost the battle and I lost the battle hard. It started full floors after I did some DMT that’s where they tried to re-count memories for PTSD and I found myself in a very uncomfortable situation and my anxiety grew my nightmares started happening again and then I started lying again. And now my family’s is not ok. And mentally I am beyond is not OK. I wish I could just disappear and act like I never existed with the thought of leaving my children is the most heartbreaking and I’m scared my husband will take them away from me with all of the other stuff I have it just adds to him being able to take my baby away .
ErikAugust 4th, 2019 at 5:51 AM
My whole life is a lie. When I meet new people I make up stories and play the victim all the time in order to gain sympathy and the friendship of others. I lie in order to get what o want and I don’t care if I hurt anyone along the way or of the effect it may have on others lives. I only care about myself it’s all I know.
Tommy bSeptember 11th, 2019 at 5:02 PM
I make stories up about everything
ImaditzyblndOctober 3rd, 2019 at 1:06 AM
Hi, I am everything stated above here. I play victim all the time and consequences for me have been slim to none for now at age 31. I get scared and run… Blame others for my mistakes and don’t take charge of my own life. My heart is hurting as I numbly write this. I run, that’s all I know is to run and hide. Friends and family are slim because of my choices. I ran so far I became homeless, no job, no nothing. How my chest hurts because I’m feeling the pain of what is caused by my choices and reality. I will come back though, for me it’s choosing when am I going to stop what I hate and do something I love and are willing to tolerate…
AmandaOctober 6th, 2019 at 1:25 AM
I am speechless and I guess stunned, I am 29 and I have allot of the same traits as an accused liar has but even when I’m completely being honest my bf doesn’t believe a word that comes out of my mouth. I also get it considering I lied to him in the past so even though I’m completely honest to him it doesn’t matter either way I guess I have a serious problem that I need to get handled quickly. My relationship is on the rocks and I love him I don’t want to lose him. I know for sure if I lose him I’ll lose myself. This was hard to swallow and now I’ve got to tell him I do have a problem and I’ve recognized it and I’m going to get the help I need. I will not stand for it to keep ruini g my relationship which in turn is technically my entire life.
DiaryOfALiarOctober 12th, 2019 at 10:52 PM
I am a compulsive liar and often do so in a methodical fashion. Reading the comments I’m going to give an insight into my life though I don’t even know where it began. I’m beginning to think I might be possessed by evil, it’s like the bible says about the Devil “When he lies, he speaks his native language, because he is a liar and the father of lies.” Lying for me is as natural as breathing air, it’s not controllable and is like something I do in order to survive. Sometimes in the middle of telling a lie I will disassociate from the interaction and lie that I am telling and in my head I’ll ask myself “Why are you telling this lie?” or “You know none of this is true.” It’s honestly like looking at myself from a third person point of view, where in my head I’m screaming “Just stop!” while the words and lies spew out of my pathetic mouth like an eruption, as if my body shifts into some lie autopilot and I am this prisoner watching and hearing myself lie. It’s what drives me to believe I am possessed, or perhaps I want to believe that as my way of coping with the fact I am just a wicked woman. Rotten from the core.
I hate that I lie and I want to change, but even typing those words might be a lie in itself. I don’t know what is right or real anymore. I’ll lie for no reason, to get my point across, to look better or to hide something I’m ashamed of. I lie on small trivial things, or I tell huge lies. And on top of being a liar I am also fantasy prone(?) Because my own life is so uneventful I often dream up marvelous stories and plot-lines for my life or some made up characters I will portray. Sometimes I will lay in my bed for hours on end playing out this fantasy world in my daydreams, and because I have an extremely detailed imagination and elephant like memory I will often incorporate my false made up world into my real world and tell these wondrous events that have occurred in my fantasy to others as if it were true (even though I know full well it’s a lie). This article hits home hard, the only point I differ is that when I am caught in my lie I rarely try to cover it up or continue to lie. Once a lie has been found out I admit to it, apologize, distance myself or cut ties, and move on. This is extremely toxic. I can’t ever have any real friendships/relationship as all of my friends/lovers aren’t even real because the person they like isn’t even the real me! I have told so many lies with intricate twists and turns I could write several novels and create a host of series on them for eons to come and I’m just in my mid twenties! The very fact I am here today is because I was just caught in a new lie I just created the other day. Getting caught is a rare event for me indeed. My lies are so well analyzed I’m rarely caught, but I was caught by someone I liked in a very stupid lie. One that wasn’t even needed to tell, yet like a thirsty animal smelling a water stream I thirsted to tell another pointless lie. I think I came searching for help because this is the first time in a LONG time that I have been caught and it’s hit me hard. I felt guilty and replayed the events leading up to this small lie, however I’m not even sure if I’m upset that I was caught necessarily but that I was caught in a lie that was so useless. After getting caught I’ve been trying to understand why I bothered to tell this lie in the first place. It’s one thing to get caught lying to hide something or to gain attention but I could have done without this lie. Even writing this I feel disgusted that my thoughts aren’t filled with more regret and instead I’m thinking I should have continued on with another lie instead of the worthless risky one that I’d gotten caught in. Maybe on top of my lying ways I have some narcissistic traits tossed into the mix as well.
I’ve read what I’ve wrote here so far several times, all with mixed emotions, my hatred for myself is festering and bubbling over the more I continue. The only solid thing I’m sure of is I hate hurting people which doesn’t make sense. And as sick as it sounds I try to keep my lies from ever getting found out to avoid others feeling hurt over my not being truthful, and it eats me up inside daily. An idiotic roundabout way I live when all I would have to do is tell the truth from the start. I apologized for the lie I was caught in earlier, and because it was a minuscule lie they said they “I’m no mad you came clean quickly too.” and “it’s okay, you’re always honest, what’s one small lie.” Hearing those words sends chills down my spine, and though this person has likely no inkling to other lies I’ve told to them, because there is this small crack in the wall of perfection I’ve formed I have no choice but to slowly distance myself…….please….someone…anyone…help me…I’m sick…. I can see it and feel it. Where do I even get help? If I get help will I just lie as if I’m getting better? My sanity is spinning like propellers. I’m probably going to hell for all my blasphemy’s, I mentally manifested my own nightmares. I want to find peace or even a way to maintain. I feel like a loser, I’m living in misery, I’ve burned all my bridges and heck I’m not even writing my side anymore I’m just crying for help. This might be the start of depression because my reality is the farthest thing from real and I’m loosing it, if I’m being honest everything I’ve said is illogical and yet it’s my life. It’s at the point I can see nothing in my life is even real.
The GoodTherapy.org TeamOctober 13th, 2019 at 8:10 AM
Thank you for sharing your comment. If you would like to consult with a mental health professional, please feel free to return to our homepage, http://www.goodtherapy.org/, and enter your postal/zip code into the search field to find therapists in your area. If you’re looking for a counselor that practices a specific type of therapy, or who deals with specific concerns, you can make an advanced search by clicking here: http://www.goodtherapy.org/advanced-search.html
Once you enter your information, you’ll be directed to a list of therapists and counselors who meet your criteria. From this list, you can click to view our members’ full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information. Please contact us if you have any questions.
If you are experiencing a life-threatening emergency, in danger of hurting yourself or others, feeling suicidal, overwhelmed, or in crisis, it’s very important that you get immediate help! Information about what to do in a crisis is available here: http://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html
StudentOctober 24th, 2019 at 11:13 AM
Who is the Author of this article?
ZabrinaNovember 10th, 2019 at 9:54 PM
My girlfriend lies a lot about the littlest things that does not need to be lied about but only because she doesn’t want me to get mad, how can I help her with her compulsive lying?
JeaniferNovember 11th, 2019 at 10:12 AM
I have been with my boyfriend for 9 years. I have never met anyone like him. He lies constantly, will make up stuff just so we will argue, he will deny everything even if there’s prove. He knows I will quit talking to someone if I find out they shouldn’t be in my life, like a friend of his talks about us behind our back to people and then will come to us talking about them, after I caught on to what she was doin I told boyfriend to keep her away from me and he says he doesn’t want anything to do with her either but then I will see his call log on phone and he’s still communicating with her, but I believe he keeps me away from her so I don’t find out about him. I feel like everything is a big game to him, he told me he has always been a liar, and always cheated so maybe he’s just used to lying. I don’t know what his problem is but it’s driving me crazy. If something doesn’t change soon I’m leaving him and getting as far away as I can. Any advice on how to deal with someone like this would be greatly appreciated. I don’t know if he’s a pathological liar, sociopath, narcissistic, or just plain crazy. Anything I say to him he will say to me. He can’t think on his own. He always thinks im doin stuff behind his back or saying that I’m sneaky. But he has know reason to think that, only what he’s made up in his mind. When we argue he will say whatever he can to hurt me, but the thing is, everything he says, is exactly the way he is. He tells on himself sometimes. It’s just crazy. I’m 38 years old and all the game playing is getting old, I have no reason to lie because I don’t do anything to lie, I don’t want anyone else if I did I would be woman enough to leave the relationship. I hate arguing, I can do that with anyone. I just want a normal relationship and I believe it’s never going to happen with him. Thanks for listening. Any advice?
D. L.November 30th, 2019 at 3:24 PM
I feel like I am the fall guy; the victim of those who choose too lie! People just lie to me for absolutely NO reason. It doesn’t matter about the subject matter or circumstances, I get the non-truths! So, in the essence of spreading nonstop fictional dialogue, I play along now, remove my feelings from the situation and the endless disrespect aimed at me and NOW, I just don’t give a damn … I LIE RIGHT BACK! The odd thing is, after it’s all said and done, they never call me on it. SMH!
D.L.November 30th, 2019 at 3:40 PM
I’m not happy with the person I’ve become but, I love my family and friends. This new behavior keeps in the loop and connected. I’m now searching for a new remedy to combat this whole situation.
VanessaDecember 18th, 2019 at 5:30 AM
I see a lot of comments saying “don’t be with a person (couples) who lies to you” this and such but when the lier is your mom then what I cannot the fire her ??!!?!
LawalJanuary 5th, 2020 at 2:54 PM
I have a very big lying problem and it’s about to ruin my life, pls I need help I need to stop telling lies
DaytonFebruary 27th, 2020 at 9:06 AM
I have a very big problem with lying and it’s about to ruin my life
Empathy is a CurseApril 24th, 2020 at 6:33 PM
Marie flippin my goddess that is effn brutal! My relationship with my mothers (my mom’s sister raised me while she was imprisoned) is tumultuous, to say the least, (on her death bed I lied to my aunt and told her she had been a good mother because I didn’t want her to pass on guilt ridden & haunting me. Plus by that time the cancer had left her almost immobile and unable to speak) and I have so much internalized resentment towards my mother for choosing a life of crime and drugs that our relationship is affecting my own with my daughter (sometimes she talks to me the way I talk to my mom, even though I’ve explained to her our relationship is different than the one I have with her. There were times she would go in a store and not come back out because she had been arrested while inside leaving me in the car with whatever random friend we were with, and I was barely a toddler) but I can honestly say I would never EVER do something like what your daughter did to you. It was cruel 😢 and vicious. I can’t imagine what you could have done to deserve that. I don’t know what you could do to repair the relationship or how you’ll ever be able to trust her. She went to such elaborate lengths to convince you her lie was the truth, but if I can be frank you seemed to have made it easy for her to do. If he was a great friend, why did you never speak to him on the phone or see him in person? I don’t believe you formed a romantic relationship to the point of marriage simply through txt. You never looked at his FB? And when you went to his job to get the ring, who the hell called you and said he couldn’t come out? Didn’t you know how your friend’s voice sounds? I mean come on honey, I know you wanted to believe but there is a difference between believing and gullibility. Still, you didn’t deserve that, no one does. I shudder to think what karma has in store for your daughter….
I would find a good group therapy, because you need a shoulder or two to cry on.
I wish you the best. Email me if you want to talk.
ElliotMay 14th, 2020 at 2:43 PM
Because I’m a crappy person, among many other things, I always lie I can’t stop myself from doing it and I don’t know why, I have liar in all caps and written in scar tissue and sharpie on my chest. it is the reason that I am so depressed. Nobody can trust me anymore, I hate myself.
MrL0G1CMay 20th, 2020 at 1:25 AM
So what effect does having a president who is a pathological liar have? It’s an honest question, Donald Trump lies around 10 times a day – what effect does that have on his supporters?
BellaJune 12th, 2020 at 5:52 PM
Hi. I always lie and I am aware that I lied to get the attention or the sympathy of the other party. Is it because of a childhood trauma? When I was in 4th grade i was accused of stealing and in fear that my parents will scold me and be hated… I lied that I stole it even i did not. I was bullied but managed it. Some of my classmates believed that i stole it but some didnt because they knew me that i wouldnt do it. In frequent conversations i always add some lie in the truth and somehow it makes me happy to get the spotlight. I also have the superwoman complex where i want to be perfect but I know I am not perfect. Years passed I studied and worked well but there are times like my brain is making up a situation or a story with my co workers and it does affect my emotions… it makes me happy, sad or even angry for no reason .. is it delusion? But i am still aware of my reality .. I tried to open up with a friend but I didn’t tell her everything. Is it because I am afraid of being rejected? I know its not normal and when I lie i know that its not good but still I lie.. lying seems to be so natural as if i really did it but i didnt. I dont wanna lose the trust of the few how can I stop myself? How can i control it? Doi really need to go to a psychiatrist?
MalakJune 25th, 2020 at 1:25 PM
MalakJune 25th, 2020 at 1:26 PM
So good and useful.
KathleenJuly 30th, 2020 at 9:47 PM
Failure is due to the neglect of fineness, and success begins with the importance of small things
AlexisSeptember 2nd, 2020 at 3:50 PM
I fell in love with a pathological or compulsive liar. I’m only 16. I know it was love because I’ve had feelings for boys before but never like this. I’ve never loved anyone else the way I love him. I never connected with someone so fast and easily, I never had someone be a part of me like that. He would always tell me those same things. He told me we would make it out of highschool and that we would get married and have this beautiful life with kids. I really believed him. He told me he never loved anyone as much as he loved me, he said I was the only one who truly understood him. I felt the same way. But he would lie, a lot. They started off as small lies, like which classes he was in or what he was doing after school or the weekend. But they grew. Of course I didn’t know these were lies until recently when everything came out. It hurts because it feels like my entire world is coming down around me, he was my entire world. I now know he lied about things his parents did or said, he lied to me about having a dead baby sister. He told me he wrote and made songs for me, he would always play these songs for me whenever we would facetime or anything. A while ago my other friend told me that I should look into those songs and said they weren’t his, but I was so in love with him and happy that someone loved me enough to write songs for me that I refused to look into it and believe her. I gave him the benefit of the doubt. When other stuff he lied to me about came out last night I put the words of one of the songs he claimed he wrote into google and it wasn’t his. None of the songs were. He played a totally different artists songs for me that came out in like 2018 and told me they were about me. Everything was the same, the beat, the melody, and the words. He never wrote anything for me. I also started lying because of him. I never used to lie to my parents but I would always lie to them about seeing him because that’s how much I loved him. I felt guilty every time but I always said it was okay. My parents found out about my lies recently and ended up taking my phone away and reading my messages with him. My mother said that he was being manipulative in all those texts, that his suggestions were causing me to lie and act out of character. My mother told me that she heard from a really reliable source that he is a pathological liar, and I know my mother. She would not tell me that if she didn’t believe it was true. Now I’m not allowed to see him anymore. I still love him and miss him, I see him every day at school now and I breakdown at home every day. I don’t know what else he lied to me about, I’m starting to think he was using me for my body and affection because he was my first for everything. We never went all the way sexually but we got very close. He’s my first kiss, first love, and so much more. I don’t even know if he ever truly loved me or not. My parents won’t allow me to contact him so there’s no way for me to get closure or answers from him, then again I don’t know how many of those answers would be true or not. I love him more than I love myself, I opened up to him and trusted him with things I never told anyone else. He’s the only person who knows everything about me, and he lied to me about (probably) everything. I’ve always been told I’m too kind and forgiving to people who don’t deserve it, and I suppose that’s true. I helped him through so much, I apologized every time I even slightly upset him. I only wanted to help him, I cared more about his mental health than mine. I still do, even though he lied to me about so much to the point where I don’t know what’s true or not, I still love him and want him back. I’m wearing his hoodie as I write this. My heart has never been so broken. I don’t know what to do. I just want to flip a switch and have him back, I want to fix him and help him with his lying problem even though I can’t contact him and he probably never truly loved me the same way. I miss him. I don’t know what to do, I want the hurt to stop. I always put him first and I would do so again in an instant. I love him so much and I still have to see him every day knowing he knows everything about me and I may not know anything true about him. I still worry about him. I can’t stop thinking of how happy he made me, how safe and peaceful I felt in his arms, how beautiful his smile is, how much he made me laugh, how it felt to kiss him, how he was my best friend and now he’s a stranger to me. I know I shouldn’t miss him knowing how much he lied to me but he made me so happy, I love him so much. He made me promises and I feel stupid for not only falling for all of them, but for a part of me still believing them. A part of me still believes he’ll change and come back. I fell for someone who lied to me and manipulated me into having strained relationships with not only many of my friends, but my parents too. I never used to lie to my parents but I did for him. Now I’ve lost their trust and he’s probably fine. But I still want him back, he’s all I ever wanted and he’s all I still want. I give anything for another chance to help him with his lying problem, or even just to be in his arms again. I know I’ll feel better with time but I’ve never been so heartbroken and confused in my life before because of his lies.
DaphneSeptember 19th, 2020 at 6:49 AM
Alexis, I found your comment because I came here after googling “why do people become compulsive liars”. I have my own reasons for wanting to know, but I wound up reading your story and relating to it, because my issues with lying harken back to when I was very young like you….(16). When you are 16 people are always telling you that you are super-young, but I remember being 16 and feeling very adult (like I am sure you felt when you were with your boyfriend). You wrote this on Sept 2 and now it is Sept 19 and if I were a betting person I’d bet you’ve gotten in touch with him by now. Am I wrong? I know what it is like to love someone at the tender age of 16, it is no joke. I remember it clearly. Did you read the article above? In it the theory that repetitive lying stems from wanting to be seen in a good light. This is what your bf did when he stole songs and said he wrote them about you. He is not capable of that level of creativity (yet) so he just went there to impress you. People who lie lie lie are just trying to make up for what they see as deficiencies and it is pretty easy to “emulate” others to look better. When I was your age I became embroiled in a huge lying situation (I was the liar). Of course, we broke up over it and it all hurt with the same level of emotion you described. He did NOT forgive me and we went on with our lives…but I learned so much from that experience and slowly I became a much better person over it. I sought out honest people and their honesty wore off on me. I’d classify myself as 100% recovered from compulsive lying. I just wanted to reply directly to you and tell you that there is hope for your first love…but it is not all that likely that it is going to come from you. You need the distance that your parents want you to have from him. You need to respect yourself and devoting yourself to someone who lies constantly is not the way to go. The young man you love is not real, he has invented himself. You’ll never forget your first love (I never did) but remember, you must spend time with people whom you RESPECT and who are honest. People who deserve your trust.
AlanDecember 8th, 2020 at 8:20 AM
I can’t stop even though I know it hurts the ones that care about me
LizDecember 31st, 2020 at 7:16 PM
I lie about lots of things big and small, I lied about having a disorder for 6 years and among other things. The lies come naturally and I don’t know why. I want help but am afraid I’ll either not get better or I’ll relapse, or that deep down I don’t care. I haven’t been able to trust my own thoughts or emotions anymore because of all this doubt ever since I acknowledged I have a lying problem. I lost most friends and now I feel alone and like I should shoot myself.
I have a therapist and a psychiatrist and I’m doing DBT for a personality disorder but I’m scared that I’m not gonna get better with anything and that my conditions will never get better.
JessicaJanuary 5th, 2021 at 7:49 AM
JesseJanuary 30th, 2021 at 11:06 AM
I’m a liar.
DaphneJanuary 30th, 2021 at 1:53 PM
I’m no expert but I think people lie in order to have an interesting story so that people will like them. So it’s good to think about what kind of person you’d like to be and start hanging out with people like that! In other words seek honest people and strive to be like them. At the same time develop actual interests and work diligently on that. You’ll become interesting as a by product. It’s never to late. I don’t lie anymore. Everyone can reverse all this.
RenelleFebruary 5th, 2021 at 1:46 PM
Looking for information on lieing and why people lie. Been lieing to my husband for a long time. Also, lie for other reasons and in other situations. I still talk about praying.
But, I do continue to dwell with the sins that keep going on and doing the same thing. Been cheating on my husband for awhile.
I keep secret pictures, meet up with a guy here and there. Email a guy. Go online and chat. I have believed my husband is too dumb to find out.
Gifts. Marital waste. Hinting. I work and have to travel. Or, say I am going to one place and go somewhere else. Not realizing one of the guys I have been with is a liar. He has been with other females while I have been with him.
DaphneFebruary 6th, 2021 at 12:26 PM
Renelle, I googled “why do people lie” and there is a lot of information out there. From my own research I have ascertained that a lot of compulsive liars experienced some form of childhood trauma. For myself I was left alone and neglected for long stretches during my formative years. Additionally, there was not much interesting happening around me so I would make things up, in order to seem like a more normal and experienced person. I “borrowed” other people’s stories because I didn’t think my own experiences were notable. I did this so much it became hard to undo, I would repeat things that happened to other people (not me) well into adulthood. I started to believe some of the stories were actually mine. Like that “crazy” roommate of mine who ate the other roommates birthday cake (I didn’t have a roommate at all but I kept that story as my own for many years. Eventually I did become an honest person. Lying to cover infidelity is not different than other kinds of lying, in that you know in your heart that it is not good for you or the people involved. You might not be asking for advice here, but if I were permitted to provide some I’d suggest you step back to think about your growing up years, examine those years for unresolved childhood trauma. The idea is not to place blame or become a victim but only to identify the source. No one starts out life lying about everything and nothing. It was some sort of coping mechanism for you and me. So, think about how to put those long ago problems to rest. It may mean talking it out with a therapist or a friend. Lying becomes addictive, but so does truth! If you begin identifying the stem cause and become honest about it you can reverse compulsive lying. I did. :)
ZeraApril 4th, 2021 at 11:11 PM
I’m also currently suffering compulsive lying. I have a habit of lying with anything – small lies to big lies. I believe that this started when I was in Grade 8 and now, I’m currently in Grade 9. I always tell stories to my friends that didn’t happen at all. I used to believe that the life I was living is great but in reality it is not. There are no interesting things happened to me. That results to having a compulsive lying. I tell them stories to make myself interesting and gain some friends. That went months and years, the lying continues. I used to believe some of the lies I tell – which is embarrassing to tell. My friends notice that I always lie about everything but they didn’t confront me about it. After years have passed, I apologized to them for all the things that I have said to them. I explain to them that maybe I have this and they said, they understand and they even tried to help me get rid of it.
DaphneApril 5th, 2021 at 3:45 PM
Zera, good for you, recognizing that lying is a serious issue. You would be so smart to confront this now in 9th grade instead of waiting many years into adulthood. You’ll be able to prevent many bad problems if you start solving the problem now. Begin by seeking the counsel of a person older than you who you respect. Start there and find out what they think you should do to exact actual change and do it. It’s a habit so it might be like two steps back and one step forward, but as long as you move forward, you’ve got a real chance to become an honest person. Doesn’t hurt to identify someone honest who you admire and begin emulating them.
MonicaMay 16th, 2021 at 5:15 AM
Forgive me for I have sinned
RyanJune 29th, 2021 at 3:10 AM
I’m a compulsive liar and I just can’t stop. I love doing it to get attention.
MarcoJuly 2nd, 2021 at 6:15 PM
Sometimes, like in my case, it’s taught by parents. I was told to make the story sound good, just lie about the facts, it’s ok. Then you get that high from impressing people with your bullshit story and thinking you got away with it. So why not do it again, and again. Maybe start lying about other things too why not? You get to the point where you feel like the truth is a waste of time. It took decades for me to sort of snap out of it, not really. My default is to automatically bullshit people, especially when we first meet.
H TarascoJuly 18th, 2021 at 10:13 PM
This describes President Biden perfectly.
SoniaJuly 22nd, 2021 at 8:46 AM
I am a compulsive lier and need help!
Sara GTJuly 22nd, 2021 at 3:59 PM
Dear Sonia, We at GoodTherapy are here to help. Please search for a mental health professional in your area by entering your city or ZIP code into the search field on this page: https://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html. Once done, you’ll be directed to a list of practitioners who meet your criteria. You may click to view our members’ full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information. If you need help finding a therapist, please contact us directly. We are in the office Monday through Friday from 8:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. Mountain Time, and our phone number is 888-563-2112 ext 3. Kind regards, The GoodTherapy Team
MaximJuly 27th, 2021 at 6:54 PM
I can’t stop lying and cheating
GayOctober 5th, 2021 at 1:28 PM
I love to lie. I pretend to be a Christian, while I am a muslim.
FraiserOctober 9th, 2021 at 3:07 PM
I have made small white lies to my girlfriend and recently got caught out.
I lied about smoking (vape) in the house and this is the second time I’ve been caught smoking. She could smell it in the room and on my breath, but I still lied.
I then convinced her i hadn’t, and she found it in my pocket later.
She is very upset and thinks I can lie about anything, as I was convincing.
In truth, I just didn’t want the bother of having to explain that I just fancied a smoke. But now I’ve lied, it looks so terrible and looks like Ivan lie about everything without remorse.
Because this has happened a few times (I say only, but they’ve always been small, not unfaithful etc) I am scared this could cause a major rift in our relationship.
I feel sometimes that I don’t get enough personal space to myself, and I lie which makes things much worse.
We have been together for 3 years, and we do work very well together, fancy each other, and find each other fun.
What steps can I take to stop these lies?
karanJanuary 2nd, 2022 at 10:49 AM
Hello there my name is Karan i m from India, my problem is when I m telling honestly people are understanding lying, and even my wife also, today i have told lye to my wife when I want to tell honestly.
I don’t no what to do, please help me.
katieFebruary 13th, 2022 at 4:46 AM
im not sure how to even start this off but i wanted to work on this and become better as a person and not lie my way out of everything, i am 16 years old and i use lying to get out of getting yelled at or confronted. i do it because im scared of it confrontation is my biggest fear i absolutely hate being in trouble or getting yelled at so i avoid it by lying but i have learn that it affects peoples trust with me and causes more confrontation but i picked up this habit since i was a little girl my parents and family always lied about everything and i feel really bad for doing it because it messes up my relationships and friendships with everyone and i dont do it to hurt the other person it just slips out when i feel anxious or that im about to get yelled at by someone i want to learn how to do better and work with my anxiety about these things so i can learn to tell the truth when i feel scared of the outcome, i dont mean to or even want to hurt people its just a fast reaction and coping mechanism i picked up at an early age how do i fix this ?.
DaphneFebruary 13th, 2022 at 6:08 PM
Katie, good for you for recognizing the problem. It is very fixable. Lying can and does become a habit. All habits can be broken. You are aware of the problem, so start paying keen attention to all of your communication. Awareness is a big deal. If you find yourself lying, stop and think about if you could get by with saying nothing instead. Silence, if possible, is of course better than lying. Put more and more honesty into your life. When I was young I often lied for positive attention. I would have been better off working on skills that I could enjoy and that could actually result in positive attention! Please engage in activity that allows you to shine (whatever that might be). Also, look for role models…people who are very trustworthy and honest. Do your best to associate with people like that. Develop a personal policy for yourself: “I, Katie, am an honest person. My strong suit is virtue.” (Design it to resonate with what you hope to accomplish). Set goals! If need be, change friends to be with better people.
SimonFebruary 18th, 2022 at 10:17 PM
I kind of do a lot of lying because otherwise, I don’t have anything interesting to impart. It’s mostly commenting on things that I heard happened to other people and saying I saw it happen or it happened to me. I would go online and use examples of something and say I personally saw it when I didn’t. I don’t try to look better in anyone’s eyes. I just want to have something interesting to say. I’ve lived a very uneventful life and never did much. It’s stupid because I’m way too old to be doing this. I just feel like I’m standing around at a party with nothing to say. I don’t lie about things to get ahead or anything. If people ask me about my education, I tell them the truth. I know my lies will eventually paint me into a corner if I keep it up, but I do it anyway. Most of the time, it’s confined to commenting about stuff online where I can’t be identified, but not always. Kind of like sea-stories. Mostly harmless stuff to be interesting, but I know that some people will remember what I said and eventually, I will lose track of what I told them and tell a conflicting story and they will know I’m full of it. I wish I could be comfortable in my own skin.
KathyMarch 25th, 2022 at 9:57 PM
Hi. Maybe I am in a bad mood and I just don’t believe any of this. Or this is a real disorder. But Ken my mind, when someone admits to lying then starts telling a long, drawn out story? Im not buying it. If a person says they lie about everything, then they will lie in this comment section. Correct? I am not delusional am I? Or mistaken. Or I missed something in the quiz? No. I didn’t. Lying is a learned behaviour. If you KNOW you do it, then UNDO it. Take accountability for what you have been doing and and stop doing it. Own up to its. Just cuz you say it outloud and maybe someone may put a label on it, that it could be a disorder, still doesn’t give a person that same ole excuse I have read over and over through out the whole comment section. A lie is a lie no matter how many people believe it. The truth is the truth, no matter how many people DON’T believe it. It’s all within yourself first. You have to fix yourself. Nobody can do it for you because you lie. You have to start telling TRUTH. Then maybe, MAYBE, you won’t be so lonely as you put it. I read a quote ” WELL, WELL, WELL, IF IT ISN’T THE CONSEQUENCES OF MY ACTIONS” If you are an adult, and your Mother or Father lied? Well? You DO know the difference between right and wrong, correct? So….if you do? The all those EXCUSES, you keep coming up with have you in your own place of loneliness. You have to dig your ownself out of your own pile of shit that you created. Just like the rest of us that have a pile of shit that has a different tag on it. Sorry, folks, but I can’t be anything but TRUTHFUL. STRAIGHT up. Life is hard man. But, hey, what can I say? I ain’t gonna sugarcoat it, or LIE, I ain’t Willy Wonka. And I am just putting it in words that a therapist can’t say. Your therapist is good for you in a lot of other ways. Stick with your therapist. Just don’t lie to your therapist. Think about it. Your therapist sitting there looking at you, just knowing that you are lying. Don’t think you are getting over on your therapist. That IS why you decided to start seeing one isn’t it? Because you are a liar, correct? So……give your therapist the respect your therapist deserves and tell your therapist the truth. It will just be between you and your therapist. Well, until you decide to get on with it and start telling telling the truth to the rest of the world. Ya know? Giving respect to the rest of the people that deserve it also? Quit being a victim. Get out of the hole you’re in. You put yourself there, get yourself out. ANOTHER QUOTE: ” THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE. BUT IT WILL PISS YOU OFF FIRST.” GLORIA STEINEM
jaidenApril 29th, 2022 at 3:37 PM
A couple years back, I decided to lie to make myself look like someone who needed comfort and pity. I won’t specify this lie, since it isn’t the important one. But the attention I got from it was addicting. As I kept telling this lie, I realised that I couldn’t keep it up as long as I’d wanted. I was feeling guilty. So I told another lie to get out of it. And then another. And then another. And finally, in my last hope, I discovered Dissociative Identity Disorder. It hadn’t become a trend yet. I do not have DID. But it was the perfect excuse for every lie I had ever told. I spent two months developing an elaborate story. And if you know the first thing about lying, you’ll know that a lie is best told when you believe it yourself. So I spent weeks playing these characters on my own. Telling this story, creating handwriting and staging everything as if it were really happening. And on the surface of my consciousness, I believed it all. I didn’t really, but it was a nice thought nonetheless. And then I started telling people. A year passed. My characters became more in-depth. They developed relationships with people, they became real human beings that I used to escape from my own stupid reality. And it just kept going. Another year passed. And then the consequences started rolling in. I was never caught. I still haven’t been. No, this was all internal. I started doubting reality. Questioning myself. It got to the point of suicidal thoughts. And then I took a break from social interaction, and realised I didn’t want to lie anymore. It was all three years of suppressed me crashing down all at once. And that’s where I am. I’m stuck in the consequences of my own actions; and telling the truth is far too gone by this point. I’m hoping that a better way out presents itself soon. Don’t follow in my tracks.
RileyMay 27th, 2022 at 5:17 PM
i have been lying about sleeping with a neighbor to a mentor who has helped tremendously with things (because i wanted attention) and he found out and it was not only shameful and embarrassing for me, it opened my eyes and i started to dig around and research why i did this. found out im a pathological liar. not that it helps me much becuase does that mean im sick mentally?
AmandaJuly 3rd, 2022 at 1:18 PM
I am a compulsive liar and deliberately try to hurt others with them.
BernacineJuly 11th, 2022 at 5:03 AM
In my researching for my disability lawsuit case. I was focusing on the multiple lies as manipulation, gain of favor in this case and how childhood can have a serious impact in later year as in adulthood. In holding positions as: Judge’s, Lawyer’s and Sworn Professional. However, reading through “real life experiences” It gave me a duality of in real time how people who tell multiple small, hurtful, dangerous and behemoth lies. Impacting other people lives in ways they can’t even imagine or don’t care to imagine. This was so very helpful in my disability research lawsuit.
JenniferAugust 3rd, 2022 at 1:01 PM
GusSeptember 12th, 2022 at 6:08 AM
I lie like I breathe and make up stories in my head, is it some sort of mental issue?
KimDecember 4th, 2022 at 10:41 AM
I AM A COMPULSIVE LIAR!
I am here to finally admit that I need help, all my life I have never felt worthy of ever being loved and have always thought that I have had to be something more than who I am. When I was a child I was put in foster care because of a abuse from my real parents, I finally found my forever family and just never felt like I belonged, my foster dad was amazing he treated me like his own but my foster mum not so much she just did it for the money and never really treated me like family, when I was 14 I was sexually assaulted by my older brother who also lived with us, I told someone in my school and she told the WHOLE school about what I had told her, everyone thought I was lying but I really wasn’t. After this point I lost complete self confidence in myself and decided that to make people like me I would make up stories, either for people to feel sorry for me or to make my life seem more interesting. I just can’t help the things I come out with, it’s like my mouth says it before I even think about what I have said, then I am stuck in something that I can’t get out of. It has now got so bad that it has ruined the only relationship where I have ever felt like I have belonged, me and my partner were together for 2 years, he has 3 children and I honestly loved all of them with my whole life, but to please them I decided to lie about booking a trip to Disneyland, I did have the trip booked but then he wanted to add his sister and her partner so had to cancel it but didn’t have the funds to add them on, so instead of just saying this I never rebooked the train tickets, I got my self so worked up that I ended up fainting at work 2 days before we was apparently meant to be going, I made fake tickets to make it seem more believable, to the point where it ended up coming out that it was all a lie and he broke up with me. It has not got to the point where I can never forgive myself for what I have done, I don’t want to be on this earth nor do I ever feel like I will get over this! I feel absolutely awful for what I have done! Please help me if you can!
MariMarch 9th, 2023 at 6:22 AM
I want an answer from a professional as i am trying to understand a personality. I had relationship with 1 guy 4 year ago and he was a liar and i’ve been with him for almost 5 years trying to change him from my love that he stops lying and be honest with me i gave him many chances, forgave him many time for his wrong but at the end i was tired he got married and still after that he wanted to be with me and he lied about somethings which again i believed. When i found out the truth i analyzed i cannot change his nature. He was a liar who will not accept what he did at any cost, he will make stories to make me believe and i knew it’s a story but i accepted every time as he will never stop denying. Recently, i got into a relationship and i didn’t have idea that he is also the same personality type. He cheated on me and i have evidence. Now what he is doing is through that evidence he will make a strong story to make me believe no doubt he is smart but i know the truth. The thing is he making a story in which he’s saying i am wrong at this point and i am sorry for that but he cannot accept in front of me that he cheated. I don’t think he has a guilt. But as i have experienced it before i know he will never accept no matter what logic i will put in front of him. I can give example but it will be very long in short i want to know what is this personality type do they have guilt in them and they cannot accept but in their heart they know what they did but they don’t feel bad and on top of that they will put you in a situation that we are the ones not believing them and they show rude behavior to prove themselves right. That’s a good trick. I really wanna know that how they feel and think and what they want to achieve? Please help. I wanna talk to someone.
ThomasApril 4th, 2023 at 6:26 AM
I was married for 16 years and didn’t realize that my wife is a compulsive liar until after I separated from her for being a compulsive asshole. I couldn’t figure out why she was not remorseful about the separation, then I discovered evidence of cheating by way of her s.t.d. diagnosis. In the following week I realized a massive amount of lies had been told to me throughout the marriage. She is a lawyer and lobbyist and had been cheating on me the entire marriage. She is such a charming and gifted sociopathic liar that many people still do not see her depravity 2 years into the divorce. She had me thrown in jail under false pretenses and my life was turned upside down and inside out. She has kept me poor and struggling for 2 years while she stalls and manipulates the legal system. Luckily I found kriya yoga as a means of turning inward to discover my true self. The betrayal hurts much less now, although I still have occasional bad dreams about her, like just now, which led me to this site. It is comforting to know that I am not alone, but it makes me a little sad to know that so many others have also been hurt by raging narcissistic compulsive liars. My heart goes out to all of the people here who are swimming upstream against a current of lies caused by a torrential flood of nonstop abusiveness. I feel very fortunate to have been able to save my soul through daily meditation. I am healthier, stronger, and more loving than I have ever been, thank goodness too as I have 2 teenage daughters that I am trying to keep open hearted so that they can live a normal life and not fall into similar mental health issues. I am almost at a turning point where my ex may have her license suspended and the divorce may finally turn in my favor after a long road that has seen many casualties by way of friends leaving me and baling out. Most people cannot handle my level of integrity and my intolerance for bullshit. I have no family besides my 2 daughters. I encourage anyone with similar issues to drop as many false attachments as possible and stay true to yourSelf as well as seek the truth always. Live truth and live love and you will find joy for yourself. Stay strong and hold your head up and keep moving forward toward higher frequencies and better people. I pray for your recovery and well being. You have to look inside yourself to see what led you to this monster, then you have to keep looking honestly at your own self to make amends and heal so that you don’t make similar choices in the future. You can do it, but you must be honest with YOU!
PolaApril 12th, 2023 at 6:00 PM
@Mari, please read about Narcissist Personaril Disorder. This might be the case. On Quora you may find many information.
tomApril 17th, 2023 at 9:16 PM
I have a problem with lying and am trying to fix it but at least I am not lying about this
joeMay 12th, 2023 at 5:58 PM
Didn’t read all the comments yet, but lying about things that matters to you or your safety isn’t the biggest problem, the problem is when a person lies for no good reason until he is starting to believe in his lies…. In that case that person should go to a professional for help. Lying can be a serious addiction…
ShannonMay 21st, 2023 at 11:07 AM
This is my story
AnonAugust 9th, 2023 at 5:24 PM
I’m a liar and I don’t know when to stop. Help me please
MadinaNovember 13th, 2023 at 11:02 AM
I suffer from covert NPD and pathologically lie.
J ANovember 13th, 2023 at 1:29 PM
I have neighbours who have done so many acts of random wickedness it would be easier to list the things they have not committed . But they are liars and thieves . As to which is worse , probably neither . So many say , forgive and move on , develop a thick skin etc . Yeah that’s great but I would also like to function as a living breathing feeling thinking human being as opposed to being a rusted on brain dead shell of a man ….it’s easy to become exactly like those who torment or oppress you , even so much harder to thrive and prosper . Treachery seems common among our fellow travellers, it takes me all day to find peace in the valley . I,am tired and weary and it seems things may actually worsen over time . Evil has no boundaries as hate is a bottomless pit . I have prayed , believed , stood up for myself and yes I have not utterly fallen. So I,am thankful for that . But all in all I,am disheartened by the malicious mindless fools out there masquerading as human beings. Surely good folks can live in peace . Get thee behind me Satan!
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