Caring and Treatment Happen Before the First Session

March 8th, 2010
By Christopher Diggins, MA, LMHC, Interpersonal Neurobiology Topic Expert Contributor

Click here to contact Christopher and/or see his GoodTherapy.org Profile

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In my first IPNB article two months ago, I went into detail about the significance of starting the therapy with our advertising and our first phone contact, email, or voicemail. Our intentions need to be clear and of the upmost integrity as these greatly influence the client even if they do not attend a session. Our kindness and helpfulness also beneficially impact ourselves.

“Mutual empathy occurs when two people relate to each other in a context of interest in the other, emotional availability and responsiveness, cognitive appreciation of the wholeness of the other, the intent is to understand… Growth occurs because as I stretch to match or understand your experience, something new is acknowledged or grows in me” (p. 89, The Stone Center).

Although this may only be a message or a brief conversation, it is important for us as therapists to understand its significance. Many client’s are seeking therapy because they are desperate. Maybe their marriage is falling apart, their child is suicidal, they are so depressed or anxious they cannot function at their work or within their family. Some form of emotional pain, loneliness, or fear are present, and kindness and intent to understand and help is extremely beneficial.

“Mrs. Jones, I can hear how terrifying this situation is for you and your family. I can only imagine how painful it must be to see your daughter lying in that hospital bed not knowing if she will come out of her coma. Some people, myself included, believe that the comatose patient can sense and know that people are around them, so all the love and caring the family can feel and convey to her with your presence is helpful to her. I appreciate your call to me and please continue to call me for support as you need it… and no matter what happens with her, I will be available to your family to help you through the grieving, recovery, or prevention of future suicide attempts.”

Here, I address her loneliness, her fear, and the power of her love and presence for her daughter. Also, I am giving her support and letting her know she will will not be alone in the future no matter what happens. And we will work to prevent this from happening again–lots of reassurance. Consider how much more beneficial this would be than the client hearing, “Yes, this sounds very difficult. Why don’t you call me when you are ready for an appointment.”

The power of IPNB is amazing in that just me writing this and you reading it changes our brains. We can feel the caring and reassurance that is in the speakers words and we can feel the relief of the client as she lets in the caring and reassurance. It is especially important to identify the power of the love and caring the family has for the daughter. No matter what transpires here, once the family or the daughter come into the office for therapy that needs to be a point of focus. “As I sit hear now I remember how I felt when I talked to Mrs. Jones on the phone during the comatose period. I could feel the love, concern, and caring in that hospital room, and I can feel it now… and I can now feel this appreciation for the family and how much you gave to your daughter… and this probably helped her pull through this and allows her to sit with us here today… Please take a moment to experience what you feel in your body right now as you hear this from me and reflect on where you have been these last weeks.”

The more we can feel these emotions as either giver, receiver, or observer, the more we will be able to benefit others and participate in the experience.

 

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©Copyright 2010 by Christopher Diggins, MA, LMHC, therapist in Seattle, WA. All Rights Reserved.

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