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I’m Addicted to Pornography
Dear GoodTherapy.org,
Thank you for this opportunity that you have given us to ask questions. My name is Joseph and i would like to ask a question related to addictions and complusions. For about 6 years now i have been addicted to porn and masturbation. I have prayed about it, it,read articles but nothing seems to work. Kindly guide me on what i really need to do. - Addicted
Well first of all congratulations for seeking help, the single most important step you can take. Secondly you freely admit you are addicted which takes courage and self-love, so the truth is, just in seeking help for the problem you have made a crucial step that many others never take. Fact is, addiction is extremely hard to overcome on one’s own without help. So you’re right to seek help for this very complex issue. Sounds like your prayers have worked because you have been steered to a place that can offer assistance!
For starters, I’m obviously biased, being a therapist, but I do think seeking a counselor or therapist who is knowledgeable about sex addiction and/or addictions generally would be helpful. So much of this malady is caught up in issues of shame, self-loathing, relational injuries and so forth, that having emotional support and guidance is essential. I’ve recently posted blog articles about this addiction and how therapy can help, if you want to check on the site. (You could seek out a therapist on this website.)
I also recommend, in addition to therapy, some kind of group support. There are therapy groups that meet weekly and offer encouragement and a communal haven. Also there are religious support groups for porn; a client of mine attends a weekly non-denominational Christian support group for men addicted to pornography and says it is very helpful. Others have found Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) or Sex/Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA) meetings indispensable. Each program has a website with meeting information, including meetings by phone if you live in a remote area. http://saa-recovery.org/ or http://www.slaafws.org/
Finally I recommend several informative books, starting with Patrick Carnes’ pioneering study of sex addiction, “Out of the Shadows.” “The Porn Trap,” “In the Shadows of the Net,” and “Untangling the Web” are other good resources.
Congratulations again on having the bravery to seek out help to what can be a very intractable problem, but also a gateway to a much better life when help is sought. You are not alone, and your willingness to seek transformation could be a much-needed help and inspiration to others in similar straits.
Thanks for writing!
Comments
I just don’t understand how men can fall into such a pitiful trap as pornography. It has ruined so many of my relationships. From the relationship that I had with my first husband who wanted nothing more than to go to the local club and watch the women strip to my most recent relationship with an otherwise wonderful man. All he wanted each night was to look at his different sites on the computer and masturbate.
When you have a loving wonderful woman beside you why do you drift to such follies? Are we not enough to satisfy your needs?
I too have an issue with pornography. having my wife with me for once or twice a month just isn’t enough female contact. She says that it is natural and that I am overyly sexed. I think that she is being a bit of a prude, but this has driven me to graphic pornography and masturbation to keep myself sane.
She completely fails to understand the situation and leaves me feeling guilty for wanting her month than the one or two times per month that she is willing to have me.
I have never really told this to anyone. Many think I’m quiet,innocent and just there. I would say that I am too but I hate myself. I am addicted to porn and masturbation. I hate it! I always tell myself that I will stop and never do it again but I fail. People think only guys get addicted but I’m a girl and I am addicted to it. The most shameful part is that I have and am raised in a Christian home. I feels so embaressed and I feel I bring shame to my family and house. In the end I’m always saying God I’m sorry and I promise not to do it again…but I do anyways! I truly need help anyone please to talk to me. Well that’s kind of my story as a girl and being addicted to porn….
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