Category: Self-Criticism
The Good Therapy Blog
December 21st, 2011 |
Empathy is an emotion that is directly related to the bonds that were formed in childhood. “Children from secure and loving backgrounds develop enhanced motivation and competencies for empathy and compassion for self and others, in comparison with children from insecure backgrounds,” said Helen Rockliff of the Henry Wellcome Laboratories for Integrative Neuroscience and Endocrinology at the University of Bristol in the UK, and lead... Read More
© Copyright 2011 by http://www.GoodTherapy.org Therapist Los Angeles Bureau - All Rights Reserved.
December 16th, 2011 |
Perfectionism is multi-dimensional, including evaluative concerns (EV) and personal standards (PS) of perfectionism. “Whereas PS perfectionism is primarily defined by the setting of high standards per se, EC perfectionism is primarily defined by self-critical features such as concern over mistakes and doubts about actions,” said Liesbet Boone, faculty member of the Department of Developmental, Social and Personality Psychology at Ghent University in Belgium. “Both clinical accounts and empirical studies suggest that... Read More
© Copyright 2011 by http://www.GoodTherapy.org Therapist Fort Collins Bureau - All Rights Reserved.
December 7th, 2011 |
Thanksgiving is a holiday for cultivating gratitude for all the good in our lives. It’s also an opportunity to participate in a ritual of breaking bread with loved ones, a celebration of our connection to others, sharing the plentiful food that we are fortunate enough to have.
Yet as Thanksgiving approached, several of my clients who see me for help with their eating-related problems expressed apprehension about the upcoming holiday. Their worries focused mainly on the plethora of food they anticipated would be at the meal, and some described family gatherings at which food was around at all... Read More
August 25th, 2011 |
I’ve learned to trust myself, to listen to truth, to not be afraid of it and to not try and hide it.
-Sarah McLachlan
There are no physical, emotional, intellectual, or spiritual benefits to low self-esteem. On the other hand, when you value yourself highly you are most likely positive, consider life to be a playful adventure, are confident in your abilities, maintain a healthy lifestyle, laugh a lot, and are never bored by what life offers.
What are 20 things you love about yourself? How easily you complete this exercise or (complete it at all!) will give you an idea about your current... Read More
June 26th, 2011 |
You may wonder how people get into therapy for co-dependency. Rarely do I have a client come in requesting help for co-dependency. More often clients come in for other issues, and we discover the co-dependency as I am getting to know them. I will describe some of the presenting problems that sometimes can be a red flag for co-dependency. Then, in subsequent articles, I will describe we work together in therapy to make things better.
Often people come in with relationship... Read More
June 22nd, 2011 |
She hates her thighs, the sight of them drive her mad. The tissue is soft, the weakness mocks her. Yet she is somehow pulled into the ritual of gazing and when not in front of a reflection, imagining the horror of her flesh. She is repulsed by its frailty, yet it eludes her, defies her, mocks her then, paradoxically, defines her. It continues despite her efforts to be rid of it. At first she is awash with hopelessness at this self-reflected failure. Reactively, almost immediately,... Read More
June 20th, 2011 |
Self-esteem is not a thing that’s either high or low that we carry around with us. Nor is it a thing we wear to protect ourselves from pain. Self-esteem is not a thing at all: it’s an action. It’s something we do. We esteem ourselves. What high self-esteem means is that you treat yourself as someone you hold in high esteem; i.e., you act as if you like yourself.
Think about a friend you hold in high esteem. You like that person, don’t you? And because of that, you tend... Read More
June 13th, 2011 |
The far enemy of sympathetic joy is envy, and the near enemy is comparing.”
-From Devotion: A Memoir, by Dani Shapiro, page 199
How many of us go through our days comparing ourselves to others- who’s smarter, prettier, richer, taller, shorter, older, younger, etc. I don’t know about you, but I often catch myself telling myself that I’m doing it better, or worse, than somebody else. Whatever “it” is.
That was part of Ella’s problem. Ella worried; she felt guilty and anxious-... Read More
June 12th, 2011 |
This month our Paramita, or practice on the path to happiness, is virya, which is translated as exertion, diligence or joyful effort. Many of us, especially if we live full and busy lives, might respond to the very notion with a sigh, a feeling of overwhelm, or the sense that, once again, we have not done, been, or accomplished Enough. Now even the Buddhists are scolding us, “Try harder!”
No. That’s not what it means.
In truth, effort is required for us to do anything, to... Read More
May 23rd, 2011 |
You look terrific today. I love what you’re wearing. You have such a nice smile. I like the sound of your voice.
Many people would rather eat a broccoli-flavored Popsicle than be on the receiving end of a compliment. Are you one of them? How did you feel when you read the previous paragraph? Receiving compliments – and also giving them – is hard when self-esteem has been injured. Low self-esteem tells us we’re just plain not good enough. And we imagine that if we can see it, so can everyone else.
If I believe I’m a dull and boring person, I will assume that you agree with me.... Read More
May 10th, 2011 |
Many of the partners or loved ones (POLOs) of those struggling with addiction often seem reluctant to get help for themselves. I’m not sure why that is, but I’m hoping this article provides some answers.
These beleaguered folks are often fixated on the behavior of the loved one who struggles with drugs or alcohol (or other compulsions). Of course, it’s hard not to fixate on rampantly destructive behaviors. It often seems as though families where addiction is present are always struggling to either avoid or deal with addiction’s collateral damage (financial, emotional, professional,... Read More
May 5th, 2011 |
Each of us has our own unique identity made up of a combination of personality traits, personal and family history, and other attributes. But what happens inside when an identity is not celebrated by a person’s community?
In Stigma: Notes on the Management of a Spoiled Identity (1963), author Erving Goffman uses the term “spoiled identity” to refer to an identity that causes a person to experience stigma. For Goffman, “stigma” describes the experience of moving through life with an attribute that is deeply discrediting. This attribute divides people into those-who-are-normal and those-who-are-not,... Read More
May 3rd, 2011 |
For some people, the answer to the question of, “What does prejudice and discrimination have to with mental health?” is clear, and for others it is not. After all, prejudice and discrimination happen to people from the outside and mental health focuses primarily on what is happening for people on the inside, right? However, as a psychotherapist, I think that understanding the impact of these outside forces on mental health is necessary and important to achieving internal balance and peace of mind.
Imagine that this morning you woke up, and the first thing that came into your head was, “I... Read More
May 2nd, 2011 |
I love springtime because of its association with new life, which immediately brings to mind thoughts about creativity. For those with creative blocks, however - whether artists or just ordinary folks like most of us, there are times when the “stuckness” of creative inability colors the world gray; we tell ourselves we’re not special or good enough; that no one is interested in our creative efforts; our creations look, feel and sound ordinary, as though anyone could have made them. Whether we’re simply uninspired to create, having a bout of the “blahs”, or feeling depressed, anxious,... Read More
