In my initial posting for GoodTherapy.org, I wrote about the fact self-testing for HIV is a reality in the United States. What this effectively does is change the access point for people to find out their HIV status. Prior to this, the only way to legally get tested was through a testing clinic (including health centers, testing vans, and Planned Parenthood) or through a medical provider. I say “legally†because people could buy self-tests online and have them shipped to their homes, but these were neither FDA-approved nor legal.
Since the approval, people can choose when and where they want to get tested. This has both clinical and legal implications for clinicians and clients. Future postings will explore many of the clinical issues, but as a starting point, it is important for clinicians to know some of the basics, especially the laws regarding transmission and disclosure.
Taking an HIV test does not change one’s status. It changes one’s knowledge about one’s status. The way current laws are written in most states, the concern is not as much with the former as it is with the latter. In more than 30 states, there are laws on the books regarding the transmission of HIV. These laws vary greatly, but broadly fall under two categories.
- Knowing that one has HIV, and not telling his or her sexual partner(s). In some states, it does not matter whether he or she used protection, has a repressed viral load, or did not participate in insertive anal sex (greatly minimizing risk of transmission).
- Transmitting HIV, regardless of whether he or she knew his/her status.
We often hear it said that “knowledge is power.†With regard to taking an HIV test, this has truth. As mentioned, the test does not change one’s status, just his or her relationship with the truth of status. However, as can be seen from the first category above, knowledge also has greater consequences. If someone has HIV and engages in sexual activity, but he or she does not know HIV status, the law may not hold the person accountable.
This sets up possible scenarios such as these: The person with HIV who does not know his or her status can have unprotected sex, spread HIV, and not be held liable, whereas the person who knows he or she has HIV, does not disclose this, uses protection, and does not spread HIV can be prosecuted. It is a flawed system that ultimately discourages doing the responsible thing (getting tested), and it is just one of many issues regarding HIV that are caught in a web of politics, prejudice, and fear. It is also a system that creates strong narratives of “victim†and “perpetrator,†holding the person who knows he or she has HIV wholly responsible while absolving the one who does not know his or her status. This victim/blame narrative is another common theme when dealing with HIV in clinical settings.
When working with clients, it is imperative that we continue to strive for higher levels of functioning than laws that blame the “perpetrator,†who, in many cases, also has been the “victim†(of cultural violence, for example). It is a deadly cycle, and one that we can help break with good foresight. From my training with the American Psychological Association’s HIV Office of Psychology Education (HOPE), we learned that the law, as intimidating as it is, is the lowest level from which we operate, often puts us in ethical binds, and we have to use our ethical dilemma models to act in the best ways we know to reduce harm and maximize benefit while documenting every step.
Back to the issue of HIV self-testing and implications for clinicians: Given that it is now possible that people can self-test (and more people will as advertising increases on places such as Facebook, MTV, and Comedy Central), it is important that clinicians become familiar with their state laws regarding transmission. This is especially the case for clinicians working with sexually active youth and young adults, and/or sexually active clients with addictions. A list of states and transmission laws, including what constitutes a felony, misdemeanor, or finable offense, can be found here.
Clinicians will also need to consider potential liability issues if he or she is the only person to whom the client has disclosed HIV status (say, in a situation where the person has self-tested and is not seeking treatment) and the person spreads HIV. Do we collude with the client and deny his or her HIV status in the absence of any other documentation? How do we document agreements with clients regarding disclosure?
As with all ethical dilemmas, there really is not clarity as to what is the right thing to do. What we can do is to make sure we have a reliable framework with which to address ethical dilemmas, colleagues with whom we can consult, and knowledge of the law in our state. Where laws exist, we should make sure the client is aware as well.
If people have questions or would like to explore any of this further, please feel free to reach out to me. We serve our profession and clients better when we are not caught off-guard, and this is one of those issues we should be considering.
Financial abundance is largely lauded as a good thing, especially in today’s celebrity- and financial-guru-worshiping society. More money means more security, more possessions, more opportunities, and more success, right?
On the contrary—recent research reveals that money may, in fact, mean more problems for the offspring of wealthy parents. The research, published in the Journal of Development and Psychopathology, found that young people whose parents earn a combined income of $160,000 per year or more experience twice the standard national rate of depression and anxiety than those from less well-to-do families.
Professor Suniya Luthar of Arizona State University, the psychologist responsible for the studies, has spent the past decade researching this subject. In her work with financially privileged children, she has seen firsthand that they are under enormous amounts of pressure to succeed. Unfortunately, the impact of this pressure triggers a significant amount of psychological distress, leading to depression, anxiety, stress, eating and food issues, substance abuse, and other self-harming behaviors.
The pressures faced by children and adolescents who fall into this household income range primarily revolve around academic achievements and extracurricular activities and accomplishments. After-school activities like sports, music, and the arts are meant to be enjoyable and fun. Exercise and creativity are known to be excellent stress relievers and healthy emotional outlets, and when the pressure to excel carries over into these otherwise relaxed areas of life, it follows that young people struggle to maintain a sense of well-being.
On top of high expectations in school and extracurriculars, many of them also face significant social pressure. Though teachers, coaches, instructors, and peers play a part in influencing these overwhelming demands, researchers believe that the driving force behind all the stress is overbearing parents with unreasonable expectations.
Luthar, who has also studied the psychological effects of growing up in impoverished families, stresses in her report that children and teenagers who grow up in low-income households remain at the highest risk for developing serious mental health conditions. However, her hope in publishing these most recent findings is to encourage parents in affluent families to back off a bit where their children’s achievements are concerned.
References:
- Del Pozo, M. (2013, November 11). ‘Golden press:’ Teenage mental illness soars in wealthy US, UK families. Reuters. Retrieved from http://rt.com/news/rich-uk-children-psychology-545/
- Narain, J. (2013, November 10). Children from privileged families are more likely to develop mental health problems, reveals new study. DailyMail. Retrieved from http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2497692/Revealed-How-pushy-parents-driving-privileged-children-crime-drug-abuse-relentless-pressure-succeed.html
Great question! I see this dynamic a lot in my own practice—parents or teachers feel a child could benefit from therapy, but the child is reluctant. Therapy is going to be helpful only if your son is a willing participant. Forcing the issue will not only produce minimal results, if any, but may turn him off from seeking out counseling support in the future.
It is not a lost cause, however. There are many things you can do to increase the likelihood of your son being willing to participate in counseling. First, give him a voice. What was it about therapy that he hated? Really listen to his answers. They might seem silly or arbitrary, but if you hear what didn’t work, you are much more likely to find someone who won’t recreate that negative experience. Second, give him some control. Let him know that he gets to choose the person he is going to work with. Get together and look through online profiles (such as the ones on GoodTherapy.org) that you’ve already pre-selected as viable options, and let him read through and indicate which ones he might be willing to meet with and interview. Many therapists offer a brief consultation to give client and therapist a chance to assess for fit. Let him select a few (I recommend no more than three or four) to have a brief chat with, and let him choose which one he is willing to talk with. You can let the therapist know that your son is reluctant about therapy so that he/she can address those concerns head-on.
When I meet with reluctant potential clients, particularly children, I often find that the barriers include a lack of understanding of what counseling is really all about. When they realize that they can tell me basically anything and I’m not going to judge and they aren’t going to get in trouble, that this time and space is all about them—their feelings, their needs, their experiences—I see even skeptical faces light up. When I tell them that we can do therapy while playing with my dog, going for a walk, or even playing basketball, they can even get pretty enthusiastic.
Finally, give him an out. Ask him to commit to four to six sessions with one therapist. If at the end of that time he isn’t getting anything from it or finds it unpleasant or objectionable, then he can decide to stop. Even if he goes six times and says virtually nothing, stick to your bargain. If he trusts he has some control, he may be more willing to try the next time.
One thing to keep in mind is that the single greatest predictor of positive therapeutic outcomes is the relationship and rapport the client has with the therapist. If your son really connects with someone, he can get a lot out of therapy. If he doesn’t, he probably won’t get much from it. As long as therapy is something that is being done TO him, he’s likely to be more closed to the experience. If he gets invested in the process of choosing someone, there’s a much greater chance of counseling being a positive experience.
Best of luck!
Erika
Because technology looms around us, it has become a central part of how we communicate with friends, family, and even strangers. Communication goes beyond verbal or written messages; it extends to the way we portray our lives through social media. Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest, and whatever other social media tools you use all have the ability to portray the pieces of your life that you choose to be public. This social media game has left many of us wondering how we add up to the next person, which in turn can cause a negative impact on our self-esteem. It has also allowed us to focus too much on a fake world or version of ourselves, while losing the momentum to make real changes and growth.
This phenomenon is rapidly increasing. Not only do we feed into people’s images of themselves on social media, but we also feed into our own. How many times have you seen someone stop an incredible moment to snap a picture? Yes, we have all done it. After a few filters and uploads it seems to make us think we are capturing the moment, but by doing so we are frequently losing the real moments. It is incredibly important that we do not lose the ability to focus on the life we are living versus the life we have on display through social media.
[fat_widget_right]
We frequently read status updates about how amazing someone’s partner is, when the truth is they often may be apart and fighting. We see pictures that are airbrushed and filtered, while the subjects seem to look run-down in person. We see the singles out and about, partying and having fun, but we don’t process how it actually feels behind the scenes, walking in to an empty home. We view wedding pictures and glorify relationships, but have no idea how much work it takes to make the relationship function. We envy pregnancy photos but have no clue of the struggle the couple may have gone through just to get pregnant. We are all viewing highlight reels of people’s lives, and it’s very easy to get sucked into glorifying them all while putting ourselves down.
Want to try to break this cycle? I’ve come up with five definitive ways you can stop comparing yourself to others and start embracing your life:
- Understand the reality of other people’s lives. It is not to bash others; it is to understand that we all struggle, we all have ugly days, and we all have our issues. There is no perfect relationship, life path, career, or body, because we all have our own personal challenges. Maybe they are not the same, but they do exist, so remind yourself that the end of the day the only thing we all have in common with each other is struggle.
- Stop wasting your energy and time on comparison. If you took all the time that you use to scroll through your ex’s wedding photos, cried, and talked bad about him or her, and instead put that toward working on what is holding you back from moving forward, you could be a much happier person. If you start to use your time constructively to work on yourself, your goals, and your relationships, chances are you will not even have the time to waste on the glorification of others’ lives.
- Stop bending the truth to others. What is the point of telling everyone your relationship is perfect? I am not saying you have to go chatting about everything that is wrong in your relationship, but there is an element of truth and realness that allows you to be vulnerable and truly connect, whether it is with yourself, your partner, or your friends. If you are pretending you live in fantasy land, I would imagine that the stress of keeping up that image is exhausting. Relax, let go, and be OK with vulnerable.
- Embrace your imperfections. This goes beyond what you are telling others; this is how you are viewing your own life. If you are incredibly hard on yourself, you have to learn to be a better friend to YOU. If you are ignoring the challenges in your life, they will tend to pop up in other unhealthy ways. So face them. Whatever it is, don’t be afraid of it, and don’t be afraid to own it and work on it.
- Be happy with imperfection. If you were truly perfect, and your relationship was perfect, and your job was perfect, what would be the point of progressing forward in any way? We grow and learn through struggle and life lessons. Relationship challenges are incredible mirrors to our own personal struggles, and can allow us to truly feel whole if we embrace it. The way we handle failure is a fabulous character trait that we all need to work on. Just because life isn’t perfect does not mean you can’t enjoy it and be happy. The only way to truly value your strengths is to be vulnerable and own your weaknesses, as one day that in itself may become your strength.
The next time you find yourself losing a moment to be on your phone, or feeding into someone’s life via Facebook, take a step back. Use these five steps, and they will allow you to learn how to balance this new world.
Schizophrenia is often found in families with high rates of psychological illness. When one member of a family has schizophrenia, the chances of other members developing psychological problems, including schizophrenia and psychosis, increase. Some of the factors that are considered when analyzing risk for illness are family history, life stressors, trauma, and IQ. Each of these had a unique relationship with risk and schizophrenia.
In a recent study, Kim W. Verweij of the Department of Psychiatry at the University Medical Centre Utrecht in the Netherlands sought to explore the influence and evidence of IQ in families with schizophrenia. Using a sample 696 individuals with schizophrenia and their siblings (766), Verweij compared IQ scores to those of 517 individuals with no history of schizophrenia or psychiatric issues. Researchers collected data from all participants without schizophrenia and scored them separately. Those with schizophrenia also completed IQ tests and their results were analyzed independently.
The results showed that siblings of those with schizophrenia only had elevated IQs if they themselves had any history of mental health issues, or if other members of their family did. Those siblings who did not have a family history, excluding the member with schizophrenia, had average IQs compared to siblings with a robust family history. Verweij also found that the individuals with schizophrenia, who also had a family member with mental health issues, had higher IQ scores than the individuals with schizophrenia and no family history.
Verweij believes that this suggests a high familial influence on psychiatric impairment in the participants with family illness, while those without may be more influenced by external and variable factors, such as trauma, premature birth, or other stressors. Not only do these factors create a ripe environment for psychological impairment, but they also increase vulnerability for intellectual and cognitive disability.
This study provides much needed insight into the unique association between IQ and genetic predisposition for schizophrenia. Verweij added, “Since the association between IQ scores and family history of psychiatric disorder in siblings is not extensively investigated, more research is needed to further address this question.â€
Reference:
Verweij, K.H.W., Derks, E.M., Genetic Risk and Outcome in Psychosis (GROUP) investigators (2013). The association between intelligence scores and family history of psychiatric disorder in schizophrenia patients, their siblings and healthy controls. PLoS ONE 8(10): e77215. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0077215
“I’m such a loser.â€
“I can’t do anything right.â€
“I’m ugly.â€
Too often, people brutally judge and attack themselves. If everyone treated others as poorly as they treat themselves, the old biblical adage, “Love your neighbor as yourself,†could be a recipe for war.
Negative Beliefs, Self-Loathing, and Why It Matters
Incessant negative beliefs about oneself may be called self-loathing, self-judgment, self-attack, or low self-esteem, but it all boils down to one menacing problem: self-hatred. At its most extreme, self-hatred can lead people to retreat into substance use, suicidal and other self-destructive behaviors, or violence toward others.
[fat_widget_right]
If you beat up on yourself, are disgusted with yourself, or in any other way experience the effects of self-hatred, there are two important things to know: why the self-hatred exists, and what you can do about it.
Why Self-Hatred?
Self-hatred almost always stems from childhood. Trauma experienced after childhood also can fuel negative feelings about oneself.
Children believe what they hear from others. If a parent tells a child that she is good for nothing or can’t do anything right, then that becomes the truth in the child’s mind. It takes a very mature and insightful child to say to herself, “Something is wrong with Mom/Dad for telling me this. An adult shouldn’t say such mean things to me. I’m just a child.â€
Instead of saying, “Something is wrong with Mom/Dad,†the child usually thinks, “Something is wrong with me.†That simply is how a child’s mind works. Children need safety and stability. It is much less chaotic for a child to think something is wrong with himself than to think he cannot rely on the people upon whom he depends for food, shelter, and survival.
Sometimes, a child never hears harsh judgment from a parent or other caregiver, yet self-hatred manages to fester. This happens when, for whatever reason (genetics, environment, plain bad luck, etc.), a child experiences anxiety, perfectionism, or other traits that conjure feelings of self-blame in the face of fear, imperfection, or other perceived flaws.
Trauma, too, can inspire self-hatred. It can feel safer to attack oneself over what happened than to accept that bad things happen randomly in the world—and can happen again, at any time. As a result, many people who have endured sexual assault, combat, or other trauma blame themselves for what they endured, and self-hatred grows.
Self-hatred and shame are related but not synonymous. Shame can be healthy, the mind’s tool for helping people understand when they have done something that must not be repeated. However, the majority of shame that people experience is not a healthy tool for learning right from wrong. Instead, it is a manifestation of self-hatred, a message that when they do things wrong (or, at least, differently than they wish they had) then they are wrong, a judgment of the person and not the act.
Many people who feel shame cannot assign it to any particular action. Shame is a feeling of essential badness that they simply cannot shed. Often, people experiencing unhealthy shame feel that if others saw their real self, then nobody could possibly love them.
It is helpful to understand how your own self-hatred is formed. This can help you to develop compassion for yourself. No matter what you did or did not do as a child, no matter what trauma you endured, the hurt part of you deserves love, compassion, and nurturing. No matter what, you possess a fundamental goodness that is not touched by external events, in the same way the clouds can cover the sun but never really touch it.
The Antidote: Self-Compassion
A seminal work on self-hatred and self-compassion is titled, appropriately enough, Compassion and Self Hate (by Theodore Isaac Rubin). More recently, mental health professionals have published quite a few more books on self-compassion, including The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion (by Christopher Germer), Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind (by Kristin Neff), and The Power of Self-Compassion (by Mary Wellford).
There are websites devoted to self-compassion. There also is an evidence-based psychotherapy that cultivates self-compassion. Called compassion-focused therapy, it extends cognitive behavioral concepts to foster in people the ability to soothe, accept, and understand themselves.
The common theme underlying all these works is that self-compassion is the antidote to self-hate. So how do you create more compassion for yourself? Over time, I will write about many different ways to grow the seeds of self-compassion. For now, here are a few tips to get you started:
- Talk to yourself the way you talk to someone you care about: In Compassion and Self Hate, Dr. Rubin advises readers to tell themselves, “I treat myself as I treat a child I love.†Cognitive behavioral therapists employ a similar technique, often invoking the question, “What would you say to a good friend who was going through the same thing you are going through?†These are important questions. If you hate yourself, you likely say things to yourself that you would not dare say to another person. What would you say to somebody else who has the exact same traits as you? What could you say to yourself?
- Recognize that beliefs do not equal truths: Often, people believe what they tell themselves. If you think you are a loser, you may believe it is absolute truth. Try this cognitive behavioral technique called “the three C’sâ€: catch, check, change. Catch yourself thinking something negative about yourself. Check whether your distressing thought is true. Change it, if not. You can talk back to your negative thoughts. Challenge them. Serve as a defense attorney to the prosecutor in your head.
- Embrace the concept of “good enoughâ€: Many people feel they should be perfect—never angry, always generous, never critical, always right, and so on. These expectations deny that imperfection is the human condition. If you are one of these people with too-high expectations for yourself, ask yourself what is good enough?
- Consider turning to spirituality or religion: Many spiritual or religious traditions center on the belief that people are flawed but inherently good, not only lovable but also inherently loved. These beliefs can serve as a huge balm for the hurting soul. The practices of meditation and mindfulness, too, can foster feelings of self-compassion as well as loving kindness toward others.
- If you hate yourself for mistakes you made, make amends: You may be reading this and thinking, “This does not apply to me. I did something so awful that I can never be forgiven.†First, as much as you condemn yourself, ask if you would equally condemn—to their face—someone else who did the same thing. If not, then you are being unfair to yourself. Perhaps you really did do something awful. If you cannot make amends to the person or people you harmed, do something good for somebody else. Beating up on yourself serves nobody. Doing good for others or taking part in a larger movement not only helps others, it helps you—and it can lead to self-forgiveness.
- Try therapy: A good, compassionate therapist can help you foster self-compassion and better understand the roots of your self-loathing.
My Questions for You
Do you ever hate yourself? If so, what helps you to deal with this brutal judge who lives inside your head? What tips do you have for others in the same situation?
Did you ever hear the saying, “Friends don’t let friends drive drunk� Friends don’t let friends live their lives drunk, either. From your description, her behavior sounds like she may be addicted to alcohol, or someone who abuses alcohol and is at risk of becoming addicted. Alcoholism is a chronic, dangerous issue.
You were a good friend and told her that she is courting trouble; sometimes it hurts to hear the truth. When you told her that her behavior was ruining her relationships, yours included, she got angry and accusative. It sounds like she needs help, just as you told her. She’s lost her boyfriend and her job and is sponging off her mom. “She blows up at everyone around her,†you wrote. This is one of the many symptoms of alcoholism.
Does her mother understand where the money is going? It sounds like the mom is being used, and, as you say, the mom’s money is enabling your friend’s dangerous behavior. Perhaps the mom gives her daughter money because she feels sorry for her. People with alcoholism are experts at playing on others’ feelings so they can get what they want. You’re her best friend, and you’re trying to stop her from ruining her life. Rather than thinking about what you are saying, she accuses you of always judging her and telling her what to do. And maybe you do.
I once heard someone describe stopping drinking as like “stopping a speeding express train barehanded.†Your friend may have to hit bottom before she can begin the long climb back. I know you want to help her, but people can’t be helped if they aren’t willing and able to accept help. Stopping her is not in your power. She can get better, but she has to choose to first, and then she has to work long, hard, and with great determination. No one can do it for her.
You ask who owns this problem—clearly, your friend does. The problem is hers to do something about. Or not.
My opinion: She should join a 12-step program, consult a therapist, and perhaps a psychopharmacologist, too. Remember, alcoholism is a very serious issue, and needs professional treatment—much more than even the best of friends can give her. It sounds like you have already given her a great deal; perhaps it’s time for you to step back.
If you want to remain her friend, you might consider joining Al-Anon, which focuses on problems common to family members and friends of people with alcoholism. Some of those problems are loyalty to abusive people and a tendency toward excessive caretaking. Does this sound familiar?
You need support, too. A tough-love approach might be helpful for you both, and you would benefit from the backing of other Al-Anon members who know how to negotiate the alcoholism territory, which is a rough one. As when you’re in the jungle, you need a compass and companions so you can work together and find your way out—you and your friend, both.
I wish good luck to both of you.
Best wishes,
Lynn
Mary-Lynne, the 10-month-old baby in a video called “Emotional baby! Too cute!†(see below) feels her mother’s musically expressed emotion very strongly. As her mother soulfully sings the 1988 Rod Stewart song “My Heart Can’t Tell You No,†Mary-Lynne’s facial expressions move from wide-eyed wonder to scrunch-faced smiles to streaming tears to what appear to be grimaces.
Since being published on October 18, 2013, the video has gone viral with its over 16 million views and 100,000-plus “likes†(and counting), with most of the YouTube comments consisting of things like “cute baby,†and “this is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.†But with over 3,000 “dislikes,†there are also some who insist that the video is “not so cuteâ€; one of these is Tere Peman, who comments, “The baby is scared of mom[’s] unusual voice. [S]he begin[s] to smile when [the] mother seems to stop singing.†Peman, who says in her comment that she is a mother, too, goes on to suggest that the baby is, in fact, “suffering.â€
Even the mother, Amanda Leroux, acknowledges this toward the end of the video when she stops singing and says to baby Mary-Lynne, “Oh, you feel the pain in the song, yeah honey? Big tears. Are you crying? Oh, you’re crying, monkey. OK, mommy’s done. … It’s just a song.â€
In a Skype interview with The Today Show on Tuesday, Leroux says she’s been singing to Mary-Lynne since she was in the womb, and was just trying to capture video of her baby’s particularly potent emotional response to the song to share with her husband and family (Schlosser, 2013). Her intention was not for the video to go viral, and she probably couldn’t have imagined that multitudes of people would be commenting on what she presents as an intimate moment of bonding with her child. Such is the nature of social media, though.
And considering the widespread viewing of this video as well as the mixed, predominately positive responses of those who have watched and commented on it, GoodTherapy.org decided to check in with Ruth Wyatt, LCSW and child psychology Topic Expert, to see what she thinks of the video “Emotional Baby, Too Cute!â€
A Child Psychology Expert Perspective on ‘Emotional Baby’
Wyatt’s immediate response was that Mary-Lynne, although an adorable baby, is not at all happy. “Clearly, this mother is wanting to share something with her daughter. Sharing our feelings with our children can be a very important way we connect to them,†she says. However, Wyatt adds, “As beautiful and important as it is for us to share our feelings with our children, we need to understand where our children are developmentally and what they can handle.â€
Noting how Mary-Lynne smiles when her mother stops singing and cries when she starts again, Wyatt says, “My sense is that the baby [is] in some distress and that she [is] confused by her mother’s singing, hence the shift in affect.†She adds, “Perhaps picking up on the sadness of the song or responding to the altered state of the mother, the baby does not seem to feel safe. My sense is that she wants the calm, soothing mom to return.â€
She goes on to say, “Babies have no language but they can feel and take in the cadence of our voices, our feelings behind our words. I think this mother just needs to tune in a bit more to these aspects of her baby and maybe save the sad songs for when the baby is a bit older.â€
Have you seen the video? What do you think? Is “emotional baby†cute, or not so cute?
Reference:
- Leroux, A. (2013, October 18). “Emotional baby! Too cute!†YouTube . Retrieved from http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nIsCs9_-LP8
- Schlosser, K. (2013, October 29). Baby girl moved to tears by mom’s singing in viral video. Today.com. Retrieved from http://www.today.com/moms/baby-girl-moved-tears-moms-singing-viral-video-8C11487730
First, let me say that I admire your candor, your self-awareness, and your desire to work on this issue. I believe that all of these things will ultimately make you successful in addressing this issue and coming to a place of greater satisfaction in your life.
Jealousy is often a protective strategy fueled by more vulnerable feelings, such as worthlessness or feelings of inadequacy. No therapist can tell you exactly what the particular vulnerability is, but a skilled therapist can help guide you toward identifying and transforming whatever it might be in your case. Establishing a context for the origin of these feelings within the safety of a therapeutic relationship can help you to challenge the feelings and begin healing.
Healing the wounds of the past will likely foster a sense of confidence in your ability to make changes in your present life. For example, you specifically mention feeling jealous of colleagues. Are you satisfied and fulfilled by your work? My hunch is that you are not. If my hunch is correct, it makes sense to start thinking about what you want out of your work. Are you in the field you want to be in? Do you want to move up into a higher-level position? Do you want to explore options at a different company? Answering these questions and others that might arise may point you in a different direction professionally. It sounds like there is also significant dissatisfaction with your personal life. A similar assessment of what it is that you are seeking can be applied here, too.
As for Facebook, you are not alone in the experience you describe. In fact, a recent study indicates that the more young adults use Facebook, the more dissatisfied they become (Kross, Verduyn, Demiralp, Park, Lee, Lin, Shablack, Jonides, and Ybarra, 2013). It seems to me that people very often post the good stuff of life on Facebook. They share promotions, successes, home purchases, marriages, the births of children, and vacations. So, you can walk away feeling like everyone’s life is better than your own. But the truth is, no one’s life is perfect. Everyone has challenges, pain, and frustration—they just might not choose to share those things in a Facebook status.
Looking inward, healing old wounds, determining what you want, and creating a plan to get it can be very difficult work—I certainly don’t wish to imply that it is simple. Because it can be difficult, even painful, work that takes time, I do hope you will consider partnering with a therapist who can support you throughout the process. Collaborating with a therapist can also help you to explore ways to make yourself more comfortable as you seek to make changes in your life. You don’t have to wait until you accomplish your goals and dreams to be happy.
Reference:
Kross E, Verduyn P, Demiralp E, Park J, Lee DS, et al. (2013) Facebook Use Predicts Declines in Subjective Well-Being in Young Adults. PLoS ONE 8(8): e69841. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0069841
All the best,
Sarah
About half of all Americans believe in ghosts, with 22% reporting a personal experience with ghostly phenomena, according to a 2009 CBS News poll. Science and religion have long competed to explain seemingly paranormal experiences, such as hearing the voice of a deceased loved one or seeing ghostly figures. While no one can say with certainty that ghosts aren’t a part of our world, psychological phenomena may explain many common experiences.
Suggestibility and Priming
People are highly social creatures, and this means they’re also highly suggestible. If you see another person behaving fearfully, for example, you’re more likely to feel fear, even if there’s no obvious threat.
Suggestibility can fuel myths about ghosts and haunted houses, particularly in an environment that seems creepy. If you stay at an ostensibly haunted house, you’re primed to see ghosts because you’ve been told you might. This means you might interpret a strange noise as a sign that a ghost is present, particularly if other people seem frightened by the noise. Old and abandoned houses and locations that have a scary story—such as a hotel where someone was killed, or a home where someone committed suicide—can further prime your mind to “see†ghosts, even when you might otherwise explain away unusual apparitions and sounds.
Hallucinations
It’s easy to think of hallucinations as the domain of people who are disconnected from reality, but hallucinations are fairly common. About 10% of people who don’t have psychiatric issues report experiencing a hallucination at least once. People are more likely to hallucinate after the death of a loved one, and a large portion of people who have lost close family members report “seeing†or “hearing†the family member shortly after his or her death.
If you have vision or hearing problems, your odds of hallucinating are greatly increased, as degenerative conditions that affect the senses can cause you to perceive things that aren’t really there.
Sleep Issues
Perhaps one of the most frightening and common human experiences is the “phantom face.†Sleep paralysis helps to keep you safe when you’re sleeping. It prevents you from jumping out of your bed when you dream you’re jumping on a trampoline and ensures that you don’t actually hit someone when you dream you’re in a fight. Sometimes, though, sleep paralysis lasts a few moments longer than sleep itself. This can cause you to wake up unable to move, and images from your dreams can make their way into your waking life, seeming very real.
About 40% of people report seeing an image, such as a phantom face, upon waking up. This phenomenon can be terrifying, but it’s not caused by ghosts. The technical term for this type of sleep-induced hallucination is a hypnagogic hallucination.
Connecting Unconnected Things
The human mind is incredibly adept at building connections. This is the reason we’re able to master complex math, build seemingly intelligent machines, and remember vast quantities of information. But this connection-building tendency can also cause people to believe things that aren’t true. Apophenia is the tendency to see connections between unconnected events. This tendency can cause you to interpret mundane experiences as supernatural. For example, if you dream about your grandmother and then hear her favorite song on the radio, you might conclude that she’s communicating with you.
Pareidolia, a related phenomenon, occurs when people “complete†incomplete images. There are mundane examples of this in everyday life. Anyone who has noted that the front of a car looks like a face is engaging in pareidolia. Pareidolia, however, can also cause people to see ghostly images. Your mind, for example, might perceive a cloud of dust as a face. Combined with high suggestibility, apophenia and pareidolia can cause you to see things that aren’t there. And while the two behaviors can be associated with some mental health conditions, they’re normal cognitive processing mechanisms that everyone engages in from time to time.
References:
- Alfano, S. (2009, February 11). Poll: Majority believe in ghosts. CBSNews. Retrieved from http://www.cbsnews.com/2100-500160_162-994766.html
- Pareidolia. (n.d.). The Skeptic’s Dictionary. Retrieved from http://skepdic.com/pareidol.html
- Poulsen, B. (2012, July 31). Being amused by apophenia. Psychology Today. Retrieved from http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/reality-play/201207/being-amused-apophenia
- Sacks, O. W. (2012). Hallucinations. New York, NY: Alfred A. Knopf.
People have long constructed elaborate stories to explain things that science can’t. Almost every society has at least one origin myth. Ancient people constructed human-like gods to explain the weather, illnesses, and problems with interpersonal interactions.
While it’s easy to look back on outdated superstitions with equal parts confusion and judgment, there are still some things science hasn’t been able to fully explain. Parapsychology aims to fill this gap in knowledge, explaining phenomena that leave some people confused and others doubting the existence of the phenomena in the first place.
What Parapsychologists Study
Parapsychologists study any seemingly paranormal phenomena that are not studied by the broader psychological or scientific communities. Telepathy, near-death experiences, and extrasensory perception (ESP) have historically been popular parapsychology topics, alongside near-death experiences. Ghost-like phenomena such as apparitions are increasingly popular topics of study. Ian Stevenson, a University of Virginia psychiatrist, investigated reincarnation and past lives, and found that very young children sometimes reported “memories†of previous lives or life before birth.
Tools and Theories
Parapsychologists have developed a number of theoretical explanations for paranormal phenomena. For example, Stevenson found that, of the children who described reincarnation, almost half had birth marks. He theorized that these marks could be the sites of injuries, or even fatal wounds, in a previous life.
Electronic voice phenomenon (EVP) has quickly become one of the most widely used tools in the parapsychological community. EVP, used on ghost-hunting television shows, works by increasing background noise on a recording. The recording is then amplified and played back, and the resulting sounds can resemble a human voice.
Parapsychologists have developed several theories to explain EVP. Some argue that ghosts and other entities create EVP via psychokinesis. Mainstream scientists have argued, by contrast, that EVP could be the result of radio interference and fraud. People who are invested in believing EVP may hear voices where there are none. Parapsychologists who take EVP recordings often transcribe the recordings in an attempt to make them more easily understood, but these transcriptions can be suggestive and cause listeners to hear a voice when they might not otherwise.
Reception in the Scientific Community
Parapsychology is widely considered a pseudoscience in the mainstream psychological community. This does not, however, mean that research into paranormal phenomena is scientifically invalid. Some seemingly paranormal phenomena, such as near-death experiences, have been researched by mainstream scientists. Oxygen deprivation and other abnormalities in the brain near death may contribute to near-death experiences. Apparitions such as ghosts could be caused by hallucinations, dreams, and high suggestibility.
Mainstream psychologists emphasize that parapsychology is more focused on confirming the existence of paranormal phenomena than scientifically explaining it. Small or biased sample sizes can alter the results of studies, and there have been several reports of outright fraud. For example, psychics and mediums may use cold and warm readings to get seemingly accurate results. A cold reading works by making broad statements that are very likely to be true, such as, “I’m sensing an older man in your life who has died.†Many people know at least one older man who has died. A warm reading gains information about a subject through secondary sources. A psychic might, for example, talk to a subject’s mother prior to her reading and gain additional information that can be used to convince the subject of the reading’s validity.
Some paranormal psychologists accept unscientific or unproven premises as part of their research. They might assume, for example, that all people have past lives and then attempt to demonstrate how past lives affect present ones, without ever demonstrating the actual existence of past lives.
References:
- About the Parapsychological Association. (n.d.). The Parapsychological Association. Retrieved from http://www.parapsych.org/base/about.aspx
- Carroll, R. T. (n.d.). Parapsychology. The Skeptic’s Dictionary. Retrieved from http://skepdic.com/parapsy.html
- French, C. C. (2008, March 15). Is parapsychology a pseudoscience? [PDF]. Conference on Science and Pseudoscience.
What does it mean to hear voices? Is someone who hears voices and sees visions necessarily schizophrenic, or could these hallucinations, as they are commonly called, simply be another of the myriad ways the human psyche responds to traumatic life experiences?
Groups like Intervoice, which is also known as The International Network for Training, Education, and Research into Hearing Voices, are devoted to raising awareness of what it means to hear voices–an experience that is far more common than most people believe.
And yet, despite increased global consciousness regarding voices and visions, the fact remains that the majority of individuals who show up in psychiatrists’ offices saying they hear and see things that no one else sees or hears are likely to receive a diagnosis of schizophrenia. Unfortunately, this often leads to long periods of psychiatric care that may cause further damage to these individuals’ psyches.
A Personal Account: Eleanor Longden’s Story
In a TED TalentSearch video published on July 5, 2012, Eleanor Longden, a woman who was diagnosed with schizophrenia at 17 years old, shares her lifelong struggle to understand and make peace with the voices in her head. Longden, who is now a published academic author with a master’s degree in psychology, says her experience of hearing a “disembodied voice†as a teenager quickly led to hospital admittance and receiving the diagnoses of schizophrenia.
Being labeled mentally ill in the eyes of healthcare professionals took its toll on her self-image; additionally, she says, “[H]aving been encouraged to see the voice not as an experience, but as a symptom, my fear and resistance towards it intensified.â€
This, in turn, propelled her to take an “aggressive stance†against her mind, which she believes contributed to an increased cacophony of voices resounding in her head. The voices eventually morphed into visual hallucinations of a “bizarre†and “grotesque†nature. At one point, she says she felt “so tormented by my voices that I attempted to drill a hole in my head in order to get them out.â€
Ultimately, Longden said that when her perspective began to shift regarding her chances of recovery thanks to the help of the “good and generous people†who believed in her, she discovered what she had always suspected: “My voices were a meaningful response to painful life events, particularly childhood events, and as such, were not my enemies, but . . . insights into solvable emotional problems.†This realization gave her the strength to gather the fractured pieces of her “splintered self†and eventually, to apply her personal experience to her studies in advanced psychology. She now believes, “An important question in psychiatry shouldn’t be, ‘What’s wrong with you?’ but rather, ‘What happened to you?’â€
Aside from being a survivor of a harrowing battle with what was diagnosed as schizophrenia, Longden is now part of Intervoice, which she describes as seeking to establish “voice hearing as a creative and ingenious survival strategy; a sane reaction to insane circumstances—not as an abstract symptom of illness to be endured, but as a complex, significant, and meaningful experience to be explored.â€
Stories to Tell: The Significance of Hearing Voices
In 1997, a meeting of mental health professionals and voice hearers in Maastricht, one of the oldest cities in the Netherlands, led to the creation of Intervoice. The earlier hearing voices groups that paved the way for Intervoice to become what it is today were inspired in the late 1980s by the work of Marius Romme, MD, PhD, and Sandra Escher, PhD, at the University of Maastricht.
Originally, according to the Intervoice website (www.intervoiceonline.org), Dr. Romme did not believe that his clients who reported hearing voices were actually hearing them. Like many psychiatrists, “[H]e had always dismissed voices as being part of the delusional and hallucinatory world of the psychiatrically ill.â€
Now, however, Romme states in his personal message to those who visit the Intervoice site, “There are many fears and misunderstandings in society and within psychiatry about hearing voices. They are generally regarded as a symptom of illness, something that is negative, to be got rid of and consequently the content and meaning of the voice experience is rarely discussed.â€
This is an important point to consider, seeing as the most common mode of treatment for people diagnosed with schizophrenia is psychotropic medication. In fact, a recent GfK study revealed that 45%, nearly half, of those handed prescriptions to cope with their voices and visions do not follow their doctors’ drug orders. For the past 17 years, GfK researchers in the field of psychiatry have conducted this study, and the rate of noncompliance has ranged from 41% to 46% since 2009.
The most common reasons for noncompliance cited by prescribing psychiatrists are “dislike of medication, concern about side effects, and denial of illness.†The unpleasant side effects reported by 71% of psychiatrists in the 2013 study were drowsiness, weight gain, and extra-pyramidal symptoms (EPS) such as tremors, stiffness, and severe restlessness (Stanton 2013). The primary assumption on the part of researchers and psychiatrists is that there must be something wrong with the medications. But it’s possible that the people who refuse to take these pills or who do not take them as directed are onto something with their “denial of illness.â€
In light of the movement to raise awareness about voices, visions, and extra sensory perceptions as a globally shared aspect of the human experience, one has to wonder whether the core issue is more likely to be overdiagnosis or misdiagnosis—potentialities that have stirred much discourse and debate, particularly with regard to African-Americans (De Coux Hampton 2007; Helwick 2012; Vedantam 2005).
In Eleanor Longden’s experience, psychiatric care left her feeling hopelessly flawed and ultimately defeated. True healing came when she realized, with the help of professional counselors and loved ones, that each of the voices she was hearing represented a piece of her fractured psyche, and each fragment had a story to tell. Acknowledging these stories, she says, was essential to her recovery—and she is not alone in this conclusion.
According to research conducted by Romme and Escher with over 300 voice hearers, “70% of people who hear voices can point to a traumatic life event that triggered their voices,†and “talking about voices and what they mean is a very effective way to reduce anxiety and isolation; even when the voices are overwhelming and seemingly destructive, they often have an important message for the hearer.†Of course, it is important to go through the process of listening to voices under the guidance of a licensed professional. Especially in the early stages, it may be difficult to decipher their true meaning without help.
An International Movement to Manifest Change
To spark further conversation and exploration, Intervoice, Voices Vic, and Hearing Voices Network Australia are organizing this year’s World Hearing Voices Congress (www.hearingvoices2013.org), an annual gathering of voice hearers, mental health professionals, students, researchers, and anyone else who wishes to deepen their understanding of what it means to hear voices. The 2013 event, “Hearing Voices: Journeys to Understanding,†is being held from November 20 to 22 in Melbourne, Australia.
Additionally, on their “National Networks†page, Intervoice provides listings of hearing voices communities in 22 countries across the globe. The few options listed in the United States are in Denver, Colorado; Holyoke, Massachusetts; and Portland, Oregon. However, the Hearing Voices Network USA (www.hearingvoicesusa.org), based in Madison, Wisconsin, also provides a search tool for U.S. groups, and reveals additional hearing voices support groups in Arizona, Colorado, Idaho, Illinois, Massachusetts, Michigan, New Jersey, New York, Oregon, Pennsylvania, and Vermont.
Thanks to groups such as these, those who do not wish to accept the widely held notion that they are “disordered†or “mentally ill†because of their voices, visions, and extra sensory perceptions can find kinship with people all over the world. And the more individuals like Eleanor Longden who stand up and share their stories, the more likely the possibility is for real change in the mental health field regarding this fascinating facet of the human experience.
References:
- DeCoux Hampton, M. (2007, December). The role of treatment setting and high acuity in the overdiagnosis of schizophrenia in African Americans. Archives of Psychiatric Nursing, Vol. 21, Issue 6. 327-335.
- Helwick, C. (2012, July 31). Schizophrenia may be overdiagnosed in black patients. Medscape Medical News. Retrieved from http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/768391
- Longden, Eleanor. (2012, July 5). Learning from the voices in my head. TED TalentSearch . Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AgZHOSxN5cE
- Romme, M. Welcome message from Prof Marius Romme. Intervoice: The International Hearing Voices Network. Retrieved from http://www.intervoiceonline.org/about-intervoice/welcome-message-from-prof-marius-romme
- Stanton, D. (2013, October 14). New GFK study finds 45% of schizophrenia patients do not comply with doctors’ prescribing instructions [GfK Press Release]. Retrieved from http://www.gfk.com/us/news-and-events/press-room/press-releases/pages/new-gfk-study-finds-45-of-schizophrenia-patients-do-not-comply-with-doctors-prescribing-instructions-.aspx
- Vedantam, S. (2005, June 28). Racial disparities found in pinpointing mental illness. The Washington Post. Retrieved from http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/06/27/AR2005062701496.html