While vacationing in Rincon, a beautiful beach town in Puerto Rico, I fell into a seven-foot hole. There were no streetlights in the tiny village and I was out in the dark night… The fall, the pain, and being stuck in a remote place traumatized me; I was left in a cast for 7 months with a severely shattered heel. Having no choice in the matter, the time I spent recovering left me feeling trapped in my body. But, eventually, I began to listen to what it was saying.
Previously, I wrote about my challenge with cancer and how the experience of a healer aligning my energy helped me transform what would have been a death sentence. This time, once I surrendered to the obtrusive, uncomfortable cast I was confined by, it was, again, listening to my body that fueled a transformation.
The first clear instruction I felt from my body, as I was laid up with the cast, was to get some kind of bodywork or massage, and my first session was a profound experience of both Source Energy and trauma resolution. I was working with a polarity massage therapist, who guided me in breathing as she moved my energy through gentle manipulation and touch. After 15 minutes, as she was balancing the energy of my injured leg, I felt a sensation of electric voltage running through my body. Then the images came. First I relived the fall in Puerto Rico, and then I went back further in time.
I could see myself at 36, single and sitting in my first house on its closing day. Right there on the massage table, I became aware of the powerful scent of cedar wood from the house I had so much history in. It was so evocative, I began to cry. There was so much clarity, and I felt connected in my mind, body, and spirit to perfect harmony in that moment.
As she continued the body work, the visions kept coming, and she encouraged me to keep describing them. I remembered getting cancer treatments while I lived in that house. I saw myself in the hospital for my first chemotherapy, and my body began thrashing on her table. All the traumas of the treatments, surgeries, infections, and medical intrusions to my body swept through me with quickly shifting images, and I kept crying.
During the time of my cancer recovery I had to be strong. It was only then, during this later bodywork session, that I was able to grieve. It was a letting go of traumas my body was holding on to. I was so thankful for being able to release the locked memories; I could feel the healing immediately. While the day was cathartic and sad, it was also renewing and enlivening. It was my whole being experiencing itself as loving Source Energy, and I’m still blessed from that day.
That began my deep investigation into many methods of body-centered (somatic) and energetic healing, along with an awareness that Source Energy can be experienced, clarified, and joyfully expressed though the process of trauma resolution.
The dictionary defines trauma as an emotional wound or shock often having long-lasting effects. Suffice it to say, there are a multitude of occurrences that humans experience that would fall into the definition of trauma. As trauma expert Peter Levine writes, “The healing of trauma depends upon the recognition of its symptoms. Because traumatic symptoms are largely the result of primitive responses, they are often difficult to recognize. People don’t need a definition of trauma; we need an experiential sense of how it feels.”
It is in this experiential sense of how it feels that we begin to discover even clearer Source Energy and a new kind of buoyancy as each trauma organically resolves. Simultaneously, we gradually realize that our heart is the conduit of Source Energy, informing us through our bodies.
The heart is a greater intelligence than the mind. By knowing that, it can help those of us who are used to thinking primarily in a linear way. The mind speaks in words and either/ors, while the heart speaks in feelings, felt senses, imagery, or through the body. We have all felt butterflies in the stomach, chills down the spine, and many other variations of similar feelings. The heart speaks from complexity and harmony all at once, which is beyond our mind’s capacity. Through subtle communications from the body, we can strengthen our inner compass and know with more clarity who we are and how we want to be in our world.
Even after significant trauma healing, there can still be contractions. While they serve as signals from the body that another trauma is ready to be resolved, they can feel unpleasant. In addition, we still have our conditioned thinking, programmed before the resolutions, to contend with, and this can block Source Energy. These are often noticed as critical thoughts and can sometimes make you think you are back to square one of the suffering.
However, once the contractions are recognized for what they are, they tend to resolve quickly, bringing us to an even more integrated, whole-feeling place. There is no going back. Our central nervous systems have been re-regulated to function without the inner blocks and separations. Our physiological and psychological homeostasis has a new resting place from which to engage life.
When traumas resolve and heal, we can have a more agreeable experience of what it means to be human. Each time my traumas resolved, I found myself more self-loving, more clear about the world, and much more compassionate toward others. When we’ve healed internal traumas, we are also more resilient and confident. There is a greater sense being present in our moment-to-moment existence. As Levine also says, “A trauma resolved is like a gift from the gods.” And in that gift is a passageway to access Source Energy.
The magnetic pull of destructive conditioned thinking and the release of it will be the crux of “Part Four: Hosting Source Energy,” the next installment of this series.
Levine, P. (1997). Walking the tiger: Healing trauma. Berkeley, CA: North Atlantic Books.
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