Divorce / Divorce Adjustment

Overview of Divorce / Divorce Adjustment: The end of a marriage is one of the most stressful events a person can experience. Even for the partner who chooses to leave, divorce is likely to bring up a range of painful and difficult emotions, possibly including grief, guilt anger, confusion, fear, shame, anxiety, and other intense feelings. If children are involved, the stress level is likely to be even higher.

People sometimes seek therapy to help them decide whether to stay in a marriage or leave. Others may seek help making the transition from marriage to being single again. Both these goals can be addressed in individual or couple’s work.

The Medical Model and Divorce: A diagnosis of an adjustment disorder is quite possible when going through a divorce. More difficult transitions may lead to a diagnosis of depression, anxiety disorder, sleep disorders, or, in some cases, when people use chemicals to deal with the stress and sadness, an addiction or dependency issue. People who have a dependent personality disorder may have great difficulty adjusting to divorce, as may those diagnosed with narcissistic personality.

Many people perceive divorce as a personal failure. Therapy can help work through those feelings, make sense of the end of one’s marriage, and obtain a new perspective. Divorce can be an opportunity to grow and become a stronger, wiser person – qualities that will serve us will in future relationships.

Case Examples of Divorce:

Rudy and Jill, in their early 30’s, childless, come in for marriage counseling, considering separation. Jill wants to save the marriage; Rudy is ready to leave. After two or three sessions, it becomes clear to everyone that Rudy has made up his mind. The therapist helps the couple to talk about their relationship openly in a way that helps them both to learn and grow, and to prepare for separation. After the separation occurs, the therapist continues to work with Jill to help her manage her grief and begin moving forward as a single woman.

Ralph, 59, enters therapy after divorcing his wife of 30 years. Ralph’s children are grown, and he had been unhappy for years. He hoped the divorce would make him happy, but he finds he is devastated by the loss. His wife, who wanted to stay married, seems to Ralph “to be doing fine,” and this confuses him terribly. He even spoke to his wife about reconciling, but she is now uninterested. Ralph thinks that is for the best, but he cannot seem to make the adjustment to being single. The therapist helps Ralph identify his fears about being single, and begin developing the skills and support system he needs to stay connected with people and hopeful about the future. Together, they identify the benefits of marriage that Ralph has chosen to give up, and also the benefits of being single Ralph can now enjoy. The therapist also helps Ralph get in touch with his grief and his guilt, his positive feelings towards his wife, and his fears about staying connected with his children.

Therapy for Divorce: There is a wide range of Psychotherapy Treatment Models or types of therapy used in the treatment of divorce. Most of these approaches fall into three historic camps of psychology: Psychoanalytic / Psychodynamic approaches; Behaviorism and; Humanism. Regardless of the type of therapy, there are some generally agreed upon elements of healthy therapy which are universal to all forms of psychotherapy. Before beginning therapy for divorce or any other issue, it is helpful to familiarize oneself with these elements.

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