What’s Wrong with You? Nothing. Stand Strong in Who You Are.

Young child in goggles plays in sprinkler with carefree smileThere seems to be a lot of information out there about relationships with others, but not as much is said about the relationship you have with yourself. I’m a huge believer that the relationship you have with yourself is the most precious of all. Everything else stems from that relationship. If you have a solid foundation in appreciating how you think, what you believe, and how you see yourself, every connection you make and everything you put your energy into will reflect that.

Here is a question for you: How often do you consider outside information about who you are as opposed to looking within for the truth?

Maybe I can help. The truth is there is nothing wrong with you. You’re just right the way you are; I don’t care what “proof” you think you can dig up to argue otherwise. When you gauge who you are based on others’ perspectives, you’re giving away a lot of your power and sense of self. Another person’s view of you, whether positive or negative, is just that—their perspective. It’s not the final word. It’s not definitive. Be rooted in who you are so you can make choices and live a life that matches your true essence.

Here are some things to remember when someone or something comes along that leads you to doubt who you are and what you stand for:

1. It’s Not Personal

Nobody other than you could possibly know what your heart wants and what your desires are. Nobody. Criticism and negative reactions that you receive from others have little or nothing to do with you. It’s not personal.

If an outside reaction toward you is judgmental and strong, that points to another’s hurt, pain, and “issues” being misdirected onto you. Take these reactions with a grain of salt, especially when the other person is highly emotionally charged.

2. Identify Your Support Network

When you need some reassurance because you’re feeling ungrounded and doubtful, seek out the people in your life whom you love and respect to provide you with some TLC.

We all need validation every now and then in order to keep self-doubt at bay so we can clearly see our strengths and true character. Know who you can lean on when you need a little pick-me-up, and don’t be afraid to lean on those people as needed.

If an outside reaction toward you is judgmental and strong, that points to another’s hurt, pain, and “issues” being misdirected onto you.

3. Your Idea of Happiness Is Happiness

None of the external stuff (labels, praise, etc.) matters more than how you view yourself. Saying this reminds me of the tale about the person who appears to have it all—the abundance of money, the loving family, the solid relationships, the booming career—yet finds themselves unhappy. Your definition of happiness may not be someone else’s. What makes you happy might not be what the world says should make you happy.

Learning to accept this is important in allowing yourself to just BE. Everyone is free to like what they like, including you. Stay mindful about what is important to you, and continue doing the actions and behaviors that allow you to feel content. That everyone will have their own opinions, opinions that might fall on the other end of the spectrum from yours, is a healthy reality to get comfortable with. Allow others to have their bliss and, in turn, allow yourself to find and have it too.

4. Differences Make the World Go ’Round

Just because someone views something differently than you does not mean they are right. The concept of “right” and “wrong” can, at times, encourage pretty restrictive, black-and-white thinking that tends to divide instead of bridge people. A world filled with people who make different choices and have different opinions makes life interesting. As much as it can get challenging when someone thinks differently than you, it’s within that moment you are presented with an opportunity to learn, drop judgment, and see another way. In a nutshell, this is how you grow.

Outside perspectives have their place, and that’s outside. If you haven’t done so yet, I encourage you to take some time and energy to ensure you are respecting, loving, and taking care of your amazing self. Instead of doubting who you are and what you enjoy, stand for it. After all, at the end of the day, the only opinion that matters and dictates the quality of your life is yours.

© Copyright 2016 GoodTherapy.org. All rights reserved. Permission to publish granted by Kim Egel, MA, MFT, therapist in Cardiff, California

The preceding article was solely written by the author named above. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. Questions or concerns about the preceding article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment below.

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  • Chelsea

    Chelsea

    October 28th, 2016 at 11:22 AM

    You know that you are with the wrong person for you when they are always trying to pin every stitch of blame on you and tell u that when things go wrong that it is always your fault. And if you don’t believe in yourself and feel good about who you are then it will be very easy to start to believe those lies that they are telling you. Be strong! You don’t need someone dragging you down like that.

  • Leigh

    Leigh

    October 28th, 2016 at 1:38 PM

    The long and short of it is that no one will ever love you like you love you

  • gus

    gus

    October 29th, 2016 at 10:23 AM

    It is those who are not that comfortable in their own skin who seem to always be the ones who are the most bent on making you think that there is something wrong with you. Like the typical bully I am pretty sure that this how they derive their own strength, by somehow making someone else feel just as bad about themselves as they do. The thing is though that this is not a battle that you should ever have to lose once you take notice and understand that this is the only reason why they are behaving this way.

  • Adrian

    Adrian

    October 30th, 2016 at 8:34 AM

    It is high time that we all accepted the fact that we are all different, no two people are alike, right? Just like snowflakes. It is these differences that seriously make the world go round, It doesn’t make one any better than another, just Different, and differences have to be celebrated, not looked down on.

  • Teena

    Teena

    October 30th, 2016 at 12:38 PM

    Without my best girlfriends I would literally be lost
    they are my rock

  • Travis

    Travis

    October 31st, 2016 at 7:07 AM

    Come on now we know that most people when they say their little snide remarks it is very much personal and they are doing so to intentionally hurt you I don’t think that it is healthy to fool yourself and believe that oh they meant nothing by it. That does not mean that you always have to take to heart and impact what you believe to be true but they are saying what they mean.

  • judith

    judith

    October 31st, 2016 at 10:12 AM

    The only thing wrong with most of us is that we too easily allow others to make us believe that there is something wrong.

  • Roger

    Roger

    October 31st, 2016 at 2:02 PM

    So what happens when you feel like you have been nothing but deserted by your so called friends?

  • Rudy

    Rudy

    November 2nd, 2016 at 12:28 PM

    I know that you suggest to not take things personal, but when someone is constantly harping on you it can become quite hard to not take it personal. It is like they do everything that they can to set you up for failure and to have you believe that you could be trying more and doing more than what you are.

  • Alena M

    Alena M

    November 3rd, 2016 at 12:01 PM

    The problem is that there are too many people who still see differences as differences, not things that could bring us together but rather things that drive us apart.

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