Secrets are a part of everyone’s life. Each of us has a darker part of our lives or past that we carry each day. These events or memories become secrets we bottle up inside us for various reasons.
Some secrets are harmless, while others can be quite harmful. How is the pain of your secrets speaking to you?
Anyone can develop a habit of avoiding negative feelings at all costs, making it difficult to ever confront the secrets that are harmful to our well-being. For some, this can become a way of life due to the pain associated with certain memories, especially traumatic events in the past.
If you are someone who generally holds everything inside, your emotional pain may flow out or manifest in destructive ways without your awareness. The damaging effects may include numbing through too much drinking or drug use, over-working, self-loathing, loneliness, physical problems, reduced self-esteem, deep sadness, or destructive relationship patterns, among others. When you begin noticing these signs, your emotional pain may be communicating to you it is time to release the secret nature of certain memories. The price you pay may become steeper the longer these secrets remain pushed down within you, unable to be seen, acknowledged, and released.
Knowing the potential costs, why do we conceal from ourselves and others? We tend to hold onto harmful secrets primarily because of the embarrassment or shame we feel from what has occurred. We may fear how others would perceive us if they knew the flawed, scarred, or imperfect aspects of our being. Some secrets are so deep we may even put them out of our own awareness, allowing us to continue living a life where painful memories or parts of us are cut off from ourselves and others.
Over time, this increase in authenticity may lead to a more balanced state of existence through increased self-acceptance, self-worth, and self-love. When you begin to form compassion for all parts of yourself and your past, you can start the journey to healing and becoming whole again.
The hardest part of addressing secrets can be the process of accepting your past, thus accepting your whole self. When you are no longer ashamed, others can also begin to embrace all parts of you. Once you have started this journey, whether on your own or through therapy, it can be liberating to share these hidden aspects of your identity with those you love and care about. No longer will the secrets hold the power over you that once existed. This, in turn, can lead to feeling more connected to the world and those around you.
Taking some time and reflecting on which secrets or memories feel heaviest within you can help you begin uncovering your true self. When you begin to tackle the pain associated with your past that may be holding you back, you are likely to rediscover authentic parts of yourself that were pushed away with your secrets. You may begin to learn to be vulnerable and develop emotional intimacy with others.
Over time, this increase in authenticity may lead to a more balanced state of existence through increased self-acceptance, self-worth, and self-love. When you begin to form compassion for all parts of yourself and your past, you can start the journey to healing and becoming whole again.
If secrets are weighing on you and you need some help letting them go, consider working with a licensed therapist. Therapists offer a safe and nonjudgmental space where you can let all parts of yourself be seen, including (and especially) the ones you’ve long kept in the dark or out of your awareness.
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