Even though there can be life long debilitating psychological effects, sibling abuse may be the most ignored—if not accepted—form of domestic abuse (i.e. sexual, physical, emotional). Why is this kind of abuse ignored or minimized? There is a lot that is swept under the rug in the guise of “sibling rivalry.” And American law does not consider this a prosecutable offense unless a child is turned in by their parent(s). In other words, parents would have to be willing to file an assault charge against their own child. So parents keep this type of abuse within the family. And a lot of the time, they even blame the victim.

First some statistics: In an article entitled “A Major Threat to Children’s’ Mental Health,” Hart & Brassard reported that “There is evidence that brother-sister sexual relationships may be five times as common as father-daughter incest.” Finklehor and Baron, who are prominent researchers in the area of child abuse, state that “sibling sexual abuse is prevalent in a remarkably large quantity of individuals from virtually all social and family circumstances.” And a survey of 796 undergraduates of six New England colleges found that 15% of the females and 10% of the males reported having some type of sexual experience involving a sibling (Sibling Abuse – Wiehe). In this same publication it states that parents are aware of sexual abuse among siblings 18% of the time, emotional abuse 69% of the time and physical abuse 71% of the time.

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Sexual abuse aside, how do we define or recognize abuse among siblings? When there is an inequity in power between two adolescents and one uses control over the other to repeatedly hurt, threaten, or degrade, that is abusive behavior. Even name calling and ridicule can wear away at a child’s self worth and self-esteem. “Children are especially vulnerable to degrading remarks because it is during their childhood years that they are developing a positive sense of self.” Unfortunately, most parents see this behavior as sibling rivalry. And while most emotional and even physical abuse, should and can be handled by parents rather than the law, first parents have to recognize that it is abuse.

Sexual abuse is another story. Most incidents of sexual abuse by siblings go not only unreported but also undetected by parents. Most times, the siblings themselves recognize that what is happening is wrong and certainly it is recognized by society as wrong. So unlike physical and emotional abuse, this should be easier to detect by parents. But most kids don’t tell. They don’t tell because the older sibling is an authority figure, or because they are threatened or scared, or because they don’t realize that it is abuse because they blame themselves as much as their sibling for what is happening. And unlike physical or emotional abuse, it is happening secretly because the older sibling knows that they have crossed a line.

What causes one sibling to abuse another?

1. Acting out anger at parents on sibling or acting out anger at an older sibling on a younger sibling.
2. Parents overwhelmed by their own problems not paying attention.
3. Inappropriate expectations – older sibling given too much responsibility or freedom.
4. Mirroring parents behavior.
5. Viewing the behavior as normal by parents.
6. Socialization of males as dominant over females.
7. Contribution of victim. “Research supports the hypothesis that the behavioral patterns of the abused child tend to invite further abuse” (Wiehe). It becomes a vicious cycle.
8. “It is important to note that this interactional cycle theory does not blame the victim!” Rather it identifies a pattern in order to treat and help prevent further abuse.

What are the long-term effects of sibling abuse?

Time does not necessarily heal. Adult victims of childhood sibling abuse generally have lower self-esteem and are overly sensitive and insecure. They have trouble with relationships and repeat the victim role in their other relationships. They can have sexual functioning problems. There is continued self-blame at the same time that anger at their perpetrator is played out with others.

So how do parents and other family members distinguish between abusive and normal (sibling rivalry) behavior?

1. Is it age appropriate?
2. Does one child appear to be a constant victim?
3. Is the purpose of the behavior humiliation, sadism, to cause suffering, a result of a continual explosive anger?
4. Was the behavior planned, has it happened before, does the perpetrator feel remorseful?
5. Was property destroyed or animals abused?
6. The length and the degree of the behavior. One-time incidents, if serious enough (i.e. sexual abuse), can create a life long problem. Whereas name calling, ridiculing, and even teasing if done consistently and at certain vulnerable ages (i.e. between six and seven years and/or between eleven and twelve years of age) can also create life long problems.

We need to build awareness and educate families about the difference between abusive and normal behavior among siblings. Listen to children and believe them. Good supervision and encouraging openness about discussing sex while informing children to “own their own bodies” and respect others are simple, logical steps towards protecting our children from abuse by siblings, cousins and other children.

Why did I choose voice dialogue as the cornerstone of my counseling and coaching practice? Voice dialogue moves clients through the most profound healing of life’s traumas, and takes them beyond these barriers to growth. The process brings the facilitator and the client into a collaborative, safe crucible that guides the client through their complex, captivating inner landscape. With new skills to manage and conduct these characters in life, clients begin to achieve “extreme psychological, emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being.” With the help of voice dialogue they have the tools and self-knowledge to resiliently and effectively respond to conflicts and problems; while achieving their potential, and creating their dreams.

1. Voice dialogue is a brilliantly constructed method that allows me to draw on all of who I am. All the skills, insight, knowledge, and wisdom I have gleaned from a lifetime of personal and professional growth express through me as I facilitate a voice dialogue session.

2. Voice dialogue makes sense. Co-created by psychologists Drs. Hal and Sidra Stone, voice dialogue is based on forty years of study, clinical experience, and mapping of the human psyche (our inner world). It is founded on the premise that humans are not a single entity. Rather, they are made up of an organization of numerous and distinct structures called inner selves, sub-personalities, parts, or energy patterns. Each is born with a purpose, has its own beliefs about us and reality, and carries certain characteristics and behaviors. We develop and identify with our primary selves, while we bury or repress equal and opposite disowned selves. For much of our lives the primary selves are who we think we are. They are making our choices and driving our psychological car. By the very nature of life there comes a time where this imbalance creates problems and makes us blind to many new options or choices. Until we have choice, we are not free.

3. Voice dialogue is a well thought out, structured process by which we enter into direct communication with the client’s Inner Selves or sub-personalities. This careful step-by-step process makes voice dialogue the safest and most respectful tool for accessing the depths of the psyche that I have encountered. We never intrude into a person’s inner world without the permission of the existing ego structure. This means that if I have a dialogue with a disowned self (an aspect that is in the unconscious or shadow), the more conscious or primary selves have opened the gate to that territory voluntarily. This collaborative, inclusive approach brings astounding self-knowledge, and results in lasting healing and growth from the inside-out.

4. Voice dialogue guides the client toward a larger, more objective perspective, called the aware ego process that finds the gold in every sub-personality. This is a very expansive view that welcomes and includes even the most polarized and repressed aspects. Clients learn to incorporate the essence from opposite inner selves in response to life’s inevitable adversities; and to live, create, and communicate from much more of the totality of their being. The aware ego becomes a master of paradox (the ability to “sweat the tension of the opposites”), which is a foundation for living a more conscious life.

5. Voice dialogue works. In addition to learning about each inner self’s history, purpose, opinions, and behaviors; clients become aware that each has a distinct kinesthetic or energetic feel to it. One of the great gifts of the aware ego is its growing ability to conduct, or dial up and down, the energies of the selves. The aware ego process is like a conductor of the whole inner orchestra. As the client masters conducting, managing, and moderating the inner selves, almost unlimited options and choices become available. The client lives more from conscious choice than from automatic reactions and habits.

6. Voice dialogue is a flexible method. It supports the resolution of a full spectrum of presenting psycho-spiritual concerns: depression, bipolar clients, OCD, healing childhood trauma, recovery form destructive relationships and/or groups, processing loss and grief, sexual identity, blocks to creativity and aliveness, all kinds of relationship issues, eating disorders, lack of meaning or purpose, spiritual crisis or emergence, etc. Voice dialogue profoundly supports the life-long process of conscious evolution.

7. Voice dialogue empowers clients to be self-responsible. It gives them the skills to love, nurture and heal their wounded, traumatized inner child. As this happens, this vulnerable, sensitive, and essential part of the psyche no longer needs to reach out to get its needs met by another person. In turn, this generates relationships between equal adult partners that are more alive and spontaneous; and maintain connection, passion, and appropriate boundaries. They learn to love each other without losing themselves.

8. Voice dialogue is a fascinating, unpredictable, engaging process for both facilitator and client. As a counselor and coach my days are filled with intensely meaningful, enlivening, and life-changing work with my clients. I can honestly say I have never been bored, ever. My practice expanded tremendously as I incorporated voice dialogue into the mix. Word of mouth spread quickly as clients reported their successes.

Solution-focused therapy is a new type of therapy to many people, including psychology professionals. It is considered a form of brief therapy, much like cognitive behavioral therapy, though it doesn’t necessarily have to be practiced in the short term. I consider these kinds of therapies to be “strength-based” as opposed to “insight-oriented.”

What are some benefits of choosing a strength-based therapy?

1. Focusing on your strengths always produces the best return on your investment. It’s true that most clients don’t come to therapy wanting to improve something they are already good at. However, a solution-focused therapist will work hard to identify the client’s strengths in order to help the client use these strengths in areas where they do want to improve.

Imagine your life as a pie chart, with each slice of pie a different size. At any given time, some section of the pie is going to be off or not functioning at its best. That’s normal; we have a lot of pie on our plate! A client who is problem-focused is looking only at this once slice of the pie. A solution-focused therapist is going to help the client fix that slice by balancing strengths that are part of the rest of the pie.

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For example, a couple might come to therapy complaining generally of having “communication issues,” but upon further questions from a solution-focused therapist, it might turn out that these issues only arise during a specific topic, or under certain circumstances. The couple might have excellent communication skills and just have not figured out how to apply them to their problem area.

2. People are always trying to right themselves. While you might know a constant complainer who you secretly think does a pretty good job at self-sabotaging, remember that they don’t see their life this way. A solution-focused therapist doesn’t, either. When a client and therapist can tap into the right system to solve problems, the client’s constant efforts to right themselves will eventually work. A solution-focused therapist works hard to believe the best in the client and to act as a coach and facilitator toward the client’s goals.

3. Thoughts are our best predictors of happiness. Why does research show cognitive therapy to be as effective as some medication for mental issues? Because we know that there is a direct link between the thoughts you think and the feelings you feel. When practiced over time, healthy and productive thoughts produce effective long-term results.

If a client has negative ideas about himself, his future, or the world around him, then he is likely to be depressed. Instead of dwelling in these negative thoughts, a solution-focused therapist is interested in learning about when these thoughts are not present. Is there any part of the day when the client is not experiencing the problem that has brought them to therapy? Why is this?

Solution-focused therapy focuses on the present and the future. It is concerned with today’s problems and tomorrow’s concerns. The kind of therapy I do is also nonpathologizing therapy. This means that I don’t view my clients as being deficient or sick in some way. I don’t diagnose clients (unless insurance requires it) and I don’t let them diagnose themselves, either.

It’s not that insight-oriented therapy is the opposite, but it is more interested in one’s past, one’s history of repetitive patterns and relationships, and gives much more weight to subconscious drives, behaviors, and issues.

While both therapies have their places in the world of mental health, my experience has found strength-based therapy to be more effective for the type of clients that I see. My clients are not interested in making therapy a hobby that lasts for years and years. In the coming months, I’ll be writing about how solution-focused therapy is used to help a variety of couples issues and common issues such as anxiety and depression. I welcome your comments!

was created by John C. Pierrakos in the 1970s. Pierrakos was a student of Wilhelm Reich and worked closely with Alexander Lowen. After jointly creating Bioenergetics, Pierrakos split with Lowen to create his own unique way of working with his patients. Influenced by the work of Carl Jung and his wife, Eva Pierrakos, CE evolved to include not only the roots or Reichian theory, but also an eclectic mix of energy psychology and consciousness theory.

There are three primary tenets to Core Energetics. The first is that humans are inherently psychosomatic beings; the body and the mind of the individual are inseparable. Second is that the ability to heal what is necessary to heal, comes from within. Unlike traditional allopathic medicine, where a person relies on the healing of the physician or medication, in Core Energetics the belief is that what is required to heal is already present in the person. Third is that “all of existence forms a unity that moves toward creative evolution, both of the whole and of the countless components” (Pierrakos).

In CE, healthy functioning is characterized by a balanced flow of energy through the five fundamental levels of being: the body, emotions, mind, will, and spirit. This energy is similar to the chi of traditional Chinese medicine, the Indian prana energy, and Reichian orgone energy. In fact, Pierrakos was the first Western scientist to bring together energy, spirituality, physics, and psychiatry (Chubbuck).

When energy flows evenly and unobstructed, there is health and optimal functioning. When the energy is weak, or blocked, health is lacking. Such deficiencies can be seen in areas of the body where there is too much or too little energy. Affecting not only the body, energy dysfunctions can also impact psychological functioning, and result in character structure types found in the work of Reich and Lowen (schizoid, oral, masochistic, psychopathic, and rigid).

One of the most basic principles in CE is that every person has a unique and predictable ability to love, grow and evolve to limitless potential. These abilities form the life force, or primal energy, found in each of us. The capacity of the individual to be in touch with and to allow this energy to flourish is what determines one’s level of health or suffering. It is through the body, mind and spirit that this energy flow can be observed, and is ultimately accessed in therapy (Chubbuck, 1999).

Another integral concept to CE is the belief that we are made up of layers of energy. At the core is our life force, the energy of life that moves, evolves and creates. As already mentioned, when we are aware of and allow this energy to flow, we are in balance and find health. Surrounding the core is the lower self, formed when we are unable to express negative and/or painful emotions. This defensive layer, the shadow self, serves to protect us from the potential consequences of authentic emotional expression. This layer of unexpressed emotional energy becomes fixed, and hardened and literally shapes our physical structure (Chubbuck, 1999).

CE interventions focus on working with energy blocks and deficiencies in the body via physical exercises and breathing techniques. The goals of such interventions include increasing or decreasing energy in various parts of the body, grounding energy, and clearing blocked energy. Interventions include hitting pillows, kicking, and role play.

CE also uses specific equipment to work with the body. The roller, for example, is a tool that is used to work directly on the body. Basically, a large and thick rolling pin, it is used to smooth out muscles on the feet, torso, and large muscles of the legs.

Touch and massage, both by the therapist and by the individual, are used extensively in CE, again to work with the body and energy. Locations throughout the body common to blockages, including the eyes, the jaw and the diaphragm, are often the focus of this bodywork.

There are four primary stages in CE. The first, penetrating the mask, focuses on increasing the person’s awareness of their own character structure, and defensive armoring. This is done using extensive physical exercise, which serves to increase a somatic awareness of the self and begin, releasing authentic emotionality. “The therapist helps the patient to move from the conscious into the unconscious, and ultimately to reach the core of his being” (Pierrakos, 1990, p. 213).

The second stage, releasing the lower self, is divided into five parts. First, much like penetrating the mask, the therapist and individual continue to increase awareness and knowledge of the “attitude of denial,” the mechanism that is the defensive structure. Second, the meaning of this attitude is uncovered. In short, how does having this specific outlook on life impact other aspects of being? Third, the intent of this attitude, how it is used and why, is uncovered. Fourth, the cause, the original wound, or the defensive reaction is revealed. And finally, work to uncover what is referred to as the mask, basically the face we have shown the world for much of our lives. This is working with the lower self. The next step is bringing the authentic self back online, then, in the context of a safe and unconditionally accepting therapeutic container, the negative and painful emotions that have been guarded and held within, are released and allowed to have expression.

Stage three is called centering in the higher self. CE “continues where other therapeutic approaches leave off, after the resolution of the dysfunctions. The third and fourth stages, then, are devoted to evolving the person’s path toward unification with all of existence” (Pierrakos). It stage three, the primary work is to increase trust in living from the authentic self.

The fourth and final stage, uncovering the life plan, is characterized by a meditation process consisting of four focuses. The first focus is on inner truth, which “helps the patient see who he or she can be and accept the effort it will take to evolve.” The second focus involves placing the truth uncovered in the first focus on the inner core, itself. The third focus is about where life is taking the person, where they are headed, and uncovering the uniqueness of the core. And finally, the fourth focus is about trusting that the world, the universe, can and will hold the evolution of this new, unique core self.

A typical CE session lasts about an hour. A person might wear tight-fitting clothing, or even a bathing suit, to allow the therapist to easily assess and intervene with the body. As already stated, early interventions serve to increase the person’s awareness of their body and their structure by increasing and working with energy. This is done with breathing exercises, postures, touch and other physical interventions. Sessions typically include intensive bodywork, movement and touch, in order to directly access and facilitate the release of held energy. It is quite common for such release to result in intense and cathartic emotional expression (Chubbuck).

One primary intervention common to CE is the use of staccato breathing. In his observation of newborns, Pierrakos noticed that while nursing, babies tend to breathe in short nasal sniffs. He hypothesized that by engaging in this primal, nurturing breathing method, one might reconnect with a lost sense of connection and love. He thus created the staccato breathing technique which served to release multiple muscular blocks as well as optimize the flow of energy through the body, balancing both active and receptive capacities (Wilner).

There are two ways energy moves through the body. Active energy occurs when we engage with something, when we act on something. It tends to flow posteriorly from bottom to top. Receptive energy, flowing anteriorly, allows us to receive love and engage spiritually. If the posterior flow is stronger, we tend to be less able to be compassionate, and feel things superficially. When the converse is true, we tend to struggle with doing, planning and completing thing (Wilner).

Common to Reichian and Bioenergetic theory, the body is divided into seven segments which include ocular, oral, throat, chest, diaphragm, abdomen, and pelvis. Staccato breathing simultaneously brings a flow of energy through all seven segments, in a figure eight pattern, crossing at the diaphragm (Wilner).

Staccato breathing is broken into three stages which include expansion (active), contraction (receptive), and pausing (relaxation). During expansion, the person lies down on their back with their knees bent. The back is arched as they close their eyes and take in five short, strong breaths through their nose. The person then holds their breath on a count of three and then exhales. During the exhalation stage, the person exhales forcefully through the mouth, as they allow their back to relax from the arching. The shoulders are raised and the tummy is tucked, as their body moves into a contracted posture. During the third phase, the body is allowed to relax for several seconds before the entire cycle is repeated (Wilner).

In conclusion, Core Energetics is a form of somatic psychology that brings together body, mind and spirit. At its core is the premise that all beings are born to give and receive love, and evolve to limitless capacity. Love, here, is life force, the core, authentic self that was covered over and protected early in our lives. Through the body-focused, cathartic interventions found in CE, the shadow, or lower self, which has restricted our movement, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, is removed. “When the core, or authentic self, is no longer overshadowed by the destructive characteristics of the mask, or lower self, love is free to nourish people and help them transform their lives (Wilner).

References:

1. Chubbuck, P. L. (1999). Core energetics. In N. Allison (Ed.), The illustrated encyclopedia of body-mind disciplines.  New York: Rosen Publishing Group.
2. Pierrakos, J. C. (1990). Core energetics: Developing the capacity to love and heal. Mendocino, CA: LifeRhythm.
3. Wilner, K. B. (1999). Core energetics: A therapy of bodily energy and consciousness. In D.J. Wiener (Ed.), Beyond talk therapy: Using movement and expressive techniques in clinical practice. Washington: American Psychological Association.