When your spouse tells you that he’s having a midlife crisis and just bought a new sports car, it probably will come as a bit of a shock. But chances are pretty good that you can get through it. However, if he confesses that he wants to quit his job and go find his true life purpose; that could be cause for alarm. Confessions in a relationship can be good for the soul, but they can also be tricky to navigate and sometimes even unnecessary. In a recent article, several relationship experts weigh in on what to do if and when your partner decides to come clean about something.
Let’s start with an easy one… your honey wants to find himself, or she wants to fulfill her passion in life. Although this is all good and well, as a couple you must discuss the ramifications of this decision. Will this impact the family income? If so, how will that deficit be compensated for? Will your partner be willing to sacrifice to get through the difficult financial period that usually accompanies a major career change? Talk about these things openly and honestly. If the desire is a deep, honest, heartfelt, and legal one, support it. This leads to another big hot topic for many couples: financial confessions. If one partner spends a large amount of money without discussing it with the other, you might get a chance to fine tune your financial relationship. First, as a team, large financial decisions should be made together. But each member of the team should also be allowed to make minor financial decisions without gaining permission from the other. One way to accomplish this is to have separate accounts for fun money and a joint account for shared expenses and big purchases.
Confessing a relationship that occurred prior to your current one could also be confusing. Experts advise being wary of a person who shares details about who they were intimate with before you. This could signify a guilty conscience or worse yet, could indicate that they still have feelings for that person. Try to find out the real reason that your partner felt compelled to confess something that could do more damage than good. The experts also advise couples to really talk about having children long before they begin their families. If both agree that children are in their future, and then one confesses later on that they don’t want children, this change of heart could run deeper than parenting alone. Leah Klungness, author and psychologist says, “Perhaps what he’s truly reconsidering is building a future with you.” Some decisions may feel permanent, like relocating or changing jobs, but actually are quite temporary. Children, on the other hand, are forever. Make sure you both are clear about which direction you want your relationship to go before you commit to major life decisions.
Blades, Nicole. The shocking truth: Relationship deal-breakers. (n.d.): n. pag. Fox News. 28 Jan. 2013. Web. 28 Jan. 2013. http://www.foxnews.com/health/2013/01/25/shocking-truth-relationship-deal-breakers/
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