It Follows: The Long-Lasting Effects of Abuse and Trauma

Thoughtful Young Woman Standing On Beach Wrapped In BlanketThe effects of abuse and/or trauma can be extremely long-lasting and may permeate every aspect of one’s life. This is especially true for individuals who experienced traumatic events in childhood that may have occurred on an ongoing basis.

A learned helplessness can lead many of these individuals to remain in the role of victim, feeling that they have no control over what happens in their lives. Part of this sense of powerlessness stems from the fact they endured abusive situations during a time when they were utterly dependent on others for their well-being. When a parental figure, caregiver, or other adult abuses a young child, the child is unable to prevent the abuse from occurring and may come to believe that he or she has no control over anything. (This same type of feeling can also occur with prisoners who depend on their captors for all of their needs.)

In addition to learned helplessness, many victims of trauma may also experience feelings of shame and guilt. Young children often believe that they are somehow to blame for their abuse, perhaps even that they may have done something to deserve it. In many cases, perpetrators may actively reinforce this message in an attempt to justify their actions. This can lead to intense feelings of shame for victims and can seriously affect their sense of self-esteem and self-worth. (Similarly, individuals who have experienced abusive relationships may feel as though they are unworthy of love and that the only partners they can attract are those who will mistreat them in some way.)

Individuals who experience abuse often internalize it; that is, the abuse may continue to be felt and compounded even when it is no longer outwardly occurring. This may take the form of negative self-talk and self-criticism or various forms of self-punishment.

Individuals who experience abuse often internalize it; that is, the abuse may continue to be felt and compounded even when it is no longer outwardly occurring. This may take the form of negative self-talk and self-criticism or various forms of self-punishment.

A majority of people I’ve worked with in my psychotherapy practice who were abused in childhood have internalized their abuser and continue to berate themselves on a regular basis. One was verbally abused by both of her parents while growing up. Even after the death of her parents many years later, she continues to put herself down with negative self-talk and harsh inner criticism. She can seemingly never do anything good enough to please or love herself, just as she was never able to figure out how to please her parents. The outer tormentors she once had have become an inner one—one even more punitive than her parents ever were.

Working through traumatic issues of this nature usually requires the assistance of an empathetic other, ideally a therapist who can help the individual become more aware of the ways in which the abuser has become internalized. This can require considerable patience and understanding, as people who experienced trauma often struggle with trust issues and unexpressed anger and rage. Their sense of betrayal can be quite strong if someone they loved and depended on caused them harm. This is especially true if the abuse occurred at a young age, when the child may have been unable to voice any painful emotions. Years later, their emotions can still feel dangerous to express.

A licensed therapist can help a person who experienced trauma or abuse to release emotions that have remained pent-up for a long time. Victims of trauma or abuse can then begin the journey to discover the self-love and other aspects of themselves that they may have left behind. This journey can be a long and arduous one, but the prospect of reconnecting with the peace and joy inherent in one’s true nature makes it all the more worthwhile.

© Copyright 2015 All rights reserved. Permission to publish granted by Wendy Salazar, MFT, Stress Topic Expert Contributor

The preceding article was solely written by the author named above. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by Questions or concerns about the preceding article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment below.

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  • Laken

    April 8th, 2015 at 10:06 AM

    You think that it would be over after the abuse ends, but for many of us this is only the beginning.

    You cannot imagine the scars and the pain that you continue to carry with you long after the emotional and physical abuse ends.

    Just because you don’t see the hurt anymore, believe me when I say that it is still there.

  • Colleen

    April 9th, 2015 at 8:19 AM

    These things start to follow you around because this is what you automatically think about yourself. That you are not worthy, that you somehow deserve the abuse that is leveled against you, and so you think less and less of yourself every time that it happens you want to get out of the situation but truthfully it typically wears you down so much that you almost feel as if you have lost the energy and the will to fight it off and to leave. So that is why I think that there are a lot of women who end up staying in those kinds of abusive situations.

  • Brave

    April 9th, 2015 at 7:06 PM

    it sucks. One night I was almost completely in tears as I was feeling like I was reliving an abusive incident. Then tonight I talked but coukdnt cry. Will I ever be able to? I’ve been
    Seeing a therapist a good one and I still can’t let go.

  • Cely

    April 10th, 2015 at 10:44 AM

    I do think that it is important to remember though that there is help out there for anyone who was a victim of abuse at one time.

    Yes, these things do tend to follow you around, but if you can find a good counselor or a therapist who will work with you on these residual issues that you carry around with you, then I promise that these are hurdles that can still be cleared.

    It may not necessarily feel like it right now, but with the help and guidance of the right person, this is something that you can get through.

  • Caroline

    April 10th, 2015 at 12:30 PM

    What type of counselling would you recommend for this? This type of self talk can become so ingrained and automatic that it can take someone else to point out that you are doing it.

  • Wendy Salazar

    April 10th, 2015 at 1:20 PM

    Hi Caroline,
    I would recommend finding a therapist who has experience working with individuals who have experienced trauma and/or abuse issues. While it’s true that negative self-talk and low self-esteem can frequently be linked to issues of this nature, an experienced therapist can help you to work through these issues and teach you to change your thought patterns to more positive ones. The website is a good place to start in order to try to find a qualified therapist in your area.
    Wishing you deep healing on your journey.
    Wendy Salazar

  • Pam

    April 11th, 2015 at 4:08 AM

    i married a guy that abused my kids and myself. The experience of feeling stuck and alone pushed me a point of hopelessness. Depression overtook my life. I did fight for my kids in a way of protecting them. I could not see everything and they experienced a life that no one should have to. My X was high functioning autistic and bipolar with anxieties and phobias. God was there for me I just was not there for me. I have two children who r grown up know with disabilities. They also have a overwhelming feelings of long suffering. My daughter experienced being bullied at school as well. She is diagnosed with autism, bipolar, mild IDD. My daughter tried to kill herself twice. I have devoted my life trying to help them overcome worthlessness. My son diagnosed with autism has the negative talk toward himself. He wanted to kill himself a few times. Those thoughts reach their minds at their low points. Theropy is a big part of our lives. God is also theropy for us all. We r now very active in church. We have a beautiful church family who has a great program for special needs people. We are surviving our abuse. It is one baby step at a time. God is our strength.


    April 13th, 2015 at 5:47 AM

    There are too many people who think that the abuse and the problems stop when you leave the situation but for many of us this is only the beginning.
    I can speak from experience and tell you that there is always fear of retribution and retaliation, so you spend a whole lot of time looking over your shoulder and wondering if your time is up.
    There is also this fear that another has such a financial stranglehold over you that there is no way you will make it on your own.
    These are very real fears that anyone in an abusive situation who has left will likely face, and it can take a very long time to get reestablished and to ever feel confident again.

  • paige

    April 14th, 2015 at 8:48 AM

    No matter what was done to me I never chose to play the role of the victim. Somehow somewhere deep inside myself I knew that I was stronger than that.

  • JuneBug

    April 15th, 2015 at 10:25 AM

    Paige I agree with you totally, except that there are still times when I feel like what happened to me is my fault (even though I know that isn’t true I still feel it) so there are those days when I let myself get sucked into feeling pretty sorry for myself.

  • tasneem

    April 15th, 2015 at 4:31 PM

    Hi am a 28 year old wife & mother of 3,in my teens was emoitionaly & physicaly abused by my mother & siblings,I started rebeling with only resulted in more abuse.
    At the age of 19 I met my husband who was 17 years my senior,at 20 I married him & moved to his mothers house,she broke & hid my things & gossiped about me with my new inlaws aloud.
    My husband never stood up for me or said anything,I also just left it I convinced myself that she couldn’t say or do anything that hasn’t been done before,then depression made an appearence!
    We got our own place & it “left”,5 years & 2 kids into the marriage & me suffering from PND he found out via facebook he has a 6 year old son.
    Somehow whilst trying to figure this out he told me if he knew about the kid he would never of married me.he tried explaining he ment it as he wouldn’t of put me through all this hurt & pain.
    Did my sums kid was made 3 weeks before we met.But the trust is gone!
    My mother & I have put things behind us & we’ve got a good healthy relationship blossoming,I’ve distanced myself from my siblings,They still seem to have the need to bully,judge & look down on me & has decided to include my spouse & kids.
    8 years into marriage & all the denial & past abuse has turned into full blown clinical depression.

  • Bren

    April 16th, 2015 at 10:58 AM

    We always fall back into the patterns that feel the most familiar to us, so if this is what you experienced growing up then it is likely then this is what you will seek out as you become ready to form your own relationships with people. It isn’t that you consciously seek this out, but deep inside for some reason you are probably thinking that this is the only thing that you deserve.

  • Jessi

    May 13th, 2015 at 9:09 PM

    This makes so much more sense to me. I was verbally and emotionally abused by my mom as a child then on top of it I had several deaths when I was 6. 6 to be exact. Irony. Then I was bullied and picked on. So, I can see a lot of this in me.

  • Debbie

    May 14th, 2015 at 3:02 AM

    I was married to a gambling drunk who physically and mentally abused me but never our daughter. Twenty plus years ago it was far more difficult to get help and support than it seems to be now so I just stuck with it for longer than I probably should have done. I divorced him nearly 13 years ago but the scars are still there – I’ve been single for 7 years now just because I can’t find it in me to trust and love someone the way I need to for a strong relationship to be formed. My daughter witnessed more than I realised over the years and now needs treatment and counselling for anxiety and depression. Thankfully she has a kind and gentle partner and a couple of young boys but we both still suffer from the effects of the abuse we endured. I deeply regret staying as long as I did because of the mental scars it has left on my gorgeous girl. I wonder if it can ever be overcome once it has been experienced?

  • Orphan Izzy

    July 6th, 2015 at 8:42 AM

    I understand that the impact of abuse on children with no defense against it is a terrible and long-lasting thing. My situation is similar in that I got sick and now disabled which creates a situation where I am unable to help myself like I wants could and that added to what Else I’m dealing with is what I want to talk about because my situation outside at the disability is something I simply cannot find A similar situation anywhere Else not who I talk to you are what I read and I believe that it’s because it’s not meant to happen as it goes against the laws of nature and society and so normally it doesn’t but I want to know if anyone else has heard of this happening and what became of the person happens to because I have been suffering alone what I think is my worst nightmare for eight years and I don’t see an end in sight and finally finally exhausting all ideas and tools I can find your come up with to help myself and I feel every time and now I’m worried that my ability to suffer has a limit that will force me to have to make a decision and I don’t want to make between a life of and was suffering that I don’t see ever ending which is intolerable and what’s behind door number two witches whatever happens next that we don’t know. It’s not that I’ve just resigned myself to this and now want to take the easy way out, I have literally fought as hard as I can to prevent it from happening and to resolve it afterwards and I just can’t help myself to matter what I do and if ever come amazing obstacles all my life and I’m a fighter. But I’ve realized that there are times in life when it’s just not right to insist that a person should want to live because sometimes life is just so terrible that does the desire to live be Happys all you feel, death is simply similar appealing option which is what I’m facing now and when I’m afraid I might have to decide because I don’t know what else to do. Part of the problem is that what’s happened to me I think is like a human being’s worst fear that we don’t expect to have happen and doesn’t normally happen and that is to be raised with love and unconditional acceptance and support by people who made you believe with all that you have in that love and the security of the family they created for you and every action they took and everything they did just proved that I was so very lucky to have wound up with parents I was raised by Ed’s so grateful that I had their unconditional love and acceptance because it gave me a security and sense of comfort that I would never be alone or struggle anymore than they could help if they could help and they sacrificed and invested in me and it wasn’t easy because I was a very troubled child and they were there all the way through everything to see me come out far more accomplished than we ever imagined. My worldview and my way of life is based on the foundation they gave me of the values they raised me with the love I felt was always going to be there and when I became 30 years Old approximately my sister he’s always struggled made her drug addiction a real problem by having children and after all we’ve gone through and after admiring respecting them thinking they were the most amazing people that I wanted to like me and respect me and you I wanted to be like I found that I was facing these two people who looks just like the parents who I Dourdan was devoted to but who all of a sudden had no concern for my well-being and rather than help my sister like they had always done for us and you specially me they began to blame me for the terrible things that she did on drugs and refused to allow me to seek support for the terrible abuse and cruel treatment that my sister was dishing out every chance she got an overtime The pain and mind blowing reality of watching these people that I knew so well and believed in so much turn into cruel, hurtful and irrational abusers that made every effort to paint me as the problem that was destroying this family and for every bad choice that everybody in the family made and for every bad thing that happened whether I was in the same state or the same location or not including blaming me for my mother having a heart episode which was not a heart attack but what she told everybody it was and that it was my fault so that everybody thought I was a mother killer, sorry I run on sentence, well overtime all of this caused me to just fall apart though I struggled to keep it together and the disbelief that I still feel and watching my parents literally observe me lose everything that we all worked so hard to help me achieve and show not one emotion over my suffering then I pleaded with them to see what I was going through and begged them to try something different so that I wouldn’t hurt so much and that only resulted in never calling the crisis people hoping they would take me away and institutionalize me as a punishment which didn’t happen because my brain is so sound I’m like a rock thank God might be dead. Everything about my parents was gone and replaced by people who would doing things and engaging in behaviors that my parents would never do and there’s just no way to explain it thouhh i have (denial about my sisters addiction apparently is a very strong thing). I didn’t know that what I had had nightmares about as an adopted child especially could actually happen I don’t think anybody believes that could happen because I’ve never heard of it and I didn’t know to wish it not happen to me thinking that my parents death would be the worst thing I would ever go through. I never dreamed that would loosen want a lift including the love and the security they gave me that I thought I would have to help me stay strong and feeling safe as I went through life without them and even worse my entire belief system and value system and all that I valued and felt was important apparently in certain situations could turn out to not be true and I don’t know what is what anymore and after working for 20 years very diligently to improve myself and my life not just for myself but to repay them for all they had given me and done for me and finally thinking I had made it as an adult you could hold her head up high because people newly for my good qualities and not for my problems years ago , Sorry another run on sentence, I was so grateful that my identity was one I created for myself through hard work and dedication and I was so grateful for all of the benefits that life provided me that I had earned that way Justin I think everything is going to be OK and I’ve come to the worst of it I get second lose my dependence and then this happens and I find I’m alone and depending on people who are not there unless they are there and abusing me and one lime helpless to do anything about it they are very heartlessly replacing the reputation that I spent my life building for myself with a description of a crazy person who was causing them to suffer and making them victims for which everyone should feel sorry, and there’s nothing I can do and I’m aware of my sisters lies which are vicious but due to drug use which is this explanation of sorts but my mother doing this as well I don’t most overnight taking away everything I worked for replacing it with an identity that I left behind me so long ago after which we are also happy and proud well there’s nothing hurts more and there’s no explanation it is satisfying only ones that you have to pull out of the air. I often wish that they had been horrible my whole life so that I had never known a life that no longer exists or holds true which is a shock that I can’t believe I survived and people often tell me I should just walk away but they don’t understand that I love this people still and asking me for suggesting it I even find the strength to walk away from literally my entire life on every level is unreasonable and I can’t do it now I wish I could and because my parents were’s One way for 30 years only to come fleetly change out of nowhere means that the rules that normally apply don’t in the situation and I’m not trying to change anyone into something or not but help them get back to who they really are. I don’t have the strength or the wheel anymore doubt myself and I have had to realize that and I feel helpless and I just want to know if anyone has ever heard this before because it doesn’t make sense and it’s so frightening that people can’t grasp it in order to help me especially people that are close to my parents who responds to my pain with cruelty and hate. What’s happening to me is that everything that we know about life and everything that we think we can believe in and trust to be true has been shaken and stirred and I am standing here in a world that doesn’t make sense anymore what everyone else still living in the world are used to know and no one will help me and I don’t want to die but sometimes I wonder if that’s going to be the only and best choice, and even several therapists have felt to help me because my parents have manipulated them somehow and I have nobody. I’m sure that the impact on children who are defenseless is terrible but I have to put my vote in for having your entire existence and everything you think you know about everything turned upside down and shacked & twisted so that it leaves you in disbelief after eight years and still desperate to get what you had back and to have the unconditional love and acceptance of a family that you believed in so completely betrayed you and literally treat you as if you could die and it wouldn’t make a difference is A reality so hideous and so inexplicable that I still can’t believe it’s true and often hope I’m having a nightmare I will wake up as an eight-year-old at my old home or even that I’m crazy person in a straitjacket somewhere just believing on having this life because this can’t be happening. They took my reputation they took everything about my life so that I’m just a shell of who I used to be the very sound mind and strong shell at that, they have left me an environment that I can’t keep up insisted I’m just not doing it myself because I’m lazy well I begged them to get me some help because I would want my dog living in the mess I was living in and they have the means to do that and if it was anyone else they would have done it right away but for years they left me and decrepit conditions and went home to their pristine home full of antiques and coasters for your drinks and just doesn’t make sense because they loved me so much and it was kind a love it came before their well-being and now I’m Bustin an insect that you pull the wings off of to them. I’m sure there’s some typos but I can’t deal with it and I hope you get my message but if anybody has heard of this or knows anyone please let me know because right now I’m facing a future that makes me feel like an animal backed into a corner about to have to fight for my life.

  • Wendy Salazar

    July 6th, 2015 at 11:54 AM

    To Orphan Izzy: It sounds as though you have been dealing with a very difficult situation. If you are feeling as though you are in a crisis situation at the moment, please refer to the following website: There are helpful phone numbers for several different types of crisis situations, including a suicide hotline, as well as a phone number for any type of domestic violence or abuse. I would strongly encourage you to reach out to get the help that you need. I also recommend that you find a therapist that you can trust to help you through this difficult time in your life. The Good Therapy website is a good place to start in order to find a therapist in your area.
    I hope that you are able to get the help that you need to bring some healing into your life.

  • Orphan Izzy

    July 6th, 2015 at 4:34 PM

    I appreciate you taking the time to respond to my post and you’re just offering up the same kinds of things that everybody does not realizing that the situation is so unique that nothing anyone says it’s something I haven’t already tried, no advice anyone gives me will apply to the situation which is practically and President it and defies explanation and therefore does not provide a solution that I’ve found after eight years of desperately trying, and perhaps I will try to call one of those numbers just to see if there’s anybody who cares but the reality is that while I once believed like you probably do now that’s always better to try to live and not given suicide and therefore feel you should encourage people to do just that, it turns out they’re really are situations where life is so painful and horrific and you are what you do you cannot seem to make a change including reaching out to Therapist or family members or any other drastic measure all of which I’ve done and failed to make a difference in doing and then I doubt this is true often, for me I have had to except that after living a life where my strength and perseverance helps me overcome crazy obstacles and I believed nothing could ever get me down I had to except that I can’t help myself and I may indeed have a A limit to how much suffering I can stand and if I exhaust all possibilities and truly believe that there’s no help because I’ve genuinely and tirelessly f***ed help myself that stopping for the last eight years and failed I will have to perhaps accept The truth which is despite wanting to live and be happy and willing to fight my last breath before I give up and die I may wind up having to accept that death is simply just a better option and I never thought I would ever think that but I have learned so many things about the world and life it most people never ever have to know and this is one of those things. I don’t want to die but if I can’t stop suffering and I can’t get help anywhere at all I’m not going to force myself to and your life it’s not fit for human I’m on a principle that life is supposed to be the way to go because the way to go is to not suffer and to be happy and what I’m saying is if you want to decide that that’s what’s right for me I’m not gonna colony wanted it will only happen after I have exhausted all efforts and there’s no one left a call I wish point no one has the right to suggested I should live horse criticize me your disrespect my choice when no one has a clue what true suffering is and what it really means to be alone in the world. I did call Suicide Hotline was in the girl who answered the phone was really brisk with me and short and a little bit demanding wanted to know what was up and I was put off right away and told her how she made me feel but I’m sure that’s not how they all are. I just don’t want anyone to jump to conclusions or feel inclined to send people out to help me because believe it or not I have all this incredible skills that allow me to function very well in this world which is why I have been able to survive almost total isolation and abandonment and if use for almost 8 years and still believe I’m worth help it’s worth life so if no one is willing to help my parents deal with whatever’s wrong with them then no one can help me because what I need is to have my road return so we hit was so I can feel safe again and feel confident that I can maneuver through life again. I’m really really tired of people suggesting that I walkway from literally my tire life, every layer of it every aspect of it all of which has been taken and crushed and driven out and replaced with abuse and I just can’t do that and I want my life back that I earned. I text people telling me that if I feel this way I should do that or if I could just realize this then this would happen and all kinds of advice that is very critical of how I’ve handled this nightmare is hive truly f***ed my a** off to fix a resolve as if I haven’t tried those things or is it the answers just right there if only I would just get this thing or do you that thing and I know they mean well and the advice they give is helpful in a normal situation but not here and feels critical and I’m so tired of people expecting me to do all the work and make all the changes and to respect all the boundaries when I’m the one who’s being abused. I’m tired of talking about what’s happening to me very carefully and selectively and being asked why I would do that as if I’m the abuser and someone else the victim or like talking about people who are hurting me (because I have to for some support at some point) is so terrible when the reality is this is being done to me and I should be permitted to get support deal with it however I can as long as I do it respectfully to a degree and the reality is that they’ve all talked about me to all of our friends and family that I know longer have claiming they had to do it to cope though their lies and creation of who they sell me has now is nothing like who I really am and was bound to cause me to lose the people I care about and they didn’t care. I have psychiatrist choose advice is always been to convince me to recognize their limits and to try to accept the way they are without fighting back were arguing or say anything to help myself so that I can go get my needs met rather than try to help them act like he should this world of people and reality is you can get your needs met what your needs are to have parents treat you nicely but you have to submit to abuse in order to apparently get that need met which is a** backwards advice. I’ve had several therapists 100% fail to recognize that the victim and then I parents are not thinking straight and ignore the fact that I’ve told them repeatedly that this is not have my parents were my entire life and it somethings wrong I rather expect me to do all of the work and make all the effort which doesn’t work the matter what and I did actually find a therapist on this website and put a lot of effort into telling my story and figure out how she could help me and then telling her my story and then trying to convince my parents to come and filling out the paperwork and after two weeks of all of this I told her I was disabled and I hope she could work for me so that I wouldn’t get charged for being late and we could both be happy and she refused to see me after that unless I still thought I needed help after I went through the entire process which requires exhausting retelling of traumatic experiences, putting trust and faith in somebody in order to do just that and hanging your hopes on their agreement to see you because they have heard what you said and concluded that they can help and for her to tell me that she’s sending me to someone else because she doesn’t feel she can help me but if I go through all the trauma I went through to try to work with her two more times and still feel like I need help she will then agreed to see me telling me that she doesn’t actually think she can’t help me but is actually discriminating me against me because I’m disabled we said ethical but at that point I was too tired and too hopeless to f***ing deal with it and I just never look for another therapist after that and I believe in therapy and I’ve always thought it out when I need guidance but I just can’t do it anymore because I’ve been betrayed so many times in ways I never believed could happen and I still have it in me especially when I could f***ing help them through their s*** because I’m f***ing superwoman after going through all this. The only help I need his help for my family I hope they can like work their way back to being healthy happy people that I always knew. Otherwise I have to walk away from everything I know and believe in love and I can’t do that and I don’t have the energy anyway I’m not going to spend time going to a therapist who was gonna just tell me what I already know just so they can take my money which I don’t have we don’t have to get from my dad who will be abusive and then try it refused to pay for the help I need things to his abuse and it’s just a headache I don’t need. I can barely get out of bed so I’m not gonna if I can go see a therapist once it’s probably going to result in my parents receiving support and me being considered like I’m less than human and don’t deserve happiness or advocacy you’re the basic help that everybody on earth does deserve. Anyway thanks for this page! sometimes after eight years of this and dealing with it with only my dog to talk to you in a phone that I literally can’t use because I don’t have anybody to call and learning how to cope alone I find that if I start talking about this I can’t stop I appreciate having sell it here and eventually nothing else I hope that was happening to me shines a big bright light on everyone else’s life making them all look like the beautiful things they most likely are. It would be nice to know that when I’ve gone through makes some kind of a difference in the world even if it’s just the smallest difference and only felt one person. Alright, thank you for your help.

  • Orphan Izzy

    July 6th, 2015 at 4:37 PM

    Wendy, I just looked the first line of my post that I used to respond to you and it sounds like I’m dismissing what you’re trying to do to help me and that’s not what I meant to say at all. I don’t mean to say you’re just repeating with peoples advice, I meant to say that while you mean well, your advice not going to be able to help me for the reasons hey tried to explain but came off sounding like house ungrateful or whatever. I appreciate the most insignificant kindness that people show me so please know that.

  • Orphan Izzy

    July 6th, 2015 at 5:35 PM

    So Wendy I called the national domestic violence hotline because it said if You’re experiencing what you feel like his emotional abuse to call and so I thought I would only to find out that there’s a lot of support for romantic relationships of abusive but the way that she gawked at the idea that peeps might need help with abuse in a relationship with their family of origin was just the beginning of how she minimized my situation and made me feel like what I was going through was trivial and that I should just do this easy thing that should’ve already thought of or that easy thing and of course she made sure to point out all of the different reasons why I shouldn’t expect help because apparently people who exhibit abusive behavior and unexplained and absolute personality changes that are harming people around them aren’t the ones that should be helped particularly if they don’t think they need it which is most addicts and many with a mental illness who don’t have A clue that they need help but somehow get help anyway as long as it’s not my situation, and she talked about all the supports thats there for children who can’t get away from the abuse & support there for those in demes tic abusive relationships that help people who can’t managed to get away from abuse as if there’s the only two types of people they can get into a relationship is abusive and have difficulty walking away or need help because I guess everybody else she just feel like go somewhere else and be OK. Before I had barely begun to explain how my parents were preventing my sister from ever getting help for her drug addiction and saving her from her own consequences by blaming me for everything everyone in my family does and a lot of other stuff she. Was informing me that in her opinion they’re just doing the best they can to help her implying that I probably should never of called the number and that I probably need some help as if all the terrible things high had the chance to describe my parents doing to me were understandable on that I need to learn how to cope because I had no right to expect anything better so I finally just told her I had to go because I wasn’t finding it helpful and and quite honestly after these many years of being treated like garbage it’s not happening anymore because my life is short and I’m just not going to let it be for filled with bad things as long as I can help it.
    She certainly didn’t seem to think I had a legitimate need for help or that I should even find myself in such a situation for some reason but whatever, and made me feel stupid for making the call all together. I happened to know that abusive family’s relationships is very very big issue because I’ve seen the support pages and read the Blogs and information so I didn’t walk away from that feeling stupid or like I was overreacting but I certainly recognize that as a pattern of whatever that word is that I just read today I think on this page that describes two things that don’t seem to go together like loving parents that are suddenly evil an abusibe for no apparent reason, and so I guess having had this be my life for so long the failure of that phone call is not the disappointment that it might of one’s been but this certainly just reinforces my belief that I i’m living in a reality that is not what we believe should exist while everybody else is still enjoying the life I used to know and that’s just something that is and cannot be changed, so best to just find the silver lining in the fact that my house now seems to be cursed because crazy things keep happening here that would never really happen except in my life and I should also except that even though I thought friends and family who you’ve known all your life would never abandon you and your time of need in fact can do that and a lot of other things so I can get a break from living in utter disbelief and confusion that I’ll never really satisfy so I should just except as the norm now.
    I just thought you should know what happened because it can only help you believe what I’m saying and just anyone believing anything I say is really important to me weather should be or not.Thank you for taking the time to speak to me because not many people have done that and I really do appreciate it.

  • Jackie Johnson

    July 19th, 2015 at 10:31 PM

    I really wanted to respond to this post. I come to understand that EMRD is highly recommended for people with PTSD.
    WHAT if anything do you recommend for treatment of PTSD?

  • Brianna

    July 20th, 2015 at 6:41 AM

    Pam, God is the problem not the solution. Ive seen more depressed and suicidal people that go to church.

  • Brianna

    July 20th, 2015 at 6:43 AM

    I was bullied and abused as a child. I fell in love with someone that did not return the feelings. I felt unloved and that i did not deserve the pain. It dawned on me to love others I had to learn to love myself, something that Christianity does not teach! I meditate often and i look in the mirror and tell myself i am beautiful and intelligent and i dont have to put up with abuse.

  • Lynda R

    September 22nd, 2015 at 8:57 PM

    But how do you find a good therapist that I can afford? In the SWFL area.

  • The Team

    September 23rd, 2015 at 8:20 AM

    Hi Lynda,
    Thank you for your comment! Luckily, more and more therapists are taking insurance, working on a sliding scale to meet your needs in accordance with your income level, or even doing pro-bono sessions, especially for first-time consultations. You can look on the Directory to look for a therapist near you, and send messages to therapists to inquire about these possibilities with each individual practitioners.

    Wishing you the best!
    The Team

  • Brigrtte

    September 18th, 2018 at 7:31 AM

    have abuse from my family..whn I ws 15 on up to adult hood .and by u half brother how since past away .
    since he was 14 he was arrested for domestic violence and even onto adulthood
    .he as a alchlioc
    .maybe a drug user I don’t know but he was very violent..MP dad one home he was to busy marrying other ladies so he can have a better life and left us I should say me to die… behind to die because he knew how my brother was.
    he never looked back.he was married 5678 times
    traveling over the country..dead beat.
    I have pain everyday low self esteem..and looking at what my brother and others have done to me..ptsd.trauma nightmares..and etc..
    n letting my life go to hell who wants e
    .really..need reconstructive surgery to help fix things and mental health too help me..I sure like to be happy before I die
    my sister always thinks it’s my fault.I cnt help u
    as long her life is OK.
    Zits she had some many boyfriends husbands and 2kids from 2different fathers not her husband’s..n she also has a anger problem..along with her ex convict husband ..she’s on her 3marriage with a string of boyfriends.until she finds another maybe one-day to replace her ex convict husband lol.
    but plese help me I’m desperate for help to feel n look better before my time is up in then life thnk for hearing me out..

    exbrother in laws .broken nose facial injury on my face.back shoulders bone poped put on the right side of shoulder.neck and back she my half sister is married to a ex convict .
    he calls me names abusively on the phone.I fit trust neither of them she hot me in the jaw while my mom was in a coma dying from terminal cancer in a nursing home…nurses called the police and she accusers of going it ..after she got arrested she told me she’ll get me back for it

  • The GoodTherapy Team

    September 18th, 2018 at 8:56 AM

    Dear Bridgette,

    If you would like to consult with a mental health professional, please feel free to return to our homepage,, and enter your zip code into the search field to find therapists in your area.

    Once you enter your information, you’ll be directed to a list of therapists and counselors who meet your criteria. From this list you can click to view our members’ full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information. You are also welcome to call us for assistance finding a therapist. We are in the office Monday through Friday from 8:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. Pacific Time; our phone number is 888-563-2112 ext. 1.

    Kind regards,

    The Team

  • Tmokane

    February 20th, 2019 at 9:14 AM

    I feel exactly the same way Izzy. A lot of people I knew very well are not the same people I knew them to be, they have some similarities, but some things are completely contradictory to everything they used to stand for. They would never say they believe in certain things before, but now they say it is how they think and don’t admit they used to say something different when I heard them say it for my entire life… Example: my dad starts congratulating foster kids for being lazy and complaining about cutting the grass- that they wanted to cut and asked me if they could come over and cut my lawn to earn some money… But whine so much I have to tell my parents that they behaved this way, when I am the slackest person because I don’t want to bring up issues to my parents but was forced by how over the top he acted. The kid gets no punishment and barely gets told that he was wrong for doing this at someones home… Then the kid says “they aren’t going to punish me” in front of my dad…. This man just sits there like a punk. This is not my dad. Not at all. I know my dad and he would have never let a kid say anything like that. I was choked for saying things that got misconstrued as a kid…. I was essentially hanged up against a wall held up w one hand, feet dangling for saying something that could have struck him the wrong way one day, depending on who knows what… I could say something normal and he might take it the wrong way and flip out. Idk who this new person is. But this type of thing happens so often w almost everyone. Maybe its the Invasion of the body snatchers or something lol. Idk but i know its not me, im the only one staying the same, who remembers enough to know something is very wrong. Everyone else has a crappy memory..

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