How to Enter the Winners’ Circle

It is said that “energy flows where attention goes.” At first glance, this sounds like a very simple statement; its depth is beyond the pretty words strung together. Who doesn’t want to be a winner? Whether it is being a homemaker, investment banker, a first-time father, or a motivational speaker, people do everything with an underlying motive to succeed at things, feel good, feel happy, and lead a fulfilling life. We are all drawn to different things; some of us love the outdoors and love to cook, while others love to dance and create music. We are drawn to different things, but we all work with the same source.

The level of our success, enthusiasm, and winning is directly proportional to how well-connected we are to the source. Imagine baking a fabulous cake in an oven that gives up every two minutes; now imagine it being baked in an oven that is working smoothly, without power cuts. We all know which end product will taste and look better. Winning is a little like that — it requires consistency, uniformity, and most importantly, the right formula (just like baking — flat cakes, anyone?).

So how does one enter the winners’ circle? Is it Ivy League education? It is being friends with popular/successful people? It is faking it? It is being born in a super-rich family, or is it just something you are born with? Let’s say you have all of the above. Are you still finding reasons to whine, feeling goal-less, or worse, taking advantage of these gifts and resources?

Now let’s say you don’t have any of the above. Are you just going to blame fate, family, or finances all your life instead doing something about it? Our reactions to our situations are exactly what make us winners or the opposite of that (not a fan of the L word).

Here are some easy tools, tips, and exercises to feel like, act like, and BE a winner:

1. Seize the day: For once, do not be concerned about how you are being viewed, defined, judged, perceived, or ridiculed. Nobody is thinking about you as much as you think. Even if people are devoting that much thought to you, that is their problem. So do what needs to be done, what you think you should be doing, instead of getting drowned in the opinions of other people. If you are attracting people and attitudes to the point where you feel that your space is being invaded and people are being intrusive, only you have the power to change that feeling. When you do, the external situations will flip in your favor like magic. So stop bullying yourself, criticizing yourself, and being hard on yourself, and others will stop doing it, too. Stop seeking approval and have belief in your own ideas instead of waiting for other people not to reject them.
2. Don’t be flaky: Winners are reliable, sincere, and disciplined. If they tell you they will see you at four, they will make it a point to honor their word, unless something dire comes up. Don’t say things without meaning them; don’t praise to suck up, don’t try to project something you are not, and most of all, honor your commitments — whether they are commitments made to yourself or to others. Being grounded comes with so many benefits: it lets you think with ease (choose your thoughts), define your goals, dream without fear, and attract people who are at peace with themselves. The last bit depends a lot on how you are feeling (if you are feeling fearful, angry, insecure, jealous, mean, fat) you will attract people who will confirm these feelings. Of course, sometimes you just need to protect yourself from deeply unconscious people. That is ok too, as long as you don’t fuss about it or continue to be in their company simply so that you have something to complain about.
3. Avoid conflicts and arguments: Unless you are a professional debater, by all means avoid bringing up controversial subjects and strong opinions in order to while away time at social gatherings and family dinners. These are all very personal topics and choices. Don’t comment negatively toward people or groups of people; if they are present, your pointing it out only triggers their insecurity. Follow the golden rule. And if someone does this around you, remember you are not answerable to them and that too can be conveyed without conflict by creating healthy boundaries.

Winners are too busy running on their own jogging tracks to see who is left behind or who is miles ahead. They are constantly trying to be better versions of themselves by motivating themselves, working hard, mapping out their life, and, again by attracting the right people in their winners’ circles. Remember, people can only rain on your parade if you walk in their neighborhood on a stormy day without monsoon gear.

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