How Much Screen Time Should My Child Get? A Parent’s Guide

Young girls (5-6) lying on floor using laptop,  contemplating with hand on chinThere is no greater challenge for parents today than managing their children’s use of technology. Children are using electronic devices from early ages at rates that are hard for many to comprehend. A study by Common Sense Media indicates that children under the age of 8 spend an average of two hours in front of a screen each day, whether it is a television set, a smartphone, a tablet, or a computer. Children between 8 and 18 spend an average of over six hours a day in front of a screen. Parents have limited control over what their children are exposed to, which can raise anxiety and make it hard to understand our children.

In order to help with this, I suggest that we step back and think about the risks and benefits of our children’s technology use.

Why Are Children Using Devices? The Benefits and Risks

Parents often ask me, “How much screen time should I let my child have every day?” The answer varies, depending on what it’s being used for.

Children’s use of technology can be broken down into two categories: active and inactive. Inactive screen time refers to technology use in which we have little means of expressing ourselves, such as sitting in front of a TV, where our only means of managing what we are exposed to is changing the channel or volume. Active screen time is that which allows for expression, such as social media or online gaming. This use of technology is healthier in that it allows us to connect with others, something that is developmentally important for children.

Much of middle and high school children’s social interaction these days happens in the virtual world. Banning devices means that children cannot participate in the social world of their peers. While this is no replacement for in-person contact, active technology use can be beneficial, especially for children whose lives are filled with extracurricular activities.

At the same time, there are many risks to our children using technology. Without intending it, children can come in contact with online predators or peers with bad intentions, or be exposed to content that is not age appropriate. These experiences stir up troubling feelings and are extremely difficult for parents to prevent.

To help with this, I recommend that parents think about how their children might react to inappropriate content. Are they able to recognize negative influences, and how might their behavior indicate that they’ve had a bad experience? Some children react by having nightmares or becoming more isolated. Each child has a different way of reacting, and it’s good for parents to be aware of these.

Parents can help by creating a dialogue about all the content their children come in contact with. Being available to help a child process his or her reactions to technology is almost as important as preventing negative experiences from happening. The more children sense their parents’ curiosity and openness, the more resilient they will be in coping with difficult content. Some parents find it helpful to familiarize themselves with their children’s devices, social media, and online gaming, and even sometimes participate in these activities with them. This can help parents to connect with and understand their children better.

Parents can help by creating a dialogue about all the content their children come in contact with. Being available to help a child process his or her reactions to technology is almost as important as preventing negative experiences from happening.

Parents Should Create a Plan for Technology Use Together

It is important for parents to have a discussion about how technology should be used in the family, and to create a plan for its role that reflects what each parent wants and is sensitive to the family’s values. More important than the plan itself is its clarity and how the parents feel about it, as families vary in their comfort with technology.

Begin with deciding the aspects of family life that are more important than technology, whether it is family dinners, household chores, schoolwork, or extracurricular activities. Discuss what devices are acceptable and what times of day they should be used. Consider what areas of the home devices should or should not be allowed. If parents are concerned about a child’s technology use, I recommend that devices not be allowed in the child’s bedroom. Parents should also discuss what they hope to get out of this plan, and how to evaluate whether it is working.

Once these issues have been resolved, parents should also reflect on what it was like to create the plan. Often, this process helps parents become more connected.

Discussing the Family’s Technology Plan with the Children

Once the plan is in place, it is time for implementation. Parents should introduce the plan together with their children, and should try to be as clear as possible. As with any limit-setting, it is important for parents to appear as a unified front and support one another.

Once the plan has been implemented, parents should regularly check in about how it is working. Are the results they had hoped for becoming reality? What other changes have they noticed that they did not anticipate? If the plan is not working, what is preventing this?

The Bottom Line

Despite the difficult feelings that come with all of this, parents should remember that they are in control of the devices their children use. Parents should familiarize themselves with control settings as much as possible on everything their children use. Do not give out passwords, and remember that devices and screen time can be an excellent reward for achievements at school or home.

These are all important issues for families to process nowadays. The online world has become the new playground for our children, and it is important for parents to be mindful of how this world can be used for their family’s benefit.

References:

  1. Bean, Sarah. (2015). 4 Steps to Managing Your Child’s Screen Time. Retrieved from http://empoweringparents.com/4-steps-to-managing-your-childs-screen-time.php
  2. Lewin, Tamar. (2011). Screen Time Higher Than Ever for Children. Retrieved from http://www.nytimes.com/2011/10/25/us/screen-time-higher-than-ever-for-children-study-finds.html?_r=0
  3. Rideout, V., Sapir, M., Tsang, V., and Bozdech, B. (2013). Zero to Eight, Children’s Media Use in America. Retrieved from http://commonsensemedia.org/screen-time

© Copyright 2015 GoodTherapy.org. All rights reserved. Permission to publish granted by James Wells, LCSW, therapist in New York City, New York

The preceding article was solely written by the author named above. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. Questions or concerns about the preceding article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment below.

  • 10 comments
  • Leave a Comment
  • suzie

    suzie

    June 25th, 2015 at 8:45 AM

    I do not see why this is such a big issue. I didn’t let my kids watch a ton of tv growing up, and there were times that I told them to go outside and play and I would let them know when they could come back in. If you let them watch all of the time they will never want to do anything but that, and I don’t think that that is necessarily a good thing. But there are educational things out there so it isn’t all bad.

  • Ellen

    Ellen

    June 25th, 2015 at 4:51 PM

    There have been times when we all have all used the television as a babysitter and we all feel bad about those times… but then you realize that this is the only way that you can get a little time for yourself at times so why is that always seen as bad?

  • Cara

    Cara

    June 26th, 2015 at 7:08 AM

    The more I talk to other parents the more I realize that we all think about screen time when it comes to watching TV but most of us don’t think about the time our children spend playing on our phones or tablets, or in many cases their own devices!
    This leads me to believe that we have to reevaluate this whole thought process and begin to see that our kids in all likelihood are probably spending way too much time with these screens than they are doing outdoor play or imaginative play like we did growing up.

  • stan

    stan

    June 26th, 2015 at 12:48 PM

    There can still be some validity to using the screen to learn. You can read together but you can also watch together.

  • Kristine Tye MFT

    Kristine Tye MFT

    June 26th, 2015 at 2:04 PM

    This is a great topic to open up a discussion about! Many of my child clients suffer from various forms of anxiety, and many of them have an attachment to a device that is linked to distraction from feelings… the constant flow of new information distracts from feelings… it also makes it more difficult for a child to learn coping tools for emotions, like how to tolerate them, identify them, and communicate about them. Bottom line, I don’t think devices themselves are “bad,” but they certainly are an invitation for bad habits to be developed.
    Not only that, almost every single one of the children I see frequently comment on how often their parents use devices, or are looking at their device while talking to their child. Of course I empathize, while I also hope that parents will be reminded of the importance of eye contact and spending time completely focused on their child!

  • Hank

    Hank

    June 27th, 2015 at 8:48 AM

    Yep, if our kids see us on our devices all the time then how are we to expect to be any different?

  • Kristine Tye MFT

    Kristine Tye MFT

    June 27th, 2015 at 2:57 PM

    Great point, Hank! It’s not always easy, but so important!

  • Vance

    Vance

    June 27th, 2015 at 3:34 PM

    It is a very tough line to walk. On the one hand they need to be technologically literate but at the same time are we making them socially illiterate by allowing them to spend so much time on,line? I don’t know, there are always going to be pros and cons but I can’t help but think that we are not doing right by our children by letting them always be entertained by computers and televisions.

  • Paula

    Paula

    June 28th, 2015 at 7:53 AM

    Truthfully I think that every child is ging to be different. What works for one family may not work for the next.
    The one thing that I know to be true is that we should not judge other families for what they have all decided together works for them. How could that ever be constructive.\?
    We don’t live there and we do not know the dynamics of the home. It may work just fine for them to have no television during the week or no phones on the weekends. You have to determine a s a family the moves that are always going to work for you and yours.

  • clay

    clay

    June 29th, 2015 at 11:21 AM

    Has it become wrong to just play it by ear and figure out what feels right for you and your family?

Leave a Comment

By commenting you acknowledge acceptance of GoodTherapy.org's Terms and Conditions of Use.

* Indicates required field.

GoodTherapy uses cookies to personalize content and ads to provide better services for our users and to analyze our traffic. By continuing to use this site you consent to our cookies.