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Five Ways to Bring the Spark Back to Your Relationship

man-and-woman-sitting-at-a-barThe beginning of a relationship can feel magical, with each word that your partner utters increasing your affection, admiration, and feelings of happiness and security. But somehow, as time passes, the things that once made your partner irresistible can become the things that make him or her intolerable.

There’s nothing more frustrating than feeling like the spark in your relationship is gone. But feelings of intimacy and attraction aren’t mysterious or magic. You can make the choice every day to do things that support a close, fulfilling relationship, and with a little work, you might soon feel that old flame burning again.

Do Something New

When you know everything about a person, it’s easy to feel like you have nothing to talk about and nothing new to discover. The world is a big place, though, with plenty of new activities you and your partner can do together. Taking up a new hobby can help revive some of the intrigue and excitement you felt in your early days of courtship. Snorkeling, bungee jumping, and mountain climbing, for example, will get your adrenaline pumping and help you feel closer to your partner. If you’re not a risk-taker, something as simple as a date at a new restaurant or dance lessons together can help revive the spark.


When you started your relationship, you likely touched your partner a lot, swooping in for a kiss or a hug periodically. Physical touch and flirtation can help bring back the excitement you felt in your early months together. Flirtation is exciting and creative, and taking a few moments to try to captivate your partner’s interest can help you both feel more desired.

Remember the Past

Simply talking about the most romantic moments you’ve had together can help the future feel less stale. Remind your partner of your first date, or ask what he or she was doing the night before they met you. Remembering how happy you were to have your partner can make it easier to appreciate him or her, and recalling any loneliness you felt before you met your partner can make your relationship seem much more valuable.

Focus on the Positive

When you live with someone for years, you’re going to be exposed to all of his or her annoying habits. It’s easy to turn into little more than a catalog of your partner’s faults and to spend your time constantly correcting the behaviors you loathe. When you focus on what you don’t like, though, the negative begins to eclipse the positive. Instead, compliment your partner every day, and when you’re feeling frustrated, think about all of the good things your partner does for you. Comparing your partner favorably to others may also help. When your friend gets into a fight with her husband, for example, take a few moments to think about how helpful and kind your own spouse is.

Do Something Nice

Small favors can do amazing things in a relationship. If you bring your partner flowers or leave her a sweet note, it’ll set the stage for a good mood. It also increases the likelihood that your partner will do something nice for you in return. This can begin a cycle of mutual kindness that can make even the most boring relationships seem fun and lively again. You and your partner could even turn doing something nice into a game, challenging one another to do something surprising each day.


  1. Collins, S., & Collins, O. (2013, February 4). 4 fun ways to put more spark back into your relationship. Art of Love. Retrieved from
  2. Megginson, S. (2010, October 25). 10 tips: Bring the spark back into your long-term relationship. She Knows Australia. Retrieved from
  3. Tyrell, M. (n.d.). Put the spark, fun and excitement back into your relationship. Uncommon Help. Retrieved from

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The preceding article was solely written by the author named above. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by Questions or concerns about the preceding article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment below.

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  • tanja

    July 13th, 2013 at 1:30 AM

    These are all good suggestions;however, what do you suggest if it is more than just a spark that needs relighting. What if one person discovers that, even though they still care for the other, they’re just not in love with them, that the other has always loved them more, only in relationship due to a situation in the beginning and felt it right thing to do, had grown to care, feels obligated to stay due to circumstances and support.

  • mack o

    July 13th, 2013 at 4:53 AM

    we will sit and talk about the past sometimes and it kind of makes me nostalgic for what we once had
    not that i regret the things that we have done. .
    it’s only that i kind of start thinking about what might have been and that lends itself, at least for me, a twinge of sadness
    but i do like thought about flirting for sure
    that’s something that i see that we lack, and i am not sure that there is a married couple alive who doesn’t want to feel a little flirty and spontaneous with each other from time to time
    especially after the fact that so many relationships get pretty predictable

  • healy

    July 13th, 2013 at 11:34 PM

    nothing has worked as well as little surprise notes in my marriage of over thirty years!we did not have email or text messages then and short notes left behind for each other to find really did it for could end a fight,could bring the two of us closer and could turn a boring weekend into an exciting day to be spent together.

    Id encourage all the young people out there to try definitely works and I hope you see its benefits too!

  • robert

    July 14th, 2013 at 10:23 PM

    thanks for the wonderful suggestions here.all have the potential to be saviors in a relationship.

    we’ve been dating for four years now.and if there’s something that instantly brings back normality after a tiff it is a simple date at the restaurant we first met works like magic!

    It must be due to the special place that restaurant holds for both of really well an were not complaining!

  • Cheyenne

    July 15th, 2013 at 4:26 AM

    My biggest lesson in my years of marriage has been to work on a problem before it blows up too far. Know what I mean? Don’t let things het too far gone before you start paying attention to your husband and his needs again, because by then it could be too little too late. By them he could be off looking for some comfort elsewhere, and that is bound to be a lot more difficult to overcome than a little lapse on the flirting and keeping the old spark alive. React early, employ some of these little tricks and tools and you will have a much better chance of saving that marriage.

  • reena

    September 6th, 2013 at 9:13 PM

    After we got our first child, hubby agreed to stay and work from home. Follow me for my overseas assignments. I cook, give him sex, clean the house, play with the kids. We are getting into our 11th year.. and he has becoming more unhappy by seconds.

    Abusive words, physical threats, arguments, fights. .. these scenarios are common for the past 4 years…

    I suggested for us to have a night out, only two of us… he refused. To have a drink together. .. he refused..

    I submit myself for his sexual fantasies. . All the time as I feel that anything that make him happy. . I will be spared .. I.e. we will not argue for the day… at least..

    But.. those are superficial. .. I feel no matter whatI do to please him.. at the end.. he still not happy and find fault in me…

    Am so tired in this relationship. .. getting emotionally tired and affecting my work.. but I still in this mess because of my kids. .

    My point is… whatever the tips are, it must be reciprocal act..

  • diana

    January 4th, 2014 at 7:45 AM

    I don’t understand how my man thinks because recently all he see in me is just a woman and he even calls me “mosadi” in English meaning woman it’s as if he see me as just an ordinary person who cooks and clean up his mess, he doesn’t touch me anymore nor kiss all he does he showers and leave when he gets him he eats and sleep he can even spend a day in a garage just sitting on his own

  • Ayla

    July 30th, 2014 at 11:09 AM

    I would say that partnerships should be based on mutual trust and respect. Both partners need to be willing to work on their relationship, and need to be open to new ideas and suggestions (as long as they are accrding to their moral and ethical standards). I would say that they need to do at least one nice thing for their partner per week – and it doesn’t even have to be some grand gesture, it can be as simple as giving your partner a foot massage, running a bath for them, or just giving them a hug. If you run out of ideas, Bring the Spark Back Cards might help. You can purchase them on Amazon:

  • melisa

    November 12th, 2014 at 8:03 PM

    I WANT TO use this opportunity to thank my great doctor who really made my life a pleasurable one today.This great man Dr isaac brought my husband back to me, i had three lovely kids for my husband, about four years ago i and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me for one lady. I felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he would come back to me, So,if you are in any condition like this,or you have any problem related to “bringing your ex back because this life is too short for some one to be having emotional stress. Thanks to Dr isaac for bringing back my husband,and brought great joy to my family once again.

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