The beginning of a relationship can feel magical, with each word that your partner utters increasing your affection, admiration, and feelings of happiness and security. But somehow, as time passes, the things that once made your partner irresistible can become the things that make him or her intolerable.
There’s nothing more frustrating than feeling like the spark in your relationship is gone. But feelings of intimacy and attraction aren’t mysterious or magic. You can make the choice every day to do things that support a close, fulfilling relationship, and with a little work, you might soon feel that old flame burning again.
Do Something New
When you know everything about a person, it’s easy to feel like you have nothing to talk about and nothing new to discover. The world is a big place, though, with plenty of new activities you and your partner can do together. Taking up a new hobby can help revive some of the intrigue and excitement you felt in your early days of courtship. Snorkeling, bungee jumping, and mountain climbing, for example, will get your adrenaline pumping and help you feel closer to your partner. If you’re not a risk-taker, something as simple as a date at a new restaurant or dance lessons together can help revive the spark.
Flirt
When you started your relationship, you likely touched your partner a lot, swooping in for a kiss or a hug periodically. Physical touch and flirtation can help bring back the excitement you felt in your early months together. Flirtation is exciting and creative, and taking a few moments to try to captivate your partner’s interest can help you both feel more desired.
Remember the Past
Simply talking about the most romantic moments you’ve had together can help the future feel less stale. Remind your partner of your first date, or ask what he or she was doing the night before they met you. Remembering how happy you were to have your partner can make it easier to appreciate him or her, and recalling any loneliness you felt before you met your partner can make your relationship seem much more valuable.
Focus on the Positive
When you live with someone for years, you’re going to be exposed to all of his or her annoying habits. It’s easy to turn into little more than a catalog of your partner’s faults and to spend your time constantly correcting the behaviors you loathe. When you focus on what you don’t like, though, the negative begins to eclipse the positive. Instead, compliment your partner every day, and when you’re feeling frustrated, think about all of the good things your partner does for you. Comparing your partner favorably to others may also help. When your friend gets into a fight with her husband, for example, take a few moments to think about how helpful and kind your own spouse is.
Do Something Nice
Small favors can do amazing things in a relationship. If you bring your partner flowers or leave her a sweet note, it’ll set the stage for a good mood. It also increases the likelihood that your partner will do something nice for you in return. This can begin a cycle of mutual kindness that can make even the most boring relationships seem fun and lively again. You and your partner could even turn doing something nice into a game, challenging one another to do something surprising each day.
References:
- Collins, S., & Collins, O. (2013, February 4). 4 fun ways to put more spark back into your relationship. Art of Love. Retrieved from http://artoflove.evolvingwisdom.com/4-fun-ways-to-put-more-spark-back-into-your-relationship/
- Megginson, S. (2010, October 25). 10 tips: Bring the spark back into your long-term relationship. She Knows Australia. Retrieved from http://www.sheknows.com.au/beauty-and-love/articles/819070/10-tips-to-inject-the-spark-back-into-your-long-term-relationship
- Tyrell, M. (n.d.). Put the spark, fun and excitement back into your relationship. Uncommon Help. Retrieved from http://www.uncommonhelp.me/articles/put-the-spark-fun-and-excitement-back-into-your-relationship/
The preceding article was solely written by the author named above. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. Questions or concerns about the preceding article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment below.
Keeping Your Relationship Strong When Work Schedules Conflict
The Importance of Friendship for Couples Dealing with Conflict
What to Do If Your Partner Doesn't Want to Get Married
