My Approach to Helping
I am so glad that you have found your way to this site! Whatever has brought you here, I look forward to serving you on your journey. My experience has taught me that the majority of the people who allow me to walk with them come because they are disconnected from whatever they understand to be God, from themselves, and from others, and it is in this disconnection that they are suffering. As an attachment theorist I look at how people build secure fabric with those they love, how they maintain that fabric over the life of the relationship, and when it rips (and it always does) how they repair it. I am a Certified Sexual Addictions Therapist, trained in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy as well as the Gottman Institute and the tools I have are tools that rebuild intimacy and trust when intimacy and trust have been lost. Few things damage intimacy and trust like affairs, pornography addiction or other addictions so the majority of my clients find their way to me through these paths. The good news is that when something is alive it WANTS to live and even when a relationship (which is a living thing) has been badly damaged it can thrive again with proper feeding, nurturing, attending, and care. If you find yourself in a relationship that is suffering from a lack of connection and trust, you are in the right place to get help. I look forward to serving you and those you love!
More Info About My Practice
Since the majority of my clients are couples, I do not take insurance as most insurance companies do not pay for couples counseling. My fee is $125 during the day and $150 at night. I am more than willing to write a "Super Bill" to submit to your insurance to see if they will accept me as an out of network provider and will reimburse some percentage of the fee. No matter who you choose, the process of therapy is a HUGE time, energy, and money commitment. Be sure that the person you work with is someone you can trust to get you where you need to go. If you want to connect with some of the work I've done to see if I'm the right fit you can go to my speaking site: http://www.kenspeaking.com/ and see some of my videos there. Enjoy! Please sign up to get my free bi-monthly videos that will give tools and encouragement to be the healthiest you so your relationship can be the healthiest it can be! :)
Specific Issue(s) I'm Skilled at Helping With
Oftentimes when relationships are forming, the attachment fabric that is built gets crafted seemingly effortlessly and somewhat mindlessly. So, when a situation happens that disrupts the fabric that was knit there is little skillfulness in reknitting and reclaiming the security they once felt. Trust that had been built is not gone. Think of trust as a dimmer switch ... over time and context things happen that cause the switch to gradually go up until it reaches a place where trust is fully there ... the light is fully on. In even healthy relationships things happen that cause little dips in that trust, but it can be quickly and relatively easily repaired. When, however, an event like an affair happens it is no longer a dimmer switch it is now a light switch and, FLICK, trust is gone. The person who had the affair wants to apologize and quickly flick trust back on and they struggle in the reality that it is no longer a light switch but now back to a dimmer switch that is going to take time and context to rebuild. The good news is that trust CAN be rebuilt!
How Psychotherapy Can Help
We are oftentimes limited by the family of origin tools that were our heritage when we left home. The tool set our parents were working with were deficient because their parents' tool set were deficient, and so on. So, we can run aground of what to do and how to change our patterns, our perspectives, and our tools. Submitting ourselves to a process that opens us to different tools and perspectives can be just the thing we need when we are ready, willing, and able to do the work of life change. It's okay to not know what to do! It's NOT okay, as sentient adults, to not find out what to do! We are responsible for connecting deeply with our own emotional experience, naming it, and choosing a strategy that gets our needs met. If we are disconnected from our own sense of self and are using strategies that don't work ... we can't blame others for our needs not getting met. Working with a competent, caring therapist who has done their own self work can be tremendously beneficial because they get how hard it is to do that work. Their experience of that difficulty can make them compassionate and filled with grace as they encourage you on your own path to do your own work. As Winston Churchill said, "If you're going through hell ... keep going!" If you're in a hard place, don't be satisfied to stay there! Let's do this together! Pick up that thousand pound telephone and call today.