One of the least talked-about aspects of dreaming is emotions. These strange creatures have stirred up many a restless night in the form of fear, anger, or despair. They take many shapes in our dreams: a large, poisonous snake ready to strike; a homeless woman yelling profanities; a deep chasm ready to swallow the unsuspecting. In these moments, we can flee, fight, or surrender. Each action (or inaction) has its consequence and connection with how we move through waking life.

Emotions as Guides

Emotions are not just a part us but the center of creation and what makes us human. Sitting with emotions, without judgment, can have a profound, transformative effect on the mind, body, and spirit. Emotions have the power to heal.

Recognizing our emotions is not always easy, and to name them in the body can be daunting. Often, there is a disconnection out of shame or denial. Expressing emotions, especially anger, is often too scary in the heated moments of waking life, let alone in dreams and nightmares. (“Where did THAT come from?”)

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In Spirituality and the Gentle Life, Adrian van Kaam speaks of this disconnection with our emotions so eloquently. He grew up in a community that did not tolerate anger in any way, so he feared expressing his emotions, even with people who supported him. If we can express both gentleness and anger with the people we trust, we can develop healthier ways of expressing these emotions. If we don’t have that opportunity, we can either talk with a friend or write it out. Van Kaam notes, “Once anger and aggression are out in the open, I can cope with them.” In other words, by recognizing anger and its origins, we are in a better place to work with them and develop healthier relationships.

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The Power of Identifying Emotions

I have found working with dreams can be a gentle yet powerful gateway for healing, especially when it comes to identifying and working with emotions. The label of being “too emotional” carries a stigma in this culture as being weak or “out of control,” so we often suppress feelings by intellectualizing them. Sitting with, naming, and later embodying the emotion before making judgments is a powerful map to tracking emotional patterns in waking life.

A good place to begin when working with emotions in dreams is to name them. Dream specialist and author Justina Lasley explains in her book Wake Up to Your Dreams, “Emotions are so key to dreamwork. If you want to make the greatest change in your life, go to the place of your greatest fear. Dreams help you do that.” There is often a struggle with this exercise for that reason. It’s not easy to go to those dark places. I’ll hear things like “confusion” and “frustration” as responses in a session. But with gentle coaxing and exploration, people in therapy usually get to the core of their emotions. For example, what was labeled “confusion” may actually be fear and “frustration” may really be anger.

By naming our emotions, we can feel and therefore “own” them in the body. An image can also be created and then dialogued with, which Carl Jung calls active imagination. For example, a person might feel rage in a dream that stems from the head. If the emotion arises spontaneously—say, as an image of a tiger ferociously clawing the dreamer’s skull—it can later be dialogued with. Engaging with the emotion and allowing it to speak often brings potent information for the dreamer to work with.

Dialoguing with Emotions in Dreams: A Case Study

Letting emotions arise naturally can also have a strong effect on the therapeutic relationship. John Welwood’s words in Awakening the Heart resonated with me. He writes, “Venting emotions may be necessary along the way … but what often seems to release an emotional tangle is not catharsis per se, but letting our feelings speak to us and reveal what they are asking us to look at.” In other words, it is important to sit with and embody emotions before making judgments so we can have a better understanding of their origins and what they can teach us. This statement is so enlightening in terms of suppressing feelings with thoughts and not allowing emotions to come in because we fear them.

This “holding without judgment” had a profound effect on one of my clients when we worked on her emotions using the active imagination technique, which in turn revealed a belief system she has held for years. I had asked her to name an emotion that came up for her in one of her dreams of a skinny little girl trapped in a dark cave. She was able to locate that feeling somatically in her heart and belly. My client had worked on this image before and was willing to take it a step further by dialoguing with the little girl to see what came up. What surprised us both was what the little girl called herself.

Me: “What’s your name?”

Client: “I don’t know.”

Me: “If you could give yourself a name, what would it be?”

Client, perking up: “Joy!”

I have found working with dreams can be a gentle yet powerful gateway for healing, especially when it comes to identifying and working with emotions.

After the dialogue, the client was stunned by the name the little girl had chosen. This brought up a limiting feeling the client had created for herself: she often felt guilty for feeling good or joyful. Thus, the little girl, Joy, was not being nourished or cared for but instead hiding in a dark cave. What Joy wanted was for the client to check in from time to time and to be received. Afterward, we were both moved to tears by the experience.

Engaging with the emotions and allowing them to speak yielded some incredible information for the client to work with. It was also a humbling experience in terms of removing judgment and preconceived notions as to where this needed to go and allowing the process to enfold organically.

As to actively engaging in emotions versus suppressing our judgment of them, it was not surprising to note which interventions didn’t work. One such occasion was when I already had a goal in mind before we began the dialogue with Joy. I said to my client before we even talked to her, “All she has to do is get out of the cave.” Oh, really? How presumptuous of me!

“Immerse yourself in this place, what it feels like to be this little girl. You are this little girl,” I told my client. “How scared and lonely and looking at the sun. Imagine what that would be like as this little girl. The sadness in the heart and below the belly. Skinny body. Not being nourished in this dark cave. All she has to do is walk out.”

What arose for me was the need to fix the situation by saving Joy. Let’s bring her out of the cave! So obvious! This, of course, was my ego stepping in and wanting to be the heroine by saving the girl. There was resistance, of course. By setting the preconceived goal, I had put the pressure on wanting a future outcome rather than being present to trust what comes up naturally. I could feel the anxiety in my body as we moved through this process because I was worried it would fail somehow. I later realized my role was to receive and be supportive of her journey and not try to dictate or fix it. I didn’t have to “do” anything. In fact, Joy told us herself, “I want to be honored, acknowledged, received.”

Working with emotions is invaluable for inner growth, but even more so in terms of being humble before the great work. In alchemy, emotions are like the various stages of transformation in creating the philosopher’s stone. By actively engaging in each phase/emotion, we are trusting in the process as it unfolds naturally and therefore are transformed by it.

Diane Shainberg’s “Teaching Therapists How to Be with Their Clients” is one of my favorite articles in Awakening the Heart. She touches on the profound effects of allowing the process to be the guide rather than our egos, which includes being actively engaged with our emotions: “There is a key transformation in the supervisee when he is open to observing his patient as is, letting his patient be, dropping previously held judgments of himself and the patient, loosening ideas on how the therapy should go … the being is the doing.”

When we let go of judgment, get out of the way, and trust in the process, we can heal by cherishing who we truly are. If you’re interested in exploring your dreams and using them for your own healing, contact a therapist in your area who specializes in dreamwork.

References:

1. Jung, C.G. (1973). Memories, dreams and reflections. New York, NY: Vintage Books.
2. Lasley, J. (2017). Wake up to your dreams: Transform your relationships, career, and health while you sleep. Beijing: Double Spiral Publications.
3. Van Kaam, A. (1994). Spirituality and the gentle life. Pittsburgh, PA: Epiphany Association.
4. Walsh, R., & Vaughan, F. (Eds.). (1993). Paths beyond ego: The transpersonal vision. Los Angeles, CA: Jeremy P. Tarcher/Perigee.
5. Welwood, J. (editor) (1983). Awakening the heart: East/West approaches to psychotherapy and the healing relationship. Boulder, CO: Shambhala Publications.

The dreaded nightmare. Your child wakes up in a sweat for the third night in a row, screaming, convinced there are monsters lurking, wanting to cause harm. You are left feeling helpless and concerned. The most you can do is to soothe your child and say it was just a dream.

You might wonder to yourself why the nightmares keep occurring, and more importantly, what you might be able to do about it. If your child experiences nightmares regularly, this article may be helpful.

What Causes Nightmares?

Dreams, good or bad, are not only a vital part of a child’s emotional and cognitive development, but they can also can serve as a map to your child’s inner world.

According to Bay Area child psychologist Alan Siegel, nightmares can be a clear beacon for a parent, guardian, teacher, or counselor, in terms of the psyche, especially when children are faced with stressful changes in their routine or are going through a particularly challenging time. Through childhood development research and personal case studies, Siegel found that anything from the first day of school to changing residence can lead to nightmares. More severe cases may stem from events such as divorce, accidents, or a death in the family. [fat_widget_right]

Humans go through specific stages of development, with the most dramatic occurring during childhood and adolescence. During these stages, there is much emotional, biological and mental intensity, and a great need for balance or comfort. For example, children going to school for the first time will most likely experience stress as their environment is quickly and dramatically changed. Dreams, often in the form of nightmares, may then be more likely to occur during these transitions as the child copes with the new challenges that inevitably must arise in the stages of life.

Dreaming is also a part of our need for homeostasis or balance in our lives, especially during periods of transition and stress. In the book Encountering the Monster: Pathways in Children’s Dreams, psychologist Denyse Beaudet collected over 100 dreams in an 11-week period from 15 preschoolers between the ages of 5 and 6. [amazon_affiliate]

At first the task seemed daunting in that the dreams of children are multifaceted and greatly diverse in content. Further, the dreams of children may subject to modification: for most children, the line between reality and fantasy is very fine, and their gift of imagination can easily alter dream recall.

However, by looking at a series of dreams instead of a single dream, Beaudet was able to mark the evolution in a child’s life in terms of how that child found balance to stressful situations. For example, monster themes, which were quite frequent, could be quite telling in terms of how a child deals with adversaries in dreams and in life. Is the child combative or complacent? Does the child have help or do they feel helpless and alone?

Dreaming is also a part of our need for homeostasis or balance in our lives, especially during periods of transition and stress.

In one particular case, a girl recorded a series of 11 such monster dreams where the focal point included the vehicle in which she moved through the dream. In the first dream, she is being pushed inside a baby carriage while encountering the monster. In later dreams, she rides in a car and then eventually rides a bicycle of her own volition. Although she did not yet know how to ride a bicycle in waking life, it became clear to Beaudet, through working with her dreams, that the child was gaining more control and emotional balance in her life. “From one dream to the next, the various vehicles recur…express(ing) in many ways the experience of movement and displacement in (her) psychic life.”

Beaudet’s research, mindful of dreams as psychic odysseys, proved to be quite powerful in finding correlations between dreams and childhood development by letting the dreams speak for themselves. In order to do this as Beaudet suggests, we must hold the dreams with curiosity and creativity and without judgment or fear.

Dealing with Recurring Nightmares

But what happens when nightmares occur and cannot be traced clearly to a particular event, or the parent has no idea of the significance of the event causing the nightmare?

Here are some tips that may be helpful for guiding children and their dreams:

• Do not dismiss the dream. The first and most important tool is the ability to listen without judgment. In Kate Adams’ book Unseen Worlds, she shares the importance of her research and work as a receiver of children’s dreams. Many of the children from her cases “retreated into a world of silence until a researcher with a genuine interest came along.” When we give children our attention and care by providing a safe space in which they can talk freely, this helps build trust, connection, and confidence. This is essential, because we want our children to know it is safe to come to us for help and guidance.
• Provide dream journals for children. An artist’s sketchbook with blank pages is a good choice because it evokes freedom to use the imagination. Encourage children to sketch, color, paint, collage, or illustrate their dreams. Older children may also be able to use words to describe their dreams, through poetry, prose, or myth.
• Invite children to share their dreams. A wonderful way to encourage dream sharing is to create a dream-friendly environment. Why not incorporate family dream sharing as part of your morning process? It may be easier for reluctant children to talk about their dreams if family members are discussing their own dreams, too.
• Ask open-ended questions to invite your child’s creativity. If we are open and curious, instead of putting our own beliefs and opinions on what we think our child’s dreams might mean, we show them we are receptive to their thoughts. Allow children to offer their own interpretations without asking leading questions or offering an explanation. Our children often surprise us with their wisdom and resilience.
• Offer reassurance for difficult or troubling dreams. I believe it is essential that we hold space for our children’s dreams and validate their fears. If they are distressed, our comfort and support can help them feel more at ease. Reassurance may be especially important if the disturbing dream involves great injury or death to a loved one.

John Milton writes in Paradise Regained, “The childhood shows the man as morning shows the day.” Can we not also say this about dreams? If we can unflinchingly look into our child’s dreams, are we not bearing witness to the evolution of their soul?

I say that we, as parents, counselors and teachers, cannot afford not to take this journey and use the dream maps of the psyche to guide our way. If you are unsure of how best to support a child in your life, you can find help and support from a qualified and compassionate counselor.

References:

1. Adams, K. (2010). Unseen worlds: Looking through the lens of childhood. London, UK: Jessica Kingsley Publishers.
2. Beaudet, D. (1990). Encountering the monster: Pathways in children’s dreams. New York, NY: Continuum.
3. Bulkeley, K., & Bulkeley, P. M. (2012). Children’s dreams; Understanding the most memorable dreams and nightmares of childhood. Lanham, MD: Rowman & Littlefield Publishers.
4. Bulkeley, K., & Siegel, A. (1998). Dreamcatching: Every parent’s guide to exploring and understanding children’s dreams and nightmares. New York, NY: Three Rivers Press.
5. Johnson, C. R., & Campbell,  J., Eds. (2016). (Sleep monsters and superheroes: Empowering children through creative dreamplay. Santa Barbara, CA: Praeger.
6. Mallon, B. (2002). Dream time with children: Learning to dream, dreaming to learn. London, UK: Jessica Kingsley Publishers. 

Dear GoodTherapy.org,

Sleep is supposed to be restful, right? For a few years now, my nights have been anything but. I wake up exhausted because my dreams are more tiring than being awake. They typically involve a chase of some sort, sometimes by car or boat, but usually on foot. It always feels like I’m trying to move in mud, or like there are invisible arms holding me back when I try to run, and I can never get anywhere as fast as I think I can. When I try to shout in a dream, my voice comes out muffled and restrained. Very often, water is a prominent feature in my dreams—enormous pools, open seas, or floods.

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These dreams are becoming more and more violent, too. Though I almost never die in my dreams, the situation occasionally comes close. I find myself encountering and using weapons I’ve never even touched in real life, let alone used against someone. But my dreams present scenarios in which I must fight for my life, sometimes to the death. 

I am not a violent person, and the thought of killing someone, even in my dreams, horrifies me. I do feel stressed quite a bit in life, and I imagine that’s a big factor in my dreams. But it’s not like I’m encountering life-or-death scenarios or anything. My life is not filled with violence. I have never been to war. I do not play, and never have played, violent video games. Sometimes I watch scary movies or TV shows, but even those don’t fill me with the kind of terror I experience in my dreams. 

I’m growing weary of the trauma of dodging bullets in my dream life. I’ll take any hint or suggestion for how to calm my dream state, whether it’s to eat more leafy green vegetables or stop wearing socks. —Wildest Dreams

Submit Your Own Question to a Therapist

Dear Wildest Dreams,

First of all, thank you for reaching out. I have much compassion for people experiencing nightmares, especially because our brains and bodies physiologically react as if the experience is happening in waking life. Losing sleep also affects memory, everyday responses, and overall health. The good news is nightmares are normal part of human development and are often exaggerated so we may remember them. Dream pioneer Jeremy Taylor writes, “All dreams speak a universal language and come in the service of health and wholeness. There is no such thing as a ‘bad dream’—only dreams that sometimes take a dramatically negative form in order to grab our attention.” In other words, nightmares are a healthy way for us to work through whatever life-changing event or deep internal changes we are going through so we can tend to their messages. Once we face our fears, become engaged with the emotions, and tend to the dream material, we can “transform the energy.”

Take comfort in knowing that when we remember a dream, it means we can do something about it.

Here are some thoughts on the particular themes in your dreams that might shed some light on what may be going on in your waking life. It is important to note that although humans share a “collective memory,” we are also individuals. To truly engage fully with a dream, one must be mindful of these nuances, including personal associations, experiences, and emotional content.

Take comfort in knowing that when we remember a dream, it means we can do something about it.

Chased or Attacked by Someone or Something

The “chase” dream is a common one, especially with women who feel particularly vulnerable in waking life. Often the dreamer is being chased by an ominous being (or beings), which could be anything from “the dark figure” with no recognizable features to monstrous entities such as dinosaurs or zombies. It is important to note who or what is doing the chasing, paying close attentions to the characteristics. Who are you killing? What types of weapons are you using? If it is a vampire, are you dealing with lifeless bloodsucking energy in your life? Perhaps there are parts or patterns that need “killing off” in terms of character traits/people/situations/habits in your life that are no longer working for you. 

Feeling of Paralysis or Heaviness

These types of dreams are common because there is an actual physiological paralysis that occurs naturally during the REM (rapid eye movement) stage in sleep so the dreamer does not physically act out dreams (and hurt somebody!). Sometimes this state might seep into dreams as the condition of not being able to walk, run, or move, especially when in danger. It could also be a symbol of feeling helpless or stuck in a situation in waking life. 

Water in Dreams

The big wave, pool, or flood in a dream is pretty common, and it often indicates either some emotional overwhelm in the dreamer’s waking life or “big material” coming out of the unconscious. Am I feeling overwhelmed? Am I not tending to my emotions? 

Recurring Nightmares and Emotions

You mentioned the nightmares began years ago. I would explore if there was any particular event that happened when the nightmares began. One of the main symptoms of trauma is the affliction of frequent or recurring nightmares.

In my experience as a therapist specializing in dreams, I have noticed that the more engaged a person is in the healing work, the deeper the healing that can take place. This includes getting support from a professional who is trained in working with nightmares and dream analysis.

Warm regards,

Linda

Have you ever had a dream so powerful it changed your life? You are not alone. Over the years, I have worked deeply with people and their dreams, and I’ve discovered that, in many instances, these “big dreams” will appear under the heels of life transitions, questioning of identity, and major losses such as the death of a loved one or a breakup. The dream is often of an initiatory nature where the dreamer is highly impacted and the experience life-altering.

What Is an Initiatory Theme?

If we look at the stories we grew up with, we find many motifs that point to initiation. In most myths, the protagonist is faced with a situation that completely transforms them. They may have been swallowed by a sea monster (Jonah and the Whale, Pinocchio) or sent into the underworld or underbelly of Mother Earth (Persephone, Inanna, White Buffalo Calf Woman).

Others may have been dismembered and put together again (Handless Maiden, Skeleton Woman, Osiris), struck by lightning, or visited by a guide in the shape of an animal, spirit, or ancestor (Thor, Gandalf, Thunderbird).

For others still, their rite of passage may have been an illness, animal bite, or near-death experience that evoked superpower abilities (Catwoman, Spiderman, Wolverine).

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Why Do We Have Initiatory Dreams?

These themes are the language of the psyche, and in our modern times we are sadly removed from the initiatory practices and rituals of our ancestors. It is the dream (the final frontier!) that bestows us access to “soul knowledge,” namely in the form of big dreams.

Coined by Carl Jung, these dreams evoke high emotional intensity and extraordinary power that strike a chord in the dreamer that continues to resonate throughout their life. When these dreams occur, the dreamer may transcend into a higher awareness or reality that can be directly reached in the sleeping state.

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In the book Extraordinary Dreams and How to Work with Them, Stanley Krippner, Fariba Bogzaran, and Andre Percia de Carvalho address the many variations of these dreams, including healing, precognitive, lucid, etc., and how these dreams can be spiritual awakenings or initiations that can often lead to a dramatic transformation in the dreamer.

What Are Some Types of Initiation Dreams?

The most the vital aspect of the initiation dream is its emotional impact on the dreamer. The feelings of pure joy and love, even to the point of ecstasy rarely experienced in waking life, are a definite indication.

However, this is not always the case. Initiation dreams more often evoke terror and take nightmarish forms, especially if we are asked to face our biggest fears in order to be transformed by them.

There are certain common elements to these initiation dreams, including but not limited to:

• Apocalyptic scenes
• Encounters with guides or otherworldly beings
• Animal bites (usually on the hand)
• Visitations from the deceased/ancestors
• Struck by lightning
• Engaging in a ritual/rite of passage
• Confronted or swallowed by a sea monster or creature
• Dismemberment
• Alchemical death and rebirth motifs
• Mythological/archetypal themes
• Journeys to different worlds/states of consciousness
• Lucid, hypnogogic, or out-of-body states

Many of the people I work with have a big dream either right before or at the beginning stages of therapy. This is the time when the initiate is being propelled into the mysteries of profound change, whether externally (loss of a loved one, home, or community) or internally (an inner stirring that “something is not right”).

Many of the people I work with have a big dream either right before or at the beginning stages of therapy. This is the time when the initiate is being propelled into the mysteries of profound change, whether externally (loss of a loved one, home, or community) or internally (an inner stirring that “something is not right”).

Here is one example of an initiation dream:

I am a young girl in an ancient landscape that reminds me of Persia, India, or Babylonia due to the architecture of mosaic columns, pools, and courtyards. There is a particular pool of water where women are lounging about. I dive into this water and retrieve hair adornments from the bottom of the pool for these women, which pleases them immensely. After this ritual, I look down and notice blood on my dress. I realize three of my ribs have been taken or are missing! I am suddenly filled with ecstasy, like I know this is a good omen or sign of initiation. The girl seems to “know” more than I do, but I am her. As I wander this area, there’s a shift as I try to discover the symbol, the meaning of the missing three ribs.

Working with Initiation Dreams in Therapy

One of the most difficult challenges in dreamwork is to make sense of what is being given. This is especially true for the initiation dream.

There are ways to process the material, especially after the fallout of such dreams. It can be an uncomfortable process for people, not only due to the highly charged content but also the fear of making dramatic life changes that may call for a sacrifice in the form of jobs, loved ones, identity, belief systems, and way of life.

If you are experiencing big or initiatory dreams, I highly recommend seeking a trained professional who specializes in dreams and depth work. Having a therapist to hold the container and be a guiding force to bring context as well as support for these powerful experiences in a compassionate and nonjudgmental way is vital. What makes dreamwork so effectual is that the material has an emotional impact and comes directly from the person, not an outside source.

Here are some points of entry and inquiry to consider when working therapeutically with these dreams:

• If you were bitten by an animal, it would be suggested to engage with the animal’s energy and habits. What animal gifts can be integrated into your life?
• If you dream of death and resurrection, what part can shift in your life to make room for a new birth and way of being?
• In apocalyptic and alchemical motifs, the elements are keys to understanding what’s being asked. Is it fire, water, tornado, earthquake? The element can shed light on the nature of the call and the type of transformation taking place.
• If you have a visit from a guide or deceased loved one, what messages are being told to you? In what form?

The most important thing to remember is change is a part of life. If we can engage in the dreaming process in a conscious way, we not only live more authentic lives but can make healthier, more mindful choices.

In Part II, I will focus on the dreams of the bereaved and how they can bring healing in the face of grief.

References:

1. Campbell, J. (1976). The Hero with a Thousand Faces, Bollingen Series 17. Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press.
2. Eliade, M. (1958). Rites and Symbols of Initiation (Birth and Rebirth), trans. W. Trask. London, England: Harvill Press.
3. Jung, C. (1963). Memories, Dreams, Reflections. London, England: Collins and Routledge.
4. Krippner, S., Bogzaran, F., & Percia de Carvalho, A. (2002). Extraordinary Dreams and How to Work with Them. Albany, NY: State University of New York Press.
5. Murdock, M. (1990). The Heroine’s Journey. Boston, MA: Shambhala Publications.
6. Pinkola-Estes, C. (1992). Women Who Run with the Wolves. New York, NY: Ballantine Books.
7. Sparrow, G. S. (n.d.). The Dream as a Path of Initiation. Edgar Cayce’s ARE, Virginia Beach, VA.

We all have many wounds. Broken hearts, shattered dreams, abuse, and trauma all leave battle scars that may not be outwardly apparent to others, but can cause a lifetime or even generations of experiencing the same issues, as patterns are often repeated and handed down as part of the family legacy.

The pain sustained throughout the years frequently leads us to develop defensive shields that serve to protect our vulnerable hearts from being wounded once again. And yet, this outer armor ends up not only closing us off from others, but also ultimately from the beauty and wonder of our own souls.

As a psychotherapist working from a depth perspective, I have been fascinated and privileged to have been able to witness the soul at work every day in my interactions with clients, as well as out in the world. The soul always strives to attain a state of wholeness or unity and seeks to reestablish harmony when an imbalance exists.

For example, I have frequently noticed that individuals with deep inner wounds often spend a lot of time engaged in outer pursuits in order to avoid looking within and facing the discomfort that they feel, yet at the same time they often experience a deep yearning for something more meaningful in their lives. If the gap between their inner and outer state becomes too painful to bear, they may finally feel compelled to explore their inner world through some type of creative endeavor, spiritual practice, or by entering into an empathic therapeutic relationship. This type of inner work can lead to an inner transformation that creates a more balanced perspective.

One of our fundamental needs as human beings is to be deeply heard and understood. When we experience pain in silence, we tend to feel cut off and separated from others and unable to enter into satisfying relationships. Unfortunately, as we grow up, we are taught that certain aspects of ourselves are unacceptable and unlovable, which in turn leads us to feel different from others.

We therefore start to reject those traits and identify only with the characteristics that are deemed pleasing to others in order to try to fit in. But deep down, we are aware of this inner conflict that is going on between our outer persona and our inner authentic being, which can lead us to feel unworthy of love and disconnected from ourselves and from others. In order to heal, we often require the presence of an empathic other to help us to examine more closely the inner dynamic that has been occurring.

Soul work involves shining a light inward in order to begin to integrate more and more aspects of our being that we have learned to repress. Individuals who have gone through trauma or abuse especially can end up with deep scars that lead to feelings of unworthiness, low self-esteem, and fear of true intimacy. They frequently learn to hide their true nature behind a false self as an adaptive measure designed to protect them from the trauma or abuse that they have suffered.

In so doing, they inhibit all of the characteristics that they believed to be unlovable or unwanted, but that actually make up a vital part of their essence. By turning their gaze inward, however, and exploring the aspects that they had originally rejected—often because they were deemed unacceptable or shameful—they can reconnect with their ability to love on a deep level and become more compassionate and understanding of others, as well as of themselves.

The Apaches have a legend that exemplifies this inner soul work. They believe that our spirits are born with us in the form of raw diamonds and that our goal in life is to obtain as many facets or cuts on our spiritual diamonds as possible. Each facet polishes the diamond and makes it shine a little more.

A new cut is formed every time we are faced with a problem or difficulty in our life and we use the opportunity to try to learn something new about ourselves. All of the struggles and suffering that we are faced with therefore become occasions for us to grow and fulfill our purpose for living. At death, the Apaches believe that our diamond spirit is returned to the Eye of God, to shine within the heavens for all of eternity. Each facet becomes another sparkle in the Eye of God.

In the same manner, I believe that turning our attention inward and doing our own soul work is our true purpose in life, which can lead us to experience a greater sense of wholeness and unity. By starting to look at the deeper patterns at work in the soul and how these are played out in our lives and in the world, we can begin to see our interconnectedness with all beings and things.

Each individual soul has a particular path to follow that intertwines with all of the others around it. By working to become more conscious of our own particular role and purpose in the world and how we relate to others, we can begin to heal from our sense of isolation as separate beings and come to feel that we are all truly connected on a deep soul level.