Category: Forgiveness
The Good Therapy Blog
October 18th, 2011 |
Forgiveness is often misunderstood. I recall asking a colleague to forgive me for my unskillfulness in handling a situation that affected him. I had made an important decision without consulting him. I was truly sorry. His response to my request for forgiveness, however, surprised me: "If I forgive you, it will be as if it never happened. And it did happen so forgiveness wouldn't be right." Forgiveness, in fact, is a very deep feeling of reverence for life and willingness to somehow let go of past hurt. It does not require forgetting or condoning or even reconciling, as my colleague imagined... Read More
September 27th, 2011 |
I can’t tell you how many times I have heard this from couples during a session. Something big happens between them (for instance, one person cheated on the other), and the offending party apologizes; however, the difficulty continues, and the person who said they were sorry wonders why that is. The person who got hurt wants to feel better. The person who has apologized becomes exasperated because he or she feels they have done everything they can. “I said I was sorry. What else do you want from me?”
Unfortunately, this is frustrating for both people. Each person wants to feel better,... Read More
September 22nd, 2011 |
:
People who struggle with alcohol use problems often experience a range of emotions relating to their alcohol use, including anger, frustration, shame, and most importantly guilt. A new study, conducted by Jon R. Webb of East Tennessee State University and Elizabeth A.R. Robinson and Kirk J. Brower of the University of Michigan, suggests that forgiving oneself helps decrease relapse for people with alcohol problems. “Forgiveness is not a denial of justifiable or legitimate negative responses to... Read More
© Copyright 2011 by http://www.GoodTherapy.org Therapist Seattle Bureau - All Rights Reserved.
September 22nd, 2011 |
Forgiveness is a word which can evoke conflicting thoughts and feeling. Images of turning the other cheek can arise in ways that keep you stuck in hurtful or even abusive situations, which in turn reinforce your experience of powerlessness and victimization. In light of this, I want to first address what forgiveness does and does not mean.
FORGIVENESS IS:
For your own healing (and not about the offender)
Reclaiming your power
Gaining peace of mind
A choice you can make
Good for your physical and mental health
FORGIVENESS IS NOT:
Condoning or excusing hurtful behavior
Denying... Read More
July 20th, 2011 |
“Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.”
-James Baldwin
In families exist beliefs, expectations, and habits that go almost unnoticed, nearly invisible forces that stir thought, emotion, and behavior into patterns. A sputtering flow of anxiety is felt to a greater or lesser degree that sets in motion our styles of handling stress.
This sort of chronic anxiety is passed along from generation... Read More
March 31st, 2011 |
My 85 year old father had a stroke recently. He is a survivor of the Holocaust, as was my mother of blessed memory. My father has survived once again.
My parents withstood emotional and physical abuse to its extreme and while they loved me with all their heart, one of the by products of their own torture included emotional and verbal abuse towards people they loved, including me. Several years ago when I was visiting the Holocaust Museum in Washington D.C., I stood in front of a ceiling to floor photograph of a survivor in a tattooed black and white striped prisoner uniform.. This man bore an... Read More
March 11th, 2011 |
Full permission has been given by the client to tell this story on GoodTherapy.org. All identifying information has been changed.
The client ‘Jimmy’ that I described in the previous blog, who created a video project in art psychotherapy, has completed his video. He decided sometime ago that he wanted to upload it to YouTube. His intention was to come out from hiding his story and to possibly help others who are struggling with their own past experiences. His decision was an opportunity to discuss in therapy the possible... Read More
March 7th, 2011 |
This article will make it all sound so easy. And, practically speaking, it is. The act of making requests is an extremely straightforward process. Similar to the choice to forgive someone, offering a sincere request can immediately and radically alter the landscape of your long held grievances. Suddenly with a courageous wave of your hand, the chances of getting what you want from others can be tipped in your favor. It takes practice. But it's not rocket science. There are four recommended steps to follow – described a few paragraphs down. (Go ahead and glance at them but then come back.)
The... Read More
February 6th, 2011 |
It is devastating for a partner to find out that the person they love is battling sex addiction by losing themselves in pornography or, even worse, engaging in multiple affairs. The partner is questioning whether they even want to be in the relationship, let alone rebuild trust. However, if both are willing to do the hard work by taking a look at what each individual needs to labor through and agree to a transparent and consistent plan, trust can be rebuilt and eventually restored.
So what does it take to make restoring trust possible? Here are a few important factors that can help the couple... Read More
January 18th, 2011 |
As the final part of this series, we will look at skills that are likely to make communication with your partner more successful. An important point to remember is that the goal of effective communication should be mutual understanding and finding a solution that works for both people (i.e., compromise), rather than “winning” or “being right.” Every time you win or you’re right, then, by definition, your partner loses or is wrong. Not exactly a recipe for a successful relationship. Other points to keep in mind when trying to communicate successfully:
1. Eliminate distractions: ... Read More
December 20th, 2010 |
By Marta Rocha, MHCI
Click here to contact Marta and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile
The holiday season is here. You see people decorating their houses, wrapping gifts and placing them under the Christmas the tree and you feel the warmth and the joy of having your family and friends close to you. The magic of the holidays bring people together and we look forward to this celebration all year long. However, for some of us, this season... Read More
© Copyright 2010 by http://www.GoodTherapy.org Therapist New York Bureau - All Rights Reserved.
November 15th, 2010 |
It is a devastating event to discover a partner's betrayal; it strikes at the heart of many aspects of our identity. The betrayed partner may doubt their own attractiveness or their ability to judge people, and can raise questions about the fundamental goodness of the world.
Our relationships are built upon the idea that we can trust those who we care about the most to behave in a consistent, reliable manner. When this belief is shattered, our emotions and common sense dissolve and reframe our reality. It feels like all that we have trusted in may not be as it appears. How do we navigate... Read More
November 8th, 2010 |
Oh no – another couple you know is getting a divorce. Do you think it’s contagious? Are you worried that break-ups are like a virus you could catch?
It’s true - if you already have some little doubts inside you, someone else’s break-up could wake them up. And who doesn’t have doubts? After the romance fades, it’s natural to have some dissatisfaction brewing somewhere inside you. Don’t worry – there is an antidote. In fact, your doubts can be an opportunity for you to keep your own marriage choice alive and vital. Over time, your original clear, committed choice to be with your... Read More
August 31st, 2010 |
Anger and hate consumed Sebastian
Anger that his marriage hadn’t worked out the way he hoped washed over Sebastian from the minute he woke up. He was angry with his selfish wife. He was angry that she didn’t seem to want to help their son with his homework or encourage him in sports. Sebastian was angry that he had to take care of everything at home while Loretta showed little concern for the family.
Anger became stronger when Sebastian compared work to home life
Teaching music to kids at school was his only escape. The lack of joint rhythms in his marriage was countered by the magical... Read More
