I had an eye-opening insight during a recent training class. We were talking about the #MeToo movement and trauma that carries forward from one generation to the next. It suddenly struck me that sexual abuse and violence against women was a trauma all women bear. When I shared my newfound wisdom, many of the women in the class nodded and said something like, “No, duh!”

I could have felt embarrassed because I hadn’t understood the depth of the #MeToo movement and the impact that sexual assault has on women as a group. Instead, I felt even more connected to the women in the room. If we haven’t been abused ourselves, chances are we know someone who has. If that person is our mother, our grandmother, or our great-grandmother, we may hold the impact of that trauma in our own bodies.

How Common Is Abuse of Women?

According to the World Health Organization (WHO), 35% of women around the world have been physically or sexually abused at some point in their life. Risk factors include low income, less education, fewer job opportunities, and living in communities that value men more than women.

If you are a woman of color, your odds of being abused go up. According to the Department of Justice (DOJ), black women are 35% more likely than white women to experience violence at the hands of an intimate partner.

The WHO and DOJ studies don’t include emotional abuse or childhood emotional neglect, so I have to assume the problem is worse than the statistics show.

What Is Intergenerational Trauma?

How can abuse that happened to someone else affect us? Studies have shown that when you have a traumatic experience, it can alter your body chemistry and even change your genes. As a result, the stress from traumatic events or being sexually assaulted or abused can be passed down from one generation to the next.How can abuse that happened to someone else affect us? Studies have shown that when you have a traumatic experience, it can alter your body chemistry and even change your genes.

Rachel Yehuda, PhD, director of the Traumatic Stress Studies Division at the Mount Sinai School of Medicine, studied the impact of stress on people who survived the Holocaust and 9/11. As part of her study, she looked at whether the survivors passed the stress down to their children. When the environment turns a gene on or off, it is called an epigenetic change. Dr. Yehuda found survivors of both 9/11 and the Holocaust passed these changes on to their children.

These traumatic events didn’t just affect the survivors. Dr. Yehuda found that trauma actually changed their children’s genes. The children of survivors showed the same biological and emotional effects of stress from the trauma. They had lower levels of the hormone cortisol, which helps the body manage stress. As a result, they were more likely to have posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and anxiety. The children’s bodies were affected by trauma even though they didn’t directly experience the traumatic event.

The Impact of Violence Against Women Across Generations

Today, women continue to be the victims of sexual and physical violence. In the United States, we live in a male-dominated society where women often have less power. Having less power can increase one’s risk of being abused.

Recent headlines about Harvey Weinstein, Bill Cosby, and other famous men who have been charged or convicted of sexual abuse are only part of the story. It’s not just high-profile cases or ultra-powerful men. One in four women is sexually harassed or assaulted in the military. They are raped on college campuses—23% of female undergraduates report being raped. One in four women in the United States is severely abused by an intimate partner. According to a new study, 81% of women reported they were sexually harassed on the job.

Women who feel helpless in the face of abuse pass that trauma and stress down to future generations.

In this country, women of color have even less power than white women do. Because women of color are a minority, they are often more vulnerable to abuse. Over the course of history, many generations of women of color have lived through sexual bullying, assault, and abuse. Even today, they may be ignored if they choose to say “no” or report the abuse. Women who feel helpless in the face of abuse pass that trauma and stress down to future generations.

Healing and Reason for Hope

The good news, as Dr. Yehuda explains, is that inherited changes work both ways. When we learn how to soothe and manage the symptoms and stress of trauma, we pass that healing down. Even if we’ve experienced trauma, we can create change when we learn how to self-soothe. And our children may be stronger for it.

That being said, self-soothing doesn’t come easily to everyone. It’s hard to manage stress if your body is sounding an alarm even when there’s no danger. This overactive stress response happens for some people who have experienced trauma. We now know it can also occur if your parent was traumatized. Trauma therapy can help you learn how to manage emotions and work through trauma in a safe, supportive environment. You learn tactics that teach your body to return to its ideal level of arousal. When your body learns it’s not constantly under attack, you begin to feel less stressed. If you feel you could benefit from trauma therapy, start your search for a therapist here.

Self-soothing strategies go a long way toward helping you manage the stress that comes with trauma. Learning to self-soothe could also help future generations by supporting genetic changes that make it easier to thrive. But if racism, bigotry, and violence against women and minorities continues, the trauma will also continue to affect victims, survivors, and their children. If we don’t make and create change, the legacy of trauma will continue for future generations of women. It’s time for all of us to do things differently.

References:

1. Campus sexual violence: Statistics. (n.d.) RAINN. Retrieved from https://www.rainn.org/statistics/campus-sexual-violence
2. Chatterjee, R. (2018, February 21). A new survey finds 81 percent of women have experienced sexual harassment. NPR. Retrieved from https://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2018/02/21/587671849/a-new-survey-finds-eighty-percent-of-women-have-experienced-sexual-harassment
3. Military sexual assault fact sheet. (n.d.) Protect Our Defenders. Retrieved from https://www.protectourdefenders.com/factsheet
4. Rodriguez, T. (2015, March 1). Descendants of holocaust survivors have altered stress hormones. Retrieved from https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/descendants-of-holocaust-survivors-have-altered-stress-hormones
5. Statistics. (n.d.). National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. Retrieved from https://ncadv.org/statistics
6. Tippett, K. (2015, July 30). How trauma and resilience cross generations. Retrieved from https://onbeing.org/programs/rachel-yehuda-how-trauma-and-resilience-cross-generations
7. Violence against women. (2017, November 29). World Health Organization. Retrieved from http://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/violence-against-women
8. Women of color network facts & stats: Domestic violence in communities of color. (2006). Retrieved from https://www.doj.state.or.us/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/women_of_color_network_facts_domestic_violence_2006.pdf

There may be many emotions to sort through after experiencing sexual trauma. These emotions are typically painful, so it is natural to want to avoid them. The problem is, these emotions don’t tend to go away—they fester until you allow the time and space to work through them.

A common cycle of emotions after surviving sexual trauma is: (1) guilt and shame, (2) blame and anger, (3) grieving/mourning, and (4) fear and anxiety. This cycle by no means captures everyone’s experience after a trauma but is a general outline of common reactions. Let’s consider them in more depth.

1. Guilt and Shame

There can be a lot of secrecy surrounding sexual trauma. Victims who come forward are often made to feel like they did something wrong. Some are advised to keep their experience quiet. People often blame the victim by outlining things they “should” or “should not” have done.

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Survivors of sexual trauma may internalize these messages and feel guilt and shame. They may replay in their minds the things they could have done to prevent or escape the trauma, even if they couldn’t have done anything differently. They may feel guilty for having not stopped the abuse and ashamed for having been a victim of it.

Learning to challenge these messages is one of the first hurdles of trauma treatment. Treatment at this stage focuses on self-compassion, understanding, and most importantly: accepting that sexual trauma is never the victim’s fault.

2. Blame and Anger

Along with guilt and shame come blame and anger. Many times, survivors of sexual trauma will blame themselves for what happened and will direct anger at themselves. They beat themselves up with critical, hurtful, and mean thoughts and comments. Some may even engage in self-harming behaviors such as cutting as a coping strategy.

A goal at this stage of treatment is to separate responsibility from blame. Again, no matter what happened, it is never a person’s intention to get abused! Treatment focuses on challenging the blame; challenging the hurtful, critical thoughts; and learning to look at things from a new perspective and generate healthier, more adaptive thoughts. The blame and anger then shift to the perpetrator, as it should.

Unfortunately, many people become stuck at this stage, fuming in anger and unable to move forward. Anger can make us feel more in control. When we are angry, people listen, do what we say, or leave us alone. There is power in anger that makes it hard to let go of. There can also be a fear that if one lets go of the anger, it means it was okay that the trauma happened (of course, it’s not!).

Over time, chronic anger can lead to isolation, loneliness, and depression. Treatment focuses on validating the anger, understanding why it’s there, recognizing anger as a protective warning sign, and learning to manage it before it escalates into verbal or physical aggression.

3. Grieving/Mourning

Grieving can help a survivor of sexual trauma to get unstuck and begin to move forward. There may be many things to grieve: loss of innocence; loss of childhood; loss of feeling safe; grief over mistrusting others and always feeling like something is “too good to be true”; grief over loss of time (for school, relationships, jobs, or time spent self-medicating and in depression); and grief over “what could have been.” Grief can make us feel helpless, powerless, vulnerable, and weak.

It is natural to want to fast-forward through grief or, better yet, stuff it. Unfortunately, there are no shortcuts through grieving.

It is natural to want to fast-forward through grief or, better yet, stuff it. Unfortunately, there are no shortcuts through grieving. The more you try to avoid it, the more out-of-control your emotions may feel. You may begin to fear crying or “losing it” when something triggers you. A common complaint is “overreacting” to small things. But remember, your body is not just reacting to the most recent “small thing”; it is also reacting to all the stressful events you experienced and stuffed away.

Unpacking, unstuffing, and letting it all out is part of the grieving process. It is especially important that you set up a support system and a regular schedule of self-care activities. Treatment at this stage focuses on helping you establish the space, time, support to grieve and mourn. Treatment also helps you learn how to manage intense emotions so you are the one in control, not the emotions.

4. Fear and Anxiety

After working through the guilt, shame, blame, and anger, and taking time to grieve and mourn, many survivors of sexual trauma are left with a feeling of emptiness. All those emotions that were stuffed away used to take up that space. Now that they are gone, many ask, “Now what?”

This phase of treatment focuses on building a life worth living. It is important to fill that hole with new relationships, activities, goals, and emotions, as staying in that empty place can put you at risk for becoming depressed and isolated. This process may bring a new set of challenges, as people—regardless of whether they have experienced trauma—generally hesitate to step out of their comfort zones to try something new.

Trying to build a new life tends to raise many fears and anxieties. Fears that your efforts won’t work, that others will reject you, that your most critical thoughts were true. Anxiety about going to new places, being out in crowds, starting relationships, and trying unfamiliar things.

Treatment at this stage attempts to help survivors of sexual trauma learn how to face their fears; to set healthy boundaries; to problem-solve and work toward specific and measurable goals; and to manage the natural anxieties that come with trying new approaches.

Conclusion

There is hope after sexual trauma. Recovery is possible. It takes a lot of courage to reach out for support, but it is the first step in learning to trust yourself and the recovery process.

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month. Whatever the nature and scope of your trauma, this is a time to remind yourself that you are not alone. Many colleges, hospitals, and groups throughout the country are holding walks, fairs, clothesline projects, rallies, and other events. Look one up in your area, discover the community you deserve, and contact a therapist if you want support.