Am I Crazy for Talking to Myself All the Time?
Dear GoodTherapy.org,
Apparently, I am the only person in my life who has remained unaware that I have a huge problem with talking to myself and narrating my own actions. A friend told me the other day that I talk to myself incessantly. I asked around, and everyone in my life who spends any significant amount of time around me confirmed it. I’m shocked, since I actually can’t stand it when other people do this around me.
I mean, I’m not totally oblivious—every once in a while I’ll catch myself talking while I’m alone doing some banal task. Putting the dishes away, “Oh, that doesn’t go there.” Or grocery shopping, “Why, oh why, are there 437 different types of ketchup?” Stuff like that. But I seem to do it around people, too. I can’t get out a credit card to pay for something without, “Where is that card? Oh, I left that one on the table. Better use this …” blah, blah, blah.
It’s incessant, now that I’m aware of it. I don’t want to fill space like that, or make other people uncomfortable, or waste breath saying these things that have absolutely no value. Not to mention people often are fearful or wary of someone who mutters to themselves all the time.
Why did I start doing this? Does this say something about me or how my brain works? —External Monologue
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Dear Monologue,
Thank you for your question. Although what you describe—unknowingly narrating your world to yourself out loud—is neither uncommon nor an apparent mental health concern, I wonder when it started, what else might have been going on at the time, and why the behavior troubles you so much (that it may trouble anyone else is a separate issue).
Sometimes when we’re under a lot of stress, this sort of thing happens. Maybe you’re trying to figure something out, as people do when they’re faced with a difficult problem. Maybe you’re concentrating so hard that the words escape, a sort of unconscious blowing off of steam. Or maybe you’re just looking for an intelligent conversation!
Then again, saying something out loud can be a way to help yourself process your experience or remember something, like reciting a shopping list or a speech you’re going to have to make. Maybe you just like externalizing your thoughts into background music. Maybe this is your way of enduring the boredom of banal tasks. Maybe all of the above.
I want to be clear about one thing: Talking to yourself does not mean you are going “crazy,” if that’s what you’re afraid of. It just means you’re talking to yourself. A LOT of people do it. A lot of people even find comfort in it.
Also, why are there 437 different kinds of ketchup? I’d like to know too.
It’s possible your inner voice is trying to make itself heard, to help you get to know yourself deeply, but so far it hasn’t figured out how to make contact; it mostly just makes noise instead. Perhaps you could find a creative activity of some kind that allows you to just let your voice rip. Or just let it rip any old time, so long as you feel safe and you’re considerate of others around you. (It’s true that some people are disturbed when they hear a conversation with only one participant, which doesn’t mean the behavior itself should be interpreted as disturbing. Who hasn’t muttered to themselves?)
I want to be clear about one thing: Talking to yourself does not mean you are going “crazy,” if that’s what you’re afraid of. It just means you’re talking to yourself. A LOT of people do it. A lot of people even find comfort in it. The relationship you have with yourself is the most important one you’ll ever have, after all—and how you talk to yourself can nurture or even potentially hurt that relationship, so I encourage you to try not to criticize yourself about this.
A bit more advice: Listen to yourself. Pay attention to what you’re saying, and even more importantly what you’re feeling, when you’re talking. And find someone sympathetic and knowledgeable to talk to—someone besides you, of course, such as a trained therapist—about the unsettling feelings that surround your experience. Understanding those feelings and where they’re coming from may inspire more compassion for yourself and the behavior you describe.
Take care,
Lynn
Lynn Somerstein
When You Come to Therapy with ‘Nothing to Talk About’ 
Somatization: Is What I’m Feeling All in My Head? 
The Unbearable Pain of Needing to Be 'Seen' - 12 comments
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amelia
October 7th, 2016 at 10:56 AMI work with someone who does the same thing, I just try to tune her out.
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Harrison
October 10th, 2016 at 10:25 AMIt is probably a nervous habit that you have created and it has become a hard one to let go of. We all have those little tics and habits that can’t be controlled. Let’s just say it is part of the unique character that makes you you.
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Jack
October 10th, 2016 at 2:21 PMSo it’s how you cope
not a big deal -
Crysthal
October 11th, 2016 at 2:30 PMI guess that I do the same thing so to me it does not seem like anything big. I think that it sometimes annoyed my mom to no end but even she learned to eventually tune me out, knew when to let me just have my own little conversation
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David
November 20th, 2016 at 11:49 AMI am sure at the root of this there is a reason it initially started such as you feeling that other really don’t understand you as a person so conversations with yourself just seemed natural because no one knows you like you do. But it over time became a habit that provides stability, clarity and comfort in dealing with every day life stuff. It’s not something you should all of a sudden start beating yourself up for. You are just now realizing that you do something that possibly annoys or irritates people. That is why it bothers you because you are a caring person and don’t want to stand out and have people dislike anything about you. Thats where you struggle is. Talk to a therapist to deal with this internal struggle. Otherwise you will just cause yourself deep anxiety trying to suppress how you have been for years.
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olami
October 1st, 2017 at 12:51 PMIt actually started when I start to read..i mean to memorise some of my school stuffs like that,and 1 thing I noticed was that I mostly stay alone
So am used to talk to moi self several times -
Lynn Somerstein
October 7th, 2017 at 1:40 PMHi Olami,
Many people talk to themselves– but if you are worried you might consult a therapist. Thank you for asking, and please feel free to write again.
Take care,]
Lynn -
Kandi
February 25th, 2020 at 1:39 AMI’m guilty of this here and there. Honestly, who isn’t? Everyone has the “Where are my car keys?” Conversation with themselves once in a while or even on a regular basis. I think you’d be in the minority if you did not.
My husband however, he is on a whole different level way past the keys question. Its constant. While in the bathroom, working on a project, doing yard work, fishing, watching a movie or tv, reading something. even in his sleep. It kind of drives me a little nuts. I’m not going to lie. If I’m reading something and he is talking to himself while doing ______ in the same room as me it’s almost impossible to concentrate on what I’m reading. When I ask him to please stop or take it to another room because its disturbing my concentration he’ll get really defensive. And he will continue to do it so I end up being the one to move locations. At least this person noticed it and is aware of it now. If it is really becoming distressful for people around her I commend her for wanting to at least help out with that. Some people dont really consider others even when they are the ones who are making things uncomfortable. Denial is a dangerous thing. -
Gary
December 28th, 2020 at 6:46 PMI started doing this when I first started sheltering at home during the COVID-19 Pandemic. I live alone and started catching myself talking about whatever I would be planning to do or whatever I had just finished doing: “OK I need to feed the cat before I check my email.” Or “wow, it took me forever to unload the car.” I became self conscious about it even though there was nobody else around. I embarrassed myself. I said out loud “ I need to stop talking to myself” and kind of freaked out at that one 🙄. I haven’t stopped yet, and it doesn’t look like I’m going to. It isn’t something I do continually, but it happens often enough that I became aware of it. It really doesn’t bother me anymore and I don’t think you should worry about it either. We are all unique in our own way and that’s what makes us individuals and gives us an identity.
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Lynn
January 25th, 2021 at 8:50 PMWell good to know people are not going crazy l was thinking if one is alone most of ones life maybe it also happens, out of loneliness…for one has never dont it when younger…l think ones environment can be a problem too …
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HP
January 19th, 2022 at 4:17 AMHi Lynn
I am not sure when I started self-talking. At first it was small little comments to myself. Cannot remember if it was negative or positive. I think bit of both. These days it is different. I still talk out loud but not to myself. I talk about the situation or the people in the situation. I am worried I may have slipped into some psychosis. Usually it is around stressful situations and people who cause me stress. I have conversations about the situation/people. I conjure up conversations and it becomes very real the longer it goes on. At first it soothed me to ‘have things out’ but as time went by, this ‘talking’ started causing me to feel depressed, tearful and listless. Has anyone come across a support group of sorts maybe? -
Paul
September 3rd, 2023 at 11:40 PMI have no family, no significant other (wife / girlfriend) and no friends to speak of. I have tried talking to others but it is apparent that I have nothing in common / no shared interests with others – and as a result I have literally stopped talking to people. As such, I am pretty much my only conversation partner. I am at times lonely, but with nothing meaningful to talk about to other people, it is more effort than it is worth to try to converse with anyone. So I don’t.
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