Pragmatic / Experiential Therapy for Couples

"Pragmatic / Experiential Therapy for Couples translates advances in neurobiology and the science of intimate relationships into practical methods for improving relationships."

~ Brent J. Atkinson

Thanks to a series of influential research studies, the things people who succeed in intimate relationships do differently from those who fail have been discovered by researchers. One of the most important differences involves how people react when they feel upset. All partners in long term relationships feel upset with each other at various times. Evidence suggests that some people know how to handle such moments in ways that cultivate respectfulness and receptivity in their partners. Others react in ways that make it almost impossible for their partners to genuinely care. Studies suggest that the ability to react effectively when feeling upset is not optional--it’s a must for anyone who hopes to have a satisfying intimate relationship.  

• Therapy Method of PET-C
• Developing Flexibility in Thinking and Interactions
• Cultivating Intimacy through PET-C
• Resources Related to Pragmatic / Experiential Therapy for Couples

Therapy Method of PET-C

Pragmatic/Experiential Therapy for Couples (PET-C) was developed by Brent J. Atkinson, Ph.D., and colleagues at the Couples Clinic and Research Institute in Geneva, IL. The PET-C therapist begins by identifying the specific ways that each partner has been failing to react effectively when feeling upset. Then, using a series of powerful methods to cultivate receptivity, the therapist challenges each partner with the following logic: “If you want to be treated well by your partner, you need to learn to think and act like people who almost always get treated well, and you certainly don’t want to be thinking and acting like people who almost never get treated well.” The therapist paints a clear picture for each partner of the kind of changes in his/her typical ways of reacting during upsets that are needed. As each partner gains a better understanding of how his/her own habits have contributed to the depleted condition of the relationship, the therapist helps each accept mutual responsibility while in the presence of the other. Old wounds are healed as the therapist helps partners avoid blame and defensiveness while engaging in conversations about past hurts.

Developing Flexibility in Thinking and Interactions

Healing conversations alone aren’t usually sufficient to enable partners to escape the pull of ineffective habits that have been in place for years. Using a combination of individual and conjoint sessions, the therapist helps each partner develop the ability to think and react more flexibly when upset feelings occur in the present. Partners become expert at recognizing when their own thoughts and actions during upsetting situations are predictive of relationship failure, and they begin to understand how and when they need to think and act differently.  But knowledge usually isn’t enough. “Knowing it” and “doing it” are two different things. Recent brain studies suggest that old patterns of thinking and reacting die hard because they’re often woven into the fabric of powerful internal states that are automatically activated when upsets happen. The therapist helps each partner identify internal states that perpetuate outmoded thoughts, attitudes, and actions, and “re-wire” these states for more flexibility. 

Cultivating Intimacy through PET-C

As partners learn to manage their differences more respectfully, attention shifts to increasing feelings of tenderness, sexual interest, playfulness, and the desire for other satisfying forms of connection. Recent studies suggest that the secret to cultivating intimacy has to do with figuring out how to “turn on” the brain’s intrinsic motivational states that generate feelings related to intimacy. The PET-C therapist helps partners identify attitudes, beliefs and habits that inhibit or block intimacy-related feelings, and establish routines and practices that maximize the chances such feelings will spontaneously arise.

Resources Related to Pragmatic / Experiential Therapy for Couples:

The Couples Clinic and Research Institute