Self-Care to Combat Anxiety
July 26th, 2012
By Stuart A. Kaplowitz, MFT, Anxiety Topic Expert Contributor
As I was reminded in a recent comment, so many of us are indeed loaded down with stressors in our lives. The reality is that we may be doing some things we are not truly excited about; we may do or take on these tasks because this behavior is modeled to us from early on in life. For example, we may have learned that one parent is at work for what seems like all of the time. We may see the other parent doing so many chores and errands that this person doesn’t have time for him- or herself but does a wonderful job caring for others. This can make it easier to later fall into the same patterns with unspoken messages like “a good caregiver works as much as it takes to provide,” or “there is so much to do, there is no time for rest.” The problem with these messages is that we are sacrificing part of ourselves in the process.
So how do we take care of ourselves? Hopefully, you have a nice list of things that you enjoy, have time for, and make happen. For those of us struggling with anxiety though, I “fear” we have a difficult time getting our own needs met. Now some of this may be due to the ingrained messages involving tons of responsibilities. Some may be due to not knowing how to best address our own needs or even our own doubt with internal messages like “Do I really deserve ____ (fill in the blank with whatever needs or want that may come up)?”
If you don’t have that list, please don’t be shy in making one. You deserve it. So what might be on it? One of the most simple pleasures for me is alone/quiet time. It may be an hour or less, but I love it. Maybe it’s a chance to watch that TV show you saved but don’t get to. Maybe it’s reading time: from the newspaper, a good book, magazine, or whatever. This one seems to get sacrificed for many, because Facebook or another online activity can command so much of our attention. Maybe it’s while riding in the car (bus, train to work, etc.) or any other time you are just waiting for the next thing to happen.
Here are a few ideas:
- Volunteering—hey! I’m bright enough to know the good feelings I receive in helping out is more than worth it.
- Collecting (beads, buttons, pennies, old stamps, etc.)
- Making arts and crafts
- Model building
- Cooking—trying new recipes (and if you are worried about eating too much, give some to your neighbors, they’ll love it). This can also be a wonderful way to connect and make more friends.
- Attending church— including support groups they may offer
- Visiting coffee shops—many of the smaller ones may have books to read, games to play, and relaxing/enjoyable music to listen to.
- Doing crossword puzzles—every so often, even I will grab a magazine with a puzzle in it and have at it.
- Drawing
- Taking educational/hobby classes—each city around here puts out a monthly/quarterly little magazine with classes (some one-time, some maybe for a month or so) on anything from computers to cooking, sports, etc.
- Gardening—either at home or at a local garden where volunteers come together to tend a garden and the food is donated to local families in need.
- Seeing movies/concerts in the park—these neat activities tend to be free and widespread. It’s important to just get out sometimes, even if you are not interested as much in the particular band or movie.
Now, if you are “too busy” to make any of this happen, there is a major problem, and this is not going to help with your anxiety. When it comes to lightening our angst, think lightening your load. We can certainly achieve this by closely examining all the responsibilities you currently have (and I’m not talking about just work or chores), as well as adding in more of the good stuff such as activities you truly want and enjoy doing.
When looking at your current responsibilities, get detailed. Write them all out. Things like running someone else’s errands, taking on more at work or with community or school groups, doing things in what you or others may think is in excess, and so forth, all count. Outline how much time these things take and be honest with yourself in doing this. Ask yourself, do I truly have to do all these things? Can I do them some of the time or maybe one less time to allow myself time for a little fun (maybe one of those activities you say you don’t have time for)? It does not even have to be that you create big chunks of time but rather even half an hour here and there. Beware though. If you start making the time for yourself, you may hunger for it and want more. Not such a terrible thing, I say. Taking care of ourselves in this way helps bring anxiety levels down.
Related articles:
The Birth of Anxiety
Self-Soothe in Your Own Compassionate Hammock
Taking Care of Yourself While Caring for a Loved One: Your Body
©Copyright 2012 by Stuart A. Kaplowitz, MFT, therapist in Chino, CA. All Rights Reserved.
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Comments
One thing that I don’t think that I saw mentioned here is exercise. For me this is the very best self care that there is!
It relieves my stress, keeps me focused on the task at hand. . . it is kind of hard for the mind to wander to unpleasant things during a 5 mile run.
This is my time to enjoy doing something that I love and that is good for me too!
It isn’t one of those guilty little pleasures, this is actually something that I enjoy that does the body good.
This might not be the thing for you, but there is always something out there that can help bring you this same kind of enjoymeny, and once you discover just what that is then you will be happier than you have ever been.
I feel like such an old fogey after Jeanette, but I took up knitting as a way to take care of myself and to maintain some sanity in my life. I like the methodical planning that knitting takes, and just the feel of the needles and the yarn makes me automatically calmer.
Absolutely Jeanette. I love it and brought it up in a recent article here. Nice.
@ Kelly — a good one indeed
I never knew just how good doing things for other people could make me feel good, but I got involved in a meal delivery program for older members of my community through my church and this has been such a wonderful experience for me. I feel like I am making someone else happy and helping ensure that they have ahot meal daily, and they make me feel good just by those smiles that I receive when they open the door. It is so true that it feels better to do for others then it does to do for yourself. Of course you have to take care of your own needs, but this has become one of my ways to know that I am doing something ggood for someone else and sometimes that’s all I need.
Beautifully said Dave and congrats to you for helping.
as a working mother I often find myself running out of time to do things.Sometimes I wish I could just wake up one morning and stay in bed.But with so many things to be done and looked after there really is no “me” time for me any more. I had a hobby of collecting stamps before but now even that little hobby seems to have no time.
I think for some of us, only a drastic change or help can help (?) :|
I am sad to say Brittany that you are not alone with this thought. It cannot be this way though. You deserve support. Whether it is with your significant other, family, friends, neighbors, etc., you need a break too. Parenting is a good in itself and I would want you to have at least some time for you
I know that there are some moms out there who will think that I am terrible to say this, but my favorite self care times come when everyone else leaves the house and I can get a little alone time just for me! That is the one thing that I have missed so much since becoming a mom- I love my children and my husband dearly but I swear there are times that I would simply kill to be in a room by myself for more than a minute at a time before someone needed me for anything! it’s like you want to be needed, and then again you don’t. I like it when they all come back home too :) but that little bit of time gives me a real chance to breathe, relax, and focus on me just for a little bit.
@ Brandi- you shouldn’t feel bad for needing some time for yourself!
We all need a little time to decompress and I think that this is where a lot of moms really mess up. They think that their lives have to totally revolve around the kids and they fail to take a time out for a little breather for them.
That doesn’t mean that you run away forever- but find a good book, let your husband take over for a little whole, and enjoy that alone time, knowing that this can make you a better mother in the days to come!
I could not have said it better myself. Brandi, Mena is so right. Honestly, I feel the same way sometimes with my own time; having some peace and quiet is a treasure for me too.
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