Mental Health Issues and the Family
May 16th, 2011
By Lynne Silva-Breen, MDiv, MA, LMFT, Family Therapy Topic Expert Contributor
Click here to contact Lynne and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile
For all the research that has been done in the last twenty years attempting to understand the brain, the organ at the top of our spine retains its essential mystery. We know more now than ever how the brain works, how it has developed over the centuries to do the miraculous things it does, and what is happening to it when it gets injured. Doctors, parents, coaches and professional athletes are more alert to the dangers of brain concussion. Neurologists study to become adept at repairing the brain with surgery, cellular transplant, or electrical stimulus. Every one of us has a stake in the health of our minds. But no one has now, or may ever, understand what to do when a brain loses its essential emotion balance. Major mental illnesses (MMI) like bipolar, major depression, schizophrenia, schizoaffective issues, and severe personality issues are currently treated with hospitalization, a variety of medicines, and several kinds of therapies including group, art, music, physical, occupational and individual, couple and family therapy. These efforts do help a person suffering acute episodes create some safety from self-harm and violence to others. But we currently have no cure for the worse of brain diseases. Those afflicted with the most severe mental illness bear this burden without much hope of recovering their former, pre-illness selves. It can be a terrible, life-changing diagnosis. Many of those who suffer also try to help themselves with illegal drugs and alcohol. It’s estimated that nearly half of those with MMI also may be drug addicted. It’s quite easy to see that chronic emotional issues, topped with occasional medications from a hospital stay, plus a chemical dependency, legal or otherwise, is a simple recipe for chaos. And that’s exactly what can happen. These are the majority of those we call the Homeless: adults whose illness and addiction make any kind of stable life impossible. Whose schools, work places, doctors, community programs, churches, friends and family in an uncoordinated effort tried to help but ran out of options, money, beds, time or energy. If you have a family member with chronic mental illness, it certainly has affected your life as well. If you are like most of us human beings, the early months or years were a mix of denial, sorrow, anger, and accommodation as you tried to learn how to manage life with someone who couldn’t stay in the lanes of the average emotional highway. You may have had more than your share of blinding rage at promises broken and soaring optimism as your parent or sibling found a new doctor, a new medicine, a new religion, a new apartment. And then the up and down cycles of recovery and illness, of stabilization and hospitalization, continued. It feels insane. And in fact, it is. It’s easy to see how many people give up on the most mentally sick. In the grand scheme of life, it’s to your emotional and spiritual benefit not to lose touch with your family member who struggles to stay mentally balanced. You may be their only connection to a person who remembers them when they were well, who has the same family features, who reminds them of their place in the human family. You may be the only person they know with a shared childhood memory. As exhausting as it can be to stay in their lives, I urge you to try. To keep your own life in balance, to have good relationships, keep your job, and sleep well at night, you will need a simple but unyielding strategy when it comes to dealing with your loved one. Here’re my suggestions: 1. Education: Get informed about your loved one’s diagnosis. Have a basic understanding of the medications they are on. Attend family meetings held by hospital or other care providers. Learn about the long-term physical and mental outlook of the disorder. Speak to an attorney if financial support, inheritance, property, arrest or civil commitment issues arise. 2. Support: Seek out the understanding, company and expertise of others who struggle with mental illness in the family. Support groups such as NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) and those run by your county or local hospitals or churches are excellent places to find on-going information, support and referrals to local mental health resources. It’s here where you can grieve the person your loved one may never become, and figure out to live with the person as they are.
- 3. Clear personal boundaries: You will need to figure out how to care about your family member while leading your own life. Your job, your marriage and your children will all suffer if you can’t say no to requests you can’t fill, to demands on your time that can’t be met, to assumptions about money you can’t meet. You may need professional help (i.e., a good therapist) to help you manage, grieve, and maintain your limits, especially if you are connected to your family member in any helpful way.
MMI can be and can destroy every good relationship in its wake. One day, we may have more than a bucket load of powerful drugs to help manage and even heal diseases like schizophrenia. But until then, if you have MMI in your family, do everything you can to manage its effects and continue to lead the life you want. You’ll need help to do it; it’s a long journey.
© Copyright 2011 by Lynne Silva-Breen, MDiv, MA, LMFT, therapist in Burnsville, MN. All Rights Reserved.
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12 Comments | Click here to leave a comment.
Comments
A serious illness to a family member can cause a lot of heartache and trouble to any person. Priorities need to be readjusted and a lot of new things incorporated in the daily life. It’s not easy to adapt and there is a high possibility of feeling like there’s no road ahead.
This could well lead to depression and thereby even more problems. So it would be best to talk to professionals and those that have been through something similar to try and understand what is to be done and also to convince yourself of and to go ahead with the changes that come along with the loved one’s illness.
What I have always thought would be difficult to manage would be to see a close family member suffering from mental illness and wondering if I was going to be next. We hear all of the time that these illnesses are very much genetic based, so of course any rational person would always have that thought in the back of their mind, wondering if they were going to be next.
not only is there a change in lifestyle but there is also the worrying thought constantly bothering you…I’d hate to see a loved one in such a condition.dont just aim to stay fit but also encourage your family members to maintain their health too.
Being educated is better than trying to run away from the problem. Running away only makes the problem worse. Read and learn all that you can about a specific illness if this is something that runs in your family- that way you will have an idea of what to be on the lookout for if symptoms begin to show up in a loved one.
This really hits home. I have good friends in the throes of these issues. They had been advised by a mental health counselor to stay away from their close to 40-year-old adult son when he would have
episodes, as it was a way to manipulate the parents. My good friend is now states away with her son, unemployed, and away from her husband and former life.
It’s so hard as there are no good or clear answers.
With all she is doing for her son, my friend is wise getting weekly therapy for herself.
Many times I have seen family members wonder why their loved one can’t just snap out of it. Example “Im tired of your condition”
We need more education to stop the
stigma on chronic illnesses of the Brain. The
Brain is an organ just like the heart or
any other major organ in the body.
To get better one needs to feel comfortable in talking about what is going on to a well trained and experienced professional. Family education and therapy is also very helpful. There are also many support groups for families who has a loved one with chronic mental illness.
People who suffer from chronic mental illness such as schizophrenia are not outcasts they arre Human beings who deserve the same care as a person with a Heart problem.
I commend the author as this is a subject that needs to be taken out of the closet and talked about!
I have seen families who have literally been torn apart by the existence of mental illness and their inability to deal with that. They allow themselves to reamin uneducated in the area and hence cause even bigger problems than the illness alone could bring about.
mental illness tore my family apart because there was little to no understanding of what was going on or the best way to treat it. this was not only true for the family but also for the doctors in the small town where i lived. everyone just said go to bed, sleep it off, but we all know it is not like that. those bad things haunt you no matter in sleep or awake. we sought the help of many and read and read until we got some answers but not enough to get us back the years that were lost to not knowing.
All of you testify to the power that misunderstanding, isolation, shame and helplessness have in the wake of major mental illness in the family. I have seen MMI ruin family relationships, wipe out family resources, precipitate divorces, and literally destroy homes. I pray for the day we have better treatments. But in the meantime, we all need to grow in knowledge about the disorders and options for care, treatment, and family unity.
@runninfast–In my family, we have a history of breast cancer and prostrate cancer.
We make a point of telling our kids the signs and symptoms of both of them, and make sure they understand how to tell if you might have it.
It’s important to know. That knowledge can save your life.
@John: Those who can just snap out of it must be very few and far between. Sometimes it takes a severe shock to pull them out of it, but if done poorly it can make them worse can’t it?
Perhaps it would at least be a wakeup call as to how bad the problem is for them and their families.
Schizophrenia is actually one of the most debilitating illnesses there is.
It’s not like a heart attack where you are slowed down if you survive. Schizophrenia ruins your entire perception of reality and it can’t be cured to my knowledge, only suppressed.
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