It Wasn’t Me, It Was The Dog
May 22nd, 2009 |
A GoodTherapy.org Featured Column written by Sarah Jenkins, MC, LPC
Click here to contact Sarah and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile
For as long as I could remember, they were my siblings. Faithful. Loving. Supportive. With me when I played, laughed, and cried, they were beside me all of the time. Showing me unconditional love and compassion, the dogs I cherished were a part of my family, just as I was a part of theirs. I even tried to blame them for things at times. “But, it wasn’t me, Mum, it was the dog.” Of course, that never worked. It still doesn’t.
Now, I am sure that a pet being a “family member” is not an unusual concept for many of you who would read this. In fact, I would imagine that, right now, you could even bring up an image of your first pet, and sense some kind of emotional, physical, or spiritual reaction. And, perhaps like me, you have known the powerful connection between your pet, and the love that they give you in return.
Perhaps you would wonder why I would chose to write about the power of the relationship between dogs and me, or your animals and you. But, I did so, not only because I love my “fur-kids,” but also because many of my clients have pets and consider them to be some of their best supports, their family. And let’s face it, for many, it may be all the family they have.
Maybe they were there when you learned to love, or had to bear the pain of losing it. Perhaps they sat by you as you experienced joy, happiness, and peace. But, no matter what your encounters with your animals, you know that, already, this article connects to your understanding of their love for you.
The Cat and Sobriety
While watching a TV show recently, I was awe-struck by one man’s insistence that his cat, his beloved animal, was the one relationship in his life that enabled him to maintain his sobriety, to work his recovery. He spoke of days when he would find himself in the depths of despair, suicidal, and tormented, only to see his cat on the other side of the bathroom door, waiting for him to sober up. Non-judgmental. Present. Strong. Persistent. The depths of his cat’s green eyes pleaded for him to understand “You have to stay. You have to survive. Live, now.”
Now, maybe on face value, it may seem far-fetched, but I was reminded of the power of a true loving relationship, itself, to help us surpass and survive what we may be struggling with, no matter the form that relationship takes. Often in the moments when we interact with our pets they, too, can be the very relationships we hold on to and reach for, in times of distress. And while there are many who struggle to understand that depth of relationship with an animal, many do experience it as such.
It’s Not About The Dog
But you see, the relationship is never really just about the dog. It’s not about the cat. It’s not about the horse, or whatever animal has captured a part of your soul. As always, it is still about you. It is still about expressing a part of yourself into the world. And, that creature, that divine light in animal form, enables you another opportunity to express that part of you, in relationship to it. For, how you treat that animal and how you interact with it, is how you approach people and situations in your world. Watch your pet’s reactions to what you are saying or doing, perhaps it “matches” the experiences and feedback you get from people in your world.
I say this because I truly believe that whatever you are experiencing with your animals, whatever loving feelings, and, even at times, struggles, you may be experiencing, are showing up for your growth. There is something in that relationship that asks you to look at yourself, and your interactions with the world around you. Your pet is reflecting that aspect of yourself, back to you. In fact, that is one of the quintessential aspects of animal assisted therapy, to help you explore that reflection.
Maybe your beloved pet is asking to even participate more in life than you have, or are currently choosing to. You may be like many of my clients who “have to get up” because a loved dog needs a walk. You may be like the man who knows that his cat didn’t judge his alcoholism, and needed him to be sober. You may know that you have to get out of bed, because, lets face it, your pet needs to be fed. It needs you to face your depression, face your anxiety, and get sober to enjoy its company. But, again, the irony is that it is not about our pets, it is about us. It is about stepping outside of our narrow view of ourselves, and seeing them wanting us to “show up” and participate in life. Period.
I, for example, having recently rescued a puppy, have been challenged to face that part of me that wanted a dog with less stress, less anxiety, and less fear. When he first entered my life I had the, albeit unrealistic, expectation, that my training him would be as “easy” as it had been for me in previous relationships with puppies. Besides, as the daughter of a dog-trainer, my ego tricked me into believing that I would be able to “handle” this new puppy situation. I had it “covered.”
Of course, I was wrong. I have, by no means, got it covered, in fact, I’m still learning, and he’s training me. But, what I have learned is that it was meant for me to have the struggle. This puppy isn’t supposed to be easy. He is here for me to look at my ego’s misleading notion. And, without him, I may not have been able to. For you, maybe there is an opportunity to explore if you are relating to your loved animal as you relate to your world, even your recovery. And in the mean time, I’ll have to let you know how successful my puppy is, at training me.
©Copyright 2009 by Sarah Jenkins, MC, LPC. All Rights Reserved. Permission to publish granted to GoodTherapy.org. The following article was solely written and edited by the author named above. The views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. Questions or concerns about the following article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment to this blog entry.
Click here to contact Sarah and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile
18 comments so far
My pup, ok she wasn’t a pup anymore, died 3 years ago. It was the hardest loss I ever experienced. She was in so much pain and I had to put her down. Best friend I’ve ever had. Still I feel her in my heart, i can see her and smell her too. Whe was an angel for me…anywya..just want to say i’m moved by your respect for the realtionships people have with animals. I think some animals are healthier, have better attachement and empathy than human beings. dont you?
I grew up with my dog and she was my best friend through my first crush, first heartbreak, bad report card and finally graduation and work. I still cant bring myself to having another pet because I think at some point my pet became a sibling I never had. Minus the ego and fights. I never cried at anyone’s passing away more than I did when my dog died. A pet enriches life in so many ways that when we look back, we realize that we have grown stronger and more dependable because of them. A pet definitely adds a balance to our emotions and mental well being.
Excellent article, in my case a few years ago i had a doggy love with all my heart, unfortunately lost, but it is always good to have a pet you happy life.
Truly loved this article! I have a cat and a dog and it’s very interesting that you note that it’s about us and what we may be experiencing in our everyday life with people. I had to stop and think about this and it does seem very true. Thanks again for this wonderful article.
Wow!! This really hits home as I have a dog who is always there for me and my family no matter what we say or do.
Pets, no matter what kind, can be a person’s best friend. I wouldn’t know what to do without mine.
Isn’t it amazing how loyal animals are? Sometimes they seem more dependable than family.
I think my dog, sam, is the only thing I can truly trust and be myself around. I love Sam and to me, she is one of the family.
I lost my job as a banker and today I work in a pet boutique. The inspiration for that came from my dog. I found that as a banker I looked forward to the end of the day to spend time with my dog.
My dog Clementine could never be replaced. She gets me through the good times and the bad- life will never be the same without her. I just pray that she lives a good long life.
It always seems easier to have a meaningful relationship with an animal than a human being. I think ego is the only factor that comes in the way of human relationships.
I love my boo boo. she is a minature poodle and is always so happy and wants to play. Sometime I don’t feel like it or just in a bad mood. all i have to do is look at her smiling face and can’t help to feel better.
I know that when I was diagnosed with breast cancer three years ago my cat Lovey Dovey was my saving grace. No matter how rough my day had been and what kinds of meds were coursing through my veins she was always there for me. Pets don’t care when you are having a bad day or if you are sick- they just want you to care for them and love them, and when you do that they can do that for you too. For anyone who has never experienced the healing power of a pet I feel bad for them. That is really unconditional love- they love you no matter what.
Pets listen better than most people. They also talk to us in the only language they know – love and honesty.
I have never had a pet like a dog or a cat, only fish and a few hamsters. Little hard to connect to those the way I am sure you can with other creatures that you are sure to feel are giving you love back.
animals help to calm nerves and actually lower your blood pressure! I think many people are happier because of their pets.
Animals are always there for us. I feel really bad sometimes when I push my pet away (cat). She gets on my nerves sometimes, but I love her to death and would never give her up. No matter what I do, she is always there for me
I need to go hug my pug.